Queues returned on Sunday: at midnight they were showing the
Star Wars trilogy in a 1600-seat theatre, and somebody
panicked and put up a notice by registration, pointing out
that con membership didn't GUARANTEE admission to popular
items; registration gophers were instructed to repeat this to
each day-member they enrolled at a princely $35. Whether
because of this scaremongering or not, they were queueing for
the films before 6pm. Rumour has it that eventually only 1100
people slept
long-service medals from the official SW fan club.
"The main way the concom upset people was by carelessly
allowing themselves to appear partisan over future bids. First
they apparently invited Atlanta in '86 to provide bags for
member's programme bumph, without extending any similar offer
to NY or Philly. When Britain in '87 turned up ready to man a
membership desk all day, rejected the Fan Lounge (tucked away
in an inaccessible corner... sound familiar?) as a venue, and
ask nicely for a table somewhere prominent, they let us use
one at the front of the huckster's room. Phoenix in '87
objected, apparently because they hadn't though of asking for-
and couldn't man-a table. LA-Cons's Solomonic solution was to
oust us and allow Phoenix a day in the same spot -- which they
did not take up. Instead we acquired a real paid-for table by
simply buying up (privately) a dealer's entire stock and
offering him a small sum for the tail-end of his table rent.
"About the same time we met the Phoenix people and struck up a
relationship culminating in the great '87 Bid Party on Sunday
night, which won the coveted `party of the Day' accolade in
the Monday newsletter: a triple party, Phoenix, us and LA (a
Westercon bid). Chris Atkinson spent the evening selling UK in
87 badges, and occasionally her body, to all comers...
"Membership was 9282; actually THERE were 8365, comprising
5823 pre-registered and 2542 walk-ins. Rumoured profits are
over $100,000, probably $150,000; rumouredly they broke even
in June and everything since is gravy, which they courageously
maximized by such financially responsible acts as refusing to
show the roomful of short films they'd already hired, as that
would need an extra projectionist. Another rumour; part of the
surplus will be used to refund memberships of those who put
most into the con... the 1986 Worldcon will be Confederation
in Atlanta, Georgia, Aug 28 to Sept 1, GoH Ray Bradbury FGoH
Terry Carr Toastmaster Bob Shaw. Membership rates until 1985:
$25 supp $35 att, further info from UK agent Colin Fine, 205
Coldham's Lane, Cambridge, CB1 3HY.
"LA's venue, the Anaheim Hilton and Towers, is a strange
hotel. The `Towers' is merely the 14th, ie. top, floor-
actually the 13th since though there's a floor numbered 13,
there isn't one numbered 10! long rambling corridors surround,
on floor 5, a pool and 2 `decks' of astroturf: many parties
were in 5th-floor suites opening onto the decks, so ultimately
there was just one giant party in the open under the stars,
the Disneyland fireworks and the Goodyear blimp.
"Shock recognition at the con was BRIAN BURGESS. Surprise
predicament was that of Duncan Lunan, who'd been flown out by
a symposium so incompetent that they only got him a single
flight and then went broke. He was desperately trying to sell
MAN AND THE PLANETS (at $17.95/copy) to raise his fare home.
"Hugos? Oh yeah, some books or other won them." (C FINE)
SOME BOOKS OR OTHER comprised David Brin's STARTIDE RISING
(novel), Timothy Zahn's `Cascade Point' (novella), Greg Bear's
`Blood Music' (novelette), Octavia Butler's `Speech Sounds'
(short), Donald Tuck's ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF SF AND FANTASY VOL 3
(nonfic), RETURN OF THE JEDI (film), Shawna McCarthy of IASFM
(editor), Michael Whelan (artist), LOCUS (semiprozine), File
770 (fanzine), Alexis Gilliland (fanartist), Mike Glyer
(fanwriter), R.A.MacAvoy (John W. `Not A Hugo' Campbell
Award). Censorship in its ugliest form occurred when -- Hugo
nominees having been asked for transparencies of themselves to
enliven the ceremony -- LA-Con bounced a pic of D.Langford,
requesting `one we can show in public, please.' Thus a boring
slide was hastily unearthed from the files, and thus Dave Wood
failed to gain an international audience for his tasteful
study of my Seacon nosebleed. Shame.
CHARLES PLATT evidently had a great time: "'Too large,' people
complained, referring not only to the attendees but the
environs: several halls the size of football fields, huge
concrete plazas across which fans toiled in baking heat, and
100-yard hotel corridors all combined to make it impossible to
meet friends except by appointment. The programme was
disappointingly sparse. California is the state richest in SF
writers, but few big names attended. Frank Herbert spent 2
hours signing books and promoting the Dune movie; he said the
soundtrack by the Viennese Symphony Orchestra was `at least as
compelling as the theme from JAWS' and claimed the $60M made
it the most expensive movie in history. The clip I saw looked
sort of shabby and dim, like an etching.
"Bradbury, van Vogt, Sturgeon and Heinlein didn't show.
Ellison appeared only to bestow a special plaque on one-time
SF editor Larry Shaw (who bought Harlan's first story).
Ellison's speech, read in collaboration with Bob Silverberg,
was unusually rich in hyperbole, and couched in the past
tense, making it hard to tell the recipient was alive. Shaw
appeared, in fact, to be dying of throat cancer, and was thus
mercifully unable to respond at length. The grim ritual came
midway through the Hugos, as if Ellison were sanctimoniously
reminding his audience of the Real Values in life.
"The Hugos drew half the crowd of the 3-hour costume parade.
Generally, the more serious the item, the smaller the
audience. A beautiful, authoritative slide-show by a JPL
physicist, documenting the Voyager mission past Jupiter and
Saturn, attracted a crowd of ten. By contrast, fans were
lining up to see the Star Wars trilogy hours before showtime,
playing cassettes of the movie theme to get themselves in the
right frame of mind. Those of us who have always felt
alienated from the outside world can now feel totally
alienated from worldcons, too. The huckster room was heavy on
t-shirts, badges, toys, memorabilia and food; light on books.
Hollywood studios contributed big media exhibits; I found the
8-foot model Nautilus from Disney's 20,000 LEAGUES the only
item with any real imaginative authority.
"Most enjoyable program moment for me was when Barry Bayley
won a `Japanese Hugo' for best translated English-language
novel. Most enjoyable evening activity was when Greg Benford
and his twin brother Jim led me in search of a rumoured
nitrous oxide party: `It's somewhere around here,' Greg said,
at which moment the loud hissing of a balloon being inflated
came clearly from behind one of the Hilton doors. Within, we
found four large tanks of nitrous and a dozen or so left-over
60s freaks in various stages of decomposition. `Always look
behind you before you fall over,' one of them told me -- sage
advice from one who knew." (C.PLATT)
### SQUIRMING MAGS
The section heading comes from CHEAP TRUTH, a vile piece of
samizdat rumoured to emanate from an anonymous INTERZONE 7
contributor at 809-C W 12th St, Austin, Texas 78701, USA. CT
covers SF mags like this: "_IASFM_ suffers from Dr Asimov's
own prolixity, for his prolificacy has now reached the
terminal stage and he can write any amount of anything about
nothing... ANALOG exudes the stale, mummylike odour of
attitudes preserved too long... brain and heart are in canopic
jars somewhere, while its contributors' word-processors spit
out copy on automatic pilot... _IZ_ has the finest editorial
ideology in the English-speaking world, bound cheek-by-jowl
with stories often riddled with conceit and void of substance.
Yet IZ sustains hope with bursts of appalling brilliance...
OMNI's `Boy Eats Own Foot' approach to science coverage makes
its reportage highly suspect... its power-mad art department
has earned an unpleasant notoriety. Stories are trimmed to fit
like styrofoam, occasionally without authorial consultation;
sometimes, incredibly, lines are even ADDED..." (CT7) An
earlier issue features a Swiftian Rhapsody on SF, which a
famous SF author living in Oxford would surely deny writing; I
passed this to Joe Nicholas for PAPERBACK INFERNO, but just a
few lines...
These failures clog the lists of DAW,
Del Ray, Ace Books, Avon and Tor,
Where copywriters gild their sins
With `Greater Tolkiens', `New LeGuins',
'Beats Arthur Clarke', `Equal to Niven'
-- As if that awful thought were Heaven! --
Or `Starrier Wars'... and Sturgeon there,
Here Budrys, `Masterpiece' declare,
'Not to be missed...' Such feeble lies
Support a feebler enterprise
Of Royalties at _4%_
Which scarcely serve to pay the rent... (CT6)
OMNI UK has appeared on the stands: advance rumours (such as
belatedly printed in MATRIX) hinted that the `re-launch' would
have 16 pages of British material bound into the same old US
edition. In fact the whole thing has more of a British look,
the `disposable' 16pp merely containing all the SF content.
"The emphasis is on the science side", explains editor Jon
Chambers... who may edit only one more issue (out 29 Nov),
since a searching ANSIBLE investigation discloses that
Sightline Publications Ltd, (a division of Northern & Shell,
owning FORUM and PENTHOUSE UK) has merely bought rights to
publish two trial issues of OMNI UK. Despite pious hopes of
"going monthly from early 1985", the outlook is currently
uncertain -- better not rush all your IZ rejections to PO Box
381, Mill Harbour, London, E14 9TW just yet, as #2 close on 12
Oct, two days after I was begged to rush in some reviews.
FTL MAGAZINE (New York): putative editor Greg Costikyan
announces this SF/games mag's "abortion" owing to a prolapsed
publication deal, and pleads for no more stories...
WHITE DWARF & IMAGINE, the UK role-playing game thingies,
persist with rumoured circulations of over 40,000 for WD, well
under 20,000 for I. The former shows signs of developing a
fiction policy, ie. publishing some; editor Jamie Thomson has
been replaced by one Jon Sutherland. "I see Jamie has decided
to call it a day after hearing about the Polaroid and the
goat," confides I editor Paul Cockburn, meanwhile bouncing a
Langford joke about religious attitudes to D&D ("We all
suffixed our mirth by saying `No, no... we daren't...'"), and
mentioning that 4500 words is as bloated and verbose a story
as can be for publication in IMAGINE.
STARLIGHT SF NEWS is that sort of `electronic ANSIBLE' which
has intermittently appeared on the Micronet 800 viewdata pages
(moving confusingly and inexplicably between pp 6006207 and
8006207 -- a Prestel cockup has lately filled the former slot
with a version exhumed from 1983, mentioning Asimov as GoH at
Seacon 84... oh the shame. Its intermittent status was largely
the result of communication problems, the electronic whizkids
of Micronet being incapable of anything so low-tech as writing
letters: a renaissance is hoped in the near future, and I may
be able to pay m*n*y to contributors. Meanwhile I find myself
connected to Prestel via bootleg hardware which conceals me
under the secret identity `Radio Kent' (brother of the more
famous Clark). I'm told I can receive electronic mail sent to
the `address' 733 631 000. Um well.
NOVA SF, the major Swedish mag, has acquired a managing
Editor, writes co-Boss Editor, John-Henri Holmberg: "lacking
anybody else with even a minimum of editing experience or
spelling ability, we had to settle for Ahrvid Engholm." Rush
your submissions (Ahrvid recommends sending traditional hard
SF, or well-known prose with subtlety/emotion) to
Palsundsgatan 1 A, S-117 31 Stockholm, for marvellously
tactful rejections. John-Henri: "I rather liked it and have
passed it on to our new managing Editor." Ahrvid: "John-Henri
tossed a small paper plane in my direction, which when I
unfolded it proved to be a story by you that he wanted me to
reject."
INTERZONE has had an editorial reshuffle, with J.Clute,
A.Dorey and R.Kaveney (the latter already absent from the IZ9
masthead) `promoted upstairs' as advisers, C.Greenland,
S.Ounsley and D.Pringle as co-editors proper, A.Frost news
editor as well as designer, and newcomers Judith Hanna and
Lindsey Morris conscripted as `assistant editors' -- their
brains becoming cannon-fodder on suicide missions into the
uncharted slushpile. An INTERZONE ANTHOLOGY appears in Dent
trade-paperback next April -- 12 stories from issues 1-9 plus
a new, long outbreak from Geoff Ryman. Added publicity for IZ
was provided when Pseud's Corner (PRIVATE EYE) published
J.G.Ballard's belief in adolescent women's pudenda (see IZ8)
-- I was glad to help out, folks, no trouble at all.
TO THE STARS, or more properly L.RON HUBBARD'S TO THE STARS,
was launched at LA-Con (my invitation to the party came two
days beforehand, but even with this generous margin I failed
to make it). It is a "NEWS, REVIEWS & COMMENTARY magazine of
the SCIENCE FICTION -- AND ALL RELATED -- field of interest!"
(sic)... Methuselah Press, 3963 Wilshire Blvd #142, Los
Angeles, CA 90010, USA. No fiction, apparently, except winners
of the Hubbard Skiffy Comp which despite A39 remains open (all
Fred Harris's fault for not sending further details as
promised): new -- no more than 3 shorts published -- writers
can rush in stuff up to 17000 words until the final quarterly
deadline 30-6-85; only one entry/quarter; authors name on
covering sheet but not on MS proper; address 2210 Wilshire
Blvd #343, Santa Monica, CA 90403; prizes zero to $1000.
FANTASY BOOK, the new version, has turned up for review. Parts
are quite good, though I can live without stuff like YET
ANOTHER po-faced Lovecraft pastiche from Brian Lumley (part 3
of a serial, yet). No foreign sub rates quoted; it's imported
by the usual shops with #2 on the cover. Fiction rates 2 1/2 -
4 cents/word. Needs fewer fantasy cliches, more risk-taking.
Ed. Nick Smith, PO Box 60126, Pasadena, CA 91106, USA.
FORTEAN TIMES, edited from East Ham by former fan Bob Rickard,
is getting computerized with an IBM PC... or maybe not. "I've
discovered 3000 subjects so far, and I'm only up to C,"
confessed BR as he discovered commercial database programs to
be unable to cope with his "millions of new clippings" about
rains of frogs, blood, crabs and small portions of Richard
Bergeron's brain (among other arcane phenomena).
PETER NICHOLLS NEWS! At long last the dispute between PN (also
D.Langford & B.Stableford) and Roxby Press, regarding the lack
of money from THE SCIENCE IN SF, has come to a suitably messy
lack of conclusion. Old-time readers may dimly recall that RP
deducted some #46000 from the gross receipts before
calculating royalties, thus enabling the authors to subsidize
the cost of printing the book. The PN/RP contract is a
shambles (leading to PN's later sacking of his then agents).
Our Peter has now obtained Counsel's opinion to the effect
that (a) there would be an 80% chance of getting RP to cough
up via a High Court case; (b) however, if PN/DL/BS lost the
case, costs of up to #15000 might have to be paid; (c) the few
thousand involved is unfortunately too much to chase through
the Small Claims Court. This will be absolutely wonderful news
for all publishers.
Peter writes: "THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF FANTASY, companion to the
ENC. OF SF, has awoken from is 3 1/2 year slumber and is
sending out tendrils of new growth. It will be edited by
myself and Clute, and Granada are considering it v.seriously
right now. Even if they cannot find a US co-publisher the
project will not die, because Clare, Clute & I will probably
set up a small packaging company and do it ourselves, selling
to Granada here and to whatever intelligent American finally
wants it over there... Apropos of all this, you may also
report that Maxim Jakubowski has, in recent months, been
writing to every semi-prozine in the USA telling them that HE
is doing an Encyclopaedia of Fantasy (with Allen & Unwin),
designed to be a companion volume to Nicholls's ENCYCLOPAEDIA
OF SF. Jakubowski is a cretin, and has no right to make claims
of this sort without prior consultation with either Nicholls
or Granada... Love and kisses..." (PN, 27 Aug)
Maxim was last seen at packagers Rainbird, commissioning books
in all directions (like a Georgette Heyer Companion by Garry
Kilworth, the mind spungs) and clutching the typescript of THE
HELLICONIA ENCYCLOPAEDIA, which Mr Aldiss hopes will do for
the trilogy what Eliot's notes did for THE WASTE LAND.
### COME TO SUNNY MILFORD :: PAUL KINCAID
The Compton Hotel is a small, comfortable hotel in the
salubrious south coast resort of Milford-on-Sea; an ideal
setting for a quiet, relaxing break. Wander country lanes to
the sea, enjoying splendid views of the Isle of Wight. Lounge
by the pool, play pool or table-tennis in the games room.
Regular guests are quiet and you'll find it easy to unwind in
their company, or join in the regular games and
entertainments. Pat and Dom Emberson, our hosts, will make you
welcome with delicious cuisine and a well-stocked bar. All in
all, you are sure to leave Milford feeling rested and
refreshed.
More accurately -- come along to the Milford SF Writer's
Workshop. A somewhat shortened Milford this year, taking place
over the weekend of 28 Sept -- 1 Oct. And with just nine
sacrificial [X'ed out] attendees.
The Compton is inconveniently situated for the train -- four
miles from the nearest station, in New Milton, or further
still for Lisa Tuttle. Travelling on the last train of Friday
night, Lisa got the New Milton only to find all the doors of
her carriage locked. After a few tantalizing moments in the
station she was carried off willy-nilly to Bournemouth, where
a ticket collector scratched his head and said wonderingly,
"Yes, we've had a few complaints about that." People in the
know might suspect that Lisa's story was an elaborate excuse
to avoid a lift from David Garnett, whose car appears to have
been cobbled together years ago from rusting fragments found
on a scrap heap by someone who didn't really know what cars
are supposed to be like. That is still runs must be counted as
one of the wonders of modern science. They built 'em to last
in 1954.
A warm welcome is guaranteed -- provided there's actually
anybody there to welcome you. I arrived feeling very hungry
and more than a little damp. The hotel looked deserted. I rang
the bell, knocked on the door: no answer. I checked my
invitation to see if I'd got the right place and the right
date. I had. Included was a dadaistic map showing the hotel
and a pub down the road where, I assumed, Milforders tended to
congregate on the first night. So I repaired there for a drink
and a meal, but found no sign of my fellow workshoppers.
Returning, I found the hotel still devoid of life, until
eventually a shamefaced Langford (with Hazel in tow) appeared.
"Oh, er, sorry boss. You been waiting long?" Pat and Don, it
appeared, had gone out to frivol; the Milforders had shifted
to a pub not listed on the Langford map...
Saturday appeared bright and sunny enough for group exercise
-- a route march along muddy lanes to within a stone's throw
of the sea. At least Mary Gentle threw stones at it; then
agonized over whether she'd hurt it or not. This walk was an
aberration; our most strenuous later exercise consisted of
helping ourselves to drinks from the bar, and playing unending
games of pool. Mary and I regularly stayed up into the early
hours, each totally incapable of beating the other at this
silly game. Decorum was maintained throughout, with cues only
occasionally broken over the opponent's head and language
restrained to near-publishable levels.
Otherwise... mornings were spent feverishly trying to read a
six-inch pile of manuscripts, and afternoons in tearing these
manuscripts to bits. One should not minimize the tremendous
generosity shown by everybody at Milford. They would dispense
their sharpest criticisms lavishly and with great bounty,
never letting their smiles fade throughout this strenuous
attention that was surely beyond the call of duty. Between
such bouts of intense intellectual activity, Geoff Ryman kept
us entertained for hours with colourful descriptions of the
grosser aspects of plastic surgery, while Peter Beere proved
expert in various country practices involving sheep. Lisa
Tuttle did her famous imitation of a big-mouth frog; Colin
Greenland kept up the charade all weekend, croaking piteously
as his voice gradually faded to nothing.
Speaking of charades, a game did develop on Sunday night,
after an especially good and well-lubricated banquet laid on
by the hotel. Garry Kilworth proved remarkably adept at
thinking up titles like CONFESSIONS OF A JUSTIFIED SINNER,
while Geoff Ryman's performance of THE HOUSE AT POOH CORNER
should be preserved in a thespian hall of fame. Elsewhere, a
no-holds-barred, bare-fisted game of scrabble erupted in
furious controversy over Dave Langford's spelling of `jism'.
Speaking of bodily fluids, David G. had arrived in apparent
rubicund health to announce that he had a cold. With
remarkable open-handedness, he proceeded to share his good
fortune. Thus, on Monday morning, as we slowly emerged bleary-
eyed and hungover, many of us had this extra souvenir of our
visit to take home. (Other, equally welcome souvenirs included
the unfortunately ineradicable memories of G.Kilworth's jokes.
It was Mr Garnett who contributed the most harrowingly
memorable scene in any story, a detailed yet inadvertent
description of a flasher in what was SUPPOSED to be a space-
opera for kids... DRL)
In truth though, it was a marvellously stimulating and
enjoyable weekend, one of the best I've had, and I can only
hope I'll be invited back next year (please!). I also hope for
a return to the week-long format. A weekend that good,
extended over a full week, would be worth experiencing. (PK)
### CASSANDRA WORKSHOP 1984 :: CHARLES STROSS
So where were the slavering publishers, waiting to snap up
first serial rights to the masterpieces served up at this
workshop? It began quietly, as one by two the hesitant writers
appeared in the door of the hotel bar. There, these exotic,
unknown beings from alien locations who wrote such particular
things were snorkelling _la!ger_ and _ci'de'r_ and such
esoteric brews through their appendages. Ian Watson appeared
quire smug, possibly due to Gollancz's decision to feed him
better in return for more volumes of THE BOOK OF THE RIVER.
Dave Clements considered translating his contribution from the
American for those of us who live on this side of the great
undrinkable. Sue Thomason caused controversy by her absence
due to lurgi (shall we or shall we not wait till closing
time?)... aggravated next day when, in the quiet and
dignified Westone Hotel conference room (grovels -- we may
need it again), it was agreed that her piece was worthy of
good publicity -- the kind with royalties attached.
Saturday passed without anyone quite crawling through the door
whilst trying to stem the flow from the jugular. It wasn't as
self-congratulatory as it might have been; no one escaped some
degree of red pencil, though couple were told by Ian in no
uncertain terms to "get it off to ----" (fill in your
favourite mag here). The event hinged on guru Ian's presence;
his criticisms were detailed, effective and helpful; we all
owe him. Sunday morning passed in a haze of discussions on how
to grab publishers by the throat and suck them dry (thank you,
Dr Acula, for your keynote lecture), on the basis of which I
predict a boom in SFWA (UK) memberships within the next few
months. A good time was had by all, including the obligatory
INTERZONE-bashing session: most of us had collected bloody
ones (rejection slips, that is) from that worthy organ of the
New Wave establishment... hence our presence at Cassandra.
Next year -- see you there? (CS)
IAN WATSON elucidates: "The first Cassandra SF workshop was
held in Northampton, 24-26 Aug, in the idyllic surroundings of
the Westone Moat House which laid on endless hot coffee, and
notepads, while innumerable RAF officers held wedding
receptions on the lawns outside. Ace organizer Bernard Smith
ensured the workshop went instantly into top gear by
distributing copies of everything beforehand. The world's
forests should beware of Charles Stross, who submitted a
highly saleable story and turned up with 2 awesome-looking
novels apparently written in the previous 3 weeks and about to
become trilogies. Simon Ings was commanded to transform his
story into a portion & outline for the US fantasy editors.
Stephen Bowkett confided he'd just sold a children's fantasy
to Gollancz; so modestly did he confide that most present did
not hear. Dave Clements & Jim England cautiously flashed the
guilty secrets of their earlier Hale novels at each other,
like secret agents comparing the halves of a torn-up fiver.
Brains were set on fire that weekend; enthusiastic demands to
hold another workshop mere weeks later were, in the end,
trounced by sanity; the next Cassandra workshop will occur
next August bank holiday. Bernard was urged to transform
CASSANDRA magazine into a full-scale commercial venture,
perhaps funded from the excess profits of a convention he
could organize in Northampton. Naughty things were said by
many participants about INTERZONE, to the amazement of the
Chairperson, who remained nobly impartial throughout." (IW)
RAMSEY CAMPBELL: "From the press handout of CHILDREN OF THE
CORN, produced by Terry Kirby, directed by Fritz Kiersch:
`During the filming of STEPHEN KING'S CHILDREN OF THE CORN,
Kiersch and Kirby made judicious use of cameras.' Who knows,
it may even catch on." (RC) [Which brings us to closing
credits for John `E-Stencils' Harvey and Jim `UK87 Logo'
Barker.]
### EDITORIAL
The results of our latest in-depth readership survey were that
(a) no one else should (or wants to) take over ANSIBLE, which
is OK by me provided you (meaning everyone but Abigail) can
cope with the irregular schedule; (b) a massive majority of
over 400 subscribers did not care to vote in the 1983/4 Poll
-- owing to apathy, inability to cope with the enormous
intellectual effort of preparing a bit of paper, or conviction
that the relevant period was too long ago for memory (or too
dull for attention). Interestingly, the pitiful scatter of
votes hinted at an overthrow of the boring old names --
including me, thank goodness -- and acknowledgement of the New
talent. Another couple of dozen votes and the thing may be
worth printing; otherwise it looks like bye-bye till 1985.
Your cue. (See A39.)
### CONS
MEXICON 2 has been having trouble finding suitable and
affordable hotels -- hence its postponement to a tentative Feb
1986. "We couldn't even afford one DAY at the last place we
tried," groaned Greg Pickersgill, adding that hotel managers
had readily confessed that (a) if they didn't get Mexicon
they'd have an empty hotel and lose money, but (b) they still
wouldn't reduce their charges in the slightest. "Weird,"
commented Ealing's guru. Official press releases promised
soon; meanwhile, until '85, registration is #6 to Mexicon at
24a Beech Rd, Bowles Pk, London NW11 2DA. AUSSIECON II:
Chairman John Foyster has fled (family problems), replaced by
David Grigg, with Carey Handfield as the Deputy Chair...
CAMCON 85 should be the 6th Unicon, in Cambridge; the
Committee is reportedly still searching Mexicon-style for an
affordable and unbooked college venue. #1 presupp ("returned
if no con possible") to 63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9
1LQ... SF FOUNDATION AGM on 15 Nov!! (Control yourselves)...
EUROPEAN TREK CONVENTIE (see A39): Maureen Porter passes on a
partially coherent note from the con's organizer, explaining
that it won't take place on 2-4 Nov 84 but 1-3 Nov next
year... YUGOSLAVIA is dead keen to host a Worldcon at the end
of the decade, says Ian Watson, adding that they need a UK
agent. Mastermind Miha Granda, Vrajema 5, 61000 Ljubljana,
Yug. (tel 061-443-629)... YORCON III surges onward (5-8 April
85) with no more than the usual appalling rumours of events at
committee meetings. Surely there can be no truth in the story
that chairman-in-all-but-name Graham Jones remarked that the
only good thing about the con would be the fan room; that Alan
Ferguson queried this remark, coming as it did from the person
organizing the main programme; that GJ wittily riposted by
seizing AF and starting to drag him from the room with cried
of "You've been getting at me all this meeting, we're going to
settle this outside"; that the remainder of the committee gave
a remarkable Still Life performance for some seconds until
Arnold Akien stood to remonstrate with GJ; that GJ, pausing
only for brief abuse (You're just a joke in fandom, Akien!")
burst out the room to sulk; that several committee members
then resigned, one (Pete Lyon) for the second time, but were
coaxed back in the interests of Total Committee Unity and
Cosmic Harmony; that... but enough of these evident smears
which have reached me. Yorcon is no doubt strong and vital...
SPACE-EX 84, that huge but shifty event, proved not to be
strong and vital (ANSIBLE editor represses cry of "I told you
so!"). Ace reporter Marcus Rowland turned up on the supposed
first day, 6 Aug, to find at the Westminster Central Hall a
sigh saying SPACE-EX IS CANCELLED. Investigator D.M.Sherwood
reports that the event was moved to Bank Holiday weekend (in a
blaze on non-publicity): "Hall managers were a bit dodgy about
letting Mike Parry (De Boss) have the place for a week on the
slate but were persuaded to OK 3 days (fools). This was
decided about a week before the old date. Set decorations
weren't finished at beginning of Aug; of course they weren't
paid for. P ordered 50 uniforms for Starship Ushers (gophers),
all the same size, to be paid for out of profits (!). Just
about all GoHs dropped out. Other P.stories: the time he sold
carpets and furniture from under his 7 kiddies' feet to
finance a previous con; the time he organized a quiet buffet
for about 100 and 35 came, so he had to accost startled
passers-by in the street and tout 1/2-price tickets; the time
he [etc, etc]..." (DMS)
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
THE LAST DANGEROUS VISIONS: "Harlan is claiming that he'll
have the MS in to his publishers in October; all he has to do
is pry in the last purchased story. bought over Worldcon
weekend from non-attending Steven Bryan Bieler (c)..." (Thus
Jerry Kaufmann, who adds:) "Tell C.Atkinson I have a horrible
picture of her from the Brit in 87 party, in which she looks
sour, suspicious and hostile. Did I capture the true
Atkinson?"... FANTASYCON AWARDS: Peter Straub's FLOATING
DRAGON (novel), Karl Edward Wagner's `Neither Brute Nor Human'
(short), Ro Pardoe's GHOSTS AND SCHOLARS (small press), Rowena
Morrill (Artist), VIDEODROME (film), Don and Elsie Wollheim
(having been around a long time). At the con an outraged
Tanith Lee demanded that the vile Neil Gaiman be cast out onto
the street for general malpractice: he got his comeuppance at
an Unwin launch party where to his disgust he learnt that
several fans thought his KNAVE bits were by D.Langford (perish
the thought). "Such an obvious _pseudonym_, after all," said
Colin Greenland sweetly... ROB HOLDSTOCK SHAVES OFF BEARD!
(What d'you mean, "is that all?" When Frank Herbert shaves off
his beard he gets front-page coverage in LOCUS -- isn't our
Rob news too? Oh)... CHEAP PRINTING, or rather photocopying
(up to A3 size) is offered to fans by Mike Costello, who
eagerly awaits your SAEs-for details at 17 Langbank Ave, Rise
Park, Nottingham, NG5 5BU... APAs: The blight continues to
spread, its latest outbreak being provisionally titled DA
ORGANIZATION, run by Stan Eling at 124 Galton Rd, Smethwick,
Warley, Birmingham. In reaction the Astral League has
announced APA ASTRAL: THESE SOCALLED APAS ARE NOT
IDEOLOGICALLY SOUND... THE ASTRAL LEAUGE WILL TAKE MEASURES.
You are advised hereby for the final time not to take notice
of any except APA ASTRAL. This is FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. In other
APAs it is all trivial like whether Tedy Bears have feelings
or if rubber is bad for the skin but in APA ASTRAL it is more
COSMIC which is IMPORTANT." 50p to the usual address. By the
way, D.West appears to have landed a job as part-time
librarian and bought a suit. He's in the children's section.
Please close your eyes for one moment and imagine this...
FOLIES BERGERON: the biggest downer of 80s fandom, for me, has
been Richard Bergeron's* incredible, vindictive accusation
that Avedon Carol fiddled TAFF in favour of a Welsh
boyfriend. In RB's weird world, the statement that D.West's
domino games are a boring spectator sport ranks as crafty
poisoning of voter's minds against dynamic extrovert D.: and
so on, and on. I can't cope... TAFF ballots will circulate at
Novacon etc: Patrick and Teresa Nielsen Hayden vs. Rich Coad,
victor(s) travelling to Yorcon III, deadline end '84, more
from Hansen, 9a Greenleaf Rd, East Ham, E6 1DX. SEFF (to
Swecon, Aug 85) looks like Steve Green vs Hans-Jurgen Mader,
nominations (to C.Fine or A.Engholm, addresses elsewhere)
close 1 Dec... BOOKER HORROR! J.G.Ballard's failure to win (I
hope not because the judges reacted against media enthusiasm
for JGB, or his `shady SF background') was the big news,
eclipsing the actual winner -- Anita Brookner's HOTEL DU
LAC... TROUTMANIA: in the afterglow of Albacon 84, the Glasgow
mob has been speaking expansively of bidding for a Eurocon, a
Novacon (!), a Worldcon... UPDATES: instead of the $1M+
rumoured in A39, Clarke flogged his next 2 novels for $1.10
(10 cents for SONGS OF DISTANT EARTH, $1 for 20,001: THE FINAL
-- you should be so lucky -- ODYSSEY), anticipating colossal
royalties. His reaction to his success in getting USSR editor
V.Zakharchenko sacked (he serialized 2010 and failed to notice
that ALL Russian characters are named for dissidents) is not
known... CITADEL OF THE AUTARCH won the JWC memorial award...
TO THE STARS will carry fiction despite preliminary ads.
(SFC)... BRITAIN IN 87 pre-supports well over 600 and rising
steeply... BIRTHS/MARRIAGES/DEATHS: Babies have emanated from
Pat (& Graham) Charnock -- Daniel, b. 14 Oct -- and Helen (&
Mike) McNabb -- Nicol, b. 17 July. Further ones are expected
from Kath Mitchell (& Leroy Kettle: they got married on 20 Oct
to celebrate, with J.Brosnan officiating as best man with his
usual tact and taste, and a rare sighting of Peter Roberts)
and Faith Brooker -- hers and Chris Evans's is bound to be
fannish, the words "conceived at Mexicon" being on many
lips... Deaths were many, especially in medialand (cf. Richard
Burtons' posthumous appearance in 1984): most notable SF-
linked obits are Walter Tevis, Aug 10, and J.B.Priestly, Aug
14... GREG BENFORD rang on 18 Oct to say he was in Britain,
had just been in Moscow and was about to be in California...
Judy Lawrence has been trying to flog something called THE
TABBY TAROT, intended to lure fans of both cabbala and cats...
Geoff Ryman topped the INTERZONE reader's poll with `The
Unconquered Country', to appear ere long in book form.
(Wonderful mag, they've bought one of my stories at last. THE
PLAIN PEOPLE OF MORETON PINKNEY: H'm, sold out, have you?")...
R.I.BARYCZ reports on the film of Bongyear's `Enemy Mine':
"Wolfgang (NEVERENDING STORY) Petersen into the director's
chair with enough clout to junk several megabucks' worth of
film already shot. Now there is not only going to be your
noble Earth Pilot & your alien in a rubber suit crash-landed,
but also a young woman pilot AND (wait for it) a little boy...
SPACE VAMPIRES now known as LIFEFORCE & scheduled for June 85
release. Feeble title. Something tells me it will end up as
SPACE VAMPIRES by then... BUG JACK BARRON apparently to be
made as a mundane, not SF, flick -- sort of Russell Harty with
more teeth & charisma -- as Costa Gavras doesn't want to do
skiffy. THE STARS MY DESTINATION (Bester) definitely set for
Sept 85 starts at Elstree on $30M budget!" (RIB)... TRUFAN =
"dedicated fan of STAR TREK", says R.Green's NEWSPEAK...
=============================================================
*Hazel's Language Lessons #31: Swahili
HATINAFSI (n.) used of a person taking an action without
consulting anybody because he thinks they may try to persuade
him not to do it.
ANSIBLE 40: Dave Langford, 94 London Road, Reading, Berks, RG1
5AU, ENGLAND
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 41, 1984: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit
of history. Addresses may have changed (though the editor's
postal address hasn't), prices and agents' credits are
invalid, etc.
This issue was produced in my BWP or Before-Word-Processors
era and lovingly rekeyed for the archives by PAT McMURRAY ...
to whom many thanks!
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1994.
===========================================================
ANSIBLE 41 confronts the impending horrors of 1985, but not
with any great effect. Still in charge: DAVE LANGFORD of 94
LONDON RD, READING, BERKSHIRE, RG1 5AU, England. Predictions
of grossly inflationary subscription increases are borne out
by our NEW RATES: _5_ issues for #2.00 sterling. Notes to me,
cheques/money orders to ANSIBLE, Girobank transfer to a/c 24
475 4403, $3.50 US to agents Mary & Bill Burns, 23 Kensington
Ct, Hempstead, NY 11550. The mysterious silence of Leigh
Edmonds has delayed plans for a handy Aussie subscription rate
& local address (anyone else interested?). Cartoon by ATOM,
mailing labels lovingly hand-crafted on vellum by KEITH
FREEMAN, last issue's collation by Chris Hughes and Andrew
Stephenson -- not to mention the debut of FANG the electric
stapler. Mailing label explanation: let's face it, no one ever
understands or reads this bit, but the secret is to SEND MONEY
unless your label says TRADE or features a number higher than
41. Date: December 1984.
*** THE SMALL PRINT: BRIAN STABLEFORD is looking for
cheap copies of his sf novel THE WALKING SHADOW (which did so
well as to sell out completely in 7 weeks, wherupon Fontana
declined to reprint) and is interested in hearing form you at
113, St Peter's Rd, Reading, Berks, RG6 1PG. HORST G. TROSTER
of Escherscheimer Landstr 319, D-6000 Frankfurt/M 1, W Germany,
is eager to contact anyone with tapes of the original Hitch-
Hiker series with a view to p*r*cy/purchase/swap.
*** HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS are real and come from real
dictionaries (to assure new subscribers who've expressed
Doubt). Andy Richards sends background from PAGES FROM THE
BOOK OF III: A PRYDAIN GLOSSARY (TK Graphics)... `HAZEL NUTS
OF WISDOM. These remarkable nuts, which enabled the eater to
understand the language of animals, grew on only one hazel
tree in Prydain...' No comment from Hazel. [ISSN 0265-9816]
===========================================================
NOVACON 14 :: BIRMINGHAM 9-12 Nov 1984
One awesome fact loomed above all others at Novacon, and that
was guest of honour Rob Holdstock's imminent change of address
to 54 RALEIGH ROAD, LONDON, N.8, phone 01-348-5727. ("I'm
famous," he said. "I want a big PROMINENT CoA notice, none of
your mingy little duplicated bits at the back." OK, boss.)
Convention sensawonder began for us in a semi-infinite,
rain-lashed NEC car park. "We're late for our Contravention
meeting at the exhibition hotel!" shrieked Chris Hughes,
hurling Hazel and me dextrously from his car and rattling off
with Jan to plot the future of Eastercons. Several monsoon
seasons later we found a station, a train, Birmingham, the
Grand Hotel and a closed bar (in that order). The venue change
from the Royal Angus freshened the con no end, with so many
more rooms in which to see the programme not happening;
layout was particularly eldritch, inexplicable flights of
stairs in mid-corridor and a behind-the-scenes labyrinth
recalling THE NAME OF THE ROSE, One hoped short cut between
floors led me after many adventures to a forbidden balcony
full of lighting gear, overlooking the main hall.
Merciful oblivion surrounds my Saturday morning blither,
misdrafted on Wednesday while Steve Higgins duplicated
millions of fanzines mere inches from the back of my neck; it
was, by request, all about THE LEAKY ESTABLISHMENT and the
jokes are far too classified to quote. Later, R.Holdstock
confronted me: "You BASTARD," he said. "I hear your talk was
so good, my GoH speech is going to be a pathetic anticlimax.
I'll GET you for this..." John Brosnan, it seemed, had been
cheering Rob with not wholly sincere reports of 10 minute
standing ovations -- I should be so lucky. Rob's speech I
rather liked; it moved from nervous fannish jokes (and
declarations of true lust for Jan Huxley) to a thesis on
Arthurian Myth In The Novels Of Robert P.Holdstock. A few
fans' minds proved insufficiently cosmic to cope with both. I
contrived to miss the `Krapton Factor' game and never
discovered the nature of its dreaded food assault course (when
questioned, those in the know turned delicate avocado-colour
and clapped hands over their mouths). An art auction saw
staggeringly colossal bids, enough to make my bank manager put
on the black cap, while Pete Lyon's tatty con-clothes began
somehow to look like the affectation of an eccentric
millionaire. Chuck Harris, surprise revenant fan of the con,
was heard to ask the cost of paint-by-numbers kits.
Most soothing party: Beccon's, whose olde-worlde
atmosphere revived the dying art of party chat. Most street-
credible: Mexicon's, of course, with its merciless right-and-
left assault of Disaster Area rock music and Agent Orange
punch. (I stopped being street credible a while ago.) Best
Rumour: that Bob (fake) Shaw, whose book trade is said to have
diversified into porn, had arrived on his motorbike for a
Novacon at the usual time and place: several hundred yards
away and a week before. This, as a ghastly example of what
happens when you let your ANSIBLE subscription lapse, went
straight into the Too Good To Check pigeonhole.
Linda Strickler James took me warmly by the throat and
explained that last issue I'd been naughty, chiefly by failing
to realize her Yorcon II rank of `co-ordinator' is what in
lesser cons would be called `chair'. Mike Sherwood confided
that Space-Ex 84's revised August Bank Holiday date was
cancelled with seconds to spare, that 40 of several thousand
expected fans turned up, and that the whole debacle was now
`put forward' to 1986 -- oh God! Bob Shaw said he'd never buy
a word processor, even as Chris Priest, far off in America,
was slowly succumbing (after years of denouncing the vile
machines he's bought himself an Apricot). Barry Bayley said he
never worried about being remaindered, and had some more
drinks while I gnashed my teeth over Arrow's perfidy (the
usual: SPACE EATER remaindered, without warning, in breach of
contract, and newish Arrow MD Nick Webb thinks he can smooth
it over with a flabby apology -- ha!).
The closing ceremony was weird. Nova awards went to Dave
Wood's XYSTER as best fanzine (runners-up THIS NEVER HAPPENS
and FOR PARANOIDS ONLY), D.West as fanartist (2nd Atom, 3rd
Margaret Welbank) and Anne Warren as fanwriter (2nd me, 3rd
tied between Mal Ashworth & Nigel Richardson). It was evident
that of possible voting blocs feared by paranoids -- born-
again 50s fans, 70s elitists, apas, women -- ALL had
successfully manipulated the award! Huge cheers greeted the
Concrete Overcoat Fan Fund presentation; detailed voting
figures would appear here had proprietor Kev Clarke sent them.
The Big 3, says my notebook, were Ian Sorensen (73 votes),
Novacon chair Steve Green (100) and, winner with 149, Richard
Bergeron. Puerto Rico being far away, Rob Hansen accepted the
trophy on Richard's behalf, not without the shadow of some
emotion passing over his face. Then -- controversy! Rob
Holdstock having often told the committee that as GoH he
wished to be fawned on by bevies of naked dancing girls, they
took him approximately at his word and hired a `kissogram'
greeting -- only for a rumoured Hidden Hand to pay the extra
#60 for a `strippogram'. The Holdstock grin froze as things
jiggled in front of it. Bob Shaw wailed his regret at having
missed it all; others were less keen, and protests both verbal
and written were duly delivered to the committee (doubtless
very properly, though Hazel and I had the rebellious thought
that when public breastfeeding and the odd bare bosom in the
Fancy Dress are seemingly OK, it seemed a trifle much to
express huge horror that `_children_ should be subjected to
the display'. Hell, she kept her g-string on...). Subsequently
one committee member dropped out of fandom, while Steve Green
says he'll attend no more big cons except --
NOVACON 15 passes into the hands of Phill Probert and
will cost you #7, to 32 Digby House, Colletts Grove,
Kingshurst, Birmingham, B37 6JE. I rather look forward to
returning to the Grand, where we had a hell of a good time.
FRANKIE COMES FROM HOLLYWOOD :: NEIL GAIMAN
Frank Herbert turned up for a brief press conference on the
DUNE debacle -- er, film -- a few weeks ago. There were only
two people there who had actually read anything he'd written
-- myself, and a bald journalist in a shabby mac (yes, I know
that describes most of them) who tended to ask magnificent
questions like "I read DUNE the first time it came out and
the thing that struck me then as indeed it seems to have
struck most of the reading populace is that it's a great
story, a wonderful story, I thought the way it unfolded, the
way it was sustained, there was so much imagination involved
in it. Later on as the years went on, I suppose people have
read things into it, I suppose the same thing happened with
LORD OF THE RINGS and lots of other things. The whole SF
genre in general... I'm sorry I shall get to the question...
is entertainment still your first priority, Mr Herbert?"
Herbert: I'd feel a helluva lot more comfortable if you'd
call me Frank, guys.
Bald Journalist In Mac who Woffled: Er, thank you, er,
Frank...
Herbert: Yes it is. Next question?
... etc, etc. Mainly he said what a nice, good, great,
magnificent, marvellous, fab, cool, groovy, hip, zowie-gosh
film DUNE was. He also answered questions like, "As a science
fiction writer, people will of course assume you are a weirdo
who believes in UFOs?"
Herbert: Well, I do believe in UFOs -- unidentified
flying objects. Please don't hear that as anything else.
Reporter: No, no, of course, understood, yes. Do you get
a lot of people giggling at you because of your beliefs, being
seen as a crank etc? [Visions of I HAVE SEEN THE SAUCER PEOPLE
SAYS DUNE MAN headlines leaping about him.]
Herbert: I don't think you entirely understood me...
It might have been a livelier time if ANYBODY there had
seen the film, but since it still hadn't been previewed a
scant month before release date... (I think they're scared.
Preview is 2 days before it goes on release!) (NG)
AMAZING LITERARY REVELATIONS FROM THE USUAL MOLES
BRIAN ALDISS: "Germany has just phoned to say I have won the
Lasswitz award for Best Foreign Novel of `83 (HELLICONIA
SPRING). The Lasswitz is the Booker Prize of Westphalia, by
the way... It would have cheered you to be at the Priest pad
for Halloween, where a number of magical realists told spine-
chilling and gonad-warming ghost stories." (BA)
JOHN BROSNAN: "Bob Shaw isn't the only one to have a
`spontaneous combustion' book coming out from Granada in
paperback. My own -- now called, I think, TORCHED! after
originally being called SIZZLE, then THE SEARING -- will be
leaving a fiery trail through the publishing firmament in
mid-85. It's very different from Bob's, being a sleazy
exploitation job with which I'm quite pleased. It will give a
whole new meaning to the term `hot flushes'... Isn't it time
you gave a plug to the sterling efforts of Harry Adam Knight,
especially as his 3rd book will be out by your next issue? It
is, of course called THE FUNGUS and is so disgusting that two
copyeditors at Star had to be hospitalized while working on
it. [So far I've been lucky and received no review copies of
any HAK books. Nor invitations to the sumptuous launch
parties. DRL]
"Sad news from STARBURST mag -- editor Alan McKenzie has
had enough and has resigned. The management threaten to
change STARBURST's format and make it `more juvenile'. No
need for obvious jokes like `How?' -- countless others have
got there before you. But seriously, such a change will mean
an end of the few intellectual bits of the mag -- Chris
Evans's book review section and my column, for example. The
management are waiting to see how the special GHOSTBUSTERS
and GREMLINS issues do before their final decision. Even if
they don't change the format they insist future issues will be
in much `larger type'. A sign of the times. [Chris Evans since
tells me he's got in with a pre-emptive resignation: D]
"And now a gem for your collection of Great Moments From
The Slushpile, from an Australian MS I was sent to read. `He
gasped. "I've never seen anything like this. Even remotely.
What's its form of space propulsion?" / "Yes," he said eagerly
as he activated his sensor converter. / "From what I've been
told, I think it will somehow overcome the laws binding the
dimensions together, up to the sixth. And then, using a mix of
gravity and anti-gravity, a controlled space whirlpool with
the power of the big bang is formed. But in a tight beam so
that only the ship which is enveloped in a special negative
dimensional field, is sucked into the vortex." / "You've
explained that quite well, Trisha," Jesse complemented [sic]
as he walked towards the awesome ship.'
"From the same MS, a classic line: `She was a fish out of
water in a man's arms.' Aren't we all?" [John Brosnan -- who's
only half the man Harry Adam Knight is.]
MALCOLM EDWARDS: "I'd love to think that our bog has been
immortalized by Tom Disch. Maybe so, but I should just point
out that Gollancz didn't turn down THE BUSINESSMAN. Tom
turned down our offer...Take a look at Howard Jacobson's new
novel PEEPING TOM (widely praised of late). There is a
character called Dr Rowland Fitzpiers, `large and dark and
affable' with `heavy black brows' and a beard. He is an
academic grown keen on sf, and is first seen explaining how
all the great 19th century novels are really sf. He also has
lots of girlfriends who are `all the ex-wives or mistresses of
sf writers.' I'm sure even those of us who met Jacobson when
he was best man at Peter Nicholls's and Clare Coney's wedding
will realize that there are no _roman a clef_ elements in this
characterization." (ME)
MAXIM JAKUBOWSKY: "Being called a cretin by Peter
Nicholls (A40) is, I feel, a worthwhile achievement and I now
consider myself a genuine part of the Nicholls Pantheon.
Seriously though, the Allen & Unwin encyclopaedia project has
sold to the US at Frankfurt and as soon as all contractual
matters have been finalized I shall enter a major period of
commissioning." (MJ) [who like PN is doing The Encyc. of
Fantasy...)
IAN WATSON: "Once more into the political fray! Last
night I was adopted as Labour candidate to contest the fair
city of Lactodorum, more recently known as Towcester, and its
surrounding demesnes, in the May County Council elections.
Incumbent: a Liberal. Tory White Hope: Lord Hesketh." (IW)
ARTHUR C. CLARKE's new puffsheet lists the 2010 UK film
debut (9 March), and in the same month the start of an `ITV
series' called ARTHUR C. CLARKE'S WORLD OF STRANGE POWERS.
Egad... WILLIAM GIBSON sends a poster for Katebushcon 1
(Winnipeg, June 84); in revenge I quote his NEUROMANCER p44:
"the interzone where art wasn't quite crime, crime wasn't
quite art."
"THE USUAL VILE LIES & SLANDER" :: MARTIN MORSE WOOSTER
WORLD FANTASY CON: my spy Deep Troll reports the most
thrilling scene was at the Sunday afternoon banquet. This was
held at 2pm by con organizers who apparently forgot that the
last southbound flight from Ottawa was scheduled at 4pm. 88
fans were booked for it, and during the banquet the crowd
became strangely depopulated as they fled to avoid another
night of Arctic terror; Peter Straub went so far as to
disappear before a scheduled award presentation. Imagine the
delighted fannish mob discovering at the airport that the
flight was, alas, cancelled. More famous agents and authors
apparently disgraced the airport's coffee shop than anyone
would have the right to expect...
AMSTERDAM IN '88? This is the goal of notorious New York
fan Neil Belsky, who recently discovered the enormous
subsidies given by the Dutch Minister of Culture and is
planning a Netherlands Worldcon bid comprised entirely of
American fans. Reportedly Kees van Toorn was approached, but
Belsky is going full steam ahead, talking at endless length to
anyone who will listen about thrilling plans for subsidized
airfares, subsidized hotel rooms, &c.
THE SAGAN WATCH: Imminent publication of Carl Sagan's
famous novel CONTACT (ANSIBLE, passim) has caused numerous
moles and hatchetmen to emerge from the woodwork with this
vile rumour -- `C' has apparently been farmed out to a hack
we will call Sci-Fi Writer X. X is to receive 10% of the gross
in return for ensuring that `C' remains a credible sf novel,
that the plagiarisms are kept reasonably restrained, and that
the writer Deny All if asked about ghosting. Speculation
abounds as to who Mr X may be, but the most likely candidate
is Jerry Sohl.
[1994 EDITORIAL NOTE: Mr Wooster's fantasies about Carl
Sagan are included for historial completeness and should by no
means be regarded as gospel.]
The situation was masterminded by Simon & Schuster's Ron
Busch, whose first encounter with sf came in 1976 when he was
at Ballantine and Judy-Lynn del Rey rushed into his office
with stills from an obscure project called STAR WARS. "We
could make MILLIONS from this" Ms del Rey said. "Little girl,
why don't you take your toys and go home," Mr Busch reportedly
replied. "We grownups need to WORK." Del Rey proceeded to make
millions from STAR WARS while Busch lost $3M on Doctorow's
LOON LAKE and $1M on John Irving's THE HOTEL NEW HAMPSHIRE.
The person ultimately responsible for CONTACT is none
other than Francis Ford Coppola. In 1979 Mr Coppola, looking
for a way to save the ailing Zoetrope Studios, discovered that
sf films made zillions of dollars and proposed an sf mini-
series to NBC. He reportedly thrashed about for a Big Name to
attach to this to make it sell -- someone large, cosmically
minded... Carl Sagan! CS agreed to participate; S&S, sensing
that the Coppola/Sagan collaboration would make zillions of
dollars, agreed and gave Sagan the fabled $2M contract. The
Coppola floundered, dropped out, and left the world with a
forthcoming novelization for a never-to-be-made Coppola movie.
So it goes. (MMW)
:: CYMRUCON -- 2-4 November 1984 ::
DAVE WOOD has desperate fun in S. Wales:
The 1984 Cardiff con has cym and gone with a massive
turnout in the wake of poor advertising and the really
inspired notion of running it a mere week before Novacon.
Rumour has it that the fake Bob Shaw will be advising next
year's committee on the benefits of holding it on the same
week as Novacon 85. Sydney Jordan is to be approached... 42nd
Squadron, flushed with their triumph as Seacon, were in full
force, the Dez Skinn Appreciation Society swelled the audience
to approx 300 (committee estimate) though to an impartial
observer ie. self the place seemed deserted -- one could get
TO the bar with no problem, the battle was to attract the
attention of the massive bar contingent and HE always seemed
to be round the back in the kitchen... Fannish-world count
added up to a baker's dozen who sat bemoaning that it had All
Gone wrong. GoH Ken Bulmer fought his way to the rostrum amid
cheering support from an audience of 45, following
committeeman Neil Burgess's rousing intro ("You all know him
and so I won't waste any time introducing him," etc). Bulmer,
analyzing the potential of his audience, launched into Future
Sex in SF -- a serious talk, honest... By 4 pm Sat one Newport
fan was seriously debating whether to stay or go home for a
bath; thanks to the efforts of Martin & Katie Hoare plus
quantities of Brains SA found in a variety of seedy
hostelries, he was still there inebriated and unwashed on Sun
afternoon, eyeing up the knickers of various females. Amazing
incidents were few. The 24-hour `we won't be closing' bar had
shutters down at 8.30am on Sunday, thus defeating attempts by
Dave Wood, Mike Sherwood and A Certain Newport Fan to get a
pre-breakfast pint. One exciting moment came when Katie H
breathlessly announced she'd heard there were HOOKERS in the
basement. This was greeted with a surge of apathy by all
present, though for the next ten minutes male members of the
party kept having to visit the loos in the basement. I found
no trace of the ladies in question. Finally made my escape
amid cries of `see you at Novacon' and blooded oaths that
NOTHING would induce us to return to Cardiff 1-3 Nov 1985, see
you there?
The certain Newport fan -- initials AH -- cannot be
mentioned as (following the backlash of Security Fear in
fandom?) there was no sign of any checking as to who had
registered for the con: this gentleman never got round to
actually laying out hard cash for his scintillating weekend.
He was the lucky one. (DW)
*** Later, the Certain Newport Fan gloated that when he
returned legless from Sat-night pub crawling an off-sober
committee overcame hotel suspicions by guilelessly vouching
for the CNF as a Cymrucon member. Shock horror, etc. (DRL)
CONS
SILICONE is a (surprise) Silicon-style event: 15-18 Feb in the
Doric Hotel, Edinburgh, #4 to 191 Easter Rd, Edinburgh, EH6
8LF. If I can face the trip I might even be there...
DRAGONCON 3: 27 Jan (10am-10pm) The Bull, East Sheen with Anne
McCaffrey (`provisionally') & Jack Cohen. #7 to 131 Sheen
Lane, London, SW14 8AE... YORCON III persists with membership
said to be approaching 300 (is that all?) and a sensible
proposal from Paul Oldroyd -- not wearing his committee hat --
that two-year Eastercon bidding be introduced in 1986...
Beccon 85 is fully booked (ie. waiting list for
accommodation) and has produced THE 1984 EUROCON PRESS
REPORT, a handy 18pp A5 booklet on (basically) how author Jon
Cowie press-officered Seacon 84, with hopeful 87 Worldcon
tips. 75p postfree from 75 Rosslyn Ave, Harold Wood, Essex...
ALBACON 85: 19-22 July, Central Hotel, Glasgow, GoH H.
Ellison & A. McCaffrey. #8 to 20 Hillingdon Gdns, Cardonald
Glasgow, G52 2TP... Camcon aka Unicon 6: 13-15 Sept 85, New
Hall Coll, Cambridge, CB2 3QY... CONTRAVENTION, unusual among
86 Eastercon bids for not picking Glasgow as venue, has
settled on the Birmingham Metropole near (but not using the
hanger-like halls of) the NEC. Think I'll be voting for them
-- we could certainly use a `new' Eastercon venue... (Glasgow
Fandom: `Sod you, Langford.')
*** TAFF bits ***
A STATEMENT BY D. WEST: "As the losing candidate I wish to
make it absolutely clear that I have no complaints whatsoever
about either the result or the administration of the 1983/84
TAFF election. I consider that the attacks made upon the
integrity of Avedon Carol as North American TAFF administrator
are wholly unjustified and unjustifiable and represent nothing
more solid than slurs and innuendoes arising from personal
animosity and malice. To date no evidence at all has been
produced to show that Avedon Carol is guilty of any
wrongdoing, and I therefore call upon those concerned either
to produce their proofs without further delay and equivocation
or to make a full public withdrawal of their allegations. In
the event that this is not speedily done I urge fans
everywhere to join me in publicly condemning with the utmost
severity the behaviour of Avedon Carol's attackers." (DW, 24
Oct 84)
[No proofs have appeared, though the astonishingly
malicious Puerto Rico fan -- whose name will no more disfigure
these pages -- has indulged in further spitefulness which he
calls proof but shows only his wish to hurt and wound.]
Important. Vaguely connected with the above is a further
attempt to use TAFF as a weapon, by Central US fans wishing to
settle scores with the East and West coasts. The idea is to
swamp the voting with endless write-ins for one Martha Beck
(who's showed _none_ of the transatlantic interest which
should be a sine qua non for candidates). Votes are being
whipped up at Central US cons, by appeals to local chauvinism
and efforts to stir up resentment between "con" and "fanzine "
fans. If successful, this would incidentally disenfranchise
British fandom altogether (cf. the Hugos) and kill TAFF --
what Brit will bother when the US block vote will always have
the final word? _Please_ use the TAFF ballot with this issue.
I particularly recommend the Nielsen Haydens for your vote.
COA [1984 changes of address: omitted here]
INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
*600200# is what you type at any Prestel termianl to get to
the utterly triffic Langford-edited SF news/reviews pages.
Practically the first thing I did was to break the current `no
political activity on Prestel' rule and isert an electronic
petition form enabling everyone to protest against the
sinister Treasury proposal to slap 15% VAT on books, etc.
Interested fans can collect signiatures locally, to the WE ARE
AGAINST VAT ON READING petition, and bung them off to Nat.
Book Committee, Book House, 45 East Hill, SW18 2QX. 105 fans
signed this at the December One Tun! A lot were also signing
the Pickersgills' petition to `protest the use of British TAFF
funds to support candidates who have no contact with or
interest in British fandom' -- details from 7a Lawrence Rd, S
Ealing, London, W5 4XJ... ROZ KAVENEY has resigned as Chatto &
Windus SF person: `a matter of principle' after decisions to
cut back SF etc were taken without consulatation while she was
away in hospital... BRITAIN IN 87 has expanded with a bidding
committee reshuffle -- Martin Tudor has left and several new
fans have joined, including Paul Oldroyd, Chris Donaldson and
Linda Pickersgill. US agent Marty Cantor reports that the
opposing US bid, Phoenix in 87, `decided to convert their bid
to a NASFiC bid. They are leaving their name on the Worldcon
ballot but are now actively campaigning for NASFiC. Bruce
Farr, bid leader, handed me a flyer announcing these
intentions.' Marty further conveys that LA-Con profits look to
be some $75,000, of which $250 goes to TAFF though not until
R. Hansen publishes his complete report. (Ouch)... APPEALS:
IAN WATSON begs `a noble Spanish-speaking soul to translate
(unpaid) an essay of splendid quality on Argentinian SF of
about 12,000 words for FOUNDATION. Said volunteer (please
contact me via ANSIBLE) will receive eternal fame and 2 years'
free sub to FOUNDATION!!' PAUL BARNETT, presuming on Hazel's
and my enormous gratitude at being featured in the dedication
of his new `John Grant' novel THE TRUTH ABOUT THE FLAMING
GHOULIES (h'mm), is interested in testing his theory that SF
fans tend not to be amateur cricket players and vice-versa.
All cricket-playing ANSIBLE readers are begged to write to him
(84 Wykes Rd, Exeter, EX1 2UD). No, I don't know why... JOHN
PIGGOTT WRITES!! `Bloody hell -- Kettle nuptials shock! It's
enough to make one glad one's sub to RISIBLE has expired. Mind
you, the spectre of the forthcoming Kettle infant pales into
insignificance when compared with the Piggott three (no.3 born
26 May this year, making 1 girl, 2 boys), which explains some
of my continuing inactivity.' (JP)... GEORGE HAY has achieved
great kudos as guest editor of the special `Applied SF' issue
of SCIENCE & PUBLIC POLICY (Oct 84); its 331 pages will cost
you a mere #13.60... GUFF: nominations deadline extended to
the end of December. The candidates are ever-cuddly Eve Harvey
and ever-cool John Jarrold (whom I seem to have nominated)...
===========================================================
This fanzine supports PATRICK & TERESA NIELSEN HAYDEN for
TAFF; CONTRAVENTION for Eastercon 86; and JOHN HARVEY for
doing this issue's usual electrostencil. (DRL)
===========================================================
HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE -- THE MOVIE is to start filming in May
with the same production team as GHOSTBUSTERS (thus D.Adams
on LBC radio recently). It'll contain material from the first
three books but, wisely, not the fourth... LAZLAR LYRICON (25-
27 MAy, Strathallan Hotel, Brum) is a Hitcher con costing an
appalling #16.50 to 10 Bourne Parade, Bourne Rd, Bexley, Kent
DA5 1LQ... THE BARYCZ FILE: `More media bits to put in'A'
where they, rather than items of importance, may be
obliterated by the postmark.' (Oops, I've been rumbled -- DRL)
"Lucas being sued by one Lee M. Seiler of SanFran,
artist/modelmaker, over creatures in EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Unfortunately he says his original drawings were destroyed in
a 1979 flood and the judge won't allow substitutes as
evidence. Now one of the alleged thefts is/was a `Garthian
Sprinter': I remember issue 1 of UNEARTH (US SF mag, 1978)
had a full-page ad for skiffy type models featuring the words
`Garthian Sprinter'. Later issues had irate letters: fans sent
cheques (cashed) but got no skiffy models. UNEARTH ed
commiserated: ad placer hadn't paid for his ad, final demands
were coming back marked `gorn away' etc. The sweet irony of it
all, if it has anything to do with Mr Seiler that is... OBITS:
Richard Brautigan (49) of HAWKLINE MONSTER, IN WATERMELON
SUGAR and others which, like much 60s West Coast scribbling,
used sf elements. Francois Truffaut (52) who directed
FAHRENHEIT 451 7 appeared in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS... Spielberg
writing script for POLTERGEIST II in special ink supposed to
fade instantly if exposed to light from a duplicating machine.
A very old one, not the new types with 0.001 sec double flash;
also he seems blissfully aware of mini-cameras etc. Precaution
seems excessive -- it's going to be about mobile rotting
corpses of a restless disposition, everybody knows that....
Warner's being sued for $17,000,000 unpaid royalties on ET
computer game and others, $14M for ET alone. Seems video game
freaks don't want to spend their quarters helping ET phone
home, they'd much rather kill quadrillions of little green
wogs... R. Corman does his CONAN THE BARBARELLIAN 2 ripoff
with something called THE WARRRIOR & THE SORCERESS with a
full page ad of David Carradine taking his sword to the
tentacles of an octopus plant. Assume he's the Warrior & it's
the Sorceress he's busy rescuing from this affectionate piece
of vegetation. She'll be tricky to cast. The ad shows she has
to have four tits." (R.I. Barcyz)... SERIOUS SCIENCE: Bob
Shaw's 1982-84 Eastercon speeches are now available: #1 (#1.50
signed) from Eve Harvey, 43 Harrow Rd, Carshalton, Surrey, SM5
3QH, or -- since this is to fund a Shaw visit to Aussiecon --
Marc Ortlieb in Australia. Learn why `near Basingstoke there
is a pond full of newts which bear an uncanny resemblance to
Dave Langford'... JOHN W. CAMPBELL'S COLLECTED LETTERS --
George Hay exults over vol. 1 of this many-year project, now
in proof from Perry Chapdelaine (USA)... D. LANGFORD loses
further street credibility, flogs poem to AMAZING, hopes no
one will notice.
===========================================================
Hazel's Language Lessons #32: Sinhalese
AKSHAUHINI: a complete army consisting of 109350 foot,
65610 horse, 21870 chariots and 21870
elephants.
ATURA: tying cocoanut trees together from the top, to
enable toddy drawers to walk from one tree to
another without descending when they are
extracting toddy.
MIYURU: peacock; liquorice; frog
ANSIBLE 41 from 94 London Road, Reading,
Berkshire, England, RG1 5AU. Dec 1984
ANSIBLE 42, 1985: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit
of history. Addresses may have changed (the editor's postal
address hasn't, but ignore old e-mail addresses), prices and
agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 42 is the ultimate answer to ... well, it must have
been a pretty bloody stupid question. Other such questions
are: who edits it? (Dave Langford, 94 London Road, Reading,
Berks, RG1 5AU, UK). What is it? (A: a tasteful SF newsletter
bringing you the latest edifying information from SFWA etc. B:
a loathsome and far too infrequent scandal-sheet wallowing in
all manner of moral decay. C: Hold Over Funds.) How can its
unfortunate addicts get their almost regular fix of 5 more
issues? (A: #2 cash/cheque/money order to ANSIBLE at the
editorial address. B: Girobank transfer to a/c 24 475 4403. C:
$3.50 US to Mary & Bill Burns, 23 Kensington Ct, Hempstead, NY
11550, USA. D: $4A to Irwin Hirsh -- our NEW AUSSIE AGENT --
279 Domain Rd, S.Yarra, Vic 3141, changing in April to 2/416
Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield, Vic 3161, Australia. E: Don't
know.) Who did the cartoons? (A: Alexis Gilliland. B: A very
clever Alexis Gilliland parodist.) And the mailing labels? (A:
Keith Freeman. B: But really Keith Freeman's tame computer. C:
But really the long-suffering tax-payer via long-suffering
educational budgets....) And the collation? (A: William
T.Goodall and Alison Haston last issue. B: Dunno who this
issue. C: You mean like a cold collation?) What does LASTISH
43 mean? (A: Your subscription runs out next issue. B: At
least it didn't say SUB DUE, meaning you ran out THIS issue.
C: It says *****? Buy, you really are in trouble. Better not
to ask.) Why is this issue so late, then? (A: No award. B:
Conservative. C: March 1985. D: Don't know. E: Hazel's
Language Lesson was contributed by famous Nigel E.
Richardson.) Can I phone you on 0734 665804? (A: No. B:
Pardon?) What's happened to the typeface this issue? (A:
Rampant technophilia. B: Laziness. C: A new Apricot PC. D:
Chris Priest. E: Pangolin Systems Ltd. F: Most of the above.)
Why? (A: Why not?)
=============================================================
PRIEST FILM TERROR
Having mastered his new word processor to the extent of a
12,000 word short called `The Ament', Chris deliriously
reports: "THE GLAMOUR has sold film rights to Lawrence
Schiller, who produced and directed THE EXECUTIONER'S SONG,
and who is currently making PETER THE GREAT. When asked for
his reaction to the news, Mr Priest said, `I'm over the
parrot, John'... `The Ament' is appearing in a book called THE
SEVEN DEADLY SINS (Severn House, May). The sin I was
encouraged to write about was Anger. I requested Random
Violence, but this was not on the list. I was disappointed to
be reminded that Sloth is a deadly sin, since I have always
seen great virtue in this. (PS: The writer who wrote about
Sloth was late delivering...) I'm currently in negotiation
with Channel 4 over a one-hour television play." (CP)
HARRY HARRISON RAVES AGAIN
"I been misquoted -- the McCaffrey item [in A39?] was not my
imagination or mad ravings -- but FACTS from an INTERVIEW in
an Irish paper. Print instant correction, ANSIBLE, or I'll get
Harlan's lawyer to SUE you!" (HH)
SCOOP REVIEW
-- well, it would have been if I'd published in December.
Jaded, youth-worn Michael Ashley reports: "Hanging around a
street corner in Balham jeering at passers-by, I was deemed by
a passing Market Researcher to be a member of the general
public and given a free ticket to a preview of MORONS FROM
OUTER SPACE, 1985 release. I went. It's a comedy about some
aliens who crashland on the M1, the comedy stemming from the
fact that the aliens are utterly non-alien. (Sample humour:
hanging in the cockpit of their spaceship are two furry dice.)
I stayed an hour before walking out so I don't know much of
the plot. During this hour I laughed 3 times (one good joke:
guy in space helmet clearly going to sneeze and looks
desperate. Finally can't hold it, sneezes violently. Result:
space helmet splattered with green gob). The audience wetted
themselves uncontrollably at every joke, so it's probably a
safe bet to take your drippy girl/boyfriend on a Friday night
if there's nothing else on. Interesting to note that the
makers wouldn't dare make jokes about race or sex for fear of
getting their Arts Council Grant cut off, yet still wring a
few jokes from the mentally ill. Laugh? Well, some people
did..." (MA)
RAMSEY CAMPBELL CHANGES NAME TO RAMSEY CAMPBELL
"When I came into fandom it was quite a good joke for the
Liverpool Group to claim John Campbell as a member, but it's
been a good few years since then. In the interim I've grown to
dislike being called by the forename, so I've had my solicitor
rid me of it once and for all." (RC)
WOOSTERGRAM
"DOUGLAS ADAMS roared through Washington recently, pausing to
catch his breath and hawk the Hitchhiker computer game and THE
MEANING OF LIFF to some 500 glazed and scruffy students at the
U of Maryland. He revealed that, yes, there will be at least
one more Hitcher novel but insisted that there will NOT be any
Hitchhiker's toilet paper. Adams also reported that the long-
awaited movie was still in progress, and mentioned a peculiar
occupational hazard which only afflicts writers in his tax
bracket: `I had problems with the script, so the producers put
my proposal on the shelf and made another movie you might have
heard of -- GHOSTBUSTERS. So now every time I step into the
producer's office, I have to dodge large piles of cash.' Would
that we all had Mr Adams's problems.
"DUNE had its world premiere in Washington (3 Dec), and
all the world, or at least all of fandom, was there. Your
correspondent fulfilled his fantasies of being Tom Wolfe by
showing up in a white tuxedo. The stars were present,
including Dino de Laurentiis, director David Lynch, vacuously
handsome lead Kyle McLachlan, surprisingly aged Francesca
Annis, and of course such vastly more important people as Ted
White, whose tuxedo was surprisingly clean, and the renowned
Avedon Carol, who wore a dress for the second time in recorded
history. `I KNOW things about you,' she said to me before
slinking back into the shadows.
"Frank Herbert subsequently proved his rank of Sci Fi
megastar by being invited to a White House state dinner, where
he told any illiterate hack who would hear him that `There's a
lot of metaphor in my book.' Producer Rafaella de Laurentiis
was more effusive: `DUNE is the story of a charismatic leader.
Ronald Reagan is a charismatic leader.' Oh. What will Joseph
Nicholas say?
"ARTHUR C.CLARKE, perhaps wondering if Herbert would rise
above megastar status to become (gasp!) a Dean of SF, rushed
about giving 5,271,009 interviews about 2010: THE SEQUEL. In
an interview he maintained that he was far more than a well
paid Del Rey hack: `People ask me, do you work for NASA? And I
tell them, of course not, NASA works for me.'
"TOM DISCH is making a video of `Pyramids for Minnesota'.
The producer is... my brother-in-law, Steve Meyer. Sci-fi
lives!" (Martin Morse Wooster)
BSFA CENSORSHIP FUN
Monthly BSFA pub meetings developed a hiccup when the formerly
hospitable King of Diamonds pub announced without prior
warning that the society was to be banned for filthy
practices, such as mentioning CND. Mighty organizer Judith
Hanna issued a "shocked" press release, spurring CITY LIMITS
mag to interview the KoD landlord: "It's not political," he
wailed, "they don't spend enough. And they have things from
Greenpeace and Save the Seals which isn't science fiction."
Like listening to the old Norwich lot saying "It's not right,
you drink and have fun, which isn't SF..." Judith's
replacement venue is the Troopers Arms, Flood St (convenient
for Sloane Square but nowhere else): check first on 01-821-
8627.
1984/5 TAFF RESULTS
Congrats to Patrick & Teresa Neilsen Hayden, whose simple
majority victory is detailed in the attached thingy from UK
administrator Rob "Full of beans" Hansen. P&TNH's flyer
TAFFLUVIA reports a US kitty of $4417.82 (gosh), mentions that
they'll be here from 29 March to 14/21 April, and offers an
"open, publicly accountable forum" for discussion of TAFF --
possibly alluding to a current US "open forum" which soothed
British fears about That Midwestern Campaign (A41) by
censoring all references to it in the letters published.
(Interesting to see that the divisive campaign defeated
itself: horrified reactions swelled voting to a record level.)
I gather there'll be a meeting at Yorcon at which all views on
TAFF may be aired... And now a titbit for those who persevered
through the boring parts: TAFF wars having fostered Avedon's
and Rob's romance (those who noted their extremely occasional
and exhausted appearance at Albacon II may find other words
springing to mind), Carol/Hansen nuptials are definitely
scheduled! Avedon's early hopes of getting married in some
noted fannish home, with D.West officiating, has fortunately
been scuppered by British law...
WELL, WE HAVE TO MENTION DUNE
Instant movie review from Avedon: "Great camera work, fine
cast, terrific sets -- actors underutilized. I had to look
away from the screen during the scene with the Baron. And when
I did I saw the rest of the audience looking away from the
screen. The beginning drags: as Ted White put it, `They
followed the book -- to a fault.' I think they could have
omitted a lot of that expository sand. But the food at the
reception was great." (AC) Biggest laughs at the UK press
preview were at the inadequately prefigured line "Your water
will mingle with ours" and, in the scene alluded to above, "It
is a pleasure to prick your boils, my lord." I admired the way
that subtle Voice training became a vocal kung-fu rapidly
taught to recruits (shout at rocks and make them shatter,
etc), while the long-term ecological stuff was neatly
sidestepped by having God signal the goodies' victory by
laying on a miraculous rainstorm. Gawd. (DRL)
R.I.Barycz adds: "It's almost DUNE from the Baron's point
of view, that's where the director's sympathies lay, not with
them dumb Atreides and their mewling brats. Insufferably noble
the lot of them, whereas the Baron floats around being wicked
and enjoying himself hugely despite suffering from a
fashionable case of AIDS (or acne) and overindulgence in the
good things of life, like wet male flower arrangers in clingy
cheesecloth. Puts his nephews quite in the shade he does --
well, one of them can only bully dwarfs and the other's so shy
he takes a bath in his winged jockstrap..." (RIB)
C.O.A
JUSTIN ACKROYD, GPO Box 2708X, Melbourne, Vic 3001, Australia
:: WILLIAM & JANE BAINS, c/o 100 Galley Lane, Arkley, Barnet,
Herts, EN5 4AL :: CATHY BALL, 1812 Vine, Norman, OK 73069, USA
:: PETER COHEN, c/o Broadside, Admiral's Walk, London, NW3 6RS
:: RAMSEY CAMPBELL, 31 Penkett Rd, Wallasey, L45 7QF ::
JONATHAN COLECLOUGH, 13 Queens Cottages, Reading, RG1 4BE ::
LILIAN EDWARDS, 72 Gordon Rd, Finchley, London, N.3 :: WILLIAM
T.GOODALL & ALISON HASTON, oh god I've lost the new address,
can someone help? :: ALUN HARRIES, 42 Stelvio Pk Dr, Newport,
Gwent, NP9 3EJ (nay, stare not so, it's the postcode that's
changed) :: MELVYN HUNTLEY, 23 Borley Rd, Creekmoor, Poole,
Dorset, BH17 7DT :: PHIL JAMES, 57 Icknield Close, Ickleford,
Hitchin, Herts, SG5 3TE :: RUSSELL PARKER, 2/37 Elizabeth St,
Toowong, Queensland 4066, Australia :: JOAN PATERSON, see
Tibs :: MIKE & DEB ROHAN, 46 Vesper La, Leeds, LS5 3NR ::
JOYCE SCRIVNER, 3212-C Portland Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55407,
USA :: MATT SILLARS, 2 High St, Nairn, IV12 4BJ :: AL SIROIS,
72 Hubinger St, New Haven, CT 06511, USA :: KEVIN & DIANA
SMITH, 33 Derbyshire Rd, Sale, Cheshire, M33 3FD (another
postcode change) :: PETER SMITH, 262 Rochford Gdns, Slough,
Berks, SL2 5XW :: HELEN STARKEY (again!), 91 Mexfield Road,
Putney, London, SW.15 :: DAN STEFFAN has moved: dunno where ::
CHARLES STROSS, 22 Pk Ave, Leeds, LS8 2JH (non-COA: "ignore
spurious address in Cassandra") :: SUE THOMASON, Merioneth
Press, Unit 4, Marian Mawr Industrial Estate, Dollgellau,
Gwynedd, LL40 :: TIBS, see Joan Paterson (oh, all right, 59
Brookfields, Cambridge, CB1 3NZ) ::
HUBBARD FUNNIES
Awestruck Brian Earl Brown reports that "El Ron's group is
running a contest over various radio stations, with the prize
a bit part in the movie BATTLEFIELD EARTH. Some people will do
anything to get into pictures..." Kev Smith had "a shock when
looking for a nice quiet read of an accountancy magazine":
ACCOUNTANCY AGE (7 Feb) ran a vast photo of BATTLEFIELD
clutched by smirking Trev D'Cruz (who started Quadrant Books
chiefly to publish the thing)...
1984 BSFA AWARDS
Mike Moir sends the final ballot. NOVEL: EMPIRE OF THE SUN
(Ballard), NIGHTS AT THE CIRCUS (Carter), NEUROMANCER
(Gibson), MYTHAGO WOOD (Holdstock), THE GLAMOUR (Priest).
SHORT: `The Object of the Attack' (Ballard), `Unmistakably the
Finest' (Bradfield), `Spiral Winds' (Kilworth), `The
Unconquered Country' (Ryman), `The Man Who Painted the Dragon
Griaule' (Shepard). MEDIA: THE COMPANY OF WOLVES, DUNE,
NINETEEN EIGHTY FOUR, STAR TREK III, THE TRANSMIGRATION OF
TIMOTHY ARCHER (as played at Mexicon). ARTIST: Jim Burns,
Peter Jones, Ian Miller, Bruce Pennington, Tim White.
"SEX AUTHOR SLAMS VAT ON BOOKS"
...was reportedly the modest headline surmounting Oxford STAR
coverage when "well known sex author Brian Aldiss" protested
plans (A41: now scrapped?) to tax books and magazines at 15%.
Will this revelation boost sales of the filthy HELLICONIA
WINTER? Or of his lewd essay collection THE PALE SHADOW OF
SCIENCE, being produced by Jerry Kaufman for Westercon (120pp
hc, 500 copies, $10.75 post free from JK, 4326 Winslow Pl N,
Seattle, WA 98103)... Brian's buddy Ian Watson is also big
news, with his council election campaign against Lord Hesketh
(Con): "Extremely miniature headline in the TOWCESTER &
BRACKLEY POST: SPACEMAN WILL TAKE ON LORD H." (IW)
BORING OLD NEBULAS
The final Nebula ballot for 1984 work has the following cosmic
items (all British stuff having been mercifully eliminated in
earlier stages)... NOVEL: FRONTERA (Shiner), THE INTEGRAL
TREES (Niven), JOB (Heinlein) THE MAN WHO MELTED (Dann),
NEUROMANCER (Gibson -- favourite, with 50% more nominations
than no.2), THE WILD SHORE (KS Robinson). NOVELLA: `The
Greening of Bed-Stuy' (Pohl), `Narrow Death' (Swanwick),
`Press Enter ` (Varley), `A Traveler's Tale' (Shepard),
`Trinity' (Kress), `Young Dr Eszterhazy' (Davidson).
NOVELETTE: `Bad Medicine' (Dann), `Bloodchild' (Butler), `The
Lucky Strike' (KS Robinson), `The Man Who Painted the Dragon
Griaule' (Shepard), `St Theresa of the Aliens' (Kelly),
`Trojan Horse' (Swanwick). SHORT: `The Aliens Who Knew, I
Mean, EVERYTHING' (Effinger), `A Cabin on the Coast' (Wolfe),
`The Eichmann Variations' (Zebrowski), `Morning Child'
(Dozois), `Salvador' (Shepard), `Sunken Gardens' (Sterling).
COMINGS & GOINGS
KATH MITCHELL & LEROY KETTLE announce a side effect of their
fanac, called Jennifer, as of 16 Feb. LISANNE NORMAN writes:
"Stuart and I now have a little boy. He was born on 11 Feb and
he's called Kai -- as in King Arthur's foster brother." (Can't
imagine why I expected him to be named John.) CORAL & ROB
JACKSON'S Xmas card bore the cryptic PS "No.2 expected in
July", possibly a reference to INCA. CLARE CONEY'S & PETER
NICHOLLS'S first tiny collaboration has a tentative October
publication date. IPC, it's shyly whispered, may be gravid
with plans for a new SF magazine, and the Norwegian NOVA (no
relation to British or Swedish mags) is launched this spring
-- Cato Sture, Plantv. 10, N-9020 Tromsdalen, Norway.
But OMNI UK went the way of all flesh before reaching the
Second Trial Issue promised for 29 Nov: commissioned
contributions would be paid for, reported editor Jon Chambers
from the deathbed, but no one's seen any actual money...
ALEXIS GILLILAND slipped on ice and broke his leg (17 Jan) but
hopes to transcend his plastered state (8 Mar) and perhaps
visit Britain (late June)... WALDEMAR KUMMING suffered a bad
heart attack in late 1984, but is recovering well. William &
Jane Bains's baby daughter CATRIONA died last year, her
condition from birth having been such that this was in the
nature of a merciful release. FRANCOIS TRUFFAUT, director of
FAHRENHEIT 451 etc and featuring in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, died
last October. R.I. Barycz writes: "OBIT SAM PECKINPAH, well
known for flix treating the human body as what it actually is,
viz. a soft bag of flesh filled with red fluid under high
pressure that leaks in spectacular and messy fashion when
perforated by bullets, knives, etc. Thanks to his pioneering
work, if you now have a flick in which the hero in a white
shirt is hit at close range in the chest with a .45 he does
not just go `ow' and fall stainlessly forward. Wot has this to
do with skiffy? Nothing, save that according to VARIETY
Peckinpah rewrote (without credit) INVASION OF THE BODY
SNATCHERS -- the original, not the feeble remake -- and also
appeared in it in a cameo. He wanted to make SOMETHING WICKED
THIS WAY COMES but it came to nothing." (RIB)
CONVENTION CALENDAR
YORCON III, 5-8 Apr, Dragonara & Queens Hotels, Leeds: 36th
Eastercon, GoH Greg Benford, FGoH Linda Pickersgill. #10 att
to 45 Harold Mt, Leeds, LS6 1PW (#12 at door); last minute
queries 12 Fearnville Tce, Leeds, LS8 3DU. Low registrations
suggest there's still time to book: PR3 announces cheap rail
fares (Persil tickets are cheaper still) and beer (75p for
Dragonara fizz, less for real stuff in Queens).
PARCON 85, 26-28 Apr, Pardubice, Czechoslovakia. Info:
Anhaltova 41/987, 169 00 Prague 6, Czech.
GOCON III, 3-5 May, Gothenburg, Sweden. Info:
Bjorcksgatan 36 B, S-416 52 Goteborg, Sweden. #7 approx.
SOL III, 3-6 May, Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool: 19th official
UK Trekcon, GoH Mark Lennard, Lisa Tuttle, James White. Info:
39 Dersingham Ave, Manor Park, London, E12 5QF.
ITALCON XI, 23-26 May, Fanano, Italy. Info: Via San
Pietro 5, I-16035 Rapallo, Italy. Brian Aldiss announces that
this will be preceded by the WORLD SF ANNUAL MEETING, 21-22
May. WSF liaison: Patrizia Thiella, Corso Italia 32, I-21047
Saronno, VA. Italy.
LAZLAR LYRICON, 25-27 May, Strathallan Hotel, Birmingham:
Hitchercon. #16.50 (blimey) to 10 Bourne Parade, Bourne Rd,
Bexley, Kent, DA5 1LQ.
COLONIACON, 15-16 Jun, Koln, Germany. Info: Reiher Weg 1,
D-5000 Koln 30, West Germany.
NASACON 6, 6-7 Jul, Stockholm, Sweden. Info:
Maskinistgatan 9 ob, S-117 47 Stockholm, Sweden. #4 approx.
ALBACON 85, 19-22 Jul, Central Hotel, Glasgow: Glasgow's
10th con, GoH Harlan Ellison, Anne McCaffrey. #8 att to 20
Hillingdon Gdns, Cardonald, Glasgow, G52 2TP. "We really and
truly honestly do have Ellison and McCaffrey for Albacon 85...
both have confirmed in writing... Albacon 84 has finally been
wound up and the following donations made: Shaw Fund #50, Head
Appeal #200." (O.Dalgliesh)
BECCON 85, 26-28 Jul, Basildon, Essex: GoH Richard
Cowper. Info: 191 The Heights. Northolt, Middlesex, UB5 4BU.
Waiting list for hotel (full up); day memberships OK.
BARCON 85, 9-11 Aug, Berlin. Info: INCOS e.v. Goltzstr.
35, D-1000 Berlin 30, Germany.
SWECON, 15-18 Aug, Stockholm: GoH Lisa Tuttle, Chris
Priest. Address: as Nasacon. "Continental Hotel, central
Stockholm. Room prices ca. #45 for a double (and that is
considered cheap here); memberships ca. #14 (but the committee
usually want interesting foreigners to be special guest stars
etc, which means free or half-price membership). One PR in
English, two in Swedish." (A.Engholm)
CAMCON, 13-15 Sept, New Hall Coll, Cambridge. #7 att,
rooms #16.10/person/night. C/o N.Taylor, Perspective Design
Ltd, Top Floor, 9 Pembroke St, Cambridge, CB2 3QY.
MILFORD WRITERS' CONFERENCE [UK], 22-28 Sept, Compton
Hotel, Milford-on-Sea, Hants. Info: Lisa Tuttle, me.
EUROCON 85, 1-6 Oct, Riga, USSR. No further data.
BENELUXCON 85, 26-27 Oct, Hotel Nieuw Minerva, Leiden,
Netherlands. GoH Annemarie van Ewyck. Info: Postbus 1189, 8200
BD Lelystad, Netherlands.
NOVACON 15, 1-3 Nov, De Vere Hotel, Coventry: GoH Dave
Langford, James White. (Gosh!) #7 att to 86 Bearwood Farm Rd,
Wylde Green, Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham, B72 1AG.
CYMRUCON 85, 1-3 Nov *groan*, Centre Hotel, Cardiff.
Bossperson Neil Burgess mutters of skipping '86 and shifting
to a less crowded time of year in '87. Info: none yet.
MEXICON 2, 7-9 Feb 86, said to be in the Strathallan
Hotel, Birmingham: #9 att to 24a Beech Rd, London, N.11.
BALLCON, 3-6 Jul 86, Zagreb: thus Krsto Mazuranic's name
and hoped date for Eurocon 86. FGoH Roelof Goudriaan. GoH
uncertain ("expected VIPs: Moebius, Giger, Brothers
Strugatski, Dumarest..."). Info: c/o SFera, Ivanicgradska 41a,
4100 Zagreb, Yugoslavia.
CONFEDERATION, 28 Aug - 1 Sept 86, is the 44th Worldcon,
in Atlanta, Georgia, USA. GoH Ray Bradbury, Terry Carr,
toastmaker Bob Shaw. I'm mysteriously short of info on the
increased 1985 fees, as is UK agent Colin Fine (205 Coldham's
Lane, Cambridge, CB1 3HY): ask him for the latest.
WORLDCON BIDS: BRITAIN IN 87 has published a PR Zero
dated Dec 84 (coff coff). Presupporters approaching 700: rush
your #1 or $2 to 28 Duckett Rd, London, N4 1BN, whence a fiver
will also bring you a white/grey/red/blue/yellow bid t-shirt
with Jim Barker design (state small, med, large, enormous).
USA: $10 to Marty Cantor, 11565 Archwood St, N.Hollywood, CA
91606. Phoenix (AZ) remains technically in the running for
1987 but has ceased to campaign for the Worldcon. 1988: New
Orleans is bidding; for Yugoslavia, Krsto Mazuranic says "RSN
there's going to be issued a statement on whether the Bid will
resume its active life and speed ahead towards victory; or
whether it will regroup for 1990; or whether it's dead and
haunting the culprit for its demise." 1990 will be impossibly
tough for non-US bids: LA-Con has published a breakdown of its
$194,000 surplus, of which a full $20,000 is reserved for 1990
bidding. (Other big chunks: $65K to reimburse con workers and
speakers, $10K to aircondition Los Angeles SF Soc HQ; $10K to
bail out ConStellation, $3K to TAFF, DUFF & GUFF [six $500
chunks, payable on production of completed trip report], $2K
to Aussiecon, $65K uncommitted, etc.) 1992: New York committee
in formation. (F770)
THE OBLIGATORY DAVID GARNETT PUFF
"GARNETT: a lone hero desperately battling for survival in a
stark, chilling world where any friend may be a traitor and
every precarious moment of life may be the last..." [And
that's just his letterhead: DRL.] "You know this idea about
the BBC showing adverts -- as usual, I'm ahead of my time.
They are advertising my latest publication every week. It's
called THE PICKWICK PAPERS, which ties in with the tv serial
on Sundays. Can't really call it a novelization, as it's only
around 18,000 words. Maybe a noveletization. It's based on an
old book by some other bloke, but at 900 pages who would buy
the original? And my version is packed with stills from the
serial." (DG)
OUR MAN WITH THE POPCORN: MORE R.I.BARYCZ
"Lucasfilm talking with Disney World about setting up a
Lucasworld at EPCOT by 1988. Somehow I don't think there'll be
any more SW films. Lucas is taking the short money: the Ewok
movie, Lucasworld and now two animated features for the Ewoks
and R2D2 and C3PO... Leonard Nimoy has got his star on the
Hollywood Walk of Fame... Paul Maslansky who made POLICE
ACADEMY is to make Asimov's PIRATES OF THE ASTEROIDS with
Zoran `I made Superman fly' Peristic for the SFX. #8M budget
($ rather -- ah, the bliss of parity)...
"By now Holdstock will have phoned you at three in the
morning with the news that he's doing the Penguin novelization
of John Boorman's THE EMERALD FOREST, which film is to have
its premiere at Cannes this year and which VARIETY deems a
scifantasy feature but which I recall as your everyday tale of
a juvenile South American kidnapped by Amazon headhunters and
brought up as one of themselves in something not a million
miles from Tarzan. Said juvenile played by Boorman's own son:
publicity pic of him squatting ferocious in warpaint,
feathers, poison darts and Gucci loincloth rises unbidden in
the memory..." (RIB) Big Rob will now say a few words: "I
worked really hard on that book, I spent months of my life
making it a real novel, not just a novelization, a book with
my very soul written deeply into it, and ten fucking American
publishers bounced it SIGHT UNSEEN because they don't like
Boorman... argh!" (RPH)
INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
CHEAP TRUTH GOES SILICON: the appalling Texan samizdat zine
has expanded as "the world's first on-line SF fanzine... SMOF-
BBS is accessible at 300 baud through modems anywhere on the
planet. Plug in and call 512-UFO-SMOF." (512-836-7663 for
those of us with all-figure dials.) Look, punks, the world's
first on-line fanzine was and is Starlight SF on Micronet:
Prestel page *600200, mailbox 733631000. Mine, all mine!
BBC HORROR: the Beeb's decision to suspend STAR TREK ("we
said we'd rerun them all, but not when") and axe DR WHO ("too
expensive") generated several billion responses in mere days
to an electronic petition put on-line by sensuous Starlight
media editor Barbara Conway.
TRIALS OF WINDHAVEN is now announced by Corgi as "No.6 in
this sexy historical saga with series sales now approaching 5
million." Hadn't realized George Martin & Lisa Tuttle had
switched to this obvious pseudonym ("Marie de Jourlet")...
CRIES FOR HELP: LISANNE NORMAN wants volunteers for an
undescribed Beccon costume piece -- "we especially need anyone
going who has a Motor Bike." (Or a goat.) 22 Wakefield Rd,
Norwich, NR5 8JE. JOHN BOARDMAN (writes Ethel Lindsay), wants
the UK edition of the "Trivial Pursuit" game and offers the US
version in exchange (234 E 19th St, Brooklyn, NY 11226).
MALCOLM HODKIN "will forego major parts of his anatomy in
easily negotiable currency to anyone who can provide him with
Firesign Theatre recordings: 45c South St, St Andrews, Fife,
KY16 9QR". (BORING VOICE OF PUB LANDLORD: "This isn't SF, get
out of here.")
YO-HO-HO: imagine Mike Rohan's surprise and delight at
finding his "The Insect Tapes" reprinted in an Octopus
collection imaginatively titled 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. Seems
the initial publishers David & Charles resold the rights,
pocketed the money and hoped Mike wouldn't notice.
DUNEGATE is the latest, thrillingly boring US fanfeud.
Was it vile abuse of power when the Gillilands, marking a
Washington SF Assoc membership list at the request (one hour's
notice) of Those Who Distribute Free DUNE Tickets, neglected
several famously prestigious authors I've never heard of?
Surveying irate flyers, ad hominem assaults and alternative
"protest" WSFA meetings, ANSIBLE has little hesitation in
saying ZZZZZZ...
OFFICIAL MICHAEL MOORCOCK SOCIETY: $10/year US/Canada,
$15 elsewhere, to A.Pool, 321 Kenilworth, Memphis, TN 38112,
USA. Can British interest in MM be so sparse that it's not
worth having an agent here?
STRANGE EGOBOO: something called RAT 2080 has arrived,
Serbo-Croat version of my first book, and I must say it looks
just triffic; as Vincent Omniaveritas wrote to me, there's a
quality in a good translation that you can never quite capture
with the original. Meanwhile, trying to make me feel good,
Cathy Ball writes: "I do enjoy ANSIBLE. But then I enjoyed the
PATCHIN REVIEW." Um.
SPACE OPERA: world premiere of MARRIAGES BETWEEN ZONES 3,
4 AND 5, opera version, on 10/11 April, 8pm, Palace Theatre,
Duke's Rd, WC.1 -- bookings 01-387 0031. Sounds nearly as
exciting as TRACTATUS LOGICO-PHILOSOPHICUS: THE MOVIE...
NEW YEAR SCANDAL: which glamorous Harrow author was seen
locked in, er, deep editorial discussion with which SF
CHRONICLE reporter and BFS leading light at the
Edwards/Atkinson New Year party? Shame on you, expecting us to
answer that.
WORLD WAR III SAFE -- OFFICIAL! "We must get rid of the
idea that such a war would destroy all life on Earth... the
planet would recover very quickly... the southern hemisphere
would not be involved and would not be damaged...." Thus
Michael Allaby's 2040: OUR WORLD IN THE FUTURE (Gollancz,
March 85). Invited to comment on this dazzling presentation of
current "nuclear winter" theories, hero Gollancz editor and
CND stalwart Malcolm Edwards said, "Er um well, nothing to do
with me, boss...."
FOREST J.ACKERMAN offers $100 reward to the coiner of a
suitable term to describe sleazy, exploitative pseudo-SF of a
medioid nature (SFC). You may have thought one existed, but
FJA desperately wants his own coinage "sci-fi" to be
rehabilitated. Too late, mate....
GUFF, SEFF: races are under way and ballots are enclosed
where postage permits. Cool, streetwise Eve Harvey and
huggable John Jarrold are contending for a trip to Aussiecon;
little-known Hans-Jurgen Mader and even littler-known Steve
Green have sights set on Swecon 85....
RIOTS IN FIFE -- Malcolm Hodkin reports. "Just recovering
from a visit by Jim Barker and Ian Sorensen. They popped over
to give the first, and by the sounds of it not the last,
performance of a fannish pantomime they called `Fandarella'.
This was mainly an excuse to throw apple and pork pies into
the faces of the St Andrews SF Society, but we showed 'em! By
skilfully not telling them anything about it we were able to
devastate our guests and the audience with our own brand of
humour, turning a simple but weak ending into a simple and
messy bloodbath. The Magnum 4.4 is, you know, the most
powerful cap pistol in the world, and it shoots twelve shots
so most punks are unlacing their shoes when you finally get
around to popping the question: `Well, punk. Did I shoot
eleven, or was it twelve? Make my day, punk!' Yet more hapless
proles were forced into obtaining Albacon memberships, whilst
Barker tried to sell Siliclone to a bunch of not-even-neos. It
could make you cry, or even support Contravention." (MH) I'm
glad Fifeshire's a long way away....
AUSSIECON: Jean Weber begs fanzines for display or sale
at the 85 Worldcon fanroom. Rush all your old, cast-off
ANSIBLEs to GPO Box 2708X, Melbourne, Vic 3001.
CHARLES PLATT MARRIED: On 19th January 1985. In New York
presumably. That's as much as he's telling....
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS NO.33:
KURDISH [from Nigel E.Richardson]
BERDIRKANE party given on occasion
of wearing a new suit of clothes
for the first time.
BINESK what remains of a tablet of
soap when it is nearly used up.
KINGEXISHKE self-propulsion along
the ground on one's buttocks.
ANSIBLE 42
from
DAVE LANGFORD
94 LONDON ROAD
READING
BERKSHIRE
ENGLAND RG1 5AU
[ADDENDUM typed at bottom of Ansible Fan Poll ballot]
LAST BITS ### CON CALENDAR: addenda. Confederation sends
current rates, to rise again in August: $25 supporting, $45
attending, $25 att if you voted in 1986 site selection at LA-
Con. Worldcon bids not mentioned: Boston in 89, St Louis and
Columbus-Cincinnati (i.e. a Cincinnati bid by Columbus fandom)
in 88. Aussiecon PR3 contains a Phoenix in 87 bid -- for, as
promised, not the Worldcon but the North American substitute
event (NASFiC) held when Worldcons come to e.g. Britain.
Aussiecon membership 1365 as of Feb.... PATCHIN REVIEW RIP:
final issue of shit-stirring Plattzine to hand, offering
subscribers a chance to convert subs to `Ansible, an
irreverant, amusing British monthly' [sic] -- good old
Charles, sarcastic to the last.... SUPPORT YORCON NOW, DAMMIT:
`Yorcon is pretty close to broke, already....' (Tom Shippey)
ENCYCLOPAEDIAS OF FANTASY: both Maxim Jakubowski's and Peter
Nicholls's delayed by US sale setbacks.... FURRY GLOVES,
WOOLLY HAT left at our New Year party: owner please claim....
CREDITS to A.Stephenson (stencils) and C.Suslowicz (paper)....
HIBBERT/CONNOR SCANDAL: damn! no room.
ANSIBLE 43, 1985: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit
of history. Addresses may have changed (the editor's postal
address hasn't, but ignore old e-mail addresses), prices and
agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 43 MAY/JUNE 1985 ISBN 0265-9816
Further misrepresentation from DAVE LANGFORD, 94 LONDON ROAD,
READING, BERKSHIRE, RG1 5AU, UK. Subscriptions: 5 issues may
be effortlessly obtained by sending me #2 in sterling notes (I
have given no thought whatever to the imminent phasing out of
the pound note); cheques/money orders to ANSIBLE; Girobank
transfer to a/c 24 475 4403; $3.50 to hero US agents Mary &
Bill Burns (23 Kensington Ct, Hempstead, NY 11550); $4A to
dynamic Aussie agent Irwin Hirsh, 2/416 Dandenong Rd, North
Caulfield, Vic 3161. Other ways to acquire ANSIBLE include
grovelling requests copiously accompanied with stamps; paying
twice as much if you're an Institution which insists on
messing round with invoices rather than fork out like an
honest fan; or subscribing to PATCHIN REVIEW and unwisely
allowing Charles Platt to switch your sub to ANSIBLE when he
folds. Loud, clear, patient phone calls to Reading (0734)
665804; electronic mail to Prestel mailbox 733631000. Lavish
small-print credits: TARAL (guest cartoonist), CHRIS HUGHES
(collation), and KEITH FREEMAN (finely crafted mailing labels
which everyone misinterprets: panic only when yours says SUB
DUE or, shudder, *****). This issue goes to 440 addresses.
=============================================================
A STATEMENT OF EDITORIAL POLICY
"A ZINE is classed as a terror weapon. It rends and distorts,
twisting the structure of the target completely out of shape."
(Philip E.High: COME, HUNT AN EARTHMAN) ...Yes.
SCHIZOPHRENIA AT YORCON III
Lots of things must have happened at our 41st Eastercon, and I
wish I could remember what they all were-clearly I had
desperate fun. (The panel I was scheduled for was really good;
pity it happened several hours before I reached Leeds.) The
usual feeling that All The Action Is Somewhere Else was
amplified by the provision of an actual, oppressive Somewhere
Else in the form of a second hotel for obscure and specialist
doings: art show, book room (dealers bitched, as usual, about
profits being down 50%), video and film programme, guest of
honour speech, etc. (Am baffled still by the unattributable
rumour that GoH Greg Benford "turned out to be a CIA agent
and tried to recruit David Pringle".) The bar of the
Dragonara, main Yorcon hotel, exerted its normal fascination.
Programme items? Tom Shippey gave a further impersonation
of F.R.Leavis in the grip of homicidal mania, powerfully
arguing that much `juvenile' fantasy is all about things like
assassinating one's parents. (Hysterically enthusiastic
audience: "So what's new?") Publishers were as usual shifty
and evasive about publishing, authors all too informative
about the unspeakable horror of the literary life. A hi-tech
programme (or program) spot featured Martin Hoare on the
mysteries of hacking, showing by example that Computer Crime
Does Not Pay since (a) it takes several subjective months to
set up your (or at any rate his) equipment, by which time it
has become obsolete; and (b) only by the most herculean
efforts can one even `break into' public access databases, let
alone the ultra-secret Yorcon sex files...
Up in the fan room, Greg Pickersgill donned his genial Mr
Evil persona for purposes of public communion with, INTER
ALIA, Dave Wood ("GOD, WOOD, YOUR FANZINE IS SO FUCKING AWFUL,
HOW CAN YOU BE SO SMUG ABOUT YOUR UNMERITED NOVA AWARD WHEN
YOU DON'T FUCKING EDIT?" Audience struck dumb by this grasp of
structuralist critical terminology) and born-again Fan GoH
Linda Pickersgill, who had "trudged up from the darkness into
the true light of fandom", only to marry Greg, who
demonstrated by example that there was still a Dark Side of
the Force. Popular TAFF winners Patrick & Teresa Neilsen
Hayden displayed remarkable resource by dividing up the
expected duties of transatlantic visitors: he nobly attended
to the consumption of much native beer, and she as nobly did
the falling over. Fans of yore were everywhere underfoot,
notably Walt & Madeleine Willis (Walt and I discovered a deep,
hitherto unsuspected mutual interest in hearing aids), Chuch
Harris (whose Compromising Situations were too many and
outrageous to list; in his finest hour he burst into a crowded
and -- unbeknownst to him -- hushed con hall with the
varyingly reported but at any rate stentorian cry "I didn't
come 200 miles to meet fucking John Brunner!"), and even John
Collick. The latter resumed where he'd left off, videotaping a
deathless new epic wherein a nonentity (Phil Palmer) goes on a
psychopathic rampage owing to the poor reception of his
fanzine ("We all had to line up and Laugh Cruelly at him" --
PNH), necessitating that rough, tough detective Grubby Herbert
(JC) shoot lots of people, his perennial line "You're asking
yourself, has he shot six, or only five?" constantly
interrupted by walk-on appearances of uncomprehending hotel
staff from a passing lift. Could this be science fiction?
Parties kept happening, the most chaotic being
Contravention's with its paper-plane simulation of a multi-
strike nuclear exchange escalating to spasm level. "I wouldn't
have voted for their bid," sniffed small but perfectly formed
visiting fan Tom Weber: "they totally failed to control the
paper planes." A Contravention spokesman (ever-paranoid Chris
Hughes) later commented: "Aha! The throwing of planes... the
plane-throwing which was started by Ian Sorenson of the rival
Eastercon bid! I SEE IT ALL."
Sure enough, Sunday morning saw the victory (by a mere
two votes) of Contravention over Albacon III as the 1986
Eastercon venue -- shortly followed by a recount and the
victory by a mere five votes of Albacon III over
Contravention.
In an exciting innovation borrowed from old Novacons, the
Sunday-night nosh and presentations spot was made a buffet
affair. We draw a veil over the slight queue problem, there
being a discrepancy between the advance sales of buffet
tickets (on which demand estimates were apparently based) and
the 500 last-minute customers from whom uninformed hotel
lackeys were happy to accept cash at the counter. The
customary pork pie race followed: mathematicians long ago
proved that there is no rational way to convey the concept of
pie, especially across forty feet of dance floor, and unlikely
transportation led to expected appalling scenes such as Rob
Jackson giving the kiss of life to a giant maggot. Norman
Spinrad and a low-powered panel of judges struggled in vain to
rank the performances: their feeble efforts at decisiveness
made no difference to MC Brian Burgess's unilateral
prizegiving.
BSFA awards were presented to Jim Burns (artist), THE
COMPANY OF WOLVES (media), Geoff Ryman's `The Unconquered
Country' (short fiction) and Rob Holdstock's MYTHAGO WOOD
(novel): how can one sneer properly at awards when they go to
such triffic stuff? Voting was "nearly twice the usual",
administrator Mike Moir furtively confides. BSFA magazines,
meanwhile, ring with outraged cries of "How dare EMPIRE OF THE
SUN allow itself to be so much as nominated for this award
when IT ISN'T SCIENCE FICTION?!" Here we go again...
On Monday there was an active attempt at forming a
Convention Gestalt Mind, as unwary fans were herded into
seminar groups under the nominal leadership of hungover
publishers. Parts of this were fun... Deftly skirting
difficult issues like the question "Why do editors always send
my manuscripts back?", Granada's Nick Austin held my own group
enthralled and wove the many threads of debate into a
triumphantly integrated lack of conclusion. Since he wisely
sneaked off home before the afternoon's "plenary session", and
since this session took place before the bar's final closure,
I do not report the ultimate, cosmic conclusions reached.
Overall it was an euphoric weekend. Everything shimmered
through a haze of well-being, even Leeds railway station, even
Graham James. With a shrewd grasp of fans' true needs the
committee arranged an extension of Monday check-out time to
late afternoon, ensuring glowing con reports by sending most
of the membership home late and happy. Let's not talk about
the following few days, shall we?
I SUPPOSE I'VE GOT TO DO IT
...type out the Hugo nominations. Death, where is thy sting?
NOVEL: NEUROMANCER (Gibson), JOB (Heinlein), THE INTEGRAL
TREES (Niven), EMERGENCE (Palmer -- who?), THE PEACE WAR a
(Vinge -- V not J). NOVELLA: `Cyclops' (Brin), `Valentina'
(Delaney & Steigler), `Summer Solstice' (Harness), `Elemental'
(Landis), `Press Enter ' (Varley). NOVELETTE: `Bloodchild'
(Butler), `Lucky Strike' (KS Robinson), `Silicon Muse'
(Schenck), `Man Who Painted the Dragon Griaule' (Shepard),
`Weigher' (Vinicoff & Martin), `Blued Moon' (Willis), `Return
to the Fold' (Zahn). SHORT: `Crystal Spheres' (Brin), `The
Aliens Who Knew, I Mean, EVERYTHING' (Effinger), `Rory'
(Gould), `Symphony for a Lost Traveller' (Killough), `Ridge
Running' (KS Robinson), `Salvador' (Lucius Shepard).
NONFICTION: `Sleepless Nights in the Procrustean Bed'
(Ellison), `Dune Encyclopaedia' (McNelly), `Faces of SF
[Omitting Those Outside N America Because They Don't Count]'
(Perret), `In the Heart or In the Head' (Turner), `Wonder's
Child' (Williamson). PRO EDITOR: Terry Carr, Ed Ferman,
Shawna McCarthy, Stanley Schmidt, George Scithers. PRO ARTIST:
Vincent diFate, Tom Kidd, Val Lakey Lindham (?), Barclay Shaw,
Michael Whelan. DRAMATIC PRESENTATION: DUNE, GHOSTBUSTERS,
LAST STARFIGHTER, SEARCH FOR SPOCK, 2010.
SEMIPROZINE: FANTASY REVIEW, LOCUS, SFC, SFR, WHISPERS.
FANZINE: ANSIBLE, FILE 770, HOLIER THAN THOU, MYTHOLOGIES,
RATAPLAN. FANARTIST; Brad Foster, Steven Fox, Alexis
Gilliland, Joan Hanke-Woods, Bill Rotsler, Stu Shiffman.
FANWRITER: Leigh Edmonds, Richard E.Geis, Mike Glyer, Arthur
Hlavaty, Dave Langford (coff coff). JOHN W CAMPBELL AWARD (not
really a Hugo, caveat emptor, may be hazardous to the health,
etc): Bradley Denton, Geoffrey Landis, Elissa Malcolm, Ian
McDonald, Melissa Scott, Lucius Shepard.
STATISTICS: 223 ballots received. The easiest category in
which to pick up a Hugo nomination is clearly Fanzine (only 7
votes required), unless you count the JWC Award (6). For the
rest: Fanwriter 8, Semiprozine and Short 9, Fanartist 10,
Novelette and Pro Artist 15, Nonfiction 16, Editor 20, Novella
22, Novel 26, Dramatic 40...
THE UNCONTROVERSIAL LETTER COLUMN
COLIN GREENLAND: "I've resigned from INTERZONE and thought I
should tell ANSIBLE why before there's any gossip. David
Pringle wants complete control of the magazine (no, not
ANSIBLE, INTERZONE). He thinks everything I do is part of some
secret plot to seize power for himself, as if nobody could
possibly have any motives but his own. I can't work any longer
with someone who tells me to `knuckle under or piss off'. So
I'm pissing off, to Colorado in fact, to spend a couple of
months concentrating on the novel Allen & Unwin have
commissioned from me... Meanwhile in California, at UC
Riverside, they've just given me this year's J.Lloyd Eaton
Award for THE ENTROPY EXHIBITION. Delighted and much
gratified, I wonder how a book published in 1983 can be
eligible in 1985. Something to do with the International
Dateline, probably." [CG]
STEPHEN JONES: "I feel I must complain at the scurrilous
piece of gossip headed `New Year Scandal' on the back cover of
ANSIBLE 42. I don't know who leaked this particular piece of
false information to you, but as the SFC reporter and BFS
leading light obviously alluded to, I can categorically deny
that I got up to any, er, `funny business' with Lisa Tuttle.
However, I am sure that she will not take exception to your
describing her as a `glamorous Harrow author'... I strongly
suspect those two troublemakers Jo Fletcher and Chris Priest
of spreading this malicious rumour." [SJ]
VINCENT OMNIAVERITAS: "Lisa Tuttle was in town and
dropped by CHEAP TRUTH CENTRAL, where I dazzled her with my
mind reading act, based on bits of inside Tuttle gossip
gleaned from ANSIBLE. She has become a computer widow... won't
touch her husband's sinister devil-machine. `He keeps
bursting out of his room,' she said, `and I ask him if he's
gotten any writing done, and he says No, but I just figured
out how to make it do something great!" [VO -- now in Penguin]
TERRY CARR: "I'm buying SF novels (no fantasies... let's
get that straight) for Tor Books: an extremely good outfit,
headed by Tom Doherty, the only publisher I've ever met whom I
vastly respect both for honesty and knowledge of the business.
I can buy SF novels, either completed or on the basis of
portion-&-outline, provided you've never sold a book to Tor
before (that's in my contract. The point is that they don't
need me to buy books from authors with whom they've already
had dealings, like publishing their books). Tor pays as much
money for advances as does anyone... I'm also fiction
editor for the forthcoming magazine TO THE STARS, whose rates
are 6 1/2 cents a word, the highest in the field (OMNI
excluded as not basically an SF magazine), and they don't
slide downward as word-lengths get longer; they're the same
even at 30,000 words -- try to get THAT from any other SF
magazine! Which doesn't mean I want longer stories more than
shorts; I just think word-rates ought to be word-rates. No
particular `policy' for fiction except that it must all be SF,
not fantasy. I hope to buy as many as possible that evoke the
`sense of wonder', because I think that's the heart of SF to
most people and it's sadly been in little evidence in
magazines for several years. And yeah, they'd better be well
written, because in that respect at least I'm a snob." [TC,
11037 Broadway Tce, Oakland, CA 94611, USA]
ANN LOOKER: "Noticed you contributed to GHASTLY BEYOND
BELIEF. Amazed to find this passage from SECOND STAGE LENSMEN
not included: `"Dearly beloved..." The grand old service --
short and simple, but utterly impressive -- was soon over.
Then, as Kinnison kissed his wife, half a million Lensed
members were thrust upward in silent salute.'" [AL/EES]
AVEDON CAROL: "There is a profound inaccuracy in the
information provided you by Martian Moose Worship [A42]. He
maintains that I wore a dress to the premiere of DUNE at the
Kennedy Centre here last December. This is incorrect. I can no
longer be induced to wear dresses unless I am being paid to do
so. I wore a tuxedo. With all due respect to Mr Worship, he's
as blind as a bat if he thinks black trousers and a tie
constitute a `dress'..." [AC. Or DC. Who knows?]
IAN WATSON: "Mark Ziesing is going to produce a posh
expensive limited edition of my wit & wisdom in the near
future, called THE BOOK OF IAN WATSON, with non-fic from
places like VECTOR, and about 50,000 words of unpublished fic,
including a 21,000 word novella cum verse drama about animated
Ushabtis -- tell Hazel and stun her. You see, I know what
Ushabtis were really intended for; all the Egyptologists got
it wrong. They were intended to... This is a shameless attempt
to persuade Hazel to fork out untold dollars on a copy of the
book; for the answer will truly amaze her." [IW]
INCREDIBLY BORING EVENT UPDATES
TRIPLE-S CON, 12-14 July, Ladbroke Hotel, Newport, Gwent: GoH
Lord Young of Dartington (blimey). #11 att (to 15 June, then
#12); rooms #15.50/person/night (shared twin only). 162
Kingsheath Ave, Rutherglen, Glasgow. This emanates from the
"Space Settlers Society"; I suppose the taming of barren,
inhospitable new frontiers may as well start with Newport...
EXCALIBUR, 12-31 Aug inclusive, Heriot Theatre Upstairs,
30 Grindlay St, Edinburgh... A home-made play stirringly
titled QUEST FOR THE MIDNIGHT TOWER: THE LEGEND OF IDRA KHAN
makes its debut in the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, as above.
Maestro David Norell explains: "At last there exists a
Theatrical Company [Excalibur] specializing in Fantasy
material." (Ken Campbell WILL be pleased.) "May the Kadark
never ravish your homeland!" (A sentiment one can but echo.)
SILICON 9, 23-26 Aug, Grosvenor Hotel, Newcastle. #5 att;
nine different room rates, from #8.90 in a labour camp to
#29.90 for your entire family including in-laws. 14 Eskdale
Tce, Jesmond, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE2 4DN. Heavy breathing
welcomed on (091) 2814607 after 6pm and before 3am...
FANTASYCON, 6-8 Sept, Royal Angus Hotel, Birmingham: GoH
Rob Holdstock, MC Charles L.Grant. #1.50 supp #9 att (BFS
members #8); all rooms #17/person/night. "Has gained the
reputation of `The Professionals' Convention'", says the
flyer, but I believe fans are admitted if they dress nicely.
130 Park View, Wembley, Middlesex, HA9 6JU.
CAMCON (Unicon 6), 13-15 Sept, New Hall, Cambridge.
Details as last issue; GoH announced as John Christopher.
EUROCON 85, 1-6 Oct, scheduled for Riga, USSR, has been
axed on the unlikely ground of "lack of meeting rooms". The
political climate is generally blamed; possibly it was leaking
through the meeting rooms' roofs.
ALBACON III is the '86 Eastercon: Central Hotel, Glasgow.
#6 att (for now); twin/dbl rooms #12.50/person (#16.50 with
bath). 80 Hillington Gdns, Glasgow, G52 2TP. GoH: well, Vince
Docherty rang to ask if I knew Stephen King's address...
EASTERCON '87: to be voted at Albacon III. (Likewise
Eastercon '88 if the recommendation, made at Yorcon is
upheld.) Two bids so far... Beccon '87 is run by the usual
mob: #1 pre-supp to 191 The Heights, Northolt, Middlesex, UB5
4BU; of terrific subcutaneous ructions owing to Beccon's
original alleged plan to announce their venue before the
Yorcon voting and thus "sabotage Contravention": happily they
thought better of it.) Little is known of the rival Harrogate
bid save that Ron Bennett and the fake Bob Shaw are involved.
Cons make strange bedfellows.
WORLDCON '88: the New Orleans bid is seeking a British
agent, notes Linda Pickersgill, who personally "declined due
to the fact that it would put me in contact with Guy Lillian,
a name, face and personality that I try to avoid as much as
possible." Anyone less timorous and more eager for limitless
future fame and power (albeit no spare time) should contact
John Guidry, Box 8010, New Orleans, LA 70182, USA.
BSFA open meetings, for those who didn't get a scrawled
correction last issue, are in the COOPERS (not Troopers) Arms.
And "organizer Judith Hanna" was an easy-to-make misprint for
"organizers Nick Trant & Roy Macinski".
OH GAWD,MORE AWARDS
William Gibson's NEUROMANCER is doing nicely: Nebula award as
Best 1984 Novel, Ditmar (Australia) as Best International
Fiction, P.K.Dick Award as Best Paperback Original...
Accepting the last ($1000 and a Calligraphed Thing), Mr Gibson
reportedly mused on Spider Robinson's habit of bringing his
awards to conventions and inviting fans to see them: "I'll be
able to say, Would you like to come up to my room and see my
Dick?" Dick runner-up: Kim Stanley Robinson's THE WILD SHORE.
Further Ditmars went to BEAST OF HEAVEN by Victor
Kellaher (Best Aussie Novel) and Merv Binns's AUSTRALIAN SF
NEWS as Best Australian SF News. THYME (our info source) got a
bit derisive after this, noting that only about 20 people
voted, that no one knew what Bruce Gillespie had actually got
his Best Editor of 1984 award FOR, and that the Atheling Award
-- won by George Turner's autobiography IN THE HEART OR IN THE
HEAD -- is rather supposed to be for SF CRITICISM. Oops.
As for the remaining Nebulas, my ace newshounds were
distracted by far more interesting fisticuffs, as Harlan
Ellison smote Charles Platt for his snide comments about the
(now) late Larry Shaw. Mere awards could not compete.
C.O.A
KEN BROWN, Flat 4, 29 Davigdor Rd, Hove :: AVEDON CAROL (as of
29 May), 9a Greenleaf Rd, East Ham, London, E6 1DX :: BENEDICT
S.CULLUM, 18 Valley Rd, Rickmansworth, Herts, WD3 4DS :: NEIL
GAIMAN, 73 High St, East Grinstead, West Sussex, RH19 3DD ::
WILLIAM T GOODALL & ALISON HASTON, 2 Spark Tce, Cove,
Aberdeen, AB1 4ND :: ROELOF GOUDRIAAN, Noordwal 2, 2573 EA Den
Haag, Netherlands :: STEVE & LEAH HIGGINS, 200 Basingstoke Rd,
Reading, Berks, RG2 0HH :: LUCY HUNTZINGER (who promises not
to move again for a whole year), 2315 Bush St, San Francisco,
CA 94115, USA :: PAUL HURTLEY, 270 Winthrop Ave, New Haven,
CT 06511, USA :: BOB JEWETT, 105 Craigton Rd, Gowan, Glasgow
:: ROBIN JOHNSON, 30 Mona St, Battery Point, TAS 7000,
Australia :: KEN JOSENHANS, PO Box 191, East Lansing, MI
48823, USA :: MIKE LEWIS, 4 Smallman St, Stafford, Staffs,
ST16 3PF :: BRUCE J MACDONALD, 23 Leslie Cres, Ayr, Scotland
:: MIKE MOLLOY, 301 Langlands Rd, Drumoyne, Glasgow, G51 ::
KEITH & KRYSTYNA OBORN, Bishops Cottage, Park House Lane,
Reading, RG3 2AH :: LINDA PICKERSGILL (temporary, May-July),
c/o Arthur Krawecke, 8508 Dumonte St, Metairie, LA 70003, USA
:: PETER PINTO, 80 Eastham St, Lancaster, LA1 3AY :: JIMMY
ROBERTSON & ANNE WARREN, 62 North End Rd, Golders Green,
London, NW.11 :: PETER SINGLETON, 5 St Andrew's Rd, Claughton,
Birkenhead, L43 1TB :: FRAN SKENE & WILLIAM C.S. AFFLECK ASCH
LOWE (it says here), 302-2326 Eton St, Vancouver, BC, Canada
V5L 1E1 :: SUE THOMASON, 1 Merrick Sq, Dolgellau, Gwynedd,
LL40 1LT :: NICK WEATHERHEAD, `GAFIAH', Kinlochbervie, via
Lairg, Sutherland, Scotland ("I have bought an Hotel near to
Cape Wrath. After 30 years in the book trade I need a
change!") :: MARGARET WELBANK & NICK LOWE. 52 Mansfield Rd,
London, NW3 2HT :: CHERRY WILDER, 19 Egelsbacher Str, D-6070
Langen/Hessen, W Germany :: ALEX ZBYSLAW, 197 Herbert Ave,
Poole, Dorset, BH12 4HR ::
PAUL BARNETT HAS FUN AT THE FAIR
This year's London Book Fair (10-12 April) was excitingly
different from those held in previous years, in that to a
large extent it was dead as a dodo. Most people realized this
on the opening Wednesday and so didn't bother attending the
rest of it; your correspondent, by contrast with the rest of
the sheep, turned up on the Thursday.
Actually, it was a shame. Most companies exhibiting had
decided this year that it would make more financial sense not
to bother sending editorial people, so stands were staffed by
hardbitten sales types. Unfortunately, booksellers and
librarians, presumably having discovered last year that the
only exhibitors were editorial people who didn't know how to
take their stock orders, stayed away in droves. So the halls
were filled with sales people responding "No, sorry, our
editor isn't here. Say, would you like to buy a copy of..."
The only mass-market paperbackers who seemed there in
strength were Corgi (on the Bantam stand) and Sphere (on the
Oh shit we've just been taken over by Penguin stand: Penguin
themselves didn't have a stand). Also recently taken over by
Penguin were Rainbird, on whose stand Maxim Jakubowski was in
fine fettle. He told me the takeover made no differences
except good ones, and contrived to seem remarkably pleased
about it all. Already the Rainbird list has a slightly more
skiffy-ish look to it than in days of yore.
High point was the New Era stand, whose sole project on
display was BATTLEFIELD EARTH -- the paperback hits the
bookshops on 6 June. As if that wasn't enough to make your
gonads atrophy, New Era also displayed the album of the
soundtrack of the book, composed by El Ron himself using
"tomorrow's state-of-the-art computers" and featuring "top
recording artists Chick Corea [no relation of Huntington, one
assumes], Gayle Moran, Nicky Hopkins and Stanley Clarke".
Well, I've heard of Nicky Hopkins. The soundtrack itself --
"This is the first book to have a musical soundtrack!", for
some reason -- resembles 1960s musak, which no doubt shows
that aesthetic taste is cyclical... Moreover "BATTLEFIELD
EARTH is being made into TWO multi-million dollar movies.
Directed by internationally acclaimed Ken Annakin... produced
by William Immerman, senior executive on the STAR WARS
production." Wow!
I missed the episode in which a twelve-foot Psychlo posed
with a scantily clad blonde outside the Barbican in high winds
and sub-zero temperatures, but was able to watch it on video
later. Actually, I wonder if someone at New Era isn't likely
to be cast into outer darkness without even an E-meter. Can
one detect a trace of irony in the publicity puff: "Terl, the
alien Psychlo... enjoyed enormous popularity during his tours
promoting the hardback release. But his ego was not satisfied
-- now he plans an even bigger comeback..."
This years winner of my annual Great Idea For An
International Coedition Someone Had At An Editorial Meeting
And Nobody Ever Got Around To Stomping On It award was found
on the Blandford stand. A fat, lavishly produced book, it was
called NATIONAL ANTHEMS OF THE WORLD. Finally, exclusive
confirmation from Arrow's Nick Webb (while choking on a sticky
bun) to your correspondent that it was not he who invented the
generic description "a cocaine and blow-job novel". [PB]
ALL THE MYRIAD FAN FUNDS
TAFF constitutional revisions were hammered out in a
practically smoke-filled room at Yorcon, containing enough
present and past administrators to have changed the course of
the simultaneous '86 Eastercon voting (see above -- a fact
which did not go unnoticed by the Contravention committee as
they subsequently poured beer over me). Upshot: future winners
probably need to pick up a minimal 20% of final (adjusted)
votes in both Europe and N America. If no one evinces such
multi-continental appeal, the victor is presumably deemed to
be `Hold Over Funds'. (Pete Presford comments, as at one stage
did I, that no one objected when Justin "You Don't Know Me --
I Don't Know You" Ackroyd came over and, in the event, won all
hearts as GUFF delegate. But the massed TAFF sages felt that
being known in the host country was very much part of TAFF's
ancient, unwritten tradition.)
GUFF results are probably in an enclosed flyer, but in
summary: Eve Harvey 42 UK votes, 25 Aussie, total 67; John
Jarrold 22, 1, 23; write-ins for Martha Beck (1), Roelof
Goudriaan (3) and Paul Skelton (1). Eve will thus travel to
Aussiecon in Melbourne later this year, together with famous
husband and chattel John.
DUFF results are definitely not in an enclosed flyer, so
no need to mention them... hang on a minute. Marty & Robbie
Cantor get the big chance to meet the Harveys (plus incidental
perks such as Aussiecon); after an Australian ballot running
to five counts the figures boggle the brain, but Mike
Glicksohn was the last contender to be eliminated, preceded by
Joni Stopa, before whom rich brown (sic) bit the dust. Minimal
votes went to `Hold Over Funds' and four write-ins: John
Bangsund, Bill the Cat, Martha Beck, Dana Siegel.
SEFF: Old news now... nervous Jim Barker was belatedly
persuaded by Swedish admirers to stand against Steve Green and
Hans-Juergen Mader as an, er, "official write-in candidate",
with a plug for him on the reprinted ballot. The trip is to
Swecon in August; there may be time to rush 50p and a vote for
your favourite by 1 June to Colin Fine, 205 Coldham's Lane,
Cambridge, CB1 3HY.
INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
PLAGIARISM SHOCK! John Dallman forwards an entry from
I.F.Clarke's skiffy bibliography THE TALE OF THE FUTURE
(1961): "[1914] Anonymous (Carrel, F.) 2010. T.W.Laurie, 249p.
A super-scientist leads the world towards peace and happiness:
`human nature was divested of its weakness, its baseness, its
cruelty and crime'." And of Jupiter.
COMINGS & GOINGS: RIP Larry Shaw, long-time SF editor,
who died aged 60 on 1 April... Soon to be put down for his
first convention: Graeme Martin Wallace, who entered fandom on
24 April for reasons thought not unconnected with Alison & Jon
Wallace... Long-denied suspicions of author "Richard Bachman"
were confirmed when his cover burst open, and out poked
(ALIEN-fashion) the head of Stephen King. Ace reviewer Chris
Priest reports that "Bachman's" latest, THINNER, "is
everything a hack novel should be"... Mr Priest's latest
literary offspring is THE GLAMOUR, again: he agreed with
Doubleday editorial criticisms, and in a merciless assault on
completists' wallets has rewritten the book (especially its
ending) for the coming US edition... Avedon Carol & Rob Hansen
are having a wedding party in June irrespective of whether
they contrive to arrange a wedding... The ANSIBLE poll is
hereby laid to rest in an unmarked grave, an idea (judging
from response) whose time is clearly past.
"DO YOU REMEMBER when humans were heroes, androids didn't
have social hang-ups and the only good alien was a dead one?"
Thus the flyer for Hamlyn's VENTURE SF line, edited by
Andromeda Bookshop stalwarts Rog Peyton and Rog Milner. The
first 3 choices (two reprinted from famous quality publishers
Robert Hale) amply fulfil the flyer's brutish promise. Venture
publishes all "action adventure -- no short stories, no
fantasies, no boredom." Most people probably won't struggle
far enough into choice 3, David Drake's awful HAMMER'S
SLAMMERS, to find it's a collection of short stories...
THE FUNGUS was the latest nasty from Harry Adam Knight,
really John Brosnan and Leroy Kettle reluctantly foregoing
personal notoriety in order to be able to put "The New Stephen
King -- STARBURST MAGAZINE" on the jacket. This might
otherwise have lacked street credibility, the STARBURST puff
being of course written by Mr Brosnan, though rumour has it
that those actual words were intelligently cut by STARBURST's
editor... A fungal launch party saw billions of SF celebrities
shoehorning themselves into a club bar which faithfully
recreated the Black Hole of Calcutta. The contingent from
mycotoxic publishers Star Books contrived to seem wholly
unembarrassed by the fact that all was being paid for by the
authors... which was perhaps why Leroy kept reducing peoples'
appetites by relating FUNGUS scenes so disgusting that even
Star and John Brosnan had made him take them out. (Among the
bits left in was a very consciousness-raising rape sequence,
with the vile aggressor so ravaged with Fungus [a sort of
cross between dry rot and athlete's foot] that in mid-rape an
important part of him snaps off. Quite right too.) As your
unbiased reviewer wrote, "This book degrades mushrooms."
WIMPS VS MORONS: More leakage from the bent
administrators of famed unpopularity poll COFF: as of 8 April
the leading item was `The Wimps Who Protested About Rob
Holdstock's Stripogram' (27 votes), hard pressed by `The
Morons Who Gave Rob Holdstock A Stripogram' (25 votes). Graham
James followed with 10, but not really, since people's friend
Steve Green had 12 less 5 NEGATIVE votes (a concept thrust on
COFF by dynamic Katie Hoare). Trailing were Greg Pickersgill
(7) and sunshine twins Abi Frost and Joy Hibbert (5 each)...
THE NOTIONAL is an Aussie newszine from Ditmar fanwriter
award winner Leigh Edmonds, and Valma Brown. They scheme to
make mock of ANSIBLE by unscrupulous use of Regularity and
Frequency, not to mention striking low blows at THYME by
inserting Layout. $10A for locals; outlanders' rates $15A per
year to PO Box 433 Civic Sq, ACT 2608, Australia.
MAGS: erstwhile office boy Ian Marsh gloats that he's
taken over as power-crazed WHITE DWARF assistant editor, thus
doing all the work "except select the sexist covers and write
the editorials." Rush your scenarios for "Fandom: the Fighting
Fantasy Game" to him at 27-29 Sunbeam Rd, London, NW10 6JP.
Meanwhile Jack Schofield of PRACTICAL COMPUTING instructs fans
to piss off and stop sending him fiction since he "just hasn't
got room for SF any more." COMPUTING: THE MAGAZINE has leapt
to fill the breach by offering a plush #88 per thousand words
for computeroid SF (55 Frith St, London, W1A 2HG), but so far
has contented itself with reprints.
EDITORIAL For those who feel short-changed by the new
format: you still get lots of words, honest, just less paper
to hang in the bog. All readers are instructed (doubtless in
vain) to buy THE THIRD MILLENNIUM: A HISTORY OF THE WORLD AD
2000-3000 by Brian Stableford and yrs truly, out late June
from Sidgwick & Jackson; an in-joke or two may be found
within, but the real laughs will come from the authors' photos
in the more downmarket Sunday colour supplements. One artistic
loon frogmarched us round Reading U campus in search of
surreal backgrounds: watch for the pained look on Brian's face
as he draws the line at posing in a tree.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS NO.34: GREBO
(or, First Aid in South West Liberia)
pea gyie Finger rubbed in pepper or medicine which is
put down the throat to induce vomiting.
kye di gobo Grasshopper used for getting rid of hard spots
on the skin. Salt is sprinkled on the spots,
and the grasshopper eats the salt, also the
spots.
saa Peppered water forced up the nose of children
either as a punishment or as a medicine.
ANSIBLE 43
from
DAVE LANGFORD
94 LONDON ROAD
READING
BERKSHIRE
ENGLAND RG1 5AU
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 44, 1985: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit
of history. Addresses may have changed (the editor's postal
address hasn't, but ignore old e-mail addresses), prices and
agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 44 SEPTEMBER 1985 ISBN 0265-9816
That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons
even DAVE LANGFORD, 94 LONDON ROAD, READING, BERKSHIRE, RG1
5AU, UK, may publish. Subscriptions: 5 issues for #2 sterling:
cheques/money orders to ANSIBLE, Girobank transfer to a/c 24
475 4403. Or: $3.50 to US agents Mary & Bill Burns (23
Kensington Court, Hempstead, NY 11550); $4A to Aussie agent
Irwin Hirsh, 2/416 Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield, Vic 3161.
Sample issue: send SAE or IRC (but if reading this you hardly
need a sample, do you?). Phone: Reading (0734) 665804.
Electronic mail to Prestel mailbox 733631000. Printed labels
by KEITH FREEMAN and handwritten ones by new database manager
HAZEL: labels should be nearly self-explanatory (carrying the
issue number to which you're paid up, or T for Trade, or some
frightful Egyptian imprecation). Cartoons are by BRAD FOSTER
(right), ALEXIS GILLILAND (within) and TARAL (back cover).
ANSIBLE 44 goes to 450+ addresses. Didn't think I could do it,
a whole masthead without mentioning the Hugo... oops.
=============================================================
SILENT SUMMER
The question which failed to be on fans' lips through the
summer of '85 was, "What happened to bloody ANSIBLE?" Many
things, beginning with Rob Hansen and Avedon Carol....
Madly we'd volunteered to host their wedding reception
here in June. In preparation, Hazel scraped the thicker
accumulations of filth from the walls -- revealing an attack
of house cancer in the form of the dreaded Dry Rot. The #1800
repair bill (paid largely out of ANSIBLE subscriptions, of
course) drove your editor to expend valuable brain cells on
mindless and degrading jobs, including computer software and
reviewing Piers Anthony novels -- anything for quick cash --
while the round file bulged with pathetic letters from fans
demanding their ANSIBLE fix, and Irwin Hirsh conveyed
displeasure by mailing us dead wombats. This issue reaches you
only because Hazel (finding a broken, enfeebled Langford
trying simultaneously to concoct three review columns, a VAT
return and a bit of the unwritten novel for which Arrow have
already printed the covers) took the mailing list firmly into
her own hands. Farewell, computerization. Of course Hazel at
once went down with 'flu, and....
The Carol/Hansen wedding was suitably bizarre, and took
place amid much ethnic rain, in a portion of London even more
slum-like than East Ham. ("I haven't been warm ONCE since I
got here" -- AC.) The bride wore her famous black tuxedo and
trousers in hope that Martin Morse Wooster would once again
describe this ensemble as a dress. ("But Avedon, he's not
going to be here." "Since when has that stopped him?") The
bridegroom wore clothes. When the soggily radiant couple were
hauled off for pre-ceremony indoctrination, British fandom
lost no time in explaining to US visitors that this was
because marriage according to the law of this land requires
on-the-spot proof of ability to consummate the union. In the
ceremony, it was Malcolm Edwards who gleefully whispered that
the registrar "looked just like Marty Cantor": thus unnerved,
this functionary uttered the fatal phrase "Mrs Hansen" and was
swiftly hospitalized.
A reception at ANSIBLE HQ followed next day (22 June).
Cast out by Hazel's No Smoking edict, the "cancer party"
huddled under a dripping pear-tree, heartened against the
raging elements by Ted White's inexhaustible supplies of
wicked substances. Abi Frost's bra strap achieved fame as
(enthusiastically assisted by ATom) she detached a safety-pin
for roach- holding use. Saner people crowded the Food Room,
the Booze Room and the Dry Rot Viewing Room, with a breakaway
party of bibliophiles upstairs appraising the library -- Vince
Clarke checking price tags while Chuch Harris (Sole Prop.,
Daventry Academy of Caprine Studies) wheedled nubile ladies
with offers of free first editions. Chris Priest talked about
computers and Lisa Tuttle yawned. Alexis Gilliland dashed off
vignettes for posterity. Only two gatecrashers were recorded,
neither from Puerto Rico. "This is a CONVENTION," declared Mr
White: to complete the Total Experience I let him sign my
battered Ace double of ANDROID AVENGER. (And forgot having
done so, leading to a wholly spurious account of this incident
in SF CHRONICLE -- sorry, Andy!) When all was over, the body-
strewn floors resembled the last act of HAMLET sprinkled with
potato crisps.
Several thousand book launch parties occurred at London's
"Forbidden Planet" bookshop, all attended by the same crowd of
hacks and freeloaders (save for the strangely depopulated
launch of the paperback BATTLEFIELD EARTH). Newly famous Wm
Gibson was among those feted, having flown over to discuss an
incipient film of "Burning Chrome": his polished expression of
bemusement provoked much local admiration.
Glasgow's summer Albacon reportedly fell into two
categories, the boring, lacklustre bits and Harlan Ellison.
ANSIBLE missed both, though not the prior pub meeting at which
Messrs Gamma & Tate (the Forbidden Planetoids) grumbled about
having to dispose of countless expensively printed flyers when
HE switched the date of a signing session... and then many
more when he switched it back again... after which they
cancelled the whole thing in pique. Lightning event report
from Avedon: "We all got together at a pub and listened to
Holdstock talk to Ellison about sex while he wanted to talk
business (perhaps buying a Holdstock story for LAST DANGEROUS
VISIONS?)." Amazingly, HE was still worried about whether I
carried a 9-year-old grudge: after a tearful rapprochement, he
departed with the happy assurance that his conscience need no
longer feel, as it were, tweaked.
Beccon happened too: I don't remember much, since during
my brief visit I got to drinking with Barry Bayley, a fatal
mistake if you value your brain cells, or kidneys.
Summer, such as it was, ended with what after persistent
hotel stroppiness and growing local exhaustion may have been
the final Silicon up in Newcastle. (Advance omen at Disclave:
a woman passed out flyers for "SILiCON 1 -- Instead of talking
about imaginative fiction, guests at SILiCON will live it!":
informed by Ted White that there'd been a Silicon for years,
she was quite worried until told... "Oh, it's BRITISH! They
don't count.") Instead of talking about SF, guests at Silicon
were forced to live the usual silliness, culminating in a "Sex
Game" wherein crack male and female teams vied to display
superior, er, sensuality. A blindfolded Mike Glicksohn, trying
to identify a slimy vegetable salad by touch, hazarded:
"Martin Hoare at the end of this weekend." Greg Pickersgill,
failing to detect the taste of Bovril dissolved in yoghurt,
made several deeply obscene guesses. Laura Wheatley, after not
identifying leather by its smell, cried: "You can't expect me
to get that, I'm a vegetarian!" Female superiority was duly
established. We mercifully omit Chris Evans's serious literary
analysis of "The Science Fiction of Margaret Thatcher",
replete with examples like Maggie's alleged SF novel of First
Contact, titled SOD OFF, FUCKFACE. Alasdair Gray, meanwhile,
displayed his usual horizontal bonhomie.
Traditional foul beer drove a small party away for Sunday
lunch, helping me miss the fabled Malcolm Edwards Phone Call
From Australia. Britain in '87 was official, and... I've met
with many unnerving receptions on staggering back from the
pub, but never before a standing ovation. Thanks, folks.
BLOODY HELL!
Here's the Hugo list, courtesy of Aussiecon's amazingly speedy
Roy Ferguson. Do you want the detailed statistical breakdown?
I thought not. There were 443 valid and 23 invalid ballots,
the winners being: NOVEL [395 ballots cast]: NEUROMANCER by
William Gibson (Chris Priest, as UK agent for Mr G, turns
handsprings). NOVELLA [355]: "Press Enter *" by John Varley.
NOVELETTE [349]: "Bloodchild" by Octavia Butler. SHORT [345]:
"Crystal Spheres" by David Brin. NON-FICTION [313]: WONDER'S
CHILD: MY LIFE IN SF by Jack Williamson. DRAMATIC PRESENTATION
[413]: 2010. PRO EDITOR [358]: Terry Carr. PRO ARTIST [330]:
Michael Whelan. SEMI-PROZINE [325]: LOCUS. FANZINE [284]: FILE
770. (After F770's victory, Mike Glyer declared a "withdrawal"
from future competition -- something not covered by the rules.
Meanwhile, weary of losing to LOCUS in the semi-prozine
category, Dick Geis has declared his SF REVIEW to be once
again a fanzine.) FANWRITER [284]: Dave Langford! FANARTIST
[287]: Alexis Gilliland. JOHN W. CAMPBELL AWARD [291; not a
Hugo]: Lucius Shepard.
THE OPEN CONSPIRACY
The name of our 45th Worldcon (in Brighton, of course -- both
the Metropole and the mighty Conference Centre) is, for no
evident reason, Conspiracy '87. It ousted the Phoenix
(Arizona) quasi-bid by 400 to 100 votes. Guests of honour are
Alfred Bester, Doris Lessing, and (fan) Ken & Joyce Slater,
plus Jim Burns as Artist GoH and me as "special fan guest",
and Brian Aldiss in the role of toastmaster. Address is now:
PO BOX 43, CAMBRIDGE, CB1 3JJ; attending membership is #19.50
(USA $30, Australia $A40), supporting #10 ($15, $A20), with a
#2 ($3, $A3) discount for paid-up presupporters. Agents
include Mary & Bill Burns (US, as masthead) and Justin Ackroyd
(GPO Box 2708X, Melbourne, Vic 3001, Australia).
Reports of Aussiecon are understandably incoherent. Some
1800-2000 fans were present, the largish Brit contingent being
swelled by freebies from official Conspiracy airline British
Airways. (The most mysterious free ride must be Paul
Heskett's. "Fred Harris rang me on the previous Monday asking
if I'd like to go to Oz. I had nothing better to do....")
CHRIS HUGHES & JAN HUXLEY summarized the city: "Melbourne
(Melbun, as they say here): trams, MacDonalds, palm trees,
awful coffee, cheap steaks and wine, fountains, strange
conventions.... Fantastic." [CH/JH]
JOSEPH NICHOLAS's postcard showed the 1880 Victoria
Hotel, "the site of the fan programme, which was itself pretty
good despite various irritating snarl-ups.... Valma Brown will
be standing for GUFF for a trip to Brighton in 1987. As one of
her nominators, I can say that she's ideologically sound and
will struggle against global hegemonization wherever it may be
found: she is therefore the candidate to vote for." [JMN]
MARTIN MORSE WOOSTER was diverted from the trail of
scandal and horror: "Inimitable presence of J. Nicholas has
caused me to talk about American politics, New Zealand
politics, Aussie politics.... Now I know what American
cultural imperialism REALLY MEANS." [MMW]
PAUL DORMER sent his notes to SMALL MAMMAL (the bum),
thus: "The heavy voting for Conspiracy was a result of
bribery: British Airways had freighted over a large quantity
of Brighton rock. This served to keep those fans manning the
British table fed. The con committee suggested the sticks
ought to be peace-bonded under their weapons policy.... On a
panel, Frank Herbert stated that he'd never written a DUNE
book for money. The masquerade was a bit of a shambles -- the
stage was so low that most people had difficulty seeing the
contestants, particularly `Conan the Baby'. The Hugo
presentation was rather better, though the slides used to
announce nominations always seemed to be in the wrong order...
also the best novella winner was flashed up on the screen as
`John Varley, Pless Enter *'.... British presence was strong
in the fan programme, including a Bob Shaw talk and a
demonstration of the Astral Pole by Joe Nicholas (the report
is unclear as to whether Judith Hanna's cry of `Joseph
Nicholas stop biting your nails this instant' occurred before
or after this demonstration)...." [PD/SM]
A surprise Worldcon bid (as hinted in A41 before Kees van
Toorn told me to shut up) is Holland in 1990, with a steering
committee of Kees & Angelique van Toorn, Lynne Ann Morse and
Roelof Goudriaan. Pre-supporting memberships #4 (blimey, 400%
inflation), $5, or 15 guilders, to PO Box 95370, 2509 CJ The
Hague, Netherlands -- or to "a rapidly growing network of
international agents". This should fill US fans with paranoia:
Conspiracy won its bid in Australia and (as I understand
recent rule changes), Holland in 1990 will be voted at
Conspiracy. An un-American plot! The domino theory!
The 1990 opposition provoked Irwin Hirsh to paranoid
speculations of his own: "A comment on LA-Con II's allotment
of money for bidding for the 1990 Worldcon: at today's prices
it would cost about $40 to take out a supporting membership of
the '88 Worldcon and vote in the Site Selection. So $10,000
can buy 250 votes, about 20-25% of votes usually cast. A scary
thought." The amount set aside by LA-Con was in fact $20,000.
Which links with another problem reported in US newszines --
the increasing interest of US Internal Revenue in profits of
"non-profit-making" cons. Seems the "charitable foundation"
position is being made untenable by taxmen's discovery that
private individuals (especially dealers and artists) make
vast spinoff profits.... [F770]
Thus Teresa Nielsen Hayden reveals an Informed Source's
proposed slogan for one future bid: "If Boston wins the bid
for 1989, and LA for 1990, they'll have so much left-over
money that they'll NEED Baltimore in 1992."
CHANGE & DECAY IN ALL AROUND I SEE
IMAGINE magazine bit the dust in August, the issue on the
stands being appropriately numbered 30. This is all TSR's
fault: "Der Fuhrer Amerikanisch has ordered the final
solution," wailed erstwhile editor Paul Cockburn. "You lucky
sod, Langford, you're the only contributor to issue 31 who's
being paid," report envious (and premature) games fans. Within
hours of the sinking, ace film reviewer Colin Greenland was
scuttling aboard the rival ship WHITE DWARF (where his column
resumes in January).... CHRIS PRIEST & LISA TUTTLE have
separated -- she remains at the old address. Chris's customary
gloom was intensified by the collapse of an almost finalized
$200,000 film deal for THE GLAMOUR.... A PLAGUE OF BABIES
continues, with Leah (& Steve) Higgins and Jenny (& Dave)
Raggett in an expectant state -- likewise recidivists Rochelle
(& Alan) Dorey and Margaret (& Terry) Hill. As for Coral (&
Rob) Jackson, travel back with me in time to CHECKPOINT 98,
June/July 1979, in which Leroy Kettle wrote: "Dr Jackson and
his lovely wife Dr Mrs Dr Jackson are building an extension to
their mansion to house the expected new arrival, which they
will call Hugo." Again SF predicts the future: with a double
dose of Gernsback homage, the new outbreak is named Hugo Ralph
Jackson....
STU SHIFFMAN underwent 12 hair-raising hours of brain
surgery at the end of July: all now seems well. "He's missing
most of the hair on the back of his head, but hey, he always
likes wearing those snappy broad-brimmed hats anyway" [PNH].
In an exclusive bedside interview Stu proudly revealed that
his medical bill ("med insurance is taking care of MOST
expenses... I hope") had reached $10,075.... KNAVE editor Ian
Pemble has abandoned girlie magazines for a job in
advertising: will his successor be as eager to pay vast sums
for old Langford fanzine articles? Stay tuned.... PAUL SKELTON
begs me to tell the world he's folding his fanzine SFD ("Look,
I know it ranks, on the scale of fannish importance, about on
a par with Keith Walker discovering a typo, but --")....
AVEDON CAROL wishes to make it clear that "no version of my
name or any name I have used in the past or plan to use in the
future contains any of the following: Hansen. Mrs. Rob."....
JON COWIE complained of vile allegations about Beccon last
issue, though the rest of the Beccon committee didn't seem to
mind much.... LUCY HUNTZINGER has published (in Robert
Lichtman's nifty TRAP DOOR) details of her open-secret
marriage to Phil Palmer, and claims that in a brave attempt at
contraflow consummation, Phil will be moving to San
Francisco....
LATE RIP NOTE: THEODORE STURGEON died on 8 May aged 67;
the eulogies are long past, but it remains a deeply depressing
event. (Dan Morgan was unkeen on the widely syndicated Aldiss
tribute: "I admired Sturgeon's writing for its human yet
fantastical qualities. Pity Brian didn't see fit to dwell on
those rather than drivelling on about the poor sod's sexual
proclivities, which are completely irrelevant at this stage.
God save us from obits written by such friends!" [DM]) ....
JACK GAUGHAN, famed professional artist since the early 60s
and winner of several Hugos, died of cancer on 21 July, aged
54 [SFC].... BILL EVANS, long-time Washington fan and
bibliographer (eg. the legendary Pavlat/Evans INDEX OF SF
FANZINES) died on 24 June, aged 64 [SFC].... A skeletal hand
burst in July from the grave of the horror/fantasy fanzine
GOTHIQUE, bony fingers clutching a 20th Anniversary Issue
courtesy of the British Fantasy Society. (80p inc. P&P from
editor Stan Nicholls, Flat 2, Allison Ct, 43 Parkhill Rd,
London, NW3 2YD). Your reporter is not afraid to admit having
stuffed himself with free food at the merry exhumation party.
COMPLAINTS DEPT.: LETTERS
TERESA NIELSEN HAYDEN: "A splendidly wretched story is going
the rounds regarding doings at Pocket Books. They recently
brought out yet another Star Trek novel, called KILLING TIME
(seems to be an unlucky title), by Sondra Marshak & Myrna
Culbreath. The original MS had K&S overtones: you know,
amateur- written ST universe spinoff stories, some book-
length, ranging from suggestive-but-mushy romances [that run
heavily to Liebestod endings] to hardcore porn, all featuring
a homosexual relationship between Kirk & Spock. Bizarre stuff,
but it has a fair-sized, intensely loyal, rather secretive,
and overwhelmingly female following. Anyway -- Paramount
Studios LOATHES K&S, and when the MS was sent for approval
someone there marked all those passages for deletion. Time
passes; Pocket prints 250K copies and ships out some 100-150K
of them. KILLING TIME's been on the stands for a while now,
and even though Pocket is pulling every copy it can lay hands
on, and shredding the copies in their warehouse, it's much too
late to get them all back. Apparently, somewhere in the period
circa Mimi Panich's departure from Pocket and Karen Haas's
arrival, an unidentified and gremlinish hand went through the
MS and carefully marked `STET' next to all the passages
Paramount has asked to have deleted. The friend who told me
about this snafu read one of the objected-to scenes to me over
the phone, and while it isn't the really raunchy `He'd
wondered if IT were green, too' stuff, the tone is
unmistakable. Cognoscenti are snapping up all the still-
available copies; it's bound to become a collector's item, and
as everyone observes, it couldn't happen to a more deserving
publisher." [TNH]
TED WHITE: "Words cannot express the emotions I felt when
I discovered that Martin Morse Wooster had done it again: Made
A Few Factual Errors in his High Class Reportage....
"First, I am NOT the `editor of STARDATE'. Dave Bischoff
is STARDATE's editor; I am editorial director.
"Second, it is WHOLLY UNTRUE that `controversy has
already erupted between [me] and the publisher', and equally
false to say that the publisher `wants much more Trek
material'. I have no idea where Martin picked up these bits of
gossip, but it certainly wasn't from an informed source. The
publisher, by the way, is Dana Lombardy, who may or may not
fit Wooster's description of him as `an unreconstructed
Trekkie', but is the author of the gaming columns in ANALOG
and ASIMOV'S, and thus no stranger to sf magazines.
"STARDATE will NOT be a `Trekkie magazine' but a multi-
media sf magazine -- the first such, in fact. While STAR TREK
will have its place in the pages, so also will DR WHO, sf
role-playing gaming, comics (starting with Steve Stiles' `On
the Brightside') and straight sf. To ensure we achieve high
standards of quality, we have set up a budget which offers 10
cents a word -- making STARDATE the highest paying magazine in
the sf field (sorry about that, Terry). The appeal to me is to
reconcile all these elements in a dynamic magazine.
"I'm amused to hear that bets are being taken over our
failure. Could this be wishful thinking on Wooster's part? At
the just-past Disclave he and Darrell Schweitzer (two of my
favourite people) could be seen with their heads together
quite frequently, apparently praying for our speedy failure.
(Darrell now flinches and turns away when he sees me coming;
is he afraid I'll follow Harlan's example and punch him out
for repeatedly calling me `the worst editor in the history of
sf'? If he is, I'm afraid he overestimates himself....)
"Speaking of Disclave, the highlight (or SOMETHING of
that convention was the Meet The Pros In Their Underwear
party. An amazing sight, and not one for the squeamish. I had
never before realized how many of this country's lesser pros
were overweight men with tiny dinkies pointing aimlessly
through the stained fabric of their jockey shorts. There were
a few women in similar states of undress, but unfortunately
those who exposed the most had the least to reveal. A pathetic
party, all in all; I left at the point when Darrell Schweitzer
was stripped to his none too clean underpants. I've seen
monkeys in zoos before.
"PS: STARDATE's editorial address is: 1010 Vermont Ave
NW, Suite 910, Washington, DC 20005. Phone: 202 393-5233."
[TW]
GREG BENFORD: "I hazard a guess that the `unattributable
rumour' you cite in ANSIBLE arose from my describing my trip
to the USSR to David Pringle, and mentioning that as is usual,
the CIA came and asked me questions about it. This is a
loooong way from being an agent. It does raise the amusing
idea of the intelligence community trying to infiltrate
INTERZONE through Pringle, and finding it resembles the
Balkans in 1913....
"Actually, I heard in the USSR that Eurocon 85 was axed
because the KGB couldn't see monitoring all those people with
their weird habits...." [GB]
DAVID PRINGLE: "I wish Colin Greenland had not decided to
air INTERZONE's dirty linen in public, and I have no desire to
make a detailed response to his remarks in A43. Yes, there was
a dispute -- an argument which dragged on for several months
-- and yes, Colin has resigned from the magazine. I'd like to
correct one of his statements. `David Pringle wants complete
control of the magazine,' he says. That is not so. In fact, I
now share editorial responsibility for IZ equally with Simon
Ounsley. I am very happy with this arrangement, and confident
that it will last for a long time. Moreover, since Colin's
resignation we have `promoted' Judith Hanna from Assistant to
Associate Editor: she will be closely involved with the
magazine's day-to-day running and will have a full say, with
Simon and me, in the choice of stories." [DP]
[Simon wrote making the same points, slightly obscured by
an elaborate metaphor involving vibrators, grapes and fudge.]
JOSEPH NICHOLAS: "BALLARD SHOCK HORROR! Which famous,
Booker-nominated, GUARDIAN Fiction Prize-winner, invited to
review a book for CND's magazine SANITY, spurned the offer
with the statement that he was strongly pro-Bomb and totally
opposed to CND and all its works? None other than the author
of EMPIRE OF THE SUN, actually, whose letter now hangs on the
wall of the CND Publications Office beneath the legend
`Attention All Ballard Fans!' In the light of this, can David
Pringle still proclaim Ballard to the skies?" [JMN]
[To quote Mr Ballard in RE/SEARCH 8/9: "I want MORE
nuclear weapons! ...I want my own cruise missile at the bottom
of my garden." He should like my THE LEAKY ESTABLISHMENT.]
BRIAN ALDISS: "Last night, glamorous Central London Poly
was the scene of a meeting for many celebrities, ARTISTES, &
notorious intellectuals, as Channel 4 videoed A HISTORY OF
PSYCHIATRY. The latter was an amazing, one-man, spontaneous,
ad-libbed, free-association caper by John Sessions. Gavrilo
Princep started the 20th century, Freud had his room decorated
by a Mr Schicklgruber, etc. The whole masterminded by KEN
CAMPBELL, genius of Theatre, Mime, and N.4. Glimpsed in the
100-strong audience were singer Dotti Green, Gerry Webb, Brian
Aldiss...." [BA, 26 June]
CHARLES PLATT: "Andy Porter has quoted a large chunk of
my ANSIBLE 43 piece without permission or attribution. I
seriously think you should complain about his stealing your
news. (All he had to do was call me and get a fresh quote from
me.)." [CP]
[Semi-professional Andy, whose SF CHRONICLE ethical
standards are an example to us all, has jolly decently issued
a correction and acknowledgement in his September issue. He's
also cancelled Charles's "Gabby Snitch" column in SFC, owing
to horror at a quite funny Platt hoax in FANTASY REVIEW --
inventing an obscure, pseudonymous Stephen King porno novel to
pull collectors' legs. King's lawyer failed to see the joke,
and demanded mass grovelling: ANSIBLE has thus reluctantly
shelved its similar expose of early J.G.Ballard contributions
to the NEWS OF THE WORLD and BEANO.]
BENEDICT S.CULLUM: "I'm halfway through a subscription to
WARRIOR and was dismayed, on returning home from college, to
find I'd received no copies since Easter. I rang up Quality
and learned that the Marvel/Quality action was over; that the
writer involved (Alan Moore, I think) had reluctantly agreed
to change the name of his MARVELMAN strip; that WARRIOR was
currently being redesigned; and that the reason for this was
the return of issues 25/26 by the wholesalers.
"It seems that W.H.Smith Wholesale love WARRIOR. WHS
Retail, though, don't know where to put it, won't take it, and
leave the wholesale department to return 40,000 copies to
Quality with the message that they'll stock it, perhaps even
SELL the odd copy, provided Quality change the format. It's
not a juvenile publication and with its present design cannot
be marketed elsewhere on their shelves.
"Quality reckon they'll have the new format ready soon.
What gets me is the total control WHS seem to have over such
ventures. I remember that you, when associated with EXTRO, had
similar problems. I'd like to contact someone with a bit of
clout in the WHS organization but I've got this horrible
vision of any publication I mention being put on a blacklist
by some faceless director as a punishment for having the kind
of readership that answers back. Any ideas?" [BSC]
GEORGE HAY: "Met Karl Edward Wagner and his lady the
other day, and heard how, because he is now doing story
treatments for films, he gets limited-English-vocabulary phone
calls from Dino de Laurentiis. Thus:
"`Karl -- you know about Rambo?'
"`Yes, Dino, I know about Rambo.'
"`You know about kidnapping in Beirut?'
"`Yes, Dino, I know about kidnapping in Beirut.'
"`You know about Delta Force?' (Apparently this is some
Italian Special Task Force.)
"`Yes, Dino, I know about Delta Force.'
"`Well, Karl, I was thinking, suppose Rambo goes with
Delta Force to take out terrorists in Beirut, would make good
film, no? You want to make film outline treatment?'" [GH]
R.I.BARYCZ: "STARMAN enjoyed greatly. Not much can be
said about it as film -- the plot was swiss cheesy as usual,
the visuals impressive, the science suspect (as usual) and
even the non-science, eg. the incredibly touching episode
where the Starman brings a dead deer tied on the bonnet of a
hunter's car back to life. All together now: aaahhh. But I
recall some natural history TV programme on US National Parks
etc that allow deer hunting and I'm sorry to say that before
ye noble hunter ties his kill to his bonnet he takes his Bowie
knife and disembowels the creature to (a) reduce weight and
(b) stop his venison tainting as the vegetable matter in the
deer's guts ferments away. Very chauvinist pic, too -- he
leaves the heroine pregnant but with HIS baby entirely,
genetic inheritance and all. Well, what else did one expect
from a Starman with seven balls...." [RIB]
CHARLES STROSS: "Would the 1985 Cassandra Summer Workshop
bear any resemblance to last year's, or would the nature of
the beast be transformed by the presence of Bob Shaw? I was
disabused of this notion when Ian Watson descended on me,
looking more like Ken Livingstone than ever. Unlike his wife.
Bob proved himself genuine by virtue of his attitude to
alcohol ('I like about four cans of Special Brew as a nightcap
before I go to bed, sometimes'), relieving me of the
inevitable fear that Bernard Smith had corralled the wrong Mr
Shaw. The workshop got off to a flying start, and as before
everybody seemed to get something out of it -- mostly a lot of
abuse from the rest of us. It was revealed that Bob had the
honour of publishing the last story in IMAGINE (issue 30) and
had just completed a 120,000 MS for Gollancz, provisionally
titled INVISIBLE MOUNTAINS until he can think of something
more catchy. With regard to IMAGINE's demise, Hilary Robinson
opined that it was because the US parent company felt their
own, indifferent product THE DRAGON was being threatened by
the British zine which was outselling it in the States as well
as at home.... This workshop might even get to be a regular
annual event if everyone feels about it in six months what
they felt on leaving. Anything that hurts so much MUST be
good for you." [CS]
THE BECCON SCENARIO: MARCUS ROWLAND
Beccon feels like one of those institutions which has been
around forever (like a Burgess pork pie) -- though 1985's was
only the third, and the fourth, if it ever happens, will be
the 1987 Eastercon. I always think of Beccons as taking place
in hot sunny weather: in this year's drizzle and gloom, the
bar stayed packed throughout the weekend, rather than the
crowd spilling on to the hotel lawn....
Actual events on Friday were low-key, eg. Colin Fine's
"Cards Sharp" quiz (notable for the most incomprehensible
rules I've ever seen) and Jon Cowie's fannish talk on computer
prediction, the Club of Rome, and Thatcherite economics. It's
a law of nature that overhead projector reliability is
inversely proportional to the need for visual aids: Beccon's
broke down two minutes after the first transparency, leaving
15 acetate sheets circulating around the audience. Minutes
before the end, the committee's technical wizards cracked the
problem: the mains supply had failed!
Saturday moved towards two climaxes: the GoH speech and
the midnight fireworks display. A certain D.Langford arrived
expecting to see the SPOCK IN MANACLES stage show, a bad move
since this took place on Sunday. Richard Cowper's speech was
witty, informative, but somehow a little forgettable; the
display was the most impressive yet, accompanied by Ride of
the Valkyries (sans helicopters), the 1812 Overture and
Handel's Royal Fireworks Music. A highlight was the large
ground-level detonation whose shockwave rattled teeth and
hotel windows: reportedly a honeymoon couple had booked into
the hotel half an hour previously, and few fans could resist
the line "Did the earth move for you, darling?"
Sunday's main event was the afternoon premiere of SPOCK
IN MANACLES. [This is what Teresa meant by K&S.... DRL] Fine
performances by Pete Gilligan (Kirk), Geoff Ryman (Spock),
Laura Wheatley (Yeoman Lotta Bottle), Graham Head (McCoy AND
Scott) and Caroline Mullan (Nurse Chapel) were counterpointed
by Kim Campbell as a slightly OTT Amazon Queen, Steve Lawson
as the chief expendable security guard and shop steward, and
Brian Ameringen as the goat. Music by Ian Sorensen included
"Bestiality's Best" (to the tune of "Tie Me Kangaroo Down"). A
collection raised hundreds of pounds for Live Aid; sales of
scripts, books and tapes should bring in funds for some time.
Next morning saw survivors tearfully parting in the
lobby, and driving home through torrential rain. Only one
worry about the future of Beccon: given the steady escalation
of the fireworks displays (soon to violate SALT agreements)
and the proximity of the planned '87 venue (NEC) to Birmingham
International Airport... h'mm. [MLR]
C.O.A
ALYSON L.ABRAMOWITZ, 132 Burnetts Grove Circle, Netean,
Ontario, Canada K2J 1S9 :: BRIAN AMERINGEN, see Caroline
Mullan :: ARROW BOOKS (now "A division of Century/Hutchinson
Ltd), Brookmount House, 62-65 Chandos Place, Covent Garden,
London, WC2N 4NW :: MICHAEL ASHLEY, 5 Woodville Terrace,
Bradford, W Yorks, BD5 0JH :: WILLIAM & JANE BAINS, 146 North
Rd, Combe Down, Bath, BA2 5DL :: DAVID V.BARRETT: new address
"not for publication" :: rICH bROWN, 1808 Lamont NW,
Washington, DC 20010, USA :: PETER COHEN, 16 Greenhill Close,
Winchester, Hants :: SHAREE CARTON, 2315 Bush St (1), San
Francisco, CA 94115, USA :: OSCAR DALGLEISH, 201 Chiswick
Village, London, W4 3DG :: JOHN DALLMAN, Flat 4, 27 Terront
Rd, Tottenham, London, N.15 :: LILIAN EDWARDS, 1 Braehead Rd,
Thorntonhall, Glasgow, until 1 Oct: then Queen's College,
Cambridge :: AHRVID ENGHOLM & LOTTIE ERIKSSON, Renstiernas
Gata 29, S-116 31 Stockholm, Sweden :: ALAN FERGUSON, 52 High
St, Sawston, Cambs, CB2 4BG :: ANNE HAMILL (not Anne Warren,
please): as before :: MALCOLM HODKIN is temporarily
indeterminate. On 27 Sept: "Baidland", 19 Lade Braes Lane, St
Andrews, Fife, KY16 :: AKE JONSSON, Regementsgatan 53, S-723
45 Vasteras, Sweden (NB: Ake never actually moved, spurious
complications arising from the existence of Ake Jonsson [with
an umlaut on the O] in Uppsala.) :: BERNARD LEAK, 50 Searle
St, Cambridge, CB4 3DB :: PETE LYON, 9 Church Ave, Leeds, LS6
4JX :: LYNNE ANN MORSE, Noordwal 2, 2513 EA Den Haag,
Netherlands (also correct for Roelof Goudriaan: ignore A43
misprimp) :: CAROLINE MULLAN, 9 Graham Rd, Wealdstone, Harrow,
HA3 5RP :: ANNE PAGE, 304a Main St, High Blantyre, Glasgow,
G72 0DH :: IAN PEMBLE, 139 Andrewes House, Barbican, London,
EC2Y 8BA :: CAMILLA POMEROY, 42 Heol Gleien, Cwmtwrch-isaf,
Swansea, SA9 2TR :: DAVID POWER, 40 South Ave, Abingdon, Oxon,
OX14 1QR :: CHRIS PRIEST is heading for Pewsey, Wilts :: DAVE
& JENNY RAGGETT, 288 Ashley Down Rd, Ashley Down, Bristol, BS7
9BQ :: LEAH ZELDES SMITH, 2007 West Howard St, Evanston, IL
60202, USA :: IAN SORENSEN, see Anne Page :: NEIL THOMPSON, 37
Southwold Place, Beaconhill Green, Cramington, Northumberland
:: BOB TUCKER, 2516/H East Washington, Bloomington, IL 61701,
USA ::
MY BIT
In beer veritas. I was in the pub talking to Steve Higgins
about the theory of fanzines, an awkward subject since he
actually HAS a theory of fanzines and I'm not sure that I do.
He lashed out with the sort of cruelly penetrating shaft of
savage wit with which people are always flaying my sensitive
ego (ie. "When's the next ANSIBLE, Dave?"), and I was
interested to hear my mouth say: "I'd been thinking of
changing ANSIBLE a bit... it tends to boil down to exquisite,
crystalline condensations of COA listings and who's won what,
owing to my Duty to the Public, and I'd thought of loosening
up with some more personal stuff -- as in earlier days."
"Great," he said. "What sort of stuff?"
"Er, well, maybe I could take a tip from all those
fascinating SFWA raconteurs and write about my word
processor."
For some reason Steve went very silent and thoughtful.
Still, there are personal oddments which can't be flagged as
hot news ("ANSIBLE scoop! Langford squeezes spot!")....
For example, I mentioned SFWA up there (they DO rabbit on
about word processors). I dropped out recently owing to lack
of money -- also, because of an Interesting Contrast. I was
having a desultory fight with Arrow, whose sales department
remaindered my THE SPACE EATER without notifying either the
editorial department or, as required by contract, the author.
I'd wanted to buy up the books and flog 'em to you lot for
vast profits (I do have a few, if you're desperate) -- and
suggested that compensation for said lost profits would be in
order. Arrow said, approximately, "All right, we apologize,
now piss off." Informed of this, SFWA said, approximately,
"Sorry, we'd have to sue them to get anything and we don't do
that." The Society of Authors, however, despatched a barrage
of rude letters and in short order had extracted compensation
from an enfeebled Nick Webb (then Arrow boss -- now deposed as
a by-product of the Century takeover). No hard feelings, and
the compensation wasn't THAT huge, but it was strangely easy
to decide which writers' organization I stayed with....
Nick Webb, meanwhile, has slavishly followed me to Sphere
Books. The first copy of their paperback LEAKY ESTABLISHMENT
(a thinly disguised chunk of Langford autobiography) has just
arrived, and nearly gave me a heart attack, since under my
name it says HUGO AWARD WINNING AUTHOR. They wouldn't! They
couldn't! On closer inspection: they hadn't, but editor Colin
Murray is a mean man with the Letraset. Autographed copies
will be almost unescapable at Novacon.
Another likely Novacon publication is THE TRANSATLANTIC
HEARING AID, a revised and damn nearly posthumous one-volume
edition of my TAFF report, even now being finally pasted up by
Rob (Inca Press) Jackson. To anyone who since 1980 has
maintained unwavering faith that this monster WOULD appear, I
offer thanks and polite disbelief. Cost: around #2 plus an
uncertain amount of postage. To break up the tedium of the
prose, cartoons have been provided by fanartists who are
household names: Stu Kellogg, Alexis Hoover, Rob Heinz....
Place your order yesterday! Act without thinking!
MANUAL FOR AN ATOMIC SWEDE: AHRVID ENGHOLM
Bad days have hit the Swedish prozines, in the form of
economic troubles. NOVA SF is cutting down from bimonthly to
quarterly, and will from this autumn be published as a
paperback magazine to save production costs. (Meanwhile we
have less money and fewer pages to publish stories on: there's
a bundle of stories labelled "To be bought" and D.Langford's
is on top of it, but we have to wait a while yet.) The other
prozine, JULES VERNE MAGASINET, has cut down from 80 to 64
pages and announced a fat increase in subscription fees. (At
the same time, Ahrvid Engholm has sold his *first* story to
JVM, a short piece called "Manual for an Atomic Bomb". No
connection, we hope.) A central Swedish fanzine library is
being started by the Alvar Appeltofft Memorial Foundation,
with a view to reference and fan-historical work. The keystone
of the collection of Sam J.Lundwall's Swedish fanzine
collection (bought by the Foundation in April).... SEFF is now
open for nominations for next year's race (probably to the
British Eastercon, but nominators can vote on this too: since
SEFF has no "natural" goal each year, it's possible to have
different conventions as goals for the different
candidates).... Swedish fandom is presently stricken by a
feverish outburst of incomprehensible feuding between many top
fans; another popular occupational therapy is... hush...
secret APAs. At least half a dozen have started this year, and
every one has been revealed since there's always someone among
the handful of members who can't refrain from telling someone
else.... John- Henri Holmberg and Per Insulanders, editors of
NOVA, are planning a huge SCANCON in Stockholm next summer:
"We aim for 1000 attendees." [AE]
INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
"HOLD HORNS HIGH!" writes Brian Aldiss: "I shall expect you to
join the Aldiss Appreciation Triad...." Incipient groupies can
now rush #8/annum to Pauline Valentine, 25 Margarets Ave, Long
Eaton, Derbyshire, receiving in exchange a lapel badge ("I'm
Backing Brian"?) and such quarterly joys as "news of Brian's
activities... hopefully Questions from Members and a Brian
W.Aldiss Answer Page." Fame, at last.
UNSUITABLE: Charles Platt's new fanzine REM reveals with
deadpan glee that he took legal advice about a possible
damages suit following the Ellison Assault (A43) -- only to be
informed by a regretful attorney that, for the purposes of a
lucrative case, "Mr Ellison just isn't quite famous enough."
FANFUNDERY: declared candidates for the '86 TAFF race, UK
to Atlanta, are Judith Hanna and Simon Ounsley. TAFF '87 is
aiming (by popular US demand) for Eastercon rather than
Conspiracy: Brian Earl Brown, Allyn Cadogan and Jeanne Gomoll
have emerged from the closet, which contains at least one more
sucker.... GUFF '87 will run from Australia to Conspiracy,
aspirants so far consisting of Valma Brown. SEFF (Europe to
Swecon) was won by write-in candidate Jim Barker: JB 72 first-
place votes, Hans-Jurgen Mader 32, Steve Green 21. A late
Swedish campaign swung the result; in the absence of write-
ins, Steve would have just won. One or two bitter Midland
voices have been heard comparing this with last winter's TAFF
trauma: one can't deny that it was something of a blow for the
two candidates actually on the ballot. Interestingly, though,
the broken-down voting figures JUST meet TAFF's new "20%"
requirement (A43)....
COFF: this major unpopularity poll's voting leak (A43)
was denounced as "unreliable" by fans who asked questions like
"What about all the votes I put in for Katie Hoare?" Steve
Green and Kev Clarke are now co-administrating the concrete
overcoats: 10p/vote still, to 191 Valley Rd, Solihull, West
Midlands. Future leaks will be Guaranteed and Official, and
the uncoveted trophy itself will be presented at Novacon. In a
feeble attempt to be even more controversial, Steve writes
that "one plan to liven up Novacon 14 which might have
overshadowed even the stripper was a guest appearance by well-
known sf fan Ken Livingstone; sadly he was unable to attend."
UNIDENTIFIED FOOT-IN-MOUTH OBJECT? Our pseudoscience
expert John Grant reports that lovable sceptic Ian Ridpath
made a clot of himself in a recent radio (LBC) debate, his
savagely reasoned assault on Jenny Randles and her SCIENCE AND
THE UFOS (with Peter Warrington) being slightly deflated when
he was "shown not to have read the book". Inflamed by this and
by a Ridpath review in NEW SCIENTIST, Ms Randles is rumoured
to be contemplating legal action.... [PB/ED]
CONVENTION MENTIONS: ARTICON (4-6 Oct) is another
Hatfield Poly "Shoestringcon": #2 supp #4 att to 17 Royston
Rd, St Albans, Herts.... NOVACON 15 (1-3 Nov): fascinating
committee punch-ups were rumoured, over subjects like Who
Types The Souvenir Fiction Booklet (this year an Ace Double).
Sign up now or GoHs White & Langford will sulk. #7 to 86
Berwood Farm Rd, Wylde Green, Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham....
MEXICON 2 (7-9 Feb) has reportedly shifted to a second
Birmingham hotel (did someone mention the Angus?) after
horrified study of the Strathallan's performance at Lazlar
Lyricon. Still #9 to 24a Beech Rd, London, N11 2DA.... ALBACON
III (Easter, Glasgow) has GoH Joe Haldeman and FGoH John
Jarrold (a Special Mexican Guest).... XIICON (29-29 Sept 86,
Glasgow): GoH is Harry Harrison. #6 att until 26 Sept 85, to
"Beachfield", Calfmuir Rd, Lenzie, Glasgow, G66 3JJ.... PERTH
(the Australian one) is reportedly bidding for the 1994
Worldcon....
ASIMOV'S SF MAGAZINE is, these days, being edited by
Gardner Dozois (380 Lexington Ave, New York, NY 10017, USA).
BSFA COUP! A rumoured takeover plot was greeted with
eager yawns from everyone except the committee (whose dim
lustreless eyes glowed for the first time in years, at the
glorious thought of being thrown out). Rumoured arch-
conspirator Dave Hodson is practising a baleful stare after
the manner of old and tired Chairman Dorey, but so far tends
to overdo it....
SPINRAD BANNED AGAIN: Norman S's THE IRON DREAM is back
on the Index of "youth-threatening writings" in Germany -- no
advertising, no display, under-the-counter sales only [SOB].
Since the book's attack on fascist elements in SF/fantasy is
sound stuff, we assume the federal inspection board fears that
kids will pick up Spinrad's writing style....
DA ORGANIZATION: this Birmingham-based APA has seceded
from the Birmingham SF Group, and sprouted a "fund-raising"
paramilitary wing of water-pistol sharpshooters led by grim-
jawed hitperson Cath Easthope. Current Organization address:
c/o Eunice Pearson, 32 Digby House, Colletts Grove,
Kingshurst, Birmingham, B37 6JE. Meanwhile, vibrant FRANK'S
APA has fallen into the administrative hands of Ron Gemmell
(79 Mansfield Close, Birchwood, Warrington, WA3 6RN) after
intending administrator Maureen Porter's discovery that recent
departures -- on the order of legendary lemming swarms -- had
shrunk the membership below her Minimal Acceptable Level of
15, or 10, or 2, or whatever it was....
THE JOHN W.CAMPBELL MEMORIAL AWARD for best SF novel of
1984 went to Frederik Pohl's THE YEARS OF THE CITY (published
here by Gollancz) -- continuing the trend of giving novel
awards to books of more or less linked short stories....
ANOTHER BLOODY AWARD: Arthur C.Clarke has been persuaded
to put up a regular #1000 to fund an annual Clarke Award for
best British SF novel. Twiddly details are under discussion at
the Science Policy and SF Foundations (eg., popular vote or
Select Judging Panel? One SFF person incautiously cried, "Our
own Booker Prize at last!"). [George Hay]
MORE CLARKE: "Talking of megastars, I spoke to Arthur
Clarke on the 'phone when he was over here recently to tell us
how wonderful 2010 is and meet Charles, Di and Wogan. He's
seen the film three times now and says it gets better each
time. Can you take anything the man says seriously? Once was
quite adequate for me...." [A Cravenly Unattributable Source]
GATHERINGS: THE NEW SOUTHERN FRIENDS IN SPACE meets
"every 3rd Sunday" (?) from 15 Sept: Wellington Tavern,
Waterloo Rd, near Waterloo Station.... THE READING SF
(READING) GROUP now fails to discuss sf on the 3rd Thursday of
each month in the Fishermen's Cottage, Kennetside, 8.30pm
onward (waifs & strays should ring the Usual Numbers for
directions)....
THE A.CAROL FAREWELL-AMERICA PARTY "...was marred only by
the tendency of the attendees to periodically throw themselves
upon Avedon and sob hopelessly. The T-shirt she wore that
night, now encrusted with salt, has been forwarded to the Gary
Farber Museum of Fanhistory, where the curator will lose it. A
belated attempt to appoint a new Charismatic Leader was made;
after giving due consideration to Stu Shiffman, Ted White was
selected via mystic processes and informed of his new status.
"Who, ME?" he yelped, his eyes bugging out in a way that, with
practice (on the part of the beholders), could be considered
Charismatic. Later Ted made his first pronouncements as C.L.,
announcing the creation of a new trufannish Lodge: the fwa
Order of Magnitude. This is to contain 360 successive
hierarchical degrees, arranged in a circle to guarantee that
OM adepts arrive right back where they started from; to
prevent the Order's levels being infiltrated by frivolous-
minded conventioneers, advancement will be obtainable only
through posted on-paper activity... that is, these are mail-
order degrees...." [Teresa NH, 5-85]
LISA TUTTLE, writing up her STARBURST interview with
Colin "Lifeforce" Wilson, strangely neglected to include the
Gorran Haven Sage's main line of conversation -- dealing with
such mysteries of the occult as how attracted Mr Wilson is to
young lady interviewers in tight jeans. CW hopes to
collaborate with A.E.van Vogt on a sequel to THE SPACE
VAMPIRES, a prospect to make grown critics pull their own
heads off....
ERIC BENTCLIFFE sends a tiny newspaper clipping from,
evidently, an alternate world: "New Jersey in the early 50s.
Harlan, an accountant, becomes obsessed with catching a man
who keeps stealing his milk." Not as alarming as the headline
sent by indefatigable Dave Wood: WEST JOINS JESUS FURORE....
"BUT THIS LOOKS GOOD..." An SFC listing of October (US)
books features CONTACT by Carl Sagan. Publishers Simon &
Schuster say it's "NOT science fiction. It is an engrossing,
believable novel, rich in detail and peopled by characters
about whose lives we CARE." Yep, including the aliens.
ROBERT HALE LTD "have no intention of publishing SF/
fantasy `within the foreseeable future'", reports Charles
Stross, presumably after his 17 novels were bounced. Famous
"Venture SF" editor Rog Peyton meanwhile repudiates ANSIBLE
claims that his first two novel choices were Hale reprints:
no.1 wasn't, the publishers having merely CLAIMED Hale
paternity in hope of increasing the series' prestige. Further
rash Peyton statements (concerning how many Venture SF books
he himself has been able to finish) are, alas, unquotable....
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS #35: GREEK
contributed by Vince Clarke
rafanizou to thrust a radish up the fundament; a
punishment for adulterers in Athens.
ANSIBLE 44, 94 London Rd, Reading, Berks, RG1 5AU.
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 45, 1986: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit
of history. Addresses may have changed (the editor's postal
address hasn't, but ignore old e-mail addresses), prices and
agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 45 FEBRUARY 1986 ISSN 0265-9816
Just as a desperate hope was beginning to enter fans' eyes and
rumours of a fold had reached even the most inefficient of
newshounds (me), it's more from DAVE LANGFORD, 94 LONDON ROAD,
READING, BERKSHIRE, RG1 5AU, UK. Subscriptions: still 5 issues
for #2 sterling: cheques/money orders to ANSIBLE, Girobank
transfer to a/c 24 475 4403. Or: $3.50 to US agents Mary &
Bill Burns (23 Kensington Court, Hempstead, NY 11550); $4A to
Aussie agent Irwin Hirsh, 2/416 Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield,
Vic 3161. Sample issue: send SAE or IRC (but if reading this,
do you need a sample?). Phone: Reading (0734) 665804 and be
ready to shout. Electronic mail: no more, since I have finally
and happily said Poot to stingy Prestel. Mailing labels, as I
write, are in turmoil and doubt: credit probably goes to
Hazel. DATA PROTECTION ACT: should you be unwilling to have
your name, credit rating and intimate sexual details kept in
computer storage, please send a postcard with this standard
form of words -- "Dear Dave, kindly remove my name from the
computer and spend the rest of my ANSIBLE subscription on
beer." Art by Pete Lyon (right), D.West (within), Dan Steffan
(back); clipping via T&P Nielsen Hayden.
=============================================================
PROFESSIONAL FOULS
BSFA AWARD: the final ballot has just arrived, and has its
moments of exceeding tastefulness. Shortlisted: NOVEL
HELLICONIA WINTER (Brian Aldiss), THE ANUBIS GATES (Tim
Powers), KITEWORLD (Keith Roberts), THE WARRIOR WHO CARRIED
LIFE (Geoff Ryman), FREE LIVE FREE (Gene Wolfe); SHORT "A
Young Man's Journey to Viriconium" (M.John Harrison), "Cube
Root" (ME, whoopee), "Kitemistress" (Kite Roberts), "O Happy
Day!" (Geoff Ryman), "The People on the Precipice" (Ian
Watson) -- all from INTERZONE and its anthology; MEDIA BRAZIL,
MAD MAX II -- BEYOND THUNDERDOME, MAX HEADROOM, THE
TERMINATOR, THE TRIPODS; ARTIST Jim Burns, Peter Jones, Rodney
Matthews, Ian Miller, Tim White.
ROB HOLDSTOCK (for it was he) received ANSIBLE's award
for most memorable award acceptance speech, when at the BFS
Yule party he was given his World Fantasy Award (for MYTHAGO
WOOD) by sensuous Jo Fletcher. The World Fantasy Award, you
will recollect, is a head of H.P.Lovecraft bizarrely crafted
by Gahan Wilson. Rob regarded this for a timeless moment, and
said, approximately, "This is going to be an amazing day to
write up in my diary! Got up -- went to the pub -- had a great
time -- was given head by Jo Fletcher...."
After which Geoff Ryman's bemused reception of a similar
trophy for his "The Unconquered Country" (best novelette) had
in it I know not what of anticlimax. Other WFAs went to Barry
Hughart's BRIDGE OF BIRDS (tie with MYTHAGO WOOD), CLIVE
BARKER'S BOOKS OF BLOOD (collection), Scott Baker's "Still
Life with Scorpion" and Alan Ryan's "The Bones Wizard" (tie:
short), Edward Gorey (artist, and about time too), Chris van
Allsburg's THE MYSTERIES OF HARRIS BURDICK (wot?) and Stuart
David Schiff's WHISPERS (semipro thing). Theodore Sturgeon got
a long overdue Life Achievement trophy as the customary reward
for being dead, and Evangeline Walton had a Special Award for
her literary triumph of being World Fantasy Con guest of
honour.
LISA TUTTLE notes: "There's a new(ish) US magazine called
STARDATE (billing itself as The Multi-Media SF Magazine),
edited by David Bischoff, and though it doesn't have British
distribution, David is eager to have stories by British SF
writers. So he's asked me to act as a kind of agent/first
reader, in case the cost of US postage seems prohibitive.
Anyone wishing to sell stories to STARDATE, therefore, can
send them to me and (if I like them -- the stories, I mean,
not the writers; buying me a drink at the Tun is NOT
obligatory) I'll pass them on to David. Stories under 5,000
words preferred, although after the magazine goes monthly
(February) they will also be buying some longer stories, up to
10,000 words. No fantasy or horror -- stories must be SF,
although what KIND of SF is flexible." (1 Ortygia House, 6
Lower Rd, Harrow, Middlesex, HA2 0DA)
DOWN THE TUBES in 1985: SPACE VOYAGER and STARBURST, the
latter subsequently flogged by Marvel to an unpromising outfit
called Visual Imagination, who produced issue 88 (full of
stuff for which Marvel had wittily paid off invoices at 50%)
and subsided in a scuttle of contributors fleeing new, EVEN
LOWER word rates.... John Brosnan's film column was first to
go, being regarded by the new order as inadequately supportive
and toadying: "In my final column I ripped to shreds Chris
Priest's favourite movie, the execrable COCOON. So I'm going
to relish the thought of all those COCOON fans frothing at the
mouth and writing in to complain, only to discover that the
magazine has finished and their letters attacking me will
never see print. Heh heh." [JB].... Melbourne's famous SPACE
AGE BOOKS has had to go into liquidation: "our main American
supplier really screwed us up by not supplying all the books
we needed," says Merv Binns (see COAs)....
COLONY EARTH is a UFOlogy mag with the characteristic
stigmata of total credulity and partial literacy: famous
unpublished novelist Charles Stross bought the "pre-launch"
issue and responded with a novel-length critique which (after
a flurry of phone calls from worried publishers Bracebeck Ltd
-- anyone heard of them?) seems to have put paid to the whole
project. An example of CE's rigorous analysis: the "Here men
from Earth first set foot on the Moon" plaque is severely
criticized for its assumption that the Moon dwellers to whom
it is obviously addressed would be able to read English....
BFS OPEN NIGHT: the usual drunken fun was had on 29 Nov,
albeit with serious purpose -- raising cash for noted fantasy
author Manly Wade Wellman. Details of what happened to him
tend to have been glossed over, no doubt for excellent legal
reasons, so I'll stick to a hypothetical case based on remarks
by Jo Fletcher, thus: Should one enter hospital, comatose and
with a broken arm, and should a doubtless wholly justifiable
failure to turn one in bed lead to (in succession) bedsores,
gangrene and the amputation of both one's legs, one might be a
trifle depressed were the hospital to charge in excess of a
quarter of a million dollars for its care and attention. Back
in reality: Wellman ran out of medical insurance, forcing the
sale of his home and entire book collection. US friends
including David Drake and Karl Edward Wagner are reportedly
trying to organize something on the legal side ("could take
six years"). Meanwhile, Di Wathen of the BFS can accept
cheques, to "British Fantasy Society" with "Wellman Fund" on
the back, at 15 Stanley Rd, Morden, Surrey.
NOTHING EXCEEDS LIKE EXCESS
So what HAVE I been doing all these aeons? Embarrassed hanging
of head, shuffling of feet. In October, I and erstwhile author
Chris Priest got involved in being "Ansible Information",
peddling literary software to the gentry, gaining vast egoboo
from computer-mag reviews, getting shortlisted for British
Microcomputing Awards, and generally mortifying our sensitive
fannish souls in the temple of Mammon. Where will it all end?
Probably in court, since old habits die hard and in spare
moments I've been gleefully libelling incompetent
manufacturers and shifty dealers all over the country....
On a still less elevated literary plane, "John Grant" and
I have delivered EARTHDOOM, the ultimate disaster novel, in
which EVERY disaster happens. The awesome pattern of doom
escalates from tiny beginnings (Nick Austin of Grafton buys
the book) to the final Armageddon of a review in VECTOR. This
exclusive extract from a draft blurb (which Nick may or may
not have the sense to tear up) should give the flavour: "HAD
THE SUN GONE NOVA? Astronomers had trained their mighty
infrared telescopes upward, night after night, to unravel the
enigma. But then... IT happened!" Wait, in dread, for 1987.
THE TRANSATLANTIC HEARING AID is the collected Langford
TAFF report, lovingly produced by master craftsmen at Inca
Press (oh, all right, Rob Jackson): 74pp of photo-reduced
print enshrining cosmic truth, inner secrets of US Worldcons,
and both my popular jokes. #2.25 post free; or a mere #2 if
you collect it in person from my soiled hands.
Lastly... extremely sincere thanks to those ANSIBLE
subscribers who didn't complain about the gap between issues
occasioned by all the above. Both of you are just wonderful.
SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION: THE LETTER COLUMN
WM GIBSON: "Dear Fellow Hugo-Winner... I would like to point
out, for the benefit of my massive and utterly devoted British
following, that the version of my second novel, COUNT ZERO,
which will run in serial lumps (three) in ASIMOV'S SF, is a
special Lite version with reduced MOTHERFUCKER-count and no
graphic but intensely poetic and moving descriptions of oral
sex. "At IASFM," I was told, "you can't come in anybody's
mouth." I should also point out that these changes were made
under my supervision and with my express approval. I agreed to
go along with them, after due soul-searching, when it was
pointed out to me how urgently young people in small towns in
the US NEED fiction of this sort, and how much my new car is
going to cost.
"But with Gollancz, friends, you get it ALL!" [WG]
JEFFREY ARCHER (replying to George Hay's plea for the
Conservative Party to "enlist the interest of British youth in
space developments"): "Thank you for your recent letter
expressing your ideas for helping with unemployment in this
country, especially in the context of expanding the frontiers
of Space. I read your letter with great interest but I regret
that I do not consider myself a great expert in scientific
affairs and I think would be unable to contribute with any
knowledge to your debate...." Practised Parliament-watchers
have interpreted this to mean "Piss off."
JOSEPH NICHOLAS: "I see you misspelt globalised
hegemonisation (in one of my bits) as global hegemonization
(whatever that may be). Tut. This dreadful lack of
acquaintance with contemporary political theory...."
[LATER] "I can just about understand your objections to
`globalised hegemonisation': at first sight, it does appear to
have one too many suffixes, and is in any case rather a
mouthful both to say and to read; but to omit that crucial
suffix from the first word of the pair is to completely alter
its meaning, to transform a process into a property, and
abstraction into a reality: to de-theorize one of the crucial
(several yards of political rhetoric omitted in the interests
of sustaining your attention). Improving Marxist texts to
rectify this deficiency will follow shortly." [JMN]
This reminds me of the no longer hot news item that
Joseph was not only planning to stand as a Labour councillor
somewhere in darkest London, but had applied to become a
magistrate (JP) with summary powers of high, middle and low
justice over counter-revolutionary parking offenders
throughout the breadth of Pimlico. Attempts to publicize the
Nicholas name have already been noted in the GRAUNIAD Foot In
Mouth competition results: "Bearing in mind that competition
rules excluded Jeffrey Archer, entrant after entrant put up
LORD GOWRIE for saying his #33,000 ministerial salary was not
enough to live on in central London. The winner is Joseph
Nicholas (who lives in Pimlico in central London, but does not
give his salary) for the citation: `The noble lord
demonstrated his deep insight into and understanding of the
problems of inner city deprivation.'" [2 Jan] How well I
remember that lightning wit which once had crudzine editors
trembling from Lancaster to, er, Lancaster.
JOHN BROSNAN: "The despicable plot by Birmingham door
knob manufacturer Peter Weston to interrupt Rob Holdstock's
GoH speech at Fantasycon with [another] stripper-gram was
foiled when his henchman Leroy Kettle lost his nerve and
cancelled the stripper at the last moment.
"Weston, who wasn't at the convention on the day of the
speech, had set up the plot the previous night, phoning to
book the stripper and handing a drunken John Brosnan a cheque
for #28 to give to the stripper's minder. `I had no idea what
I was doing,' an ashen-faced Brosnan said later. `Weston and
Kettle tricked me into it. when I woke up the following
morning I was overcome with a wave of sexist guilt. I then
managed to persuade Kettle to call up and cancel the girl...'
"When Kettle, posing as Weston, rang the stripper, she
said with surprise, `But Mr Weston, I just rang your wife and
she confirmed the booking.' Kettle thought fast and told her
that his wife was at home whereas HE was at the convention and
therefore aware that the GoH, Mr Holdstock, had been taken ill
and was in no condition to be subjected to a lot of bare
female Birmingham flesh.... As for the cheque, Brosnan later
sent it to Oxfam. `Serves that running dog of a capitalist
right,' he said. `And a fitting use for money originally
intended for evil, sexist purposes.'
"Mr Weston was too busy taking over another small door
know company to comment." [JB]
MARTIN MORSE WOOSTER: "Well, CONTACT has been published.
No, I'm not reading it, even though Gloria Norris of the Book
of the Month Club says that Sagan is `a lively mind taking an
H.G. Wellesian (SIC) relish in conjecture... [his
extraterrestrials] make the standard creatures of space
literature -- the blobs and ET's and little green men with
antennae on their heads -- seem dull and simplistic.'
"Meanwhile, the WASHINGTON POST asked a certain Peter
Nicholls to review the timeless drama. `It is a rather preachy
book,' Mr Nicholls reported, overflowing with `a good many
discussions about religion in which the word "numinous" plays
a prominent role... the tone is earnest, very much that of a
youngish university lecturer talking about the state of the
world after a few but not too many drinks.' Golly, Mr
Nicholls, what about the PLOT? `The plot itself is one that
will be recognized by SF fans who like books by professors of
astronomy, for it is very similar (in the first half at least)
to a book called A FOR ANDROMEDA....'
"Back in the publicity department, the Book-of-the-Month
Club invited cosmic-minded people from around the world to ask
Sagan questions. Mr Arthur C.Clarke of Unsafe, Sri Lanka, had
all sorts of questions, but only one is worth retelling. `Why
is the hero of CONTACT... A WOMAN?' (Shock! Horror!)
"GHASTLY SENTENCE OF THE MONTH: `The peculiar DNA
complement I call my own echoed her momentary objectivity.' --
a memorable love scene from THE GALLATIN DIVERGENCE by L.Neil
Smith." [MMW]
ANTHONY BURGESS ("whose" letter accompanies a doctored
copy of a glossy freebie mag about Jaguars):
"Dear Mr Langwood,
"Greetings! Here is your voucher copy of the first issue
of our brilliant new monthly magazine, LEGEND. We hope you
will agree that it is streets ahead of other amateur
magazines, such as your own, for instance.
"LEGEND (pronounced `Leg-End') is published by the newly
formed Aldiss Appreciation Society in conjunction with Jaguar
Cars. We aim, as you see, to cater for the chief interests of
both groups, starting with a modest print of one quarter-
million copies.
"Each month we plan to bring you more fascinating
insights from the glamorous world where literature, leisure,
limousines and litigation meet. Our next issue will contain an
all- new novella by Brian Aldiss entitled HELLICONIA HARDTOP.
Be sure to look for it!"
(This particular Anthony Burgess appears to have borrowed
a well-known Oxford SF author's typewriter.)
SUE THOMASON'S MILFORD REPORT
Scant weeks after my first public appearance as a neopro at
Milfcon '85 (guests of honour John Clute, Richard Cowper,
David Garnett, Neil Gaiman, Colin Greenland, Gwyneth Jones,
Garry Kilworth, Paul Kincaid, Rachel Pollack, Alex Stewart and
Lisa Tuttle) I received my First Commission, in the form of a
grubby postcard from the Editor of This Esteemed
Scientifictional Journal. They warned me things like this
might happen after Milfcon.
"Okay, Dave," I riposted mentally, inserting a nice fresh
piece of unsullied blank vagueness into my mental typewriter.
Richard Cowper instantly manifested in his avuncular
Gravesian role of The Reader Over My Shoulder. "Well..." he
gestured expansively. "There are far too many adjectives here.
And here's a split infinitive, and you haven't accurately
imagined your typewriter which you earlier described as a word
processor. Have a glass of wine," he smiled.
"Aren't you going to tell them about the swimming pool,"
inquired Lisa Tuttle.
"Oh, you mean how I jumped in after John Clute's splendid
attempt to decapitate someone with a frisbee? That man's a
homicidal maniac manque, AND he gets up at 5.30 in the
morning..." I quipped.
"No," she expostulated. "I was thinking of the time I
went swimming, and discovered that the whole bottom of the
pool was CRAWLING with spiders. Also I think you should
mention all those walks we had down on the beach...."
"Not ALL of us," Garry Kilworth intoned, laying aside his
trombone and suspending himself horizontally from a lamp-
post. "Garnett swears he never has been down to the sea at
Milford, and he never will. It's a matter of principle."
John Clute wandered in, scowling like a bear, then
wandered out again.
"What's he doing?" gasped Kilworth.
"Oh, I've mislaid something," Clute lipblatted, wandering
in again.
"What?" Kilworth strained.
"Oh, just an entablature of salamanders performing a
myoclonic can-can*," Clute interlocuted, wandering out again.
"I'm sure it's round here somewhere...."
"What about the time I was telling them about a drug that
you snort by sticking a five-foot-long blowpipe up your
nostril, then inhaling as someone blows the drug down it from
the other end? It's supposed to make you feel as though you've
been hit on the nose by a brick, then you drip green snot all
over everything for about five minutes; then you have to do
it all over again with the other nostril," Gwyneth Jones
reminisced, obviously contemplating the tasteful additions
this effect would produce on her THIS WAS SEPPUKU t-shirt."
"Yes, and Colin Greenland whipped out his notebook and
pencil and asked if anybody knew the name of the stuff,"
laughed Paul Kincaid.
"Bet you can't make THAT into a limerick, Neil,"
challenged Alex Stewart.
"Five minutes," Neil Gaiman retorted. "I did it for LORD
OF THE RINGS, I can do it for THAT...."
"Do you want your Tarot reading now, Sue?" called Rachel
Pollack from the garden.
"Oh, my DEAR girl, I don't really think that this will do
at all," twinkled Richard Cowper. "You set yourself up as a
fantasy writer, but LOOK; this report hasn't got a map, it
hasn't got a glossary, I admit it's got some silly character-
names, but NOBODY SINGS. Have a glass of wine."
We also read and criticized a couple of stories.
APPENDIX A
words superlatively misdefined in a session of Call My Bluff
gleet lentor
APPENDIX B
superlative definition of a forgotten word in Call My Bluff
"Tasmanian god, who instead of creating the world, went
out to the corner shop for a packet of fags and was never
heard of again."
APPENDIX C
a word John Clute didn't know at Scrabble
eft
* EDITORIAL FEETNOTE. The starred phrase, from John Clute's
story, became a byword. Alleged exchange: "Isn't that rather a
far-fetched image?" "No, in chapter 2 I actually INTRODUCE an
entablature of salamanders performing (etc)...." Worst kept
secret of the week: the contemporaneous publication of THE
VOYEUR'S GUIDE TO THE MOVIES by "Tom Peep" (Futura), a heavily
veiled D*v*d G*rn*tt's guide to cinematic rude bits. "This
book tells you what you need to know.... How much bum and tit
are you going to see? And whose?"
DO YOU REMEMBER NOVACON 15?
A long time ago, you know, in a Coventry far away: it all
feels hazy now. Even the bar prices seem shifty and uncertain
-- come to think of it, they were at the time. Had the De Vere
Hotel really shrunk so much since 1977? I was a guest but
nobody wanted me to do anything before a talk scheduled 48
nail-biting hours into the con. James White (the more famous
guest) and Peggy managed to forgive a certain cretin for
parodying the Sector General stories in the GoH souvenir
fiction booklet (an Ace Double). Obligatory programme collapse
was hastened by the non-appearance of various promised
speakers such as Robert Rankin. As time oozed gently by,
appalling rumours did the rounds: surely Chris Chivers hadn't
learned only days before that he was (a) coming, and (b)
organizing the sound systems? Surely Gerald Bishop didn't
discover only at Novacon that he was supposed to be showing
films ALL Saturday night? Fans were not deterred from having
fun (apart of course from those who suffered the Langford
speech. "Too humorous" -- BRUM SF GROUP NEWSLETTER), but the
committee bared their teeth at one another, quite a lot.
Lovable Toby Roxburgh of Futura gave one of his cosy
fireside chats about the wonderful world of publishing. He
worries deeply about being embarrassingly quoted in ANSIBLE,
but only the most innocuous snippets reached my notebook: "I
feel no social responsibility in this at all... Sex does NOT
sell... Out there the public is not as stupid as we think...
If books are worthy, we don't publish them... Plagiarize, for
Pete's sake!" Strangest programme item was a "debate" chaired
by Greg Pickersgill, between macho, MCP "Venture SF" (Rog
Peyton and Rod Milner) and life-enhancing Women's Press,
perpetrators of the "SF anthology with the dreadful title"
(DESPATCHES FROM THE FRONTIERS OF THE FEMALE MIND), who may
not previously have realized they were in opposition. As an
added fillip, the committee neglected to invite any WP
representatives: the gap was plugged by Avedon Carol and
Sherry Francis, to the vast later annoyance of genuine WP
person Sarah Lefanu ("Who ARE these people? How can they speak
for us?"). Gosh.
I contented myself with having a great time except on
Sunday night, which saw me cornered at a room party by the
most boring/belligerent fan in the universe. Tact was of no
avail. Shouting "Fuck off!" was of less avail. Eventually the
remnants of the party ran for it, with Tedium Incarnate in
lumbering pursuit, emitting coherent beams of Scots ennui on
wavelengths which paralysed the forebrain. "In here!" cried
escape artist Jan Paul Smit, and we found ourselves partying
in whispers and a bathroom while pyjama-clad Larry van der
Putte, Hero of the Republic, denied everything. Later, a mass
break-out made it to the fire stairs before Nemesis ("I'm
waiting right here till you come out!") could mobilize his
flab. Only much later did I learn that this ghastly presence
had lingered in the Smit/van der Putte room until 6am,
delivering himself of maudlin death threats and painting a
grisly picture of what he'd do with a broken bottle to one
Langford. Who said Novacons are predictable?
Earlier memories of Sunday night are mercifully few.
Cap'n Probert and First Mate Eunice (plus sister Carol) were
over the side and swimming hard at first sight of enemy COFF
awards, leaving the rest of the committee glazedly watching
Novacon go down on an even keel. Nova Awards went to John
Jarrold's PREVERT (fanzine, "clear winner" over runners-up
STOMACH PUMP and NUTZ); Abi Frost as fanwriter (D.Langford and
Linda Pickersgill gnash their teeth in outer darkness); Ros
Calverley as fanartist (while Ashley Watkins and Dave Harwood
continue in obscurity). Quoth John Jarrold later: "Alun
Harries cheered me up with, `Congratulations, John. I thought
Steve Higgins should have won it....'" Did I really fill a gap
by drunkenly presenting fifty awards while inexplicably garbed
in a mortarboard and gown? Enough, enough.
Steve Green provides a sunny afterword: "The usual secret
process has taken place and Martin Tudor has duly `emerged' as
Novacon 16 chairman in much the same way Margaret Thatcher
became Tory leader: the venue is the De Vere again. Looks like
Novacon 15 will not make a loss after all -- the BSFG is
investigating the wording of its insurance policy, and Rog
appeared quite optimistic when we spoke. Novacon 14,
meanwhile, has cleared its bank account, having donated #90 to
the Head Appeal [SF for the blind], which Matt Sillars assures
me is all that's required to get the tape into production (we
did debate making that a block vote in favour of a story by
Rob Holdstock, seeing as he was our GoH, but decided that
would be unfair), plus #20 to COFF (no target nominated) and
#10 set aside to answer an appeal from the Soviet `Winds of
Time' SF group for an SF text (we're sending the Nicholls
encyclopaedia)." [SG] Sickeningly virtuous, eh wot?
CONDOM
"CAMCON [Unicon 6, Cambridge] was a very good con," says
Colin Fine in a PS, "though those staying in the college
complain that it was very cold. Considering that the entire
committee were new at it, a very creditable performance, with
no glaring hiccups, and (I thought), innovative programming.
John Christopher was a welcome addition to the ranks of the
professionals to be seen at cons -- though they were a bit
thin on the ground at Camcon, it must be admitted: Alex
Stewart is the only other oine that comes to mind. Arch-
whinger was Ken Lake, who afterwards wrote a letter to the
committee explaining why it was a rotten con, chiefly for the
cardinal sins of having members who didn't talk to him in the
corridors, and not having Brian Aldiss or Bob Shaw as members.
He seem to be happy enough to me during the con, but I must
have caught him at a moment when somebody was talking to him,
ie. me. They apparently made a profit, even after passing the
required sum on to Unicon 7...." [CF] See CONSEPT, below.
CYMRUCON, which readers will recall was cleverly
scheduled to clash with Novacon, was at the last minute put
forward to clash with Mexicon, and then shifted again to
March.... Our man in S.Wales, Mike Sherwood, gleefully
reported "there'll supposedly be a flyer out to all who've
actually sent any money; it may be the first cancellation sent
out after the publicized date of occurrence. The Central Hotel
is still [mid-October] under the impression that it's booked
up for the weekend!" [Later:] "At least 30 turned up to find
no Cymrucon. Complaints to the only man in Cardiff who'll
admit to being on the Committee... ring Cardiff 563005."
28-31 Mar: ALBACON III (Eastercon), Glasgow. GoH Joe
Haldeman, Fan GoH John Jarrold, Artist Pete Lyon. Membership
#9 to 1 March, then #12: 20 Hillington Gdns, Glasgow, G52 2PR.
10-13 July: BALLCON (Eurocon), Zagreb, Yugoslavia. $12
(US) supp, $25 att: c/o SFera, Ivanicgradska 41 A, 41000
Zagreb. No recent information. Anyone there, Krsto?
18-20 July: MYTHCON, Nottingham. GoH Marion Zimmer
Bradley. #10 to 53 Glencoe St, Hull, N Humberside, HU3 6HR.
8-10 Aug: CONSEPT (I know it's the 7th Unicon, but the
name still seems a bit odd for August): U of Surrey. #4 supp
#8 att to 9 Graham Rd, Wealdstone, Harrow, Middlesex HA3 5RP.
22-25 Aug: RUBICON, Chequers Hotel, Newbury, Berks.
Intended to fill the vacant shoes of Silicon. #5 to K.Oborn,
Bishops Cottage, Park House Lane, Reading, RG3 2AH.
Ditto: KOANCON, Warwick U... clearly a fantasy games con,
the GoHs being noted games groupies Pete Tamlyn and D*ve
L*ngf*rd. SAE to Alex Zbyslaw, 123 Hollis Rd, Stoke, Coventry.
28 Aug - 2 Sept: CONFEDERATION, 44th Worldcon, Atlanta
GA, USA. GoH Ray Bradbury, FGoH Terry Carr, "Toaster" Bob
Shaw. $25 supp $45 att to Colin Fine, 205 Coldham's Lane,
Cambridge, CB1 3HY (who is also UK agent for Holland in 1990,
below, and supposedly able to supply info on Ballcon, above).
13-14 Sept: ROCKY HORROR SHOCK TREATMENT WEEKEND (oh
god!) at Shepperton Moat House Hotel, Denton. Info: 16
Tonbridge Rd, West Molesey, Surrey, KT8 0EL.
26-29 Sept: XIICON, Glasgow. GoH Harry Harrison (who let
slip to an ANSIBLE mole that he HAD INDEED done the peculiar
alien words in WEST OF EDEN by first-drafting in English and
using the "global replace" on his word processor -- I wonder
if C.J.Cherryh, who now writes her letters in fifteen
typefaces on a laser printer of colossal ostentation, does it
this way too?). #3 supp #9 att: "Beachfield", Calfmuir Rd,
Lenzie, Glasgow, G66 3JJ.
Nov: Novacon 16, De Vere Hotel, Coventry (I think). #8 to
86 Berwood Farm Rd, Wylde Green, Sutton Coldfield, West
Midlands, B72 1AG.
13-15 Feb 1987: CONCEPTION, Leeds. A celebration of 50
years since the first-ever SF con (Leeds 1937). #6 to 12
Fearnville Terrace, Oakwood, Leeds, LS8 3DU. (This fashion for
names with the "con" at the beginning rather than the end is
snowballing. Is a limited fannish vocabulary to blame? Be nice
to see an OSTRACON, at which COFF voting would involve
scrawling committee members' names on potsherds....)
27 Aug - 2 Sept 1987: CONSPIRACY '87, 45th Worldcon,
Brighton. GoH Alfred Bester & Doris Lessing, FGoH Joyce & Ken
Slater, special fan guest me. #19.50 att to PO Box 43,
Cambridge, CB1 3JJ -- please note this IS the right address
even though several letters have ended up with the former
owners of PO Box 43 (Pye) and come back marked "unknown". This
is a genuine GPO error, British-made through and through. "Not
Our Fault," explained chairman Malcolm Edwards. "The first of
many cock-ups," clarified a passing Leroy Kettle.
1988: the World Fantasy Con comes to Britain, c/o Jo
Fletcher, Steve Jones and anyone they can draft. Jo confides:
"It was forced upon us and we accepted ungraciously."
1990: Roelof Goudriaan begs a plug for the Netherlands
Worldcon bid, now "all-Dutch" despite US beginnings (ANSIBLE,
PASSIM) and with 100+ presupporters before Eurocampaigning
began. #4 presupp. Honorary Dutchwoman Lynne Ann Morse edits
the bid newsletter HIGH TIDE, c/o Holland in 1990, PO Box
95370, 2509 CJ The Hague, Netherlands. ANSIBLE has already
been hopelessly subverted by committee "El Presidente" Kees
van Toorn's cunning ploy of buying a Langford story for his
glossy Dutch SF mag ORBIT....
THE TRANSFINITE C.O.A. LIST
Some of these are a bit musty by now, but One Has One's Duty:
ALYSON ABRAMOWITZ, 132 Burnetts Grove Circle, Nepean, Ontario,
CANADA K2J 1S9 (NB one-letter correction to the A44 typo which
enraged Alyson to the tune of many a sarcastic postcard.) ::
HENRY BALEN, 69 Castlehill Drive, Newton Mearns, Glasgow, G77
5LB :: DAVID V.BARRETT, 23 Oakfield Road, Croydon, CR0 2UD ::
SALLY BEASLEY & DAVE LUCKETT, 69 Federal St, Tuart Hill,
Western Australia 6060 :: MERV BINNS, 1 Glen Eira Rd,
Ripponlea, Victoria 3182, Australia :: LINDA BLANCHARD, 605
Ballard Road, Seagoville, TX 75159, USA :: DAVE BRIDGES, as
Linda Blanchard, it says here, following a "postal
romance".... :: KEV CLARKE, 191 Valley Rd, Solihull, W
Midlands (COFF voting address; also enquiries since "we're now
taking ads." Ads?) :: CONFEDERATION (44th Worldcon), Suite
1986, 3277 Roswell Rd, Atlanta, GA 30305, USA :: JEREMY
CRAMPTON, Dept of Geography, 302 Walker Bldg, Pennsylvania
State U, University Park, PA 16802, USA :: STEVE DAVIES, 78
Bay Rd, Bullbrook, Bracknell, Berks :: LILIAN EDWARDS, 1
Braehead Rd, Thorntonhall, Glasgow, G74 5AQ ("this address is
now PERMANENT and any other[s] totally DEFUNCT") :: DANIEL
FARR, 1750 Kalakaua Ave (403), Honolulu, Hawaii 96826, USA ::
AL FITZPATRICK, PO Box 90, Pequannock, NJ 07440, USA (Al is
remorselessly efficient about sending in COAs on Xmas cards
addressed to 22 Northumberland Avenue, which we left in 1982.)
:: JEANNE GOMOLL, Box 1443, Madison, WI 53701-1443, USA ::
ANNE HAMILL (forget the Warren, folks), 46 Woodville Rd,
Golders Green, London, NW11 9TN :: RICHARD KENNAWAY, School of
Information Systems, U of East Anglia, Norwich, NR4 7TJ ::
CHRISTINA LAKE, 1st Floor Flat, 47 Whiteladies Rd, Clifton,
Bristol, BS8 2LS :: BERNARD LEAK, 115 Histon Rd, Cambridge,
CB4 3JD :: STEVE LOCKLEY, 173 Derlwyn, Killay, Swansea, West
Glam :: SETH "Stop printing boring news about Ted White and
Avedon Carol!" McEVOY, RR3, Box 342, Ridge Rd, Sag Harbour, NY
11963, USA :: PATRICK & TERESA NIELSEN HAYDEN, 75 Fairview
(2D), New York, NY 10040, USA (another one-letter change but
an important one: former apartment 2B is now inhabited by a
mail-eating beast in human form) :: ANDIE OPPENHEIMER, 69
Clare Ct, Judd St, Bloomsbury, London, WC1H 9QR :: PAUL
PAOLINI, 186 Titwood Rd, Pollokshields, Glasgow, G41 4DD ::
CHRIS PREIST (careful now), 72 George St, Stoney Stanton,
Coventry :: DAI PRICE , Flat 2, 569 Green Lanes, Harringay,
London, N8 0RL :: CHRIS PRIEST, 78 High St, Pewsey, Wilts, SN9
7AQ :: JIMMY ROBERTSON, as Anne Hamill :: CYRIL SIMSA, 2 The
Hexagon, Fitzroy Park, London, N6 6NR :: KATE SOLOMON, a new
name in fandom, does not wish to be known as Kate Davies, nor
even Kate Chafen, OK? Her hubby, whose name I forget, still
prefers to be called Malcolm Davies. :: DAVID STRONG &
CAROLINE SAWKINS, 8 Five Acres Close, Lindford, nr Bordon,
Hants, GU35 0SJ :: PHILIPPA SUTTON (see below), 38 Fern Ave,
Jesmond, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE2 2QX :: MARTIN TUDOR, 121
Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley, West Midlands, B66 4SH :: LESLEY
WARD, F103, Mulberry Court, Mulberry Street, Liverpool 7,
Merseyside :: GLEN WARMINGER, Top Flat, 80a Waddington St,
Norwich, NR2 4JS :: ASHLEY WATKINS, Flat B, 5 Avenue Rd,
Westcliffe-on-Sea, SS0 7PN :: D.WEST, alas, was reportedly
about to leave home and family in Bingley after a Split. ::
MATT WILLIAMS, c/o 74 Grosvenor Rd, Coventry, CV1 3FZ ::
PECULIAR ACRONYMS ENDING IN FF
TAFF: the 1986 race is already open, between Simon Ounsley,
Judith Hanna and Greg Pickersgill, who appear in this not very
alphabetical order in the ballot. To vote, rank them in (some
other) order and rush either #1 to R.Hansen, 9a Greenleaf Rd,
East Ham, London, E6 1DX, or $1 to P&T Nielsen Hayden as
above. Said administrators will be glad to provide the ballot
form, now too huge for inclusion here. As the 15 May deadline
fails to loom, America trembles at the candidates' hidden
assets: will Confederation be afflicted with glands, shingles
or Joseph Nicholas? Meanwhile Eric Bentcliffe has discovered
traces of his TAFF report in god knows what antediluvian
recess: "a few near-mint copies at #6 or $10, and some few
more slightly soiled at #3/$5" (17 Riverside Crescent, Holmes
Chapel, Cheshire, CW4 7NR). And Mike Glicksohn adds his name
to the announced candidates for TAFF 1987.
GUFF is also beginning to stir into life for Conspiracy
'87, as evidenced by death threats from our dynamic Down Under
agent Irwin Hirsh ("Nominate me or I'll crumple up all those
ANSIBLEs you aren't sending"). Approximately 8 other Aussies
are rumoured in THYME to have delusions of Brighton's
desirability, including Jean Weber and Valma Brown.
DUFF (Australia to Confederation) is also under way, with
ballots featuring Sally Beasley, Terry Frost, Mark Loney &
Michelle Muysert, and (take a deep breath) Lewis Morley &
Marilyn Pride & Nick Stathopoulos. An acerbic source who
insists on being nameless notes "the UNUSUAL level of vapidity
in the candidates' platforms this year.... Will DUFF become
the Fan Fund of Cretins?"
COFF's 661 unpopularity votes raised #66.10 for TAFF &
GUFF, though "Kev Clarke the administrator did not enjoy being
threatened and manhandled by an irate ex-Novacon chairman and
COFF winner... [and] was seriously considering scrapping the
award" (Martin Tudor). Top scorers were (1) Phill Probert, 253
votes; (2) Joy Hibbert 146; (3) Naveed Khan 50; (4) The Wimps
Who Complained About Rob Holdstock's Strippogram; (=5) The
Morons Who Got Rob Holdstock A Strippogram & Dave (Andromeda)
Holmes; (7) Marty Cantor; (8) Steve Green... after which it
gets a bit crowded.
SEFF's UK administrator is now Jim Barker, whose "short
report from Swecon will appear in ANSIBLE" (oh yeah?),
according to Ahrvid Engholm, who continues: "We've decided to
have two SEFF races in a row to Britain, in order to be able
to send a SEFF candidate to Conspiracy, as well as Albacon
this Easter. Technically SEFF is open for other cons in Europe
besides the Eastercon, but nobody seems interested in anything
else but `the real thing'." Jim promises a vibrant flyer which
may well be enclosed, you lucky people, you.
OUR MAN WITH THE POPCORN: R.I.BARYCZ AGAIN
When did it become customary to refer to the Strategic Defense
Initiative (note Yankee spelling) as "Star Wars?" A long time
ago in a galaxy not too far away, but nary a peep of protest
from Lucasfilm as long as SW meant extreme severe disapproval
of such things as DEWs, railguns, smart rocks, X-ray lasers,
neutral beams.... Until the scientific/military empire struck
back with a series of TV ads in the USA in favour of DEWs,
smart rocks, railguns etc, whereupon Lucasfilm roused itself
and hit them with a writ to stop referring to the whole idea
as "Star Wars" on the grounds it was a trade mark applied to
biscuits, icecream, bedsheets, plastic figures etc and we
don't care that the TV ads present both sides of the argument
for and against DEWs, railguns, smart rocks etc, small
children could get confused. They had no luck with the judge
-- no way, he said, it is stretching the copyright and the
trademark too far.... [RIB]
INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
KING EQUALS WYNDHAM. Andy Lusis sends a LIBRARY ASSOCIATION
RECORD clipping, wherein one Chris Kearns extols A READERS'
GUIDE TO FICTION AUTHORS (Loughborough U), intended to make it
easy to find a book like the one you just read: "I first
tested the GUIDE by looking up Stephen King. The suggested
alternatives are Ray Bradbury and John Wyndham... It seemed
to me that a good alternative to King is James Herbert, so I
looked up HIS suggested alternatives. They are Ray Bradbury,
John Wyndham and Isaac Asimov! Despairing of horror, I next
turned to SF. Who would the suggested alternatives to Philip
K.Dick be? Answer: Ray Bradbury and Isaac Asimov. What about
Robert Silverberg? Isaac Asimov and Ray Bradbury. Robert
Heinlein? Asimov, Bradbury and Wyndham. The GUIDE lists
Asimov, Bradbury and sometimes Wyndham as alternatives to ALL
SF authors, from Verne to Ballard...." This vital reference
work was compiled by computer analysis of questionnaires
filled in by 600 "practising librarians", and is even more
indispensable for crime fans. "Raymond Chandler and James
Hadley Chase are good alternatives to John Dickson Carr...
P.G.Wodehouse is a rather neat substitute for Dorothy
L.Sayers." A fanzine readers' version is clearly much needed.
IDEOLOGICALLY INVERTEBRATE: John Brosnan reveals that
"Kim Newman, film reviewer for London listings mag CITY
LIMITS, described the plot of COCOON in his review as `broken-
backed'. But the ideologically sound copy-editor protested at
the term, calling it prejudiced against disabled people! `I
was described as "disablist",' said a stunned-looking Kim." Mr
Brosnan has been commissioned by the BBC to outline a film
about his speciality: giant zeppelins in Australia.
SEE GYGAX AND DIE: "TSR has called on the US Consumer
Product Safety Commission to check Dungeons & Dragons for
safety. This resulting from a 60 MINUTES investigation which
determined that about two dozen teenagers committed suicide
after having curses placed upon them in D&D games. However,
60 MINUTES did not interview any right-wing fundamentalists
seeking to have D&D banned as a Satanist plot...." [MMW]
THE GLASGOW ENIGMA: Why should anyone (anonymously) send
ANSIBLE a copy of a "Service Document (actions for payment of
money only)" relating to Charles Robert Saunders, Collector of
Taxes, Glasgow North, and his wish to extract #795.92 from
"the whole partners of the now dissolved firm of Messrs [Fake
Bob] Shaw and [Neil] Craig"? Fandom is strange.
TIBFP may or may not be the official acronym for a new
"independent British fan poll", titled with pithy wit The
Independent British Fan Poll and sporting a set of categories
weirdly reminiscent of the departed ANSIBLE poll (plus Best
LoC Writer, and Best Interior Illustration -- you have no idea
what effort it takes me not to make a joke here about Mr
Higgins's STOMACH PUMP). Organizers: Rob Hansen, Steve
Higgins, John Jarrold, Pam Wells. Ballots from any of these.
Period covered: all 1985. Deadline: 28 February.
URBAN TERRORISTS IN SUSSEX FIREBOMB ASSAULT! "CREMATED:
my 1954 Morris Minor, veteran of 7 Milfords and more than a
few conventions. Innocent victim of an arson attack. `It
wouldn't die, they had to assassinate it,' says sci-fi writer
Garnett, aged over 21, sobbing into his beer...." [David G]
BARRY BAYLEY took notoriously evil publishers Allison &
Busby to court, having previously been unable to extract any
accounts or royalties from 11 subsidiary editions (both here
and abroad) of 7 SF titles from 1976 to 1979. Judgment:
contracts all terminated, rights back to Barry, A&B to cough
up #5360 plus costs and interest. Take that, scum!
R.I.P: a depressing number of people with SF connexions
died recently. In no particular order: Italo Calvino (Sept 19
AET 61), who wrote some of my favourite fantasies and
occasioned a dismal display of US parochialism when given the
1982 World Fantasy Life Achievement Award ("How DARE he get
it, we've never heard of him," etc); Orson Welles of Martian
and much other fame (Oct 10 AET 70); Robert Graves of the SF
novel SEVEN DAYS IN NEW CRETE aka WATCH THE NORTH WIND RISE
and the, er, seminal fantasy THE WHITE GODDESS; Philip Larkin
(OK, not much connexion, but I've always wondered whether a
certain Heinlein was influenced by "If I were called in / To
construct a religion / I should make use of water"...); Yul
Brynner the berserk robot of WESTWORLD (Oct 10 AET 64);
Bernard Wolfe of LIMBO aka LIMBO 90 (1952) and two
condescending pieces in AGAIN, DANGEROUS VISIONS (Oct 31 AET
70); Taylor Caldwell, who besides her best-sellers wrote
preachy SF like YOUR SINS AND MINE (Aug 10 AET 84); Grant
Williams the INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN of film (July 28 AET
54); Walter B.Gibson, magician and pulp novelist who as
Maxwell Grant created THE SHADOW for Street & Smith in the 30s
and 40s (AET 88); L.Ron Hubbard, who needs no introduction
(Jan AET 74); and, in a sort of way, that entire Shuttle crew.
Charles Platt questions the good taste of premature obituaries
on Judy-Lynn del Rey, whose Oct 17 stroke and continuing coma
provoked LOCUS to eulogize her in the past tense and SFC (to
which thanks for some of the above dates) to cheerfully
explain, "Generally, people born as dwarfs do not live to
great age, succumbing to a variety of diseases...."
LONG BLACK GLISTENING STREAKS OF PEOPLE-EATING DEATH!
Such is the subject matter of the "really triff book"
described in a press release from Roy Kettle. "Its author is a
bright new star in the horror firmament -- SIMON IAN CHILDER.
He is absolutely no relation to the late HARRY ADAM KNIGHT
whose ashes were recently scattered over the customers in
several remainder bookshops as per his dying wish." Once HAK,
now SIC....
TRIVIAL TITBITS from Neil Gaiman: "Arthur C.Clarke
entered the `win a copy of 2010 on video' competition in VIDEO
WORLD magazine. And lost. His entry (words to the effect of
getting HAL to sing Daisy Daisy to a disco beat) was deemed
`crap' by the editorial body. (It was a photocaption comp. He
must really like that movie.) ...And on the subject of ACC, my
copy of THE SENTINEL lists him as author of ARTHUR C.CLARKE'S
WORLD OF STRANGE TOWERS... which is nearly as good as Sphere
advertising THE LEAKY ESTABLISHMENT as by David Longford." Mr
Gaiman is also good at cheering up authors with snippets like
"I was talking to XXX at Sphere about LEAKY and she said, `Oh,
we're not doing any PUBLICITY for it, so do give it a plug if
you can.'" Purest invention. I hope.
CHRIS PRIEST has just enjoyed the sensation of having his
SECOND film deal for THE GLAMOUR fall through, but (swiftly
donning his other hat as The People's Agent) has sold Wm
Gibson's COUNT ZERO to ever-perceptive Nick Austin, who for a
trifling five-figure sum secured the book for Grafton.
HEADLESS MONSTER THREATENS FANDOM! Ever since the
resignation of Chairman Dorey ("Just for a handful of nappies
he left us"), the BSFA has been having a leadership crisis,
ie. no leadership....
COURT CIRCULAR. Kev and Sue Williams write: "Michael, the
heir to the overdraft, arrived 3 Dec -- backwards --
henceforth to be known in fandom as `Wrong Way' Williams."
Philippa Grove-Stephensen has married again, instantly
acquiring "two half-grown sons" courtesy of husband Mike, and
is now Philippa Sutton (COA above). But: "Rumours of my
marriage are premature," declares Lee Smoire in response to a
suggestion in Leigh Edmonds's THE NOTIONAL that her alleged
"Help me immigrate" wall-signs at Aussiecon had been
successful....
ROBERT SILVERBERG, interviewed in THE AUSTRALIAN, said
nothing to astonish: "Very little in American SF now pleases
me -- except the sales figures. Frank Herbert or Isaac Asimov
could write something in iambic pentameter and get it
published, but otherwise the public wants the same simple-
minded escapism they see in the George Lucas movies." And in
the Majipoor books, perchance?
THIS ZINE FOR HIRE: Vince Clarke sends the beginning of
his Total Fanzine List (indexed by editor), with the complete
opus due "probably in March". All items will be madly
available on loan to the pure in heart, for the cost of
postage. Send a few stamps for a copy of the List, to 16
Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN.
AWARD ODDMENTS: At a 1985 "fourth birthday party" for
CITY LIMITS mag, tediously many awards were handed out,
including one to Adams's SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH
as best book of its year (!).... Ballard's "The Object of the
Attack" topped the INTERZONE readers' popularity poll, with
runners- up by Kilworth, Bradfield, Langford and McAuley; Jim
Burns was most popular artist, trailed by Pete Lyon and Ian
Miller. In the Nebula preliminaries, Orson Scott Card's
ENDER'S GAME remains in the lead. BRITISH FANTASY AWARDS:
NOVEL INCARNATE (Ramsey Campbell), SHORT "In the Hills, the
Cities" (Clive Blood), SMALL PRESS WHISPERS, FILM
GHOSTBUSTERS, ARTIST STEPHEN FABIAN, SPECIAL Manly Wade
Wellman.... MIKE GLYER would have it known that his FILE 770
"Hugo withdrawal" was meant to cover 1986 only -- not 1987 or
future years. "I AM a bit dubious about making the world safe
for Geis to win another Hugo, if Atlanta makes the mistake of
accepting SFR in the Best Fanzine category...." Mike also got
upset about other coverage: "After having the misfortune to
witness Malcolm Edwards's gracelessness in almost every public
forum at Aussiecon Two, when I read [Rob Hansen's] report of
his presentation of Langford's Hugo, and what he said, I was
afflicted with a world class case of sour grapes. Something to
do with his statement, `The Fanwriter Hugo has finally been
sent to its rightful home: Britain.'" Cruel words, indeed.
SERIOUS AND CONSTRUCTIVE: Patrick Nielsen Hayden is
secret SF master of TWENTIETH-CENTURY AMERICAN LITERATURE
VOLUME III (Chelsea House). "You share presence in the
Heinlein section, not only with longwinded wallies of serious
litcrit like H. Bruce Franklin, but also with Walter A.Willis,
from his in- depth character study of Mr Heinlein from
`Chicago Chicago', in that deconstructionist periodical of the
SF field HYPHEN. By contrast, I didn't use anything at all by
the Panshins -- `each sentence more exciting than the next'."[PNH]
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS
Number 36: SWAHILI
ngama [1] the hold of a vessel;
[2] the faeces passed by people (also animals)
sometimes when IN EXTREMIS, or which is forced out
when the corpse is being washed preparatory to
burial; [3] a kind of whitish clay.
This has been the very tasteful
ANSIBLE 45
94 London Rd, Reading, RG1 5AU, UK
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 46, 1986: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit
of history. Addresses may have changed (the editor's postal
address hasn't, but ignore old e-mail addresses), prices and
agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 46 JULY 1986 ISSN 0265-9816
Inexorable as an amok sloth, hard-hitting as eiderdown fluff,
fast-moving as the continental glaciation of your choice, DAVE
LANGFORD offers a further Valium-paced issue of the semi-
annual newszine about which it was once said, but not any
more. Late-breaking news (we handle no other sort) and irate
cancellations to 94 LONDON ROAD, READING, BERKSHIRE, RG1 5AU,
UK. Still 5 issues or a lifetime subscription, whichever comes
first, for #2 sterling: cheques/money orders to ANSIBLE,
Girobank transfer to account 24 475 4403. Or $3.50 to US
agents Mary & Bill Burns (23 Kensington Court, Hempstead, NY
11550); or $4A to Aussie agent Irwin (For GUFF) Hirsh, 2/416
Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield, Vic 3161. Phone: Reading (0734)
665804 -- please shout. Cartoon: Jackie Burns. Language
Lesson: deferred. Inertia (c) Isaac Newton, 1679.
=============================================================
ME
Oh, I've been fine, thanks, just a little reclusive (busy).
Exciting literary news is that Baen Books want to reprint THE
SPACE EATER, and promise that theirs will be the first edition
whose cover art doesn't seize prospective buyers by the
eyeballs and hurl them violently out of the bookshop. I can
hardly wait for February and my appearance alongside such
favourites as David Drake and Jerry Pournelle. New creative
efforts consist chiefly of outlining -- with "John Grant" --
GUTS, a horrifying reading experience ("Inside every one of us
there lurks a MONSTER!") which will make Stephen King look
like Enid Blyton, or vice-versa. Alas, my best effort LEAKY
ESTABLISHMENT has yet again been bounced by a US editor who
after lavish praise gave it the thumbs-down because the humour
was "so indiginous". Will anyone direct me to a nice American
publisher who (a) can spell indigenous; (b) doesn't mind
British books being it?
HUGE AND KNOBBLY, ETC.
There comes a time in every newszine editor's life when
burning commitment to the Whole Truth cannot entirely eclipse
the thought, "Oh God, have I got to type out sixty-three
bloody Hugo nominations AGAIN?" Not much controversy, either,
though the Confederation committee tried its best by notifying
pro but not fan nominees in advance (the latter had to find
out from newszines, and were therefore not offered the chance
of refusal, which would have tempted at least one easily
misspelled fan "when I heard who the nominees were in the Best
Fanzine category"). But who cares, really? I sense 90% of my
readership preparing to skip the following....
569 ballots cast: NOVEL BLOOD MUSIC/Bear (yay), CUCKOO'S
EGG/Cherryh, ENDER'S GAME/Card, NUKE 'EM TILL THEY GLOW, THEN
SHOOT 'EM IN THE DARK/Niven+Pournelle, THE POSTMAN/Brin.
NOVELLA "Green Mars"/K.S.Robinson, "The Only Neat Thing To
Do"/ Tiptree, "Sailing to Byzantium"/Silverberg, "The
Scapegoat"/ Cherryh, "24 Views of Mt Fuji, by
Hokusai"/Zelazny. NOVELETTE "Dogfight"/Swanwick+Gibson, "The
Fringe"/Card, "A Gift from the Graylanders"/Bishop, "Paladin
of the Lost Hour"/Ellison, "Portraits of His
Children"/G.R.R.Martin. SHORT "Dinner in Audoghast"/Sterling,
"Fermi and Frost"/Pohl, "Flying Saucer Rock and Roll"/Waldrop,
"Hong's Bluff"/Wu, "Snow"/Crowley. NONFICTION BENCHMARKS:
GALAXY BOOKSHELF/Budrys, AN EDGE IN MY VOICE/Ellison, FACES OF
FEAR/Winter, THE JOHN W.CAMPBELL LETTERS,
VOL.1/Chapdelaine+Hay (ed), THE PALE SHADOW OF SCIENCE/Aldiss
(nice one, Serconia Press), SCIENCE MADE STUPID/Weller.
DRAMATIC BACK TO THE FUTURE, BRAZIL, COCOON, ENEMY MINE,
LADYHAWKE. PRO EDITOR Terry Carr, Judy-Lynn del Rey, Edward
L.Ferman, Shawna McCarthy, Stanley Schmidt. PRO ARTIST Kelly
Freas, Don Maitz, Rowena Morrill, Barclay Shaw, Michael
Whelan. FANARTIST Brad Foster, Steve Fox, Joan Hanke- Woods,
William Rotsler, Stu Shiffman. SEMIPROZINE FANTASY REVIEW,
INTERZONE (yay), LOCUS, SF CHRONICLE, SF REVIEW. FANZINE
ANVIL, GREATER COLUMBIA FANTASY COSTUMERS' GUILD NEWSLETTER
(yeah, words fail me too), HOLIER THAN THOU, LAN'S LANTERN,
UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR. FANWRITER Don D'Ammassa, Dick Geis, Mike
Glyer, Arthur Hlavaty, me, Patrick Neilsen-Hayden (SIC). JWC
MEMORIAL (non-Hugo) Karen Joy Fowler, Guy Gavriel Kay, Carl
Sagan, Melissa Scott, Tad Williams, David Zindell.
Wouldn't you much rather hear about the Nebulas? No, I
thought not, but for the record: NOVEL ENDER'S GAME/Card,
NOVELLA "Sailing to Byzantium"/Silverberg, NOVELETTE
"Portraits
of His Children"/Martin, SHORT "Out of All Them Bright
Stars"/Kress, GRAND MASTER LONGEVITY AWARD A.C.Clarke. "Oh
God," said an unnameable SFWA source, "we all put in
nominations for Card out of er politeness because he was
tallying the preliminary ballots, but we never expected...."
The best associated fun came from Norman Spinrad's
unbelievable full-page paid ad in SFWA BULLETIN, headed "A
Matter of Literary Principle & Personal Pique". This loftily
begins "WHEREAS science fiction has come under increasing
attack from the mainstream critical establishment at a time
when many of us are seeking to establish its bona fides as
seriously-intended literary art --" After a few more whereases
we come to the meat: "I therefore hereby withdraw my future
work for consideration for the Nebula Award.... To those who
surmise that I am doing this out of personal pique at having
not received a Nebula nomination for CHILD OF FORTUNE, I
freely admit that this was a consideration. That such a work
failed to be nominated proves, if nothing else, that the
literary standards of the SFWA as a whole have diverged so far
from my own that to accept a future Nebula would, for me, be
an act of cynical hypocrisy."
Further Spinrad announcements, we are unreliably
informed, will similarly shame and refute the inadequate
standards of the Pulitzer and Nobel prizes.
Back in Britain, I report a mindboggling coincidence. An
official announcement at last arrived, confirming the long-
rumoured Arthur C.Clarke SF Award (#1000 for the best UK-SF
novel of the preceding calendar year, first presentation next
Easter). In the VERY SAME POST came a review copy of the
hardback THE SONGS OF DISTANT EARTH by Arthur C.Clarke! The
"Arthur", promoted by energetic George Hay, is to be run by
the BSFA, SF Foundation and for no apparent reason the
International Science Policy Foundation, who will jointly
prepare a shortlist of Approved Nominees. Noises have been
made about the existing BSFA Awards fading away after 1987 in
the face of this lucrative competition. One intermittently
successful purpose of the BSFA Award was to publicize the name
"BSFA". I couldn't get to Albacon to ask how much useful
publicity the BSFA thinks it will gain from the new award's
name....
Interest declared: 1986 BSFA awards went to Brian
Aldiss's HELLICONIA WINTER, my own INTERZONE short "Cube
Root", BRAZIL (media) and Jim Burns (best drunken artist).
As for fan awards, the Independent British Poll was
nearly as ill-supported as ANSIBLE's last. STILL LIFE and
STOMACH PUMP tied for Best UK Fanzine, while Simon Ounsley's
mythopoeic Novacon 14 report (TNH) was deservedly Best
Article.
LETTERS AND THINGS
IAN WATSON has been succouring his fellow men: "We entertained
a tramp to tea, though he would only come in out of the sub-
zero after we papered the carpet with copies of TRIBUNE.
Perhaps he was reluctant to yield to our genteel persuasions
since he was aware that warmth brought out The Smell (back to
horror fiction). This smell was interesting because it
migrated around the house for untold hours in the form of
discrete mobile pockets, like solid invisible balloons, which
you as a physicist will recognize as quanta of smell.
Discretion stopped us from asking the obvious question: `Were
you once a science fiction writer?'" [IW]
MARISE MORLAND-CHAPMAN is outraged: "The short story
`Tangents' by Greg Bear in OMNI [Feb or March] is a direct
pinch from Hal Clement's short story `Star, Bright' published
circa 1968. I'm sure you've read it so I won't document a list
of parallels -- believe me, they're THERE. Assuming that Bear
& Clement haven't done some sort of a deal, I think this sort
of thing's very unfair...." [MMC] Haven't read either, but
these arguments tend to be fruitless. (Unconscious imitation?
Independent creation? Who fished the murex up? What porridge
had John Keats?) Let's see who, if anybody, sues....
MARTIN MORSE WOOSTER has his finger on the pulse of
something or other: "I've just returned from Corflu. It was
full of appalling spectacle, such as the grisly bidding scene
where the `clean' Langford stack, full of character-building
issues of EXTRO and the OMNI BOOK OF THE FUTURE, went for a
paltry $10, while the `dirty' Langford stack -- two issues of
KNAVE, full of lewd women wearing what mid-Atlantic fan Ms A.
Carol explained were `not garter belts, but SUSPENDER belts'
-- fetched a full $15.... The JOHN W.CAMPBELL LETTERS have
just been published. Perhaps the most curious is one of March
4, 1959 to Heinlein's agent rejecting STARSHIP TROOPERS. `You
could produce a profound anti-Nazi feeling in the readers by
telling a story 100% from the viewpoint of a dedicated,
fervent Nazi. I hear Bob [Heinlein]'s going to induce
considerable anti-patriotism in a lot of readers by telling a
story from the viewpoint of a 100% dedicated patriot.' Don't
tell Joseph Nicholas.... R.I.Barycz goofed in his description
of the Lucasfilm suit. High Frontier, a militarization-of-
space lobby affiliated with Baen Books, Heinlein, and Jerry
Pournelle, produced ONE commercial, a child's drawing that
showed evil Soviet missiles melting like antacids against the
firm protection of the, er, `Peace Shield'. Lucasfilm's suit
was thrown out of court, so anyone can call satellite systems
`Star Wars' or whatever." [MMW]
D.M.SHERWOOD was at Albacon: "The meeting for a possible
constitution for Eastercons has been referred to a
subcommittee; such scraps as I caught suggest that Talmudic
exegesis lives (there seems no facing of the question of how
enforcement would work; apparently we're all supposed to write
to LOCUS and say what naughty boys & girls people have been).
The big Bob (fake) Shaw confrontation scene at the
registration desk was defused by a brilliant ploy -- they let
him in. Hyper-brilliant counterploy on his part: he did fuck-
all, just sat in the bar and conducted a genial court-in-exile
(except he wasn't in exile...). Innovative question session by
GoH Joe Haldeman -- his wife wrote the questions." [DMS]
(I had some outraged prior correspondence copied to me by
"Harrogeightyseven" person Andrew R.Bennett [some relation],
with Albacon diplomatically writing "Nyahh nyahh, we're not
letting Shaw into the con except maybe for the bidding
session, so there," and the putative Eastercon bid replying
with equal mature dignity, "Yah boo sucks, we're cancelling
our bid and our memberships then.")
FGoH JOHN JARROLD was there too: "I had a great time. Met
Joe & Gay Haldeman on Thursday lunchtime in the bar (where
else?) after a boozy trip up overnight, drinking beer with
some Scottish sailors. Didn't go to bed on Friday or Saturday
but eventually gave up the ghost around 7am Monday morning.
Sang every night in the bar (aren't you glad you weren't
there?) with the Haldemans, Toby Roxburgh, Neil Gaiman and
other worthies. My throat is just recovering. Major surprise
of the con was being asked for an autograph: this was after
reading a Harlan Ellison story during a horror reading that
also included Clive Barker and Ramsey Campbell. A young fan
came up to me in the bar with a copy of the Books of Blood and
asked me to sign it. I didn't believe he was serious, so I
questioned him closely, but he really meant it. Talk about a
sense of wonder. I haven't mentioned this to Clive yet. I
will, during some quiet moment, when there are several yards
and a sturdy door between us." [JJ]
DAVE WOOD sends bizarre local headlines (NEW RIDDLE AS
BODY IS FOUND/LAKE: WAS IT MURDER?/NICHOLAS FIRES THE GUNS)
and another Magical Albacon Moment: "...the story of Greg P.
being found snoring behind a locked toilet door up in Glasgow.
He was identified by Mal Ashworth crawling on his hands and
knees across the toilet floor and peering under the door. `I
realized it was Pickersgill when I saw the glasses on the
floor,' he told me. Sad that the only way to recognize a
trouserless P. is by his bi-focals...." [DW] Prospective
Confederation members please note.
LISA TUTTLE pleads: "No more STARDATE submissions from
anybody, please. Sigh." All is about to be explained:
LETTER FROM AMERICA: STEVE BROWN
STARDATE has achieved extinction. It is a long and depressing
story. In the proverbial nutshell, our financier was a black
sheep member of the DuPont family. He was born to the purple,
and spent his life as a giddy wastrel. We have been calling
him Arthur, after the Dudley Moore character. Arthur owns a
$400 million trust fund, which his family won't allow him to
touch because he is such a flake. He is allowed by the family
to eke out an existence on the interest from the fund -- $57
million ANNUALLY.
Now I don't think that you or I would have much trouble
making ends meet on $57 million per year, but it is indicative
of Arthur's financial acumen that he was continually running
short and had to borrow on the forthcoming year's interest.
Arthur loves to play with businesses. He owns hundreds of
small businesses in a bewilderingly interlocked rat's nest of
finances, yet his entire accounting dept. consists of one
little old lady without a computer.
Arthur was certainly sincere about STARDATE, and we did
spend about half a million of his dollars, but the experience
of prying more loose from him became so byzantine that it
killed us. Arthur never could understand that other people
needed money on a regular basis, to fill the refrigerator, pay
the rent, and other wastrel expenses. To Arthur, money is
like air. It is always there, and if you need some, you just
reach out and grab it. We came to a point where our phones
were going to be shut off, the office staff worked for six
weeks without pay, etc., while Arthur was taking an extended
cruise of Antigua.
So, we had to die. We tried for a quick sale, but what
passed for Arthur's people were incapable of getting the
paperwork in order to allow a sale. It is possible that we may
resurface by the end of the year, under a different name. Now
that we have four issues to show investors, things look
possible. Dana, our energetic publisher, is shuttling from
coast to coast right now trying to interest investors. But
I'll believe it when I see it.
For your troubles, I enclose a copy of the final issue.
This may become a valuable collector's item someday, if only
because of the Gibson story. The magazine was an infuriating
mix of the ridiculous and the sublime, due to Arthur's
indiscriminate contract signing before he found us. All that
gaming stuff and the low-grade media material was contracted
for, down to the very name of the magazine, which is a word
copyrighted by Paramount Pictures (it is a Star Trek word). We
had hoped that the quality of fiction would offset the erosion
of credibility that sixteen pages of deadly dull gaming
material would foster.
If you see Lisa Tuttle (STARDATE's Person in the UK)
wandering the streets of Soho, keening softly to herself,
please comfort her. She was doing a great job, and had just
sent us a truly brilliant Dave Garnett story that I would have
killed to be allowed to publish. Now she, too, must make many
embarrassing phone calls. As our office person, Heather, said
when it had become apparent that STARDATE was no longer
viable: "Brown, do you realize that we have to contact over
3,000 people, from artists and writers to distributors,
printers, store owners, advertisers, etc. and depressingly
etc?."
Sic Transit Gloria Fictum.
...Your definition of that problematic word "cyberpunk"
is the best one I've seen yet. "Praised in CHEAP TRUTH and
agented by Chris Priest," indeed. Not to blow my own horn too
much, I'm in a better position to comment on this movement
than most anybody. More by coincidence than anything, I know
all the writers grouped under that label personally. Bruce
Sterling and I have been corresponding for ten years, I met
and befriended Gibson before he ever wrote a word of fiction,
and I am guilty of having known John Shirley for 15 years, and
even sharing a house with him in the early 70s. Thus, I've
known from the beginning just what an inaccurate label
"cyberpunk" is. Shirley is certainly punky enough, but he
hasn't a cybernetic chip in his body. Bruce is cybernetic as
hell, but is a comfortable family man who writes superb, but
"traditional", hard SF. Rudy Rucker is neither cybernetic not
punky, but he is a friend of Bill, Bruce and John, and shares
some attitudes. His own fiction is kind of cartoonlike, and
about as cybernetic as Bugs Bunny. That leaves Bill, who does
fit the definition, but more or less stands alone, except for
the emerging crop of imitators. Gardner Dozois coined That
Term in the WASHINGTON POST a year ago, and like all labels it
drastically simplified and pigeonholed a group of quite
disparate writers whose main connection with each other is
mutual friendship and the odd collaboration. Lord release us
from the artistic bonds placed about our thighs by critics
hunting for a quick and easy phrase! [SB]
"A TRIUMPH OF STYLE OVER CONTENT"
...thus Greg Pickersgill's heart-warming TAFF victory
statement. 249 votes were cast: J.Hanna 61, S.Ounsley 84, GP
98, Hold Over Funds and write-ins 6, leading to eliminations
and a second ballot with SO 114, GP 125, HOF 7. Greg therefore
gets a chance to demonstrate how TAFF delegates should
properly comport themselves (see my trip report, page 27),
while the Pickersgill manse (7a Lawrence Rd, S.Ealing, London,
W5 4XJ) becomes the throbbing centre of UK TAFF activity and
fund-raising for the next two years....
(Speaking of the trip report, still available from this
address at a trifling #2.25 post free, I note with vast
gratitude and deep smugness that TAFF got $500 from the LA-Con
coffers and $50 from Massachusetts Convention Fandom Inc as a
reward for actually getting a report into print. Preen.)
Meanwhile, the declared 1987 TAFF candidates (Bill
Bowers, Brian Earl Brown, Mike Glicksohn, Jeanne Gomoll) HAD
been mostly sold on attending the '87 Eastercon as being more
typical of UK fandom than a tacky old Worldcon. This
determination wavered "in view of the way that Eastercon and
the British Worldcon later in the year are respectively
shaping up" (P. Nielsen Hayden, TAFFLUVIA 6), and all four now
wish to attend Conspiracy. Because the latter looks so
wonderful, or because of wicked rumours about Beccon's fan
programme? Can there be a connection with Steve Green's and
Kev Clarke's withdrawal of their offer to run silly Eastercon
games? My current low profile precludes me from knowing the
answers.
Finally, 1976 NA-to-UK TAFF delegate Roy Tackett still
has a soft spot for us, as evidenced in ANVIL 40: "There is,
somehow, something attractive about the thought of sitting
back and watching the English get nuked."
=============================================================
The ANSIBLE Educational Supplement presents:
THE WELL-TEMPERED PLOT DEVICE by NICK LOWE
=============================================================
Perhaps once in a generation, the science of criticism is
shaken by a conceptual breakthrough so revolutionary that the
literary establishment can only dismiss it as deluded
quackery. Such a breakthrough is described in these pages. If
I draw comparisons with Darwin, Einstein, Lysenko, the
sceptical reader may smile. Yet they laughed at Leavis; they
creased themselves pink at Edmund Wilson; they barfed up gobs
of lung tissue at Derrida's OF GRAMMATOLOGY. To all such
shallow-minded so-called "scientists" I say: go ahead and
hoot! The High Speed Train of progress makes no unscheduled
stops to pick up late travellers, nor can it be tilted in its
tracks.
The failure of the old paradigm is simple. There's a
curious bias in the vernacular of critical discussion towards
the qualities that make a book GOOD. Most of the language
traditionally used to describe a book's achievement has to do
with its positive qualities: the plot, characterization,
style, ideas, significance. Moreover, it's a bias that carries
over into all those gruesome handbooks on How To Write Totally
Brilliant Novels and Win Big Cash Literary Prizes. The reason
nobody's yet become a big time novelist by reading up on Diane
Doubtfire is just that all the advice in such booklets is
directed towards getting you to write a book full of plot,
characterization, style, ideas, significance. in short, a GOOD
book.
Now, it strikes me that this is completely misconceived.
You've only got to look around you to realize that most books
that get published are NOT good. This simple point makes a
nonsense of conventional criticism, which lacks any sort of
vocabulary to discuss badness in any meaningful way. And yet
badness is the dominant quality of contemporary literature,
and certainly of SF. All orthodox criticism can say of a truly
awful book is that the characterization is terrible, or the
use of the English language makes your bowels move of
themselves. It fails completely to grasp that bad writing is
governed by subtle rules and conventions of its own, every bit
as difficult to learn and taxing to apply as those that shape
good writing. But do you ever find workshops offering
instruction in how to write the sort of really atrocious
garbage that leers at you from every railway bookstall?
Already you can begin to understand why my theories are
scoffed at by the neanderthal proponents of orthodox so-
called "criticism". History will judge who has the final
chuckle. In the following pages I will reveal:
-- a whole new language of criticism
-- the secret of success in science fiction writing
-- and a revolutionary new technique of interpretation
that will grant you instant and total understanding of STAR
WARS, THE LORD OF THE RINGS, THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE
GALAXY, and many far less reputable works.
And while I'm about it I'll propose a new definition of
magic, account for the existence of Lionel Fanthorpe, and show
you a way to derive pleasure from Stephen Donaldson books.
(Needless to say, it doesn't involve reading them. BUT neither
does it involve burying them under six foot of badger manure
and napalming the lot, which you might think the obvious
answer.)
In principle, these secrets can be exploited by anyone;
but you may be interested before we start in testing your
native aptitude through a couple of simple and deceptively
irrelevant exercises.
1. COMPLETE THE POEM. Leonard Nimoy, currently* directing
his own resurrection in STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK,
is the author of two books of poems rightly considered too hot
for bookshops to handle. They're distributed solely through
Athena poster shops, in the same series of icky little volumes
with tinted pages and silhouettes of weeds that has given the
world the if anything even more deathless works of the
legendary Susan Polis Schutz, the Colorado Sappho. (You must
know the stuff: "Our relationship / is beautiful / because /
it is ours / because / it relates / to us.")
All you have to do is read through the following
(genuine) sample poem, and then use your skill and judgement
to supply the missing lines from the ones that follow. (These
include about 80% of the text of Nimoy's second book of poems,
which by a novel inspiration consists almost entirely of
excerpts from the first.) Then turn to the end of the article
to find out how you scored. First, the specimen:
"Rocket ships / Are exciting / But so are roses / On a
birthday
"Computers are exciting / But so is a sunset
"And logic / Will never replace / Love
"Sometimes I wonder / Where I belong / In the future / Or
/ In the past
"I guess I'm just / An old-fashioned / Space-man."
And now it's over to you:
(i) I love you not for what I want you to be... (2 points
for the missing line.)
(ii) I loved you then for what you were... (3 points.)
(iii) I do not miss you when you are away... (3 points)
(iv) My love for you is not a gift to you... (1 point.)
-- and the hardest one: here you have two lines to guess of a
three-line poem.
(v) I am me... (2+4 points.)
2. CLENCH RACING. This is a social and competitive sport,
that can be played over and over with renewed pleasure.
Playing equipment currently on the market restricts the number
of players to six, but the manufacturers may yet issue the
series of proposed supplements to raise the maximum
eventually to nine.
The rules are simple. Each player takes a different
volume of THE CHRONICLES OF THOMAS COVENANT, and at the word
"go" all open their books at random and start leafing through,
scanning the pages. The winner is the first player to find the
word "clench". It's a fast, exciting game -- sixty seconds is
unusually drawn-out -- and can be varied, if players get too
good, with other favourite Donaldson words like wince, flinch,
gag, rasp, exigency, mendacity, articulate, macerate, mien,
limn, vertigo, cynosure.... It's a great way to get thrown out
of bookshops. Good racing!
Let me explain the tenuous relevance of these modest
exercises to my main subject. Here we have two of the most
accomplished of contemporary bad writers inadvertently showing
off one of the most valued qualities in their art. I refer, of
course, to PREDICTABILITY. Donaldson's use of language is so
repetitive and his characterization so limited to a few clumsy
responses that he finds himself coming back again and again to
the same beloved words, to the extent that you can predict
their occurrence reliably enough to be able to leaf through
and be sure of finding one almost immediately. Nimoy is even
more adept in this esoteric art: his banal thought falls so
naturally into cliches that you can predict whole lines at a
time.
You think I'm jesting when I speak of an Art of the
Predictable, but if you think about it it IS an art. The
grammar of cliche is a language all of its own that's never
had the study it deserves. How is it that we learn to spot the
ending in advance? how do we KNOW when a particular creaky old
line is about to get trotted out? how do we come to anticipate
the obvious platitudinous moral the story's setting up? In the
same way as we learn a language, by exposure to so many
examples of usage that our brains construct, unknown to our
conscious minds, an internal grammar of how they're used in
practice. After you've seen enough 50s SF films on the box,
you come to EXPECT the professor's Faustian dabblings to
destroy him in the end, while the young journalist hero clasps
the daughter as they gaze on the smouldering wreckage of the
laboratory. ("Oh Rick, it's -- horrible...." -- "It's all
right, Jean, it's over now. The nightmare is over forever.")
And this is what I mean when I say there are rules
governing bad writing that you simply have to learn if you're
to become a successful manufacturer of exploitation fiction.
Perhaps I ought to clarify what I mean by that last category
as applied to SF: I'm thinking principally of escapist
adventure stories with no particular pretensions to engage the
higher cortical functions and consisting chiefly of well-worn
ideas and storytelling techniques recycled more or less
formulaically. But in a way that's the least interesting
quarter of the field under survey, because you'll find in
practice that the techniques of shoddy fiction have permeated
SF to such an extent that you can observe these same rules in
operation even in some jolly good books, and many more with
pretensions to being jolly good. I'll be drawing illustrations
from all these categories, but obviously it's the last one
that intrigues me most. Predictability, you see, even though
we use the term disparagingly, has become in recent years a
very bankable commodity in SF and fantasy publishing. The
publishers know the public knows what it wants: it wants more
of the same. Safe books. No surprises. Familiar surroundings
from page one. And this means that even writers with
considerable literary pretensions have had to learn the Art of
the Predictable as part of the basic equipment of their trade.
In Gene Wolfe, who is rather a subtle writer, this only
results in the occasional irritating embarrassment; in Stephen
Donaldson, who is about as subtle as a lead brick, it results
in contemptible gaseous claptrap. Examples follow in due
course.
Well, by this stage, you're probably bouncing up and down
in your seat with barely-continent excitement, thinking, "Wow,
am I really going to learn to write like STEPHEN DONALDSON?" I
have to let you down as gently as I can and say no, it's not
quite as easy as that. You have to remember that Mr
Donaldson's spent years learning to produce a book so
flatulent you have to be careful not to squeeze it in a public
place. All I can do in the time available is to offer
instruction on the first and most important element of crummy
writing, which is (as my title suggests) bad plotting. I can't
promise that by the time you've read these pages you'll have
learned to write significantly more stereotyped characters, or
that your style will have become significantly more leaden and
cliched. But I do promise that you'll be fully conversant with
the many varieties of plot device, their use and function, and
you'll be able to recognize and admire their handling in the
works of the masters: Lionel Fanthorpe, A.E. van Vogt, and
the early sword-and-sorcery novels of Michael Moorcock, to
name only some of the virtuosi of the plot device I haven't
space to mention in what follows.
I choose plotting as the focus of my discussion for two
compelling reasons. One is that it's been a persistently
underrated art in all kinds of narrative all down the ages,
and has rarely come in for any kind of analysis. I think the
last person to say anything respectable about the art of
plotting was Aristotle, who besides some famous remarks about
beginning-middle-and-end laid down a few elementary precepts
like events in the story having to follow in a relationship of
internal logic, and having to appear to arise out of the
interactions between characters rather than being obviously
imposed from above by an author. Otherwise, nobody's ever
tried to explain how to plot tightly or elegantly, and the
whole skill of it's tended to be treated as a rather low form
of creative activity, more appropriate to Feydeau farces and
TV sitcoms than to high narrative art.
There's a reason for this, I think. Up until very
recently, really elaborate plotting has only been possible in
comedy, where you don't mind being reminded of the existence
of an author by the absurd artificiality of the structure of
events. Real life isn't, on the whole, especially well
plotted, and as soon as the good plotting in a story begins to
get obtrusive we lose that essential impression of a purely
internal logic governing the progress of events within the
story. It's only in the last few decades that serious fiction
has begun to make serious reference to its own fictitiousness,
which is how novels like THE AFFIRMATION, LITTLE BIG, or IF ON
A WINTER'S NIGHT A TRAVELLER can come into being. Even so,
you'll find that most of the highly plotted, highly self-
conscious novels within and without the genre tend to be funny
-- as the various works of John Barth, William Gaddis, and
John Sladek. It's significant that Sladek finds himself so
attracted to the detective genre, about the only non-comic
non-artsy-fartsy fictional tradition that still makes play
with the reader's awareness of the plot as something basically
artificial.
The other reason I've chosen plotting to talk about is
that it's the ideal topic to illustrate my point about rules
of bad writing; because, while it's comparatively difficult to
formulate any very definite procedure for constructing a good
plot, I hope to be able to show that there are all sorts of
little rules you can follow to give you an easy, step-by-step
recipe for a really creaky one.
This is the point to introduce you to the manual. In my
experience, the book that has most to teach about the mistakes
to avoid in good fantasy writing, and by that token the one
that can tell you most about the rules of hacking, is itself a
work of fiction. It's not one that's likely to be familiar to
all, and I'd like to take this chance to bring it to notice;
because while there may be other books I don't know about that
could serve equally well, this is the one I've found to stand
head and shoulders above all comparable handbooks of
instruction.
It's Lin Carter's novel THE BLACK STAR. For all I know,
every other Lin Carter book may be exactly the same. I don't
know; this is the only one I've ever finished. But I've read
it more times than I can say, because practically any point
you could wish to make about techniques of hackwork can be
illustrated from the pages of this remarkable novel, to which
I'll be making quite a lot of reference in what follows. It's
hard to give any idea of the flavour of this astonishing text
from just a few short citations, but here by way of
introduction are four passages about the same character from
different parts of the book.
Niane fled down the jungle path on frantic, stumbling
feet. Her gown was torn. Her slim white legs were
scratched and bleeding. She panted for breath, young
breasts heaving and straining against the fabric of her
gown....
He hastened to untie the girl. She was in a sorry
state; most of her clothing had been torn from her,
although she did not seem to have suffered any injury
save the insulting touch of cold, sly hands....
"Tush, girl!" the old fellow said, blushing a little
at the warmth of her words and averting his keen old eyes
reluctantly from the generous glimpses of her maiden
flesh rendered visible by the sorry condition of her
gown....
In the crude intimacy of the cell they had shared,
the temptation to touch her, to allow a comforting,
soothing hand to venture an overt caress, to permit his
eyes to taste the soft slenderness of her body so
artlessly revealed through the sorry condition of her
garments, had often been well nigh irresistible. Where
another man would have yielded, perhaps reluctantly, to
his need -- which she as well felt -- he but stiffened
and grew colder, wrenching his thoughts aside from this
insidious channel with distaste....
Unfortunately, I'm limited to discussing the plot. The
storyline of THE BLACK STAR is simple enough -- one might say,
puerile. In the last age of fabled Atlantis, before the gods
pulled the plug and sank beneath the waves that prehistoric
continent that had linked Britain and the Falklands while the
dagoes were still struggling with their Linguaphone courses in
proto-Indo-European, Diodric the Warrior, Niane the Nymphet,
and Nephog Thoon the Wizard with the Silliest Name in All
Prehistory struggle against troglodytes, sorcerers, and
militant anarchists to save the fabled jewel The Black Star
from falling into the wrong hands, since the Gods seem to have
a bit of a thing about it and will destroy civilization if
it's lost. What relieves this at best "routine" (in the
technical sense coined by the SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA) story from
total tedium is the fascinating use that Carter makes of plot
devices in order to get the whole preposterous rattletrap of
a story moving along its dried-up watercourse of a road.
Here I'd better pause and clarify what I mean by a plot
device. In normal usage, when people talk of a plot device
they mean something in the story that's just a little bit too
obviously functional to be taken seriously. The most famous
plot device in recent SF is the Babel fish, the joke about
which is that it's such an obvious plot device that it implies
the existence of an author. But the term is a flexible one,
and I'm going to use a number of more specialized terms for
some of the more specialized varieties of device. The Babel
fish is an instance of the plot device at its simplest: a
little bit of technology or whatever introduced into the
story's world for the sole point of overcoming a little
technical difficulty like the fact the characters can't speak
to one another. All these FTL drives, instant translators,
oxygen pills, and so forth: contrivances so basic to getting
interplanetary stories off the ground that we no longer really
worry about their implausibility.
This is a fairly innocuous kind of plot device, often
quite institutionalized, and nothing you could fairly call a
sophisticated hacking technique. For that, you have to move a
level up....
No time for words now, girl. I am sped, but ere I go down
to the Kingdom of Darkness I must pass a terrible burden
into your hands: alas, that it be so, but thus it must
be, for I am near the end of my strength and there is
none other here to take up That which I may no longer
shield," he panted, and she wondered at his strange,
portentous words....
(And this goes on for a page or so, then:)
He plucked Something from the bosom of his robes and
thrust it under her eyes. At the sight of the Thing which
he held she voiced a small cry and would have recoiled in
holy awe, save that his other hand grasped her wrist
again, and dragged her near. "Girl! You know the meaning
of this Thing? I read it within thine eyes.... Then take
It, child."
Well, of course, the Thing in question is the legendary Black
Star, as we learn a hundred pages later: "While this Thing
rested in the possession of the Divine Dynasty" (ie. the good
guys) "the favour of the Gods shone upon Atlantis. No Emperor
could hold the throne unless he also held the Black Star...."
which means that the wicked Trotskyite rebels that have
temporarily overrun the kingdom will be overcome so long as
the goodies retain the Black Star. Notice that the only causal
connection between possession of the Black Star and victory is
that enforced by "the Gods", for whom of course read "the
author", and you perhaps begin to see why I like to term this
kind of thing COLLECT-THE-COUPONS plotting. It would be much
too complicated to have three goodies overcome the whole
usurping army, or at any rate it would be far beyond the
plotting powers of a Lin Carter. So what you do instead is
write into the scenario one or more PLOT COUPONS which happen
to be "supernaturally" linked to the outcome of the larger
action; and then all your character have to do is save up the
tokens till it's time to cash them in.
Obviously, this is an artifice which lends itself
particularly well to fantasy writing, and is capable of widely
varying subtlety of application. I think THE LORD OF THE
RINGS, or LORD OF THE PLOT COUPONS, is the chief villain here,
unless you want to trace it back to Wagner and his traditional
sources. Tolkien, on the whole, gets away with the trick by
minimizing the arbitrariness of the ring's plot-power and
putting more stress than his imitators on the way the ring's
power moulds the character of its wielder and vice-versa. But
even so it's a pretty creaky apparatus, and one whose
influence has been wholly disastrous. It's so EASY, they all
cry; you save so much energy by just smuggling a few choice
plot coupons up and down the map.
Probably the most distinguished practitioner of collect-
the-coupons plotting is Susan Cooper in those awful DARK IS
RISING books, in the course of which the hapless goodies have
to run down no fewer than nine different plot tokens before
they can send off to the author for the ending. I quote from
the end of volume two: "Each of the Things of Power was made
at a different point in Time by a different craftsman of the
Light" (odd how these discussions of the plot always seem to
be signalled by bursts of capitalization), "to await the day
when it would be needed. There is a golden chalice, called a
grail; there is the Circle of Signs" (of which there are six
separate components -- very busy book, that one); "there is a
sword of crystal, and a harp of gold. The grail, like the
Signs, is safely found. The other two we must yet achieve,
other quests for other times." (Read: two more sequels.) "But
once we have added to these, then when the Dark comes rising
for its final and most dreadful onslaught, we shall have hope
and assurance that we can overcome."
We'll come back to Susan Cooper later on. A collect-
thecoupons plotter who runs her close, though, is the
inimitable Stephen Donaldson. He tends to pad more than Ms
Cooper, so it takes rather more pages to collect each token;
but I should think by volume nine of the trilogy he may well
outstrip her for sheer multitude of the wretched things.
Here's the crucial passage of insight and revelation from THE
WOUNDED LAND, in which Thomas Covenant in a flash of wisdom
perceives the whole point of volumes four to six. I've changed
just one word throughout; see if you can spot what it is.
Covenant saw.
The Staff of Plot. Destroyed.
For the Staff of Plot had been formed by Berek
Halfhand as a tool to serve and uphold the Plot. He had
fashioned the Staff from a limb of the One Tree as a way
to wield Earthpower in defence of the health of the Land,
in support of the natural order of life. And because
Earthpower was the strength of mystery and spirit, the
Staff became the thing it served. It was the Plot; the
Plot was incarnate in the Staff. The tool and its purpose
were one.
And the Staff had been destroyed.
That loss had weakened the very fibre of the Plot. A
crucial support was withdrawn, and the Plot faltered.
Of course, the word "Plot" in all this replaces Donaldson's
"Law" (with one of those significant initial capitals), and of
course all Covenant has to do now, in a Lensmanesque
escalation of the same basic routine he went through in
previous volumes, is go chugging off to cut himself a new
Staff of Plot from the jolly old One Tree. I don't know how he
does; four volumes was quite enough, though I hear there's an
amazingly silly bit with limpet mines in the fifth. Another
fantasy first.
At any rate, there's another variety of ingenious plot
device that's closely related to collecting the coupons, and
that's SAVING THE VOUCHERS. As the name suggests, it's an
activity that can amount to the same thing if your plot tokens
happen to have an effective power of their own. A Plot
Voucher is one of those useful items that is presented to the
hero at the start of his adventure with a purpose totally
unspecified, that turns out at an arbitrary point later in the
story to be exactly what's needed to get him out of a sticky
and otherwise unresolvable situation. ("This voucher valid for
one [1] awkward scrape. Not transferable." Young Dirk stared
at the object in bewilderment. "But what does it DO?", he
asked, putting it reluctantly away in his pouch. "Ah," said
the old sage, "I am not at liberty to tell you that. But when
the time comes, you will know its purpose.") There's a
glorious chapter in THE WOUNDED LAND again where Thomas
Covenant is visited by a rapid succession of ghostly
characters from previous volumes "to give you gifts, as the
law permits". Some of the gifts are a bit of a cheat, as they
consist only in explaining bits of the story that don't make
an awful lot of sense. But there are two authentic plot
vouchers thrown in. "When the time comes," says one character,
"you will find the means to unlock my gift." "He may be
commanded once," says another of the handy sidekick with whom
he saddles the hapless Covenant. "Once only, but I pray it may
suffice. When your need is upon you, and there is no other
help." Ho-hum. In the event, of course, the ink is scarcely
dry on the page before Donaldson decides Covenant's need is
upon him and there is no other help. He also turns out to take
a decidedly flexible interpretation of this once-and-once-only
clause.
I do recommend the use of plot vouchers to your attention
if you're at all interested in writing multi-volume epics of
quest and adventure, because they're terrifically easy to use
and the readers never complain. You can issue your hero with a
handy talisman of unspecified powers at the beginning of
volume one, and have him conveniently remember it at various
points over the succeeding volumes when he finds himself
surrounded by slavering troglodytes or whatever, with no
obligation to explain it until the series proves unsuccessful
enough to require winding up and the loose ends tying. Lest
anyone begin to suspect a veiled allusion to certain 1982
Nebula-winning novels, I'd better rip away the veil and
confirm their suspicions; because if the Claw of the
Conciliator is anything more than a general-purpose plot
voucher I'm buggered if I can see what. I confess I haven't
got on to the CITADEL yet*, but can it really explain this
kind of thing?
My lungs were bursting; I lifted my face to the
surface, and they were upon me.
No doubt there comes a time for every man when by
rights he should die. This, I have always felt, was mine.
I have counted all the life I have held since as pure
profit, an undeserved gift. I had no weapon, and my right
arm was numbed and torn. The man-apes were bold now. That
boldness gave me a moment more of life, for so many
crowded forward to kill me that they obstructed one
another. I kicked one in the face. A second grasped my
boot; there was a flash of light, and I (moved by what
instinct of inspiration I do not know) snatched at it. I
held the Claw.
And then the Claw bathes the scene in its wondrous radiance
and Severian slips away while the beasties are held rapt. What
a let-down, eh?
Even so, there are looser and lazier plot devices even
than the voucher system. Don't forget that if you're
absolutely stuck for anything for your characters to do, you
can always issue them with little plot algorithms prescribing
a sequence of more or less pointless tasks that they have to
fulfil in order to achieve their end. Again, this is
particularly easy to do in fantasy: an ancient prophecy, more
often than not couched in mock-archaic verse, is quite
sufficient. Susan Cooper is good at this; she's got a little
rhyme to summarize the whole series in twelve lines, a
shopping-list of plot tokens that encapsulates in a mnemonic
nutshell the entire plot of the story, such as it is.
But perhaps the supreme manifestation of the plot
deviser's art, and the point where hackwork shades over into
genius by virtue of the sheer inspired brilliance with which
the unwritten rules of short-cut plot creation are exploited,
is what I call the UNIVERSAL PLOT GENERATOR. A Plot Generator
is a device written into your scenario that will create
further stories as often as required, while laying no
restrictions whatever on the kind of story produced.
What I think have to be the two most brilliantly
conceived specimens of this rarest and most sophisticated of
all plot devices came up in the DC comics of my childhood. I
don't think this is any accident. The comics have always been
a kind of elephant's graveyard of antiquated plot devices,
because they've always existed under the three ideal
conditions for the genesis of bad plotlines: serial format
with regular publishing schedules, an audience of adolescent
Americans (arguably the lowest form of intelligence in the
galaxy), and truly terrible writers. DC Comics in the middle
sixties were a particularly golden age in this respect,
because while other comics publishers like Marvel and Warren
were making tentative sallies into character drama and the
adult market, DC were still resolutely plumbing away in search
of the lowest common denominator of all narrative art, under
such marvellous hacks as the legendary Gardner F.Fox (whose
novel KOTHAR -- BARBARIAN SWORDSMAN ranks among the classics
of contemporary prose sculpture).
Anyway, the first of DC's great plot generators is almost
too famous to warrant discussion, except that the sheer
artistry of the concept is rarely appreciated in full. I'd
like you to think for a moment about RED KRYPTONITE. There was
a time when the hues and varieties of kryptonite were being
boosted daily by new kryptonological discoveries, but I think
green and red were the only ones that really lasted the
course. The effects of red kryptonite, you remember, were as
follows. Each individual chunk would affect Superman, but no-
one else, with a completely unpredictable effect that would
last exactly forty-eight hours. He would then revert to normal
and that particular chunk of red K could never affect him
again. The brilliance of this only becomes fully apparent when
you translate it all into plot terms; because forty-eight
hours happens to be the average timespan of a story in a DC
comic. What red kryptonite amounts to is a random element in
your scenario that can be brought on at any time and
introduce any daft plot idea the writer happens to have
kicking about; and at the end of the story it will disappear
from the continuity as if it had never been. It's hardly any
wonder that the series, at its peak, got through chunks of red
kryptonite so frequently that someone calculated that, for
that amount of planetary debris to arrive on Earth by chance
alone, the original planet Krypton must have been about the
size of a galactic supercluster.
There was only ever one plot generator among the many in
DC's repertoire that ran red K close for sheer elegance
(though others like DIAL H FOR HERO proved more durable), and
that's the little-remembered Idol-Head of Diabolu. The Idol-
Head appeared for a couple of years as the continuity in the
Martian Manhunter stories, and the way it worked was this. The
Idol-Head of Diabolu was an ancient bust created by an evil
sorcerer way back in the mists of flashback, and I think it
got unearthed by an unfortunate archaeologist or something.
Thereafter, it would drift around from owner to owner or float
around in the ocean and get washed up from time to time
(which was odd, since the Head was carved from stone); and
every full moon the top of the head would flip open like a
Terry Gilliam cartoon and a new evil would be loosed on the
world. Invariably these magical banes would find themselves
being tackled by the Martian Manhunter, till eventually he
managed to run the Idol-Head to ground and destroy it. What I
so admire about this invention is that "every full moon"
corresponds almost exactly to THE PUBLISHING SCHEDULE OF A
MONTHLY COMIC BOOK; so that you had, written into the set-up,
a device that would generate a guaranteed new villain or
disaster every issue while leaving the scripter total freedom
to fill in the details.
Sometimes, however, even the Universal Plot Generator
breaks down. You may find, in the course of hacking forth your
masterpiece from the living pulp, that none of the plot
devices hitherto catalogued, none of these little enemas to
the Muse, will keep the story flowing; that you can think of
no earthly reason why the characters should have to go through
with this absurd sequence of actions save that you want them
to, and no earthly reason why they should succeed save that
it's in the plot. Despair not. If you follow the handbook,
you'll find there's a plot device even for this -- when the
author has no choice but to intervene in person.
Obviously, this requires a disguise, unless you're
terribly postmodernist. The disguise favoured by most writers,
not unnaturally, tends to be God, since you get the
omnipotence while reserving the right to move in mysterious
ways and to remain invisible to mortal eyes. There aren't all
that many DEUS EX MACHINA scenes where the Deity actually
rolls up in person to explain the plot to the bewildered
characters, though Stephen Donaldson permits an extended
interview at the end of THE POWER THAT PRESERVES. What tends
to happen instead is the kind of coy allusiveness coupled with
total transparency of motive you meet, for example, in THE
BLACK STAR, where our heroes most improbably find a light
aircraft in which to escape the overrun city:
It was by the most incredible stroke of fortune that
Diodric and the Lady Niane should have stumbled upon so
rare and priceless a memento of the eons.
Or perhaps it was not Blind Fortune, but the
inscrutable Will of the Gods.
One thinks irresistibly of Gandalf's famous words to Frodo
when explaining the logic of THE LORD OF THE PLOT DEVICES: "I
can put it no plainer than by saying that Bilbo was MEANT to
find the Ring, and NOT by its maker." Frodo, unfortunately,
fails to respond with the obvious question, to which the
answer is "by the author".
But actually, it's not always necessary for the author to
put in an appearance himself, if only he can smuggle the Plot
itself into the story disguised as one of the characters.
Naturally, it tends not to look like most of the other
characters, chiefly on account of its omnipresence and lack of
physical body. It'll call itself something like the
Visualization of the Cosmic All, or Seldon's Plan, or THE
HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, or the Law, or the Light,
or the Will of the Gods; or, in perhaps its most famous
avatar, the Force. Credit for this justly celebrated
interpretation of STAR WARS belongs to Phil Palmer; I'd only
like to point out the way it makes sudden and perfect sense of
everything that happens in the film. "The time has come, young
man, for you to learn about the Plot." "Darth Vader is a
servant of the dark side of the Plot." When Ben Kenobi gets
written out, he becomes one with the Plot and can speak inside
the hero's head. When a whole planet of good guys gets blown
up, Ben senses "a great disturbance in the Plot."
If this is beginning to sound like a silly little verbal
game, think again. The reason you can play this sort of game
in the first place is that the Force is one of those
arbitrary, general-purpose, all-powerful plot devices that can
be invoked whenever convenient to effect whatever happens to
be necessary at the time. The only ends it serves within the
logic of the story are those of the storyteller. And the
reason you can decode so much of SF in this kind of way is
that SF is absolutely addicted to crappiness; and while
science fiction may not offer any more opportunities than any
other kind of fiction for crappy character-drawing or crappy
prose, the scope for crappy plotting is virtually limitless.
For instance, Lionel Fanthorpe could never have existed
in any genre but SF. Everyone knows, I imagine, the story of
the Flaz Gaz Heat Ray, perhaps the most outrageous DEUS EX
MACHINA ending in all literature. There the heroes were,
stranded deep in an enemy sector of space, surrounded by an
entire enemy fleet with the guns trained on them, when the
maestro realized all of a sudden he had only one page left to
finish the book. Quick as a flash, the captain barks out:
"It's no use, men. We'll have to use the Flaz Gaz Heat Ray."
"Not -- not the Flaz Gaz Heat Ray!" So they open up this
cupboard, and there's this weapon that just blasts the entire
fleet into interstellar dust. One almighty ZAP and the
thousand remaining loose ends are quietly incinerated. Where,
but in SF, could you do that?
So this is your challenge. I hope that in revealing to
you, for the first time in cosmic history, these precious
secrets of how to tune and play your very own plot devices,
I've given you some idea of the opportunities that exist for
the talentless hack to abuse, short-change and exploit the
mindless masses who put up with this garbage. Armed with this
knowledge, you are now equipped to go out into the world and
create science fiction stories worse than any that have gone
before them. The earth will tremble; railway bookstalls will
burst with the fruits of your typewriters; small-time hacks
like the vermin who write for IASFM* will be swept away by
the new torrent of drivel! From this moment on, the universe
is yours. The only thing that could possibly stand in your way
would be a united resistance from those contemptible snot-
gobbed arthropods the readers themselves, crying out against
cheapskate exploitation fiction and demanding stories that can
hold the road without the author stepping in every five pages
to crank the bloody things up. Small chance of that, eh?
I leave the future of SF in your hands. May the Plot be
with you. [Nick Lowe]
Answers to COMPLETE THE POEM quiz:
(i) ...but for what you are.
(ii) ...I love you now for what you have become.
(iii) ...I miss what I am when you are here.
(iv) ...it is a gift to me.
(v) ...You are you. / Our love is us.
RATE YOUR SCORE... 13-15 Excellent. The nation's greetings
cards manufacturers need you. 9-12 Not bad, but damaging
traces of poetic sensibility probably bar you from the big
time. Try ghosting for Patience Strong. 5-8 Could do well in
vanity publishing. Don't despair. 1-4 Alas! better stay dead.
* ALL-PURPOSE EDITORIAL FOOTNOTE: This piece started as a talk
(Fencon, 1982) in rather different format -- eg. Clench-
Searching was demonstrated in real time. Aeons later, Nick
recast it as above for DRILKJIS, and galactic cycles after
that it became apparent that D7 would not appear. My asterisks
are to remind you of time's winged chariot, and that (eg.)
IASFM is much improved under Gardner Dozois. [DRL]
=============================================================
The Fiction/Good Taste Supplement:
BRAD BERRY (1920-1986) by DAVID S.GARNETT
=============================================================
The death has been reported of noted sci-fi writer Brad Berry,
shortly after the publication of his first novel for over 20
years, BOMBING IS A LONELY BUSINESS.
Mr Berry cancelled a European trip recently because of
anticipated unfavourable reviews. He refused to visit Britain,
believing it had become an editorial target after a READERS
DISGUST subscription campaign against Libya had been launched
from bases in England. Mr Berry also called off a visit to
France, as a protest against French publishers who had refused
to allow mail shots to overfly their territory -- they were
concerned about possible readership losses in the home market.
Although its population is only one percent of that of
the U.S.A., Libya's influence as a centre of worldwide
literary subversion is well known: their notorious sponsorship
of "Number One International Bestsellers", for example,
although for security reasons evidence of the responsibility
for the 1984 Booker Prize atrocity must be kept secret.
Editor-in-Chief of Libyan House is Colonel "Mad Pencil"
Qadhafi, who does not subscribe to READERS DISGUST or its
values, and who was attempting to set up an alternative
magazine. Because the READERS DISGUST special offer campaign
had resulted in circulation cuts among readers of his own
publication, Editor Qadhafi was believed to be considering a
new publicity drive, using famous personalities to endorse his
global policies.
Regarding Mr Berry as a representative of decent American
Mid-Western values, it was rumoured that a special
decommissioning editor would cancel his contract while he was
in London. All Mr Berry's books would have been set on fire --
a gesture designed as an ironic parody of his movie
novelization BURN, COMMIE, BURN -- and the author himself was
to have received the ultimate censorship and been remaindered.
By refusing to leave the safety of his native country, Mr
Berry avoided the devastating critical massacre at the Royal
Connaught public house in London, which left the cream of
Britain's sci-fi authors suffering from severe writer's block.
Mr Berry was scheduled to be the special guest of the Supper
Club, but he withdrew when he discovered that the date set
for the meeting was May 1, the infamous pagan holiday.
However, another American celebrity had arrived in London a
few days earlier, and she graciously accepted the role of
substitute. Wallis Simpson, better known under her pseudonym
the Duchess of Windsor, had no fear of being terminally
edited. As she was already dead, instead of giving a speech
her final royalty statement was read out by a ghost writer.
Ironically, it was on the very same day that Mr Berry was
mugged and shot dead a few yards from his own home, becoming
one of the 10,000 Americans who are sacrificed each year to
the Second Amendment. Mr Berry seems to have been the victim
of one of the annoying mistakes which so bedevilled his own
published works -- a typo. Recent research shows that the 1791
Constitutional Amendment contained a misprint: the right to
"bear" arms should have been "bare" arms. Alas, instead of
having his sleeves rolled up Mr Berry's attacker was
democratically armed with a handgun.
Mr Berry was arguably the world's most famous sci-fi
writer. Everyone has heard of him, although nobody has read
any of his books. He will probably be best remembered for his
contributions to the visual media. As well as novelizing BURN,
COMMIE, BURN, he scripted the famous video nasty MOBY SICK. He
reached his peak in 1953 with the release of two memorable
movies based on his short stories: IT CAME FROM OUT OF
HOLLYWOOD and THE BEAST FROM WASHINGTON DC. Mr Berry will also
never be forgotten for the television mini-series of his book
THE FARCICAL CHRONICLES, which raised model making technology
to heights which had not been achieved since the heady days of
THUNDERBIRDS.
His penultimate novel, NOTHING WICKED FROM AMERICA COMES,
was made into another movie by Ricky Rat Studios; but until
what will sadly be his last novel, Mr Berry had for two
decades confined himself to short stories. Many of these
appeared within the pages of MASTURBATOR, the short story being an ideal length for the attention span of "readers" of
this journal. A number of these were stuck together (as indeed
were so many pages of MASTURBATOR) into yet another film, THE
IGNORANT MAN, linked by the plot device of having the
narratives written on the walls of a rest room.
Mr Berry had been planning to visit Britain next year, by
which time he hoped that his bad reviews would have been
forgotten, and that editor Qadhafi would have been sacked,
thereby reducing the threat of literary agents to innocent
authors everywhere. The World SF Convention is being held in
September 1987, in Brighton -- the English seaside town where
one of the main hotels was the scene of an IRA structuralist
critique during a recent annual conference of Conservative
Press, resulting in several early redundancies. In a unique
joint publishing venture, the Irish Readers Association is
reported to receive many of its manuscripts from Libyan House,
while publication of such novels is financed by voluntary
contributions from freedom loving American patriots.
It is for this spirit of peaceful co-operation,
international tolerance and world friendship that Brad Berry
will be remembered as long as there are late night movies.[DSG]
[YOUR EDITOR ADDS: This must be some kind of allegory. I
certainly didn't see any famous American author failing
to attend the SF Supper Club at the Royal Connaught.
ANSIBLE is as always completely irresponsible, for
everything.]
C.O.A. (NOT ALL RECENT!)
MICHAEL ABBOTT, Flat 7, Bryanstone Rd, Talbot Woods,
Bournemouth, BH3 7JE :: PAUL BARNETT, 17 Polsloe Rd, Exeter,
Devon, EX1 2HL :: MERV BINNS (& AUSTRALIAN SF NEWS), PO Box
491, Elsternwick, Vic 3185, Australia :: TERRY BROOME, 23
Claremont St, Lincoln, LN2 5BN :: DENICE & BRIAN EARL BROWN,
11675 Beaconsfield, Detroit, MI 48224, USA :: PETER COLLEY, 7
Sumatra Rd, West Hampstead, London, NW6 :: JONATHAN COXHEAD,
92 Histon Rd, Cambridge, CB4 3JP :: GAMES WORKSHOP (where
erstwhile IMAGINE boss Paul Cockburn is now in charge of
everything interesting, Ian Marsh and most of the old mob
having been expunged from the histories for unwillingness to
move north), Enfield Chambers, 16-18 Low Pavement, Nottingham,
NG1 7DL :: ROY HILL, 8 Windsor Rd, Canterbury, Kent, CT1 3UN
:: TERRY & MARGARET HILL, 42 Chaplin Drive, Headcorn, Kent,
TN27 9TN :: PHIL JAMES, GSOC/MARCOL Team, DFVLR, D-8031
Oberpfaffenhofen, West Germany :: LEIGH KENNEDY, 2 Alma Place,
Marlborough, Wilts, SN8 1AF :: KEITH KNIGHT, 164 Goldhurst
Tce, West Hampstead, London, NW6 3HP :: CHRIS LEWIS, UWIST,
Redwood Bldg, King Edward VII Ave, Cardiff :: MATT MACKULIN, 8
Upper Ashmount, Cloughfold, Rawtenstall, Rossendale, Lancs,
BB4 7PS :: IAN MARSH, Top Flat, 19 Rusholme Rd, London, SW15
3JX :: TOM PERRY, PO Box E, Sugar Loaf, NY 10981, USA ::
DARROLL & RO PARDOE, 38 Marina Village, Preston Brook,
Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 3BQ :: MAUREEN PORTER, 114 Guildhall
St, Folkestone, Kent, CT20 1ES :: ANDY SAWYER, 1 The Flaxyard,
Woodfall Lane, Little Neston, S.Wirral, Cheshire, L64 4BT ::
JOHN SLADEK, Apt 2, 15201 Scenic Heights Rd, Eden Prairie, MN
55344, USA :: KEVIN & DIANA SMITH, 19 Millford, Goldsworth
Park, Woking, Surrey, GU21 3LH :: SPHERE BOOKS, 27 Wrights
Lane, London, W8 5TZ (NB: lovable editor Colin Murray has
left, seeking new worlds to conquer) :: ALEX STEWART, 47 St
Johns Green, Colchester, Essex, CO2 7EZ :: KEV & SUE WILLIAMS
(temporary, pending permanent settlement in the civilized
South), c/o Richardson Vicks Ltd, R&D Labs, Rusham Park,
Whitehall Lane, Egham, Surrey, TW20 9NW :: STEVE WOOLHOUSE, 19
Jaunty Mount, Sheffield, South Yorks, S12 3DR :: Bob Lichtman
adds a footnote: "Walter Willis of Stanford, California,
recognizing the confusion he's been inadvertently causing
among 6th fandom fans everywhere, has voluntarily changed his
name. He is sure his new name, Lee Hoffman, will rectify this
problem."
CONVENTION NOTES (OR, MORE BORING BITS)
CONSEPT/UNICON 7 (8-10 Aug, Guildford) has GoH Tanith Lee; #4
supp #8 att; 9 Graham Rd, Wealdstone, Harrow, Middlesex, HA3
5RP. (They call it "Un7con", perhaps meaning "Not Unicon 7.")
RUBICON (22-25 Aug, Newbury) is Not Quite Silicon: #5 to
Bishop's Cottage, Park House Lane, Reading, Berks, RG3 2AH.
CONFEDERATION (Worldcon, 28 Aug - 2 Sept, Atlanta): just
too late to book in advance, and it's $65 at the door. GoH Ray
Bradbury, FGoH Terry Carr. (Suite 1986, 3277 Roswell Rd,
Atlanta, GA 30305, USA.)
FANTASYCON XI (26-28 Sept, Brum) claims its "high point"
is a banquet cum awards ceremony, but this is probably a plot
to deter undesirables. #2 supp #10 att to 15 Stanley Rd,
Morden, Surrey, SM4 5DE.
XIICON (26-29 Sept, Glasgow): GoH Harry Harrison. #3 supp
#9 att; "Beachfield", Calfmuir Rd, Lenzie, Glasgow, G66 3JJ.
BENELUXCON 1986: there is no Beneluxcon 1986.
NICON '86 (26 Oct, Belfast) purports to be the First
Northern Ireland SF Convention, with GoH Anne McCaffrey. One
day only; #1 supp #2 att, cheques to "Queen's Clubs &
Societies". Thomas Ferguson, SF Soc, c/o QUBSU Bldg,
University Rd, Belfast BT7 1PE. (Despite stiff competition
from Mike Sherwood, Thomas F. has the worst handwriting of any
ANSIBLE correspondent. Our cryptanalysts are working on
several letters from him, some of which may even be arranged
into words.)
NOVACON 16 (31 Oct - 2 Nov, Coventry): GoH Ted Tubb, who
will dictate a Dumarest book as the first third of his speech,
plus Chris Evans. #8 to 86 Berwood Farm Rd, Wylde Green,
Sutton Coldfield, W Midlands. 5,271,009 fans claim to be
"skipping Novacon" following a slightly over-the-top
Chairman's Warning in PR1, but most will doubtless relent.
(The warning? Usual stuff: castration and eviction for anyone
caught importing booze, holding room parties, going barefoot,
sleeping on floors, annoying hotel staff, etc. Chairman Tony
Berry has not mastered the subtle art of at least appearing to
be on the side of the fans rather than the hotel....)
CONCEPTION (13-15 Feb, Leeds) celebrates 50 years since a
certain famous Leeds convention and aims to recreate intervening history, omitting the 1937 Temperance Hall theme.
#6 to 12 Fearnville Tce, Oakwood, Leeds, LS8 3DU. To pinch a
phrase from V.Omniaveritas, this one is so ideologically sound
it should be mailed in a sealed train to Moscow.
ORICON (6-8 March, Essex) claims to be an Irwin Allen cum
General Media con. Who's Irwin Allen? (I can probably live on
without this information, actually.) #12 plus -- chiz chiz --
3 SAEs to 66 Burdett Ave, Westcliff on Sea, essex, SS0 7JW.
BECCON '87 (Eastercon, NEC, Brum): GoH Keith Roberts,
FGoH A.N.Other. #5 supp #10 att, rates to rise by #1 on 1
Sept.
CONSPIRACY '87 (27 Aug - 2 Sept, somewhere on the south
coast) is still happening! Membership now #25/$40/$A50, firm
to 30 Sept this year. The GoH list has swollen still further
with the addition of Arkady & Boris Strugatsky ("dunno if
they'll really come," said an unnamed chairman); persons not
actually on the committee are running a "Three Fan Guests Are
Not Enough, Let's Have Terry Jeeves As Well" campaign,
provoking the Conspirators to tumultuous apathy.... PAM WELLS
begs massive information input about fan groups worldwide --
but especially UK -- for purposes of official Fan Liaison.
Ditto fanzines for fan room display: send to Pam at 24a Beech
Rd, Bowes Park, London, N11 2DA, marked "Conspiracy" to
prevent them vanishing into the recesses of the mighty Wells
archive. RON BENNETT is doing the dealers' room (tables
#25/$37.50, wall tables #30/$45, rates for ceiling tables not
given): bookings by 1 May with #10 deposit to him at 36 Harlow
Park Cres, Harrogate, HG2 0AW.
INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
IDEOLOGICAL HORROR AT TWP: The editors of our all-female APA
were ticked off by a resigning Joy Hibbert for their hideous
gaffe of using cover artwork by one D.West, whose cryptic
initial is believed to conceal the name of a m*n....
PAUL (JOHN GRANT) BARNETT is in the throes of a
definitive Walt Disney encyclopaedia (he got a free research
trip to California, too): "The task is roughly equivalent to
writing the entire ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF SF single-handed... or
even with the help of an Australian critic and editor. Oh joy.
At least I haven't had to watch THE BLACK HOLE or TRON."
DUFF: the ballot for who gets the coveted trip from
Australia to Confederation was won by (take a deep breath) the
artists' collective Lewis Morley, Marilyn Pride and Nick
Stathopoulos. Good people, I'm told, but one does wonder about
the precedent. Could the INTERZONE collective stand as a
single candidate for TAFF? The entire BSFA for GUFF? Spung!
A LOAD OF OLD CABELLERS: a couple of you asked after the
James Branch Cabell society and its organ ("rampant in every
member") KALKI. Try Prof Dorys C. Grover, Hall of Languages
208, Fast Texas State University, Commerce, TX 75428, USA. Can
one deduce, in a manner not convenient to describe, that
Cabell has fallen into the hands of the academics?
PROFESSIONAL CONTROVERSY! Quite a bit of late. In the
letter column of the GRAUNIAD, Michael Moorcock launched a
campaign to have vile John Norman banned, only to get into a
fearful tangle when the W.H.Smith people started raising
unfair points like "why was all censorship evil when NEW
WORLDS was being attacked, but not now?".... Tom Disch used
the columns of THE NATION (USA) to be doubtful about SF,
Shuttles, and space militarization, modulating gleefully into
an attack on Jerry Pournelle -- whose reported reply confines
itself to not wholly cogent points like "My fans don't carry
toy guns, that's Gordon Dickson" and "I have no special
uniforms other than Boy Scouts of America".... On the fan
front, Ken Lake complained at wearying length about Colin
Fine's term "arch- whinger" in A45 ("Lying comments...
cowardly sod... I will welcome a grovelling apology when he
has the guts to make it," etc). Colin duly apologized. Enough
of that.
R.I.P: the Ansible Book of the Dead is sadly outdated,
but we can't omit the deaths of Robert P.Mills (7 Feb, of
heart attack), FRANK HERBERT (11 Feb, of cancer: his THE
DRAGON IN THE SEA still means a lot to me, and DUNE has its
moments), JUDY-LYNN DEL REY (20 Feb, following coma mentioned
last issue), MANLY WADE WELLMAN (5 April, following
unspeakable experience also mentioned last issue), THOMAS N.
SCORTIA (28 April, of leukaemia) and J.ALLEN HYNEK, one-time
scientist who went barmy about UFOs and got a bit part in
CE3K. In Britain, that long-term fan and pillar of the Swansea
group ROGER GILBERT died late in June, apparently from a brain
haemorrhage. Another fan group, the Birmingham-area MISFITS,
was officially pronounced dead on 28 June ("terminal
membership loss," says Dr Steve Green). And MAL ASHWORTH has
issued his own obituary notice: "as of now I am Out --
gafiated -- fannishly flatlined." Gosh, it's like seeing
Harlan Ellison sever every connection with SF, again....
NEBULA AWARD THRILLS! Marvel Comics have circularized
SFWA members with copies of their MOONSHADOW comic and a plea
for the institution (they can't actually SPELL institution,
but never mind) of a Nebula comics category. ANSIBLE advises
them to forget it. Our own far more heartfelt campaign for a
Best Deaf Author category was rudely ignored.
PRO NEWS COLUMN (BY GARRY KILWORTH): "Garry Kilworth goes
semi-straight this August with a mainstream novel to be
published by The Bodley Head, called WITCHWATER COUNTRY,"
writes Garry Kilworth. "This is a novel ABOUT fantasy, not of
fantasy, with its grotesque and macabre elements, such as
could delight SF and fantasy fans, incorporated as part of the
realistic world of the adolescent who finds it difficult to
separate the supernatural from the mundane." [GK]
SOVIET NEWS: "handwritten translations of Rob Holdstock's
short story `Thorn' (the Novacon 14 souvenir booklet) are
currently doing the rounds in Volgograd, courtesy of the
city's `Winds of Time' SF group -- Rob's eyes clouded with
visions of millions of roubles in lost royalties when given
the news at Mexicon II, but calmed down when he realized the
readership is barely into double figures." [Steve Green]
EVERYTHING MUST GO! Eric Bentcliffe is flogging vast
numbers of SF books and mags collected over the past several
aeons: much rare stuff, much dross, want lists appreciated,
confidentiality guaranteed to Philip E.High completists....
(17 Riverside Cres, Holmes Chapel, Cheshire, CW4 7NR.)
JAMES WHITE PUSHES BACK FRONTIERS OF GOOD TASTE! In his
hard-hitting new Sector General book, "E-t body wastes and
bedpans are dealt with in one sentence, but it is all done in
the best possible taste." [JW]
CONCRETE OVERCOAT FAN FUND: this may vanish after last
year's ructions -- see Novacon 16's PR2 for an attempt to
Finger the Pulse of Fandom. Interim voting totals CIRCA
Albacon showed only three fans with an unpopularity in double
figures (all 10): Vince Docherty, Robert Sneddon, Ian
Sorenson. Postal votes at 10p each may be sent to COFF's
transparent NOM DE PLUME "Alliance & Leicester Building
Society" c/o K.Clarke, 191 Valley Rd, Solihull, West Midlands.
All cash to worthy causes, etc.
SKIFFY DEAN SPEAKS! Robert Heinlein emerged from
seclusion to tell THE WALL STREET JOURNAL his philosophy of
literature: "To me the acme of prose style is exemplified by
that simple, graceful clause, `Pay to the order of....'" [MMW]
Meanwhile, the 1986 ANSIBLE award for Being Influenced By
Famous Heinlein Narrative Hooks goes to S.Delany's STARS IN MY
POCKET LIKE GRAINS OF SAND, wherein we find: "The door
deliquesced." (No, really, it sort of melts into a puddle to
let you in.)
PAST CONS: Too much has already been printed about
Mexicon (where Iain Banks incurred the dread fandom addiction,
Joe Nicholas was inverted, and your editor was put in a poncho
for being too clever by half) and Corflu (where Dan Steffan
hurled a pie at GoH Teresa Nielsen Hayden ["I woulda decked
him" -- A.Carol], Patrick NH squirted cream up Dan's nose, and
every membership badge said HELLO! I'M RICHARD BERGERON). Best
bit: en route to Corflu, Rob Hansen had trouble with a US
Customs thug who was deeply insulted by a certain Jim Barker
cover. "`Is this supposed to show that while the guy behind
the desk is going through these folks' stuff he's too dumb to
see the other guy sneaking stuff by him?' he asked. I smiled a
sickly smile and suddenly wished I hadn't agreed to carry all
those copies of Dave's trip report over...." [RH]
THE SAVAGE POPCORN OF R.I.BARYCZ: "20th Century Fox is
sueing LA Effects Group for falling down on SFX work for
ALIENS. You can tell this is a serious bit of sueing because
Fox only want $407,935.74 being their unpaid advance and
$176,000 in damages. The real kick is their also asking for a
court order to say that 20th is not liable for the legal
claims arising out of LA Effects' failure to complete the
work. I translate this as Fox's attempt to stop the US cinema
industry from sueing Fox for not delivering ALIENS on a set
date (a set hour of the day, even!) in 1986 -- said industry
and cinema owners having paid Fox $25,000,000 in up-front
non-returnable guarantees for the privilege of selling popcorn
during the showing of ALIENS. If they don't get what they paid
for they will sue Fox for $1000 million or whatever. Wot's
that noise? Industrial Light & Magic riding to the rescue,
again....
"The flick's action takes up either 30 seconds after the
end of ALIEN or 57 years later when Ripley (and her pussy) are
picked up by another space ship in a state of hibernation. A
still in SCREEN INTERNATIONAL shows our heroine looking
fraught and armed with a piece of lethal hardware (looks
good), but she's also carrying on her other hip a small female
child who looks winsome rather than fraught (bodes no good --
not small winsome children in a skiffy movie)." [RIB]
YOUR MAILING LABEL EXPLAINED. T.Kevin Atherton speaks for
you all: "I write to thank you for happy little ANSIBLE and to
reaffirm my unwillingness to give you so much as a penny of my
hard-earned money even if you were to claim you were going to
use it to ship grain to Ethiopia. Rather than give in to such
`sub overdue' taunts as you might fling in my direction, I
have decided to respond in kind. Please note that your
subscription for the enclosed CRI DE LOON is so fucking
overdue that when your name passes through our computer an
enormous brass gong is walloped on every floor of the LOON
building and the beepers implanted in the flesh of our roving
employees wail like air-raid sirens and heat 'til they glow
like fresh-poured ingots of lead. Please send your check
(cheque) or money order (munny ordur) with blinding speed or
prepare your soul to receive a whole matched series of puling
`sub overdue' notices written in coloured inks that pass with
each new letter through the entire spectrum beginning with
violet. So there and take THAT!" [TKA] Quite.
THE END.
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 47, 1986: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit
of history. Addresses may have changed (the editor's postal
address hasn't, but ignore old e-mail addresses), prices and
agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 47 NOVEMBER 1986 ISSN 0265-9816
More from jaded DAVE LANGFORD, 94 LONDON ROAD, READING,
BERKSHIRE, RG1 5AU, UK. Postal rates have soared by a
staggering 1p, but 5 issues of ANSIBLE still cost #2: cheques
or money orders to ANSIBLE, Girobank transfer to account 24
475 4403. Or $3.50 to US agents Mary & Bill Burns (23
Kensington Court, Hempstead, NY 11550); or $4A to Aussie agent
Irwin (For GUFF) Hirsh, 2/416 Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield,
Vic 3161. Subscriptions for fewer issues are also welcome, if
you can handle the intricate mathematics involved: 40p for
one, etc. Phone: Reading (0734) 665804 (talk loudly).
Cartoons: ATom.
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HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS, INCORPORATING ANSIBLE
Last issue's absence of a Language Lesson plunged half fandom
into war. Hazel had to burrow to the street through a mound of
outraged letters whose size endangered the flight path of
Concorde; I was compelled to subsidize the postman's new
truss. Oh yes, the SF priorities of our readership are all too
evident.... John Brunner was first to the rescue, with wisdom
from a classic Chinese dictionary:
WAN: a small mouth. Some say a large mouth.
T'HAN: to pretend to look near whilst cherishing distant
views.
CH'HUEN KEIH SEANG KWEI: to bore a hole in the wall and
peep at each other.
CHEN: to stand still. To gallop at full speed.
PEE: a dog under the table. A dog with short legs. A
short headed dog.
MANG: a species of bird with one eye and one wing, two of
which when joined together are able to fly.
KHEIH IAOU: various tribes of barbarians unacquainted
with marriage and knocking out the teeth.
WANG JEN: to side with anybody or everybody.
CHEN is the interesting one: Hazel remembers a Coptic word
meaning "Go" or alternatively "Stop", and a Paul Jennings
essay cites a Greek look-alike: (1) move quickly; (2) sit.
ME
My own personal lukewarm news takes a load off my mind and at
last provides an answer for the millions of fans awaiting the
publication and remaindering of that putative SF novel
WILDERNESS OF MIRRORS. I've scrapped it. The reasons are all
too complicated, the results quite gratifying -- your editor
can once again write other SF without feeling guilty, and was
quick to bash out a story for what was to be called THE ORION
ANTHOLOGY or thereabouts.
(This, edited by Rob Holdstock and Chris Evans, is a
"British SF showcase" collection to appear as an Orion [Unwin]
paperback just in time for Conspiracy '87. Its latest title is
OTHER EDENS, contributors besides the editors being Aldiss,
Charnock, Garnett, Kilworth, Harrison [MJ], Lamming, Langford,
Lee, Moorcock, Roberts [K], Tuttle and Watson. "Er, we mean
British-RESIDENT SF," the editors hastily added.)
Instead of nobly following up with an October ANSIBLE, I
went on a holiday which looks set to inspire several
metafictions about shifting perception. When you visit
Snowdonia in company with Martin & Katie Hoare, the surface
reality of mountains and sheep begins to fade, revealing
instead the hidden webs of REALALESPACE. Yes, the flickering
communications pulsing beneath our society follow high-tech
networks constrained only by the shortest routes between pub
and pub. The hell with Gibson and Sterling: realalepunk SF is
going to be the cutting edge of the future, portraying as it
does the deadly interface between humankind and chemical
transcendence. I have seen the future and it HIC!
(During odd sober moments of the holiday I read -- as a
respite from too much terrible SF for review -- Kingsley
Amis's THE OLD DEVILS. "Bloody hell, this is good!" was my
measured opinion, and sure enough, within weeks, the novel won
the Booker Prize. It's nice to know one has influence.)
Meanwhile, historically minded readers may have expected
a change of direction or editor after ANSIBLE 46. It was at
that ominous number that weary Peter Roberts stopped doing
ANSIBLE's predecessor CHECKPOINT, passing control to new
editors (until issue 74, but that's another story). Item:
ANSIBLE, exhaustingly, now has more than five times the old
circulation of CHECKPOINT (not to mention several times the
wordage). Item: Your editor is medically advised that each
time he types a COA- or award nominations list, millions of
his brain cells die. Item: There's something tempting about
the half-century mark and/or the epochal period from one
British worldcon (ANSIBLE first appeared at Seacon '79) to
the next. Tentative conclusion: I wouldn't subscribe beyond
issue 50 if I were you.
MILFORD 1986, OR
15 CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF A VOLUME CONTROL FOR NEIL GAIMAN
PAUL BARNETT WAS THERE:
There is more room in heaven for a flannel nightcap than
for a silver codpiece.
Arriving some three hours before anyone else, I discovered for
myself what metropolitan Milford-on-Sea thought about this
annual invasion of skiffy writers. I strolled idly down to the
seafront and into a cafe for an ice-cream. There the fifteen-
year-old server and her fifteen-year-old hangers-on fell about
laughing throughout the entire transaction. After a quick
check -- yup, them flies wuz closed -- I danced away in glee:
there were soon going to be fifteen other buggers just as
hilarious as me.
Of course I don't believe it -- I simply embrace it
fervently.
Various catchwords and phrases emerged at Milford, not all of
which are easily comprehended by the amateur. Here is a brief
glossary:
CRAWLING TESTICLES: Term introduced by Alex Stewart in a
short story. Describes feelings of male participants when
their story is being discussed.
SPUNG! Dignified Heinleinian term for the reaction of the
female nipple to sexual stimulation. This word was used
whenever there was a conversational silence.
UNTENABLE: Term used by US cyberpunk (qv.) writer Bruce
Sterling to describe stories either (a) not cyberpunk or (b)
not written by Bruce Sterling.
CYBERPUNK: Skiffy written by persons concerned with
invasive technology -- the gadgets that Definitely Will Invade
Your Body. Dildoes deliberately excluded, even if coked up.
Derivatives produced during the event included SCIFYBERPUNK
and the much more digestible LOWFIBREPUNK.
MIRROR SHADES: Adopted as the uniform of cyberpunks
(qv.).
MAZOLA PARTY: Term describing orgies so unstimulating
that the participants have to use Mazola cooking oil to
lubricate the parts that Heineken can't reach. According to
Bruce Sterling (qqv.) such parties are engaged in by famous
golden-age skiffy writers at worldcons. Your correspondent
waved a block of cheapskate lard but got no takers.
CONTABESCENT: A cold aerosol spray used in farming to
wither the unwanted tumescences of billy-goats. (To think! --
Call My Bluff used to be a clean game.)
CUTTING EDGE: Term used by Bruce Sterling (qqqv.) to
describe cyberpunk (qv.). Cyberpunk is the cutting edge of
skiffy. Us Brits are producing the frayed trailing edge. A
stuffy rebuttal of this thesis by Neil Gaiman concluded: "We
don't give a fuck. And you can't make us."
BAR PIXIES: The mystical elementals responsible for the
fact that only 57 pints were recorded at the bar during the
sinking of an 80-pint barrel. The "missing" 23 pints were
generally assumed to be those thrown away by topers who,
although eager, regarded a fistful of evil-smelling foam as
undrinkable. (THIS ONE WILL RUN AND RUN....)
You cannot kill a man with a poem. You cannot rule a
nation with a sonnet. I will keep my guns, sir, and you
may keep your verses.
All stories brought to Milford were generally peed upon, the
only exception being Garry Kilworth's "Blood Orange", which
was peed upon by a militant few because it was too perfect.
Gwyneth Jones, using occasionally subtle trajectories, peed
upon every story in sight on the basis that she hadn't written
it, and was then astonished when her own incomprehensible
piece vanished under a flood of urine. Bruce Sterling, whose
mission was to persuade the Brits to take up the True Quill
(ie., cyberpunk) peed upon all stories until the moment his
own was discussed; thereafter, having discovered what it was
like, he mellowed. Diana Wynne Jones and Judy Blish, two very
nice people, desperately tried to find something nice to say
about EVERYTHING -- a difficult task, seeing as my story was
one of those under consideration.
The battlefield is the place for blunders, not the
cricket pitch.
Ah yes, my story. At 4750 words it was widely regarded as too
long. What will they say of the 90,000-word EARTHDOOM!, I
wonder. Too introspective?
Bear-baiting, sir? 'Tis not for me
Unless the beast a maiden be.
Various putative projects raised their heads during Milford.
NOW WE ARE SICK, edited by Neil Gaiman and Steve Jones, is to
be an anthology of revolting verse for kids; surprisingly,
money is being talked. David Barrett is soliciting
contributions for a hypothetical series of short-shorts to
appear in COMPUTER WEEKLY; if this goes ahead the results will
(or possibly will not) be collected to form a book. Neil
Gaiman and your correspondent agreed to press famous Rupert
Metcalf to allow us to try and flog a "Best of KNAVE Fiction"
anthology: watch this space. It was generally agreed, too,
that an anthology of sex skiffy was needed, and everyone
except Gwyneth Jones and Bruce Sterling agreed to contribute.
Alex Stewart was elected editor but doesn't fucking well want
unsolicited submissions. "I'll get piles," he confessed in an
unguarded moment, "of masturbatory fantasies from all those
teenage wankers who read ANSIBLE." The title of this editorial
masterpiece currently wavers between the elegant SPUNG! and
the catchy SAUCY SCIENCE WONDER STORIES. Who knows? Maybe some
sucker of a publisher will buy the damn' thing.
Chief of men? He is a chief of murderers. But I will piss
upon his grave -- I and a thousand others.
Chairman Colin Greenland -- Uncle Colin With His Merry Games
for Boys and Girls -- led the evening sessions. Fifteen of us
had heady fun while Mary Gentle had a cold. Games included:
(a) Call My Bluff (hence "contabescent"); (b) a variation on
Consequences introduced by Diana Wynne Jones, which led to
unparallelled filthiness (rhyming couplets: "Ships that pass
in the night/Are particularly hard on ducks"; "While we're all
playing with silly rhymes/Dave and Mary are having a real good
time [SPUNG]), and (c) a version of Call My Bluff in which the
OXFORD DICTIONARY OF QUOTATIONS was used. In this last the
"host" gave the name and dates of an epigrammatist and the
flock had to supply possible quotes from same. Hence the pithy
epigrams cited herein -- and hence a competition! The first
person correctly to identify the authors of the quotes listed
here will get a FREE copy of John Grant's exquisite SEX
SECRETS OF ANCIENT ATLANTIS. The runner-up will get a signed
one. You Too Can Be A Lucky Winner.
'Tis the good Lord's will that a rabbit goes well in a
crust with onions.
During the week, Rachel Pollack got the news that a new book
of hers had been sold to Thorsons. Your correspondent heard
that a new Langford/Grant collaboration had been taken by
Grafton. Neil Gaiman sold a piece to TODAY on Fantasycon,
which summed up a ten-minute interview with nubile pouting
authoress Lisa Tuttle in a single quote: "Fantasycon is just
like a great big party." Oh how pleased she was.
Hast thou heard, my little boy/Of famous Humphrey Davy?
He put the sodium in our salt/And argon in our gravy.
Your correspondent and Paul Kincaid together won five games in
a row of doubles pool on the last night, baffling all
challengers. It was then agreed that they should play a
singles game -- a Duel of the Giants. The following morning,
Kincaid refused to remember who had won.... [PB]
[Published authors wishing to join next year's literary
fun (and not already on Milford's mailing list) should
ingratiate themselves with the current Chair: Paul
Kincaid, 114 Guildhall St, Folkestone, Kent, CT20 1ES.]
EPISTOLARY FICTIONS IN THE GOTHIC OR POST-GOTHIC MODE
GREG BEAR: "Ellen Datlow passed on your issue 46, containing a
letter from Marise Morland-Chapman, who does not know me. I am
very fond of Hal Clement, and of his work, but I don't
remember reading a story by him called `Star, Bright' and I
can't find it in reprint anthologies I have immediate access
to. Where did it appear? (Harry's novel `Star Light' is not
even close.)
"`Tangents' is deliberately similar (because I love them
dearly) to half the stories in the Clifton Fadiman math
fantasy anthologies, in the second of which, THE MATHEMATICAL
MAGPIE, there is a story by Mark Clifton called `Star, Bright'
(1952). Is this the story, misremembered? I've re-read it,
and other than touching on children and the fourth dimension,
it bears no resemblance to `Tangents', certainly not in plot
or treatment. Both stories have a passing similarity to
Padgett's `Mimsy Were the Borogoves', even earlier. I have
deliberately ripped off ideas in Rudy Rucker's THE FOURTH
DIMENSION, but Rudy does not seem displeased; indeed, he's
putting together a new anthology of math stories and is
including `Tangents', although, as he says (I paraphrase),
`Boy, you really did steal a lot from me, didn't you?'
"In short, Ms.Morland-Chapman, when I steal from someone,
I let them know about it, and my charm is such that they
immediately offer to reprint me.
"Thank you for the support for BLOOD MUSIC. I'm really a
very sweet guy, and hate lawyers and legal complications; I
will not sue Ms.Morland-Chapman.
"By the way, by the time this letter sees print, I will
be a father myself, and I will try to teach our child to see
into the fourth dimension. Progress reports will follow. If my
letters no longer carry stamps or postmarks...."
[A letter from Marise M-C, which I have brilliantly lost,
conveyed that the Clifton story was indeed the one. She
is apologetic about this mistake, but not apparently
about anything else. So it goes. DRL]
BARRY BAYLEY: "I promised to send you a note about Doubleday's
constipated attitude towards reversion.... In April 1985 I --
through my agent -- made a formal request to them for
reversion of THE SOUL OF THE ROBOT, published in 1974 and long
out of print, after Doubleday had turned down its sequel THE
ROD OF LIGHT. They at first promised to revert or arrange to
reissue within six months -- until someone looked at the
contract and saw that Dumbo Bayley had allowed himself to get
stuck with reversion `by mutual agreement' -- virtually not a
reversion clause at all. Doubleday then began to shilly-
shally and to plead the lengthiness and difficulty of the
reversion process. To date -- a year and a half after request
-- the successive efforts of two agencies have come to nought.
If there are any other authors as dim as me (which I doubt) I
urge them not to be lazy over this clause...."
AHRVID ENGHOLM: "The Scandinavian SF Association
(Sweden's BSFA) was mentioned in the Swedish daily AFTONBLADET
(second biggest evening paper here, with 500,000 readers) in a
2-page article about space/UFO clubs. SF activity was
described as just another kind of UFOlogy. Quote: different
space organizations have hard ideological fights amongst each
other. The SF people think the UFOlogists crazy when they see
green men everywhere. The UFOlogists think SF is for dreamers
-- while THEY do something practical and useful...." [Now you
know.]
MARCUS ROWLAND: "The Irish games mag FANTASY CHRONICLES
has begun to pay contributors. The money is OK, though
apparently all future payments will be in Irish punts....
Although it looks a bit naff at present, the editors seem
fairly certain that they can make it to at least issue 8-10
(the next will be 4), and say they intend a lot of
improvements, like a Brian Lumley special issue (yet another
one). All of their fiction to date has been uniformly
lousy.... By the way, Nick [Lowe, in A46] is wrong to say that
it's only post-modernist authors who manifest the plot
directly. One of the 1930s Saint stories (I forget which) has
the hero saying something like `You can't kill us yet, this is
only page 96 -- it would wreck everything if I got killed in
the first story!'"
[Marcus has been busy introducing himself (overtly) into
a plot in the role of God, as prescribed by Nick. His
enthusiasm was somewhat dimmed by the discovery of the
same ploy in a Lin Carter epic: it is not always cheering
to find one's imagination runs precisely parallel to Lin
Carter's. For the Saint book, try THE HOLY TERROR, 1932.
My favourite such line comes from the car chase in Edmund
Crispin's 1946 THE MOVING TOYSHOP: "Let's go left...
After all, Gollancz is publishing this book."]
U.E: "Do any of your tens of thousands of readers know of
any publisher who would be interested in a pornographic F/F
gamebook (and no, the F/F does not stand for Fighting Fantasy
but something more relevant)? Also (but more respectable this
time) a publisher for an educational gamebook, about the
dangers of drug abuse...."
[Funny you should mention it: a filthy gamebook was one
of several million ideas propounded by Langford and
Barnett when trying to extract lucrative contracts from a
kindly editor. This editor was not keen, since although
the proposal was of course brilliant, hilarious, etc., he
had his doubts about gamebooks in general: a bandwagon
market, he opined, as with home computer books just a few
years back, liable to fall apart under the sheer weight
of new hopefuls leaping aboard. So much for my own
experience: I flogged a short version to MAYFAIR and Paul
did ditto to KNAVE, and there the matter rests in post-
coital apathy.]
C.O.A.
HARRY ANDRUSCHAK, PO Box 1422, Arcadia, CA 91006, USA :: KEN
BROWN, c/o 110 Chester Tce, Brighton, Sussex :: STEVE BULL, 1
Scotland Close, Chesterton, Cambridge, CB4 1QH :: ALLYN
CADOGAN, c/o K.Mosgofian, 1320 E.Cotati Ave (216), Rohnert
Park, CA 94928, USA :: MICHAEL COBLEY, 18 Athole Gdns,
Hillhead, Glasgow, G12 :: JONATHAN COLECLOUGH, 29 Gordon
House, Tarves Way, Greenwich, London, SE10 9QR :: MARK CRASKE,
14 Pembroke, Hanworth, Bracknell, Berks, RG12 4RD :: STEVE
DAVIES, 18 Pell St, Reading, Berks, RG1 2NZ :: ALAN & ROCHELLE
DOREY, 16 Ambleside Close, Walton-le-Dale, Preston, Lancs, PR5
4RS :: DAVE ELLIS, Mount Royal (Top Left Flat), 26a Chapelwell
St, Saltcoats, Ayrshire, KA21 5EA :: MIKE HAMILTON, Flat E11,
University College, Senghennydd House, Salisbury Road,
Cardiff, CF1 1UJ :: JULIAN HEADLONG, 39 Jacobs Walk, Liden,
Swindon, Wilts, SN3 6JA :: TERESA HEHIR, 1a Aylesham Way,
Yately, Camberley, Surrey, GU17 7NR :: KEN JOSENHANS (also
ANNE LAURIE LOGAN), PO Box 6610, East Lansing, MI 48823, USA
:: LEIGH KENNEDY, 2 Alma Place, Marlborough, Wilts, SN8 1AF ::
MIKE LEWIS, 5 Princes Ave, Muswell Hill, London, N10 3LS ::
PAUL MASON, 11 Waller Rd, New Cross, London, SE14 5LE :: MIKE
& DEBBY MOIR, No.2 Bungalow, Mill Lane, Ockham, nr Ripley,
Surrey (supposedly temporary, but no update as yet) :: KIM
NEWMAN, 3 Barnard Hill, London, N10 2HB :: VIC NORRIS, 4
Tiverton Close, Oadby Grange, Leicester :: EUNICE PEARSON &
PHILL PROBERT, 20 Birch Tce, Birtley, Co.Durham, DH3 1TL ("We
now have a lovely daughter," Eunice boasts. "Elizabeth Ivy
Leah Probert was born on August 11.") :: DAI PRICE, 18 Cresta
Ct, Hanger Lane, Ealing, London, W5 3DE :: NIGEL RICHARDSON,
91 Mexfield Rd, Putney, London, SW.15 :: BOB [fake] SHAW, 12
Longfield Place, Saltcoats, Ayrshire, KA21 6DE :: ASHLEY
WATKINS & ANNE WILSON, 287 Hamlet Ct Rd, Westcliff-on-Sea,
Essex, SS0 7DD :: ROB WELBOURN, 46 High St, Meldreth, Royston,
Herts, SG8 6JU :: D.WEST (forgot this last time), 87 Bradford
St, Keighley, W. Yorks, BD21 3ED :: KEVIN & SUE WILLIAMS, 42
Sturges Rd, Wokingham, Berkshire, RG11 2HE ::
13TH FRENCH NATIONAL SF CONVENTION (LILLE, 3-7 SEPT 86)
IAN WATSON REPORTS:
This was the best run French con for years, with the
organizers pulling out all the stops of efficiency and
hospitality, and even going without their own meals at times
to labour harder -- missing out on meals is a pretty
remarkable sacrifice in France! Already there's talk of Lille
becoming the new Metz, now that the annual Metz festival has
bitten the dust, assisted a bit by Ray Bradbury. Indeed the
con was so efficient that the GoH speeches of Watson and
Brunner were already printed, in French and English, and in
the hands of the audiences. Fortunately most listeners hadn't
had time to read them, so the speakers were able to orate
afresh. Programme items included panels on French and British
SF, book signings, exhibitions, prize givings, municipal
champagne and lots of visits to restaurants, the most
memorable of which involved sitting in the street eating
bushels of mussels. (Tip: use one empty mussel as a chopstick-
cum-scoop to empty all the others.)
The con coincided with Lille's annual city-wide rummage
sale called the Braderie, when anyone can sell anything tax
free -- hundreds of streets for miles on end were choked with
half of France and Belgium selling Land Rovers, antiques,
African carvings, food, jewellery, clothes, books, paintings,
junk, rubbish, broken china, old postcards.... Just a couple
of miles from the old city (where the con happened) was the
very strange "Site de l'Imaginaire", described as a sort of
French Disneyland. Superficially it seemed to be a warehouse
cum arts lab down a back lane, offering spatio-temporal
voyages, which most visitors assumed would be a dadaist
joke... until you started in, somewhere underground
apparently, on an alien world very convincingly like the
planet where "Alien" gets discovered. The alienness was very
persuasive. If you're in Lille, go there: 12 Rue de Doceur
Rouz, 59650 Villeneuve D'Ascq. I think you have to book a
group tour.
Another memorable moment was the convention's pet rat
wandering up and down the restaurant tables, a charming and
polite animal that would only take food when offered. Numerous
wonderful French writers, illustrators and translators
attended, and there was a presentation for what will be one of
THE cons of next year: Comecon Montpellier 87 (28-31 May),
held in the southern city of Montpellier, which has declared
itself a city of the future and is thus supporting the con to
the hilt. (Contact: "Science-Fictions", Comecon, 112 avenue de
Toulouse, 34100 Montpellier, France.) Try it out -- and if
Lille runs another con, head there too; Lille's close, and
the Belgian (and northern French) beer is beautiful.
One star of Lille was Kim Stanley Robinson, there from
Switzerland with amiable Lisa Nowell (who's working for the
Swiss Gov as a water pollution chemist for a couple of years,
which is how Stan's in Switzerland). A radical-thinking
American writer! Delightful chap too; only just being
published in France, but at the rate he's picking up French
and using it, he should soon be the American writer for the
French. Sadly he had to miss out on the mussels to take part
in a baseball game with local Swiss devotees.... [IW]
SKIFFY PEOPLE
LEIGH KENNEDY has just been mugged and robbed during a visit
to Madrid, and rescued from dishwashing only by the heroic
mercy dash of CHRIS PRIEST.... BRIAN STABLEFORD (engaged for
some months to JANE, whose surname I have yet to catch) left
Unicon in mild disorder, baffled by the apparent hostility of
GoH TANITH LEE ("I've only reviewed her once and it was
favourable").... DAVID BRIN, winner of the John W.Campbell
Memorial Award for his THE POSTMAN, will be in Britain for a
year and has already been winning hearts by explaining to
politically naive British fans (like CHRIS PRIEST) just why we
need lots and lots of US nuclear bases here.... IAN WATSON has
been cited in the NEW SCIENTIST letter column, his THE GARDENS
OF DELIGHT allegedly showing a better grasp of evolutionary
theory than one recent NS article.... CHARLES PLATT, with
permission, is writing the sequel to Piers Anthony's CHTHON
and PHTHOR, called SPASM. Sorry -- PLASM. His enthusiasm for
publicizing the latest Platt best-seller (HOW TO BE A HAPPY
CAT, ill. Gray Jolliffe) includes volunteering to dress in a
giant cat suit and guzzle Kattomeat if it'll help sell
copies.... DAVID GARNETT is proud, or not, of writing "the
Christmas sex story which is to appear in the next issue of
MAYFAIR, with hero and heroine called Hugo and Nebula"....
HARLAN ELLISON has married SUSAN TOTH, writes D.M.SHERWOOD
(living in Swansea, he hears all this kind of thing)....
VINCENT OMNIAVERITAS, visiting Britain to attend Milford under
a transparent cyberpunk pseudonym, published one hit-and-run
issue of his SF broadsheet CHEAP TRUTH: this features a guest
polemic on the need for an "SF Writers of Great Britain"
organization, written by an alleged Brit who thinks "critical
mass" and "shrapnel" go nicely in the same metaphor.
Investigation continues....
A North London mole writes: "Contrary to a report in
LOCUS that he had been crushed by a filing cabinet, horror
writer ROBERT FAULCON is still alive, kicking and working on
the outline of a new occult series. All six NIGHT HUNTER books
are being published in the US by Berkley in both trade and
mass paperback. The sixth volume, THE LABYRINTH, will be
published by Century Hutchinson in March 1987, together with a
reissue in two volumes of the previous books. Faulcon is
allowing the pseudonym `Robert Holdstock' to appear on this
sixth and final volume. All six books are very popular in
Norway, but with titles like ONDSKAPANS NATT, MORKETS
FYRSTINNE and GRAVENS FORBANNELSE, this is hardly surprising."
TED WHITE, as you may have heard, was busted some months
ago for dealing in herbal substances. After a "farewell
appearance" at the Worldcon (which brought some strange
support from the woodwork, eg. Jerry Pournelle begging to know
how he could help), Ted was sentenced to 30 years -- or
rather, 3 concurrent 10-year stretches -- but with 9 of each
suspended. He should in fact be out in January; meanwhile, the
address is "Theodore White, A5, Fairfax County Adult Detention
Center, 10520 Judicial Drive, Fairfax, VA 22030, USA".
Personal letters are OK; no fanzines; no books unless mailed
directly from the publisher. Patrick & Teresa Nielsen Hayden
are acting as agents (as it were) for the White Letters From
Prison, which may or may not become the fannish DE PROFUNDIS.
The first begins with the most damning thing the prosecution
found to say about him: "This man has a sixties mentality."
R.I.P.
MARJORIE BRUNNER died on 5 August aged 65, having been ill
throughout the summer after a stroke in April. Fandom loses
one of its more unforgettable characters. John Brunner plans
to hold a commemorative "Marjorie's Last Birthday Party".
ROB GREGG, a relatively new fan best known as an
enthusiastic letter-writer, died on 29 September after a long
illness. His sister asks you all to stop sending fanzines.
Author ROBERT F.YOUNG (some of whose short stories helped
hook me on less-than-hard SF) died on 22 June aged 71. [SFC]
REX WARNER of THE AERODROME fame died on 24 June aged 81.
And last issue I forgot to mention JORGE LUIS BORGES, the
biggest shock about whose death at 86 was to learn from the
obituaries that he never received a Nobel Prize. Good grief.
One correction: the autopsy on ROG GILBERT finally decided on
a heart attack as cause of death.
CONDOM
NOVACON 16: too late now for thrilling advance coverage, but I
have a longish letter from Chairman Tony Berry (as well as
dark intimations from Rog Peyton) concerning my frightful
gaffe of recording in A46 what many fans were saying. Tony's
chief point: it was essential, both as general policy and to
placate a suspicious and paranoid hotel, to take a hard line
RE "the tossers who did the damage and behaved like morons" at
Novacon 15. Agreed. The trouble was that the uncompromising
stuff ("In all these cases the committee will back the
hotel.") was by an error of judgement extended to cover normal
fannish naughtiness such as sneaking in bottles for a room
party... hence the disaffected muttering. "I know full well
that people will do the things mentioned above, and it's fine
by me as long as they are DISCREET about it," noted Tony, a
truly wonderful human being (see DRL cowed by Peytonian
threats of overwhelming COFF victory) who unfortunately
failed to convey this subtext in PR1. Hotels are traditionally
soothed by an unobtrusive note about corkage and the like. It
would have been wise to clearly separate such lesser matters
from the Heavy Warning which WAS seriously meant. OK?
"STAR WARS: SF DIMENSIONS" (North East London Poly Conf.
Centre, 15 Nov): Duncan Lunan chairs an SF Foundation debate
on SDI, with for-and-against arguments plus skiffy aspects.
#10 att, inc. elevenses, lunch, tea. NELP, Longbridge Rd,
Dagenham, Essex, RM8 2AS, more info Ellis Hillman on 01 590
7722 x4181. With D.Brin, F.Lyall, A.Nimmo, N.Turok, G.Webb.
CONCEPTION (Queen's Hotel, Leeds, 13-15 Feb): still #6 to
12 Fearnville Tce, Oakwood, Leeds, LS8 3DU.
CORFLU 4 (Cincinnati area, 3-5 April): Bill Bowers is
running the latest of these popular US "cons for fanzine
fans". Cheques, or checks, to him (not "Corflu"): $5.25 supp
$25.25 att, 2468 Harrison Ave, Cincinnati, OH 45211, USA.
BECCON '87 (Metropole/NEC, Birmingham, 17-21 April): FGoH
(joint) Chris Atkinson & Malcolm Edwards. PR2 should be out by
now. Hotel: #17.50/person double/twin, #18.50 single. #6
supp #11 att; 191 The Heights, Northolt, Middlesex, UB5 4BU.
SOL III (Liverpool, 1-4 May, Trekthing): info from 39
Dersingham Ave, London, E12 5QF.
CONNOTE8 aka Unicon 8 (New Hall, Cambridge, 3-5 July):
GoH Geraldine Harris. #4 supp #8 att, to Connote8, Trinity
College, Cambridge, CB2 1TQ.
CONSPIRACY '87 (Brighton, 27 Aug-1 Sept, Worldcon)
develops a longer guest-list every day: the latest is Ray
Harryhausen, the Jerky Stop-Motion GoH. #10 supp #25 att to PO
Box 43, Cambridge, CB1 3JJ. PR2 now out.
CYMRUCON (Central Hotel, Cardiff, now Feb 1988) has been
oscillating somewhat, reports D.M.Sherwood. "Hotel is asking
for money up front (guess why) -- several alternatives have
fallen through. It'll almost certainly have to have a new name
as the cancelled 1985 one left debts, as in DEBTS, including
an unknown number of advance memberships (the old chairman,
NOT on the new committee, has misplaced the records. If people
still have receipts for payment MAYBE something can be done as
to membership in the new con...). Contact man is Tony
McCarthy, 28 Claude Rd, Cardiff, tel Cardiff 493590."
FOLLYCON '88 (Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool) is one bid for
the 1988 UK Eastercon. #1 pre-supporting to 104 Pretoria Road,
Patchway, Bristol, BS12 SP2.
NORWESCON '88 (unspecified hotel, Manchester) is the
other bid, from the Warrington Group. #2 (such is inflation)
pre- supp to 22 Summerfield Drive, Middleton, Lancs, M24 2WW.
ALBACON '88 (?Central Hotel, Glasgow, July) -- started as
a Eurocon bid but is supposed to be going ahead (info: 105
Craigton Rd, Govan, Glasgow, G51 3RQ), though Eurocon turned
out to be:
EUROCON '88 (Budapest, date uncertain): info Hungarian SF
Soc, PO Box 514, H-1374 Budapest 5, Hungary. The selection is
apparently a bit controversial, thanks to disastrous
communications within the European SF Society (see SHARDS OF
BABEL, which also notes that Poland is after Eurocon 1990):
for a start, after '86 in Zagreb, Eurocon should theoretically
be rotating to the west....
NOLACON II (New Orleans, 1-5 September 1988, Worldcon):
GoH Donald Wollheim, FGoH Roger (who he?) Simms, Toaster Mike
Resnick. $30 supp $35 att to PO Box 8010, New Orleans,
Louisiana 70192, USA.
NOREASCON III (Sheraton-Boston Hotel, 31 Aug-4 Sept 1989,
Worldcon), GoH to follow. $20 supp $40 att to PO Box 46, MIT
Branch Office, Cambridge, MA 02139, USA.
HOLLAND IN 1990 (The Hague, Worldcon bid): ANSIBLE is
still keen on this, having been thoroughly intimidated by the
clever clogs of Larry van der Putte. #3.50/$5 pre-supp;
Postbus 95370, 2509 CJ The Hague, Netherlands.
FOOTNOTE FOR THE CONFUSED: "Supp" means supporting (you
get the literature only) and "att" attending membership (you
can go to the con too). Cheques should be made out to the
boldfaced con name (Cymrucon might be an exception: check
first). "GoH" stands for Generator of Hackwork, and the F in
"FGoH" is for "Failed". OK?
WOOSTERGRAM
THOMAS DISCH has been in the news quite a bit lately. Not only
did he reveal to the WASHINGTON POST that the model for "The
Brave Little Toaster" WAS IN FACT the toaster in his
apartment, but he granted a fifty-page interview to LAST WAVE
in which he cast vile accusations at the works of Jack L.
Chalker. Disch charged that Chalker's books were designed to
corrupt children: "he writes books that are sort of training
grounds for nine and ten year olds to move on to Gor novels.
They're preliminary S&M fantasies. You go on from reading Jack
Chalker to being more thoroughly corrupted by a John Norman
and THEN go on to rape children." Disch did not give specific
examples.
ARTHUR C.CLARKE unravelled his mind in the pages of
PLAYBOY, and quite a mind it was. He revealed that the
monolith of 2001/2010 was nothing more than a plot coupon: "I
like to think of the monolith as a sort of cosmic Swiss army
knife -- it does whatever it WANTS to do." Clarke sidestepped
disgusting charges about his sexual preferences, except to
note that, in his eyes, both IMPERIAL EARTH and RENDEZVOUS
WITH RAMA were homosexually-oriented novels, and that he has a
"relaxed sympathetic attitude" towards bisexuality. "I'm not
just a private citizen any more," Clarke said. "I have to keep
certain standards, or at least pretend to, so that I don't
shock too many people."
PETER DICKINSON became the first British fantasist ever
to become the hero of an American cartoon when his THE FLIGHT
OF DRAGONS was adapted by the same crew that had previously
turned Tolkien into cartoon fodder. The film was so bad that
it was shown three years after it was made, but there was a
perverse thrill in hearing James Earl Jones, who played the
villain, saying "Peter Dickinson! That contemptible fool!" in
his best Darth Vader tones. (Dickinson was played by John
Ritter. The show also featured characters from Gordon
Dickson's THE DRAGON AND THE GEORGE.) [Martin Morse Wooster]
ALL THE NEWS YOU'VE READ ELSEWHERE
After 46 issues there are still people who expect ANSIBLE to
contain news, however boring, familiar or outdated, and we
must try to indulge their pathetic delusion. Thus:
HUGOS: NOVEL ENDER'S GAME (Card), NOVELLA "24 Views of Mt
Guji, by Hokusai" (Zelazny), NOVELETTE "Paladin of the Lost
Hour" (Ellison), SHORT "Fermi and Frost" (Pohl), NONFICTION
SCIENCE MADE STUPID (Weller), DRAMATIC BACK TO THE FUTURE (but
much applause for BRAZIL), PRO EDITOR Judy-Lynn del Rey
(refused on her behalf by Lester del Rey, via a letter whose
gist was that she was not keen on awards given chiefly for
having died, and wouldn't have fancied this belated accolade,
seeing the voters had never thought her worthy when alive. In
the audience, a deeply impressed Greg Pickersgill cried
"Fucking integrity!" -- this remark bowdlerized in certain
reports...), PRO ARTIST Michael Whelan (who withdrew from the
1987 Hugo race but not others to follow), FAN ARTIST Joan
Hanke-Woods, SEMIPROZINE LOCUS, FANZINE LAN'S LANTERN
(interesting statistic: "No Award" dominated the first count,
only to fall back during the Australian-ballot elimination
system and wind up in second place), FANWRITER Mike Glyer,
JOHN W CAMPBELL AWARD (not a Hugo) Melissa Scott.
AUSTRALIAN SF REVIEW has risen from its grave and is now
published bimonthly: solid SF criticism in the heavyish
FOUNDATION mode, leavened with a bit more fun: "The Long Words
objectors are just blatantly lengthist. ASFR defies them,
rejecting their prejudice. Where a long word works better than
a short one, nobody scares us out of using it." #5 for six
issues, to sesquipedalian UK agent Joseph Nicholas, 22 Denbigh
St, Pimlico, London, SW1V 2ER.
WORLD FANTASY AWARDS will have been presented by the time
most of you see this, so I'll merely mention the nominations
for best novel: THE DAMNATION GAME (Barker), ILLYWHACKER
(Carey), THE DREAM YEARS (Goldstein), WINTERKING (Hazel), THE
VAMPIRE LESTAT (Rice), SONG OF KALI (Simmons). Brits will be
chauvinistically pleased that Peter Dickinson's "Flight" is
nominated in the Novella category, and both Clive Barker and
Angela Carter under "Collection/Anthology".
EDUARD MARKOV is a Soviet SF author and fan who wants to
move to the West but since 1979 has been denied permission on
trivial grounds. He's asked for help, and the flyer going the
rounds suggests that you write (urging the USSR to relent) to
Leonid Zamyatin, Ambassador, Soviet Embassy, 18 Kensington
Palace Gardens, London, W.8. For the flyer with further
suggestions, contact Dov Rigal, 68 Eden Rd, London, E17 9JY.
BRITISH FANTASY AWARDS presented at Fantasycon XI went
to: NOVEL THE CEREMONIES (Klein) -- couldn't finish it,
myself; SHORT "The Forbidden" (Barker), SMALL PRESS FANTASY
TALES, FILM A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, ARTIST J.K.Potter.
LES FLOOD has retired and passed the reins of the mighty
Carnell Literary Agency to PAMELA BUCKMASTER: the retirement
occasioned a special Fantasycon award and a presentation at
the SF Supper Club.
TRANSATLANTIC CULTURAL BARRIERS! Dennis Virzi published
an "Open Letter to British Fandom" in TEXAS SF INQUIRER,
begging to be told more about the grim alien land ("Are you
Britfen as murky, downbeat and gloomy as your SF?") he means
to visit next year. Some people got quite excited about his
queries, and Kate Solomon (a disciple of Gerard "Try the
famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room!" Hoffnung)
wrote a long "Open Reply". Space and concern for international
detente forbid full transcription, but here's the Solomonic
response to Dennis's worried query "FEMMEFANS. What's the
scoop? ...Will there be enough to go around?"
"Judging by the lingo, old chap, this is one you should
address to the frogs. But if you're interested in meeting
(etc.) BRITISH ladies, try to remember that your formidable
knowledge of meeting (etc.) American women may not guarantee
such good fortune with us British Memsahibs, despite our
boundless admiration for you Stallone-like American hunks. No
need to worry about supplies, though; there are certainly
`enough to go round': indeed, every machofan in this country
possesses several `Memsahibfen', so if you ask him nicely he
might lend or sell one of us to you for the night. However, if
you're serious about extending your conquests to this side of
the Atlantic, you must study and understand certain cultural
differences between your American women and ourselves, before
attempting seduction. Most importantly, you must realize that
namby-pamby radical feminism hasn't yet achieved the
strangehold on British ladies that it has on your own American
harpies. So yes, Mr Virzi, you ARE expected to pay for meals.
Also drinks, taxis, tips and entrance fees for any sightseeing
you may do together. [...] Many British ladies have a soft
spot for you hunky Texan Rambos, so provided you can prove
yourself to be truly masculine, you should have no problems.
Most of us female fans, however, are lesbians (NOT `gay' --
British ladies never adopt such uncouth labels), so you should
be discreet before attempting any kind of advance. It's
understood that British Memsahibfen who are so inclined wear
spectacles, so direct your flowers and chocolates at those of
us who don't. For an easy mnemonic, remember that `Boys Don't
Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses', and you should get on
beautifully." [Kate Solomon]
Mr Virzi (last seen poised to marry TSFE editor Pat
Mueller) is reported to have withdrawn this particular query.
INFINITELY IMPROBABLE
PAST CONS: I dimly remember KOANCON over August Bank Holiday,
a games event which successfully tried to shift from the
"Compulsory D&D Tournament" approach to something more
relaxed, not to say newted: to increase the soddenness there
were GoH talks from Pete Tamlyn and, inexplicably, me. Hadn't
realized my SF column in WHITE DWARF made me a Representative
Of The Industry... like being Maggie Thatcher's rep at a CND
rally. The fannish RUBICON overlapped, but we arrived in time
to try not to hear resurrected fan Ken Potter bellowing about
astrology, while fastidious Julian Headlong (suave founder of
Club Class Fandom) spoke tremulously of sharing a room with
D.M. Sherwood ("I could cope with finding Ken Potter and bits
of corned beef on the floor, and even the cold baked beans in
the bath; but when I found beans in the toothglass I had to
vomit...."). SHEEPCON, already alluded to, had as its high
spot a Welsh Banquet in a historical cottage up a blasted
mountainside. Climbing the granite-strewn grass-track from
Ffestiniog, Katie Hoare was momentarily less proud of her
open-topped car, thanks to thickening twilight and torrential
rain: in the car ahead, Martin kept having to get out and open
gates, leading to outbursts of wifely compassion ("God, I'm so
glad he's getting wet too!"). Our wine-soaked return was more
exhilarating, with sheep clogging the track and being
dislodged only by stentorian cries of "Mint sauce!"
SPINAL MANIPULATIONS: I've been idly staring at the
spines of Gollancz's eight "Classic SF" reissues. Each has a
tasteful logo comprising the quoted phrase in a triangle...
but one logo is extra-large, coincidentally adorning the only
British selection to date (Clarke's THE CITY AND THE STARS).
Can we theorize that American authors get smaller logos? Well,
one logo is EXTRA-small -- on WOLFBANE, the only choice which
has TWO American authors....
LANGUAGE LESSONS: Malcolm Hodkin rushes to relieve the
shortage with "another precision-turned, durable and cost-
effective word from the Germans (guaranteed for five years
against rust, Americanisms, misspelling and body odour):
"ANSATZ, m. ear, lug, projection (anode), deposit,
incrustation, sediment, attachment, added piece,
shoulder, insertion, ingredient, mixture, scaffold (of a
blast furnace), recess, mouthpiece, start, formula,
expression, formulation, statement, charge, obstruction,
extension, prolongation, tail, run (in series of parallel
experiments), side arm or appendage (of a bulb or tube),
adapter (phot.), relation, loss, nipple, setting into
action, sending into battle, estimate, evaluation, rate,
price, quotation, wing, root, bulge, sortie, assumption,
disposition, arrangement, article, method...." [enough!]
NIGEL FRITH, REANIMATOR! Unwin author Frith got a letter
into the LITERARY REVIEW, making "a claim which might be
investigated by your critical or followed by your authorial
readers." It concerns his epic fantasies: "obviously the work
of more than a decade of research and experiment. They have
been completed in isolation from the modern literary world,
and I am aware that they reverse the processes of 19th and
20th century artistic fashions.... I have re-established the
Homeric epic as a living form... a new way for literature to
develop has consequently been opened." Don't all rush, now.
NOVACON TRENDS: Steve Green notes that Novacon 15's chair
(Phill Probert) resigned during the convention, N16's first
chair (Martin Tudor) resigned after the formation of the
committee, and N17's putative chair (Maureen Porter) has
outdone them both by resigning BEFORE the committee was
finalized. Anyone wishing to carry it further by resigning in
advance from the Novacon 18 chair should write to the Bureau
of Useless Statistics, Birmingham....
SMALL PRESS CUTTINGS: Kerosina have come out with SHADES
OF DARKNESS, a ghostly 144pp novel by Richard Cowper (and
winner of a coveted Malcolm Edwards Rejection Note from RC's
usual publisher): #10.95 hardback from Plovers Barrow, School
Road, Nomansland, Salisbury, Wilts, SP5 2BY. A Keith Roberts
novel, GRAINNE, follows next Easter.... In Sweden, LFP
(Laissez Faire Press) offer FANDOM HARVEST, a 191pp hardback
collection of Terry Carr's fanwriting -- enjoyable stuff
despite the misprints, well produced and illustrated (by Grant
Canfield). To get hold of it, send $16, plus say $2 postage,
to John-Henri Holmberg at LFP, Rasundvagen 129, 171 30 Solna,
Sweden. (My pleas for a sterling price were in vain.)
FAN FUNDS: The GUFF race (bring an Australian to
Conspiracy) is in full thing: Valma Brown, Irwin Hirsh and
Jean Weber are the candidates, and fans at this end of the
world should rush their ballots and #1 voting fees to Eve
Harvey, 43 Harrow Road, Carshalton, Surrey, SM5 3QH, by 31
January. ANSIBLE is divided: the Hazel's Language Lessons Dept
supports Valma, doubtless hoping for samples of authentic
Strine, while the Subscription/Mailing Dept cannot but respond
to Irwin's heartfelt plea ("Support me or I lose all the
Aussie copies."). Meanwhile Tim Jones of New Zealand offers
himself as a write-in candidate.... DUFF is also back on the
road, with candidates Lucy Huntzinger, Kathy Sanders,
Laurraine Tutihasi and Tom Whitmore contending for the trip
from America to Australia next year. There's no UK
administrator: the closest are Marty & Robbie Cantor, 11565
Archwood, N.Hollywood, CA 91606, USA. $2 voting fee, 31 Dec
deadline.... SEFF wants nominations for the lucky Swede to be
brought to Conspiracy next year -- administrators are Jim
Barker and 1986 winner Maths Claesson (c/o Bjorck, Saltmatarg
14, 113 59 Stockholm, Sweden).... COFF, the Concrete Overcoat
Fan Fund, will cease at Novacon 16 after its final sense-
shattering presentation: "The fix is in!" said an unnamed
administrator with many a significant nudge and wink.... TAFF
has gained a further candidate, Bob Lichtman: ballots should
be out soon, and voting will continue until 14 March. More in
our next.
PUZZLE CORNER. Which VECTOR editor slagged a "Witch
World" book thus in 1974: "I never get on with ANY of [Andre]
Norton's books, which I find turgid in the extreme"? Which
Gollancz editor is launching a new paperback imprint beginning
with THREE Andre Norton epics, two of them from the "Witch
World" series? Could they be related?
THE MORAL: So much (last para) for your typical ANSIBLE
twitting. It does not follow that the apparent contradiction
(in fact one needn't LIKE a book to think it a sound
investment) brands Malcolm as a wicked hypocrite. He might
even have changed his mind. Nevertheless there is a pissy
school of fannish thought which favoured us with a great deal
of such logic in 1984-5, and is now at it again. (It was no
good my asking to be removed from Puerto Rican mailing lists
-- the crap still comes, via Cincinnati.) Maybe the new
target, Greg Pickersgill, is indeed a despicable exemplar of
hypocrisy, criticizing TAFF in 1981 and winning it in 1986. It
depends whether you accept the hypothesis, so useful when
scoring cheap debating points, that there can never be any
non-reprehensible reason for changing your mind.
BARYCZ MEDIATES AGAIN: "My imaginary polish-viking
grandmother once told me there were three trades it was very
hard to go bust in: they were midwifery, cookery and
undertaking. A few years ago she added a fourth: having
producer's gross points in STARS WARS. Gary Kurtz had them and
has now ended up with assets of #100 and liabilities of #3.3M.
The reasons are simple enough -- a Californian divorce which
involved him paying off his wife's debts, a small matter of
$5M from her publishing company; she screwed him for what was
left and he made DARK CRYSTAL and RETURN TO OZ, neither of
which set fire to cinema screens around the world. An impulse
to set up something on the lines of Kurtz Aid comes now and
then....
"A suspicion that Ballard's EMPIRE OF THE SUN has been
thrown into the Hollywood equivalent of a black hole, VIZ it
is talked of as a Steven Spielberg project. Since Stevie, if
one believes all the stories, is booked dead solid to 2870 AD
with other projects, is this a polite way of saying the film
is not likely to be made at all? Ho hum.
"The ubiquitous Empire Films are busy with something
called ROBOJOX, script by Joe Haldeman, all about these huge
robotic war machines that can transform to fight on land, in
air, on and in the sea etc., fighting nations' wars by proxy.
Espionage and romance also to be thrown in and Kenner Toys to
do the merchandising with yet another bleeding line of
transforming robots...." [RIB]
LICENCE TO PRINT... LA-CON/SCIFI has donated $2000 to buy
a photocopier for Vince Clarke's UK fanzine library project!
GREAT MOMENTS IN HARD SF (or, The R.L.Fanthorpe Plot
Device Is Not Dead). Context: a slothful doomsday weapon must
fire away for 150 YEARS to make Earth uninhabitable. Now read
on, as one astute villain sees a potential difficulty:
"`...What if you turn on the W-particle flow and then
someone else turns it down in the course of the next fifteen
decades?'
"`Not possible, sir. Once the device is set, an internal
atomic shift will freeze it in that position. After that, the
process is irreversible....'" [I.Asimov, ROBOTS AND EMPIRE]
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: ADVANCED WELSH
tacsi public conveyance
bws larger public conveyance
cwrs golff place of recreation
clwb snwcer smaller place of recreation
ANSIBLE 47: 94 London Road, Reading, UK, RG1 5AU
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 48, 1987: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit of
history. Addresses may have changed (though the editor's hasn't),
prices and agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 48 FEBRUARY 1987 ISSN 0265-9816
Reasons For Publishing Your Belated Fanzine, No.48 (collect the
set!): Greg Pickersgill tactfully intimates that sending out TAFF
ballots before the deadline is on the whole less trouble than
having broken bottles ground into your kidneys. Craven DAVE
LANGFORD, cowering as ever at 94 LONDON ROAD, READING, BERKSHIRE,
RG1 5AU, UK, has decided not to argue. Indecision about life
after issue 50 still prevails: you take your solvency in your
hands if you send #2 and hope for 5 issues (pro-rata for fewer).
Cheques/money orders to ANSIBLE, Girobank transfer to account 24
475 4403. Or $3.50 to US agents Mary & Bill Burns (23 Kensington
Court, Hempstead, NY 11550); or $4A to Aussie agent Irwin (Famous
GUFF Winner) Hirsh, 2/416 Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield, Vic
3161. Phone: Reading (0734) 665804 and shout. Art: Dan Steffan
(without), Alexis Gilliland (within). Print run 600. Bloody hell.
=============================================================
### LONDON FANDOM MEETS ITS WATERLOO ###
The inertia of fandom is a strange and wondrous thing. For years,
on the first Thursday of each month, fannish pilgrims have
travelled from the remote boundaries of known space to their
ritual London meeting-place the One Tun pub... there to spend an
merry social evening complaining about the bloody awful crowd and
the emetic beer, in terms suggesting that by comparison the Black
Hole of Calcutta was an oasis of airy tranquillity. A select few
pros (screened for ideological correctness by Malcolm Edwards)
withdrew to the nearby Sir Christopher Hatton. A select many
simply stayed home rather than face the Tun.
This steady decline was arrested by the decisive action of no
less a 100% macho man than the One Tun's manager, who in January
blew his top at scenes of sick depravity (reportedly, Oscar
Dalgleish with an arm round his boyfriend) and banned the
offenders. Suddenly it was solidarity time; outraged petitions
were circulated; and February's meeting was definitely
rescheduled for the Cittie of York in Holborn. Or the Wellington
near Waterloo, depending whose definite information you listened
to. If I'd known it was that easy to trigger the long-overdue
move, I'd have kissed Greg Pickersgill years ago.
The February Tun (as people kept calling it, followed by "YOU
know what I mean.") was thus a bit scattered. The Wellington
sounded most promising, but I made the mistake of following
detailed route directions from Avedon Carol: "Right opposite
Waterloo station." In the darkness of a winter evening it's
remarkable how many hundreds of square miles of London turn out
to be opposite Waterloo....
Situation reports and fans trickled into the vastness of the
Wellington. The Cittie of York contingent was suffering severe
and familiar overcrowding. Hitch-Hiker fandom had apparently
cried with one voice "Good riddance," and adopted the Tun for its
own. A few stakhanovites like Martin Easterbrook touched base at
all three locations, spreading pro-Wellington propaganda with a
will. Your editor had already allowed himself to be swayed, as
it were, by the beer -- not to mention the luxury of being able
to breathe in without a prior written request to surrounding
fans. Everyone seemed happy: the Wellington it is, henceforth.
(From the Tube, aim for the WATERLOO ROAD station exit, following
OLD VIC signs. Verb. sap.) This has been a Public Service
Announcement, couched in Lofty Moral Tones. Pass it on.
### ME AND H.G.WELLS AND THE CONTINUUM ###
[Novacon 16 Speech: Chris Evans]
You may not know this, but I'm here as a stand-in for H.G. Wells.
Originally the Novacon committee wanted him to be their Guest of
Honour: you can imagine what a coup it would have been. But
someone pointed out that he doesn't like travelling these days,
in common with a few other well-known SF writers. Isaac Asimov
hates planes, Ray Bradbury has a habit of missing boats, and
Robert Heinlein, so I'm told, once demanded that his fare to the
UK be paid in pints of blood. Wells has none of these particular
problems, but he's had a long career and his old bones are a bit
stiff these days. So, reluctantly, the invitation was never made,
and you're stuck with me instead.
Actually Wells and I have a lot in common as writers.
Neither of us has ever won a Hugo or Nebula (or even been
nominated for one), we're not members of SFWA, we don't subscribe
to LOCUS, and Harlan Ellison hasn't waxed eloquent about us in
any of his DANGEROUS VISIONS anthologies. Like me, Wells hasn't
(as far as I know) ever visited Mongolia or met L.Ron Hubbard.
Certainly neither of us has read BATTLEFIELD EARTH. On the more
positive side, if Wells is a household name, then so am I -- the
household in my case being Flat 2, 191 Anerley Road, Penge.
Of course there are differences between us, I have to admit.
Wells was a genius in his way, and became internationally known,
his books read by millions. I, by contrast, am not a genius in
any way I can think of -- and believe me, I've tried -- while my
books are known only to a few. You wouldn't call them a select
few, either, if you knew them as well as I do. I'd guess that
a lot of you here have never read a word of my stuff: and fair
enough. There are lots of other books jostling for your
attention, and the three novels I've published under my own name
since 1980 have hardly been huge successes.
The first, CAPELLA'S GOLDEN EYES, was greeted politely enough
by reviewers, and the word "promising", while not actually being
bandied about, certainly hung in the air... as it almost always
does with first novels. The reception was sufficiently favourable
to convince me that I'd done the right thing in giving up my job
to write full-time. If only I'd known.
In those days I was a particularly slow and painstaking
writer. I'd begun a new novel by the time CAPELLA appeared, but
it was taking time to write and my money was rapidly running out.
With the aid of a generous sponsor, I managed to get an Arts
Council grant which let me finish the book at my own luxurious
pace. This was THE INSIDER, which actually got some good reviews
when it appeared in hardback in 1981. But a year or so later the
paperback was pulped soon after publication, thanks to a
warehouse move. (Though I've always had a sneaking suspicion that
Rog Peyton bombarded the publishers with hate-mail about the
book's lousy cover so that they withdrew it out of shame.) By
then I was again embarked on a new novel, and again running out
of money, and this time there was no grant to bail me out.
My third novel, IN LIMBO, took three years to write, mainly
because I had to keep breaking off to do other, more commercial
stuff -- things like novelizations -- in order to pay the bills.
My idealistic vision of bursting on the scene in a blaze of glory
had faded in the face of harsh economic facts. IN LIMBO would
have been a better novel if I'd been able to write it in a
shorter, more concentrated period, but even so I poured
everything I had into the book, and it's me doing my best. When
it appeared as a paperback original in 1985, the title proved
prophetic. It promptly vanished, after a total of two reviews in
the non-specialist press. (One, a short paragraph in the DUBLIN
SUNDAY INDEPENDENT, was little more than a plot pre'cis. A
slightly longer and more condescending piece in the YORKSHIRE
ARTS BULLETIN concluded that my last few pages "contain a
foreseeably eidotropic denouement". I still haven't got a clue
what this means.)
So much for three years' work... or that's the way I felt.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not bitter about any of this. Well, not
exactly. IN LIMBO wasn't written as a commercial book, and the
audience for it was bound to be small. But there's a certain
sense of anticlimax in seeing three years' work greeted by almost
total lack of response. Some writers can get by without feedback;
their faith in their abilities needs no support. Not me. I need
to know whether my stuff is registering in any way. (I'm even
prepared to accept minor criticisms, provided they're served up
with lavish dollops of praise.) Of course the books survive, for
readers interested in seeking them out: but how many will be,
when they don't even know of their existence?
Back in 1980, things looked rosier. I had vague plans of doing
a novel every couple of years and writing short stories in
between. I would concentrate on high quality work, in hope of
building up a loyal readership. I didn't want fame, just a fair
measure of acknowledgement for my efforts, and enough money for
survival.... Instead, since finishing IN LIMBO in 1983 I haven't
written anything I would regard as ambitious work (bar a few
shorts). I simply can't afford to.
Thus I'm in a state of quiet despair about my work -- the work
I'm not doing. Formula novels and novelizations pay the bills but
don't satisfy the soul. You could argue that if I was really
devoted to High Art, I'd sacrifice everything in pursuit of it;
and you could be right. But I've always worked best when I've had
emotional and financial peace of mind, and I know plenty of other
writers who feel the same.
Recently someone was talking about a "Missing Generation" of
British SF writers: a kind of post-New Wave generation who should
have emerged in the late 70s and early 80s. In a sense this
actually existed, and I was a typical example -- at least in that
I exemplify What Went Wrong with the whole generation. (I don't
in fact believe in any of this generation stuff, but let's use
the label for now.) Around 1980 a few people talked about a
"Faber Group", meaning Rob Holdstock, Garry Kilworth and myself -
- all of whom published first SF novels with Faber circa 1976-
1980 -- and of course Chris Priest, who was presumably our
mentor, being already established at Faber with a solid
reputation.
Now this idea of groups is topical in the light of the current
notion of "cyberpunk", which writers like Bruce Sterling and
magazines like INTERZONE are doing their best to promote. The
Faber Group theory -- a much more modest affair -- wasn't
unreasonable in principle. Besides the dubious distinction of
being published in what was then the only prestige hardback SF
line apart from Gollancz, Chris, Rob, Garry and myself were all
close friends who shared similar feelings about writing. Three
of us even had the same literary agents. But we reacted to the
Faber Group idea with cringing horror. None of us wanted to be
lumped into any sort of group, because this implies a shared
identity; and each of us was very jealous of the individuality
of his writing.
Happily the notion never caught on -- partly thanks to Faber,
who soon stopped publishing SF so that we went our separate ways:
Chris to Jonathan Cape, Rob and Garry to Gollancz, and myself
relegated to the sloughs of original paperbacks. Equally
important was the fact that we did absolutely nothing to
encourage the idea of such a group. And in the end it's always
a writer's work which speaks louder than critical
generalizations:
Chris Priest went on to novels like THE AFFIRMATION and THE
GLAMOUR, which owe very little to genre SF. Rob Holdstock
discovered his perfect imaginative vehicle in a distinctive brand
of fantasy typified by MYTHAGO WOOD. Garry Kilworth has been
moving steadily away from SF, his latest novel WITCHWATER COUNTRY
being a kind of pastoral with macabre overtones. And me? If
CAPELLA was a fairly conventional SF novel, THE INSIDER was
borderline, and IN LIMBO not SF at all.
So there's a sense in which all four of us have "deserted" SF
-- if you perceive SF as something whose traditions new writers
should be committed to and should cherish and enlarge through
their own work.
I can't speak for the others, but my move away from SF came
about partly because of technical problems encountered in writing
CAPELLA'S GOLDEN EYES, and more importantly because SF in the
early 80s seemed increasingly bland and complacent -- in addition
to its perennial problem that so little of it is truly adult.
Every time I came up with an SF idea, it struck me as either
ridiculous or impossible to do justice to in a fresh, exciting
way. I felt as stale as the stuff I was reading... and envied
Wells the fact that when writing his scientific romances he'd
never read AMAZING or ASIMOV'S or any of the endless streams of
SF pouring from British and American presses over the last thirty
years. I kept trying to clear my head of all the genre clutter
in the hope of finding a completely fresh approach. However, I
don't have any aptitude for "new ideas" in the science-fictional
sense, and not surprisingly I failed in my aim. The result was
silence.
Elsewhere I've argued against thinking in categories and
seeing SF as separate from the rest of literature, so these
attitudes might seem strange. Why try to work in a tradition that
you don't really feel exists? Well, one of the attractions of the
field is that it encourages a community spirit, very alluring to
the isolated writer trying to plough his lonely furrow in the
field of literature. And the fiction itself presents a constant
challenge to the ambitious writer precisely because so much of
it is badly done.
Thus I've been veering back towards SF just lately, though I'm
not promising anything radical or dynamic, and certainly nothing
that's meant to represent a rallying call for the field. Perish
the thought. I'm all for diversity, for individuals writing about
what obsesses them. My only provisos are vague and woolly ones
about being serious and dedicated and not short-changing
readers... though like many hard-pressed freelancers I haven't
always lived up to these aims. Being serious, by the way, doesn't
mean you can't have fun, and being dedicated doesn't mean you
can't be entertaining: they simply mean that the fun and
entertainment will be of a higher order.
Such wishy-washy liberal attitudes are in stark contrast to
so-called cyberpunk, whose writers (to judge by public
pronouncements) are keen to promote themselves as a new breed,
devoted to producing a new breed of SF, AND DOING SO WITH A
SHARED IDEOLOGY. To my mind, this is suspect. Of course the idea
of a new movement suits the spirit of the times; it's a good
talking point; a good polemic always provides useful publicity;
and for INTERZONE it's seemingly the radical cause which the
magazine has been seeking ever since it started publication. Does
cyberpunk actually exist, however?
The idea finds its most fluent and persuasive advocate in
Bruce Sterling, who under his own name and that of Vincent
Omniaveritas has produced some stimulating critiques of the genre
and what needs to be done about it. He has a prospectus for
modern SF, which he wishes to be carried out not only by himself
but by others who are like-minded. He doesn't call it cyberpunk
in public, though he has been known to mention the word in
private. He talks of SF as pop culture, and of the need to create
a native literature of the post-industrial society:
technologically literate, global in its world-view, and (while
well-written) above all about ideas.
Actually I think most of his notions are sound, though
somewhat narrow. I've never been able to agree with critics who
argue that only SF can deal with the modern epoch, or even that
it has a monopoly on sense of wonder. This smacks of inverted
snobbery -- wanting to turn the ugly duckling of literature into
a swan which can look down its beak at everything else. ALL
really good writing fires the imagination, and you don't have to
have SF trappings in a novel or story to show the impact of
modern technology on humankind. The best novel I've read in the
last six months is Martin Amis's MONEY, a determinedly unpleasant
book which directly addresses the modern condition in the Western
world -- though probably not in a way that SF snobs would like.
But let's not quibble. At least Sterling/Omniaveritas is
stirring things up: SF has been needing a good kick in the pants
for years. Yet if the cyberpunks are taking over in the USA, we
seem to be lagging behind here. When Sterling recently visited
Britain and attended the yearly Milford writers' conference, I
gather he expressed some disappointment at the lack of exciting
new British SF. Where were our cyberpunks? Nowhere to be found.
Unfortunately there's really no such thing as cyberpunk in the
US either, if what's meant is a concerted movement of writers
working along the same radical lines. When Omniaveritas describes
the new SF he wants to see, it's unsurprising to find him wanting
precisely the kind of SF that Bruce Sterling writes. Writers'
polemics, as Chris Priest has pointed out, are almost always
autobiographical.
Three names commonly mentioned as cyberpunks are Rudy Rucker,
William Gibson and Sterling himself. Rucker's been around since
1978 and has proved himself a very inventive writer though
slapdash and throwaway in presentation. Gibson made a big impact
with NEUROMANCER, it's true, and he's the writer most people
think of when cyberpunk is mentioned. Sterling published his
first novel in 1977, and his latest, SCHISMATRIX, has been well
received. But if you compare two novels like NEUROMANCER and
SCHISMATRIX you'll find they couldn't be more different. The
first is an SF thriller, heavily influenced by the cinema; the
second owes more to the visionary impetus and traditional
narrative style of Arthur C.Clarke and even Olaf Stapledon. Where
Gibson is deft and punchy, brilliant at bringing individual
scenes alive, Sterling shows less stylistic flair but is far more
radical in his ideas. NEUROMANCER is all about glittering
surfaces, SCHISMATRIX about awesome depths. (In fact Gibson's
work, with its hi-tech gadgetry/jargon and its near future
redolent of entropy and drug abuse, strikes me as rather like the
old New Wave with brass knobs on.)
But now I'm being bitchy, and I don't mean to be, because I
think both writers are talented: their reputations deserve to
grow. The point is that marshalling them under one banner is
misleading. I also think it significant that Gibson, the most
prominent "cyberpunk", is said to be unhappy with the term, even
if content to let it be used as a flag of convenience. John
Shirley is another writer who's been attached to the "group", and
in a recent INTERZONE interview we discover that "Shirley is most
often associated with cyberpunk or punk SF, terms he initially
despised, but has now come to accept".
This smacks to me of a bandwagon. "Hey, did you hear people
have started calling us cyberpunks? I don't know what the hell
it means, but it sounds good, so let's go along with it for the
ride." And as a label, it's undoubtedly better than something
like the Angry Young Science Fiction Men.
So again, let's not quibble. At least all these writers are
passionately committed to SF; they identify themselves with it
and are eager to see a new breed of it emerging. So why isn't the
revolution also stirring here in Britain?
Put simply, I think it's because we have a fundamentally
different attitude towards SF. It's always been more marginal
here, at least in a genre sense, with writers tending to work
much more as individuals and not generally feeling as if they're
adding to some distinct corpus of literature with a real social
position. They remain resistant to SF's community spirit, some
of them writing it almost by accident and not seeing it as a
special kind of literature at all. Such writers convey a strong
flavour of their native country and attitudes. Richard Cowper,
D.G.Compton, Keith Roberts and Chris Priest are among those who
are happier closer to home. Their work is often firmly rooted in
British landscapes, in internal rather than external experience,
the tone meditative and restrained rather than brash and action-
oriented. Almost they seem to be fastidiously declaring their
uninterest in competing with the scale and swagger of American
SF.
Of course there are exceptions aplenty. Some British writers
make an effort to satisfy genre expectations (and the need to
earn a living) by angling their material towards the American
market. One could mention Bob Shaw and John Brunner here. Others,
like Eric Frank Russell, became more American than the Americans
themselves, while a few like Arthur C. Clarke have always been
internationalists. Brian Aldiss has long practised what he
preaches when arguing for less parochialism in British SF, for
it to take on the grander themes and wider horizons beloved of
Americans. Even that arch-individual J.G.Ballard has claimed that
SF is the most important literature of our time and implies, with
and without irony, that it should possess some kind of missionary
zeal. Similarly, Ian Watson has argued the case for taking SF out
of literature and using it as "a tool to help us think". Many of
Ian's arguments, first elaborated ten years ago, foreshadow
strongly what writers like Sterling are saying today.
One interesting thing about Aldiss, Ballard and Watson is that
all three have spent significant periods living overseas in
exotic places, Aldiss in the Far East, Ballard in China, Watson
in Japan and East Africa. (Compare Sterling's years in India, and
Clarke's in Sri Lanka.) Obviously the experience of culture shock
can bring later commitment to SF as a vital medium with global
rather than nationalistic perspectives.
Looking at SF in the large, it can be argued that the American
product is as parochial or as nationalistic in subtle ways as
anything produced here, but I'm concentrating on the more serious
kinds of SF. Ambitious US writers have tended to range far more
widely in setting and theme than their British counterparts, a
reflection of differing national characters. We Brits are as a
national more insular, lacking the frequent open-mindedness of
Americans, their generosity, their sense of scale and scope.
We're more obsessed with private concerns. If it was Wells who
created the template for modern SF, then it's American writers
and editors who created the genre and took its wide-eyed view of
the universe to their hearts.
Why there and not here? Well, the USA is the most techno-
logically advanced nation on Earth, with new ideas and life-
styles impinging most rapidly on people there. Is it any wonder
that SF, custom-built to deal with the impact of social and
technological change, found its ideal home there?
But there's more to it than that. A country's literature is
profoundly influenced by its geography and history. Sim-
plistically, America remains a big open place with plenty of
wilderness where presumably it's still possible to feel something
of the pioneer spirit. The "log cabin" syndrome still survives:
a feeling that it really is possible to go out into the wilds and
set up home, against all the odds. Nowadays, of course, it's
easier to do this by the power of the pen or word processor
rather than the six-gun. Instead of building a real log cabin,
create a paper spaceship which can fly you to the other end of
the universe... and there you can really show your pioneering
spirit.
Here in Britain we're a bit disdainful of that sort of thing.
There's no wilderness here to speak of, and certainly no
pioneering spirit. If we have a particular historical syndrome
dominating our present literature, it's the "End of Empire"
theme. America has yet to experience this, apart from a small
echo of it following the withdrawal from Viet Nam: it'll be
interesting to see what happens to their SF when American
political and economic power does finally begin to wane. (Though
perhaps none of us will be around to see it.) It also occurs to
me that the echo of Viet Nam already has begun to influence
American SF: Sterling's call for a more global outlook reflects
a new humility in the realization that the USA cannot really
expect to dominate the planet for ever and ever.
Meanwhile, on this tight little isle, we're still churning out
stuff about the British in India. SF hasn't escaped the "end of
empire" syndrome, either: almost every well-known British SF
writer has done a disaster novel of some description, or one
whose background shows Britain invaded or slowly falling apart.
Off the top of my head I can think of Wyndham -- obviously --
Aldiss, Ballard, Christopher, Cowper, Roberts, Priest.... Even
Orwell and Amis have had a go. And yes, I've done one myself with
THE INSIDER.
Such books appeal to the masochistic side of the British
character, but unless they have something else to offer, American
editors tend to greet them with as much enthusiasm as if you'd
dropped a long-dead kipper in their laps. I've never managed to
sell THE INSIDER in the US, though I did get it published in
Germany, a country with a historical tradition more similar to
our own.
"Too British" is the common American verdict on "British
gloom", as if this were explanation enough. Many of us here have
a love-hate relationship with the American SF market, as
represented by its editors. We want to write our own stuff, but
we're very conscious that without American sales we're going to
struggle financially.
All these factors -- historical, geographical, economic --
combine to make British SF a marginal affair, and that's why I
think it's unlikely that a distinct "British movement" committed
to SF will ever emerge. (The original NEW WORLDS "new wave" was
actually an ANTI-SF movement in many ways, and even then American
writers like Disch and Sladek were always heavily involved.) What
tradition exists here tends to be one of UK writers doing their
own thing against the odds, or making efforts to give their
material a transatlantic flavour. We haven't the market potential
to support a home-grown SF industry which could exist without
reference to the US product... the notion doesn't even enter
heads except as a vague occasional yearning.
I don't want to sound too gloomy. (Think of our continental
cousins in France, Germany, the Netherlands and so on, who have
an even bigger problem: overcoming the hegemony of the English
language.) New SF writers ARE emerging here and finding success
on both sides of the Atlantic: Mary Gentle is a recentish
example. Feminist SF also seems vigorous in Britain and America,
and it's still an area with a lot of potential. Perhaps John
Clute is also on to something when he writes in INTERZONE than
Brian Aldiss's Helliconia books have "established for British SF
in the 1980s an adult model for writing large-scale epic
narrative".
There are certainly signs that British SF is becoming a bit
more cosmopolitan, more prepared to tackle a larger canvas.
Gwyneth Jones travels widely in her SF; Garry Kilworth and Ian
Watson have been taking us to exotic little corners of the globe
for years. And I've heard rumours that Iain Banks is writing
something akin to space opera....
Overall, I still find myself unable to sort out my feelings on
SF. I veer between enthusiasm and despair. In a sense, every SF
writer in the world is labouring in the shadow of H.G.Wells. None
has achieved his mastery of the form, his originality and
invention. Of course Wells had the advantage when he was writing
that practically the whole field was there for the making. And
make it he did.
I don't know whether modern SF will be able to solve the
problem that the longer it goes on, the harder it is to find
something fresh to write about. In these moods I'm a kindred
spirit with Lee Montgomerie, who muses (again in INTERZONE):
"Sometimes I think time is wearing out for SF, locked in a
desperate energy crisis. So much of its conceptual fuel has
already been burned up, exhausted, reprocessed into advertising,
comic books, claptrap movies and video games.... Sometimes I
think SF is already dead, long since expired from cognitive
anaemia in the early flush of youth, and that the literature we
have now is just its ghost, endlessly and pointlessly revisiting
its old haunts, saying nothing."
All too often I have similar feelings; but the optimism
doggedly endemic to the field strikes back. Maybe we've simply
yet to discover -- as Aldiss and Wingrove suggest in TRILLION
YEAR SPREE -- new metaphors to embody the ideas of modern science
in fiction. Or maybe SF has simply emerged at last from a playful
childhood where everything seems new and wonderful, into a
belated adulthood which entails returning to its roots to
confront all its myths and dreams with a new maturity.
Prognostications about SF's future have tended to be gloomy ever
since I started reading SF criticism, yet still it lumbers on in
its promiscuous, punch-drunk way. Even lost sheep keep coming
back into the fold.
Fired by the feeling that British SF HAS been in the doldrums
of late, Rob Holdstock and I recently took up an idea of David
Garnett's for doing an anthology of new British short stories,
published to coincide with Conspiracy. The result is called OTHER
EDENS -- out from Unwin next August.
Now if I were Harlan Ellison, I'd be telling you that this is
a revolutionary, state-of-the-art anthology the like of which
you've never seen, which shows British SF as vital and alive and
radical and innovatory and altogether incredible and
unbelievable. But with typical British restraint I'll simply say
that Rob and I think it's a good solid collection of stories
which coincidentally tends to support my view that British SF is
very much a collection of individuals who, left to their own
devices, write stories not quite like anyone else's at all. And
if that seems like a modest claim -- I disagree. It's the most
radical thing of all.
This speech has gone on far too long in my opinion, and
probably yours as well. I've been generalizing wildly in places;
you can probably think of lots of examples to disprove what I've
been saying. (I can think of a few myself.) All my musings and
misgivings about "cyberpunk" could be regarded as jealousy that
I was never part of a vigorous, thrusting new group with dynamic
ideas. My complaints about American editors could be seen as sour
grapes growing from the feeling that my own stuff's been
neglected. Or I could just be indulging in my own bit of polemic
as an aid to self-publicity. It's all part of the game, isn't it?
I'm off now to see H.G.Wells. We have a few things to talk
about, though mostly he does the talking and I listen. But I've
got some bad news for him: Rog Peyton thinks his covers are
lousy. Still, he's in good company on that score. [CE]
### COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT: LETTERS ###
UNSIGNED (Glasgow postmark): "LANGFORD! We, the 10th of October
Scottish Committee for the Furtherance of Cyberpunk
(OctoberAlbaCyberpunk), are shocked and disgusted at the scum-
baggish treatment meted out to Bruce Sterling within the pages
of your pustulant, despicable, libellous, nose-dredging excuse
for a fanzine! Sterling is an artistic writer of considerable --
nay, consummate skill, and to mention his name or any of his
works in your purulent, grotty, shoddy, meretricious feuilleton
indicates a staggering presumption on your part! Let it be known
that our OctoberAlbaCyberpunk minions are everywhere, monitoring
your every move and recording your every utterance and typed
letter by the use of ultra-sophisticated hardware totally alien
to the feeble mind-sets of limp flaccid Home-Counties-SF writers
such as yourself! Our intent is to compile a dossier of your
terrifying and nauseating pastimes and release it to Fandom
worldwide. Never again will you be able to hold your head high
in convention bars -- indeed, your only solace will be that found
in the snore-hung darkness of post-midnight film programmes. We
dare you to print this letter and thus avoid the even more
horrifying retributions we have in store!
"WIDGIE ROTUND BOLIVAR (ON BEHALF OF COMMITTEE)."
[I wasn't so terrified as to miss the American spelling
"libelous" in the original of this. H'mm.... DRL]
DAVE COLLINS: "Terry Broome & I are collecting money within
fandom to be donated to charity in memory of Rob Gregg. Closing
date is 30 April; cheques should be made out to me." [21 Exleigh
Close, Bitterne, Southampton, SO2 5FB]
ALEXIS GILLILAND: "On [my novel] WIZENBEAK, the third payment
from Bluejay, due three months after publication, was not
forthcoming. At the Atlanta Worldcon Jim Frenkel bought me lunch
and said it would be mailed out in a week or two. The end of the
month I called him three times, and when the calls weren't
returned I sent a letter saying that if I wasn't paid by Oct 31,
the contract was void and the rights reverted to me. October
rolled by. On the 31st, I called and asked the person answering
the phone to return the MS for the sequel which had been in
submission since mid-May.... At WSFA's fifth Friday party that
very evening, Jack Chalker told me that Bluejay was going down
the tubes. It figures. I'm about 70,000 words into volume 3 of
the trilogy, and should finish it up this month [November]. When
I do, I can try to market all three as a package, WIZENBEAK
(rights having reverted), THE SHADOW SHAIA (which Frenkel liked
but never offered a contract for) and THE LORD OF THE TROLL-BATS.
How did we ever get so far ahead of the publisher, finishing book
3 before he made the third payment on book 1?"
[Andrew Stephenson later reported that Frenkel had given up
publishing and switched to packaging. DRL]
### CONDOM ###
NOVACON 16 (long gone, snows of yesteryear, this is the kind of
news ANSIBLE prefers) definitely happened. From a smoking trail
of charred synapses I reconstruct: On arrival at the De Vere
Hotel, Coventry, we were personally met by Chairman Tony Berry
Himself, merry as a funeral bell: "Hello. It's not very good so
far. The bar's pretty nasty, I'm afraid...." To inject
spontaneity, the committee had neglected to brief speakers and
panellists on when the printed programme said they'd be appearing
("Bloody hell", quipped Terry Pratchett, arriving late Friday
evening to find his panel was already supposed to have happened)
or, in extreme cases, that they were appearing at all (I got a
letter two days beforehand, asking me to run a panel. Instantly
I rang to say "No, I hate running panels, I'm lousy at it, Brian
Burgess could do better than me," etc. It was too late. "Oh dear,
we've printed the programme now.") But all this is traditional
and I enjoyed the con a lot. Famous US author Kim Stanley Robin-
son and David Brin made a terrific impact in mere hours:
G.Pickersgill was seen dancing around the latter at 3am, crying
"This man is a fucking ALIEN, he has got to DIE!" -- causing
tolerant Avedon Carol to rail against anti-American bigotry and
explain that David B. was a sociobiologist, so one must make
allowances for this infirmity. New Era (the L.Ron Hubbard
publishing outfit) confined their campaigning to a popular free-
beer party with a table full of The Books, all of which were duly
signed by ever-witty Malcolm Edwards ("Yours in decay, Ron",
etc.) who never noticed that he was being stared at throughout
by a New Era person not quite courageous enough to tick him off.
The Nova award results (fanzine and fan writer both to Owen
Whiteoak, for his PINK FLUFFY BEDSOCKS alias practically any name
you can imagine; fan artist to ATom) were popular; less so the
stunning announcement by Novacon 17 boss Bernie Evans that
despite Tony Berry's detailed mathematical proof in the programme
book that Novacon could never be squeezed back into the Royal
Angus, 1987 would see a return to the Royal Angus. Apparently
this year's was the first Novacon ever to have FEWER people
attending than were listed as members in the program book (i.e.
dropouts exceeded walk-ins), which may have had something to do
with the decision.
BFS OPEN NIGHT (3 Apr, upstairs in the Royal Connaught, High
Holborn, WC1): free to all from 6pm.
FANDERSON 87 (3-5 Apr, Caister, Norfolk): a mere #12 for days
of non-stop bloody Gerry Anderson, to 147 Francis Rd, Leyton,
London, E10 5NT.
BECCON 87 (17-21 Apr, NEC, Birmingham): Eastercon with ever-
swelling guest list, now including Ian Watson and Jane Gaskell.
#6 supp #11 att to 191 The Heights, Northolt, Middlesex, UB5 4UB.
TELLY-CON (18 Apr, New Imperial Hotel, Birmingham): TV-fantasy
affair with Patrick Macnee, Joanna Lumley, Gerald Harper: #8 to
132 Cambridge Drive, Marston Green, Birmingham.
NAT. CON OF POETS & SMALL PRESSES (25-26 April, Festival Hall,
Corby): "strong SF presence" with Cassandra group and Bob Shaw
(on "open day" Sat, not "poets' day" Sun). #5 to Tom Bingham, 82
Dresden Close, Corby, Northants, NN18 9EN.
SOL III (1-4 May, Liverpool): Trekkie fun, data from 39
Dersingham Ave, London, E12 5QF. See AMOK TIME again!!!
RUBICON II (29 May - 1 June, Chequers Hotel, Newbury): the
substitute Silicon rides again, with a substitute date owing to
Conspiracy. #5 to Bishop's Cottage, Park House Lane, Reading,
Berks, RG3 2AH.
ALBACON 87 (19-23 June, Central Hotel, Glasgow): GoH Josie
Saxton, Brian Stableford. #4 supp #10 att (#12 from 19 May) to
"Burnawn", Stirling Rd, Dumbarton, G82 2PJ.
CONNOTE8 (3-5 July, New Hall, Cambridge): Unicon 8, #4 supp #8
att to Trinity College, Cambridge, CB2 1TQ.
CONSPIRACY 87 (27 Aug - 1 Sept, Brighton) has considerably de-
emphasized its awkward given name in recent flyers, preferring
to stress the 45TH WORLD SF CONVENTION bit. (Cheques to the
latter name.) #30 to 1 April, #38 to 31 July; PO Box 43,
Cambridge, CB1 3JJ.
FANTASYCON XII (4-6 Sept, Midland Hotel, Brum): GoH J.K.
Potter. #3 supp #10 att, to 15 Stanley Rd, Morden, Surrey.
NICON II (late Oct, Belfast): "80% positive" GoH Katherine
Kurtz, Robert Anton Wilson, Jim Fitzpatrick. #2 supp #5 att (#6
after Easter, #7 after August) to 60 Melrose St, Belfast 9, N.I.
Insider Thomas Ferguson quotes 1986 NIcon highlights: "Yes, Peter
Morwood is a prat." (Anon). "She terrified me!" (Anne McCaffrey
escort). "Who the fuck is running this bloody mess... I'll murder
the bastards...." (Various voices as the con committee
unanimously vanished on Saturday night).
CONGREGATE (10-12 June 88, Peterborough): #5 supp #11 att, or
find out more (this is all I know) from 67 Ayres Drive,
Stanground, Peterborough. NOLACON II (Worldcon: 1-5 Sept 88,
New Orleans) has persuaded Linda Pickersgill to be UK agent: she
hasn't had any other information whatever, but might know UKP rates
real soon now: 7a Lawrence Rd, South Ealing, W5 4XJ.
EUROCON XIII/HUNGAROCON IX (10-14 Aug 88, Budapest): an
enthusiastic but vague flyer hopes this will be "the first
Eurocon where there won't be travel problems on account of money
restrictions, so fans from East and West can meet." Info:
Hungarian SF Society, Eurocon Committee, Budapest 5, PF.514, H-
1374, Hungary. (Address from flyer letterhead: in my ignorance
I trust part of it isn't a phone number....)
SOMETHINGOROTHERCON (1988 or 1989, Somewhere In South Wales):
"We, the Swansea group, are half thinking of putting on a con,"
writes, if that's the word for what he does to hapless postcards,
D.M.Sherwood: "It (there's no name yet) may or may not be at the
Grand, Port Talbot (a place with all the refined charm of the
Central, Cardiff, provided the carpets haven't been stripped out
yet). It may include items for fantasy games computer buffs,
folk/filk singers and anything else on the cheap. SAE for info
to my address pretty please." PO Box 23, Port Talbot, SA13 1DA.
CONTRIVANCE 89 (Eastercon bid) plans to offer a Jersey venue,
following a Novacon straw poll at which Jersey votes exceeded
those for other suggestions (Birmingham, Brighton) by factors
varying from approximately fifty to approximately infinity. Pre-
supp #1 to Tim Illingworth, 63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9
1LQ.
NOREASCON 3 (1990 Worldcon, Boston): GoH Andre Norton plus Ian
& Betty Ballantine. Info: UK agent Colin Fine (see COA).
CONTRAVENTION (1990 Eastercon bid) woos fans with dulcet,
honeyed phrases: "In 1990 you'll get what you want whether you
like it or not!", says the flyer, and suggests that you send
UKP....... [sic] for pre-supp membership to Chris Donaldson, 35
Buller Rd, London, N17.
HOLLAND IN 1990 (my preferred Worldcon bid): a savage clog
sank into my groin at Novacon thanks to ANSIBLE's mention of a
#3.50 pre-supp fee when really it should be #4... to Colin Fine
at his new address (see COA) or Ian Sorensen.
LA IN 1990 (other Worldcon bid) got missed out last time, by
accident rather than cunning pro-Holland design. A recent
circular announces the demise of that controversial plan to fund
the bidding with $20,000 of past LA-con profits (wise decision!).
Instead, members of the bidding group SCIFI Inc are "paying an
assessment of $25 a quarter" while "name" fans/pros are being
invited to contribute $25 and become Associate Bid Committee
Members with GoH voting privileges.
### C.O.A. ###
DAVID BRIN (for some months yet, I think) 26a Gayton Rd,
Hampstead, London, NW3 1TY :: TERRY BROOME, Ward 7, Harlow Wood
Orthopaedic Hosp, Nottingham Rd, Mansfield, Notts, NG18 4TU ("for
anyone wishing to send funeral cards") :: BILL BOWERS, 1874
Sunset Ave, Apt 56, Cincinnati, OH 45238, USA :: JOHN BROSNAN,
6 Lower Rd, Harrow, Middlesex, HA2 0DA ("I now reside in Chris
Evans' old flat in Ortygia House -- the building that has
nurtured so many other great literary talents. I expect to see
an improvement in my work any day now.") :: ALLYN CADOGAN, 1324
E Cotati Ave (103), Rohnert Park, CA 94928, USA :: MIKE CHRISTIE,
38 Gloucester Rd, Acton, London, W3 8PD :: JONATHAN COLECLOUGH,
c/o Digital Type Systems Ltd, Standard Wharf, 60 Wapping High St,
London, SE10 9QR :: MALCOLM EDWARDS c/o Victor Gollancz Ltd, 14
Henrietta St, London, WC2E 8QJ (mark letters PERSONAL) :: DAVID
ELWORTHY, 151 Victoria Rd, Cambridge :: COLIN FINE, 28 Abbey Rd,
Cambridge, CB5 8HQ :: LINDA GERSTEIN & ELI COHEN, 440 West End
Ave (14E), New York, NY 10024, USA :: CAREY HANDFIELD, PO Box
1091, Coulton, Vic 3053, Australia :: LEE HOFFMAN, 401 Sunrise
Trail NW, Port Charlotte, FL 33952, USA :: KIM HUETT, PO Box 649,
Woden, ACT 2606, Australia :: SUE JONES, 89 Sutton Rd,
Shrewsbury, SY2 6ED :: JON LANGFORD, 164 Harehills Rd, Leeds 8
:: BERNARD LEAK, H1 Whewell's Court, Trinity College, Cambridge,
CB2 1TQ :: KEITH MITCHELL, 19 Meadowplace Rd, Edinburgh, EH12 7UJ
:: MIKE & DEBBY MOIR, 27 Hampton Rd, Worcester Park, Surrey, KT4
8EU :: KIM NEWMAN, 45 Church Lane, Crouch End, London, N8 8DR ::
KEVIN K.RATTAN, 150 Bow Common Lane, Bow, London, E.3 :: GRANT
SINCLAIR, 2/5 Sturt Ave, Toorak Gdns, SA 5065, Australia :: BRUCE
STERLING, 4525 Speedway, Austin, TX 78751, USA :: SUE THOMASON,
31 Barfield Rd, Muncaster, York, YO3 9AW :: JEAN WEBER & ERIC
LINDSAY, 6 Hillcrest Avenue, Faulconbridge, NSW 2776, Australia
:: OWEN WHITEOAK, temporarily c/o 24a Beech Rd, Bowes Park,
London, N.11 ::
### THE INSANITY OFFENCE: CHARLES PLATT ###
The case sounded ridiculous. Harlan Ellison, interviewed by Gary
Groth for THE COMICS JOURNAL in 1979, had made a few offhand
comments about the work of Michael Fleisher, author of the
notoriously violent DC Comics SPECTRE series. Ellison said the
series was "bugfuck"; you had to be crazy like Robert E.Howard
or H.P.Lovecraft to write like that. Fleisher said he was
"devastated and appalled" by Ellison's remarks, and decided to
sue for libel.
Late in 1986, the case reached Southern District Federal Court
in Manhattan. Judge Vincent Broderick's court room was smaller
and more intimate than I'd expected: I wandered in on 11 November
and had to pick my way between lawyers and defendants sitting on
ancient green-vinyl-upholstered chairs, ranged around three big
wooden tables. As I sat down in one of four plywood pews reserved
for (nonexistent) visitors, the prosecuting counsel had just
started his opening statement.
Attorneys can say what they like in opening and closing
statements, which are exempt from the strict procedural rules
observed while interrogating witnesses. Fleisher's attorney told
the jury of 5 women and 4 men that Ellison was "a controversial
person. Controversial people stir up trouble, they attract
attention... Not only does he not deny this, he markets it." As
for THE COMICS JOURNAL, it was an "elitist, muckraking" magazine:
"every time you open it you can find some kind of hate, some kind
of argument." Their transcript of Ellison's 5-hour interview was
"nasty, hostile and attacking." Ellison attacked John Wayne, and
he attacked John Updike, but he attacked Michael Fleisher worst
of all. The libel supposedly consisted of three separate
statements:
First, Ellison variously described Fleisher as crazy;
certifiable; twisted; derange-o; bugfuck; and a lunatic.
Second, Ellison (mis)quoted a PUBLISHERS WEEKLY review as
having said CHASING HAIRY, a novel by Fleisher, was "the product
of a sick mind". The review had said no such thing.
Third, Ellison said Fleisher's SPECTRE series had been
discontinued by DC because "they realized they had turned loose
a lunatic on the world." In other words, DC killed Fleisher's
series because they thought he was mentally unbalanced.
As a result of these statements, Fleisher's "business
reputation has been destroyed." The attorney summed up: "Freedom
of speech doesn't go this far. There is no protection for lies
that are knowingly published." As compensation, he was asking for
total damages of $2,000,000 from Ellison, Groth and THE COMICS
JOURNAL.
After lunch, Groth's attorney took his turn. He claimed that
Fleisher's gross income had actually doubled in the years
following the supposed destruction of his career; that Fleisher
had described HIMSELF as "a lunatic" in an interview; and that
Fleisher's work was indeed deranged. For instance, in his comic-
book story "The Night of the Chicken", a farmer picked up a
prostitute, forced her to dress in a chicken costume, hacked her
to pieces with an axe, then fed her to his chickens. And Fleisher
had stated that out of all his stories, this was one of the three
he was most proud of.
As for CHASING HAIRY, it portrayed foul-minded men acting out
their hatred for women. (In a deposition under oath, Fleisher had
explained that "hairy" refers to "pussy".) At the climax, after
getting a female hitch-hiker to participate in "unnatural sex
acts", they poured gasoline over her in the back seat of a car,
set light to it, and watched the explosion scatter her parts
across the landscape.
But Ellison hadn't been condemning Fleisher when he called
such stuff "bugfuck". On the contrary, he was PRAISING it.
"Bugfuck", the defence claimed, was a word Ellison used to
describe people he admired. he even used it on himself. At other
times (the attorney said) Ellison had happily described himself
as "crazy as a bedbug".
So Ellison had described himself as crazy; and Fleisher had
described HIMSELF as crazy; but the trouble started when ELLISON
said FLEISHER was crazy.
In case the jury might think there wasn't really much to
choose between the behaviour of these two mature adults,
Ellison's attorney tried to elevate the proceedings to a higher
plane. He reminded the jury of the vital importance of writers
who take a radical stance. The work of Thoreau was a powerful
influence on Gandhi, who liberated a whole continent from
colonial oppression. Gandhi in turn inspired Martin Luther King,
whose marches through the South ushered in liberation for
American blacks. And guess who participated in those courageous
marches? Why, none other than Harlan J. Ellison! (It so happened
that of nine jurors listening to this homily, three were black.)
Ellison, like Thoreau, was a brilliant writer, who had won every
imaginable award for excellence in his field. Yes, he was
outspoken sometimes -- even using hard-hitting language like
"bugfuck" -- but that's the way great radicals are. He certainly
shouldn't be confused with mere COMIC-BOOK writers.
The implication was that from his lofty literary plane,
Ellison knew little of comicdom; consequently he couldn't have
known that what he said about Fleisher wasn't true; and without
deliberate untruth, or reckless disregard for truth, there could
be no libel.
Fleisher's lawyer didn't buy this. He didn't think Ellison was
as naive about comics as he made out: next day he had him on the
witness stand, admitting that he had received as much as $3000
for being a celebrity at comics cons, had written comics scripts
for both Marvel and DC, and had often allowed his stories to be
adapted for comics. At this point the attorney pulled out a stack
of lurid magazines whose paper had turned yellow during the years
taken for the legal machinery to bring this case to trial. Wasn't
it true that Ellison once planned to adapt a story he co-wrote
titled "Would You Do It For A Penny?"
Imagine the confusion of a juror at this point. There you are,
a retired subway token-booth clerk, perhaps, or an insurance
salesman. You walk into the court to discover one writer suing
another for stating he's insane. The term "writer" makes you
think of poets or best-selling novelists. But no: it turns out
that Fleisher used to write comic books describing motorcycle
gangs, zombies and psychopaths chopping women to pieces with axes
and power saws. He's the one sitting meekly at the table nearest
the judge -- a shy, stooping man with glasses and thick bushy
hair, like the protagonist in the movie ERASERHEAD. The other
writer, Ellison, is wearing a dark blue blazer with gold buttons,
like an elderly diplomat, or something out of LIFESTYLES OF THE
RICH AND FAMOUS. His grey hair is immaculately coiffed, and he
has an air of grim detachment, as if he can't believe he's being
forced to associate himself with such lowlifes. Ellison's
attorney lists Ellison's literary awards, claims he even helped
to liberate the American Negro, for heaven's sake. But now
Ellison's on the witness stand, and Fleisher's attorney is
showing him back issues of HEAVY METAL and a comic called CREEPY:
"Is this your story, here? Did you write this?" And Ellison is
reluctantly agreeing that he did. So you, the juror, begin to
wonder: How can it be that this latter-day Thoreau sold his stuff
to the same kind of sleazoid publications that printed Fleisher's
sicko stories about people getting hacked into a bloody pulp?
Harlan Ellison -- and most SF readers -- wouldn't agree, but
TO THE OUTSIDER, comics, horror and SF can seem much the same,
all using lurid images to give kids cheap thrills. Is Ellison's
award-winning "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream?" really that
much better than "Night of the Chicken?" Maybe it's better
written, and maybe it has an implicit social message, but TO THE
OUTSIDER it looks as if we're making microscopic distinctions
between two grades of trash.
This case initially promised to be a serious test of a
respected writer's legal right to express trenchant literary
criticism. As I sat there, however, listening to the list of
absurd story titles and the asinine, inaccurate epithets that had
been exchanged, the veneer of respectability began to seem
totally bogus. SF people have a notorious tendency to take
themselves too seriously, and here they were all dressed up in
business suits, paying attorneys thousands of dollars a day to
make them sound impressive, while the case really seemed little
more than a namecalling competition.
I'm not questioning anyone's sincerity. During the trial I
began to realize that Fleisher had been genuinely distressed by
the "crazy" epithet. At first he recoiled in seeming horror when
I introduced myself and said I might write something about the
case. But as the days wore on, the artificial environment of
fluorescent ceiling panels, acoustic tiles, scuffed plywood
panelling and wrinkled brown carpet seemed to close in: like
hostages who learn to love their captors, everyone developed a
guarded camaraderie. I filched a copy of Fleisher's novel from
one of the defence attorneys and found, contrary to the way it
had been described, it was a carefully considered, perceptive
book about the inhumanity of common men -- the kind of novel, in
fact, that Ellison claims to write himself, yet never seems to
publish. PUBLISHERS WEEKLY did not, as Ellison stated, call it
"the product of a sick mind... so twisted and nauseating, it has
absolutely no redeeming social value." They said simply that it
was "a very ugly book" about "hideous sexism". I found it no more
ugly or hideous than the realities it rather objectively
described.
So Fleisher wasn't a mere comics hack, and did feel genuinely
wronged, and had genuinely suffered, despite the efforts of the
defence attorneys to portray him as a venal, perverted
opportunist.
However, proof of libel doesn't depend on the personalities
involved, or even on emotional distress. Four circumstances must
exist. A defamatory statement must have been made (one likely to
subject a person to ridicule and abuse from friends or co-
workers); the maker of the statement must have known it was false
or must have acted with reckless disregard for the truth (that
is, with awareness of probability of falsity); and actual injury
must have occurred to the REPUTATION of the victim (not just his
feelings). Only after libel has been established can damages be
assessed: these can then reflect any distress that may have
occurred.
In this case, libel was never established. On the afternoon of
9 December, after four weeks of tiresome quibbles between
lawyers, scurrilous attacks on the integrity of witnesses, half-
truths delivered under oath, mountains of xeroxed documents
showered on the jury, and a final summation by the judge that
filled most of one morning and referred repeatedly to "Harvey"
Ellison... the jury took less than 90 minutes to acquit Ellison,
Groth and THE COMICS JOURNAL on all counts.
In a sense, it was the right decision. The case seemed
personally important to Fleisher, but to everyone else it seemed
silly. Henry Holmes, Ellison's second attorney, who flew in from
LA for some of the proceedings, said that on the West Coast no
judge would have accepted the case for trial in the first place.
But consider the four circumstances for establishing libel. In
my opinion (opinions based on public facts are generally exempt
from libel), Ellison's statement WAS defamatory; it WAS false;
and it WAS made with reckless disregard for the truth. He himself
almost admitted as much in the interview: after describing
Fleisher as "certifiable", he added, "that's a libellous thing
to say." Under cross-examination he claimed the remark to have
been a joke: but Fleisher's lawyer suggested that Ellison
realized (at that moment in the interview) he had "gone too far",
which sounded about right to me. Moreover, after the interview
was published and protests were received, Ellison referred to his
own "unnecessary vitriol" in a letter to Groth. and added "I am
unsettled. I am remorseful. I must watch my mouth."
The fourth requirement for proving libel -- injury to
Fleisher's reputation -- was harder to demonstrate. As Ellison's
attorney put it, "If someone is injured in his professional
reputation, it will show up on their income-tax return."
Fleisher's returns showed an increase in gross writing income
from about $27,000 in 1979 to $50,000 in 1983. In at least one
instance he seemed to benefit from notoriety: after Ellison's
interview compared his craziness to that of Robert E.Howard,
Fleisher was commissioned to script a CONAN comic....
But, as Fleisher put it: "I found myself having difficulties
with my work that I had not experienced before... I was unable
to produced the plots that I was required to do... It's intrusive
to go through life dealing with people... who've been given the
impression you're some sort of lunatic." There was indeed
evidence that professional colleagues no longer viewed him the
same way, especially after THE COMICS JOURNAL started publicizing
and ridiculing his lawsuit. "Month after month they used his name
to promote their magazine and to mock him." At one point they
even mailed invitations that said, "One of the reasons we're
giving this party is because we're making Michael Fleisher so
unhappy." Nor were they entirely fair when they gleefully
described CHASING HAIRY as "the most repulsive piece of fiction
ever written in English." One could only admire their prescience,
though, when in an ad for a back issue that said, "Bet you this
turns up in some legal paper." The ad itself was offered as an
exhibit by the prosecution.
Personally, I don't believe in libel laws, because the only
kind of printed statement that really hurts is the kind that
exposes truth*, and in the USA, truth cannot be libellous. People
sue when someone offends their dignity, or when they take a
statement more seriously than it was intended. If Fleisher had
been able to laugh at Ellison's accusations, everyone would soon
have forgotten them. By choosing to sue, Fleisher attracted the
notoriety he said he sought to avoid.
So I feel Fleisher was wrong to bring the suit (and I ventured
to tell him this in person); but having brought it, it seemed to
me that he should have won it.
In a way, justice was still done: Fleisher refused to say how
much the case had cost him, but I suspect much of his legal costs
to have been on a contingency basis -- his attorney wouldn't
receive the full fee unless he won damages. By contrast, Ellison,
Groth and THE COMICS JOURNAL had to pay their four attorneys at
least $150 an hour, win or lose. Insurance may have covered some
of the magazine's expenses, but Ellison was telling people that
the case had cost him $85,000. Perhaps this will be an incentive
for him to speak a little more circumspectly in his next
interview -- or, at least, check some of the facts before
publication. [CP]
[*Editorial disagreement registered at this point.
[Though I cut Charles' report with the usual tasteless
savagery, it appears at length because I'm fascinated and
terrified by the thought of frames of reference switching
suddenly from fannish give-and-take to courtroom analysis. "The
accused, Langford, a being erect upon two legs, and bearing all
the outward semblance of a man, and not of a monster, took it
upon himself to state in print -- heedless of damage to my
clients' reputation and finances -- that the announced
organizational plans for their science fiction convention were...
`daft'. This cold-blooded accusation of mental imbalance..." etc.
I have some sympathy for H.E.]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
COVER-UP SCANDAL! Long-term readers will know I've often been
danced on by irate persons in spiked boots for printing some
tasty little factoid. Brian Earl Brown adds a new twist: he
reckons I have no journalistic integrity because of something I
DIDN'T cover in ANSIBLE 46, to wit, Ted White's drug bust (see
A47. TW, by the way, was released on 4 December). Why, asks
Brian, this shameful cover-up? I will admit it. Secretly my every
action is controlled by alien radio waves beamed by Ted White
into my brain. Past unflattering references to Ted in these pages
are of course just camouflage. It is no use to plead in pathetic
mitigation that owing to 1986 reclusiveness, when A46 appeared
my only hard information about the arrest had come from Ted
himself... in confidence. Brian demands higher journalistic
standards: confidences should be ruthlessly violated when it
comes to "major news" (his phrase) of a fan's misfortune. Must
try harder, Langford.
GRAND OLD MAN LASHES OUT! Informed that his next paperback
blurb quotes John Fowles AGAIN, Chris Priest worried that the
"young" in "One of our most gifted and poetic young writers"
might now violate the Trade Descriptions Act. "Go on Chris, just
ONE more time," said Gollancz persuasively.... In future, Mr
Priest will be insisting on "Dean of British SF".
STOLEN FROM SF CHRONICLE: A new US mag SF INTERNATIONAL has
appeared, featuring worldwide fiction: Andromeda Press, 99
Teardrop Ct, Newbury Park, CA 91320.... Nebula novel nominations
dominated by Orson Scott Card's SPEAKER FOR THE DEAD.... St
Martin's Press is buying Tor Books....
FAN FUNDS: GUFF was won by Irwin Hirsh (address as colophon),
who therefore represents Aussie fandom here at Conspiracy and is
doing his best to find a hat with corks round the brim. DUFF went
to Lucy Huntzinger (2215-R Market St, San Francisco, CA 94114,
USA), who will be travelling to Australia and is widely not
rumoured to be devising a punk hairstyle with corks round the
brim. TAFF ballots enclosed (where deadlines allow), containing
all ye know on earth and all ye need to know. COFF, the Concrete
Overcoat Fan Fund, was overwhelmingly won by COFF (runners-up Mal
Ashworth and Graham Poole), amid titanic applause at the
announcement that COFF would henceforth cease.
CURSE OF WORLDCON: A particularly dismal bit of fannish
folklore is that Worldcon committee membership breaks up
marriages. Note the sort-of-COA for Malcolm Edwards, who is not
currently living at the 28 Duckett Rd, N4 1BN, address where
Chris Atkinson is still to be found. OK?
THE GARNETT ALTERNATIVE: "Having read the report in MATRIX,
which seems to be about different people at a different place,
and re-read the one in ANSIBLE 47 which excludes two of the
essential participants, I think you need AN ALTERNATIVE MILFORD
REPORT:
It was observed that at Milford 1986, Scott Baker and 14
others wore glasses. The one exception was --
David Garnett."
1986 HUGO FUSS: Johan-Martijn Flaton contributes a last word.
"What most of the audience didn't know was the little scene
afterwards with the winners and press. As Kees van Toorn and I
(disguised as `Press') entered the press-room with Harlan
Ellison, the latter saw among a pile of Hugos one with a piece
of paper taped to the bottom. It was Judy-Lynn's Hugo and the
paper stated: `DEAD EDITOR'. I'll spare you Harlan's
profanities...."
NOVA AWARD RUNNERS-UP LEAK HORROR: WRITER 2 D.West;
3 L.Pickersgill & H.Ashworth. FANZINE 2 PULP; 3 PREVERT; 4 NUTZ;
5 TNH/STOMACH PUMP/XYSTER. ARTISTS 2 ATom; 3 D.West; 3 P.Lyon;
4 M.Molloy; 5 R.Calverley. (See also Novacon report.)
SECRETS OF THE PROFESSIONALS REVEALED. TERRY PRATCHETT:
"Signing books is better than sex." ANSIBLE: "Really?" TP: "So
long as the pages don't stick together...." TOM SHIPPEY had a
harrowing 1986 (confides D.West): having hurt his famously non-
hirsute cranium on holiday by diving into water which proved to
contain rocks, he was then belted with a bottle on the same spot,
by Kate Solomon, for the social gaffe of dragging her round the
room by her hair.... MALCOLM EDWARDS protests R.I.Barycz's
scepticism about the EMPIRE OF THE SUN film: "Spielberg's already
been over to London, has cast `Jim' and starts shooting in
February...."
RIP: Cesar Ignacio Ramos (apparently -- Alexis Gilliland's
cartoon this issue was sent to CIR's AEON, to be found and
returned by another Puerto Rican denizen "while going through the
effects of Cesar Ramos").... CHEAP TRUTH exploded in November and
ran its own obituary: "Node Zero, the global info-nexus of the
CHEAP TRUTH publishing empire, has been reduced to smouldering
wreckage in a poorly-realized action-sequence right out of the
worst tradition of macho adventure fiction. A dead Hollywood
stunt dummy, with several burst squibs of chicken-blood attached
to its head and torso, was discovered by hard-boiled investig-
ators [and] identified as that of CHEAP TRUTH editor Vincent
Omniaveritas...."
ELECTRONIC SKIFFY: Michael Bernardi is one of those carrying
on the torch cast down by an effete earlier generation (me) on
the Prestel net. Enquire about "Earthlight SF&F" from him on
mailbox 919994136. Contains fanish critisism [sic]!
BARYCZ STRIKES SOME HAPPY MEDIA: "KING KONG LIVES! Alas.
American SF glossy mags pullulate with pics of a great hairy
beast, usually horizontal. Dino de Laurentiis has a hand in it,
alas. Well, if they can bring back Spock why not Kong? That is
not dead which can eternal lie... and talking of Lovecraft the
U of Chicago offers a translation of Greek magical papyri (330BC-
690AD) wherein you may make the acquaintance of the Demiurge of
the Seven Laughs and the Headless Demon Who Sees With His Feet.
Besides infallible methods of nobbling the chariot races and
making your shadow invisible. Order your copy today!
....Something to drive Mike Moorcock into the arms of Mary
Whitehouse: GOR is being/has been filmed. Our very own Oliver
Reed in the cast and Klaus Kinski as well. OUTLAW GOR being made
back to back with it if I interpret the news items correctly....
This year our TV screens will be blessed by a new Yankee series,
ALF, subtle acronym for Alien Life Form who crashes into the
attic of your everyday American suburban family and the rest is
a muppet looking like the result of mating an anteater with a
shar-pei who wears his hair in a duck's-arse over his sloping
forehead. Might be fun.... OBIT Roger C.Carmel (aet.54) found
dead at home in Hollywood from an apparent overdose of exotic
chemicals, Columbian nose powder for one: general character
actor, best known to skiffy as Harcourt Fenton (Harry) Mudd in
STAR TREK.... Mr Cyborg himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is busy
making Stephen King's THE RUNNING MAN. Arnold recently married
into one of America's first families. Wits say this is an
experiment in breeding a bullet-proof Kennedy." [RIB]
SERIOUS & CONSTRUCTIVE: Unwin's "Orion SF" imprint seems to
have been mysteriously short-lived, which is why the
Evans/Holdstock anthology will appear as a plain Unwin pb (cf
Chris's speech).... George Hay confides that a shortlist of
novels for the fabulous Clarke Award has been drawn up, but
neglects to name any of them.... Games Workshop is fomenting a
THIEVES' WORLD kind of fiction series set in the world of
their WARHAMMER game, whose ethereal flavour is best conveyed by
such an extract as "Your blow smashes your opponent's spine and
abdomen, tearing muscle and shattering bone so that your opponent
falls to the ground in two separate pieces." British authors of
pacifistic bent have already fled vomiting when invited to
contribute.... Colin Greenland, while gloating over having
arranged a Roger Dean cover for his ripping fantasy blockbuster
THE HOUR OF THE THIN OX, is bitter about WHITE DWARF's subtle
easing-out of his film column: "They cut my fee AND mixed me up
with Alex Stewart!" (it is not certain which is the greater
insult).... Your editor, momentarily delighted to see
surprisingly non-awful cover art on the Baen SPACE EATER reissue,
was swiftly crushed by Patrick Nielsen Hayden's discovery that
the cover had actually been recycled from ASIMOV'S SF MAG....
Douglas Hofstadter's METAMAGICAL THEMAS has a lot on self-
referential sentences, to which Damon Knight contributes: "Terry
Carr... sent us the riddle, `How do you keep a turkey in
suspense?', and never sent the answer. After about two weeks, we
realized that WAS the answer." ANSIBLE's new title will be "How
do you...."
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: THE MARATHI WORD FOR FANDOM, REVEALED
avlyachi mot ... a term for a gang of fellows united by some
present and common but evanescent interest. A very loose and
patched-up union based on no consolidation of interests and with
an ever-present tendency to separation.
[ANSIBLE 48 ends]
ANSIBLE 49, 1987: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit of
history. Addresses may have changed (though the editor's hasn't),
prices and agents' credits are invalid, etc.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 49 APRIL 1987 ISSN 0265-9816
"As a newszine, it is the Emperor's New Clothes," enthuses FILE
770, noticing this only 46 issues later than the rest of you....
more transparency from DAVE LANGFORD, 94 LONDON ROAD, READING,
BERKSHIRE, RG1 5AU, UK. Take heed: no further subscriptions will
be accepted, har har, which isn't to say that ANSIBLE will
necessarily vanish after issue 50. Distribution will, however,
be a hell of a lot more whimsical. US agents: Mary & Bill Burns,
23 Kensington Court, Hempstead, NY 11550. Oz agent: Irwin Hirsh,
2/416 Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield, Vic 3161. Language Lesson
courtesy of Colin Fine. Art: ATom. Print run 600, but not for
much longer. News swiped from all the usual uncredited sources:
SF CHRONIC, SHARDS OF THE HAGUE and JOURNAL OF THE DAVENTRY
INSTITUTE OF CAPRINE STUDIES.
=============================================================
### FAIRY GOLD DEPARTMENT ###
Somewhere in dusty cupboards, forgotten filing cabinets and the
Great Upstairs Cardboard Box Mountain, I must have spare copies
and carbons of everything I've ever published. This hoard
probably doesn't represent vast wealth... but sometimes I wonder.
Every few months I get a flyer about some US West Coast SF
auction at which staggering prices will be raised by such
memorabilia--plus, invariably, an edition of FAHRENHEIT 451 with
asbestos binding. There are either an awful lot of these, or one
copy which keeps changing hands because people get cancer after
incautiously breathing in while reading it. Similar delights
ought to include the works of H.P.Lovecraft bound in gorgonzola,
or John Norman bound in luxurious half-inch manila rope with many
a piquant granny-knot.
And now, fresh from Los Angeles, here's the Barry R.Levin SF
catalogue. Short rude story by Brian Aldiss ("Not for sale to
minors."), dating all the way back to antiquarian 1986: $600.
Carbon and proofs of STAND ON ZANZIBAR, $2500. Unsigned Gollancz
hardback of NEUROMANCER: $150. 13 limericks by Damon Knight
("Two... [circa 1944] concern gentlemen named `Tucker' and
`Bloch'... Not for sale to minors."): $150. Ellison book in
"antiqued Grimoire Box" with a lock to keep it under control:
$1200. All Keith Laumer's "Retief" manuscripts can be yours for
little more than $6000. The daftest item comprises four
Silverberg "mock story openings", brief doodles written to test
his word processor: to you, $350.
Interestingly, most of these come with signed letters of
provenance from the authors. One wonders whether said authors are
deeply altruistic, and out of sheer love for Barry R. Levin
provide the guarantees of authenticity (YOU know how many forged
carbons and proofs of STAND ON ZANZIBAR are going the rounds)
which enable him to boost the price to sense-of-wonder levels.
Or do the authors... get a cut? If the terms are good, dealers
should note that I stand poised to write up to 800 fulsome
letters of provenance, one for each copy of that rarity WAR IN
2080 still stockpiled here.
### EASTERCON REPORT BY DAV GARNETT ###
[ANSIBLE, notes Mr Garnett, is displaying a tendency to
longer articles and older news. Thus he reports on his very
first emergence from the closet: The BSFA Easter Convention
held in Bristol on 24-26 March 1967.... DRL]
Arrive at the Hawthorns Hotel just after six o'clock Friday, book
in and go up to my room. What am I doing here? Don't know anyone.
But can't hide forever. Go down and register. Pay another
scrotum-tightening 10/- in addition to earlier 7/6 registration
fee. For which get a name tag, programme booklet and two pens.
Wander around, then back to room 261 to hide again. Finally, down
to the con hall and bar. It's like a huge pub. Buy a drink and
pretend to look for someone I know. Choose an empty table, also
empty chair, and wait for programme to begin. Supposed to be
eight o'clock, the Brian Aldiss show. Room begins to fill.
Committee hope to break the 200 barrier over the weekend! People
come and sit next to me: suddenly am no longer alone and begin
talking.
Aldiss turns up late, hurrying in still wearing overcoat and
claiming he's been waiting for us all in a hotel down the road.
Introduces various authors and fans. Famous names suddenly become
recognizable faces. Brunner and Bulmer, Disch and Merril,
Moorcock and Platt, Tubb and White. Aldiss runs a quiz, asking
them to name a book or story which starts/ends with a certain
line. They win paperbacks for being right. As a consolation prize,
they win paperbacks for being wrong.
After this, head to the bar. Suddenly find myself standing
next to an author. Never met one before. Thomas M.Disch--the
famous Thomas M.Disch. Got to say something. What? Enquire
whether he is a fan of E.C.Tubb, as he knew the line Aldiss
quoted him was from a Tubb story.
"No, Brian told me the answer first," he says.
More alcohol is consumed: the evening dissolves, blurs, fades.
Wake up next a.m. in time to miss breakfast. First on today's
programme is the professional panel: should have been titled the
pessimism panel. After this, meet a guy called Duncan Lunan who
will soon be joining the ranks of the pros--reveals how his first
sf novel NO SHIPS FROM EARTH would have appeared in ANALOG if
they weren't overstocked on novels.
Lunch, and two short films: the first, RELATIVITY, almost
makes lunch come up again. Then John Brunner's Guest of Honour
speech. First he gives out the British Fantasy Award for Philip
K.Dick's THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH. He isn't there, of
course. Then a special award to Mike Moorcock, for being Mike
Moorcock. He isn't there either.
Brunner starts off talking about his new novel THE PRODUCTIONS
OF TIME and how Signet made 55 editorial changes in the first
chapter. Surely editors don't really do this?
A few drinks later, it's evening. During the Brian Aldiss
show, Charles Platt told how he'd sold GARBAGE WORLD to Berkley
(who also did Disch's first novel, THE GENOCIDES). Thinking of
Brunner's speech, ask Platt whether he cares if the copy editor
changes his book. He replies to the effect that they can do what
they like. Confess I have writing ambitions and have had several
NEW WORLDS rejections. Maybe out of sympathy, he buys me a drink.
At once Graham M.Hall and Christopher Priest join us. Two more
famous NEW WORLDS authors. I hope something will rub off.
Time to find a room party, they say. Rumour that there's one
in 261. When we get there I realize it's my room. Doesn't seem
to be a party, but Judith Merril is having one. Go there instead.
Moorcock is playing guitar and singing. Merril locks the door "to
keep the noise out", which at the time seems a perfectly valid
reason. Whenever anyone else tries to get in, she tells them to
go to room 261. Look around the room and remember my first
thought on arriving: What am I doing here, I'm the only person
I've never heard of. Sit on floor next to famous Tom Disch. He
offers me a cigarette. Wonder if should take up smoking so can
accept. Instead get him to autograph the packet: "Thomas M.Disch
(The Famous)" it says.
Merril complains that no one has asked her for HER autograph,
unlike at American cons. Ask Disch about this: he says he doesn't
know, this is his first convention. Mine too. "I knew we must
have something in common," he tells me. The drink flows like
alcohol.
Somehow get back to room, because wake up there Sunday a.m. in
time for breakfast. To save money, check out of hotel and take
room in nearby bed and breakfast, which costs 12/6.
Afternoon brings the programme highlight: Moorcock's talk.
Most important news is that NEW WORLDS will continue, as of issue
173, in new large format. Disch's CAMP CONCENTRATION will be
serialized--"The best sf novel I have ever read," says Moorcock.
He gives a marvellous performance during which he consumes most
of a bottle of whisky, argues with the audience, announces that
he's lost a page of his talk but no one has noticed. "I don't
know what it means. You don't know what it means. But who the
hell cares?"
After this, he runs an auction--selling off artwork and MSS,
mostly from NEW WORLDS. Without any other bids, someone offers
and pays A POUND for the script of Ballard's "Day of Forever"!
Unable to raise 10/- for a rare 1940 American fanzine, Moorcock
buys it himself. Then rips it up. Also sells autographed
paperbacks--autographed by himself, eg. ANDROID AVENGER by "Ted
G.White". In my inebriated enthusiasm, end up paying 10/6 for
some old GALAXY artwork. Thought it was by Emsh (who under the
stretched version of his name, Ed Emshwiller, made RELATIVITY),
but turns out to be by Martinez. Whoever he was.
The hours pass; so do the drinks. St Fantony party held in
evening, its centre a bowl of lethal punch. Place is packed: with
a couple of others, make mistake of stepping into corridor for
a breath of air. There the manager pounces. Accuses us of being
non-residents. True, although I stake my claim to room 261. He
demands to see my key, which naturally enough can't produce. He
threatens to call police. Is he serious?
Before we can find out, committee arrives to pacify him.
Manager probably annoyed at not being invited to party. Politely
we take our leave. One a.m. as we wander through the Bristol
rain, wondering where our B&B has moved to.
Monday morning, only a few shillings left from ten quid. As
expensive weekend, but more than worth it, never enjoyed myself
so much before. But it's 360 days to the Manchester con. How can
I survive that long? What will I do till then?
Maybe should write a novel and send it to Berkley.... [DG]
### C.O.A. ###
HENRY BALEN, Flat 4, 8 West Ave, Walthamstow, London :: IAN
BAMBRO, Ivy Cottage, Ivy Road, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE3
1DB :: PAUL & JUDY BEGG, 37 Vesper Gate Drive, Kirkstall, Leeds
5 :: TERRY BROOME* (back home before his hospital COA appeared):
230 Hykeham Rd, Lincoln, LN6 8AR :: JOHN BROSNAN*, Flat 2 ("You
twit. You left my flat number off--I've been getting letters
addressed to `Chris Evans's old flat'...."), 6 Lower Road,
Harrow, Middlesex, HA2 0DA :: AVEDON CAROL & ROB HANSEN, 144
Plashet Grove, East Ham, London E.6 :: DAVID ELWORTHY, 19
Cavendish Road, Cambridge, CB1 3AE :: STEVE & ANN GREEN, 33 Scott
Rd, Olton, Solihull, W.Midlands, B92 7LQ :: MARK GREENER, 38 Dun-
mow Rd, Bishops Stortford, Herts :: ALUN HARRIES, 399 Kingston
Road, Raynes Park, London, SW20 8JS :: LEIGH KENNEDY*, 78 High
St, Pewsey, Wilts, SN9 5AQ :: PAUL MASON, Top Flat, 19 Rusholme
Rd, Putney, London, SW15 3JX :: CAROLINE NEEDHAM, 68a Buxton
Road, Disley, nr Stockport, Cheshire SK1 2HE :: MOIRA SHEARMAN,
5 Tipperlinn Road, Edinburgh, EH10 5ET :: PETER SMITH*, 16 Tresta
Walk, Woking, Surrey, GU21 4XF :: HELEN STARKEY, 35 Binstead
House, Vermont Road, London, SW18 2AD :: *Late entry: sorry.
### EGGCON ###
Gosh, it was a fecund event: Conception, held in Leeds on 13-15
Feb to celebrate fifty fertile years of seminal SF cons. Little
tadpole-like things writhed all over the convention badges (to
Hazel's vast embarrassment), and even escaped to work their evil
way with the inexplicable bubbles of the Contrivance '89 bid
posters. The Queens Hotel threw itself into the yeasty spirit of
the occasion, with a Saturday notice-board offering successive
delights in various suites: ENGAGEMENT PARTY. WEDDING RECEPTION.
CONCEPTION.
(By a grim coincidence this also stuck in my mind as the
convention at which British fandom and fanzines discovered AIDS.
I'd assumed all these keen-eyed peerers into the future would
have been clued-up long ago from years of NEW SCIENTIST articles,
but the Government campaign seemed to make a sudden splash in
fannish awareness. Just an impression....)
Programme? I'm sure there was one somewhere, consisting almost
entirely of panels starring Dave Wood, whose vocal chords had
been insured by the committee for a sum so minute as to stagger
comprehension. The only panel I remember began with an awesomely
well-prepared Mal Ashworth introducing the panellists and
covering the subject at master's-thesis level for half an hour
before allowing the others to say a couple of words; after which,
for the remaining 20 minutes, he triumphantly summed up the
panel's conclusions.
But Conception wasn't very programme-oriented. Instead there
was a vast bar in which Rog Peyton furiously denied evil and
unspecified rumours allegedly put about by the dirty tricks
department of Another SF Distributor; George Airey and Sid
Barnes, palaeolithic fans who attended the 1937 Leeds con but
lost touch in the War, studied the decadence to which 50 years
had brought a once noble conception; Tom Shippey indignantly
refused my demeaning offer of a free ANSIBLE; Pam Wells stared
shattered into space owing to the fact that all her fanzines in
progress (including PULP) had been nicked while still on disk,
another first for Britain's electronic criminals; I looked for
a toilet down a likely corridor and instead discovered to my
terror a door marked STATE REGISTERED CHIROPODIST, which may have
inspired Simon Ounsley when at a room party he fondled Lilian
Edwards's sensuously green-stockinged foot and said with a misty
light in his eyes, "Gosh, it's just like a green Durex."
The programme came into its own with two concluding items:
Geoff Ryman's "Performance" performance, in which D.West's 36-
page fanzine article became a word-perfect monologue delivered
in a very strange accent (suggesting neither Geoff Ryman nor
D.West), with intermittently type-cast supporting players--such
as Linda Pickersgill heavily disguised in a borrowed nightie, as
Linda Pickersgill. Vast applause and cries of "Author!" ensued,
whereupon it was revealed that D. had hidden in a pub while Geoff
performed. Greg Pickersgill got quite excited, jumping up and
down with cries of "Every few years there's some event which
really makes coming to all these bloody conventions worthwhile!"
Judge for yourself when "Performance" opens for its revival
season at Conspiracy '87.
At a final ceremony, the sense-shattering "Ova Awards" were
presented: D. had returned in time for these and with some
confidence brought a large carrier-bag marked (in very large
letters) AWARDS. The Ovas all had eggy names whose significance
appeared in the programme book but not the voting form, causing
vast confusion as fans tried in the absence of the former to
complete the latter. Simon Ounsley especially got votes in
unlikely categories, such as "Best Eastercon":
BAD EGG AWARD (worst fannish thing): Simon Ounsley. GOOD EGG
(best fannish thing): Linda James, chief Conception organizer.
POACHED EGG (most imitated fan): D.West. PICKLED EGG (most
drunk): D.West. HARD-BOILED EGG (longest-lasting): Ken Slater.
FREE RANGE EGG (most health conscious): Graham James. EGG FLIP:
(most sarcastic): Greg Pickersgill. GREEN EGG (best up-and-coming
fan): Mike Christie. EGGHEAD (brightest): D. Langford, h'mm. EGG
& CRESS (best fannish couple): Stan and Helen Eling. SCRAMBLED
EGG (fan you most think should have a sex change): D.West. EASTER
EGG (best Eastercon): Yorcon III, held in Leeds, what a
coincidence. GOLDEN EGG (all-time best fanzine): HYPHEN. ALL OVER
THE CEILING AWARD (most over-the-top fan): Greg Pickersgill. FULL
ENGLISH BREAKFAST (best all-round fan): Linda Pickersgill. SUNNY-
SIDE UP (best American): Rochelle Dorey. PLATYPUS EGG (best
Australian): Justin Ackroyd. GOLDEN LAY (fan you'd most like to
wake up by): Sherry Francis. KEDGEREE (most indigestible fan-
zine): CRYSTAL SHIP, tch-tch. PHOENIX (best fan to rise from the
ashes): Mal Ashworth, who I thought was busy sinking into
them.
Fan Guest of Honour was also an elective post. The finger of
democracy pointed at Vince Clarke: instead of the plastic egg
received by other winners, he got a diabolically sticky
confection (manufactured at seconds' notice by Hazel Ashworth)
whose sugary malignity could tweak your fillings at 100 yards'
range. He loved it. Other fans seemed happy too.
Hey, everyone, let's do it again in 2037?
### MORE BORING OLD AWARDS ###
1986 BSFA AWARDS will probably have been dished out by the time
many of you see this, ie. at Easter; the shortlist is or was:
NOVEL SCHISMATRIX (Sterling), THE RAGGED ASTRONAUTS (Shaw), QUEEN
OF THE STATES (Saxton), COUNT ZERO (Gollancz), BLOOD MUSIC
(Bear). SHORT "Jingling Geordie's Hole" (Watson), "And He Not
Busy Being Born" (Stableford), "Kaeti and the Hangman" (Roberts),
"The Winter Market" (Gibson). MEDIA REANIMATOR, OVERDRAWN AT THE
MEMORY BANK, MR PYE, DR WHO: TRIAL OF A TIMELORD, ALIENS. ART
"Screaming of the Beetle" (SMS), "The Clocktower Girl" (Roberts),
and three INTERZONE covers: 15 (Lyon), 16 (Burns), 17 (Avon).
CLARKE NOVEL AWARD: Chris Priest relates harrowing tales of
trying to fix John Clute's word processor while downstairs came
the crash of breaking glass and furniture as the award committee
made its amicable decision between THE HANDMAID'S TALE (Atwood),
EON (Bear), STARS IN MY POCKET LIKE etc. (Delany), ESCAPE PLANS
(Jones -- "I'm still waiting for a critic to have the courage to
admit it's unreadable," said a jaded editor and Worldcon chair),
THE MEMORY OF WHITENESS (Robinson), THE RAGGED ASTRONAUTS (Shaw)
and GREEN EYES (Shepherd).
HUGOS: "God how I hate the Hugos," writes impartial ballot
counter Paul Kincaid. "Day after day ploughing through mountains
of nominations for books I wouldn't give house room. Oh and how
the crap floats to the top. I can already predict the way the
final ballot will go, in all but a couple of the categories, and
the thought is not inspiring." The world postal service duly
cocked up ballot distribution, and heroic Conspirators have
mailed several thousand extra nomination forms to be returned by
an extended 1 May deadline. Will the new flood of response cheer
Mr Kincaid and thwart the subversive Wellington-meeting
activities of David "Write down the name of my story HERE and
give this form to Kincaid" Garnett?
NEBULA novel finalists include unexpectedly good stuff: COUNT
ZERO (Gibson), FREE LIVE FREE (Wolfe), THE HANDMAID'S TALE
(Atwood), THE JOURNAL OF NICHOLAS THE AMERICAN (Kennedy) SPEAKER
FOR THE DEAD (Card), THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS (Morrow).
Nice to see fame coming to Leigh Kennedy, who for some reason
does NOT appreciate the remark "I suppose you'll be withdrawing
it, of course?"
STURGEON AWARD: another memorial award, this time for short
stories; to be selected by committee and presented at the U of
Kansas. Masterminds: Jayne Sturgeon, James Gunn.
### A, B, C AND OTHER LETTERS ###
AVEDON CAROL: "Here's a piece of strange news: Since Judy-Lynn
died, Lester Del Rey apparently has a new plan, called
`integrity'. He had the first option on Marion Bradley's new
book, bound to be a big seller since it's the next book in the
series of which the first book was a best seller, but he didn't
like it so he didn't buy it. Naturally, the other publishers went
nuts bidding for it and so Bradley picked up some serious money
on it, but hey, Lester isn't interested in any more books he
doesn't like."
MIKE COBLEY, Britain's Mr Cyberpunk, was incensed by Chris
Evans's A48 speech: "Having insidiously isolated `cyberpunk' from
generally accepted literary values, he then tries hacking it to
pieces... What Sterling, Gibson, Shirley etc. have in common is
not an ideology. Rather it is a philosophical hands-on approach
to exploring/explaining effects of technology on society and
vice-versa, and the consequences of both. With its notable lack
of technophobia (which is a long way from technolatry) cyberpunk
is a radical mode of expression the potential of which we have
not even begun to realize."
There's more, eg. a charge that by not forming a Group to be
a rallying-point, Messrs Evans, Priest ET AL caused the lack of
new UK authors (tell that to Gwyneth Jones or Iain Banks); but
the quoted bit is the core of Mike's letter. It sounds exactly
like one of John W.Campbell's early puffs for Dianetics. Some
critical reasoning meatier than this or Rudy Rucker's weird ideas
of objective literary standards based on information density ("I
read a great phone directory last week") is needed to refute
Chris's mild suggestion that like "New Wave", "cyberpunk" is just
a label slapped on a lot of independent--though in many cases
triffic--authors. Plug: try Mike's SHARK TACTICS, a polemical
SF broadsheet resembling a UK CHEAP TRUTH (18 Athole Gdns,
Hillhead, Glasgow, G12 9BA).
### CONDOM: SOME UPDATES ONLY ###
KOANCON '87 (31 July - 2 Aug, Coventry Polytechnic): fannish
games con. #22 residential, #7 non-res to Top Flat, 19 Rusholme
Rd, London, SW15 3JX. GoH Paul "Warhammer" Cockburn.
CONSPIRACY '87 (45th Worldcon, 27 Aug - 2 Sept, Brighton) now
costs #38/$65 att, to 31 July (no postal bookings after then);
day membership #10/$15 per day in advance, #15+ at the door.
Which famous skiffy editors complained bitterly about not
receiving booking forms, only for a grovelling committee to find
they hadn't bought memberships? I name no names, not even B*va
or W*llheim.
EUROCON '87 has been hopping about wildly, to the dismay of
French fans: after skipping from July in Perpignan to May in
Montpellier, it's bounced back to 29 Oct - 1 Nov, same town.
Details: 112 de Toulouse, F-34000 Montpellier, France.
NOVACON 17 (30 Oct - 1 Nov, Royal Anguish Hotel, Brum): GoH
Iain Banks, mundane alias of new space-opera author Iain M.Banks.
#8 to end of Eastercon, #10 to 29 Oct, to 7 Grove Ave, Acocks
Green, Birmingham, B27 7UY. This special offer of a con is open
to the first 350 applicants only.
1989 EASTERCON: Contrivance (63 Duke Road, Chessington,
Surrey) whose venue is the Hotel de France, Jersey, seems to be
the only bid despite the fleeting appearance of flyers for Yorcon
4 at the Queens Hotel, Leeds.
### OBIT. ###
TERRY CARR died on 7 April, with shocking unexpectedness: his
fiftieth birthday was only this February. (Diabetes seems to have
been a major part of the problem.) I'd just been reading his fine
fanwriting collection FANDOM HARVEST... but the pro scene too
suddenly looks a lot bleaker without the man who wrote CIRQUE
plus those few exemplary short stories, waded fearlessly through
garbage to collect the most reliable of Year's Best SF
anthologies, and redirected modern SF with his two series of Ace
Specials. Even through long-range contact via occasional fanzines
and rejection slips, Terry was unmistakably one of the Good Guys.
There are so few.
Also: THEODORE COGSWELL of "Wall Around The World" fame (3
Feb, aged 68). JOHN D.MACDONALD, who died at 70 on 28 Dec, may
not have written a lot of SF (though the Thorne Smithish novel
THE GIRL, THE GOLD WATCH AND EVERYTHING is deservedly popular)...
but hordes of fans confessed addiction to his colourful "Travis
McGee" thrillers: top-class adventure fiction needs no genre
labels. Steve Green writes "Just heard that PATRICK TROUGHTON
died over the weekend (28/29 March) whilst at a Dr Who con in the
States. It wasn't so much the loss to the thespian community
which struck me, but the sudden mental image of all those Who
fans standing around the corpse, wondering whether he'd manage
to metamorphose into his new body in time for the GoH speech."
Outraged letters may be directed to Steve's new address: see COA.
### STAR TREK IV: THE FILM REVIEW (ANDREW STEPHENSON) ###
The fourth Trek film, ingeniously titled STAR TREK IV for hyper-
numerate US cine-goers but renamed THE VOYAGE HOME for us word-
bound Limeys, opened in London on 10 April. So the average
ANSIBLE reader will already have decided the virtues of its 1
hour 59 minutes, if Uncle Dave keeps to his usual publishing
schedule: I'll minimize the consumer advice in favour of
philosophical generalities.
When reviewing THE WRATH OF KHAN for A28, I speculated on
Paramount's plans for the Trek universe. Though not too far off
on the whole, I did go badly adrift in suggesting that TWOK would
be "the last of the old-style stories" and that cast changes were
imminent. Ignoring me entirely, the old-style storyline forged
ahead in THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK and now continues where that left
off--even to the extent of a "story so far" sequence. Moreover,
the main characters persist, long after some ought to have hung
up their uniforms, while minor characters once suspected of being
groomed for prominence play little real part.
Interestingly, the gradual dilution of the format, painfully
evident in later TV episodes (eg. Spock's greater emotionalism),
has been corrected quite savagely here and there. Have Paramount
decided to revert to the older format? If so, how will they
reconcile the style of later films with the new TV series, of
which one hears grim tales, such as that it will hearken back to
the very earliest concept of ST as WAGON TRAIN in space? Gossip
suggests a fifth film coming, with perhaps more to follow. The
USS ENTERPRISE is with us again, Kirk's in his commander's chair,
the Klingons are seething and all's right with the world.
The implications for screened SF could be good or bad, dep-
ending on what Paramount's moguls decide to do with their pro-
duct. If they choose quality storytelling, one hopes the
consequent success will encourage other producers to revive TV
SF. If they go for the soft option of the lowest common
denominator, it won't be long before yet another production
company has dismissed screened SF as unprofitable. Frankly, I'm
not hopeful, recalling the past witless behaviour of so many
media decision makers.
What of this particular story? Fresh from rescuing the renewed
Spock from the Genesis planet, Kirk and friends head for Earth
in their captured Klingon ship to face a court martial. Happily--
and no reason other than plot convenience is ever really offered-
-an alien probe of immense power (a common hazard in the ST
universe) has chosen this moment to arrive in Earth orbit and
stir up the atmosphere in a manner liable to cause serious
unhappiness at Lloyd's. Before long it transpires that it wants
a chat with Earth's hump-backed whales and is unaware of these
side-effects produced by its means of communication....
The snag is, the last hump-backed whale was exterminated by
humans some considerable time ago, so it seems the visitor will
continue its fruitless attempts at gossip, wiping out Earth's
human life in turn. Well, do you need me to tell you that Kirk
& Co are equal to the job? Heck, no. They pile in with a will,
travel back in time to San Francisco of the late 20th century,
and manage to work something out.
Most of this is great fun and consistent with the tone of the
TV series, even down to the embarrassing moral lectures. If you
can cope with lapses into bathos and a few weirdly obtrusive
cultural references, there's much to enjoy: Spock masquerading
as an ageing hippie; Scottie getting to grips with a manually
driven computer; McCoy driven to distraction by the medical
barbarities of our time; Chekov innocently asking a suspicious
traffic cop for directions to the nearest nuclear warship, his
"Russian" accent thick enough to spread on bread; and so on. The
fans will love it.
A strong comedy element pervades TVH; the scripting holds
several delights. Nimoy's direction is businesslike, extracting
competent performances from a good cast, though a slight dullness
of visual imagination is evident. Certain scenes and characters
are included just for series continuity. And the old crew
continues to age, some more gracefully than others, while the
producers show few signs of recruiting a new shift to take over
the command deck.... Not a bad film. I may even go to see it
again, paying honest coin this time. [AMS]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
DEPT. OF I NEVER THOUGHT THEY REALLY SAID IT: "It [Aldiss's
ENEMIES OF THE SYSTEM] contrives to be rich, allusive, full of
real people, and unfailingly interesting. It is not, then, real
SF." (Anthony Burgess, HOMAGE TO QWERT YUIOP)
FAN FUNDS: Jeanne Gomoll, to whom congratulations, won TAFF
after savage hand-to-hand struggle by administrators G. Pickers-
gill (UK) and P&T Nielsen Hayden (US). The first count went
Gomoll 132, Glicksohn 77, Lichtman 46, Bowers 31, Brown 28 and
Hold Over Funds 3. After the weird intricacies of the modified
Australian ballot, this settled down to Gomoll 202, Glicksohn
112, No Further Preference 5. Jeanne thus attends Conspiracy as
revered TAFF delegate, but (every silver lining has its cloud)
also takes over the US administration for an exciting two years
of fund-raising and letters from Puerto Rico. Her address: Box
1443, Madison, WI 53701-1443, USA. The Nielsen Haydens leave us
with this awesome question: "What cosmically-attuned mental
processes enabled dozens of fans to take scissors in hand and
detach the bottom third of the TAFF ballot before sending it to
us, carefully following the dotted line just above the words SEND
THE ENTIRE BALLOT--DO NOT DETACH?" Meanwhile, GUFF: Irwin and
Wendy Hirsh are trying to make new contacts with UK and
(especially) Continental fans for their coming visit here. See
masthead for address.
GROUP GROPES: (1) KIMOTA, a newsletter, nervously prints
nothing about who edits it, where he lives, or which local group
is involved. Try 1 Northgate, Goosnargh, nr. Preston. (2) Waltham
Forest & District fan meetings: consult Henry Balen, 01 509 2331
or as COA. (3) Staffen, St Albans group, meets at Shires Pub, St
Pancreas Station, 2nd Monday each month (8pm or so).
SERIOUS & CONSTRUCTIVE.... SAMUEL DELANY says THE SPLENDOUR
AND MISERY OF BODIES, OF CITIES (sequel to STARS IN MY POCKET
LIKE BODILY FLUIDS) is "in the publication process", ie. he's
delivered it, a couple of years overdue. But Avedon Carol warns:
"The two biggest booksellers in the US (60% of the market,
together) are not carrying any new books by Delany. Why? `He's
writing GAY CONTENT now.' I understand one of those chains is
also refusing any work from Tanith Lee and Barbara Hambly." Same
alleged reason, but in Hambly you have to search bloody hard....
DAVID PRINGLE is now SF consultant to Simon & Schuster UK, whose
next 100 SF novel choices are thus assured.... FANTASY REVIEW
tempts potential customers (me) with glowing promises of its
wonderfulness and offers of a no-strings-attached free copy which
(I am assured) will so blow my little scientifictional mind as
to make me a devoted subscriber. "Goshwow," I wrote, "rush me my
free ticket to lifelong addiction at once!" Quick as a flash they
responded with... an invoice for $27.95 worth of subscription.
JONATHAN WYLIE, the author of yet another "compelling fantasy
trilogy" from Corgi, turns out to be a husband-and-wife team of
professional SF/fantasy editors at (guess where?) Corgi.... The
most interesting aspect of CLIVE BARKER'S #500,000 deal (in which
Collins poached him from Sphere) was listening to Malcolm Edwards
morbidly calculating the likelihood of such an advance being
recouped, his probability estimate being a breakthrough in the
mathematics of the infinitesimal....
VILE MISREPRESENTATION! A coweringly anonymous source near the
One Tun bar demands eye-witness correction of the shock horror
item reported last issue: "It wasn't so much the arm round the
shoulder as his tongue down his boyfriend's throat that clinched
it. I mean, bloody hell, they were French kissing at the bar for
half a subjective hour...." Updates on the Wellington move:
Hitcher fans will be following when the date outstrips their pre-
advertised Tun meetings, but erstwhile tutelary spirit Frank
Arnold is staying put (with a select few pals), being annoyed
that the decision to move was unilaterally taken by everyone else
in his absence (he'd gone home). Mould-breaking Bernie Peek has
started a new visitors' book for the Welly. Advice for the easily
confused: when trying to find the Wellington on the first
Thursday evening of each month, do not head north, south, east,
or west from the main British Rail concourse at Waterloo. The
true path leads downward, into a hole in the middle of the
station....
"WHY IS ANSIBLE 49 SO THIN?" lisps the puling reader. My
energies were drained by preparing a collection of Langford
fanwriting for the Worldcon, running to 38,000 words... argh!
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: KLAMATH (for the Masquerade)
sawyasga, puts a long object in front of one's genitals
...a common response to
ANSIBLE 49, FROM 94 LONDON ROAD, READING, UK, RG1 5AU
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 50, 1987: PLEASE NOTE that this old ANSIBLE is a bit of
history. Addresses may have changed (though the editor's hasn't),
prices and agents' credits are invalid, and so now are the e-mail
and telex contact points below.
Dave Langford, ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk, 1993.
=============================================================
ANSIBLE 50 AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 1987 ISSN 0265-9816
"Not nearly as controversial as its reputation belies," says the
hard-hitting BRITISH FANTASY NEWSLETTER of the blandness you hold
in your hand... from DAVE LANGFORD, 94 LONDON ROAD, READING,
BERKSHIRE, RG1 5AU, UK. (Electronic mail to Telecom Gold
81:TWH152, telex 265451 MONREF G quoting 81:TWH152 in the first
line; none of this is of the slightest use, I'm just showing
off.) What of the future? As Alfred Bester once wrote, "The
Future is Tekon", and little more can be added. Chuck Harris
suggests that besides the promised irregular and whimsical
distribution, rich idiots should be allowed to subscribe at #1.50
or $3 a copy. OK if that's what you want: the point of the change
is that with my current workload I can't pretend to run a
regular, frequent or comprehensive SF newsletter, and not even
rich idiots are likely to get one. US agents: Mary & Bill Burns,
23 Kensington Court, Hempstead, NY 11550. Aussie agent: Irwin
Hirsh, 2/416 Dandenong Rd, North Caulfield, Vic 3161. Language
Lesson from Sue Thomason. Print run 600 and falling. Thanks to
MATRIX, Q and SF CHRONICLE for news oddments, and to the latter's
readers for two awards....
=============================================================
### RUNNING DOWN: THE ME COLUMN ###
I remember less than I should about the burning issues of British
fandom CIRCA 1987. The low-key Rubicon has shrunk to a single
stark memory of David Brin and Avedon Carol in the hotel lounge,
furiously debating the fitness to live of the Governor of
California, while behind them an opportunistic committee moved
up chairs and indicated by furtive gestures that this was the
day's programme item.
At Easter, Beccon produced violently polarized opinions: it
was unutterably boring, dull and bad (and certainly I seem to
have spent a much higher than average percentage of my time
wandering around looking for something happening), it was
wondrous and brilliant beyond compare (and certainly there were
several nifty items). There hadn't been enough allowance for the
depletion of Eastercon in a British Worldcon year, and the
convention rattled around in a fairly vast venue, while much
lightweight padding was needed to fill the innumerable programme
tracks. Imagine the spleen of Alan Dorey on finding that his Alan
Dorey Quiz was merely the latest of six full hours of quiz
programming.
Good bits that I noticed: the bizarre Oriental kung-fu fantasy
horror flicks, the fireworks, about three speeches, the fan room
parties (at the Holland/LA bidding party I found myself
explaining at mendacious length to Mike Glyer that ANSIBLE's
vastly greater coverage of the Dutch bid was a mere statistical
anomaly; such was the bonhomie of the occasion that he almost
tried to believe me), the real beer, the cheap and acceptable
hotel snack food, and a few offbeat programme items (like the Ian
Sorensen/Malcolm Hodkin comedy duo which momentarily brought a
thin smile to even my withered lips).
Not-so-good bits: the truncation of the fireworks (first toned
down at the request of resident Saudi Arabian royalty, then
halted altogether merely because blazing embers were cascading
on the breakfast marquee--"The committee just got cold feet,"
said angry fuse-wielder Martin Hoare, "and the marquee was going
to be taken down in a few weeks anyway." Chris Atkinson, newly
recruited to the ranks of pyromania, complained of DETONATUS
INTERRUPTUS), the early drought of real beer, the near-
inaccessibility of restaurants from the remote National
Exhibition Centre fastnesses, and a ghastly moment at the awards
ceremony.
There was Bob Shaw, who'd incautiously been telling everyone
all weekend how he'd appreciate votes for the BSFA award (which
he won). There was Paul Kincaid presenting the new Arthur
C.Clarke award, all #1000 of it, and saying approximately: "The
judging committee really did find it incredibly hard to decide,
but in the end we realized we were unanimous. Bob Shaw's THE
RAGGED ASTRONAUTS impressed us hugely as a tremendous book--"
[Bob begins to rise from his seat] "and we're commending it ever
so highly, while giving the loot to Margaret Attwood's THE
HANDMAID'S TALE!" [Applause. Collapse of Irish party. Ouch.]
The NEC's principal bar had its moments (when the main
approach wasn't closed off to become the fan room), but the decor
caused pain to sensitive drinkers and gave insight into the
horrid hearts of hotel folk. This was the "Library" bar, you see,
containing shelves of actual printed books, all with half-inch
holes bored through their middles so they could be threaded on
dowel rods and protected from being read.
(Overheard there.... John Brunner, reading in A49 that STAND
ON ZANZIBAR proofs were offered at $2500, said: "Oh goody, I sold
it to him and was promised half his profit, so that's another
$750 if it sells." Gamma asserted: "I'm now SF consultant for
Sphere." Dave Hodson insinuated: "Gamma says Richard Lewis'
underpants are too tight." Greg Pickersgill, qualifying a remark
on his good wife's youthfulness, barked: "Well, she's young
compared to Arthur Cruttenden." Helen McCarthy explained: "There
are no interesting media conventions this year, since we
cancelled ours." Hazel gasped: "It was an incredible film, they
showed the reels in the wrong order because they were labelled
in Chinese, but it didn't matter, there were all these hysterical
kung-fu hopping zombies...." Ian Sorensen confided: "Jim Barker
doesn't draw any cartoons these days. He's just an ideas man now,
he pays a YTS trainee to do the drawing.")
The bidding for the 1988 and 1989 conventions (see below)
established that one phrase is now the kiss of death for an
Eastercon bid. Prospective committees can drone on about soft
toys or tourism opportunities, but should steer well clear of
committing themselves to "science fiction." VERB. SAP.
The things that fill my working days and blot out convention
memories are for the most part deeply boring: three monthly
magazine columns, for example. One, the "Critical Mass" SF review
spot in WHITE DWARF, brings much feedback from mingy fans who
read this bit and then put the magazine back on the newsagent's
rack, not wishing to buy anything so uncool as a games rag. Now
you can all read the first 50 columns in a A4 softcover volume,
with an index: well over 60,000 words of thrillingly ephemeral
reports on the soiled masses of prose which passed through my
protesting forebrain between 1983 and 1987. CRITICAL ASSEMBLY was
a mite expensive to produce and will cost you #10 or $20 (post
free). No--to forestall you--it isn't worth it, but buy it
anyway.
Which brings me to other Langford volumes about which some of
you have asked, you fools. In hardback, the non-fiction WAR IN
2080 (futurological weaponry, etc), AN ACCOUNT OF A MEETING WITH
DENIZENS OF ANOTHER WORLD, 1871 (Victorian UFOs) and FACTS &
FALLACIES: A BOOK OF DEFINITIVE MISTAKES AND MISGUIDED
PREDICTIONS can be yours for #4 each, post free. In paperback,
choose between THE SPACE EATER (hardish SF) and THE LEAKY
ESTABLISHMENT (undisguised autobiography) at #2.75 each. Don't
forget THE TRANSATLANTIC HEARING AID, the TAFF report of which
major ANSIBLE editors have said "Pardon?"--a snip at #2.25,
proceeds to TAFF. Review copies also on sale!
I seem to have some more small-press notes here. Chris Priest
emerges from long silence with THE LAST DEADLOSS VISIONS, an
essay about the 16-year history of a famous though still unpub-
lished Harlan Ellison anthology. "Trade" edition #2, bound "coll-
ector's" edition #5, from 78 High St, Pewsey, Wilts, SN9 5AQ: as
a feeble defence against possible litigation, this is "Not for
sale in the USA." There are a million scurrilous stories about
THE LAST DANGEROUS VISIONS--you know, so-and-so "was actually in
Ellison's office, listening to him phoning the publishers to say
the complete package was in the mail, while the cardboard box of
manuscripts still sat on his floor...." Chris avoids these
hearsay distractions, traces the damning record of actual
documented facts, and offers a solid piece of journalism (26 A4
pages, small print) which--without invective--is also a
devastating hatchet-job. Is it necessary? Fans may regard "TLDV"
as a joke, but many of the 100+ contributors feel sour about
having thrown their best efforts into this black hole. Others
(20%) are dead. DEADLOSS asks "how it will end", and gives
constructive answers....
MY HEART LEAPS UP is the autobiography of R.A.Lafferty, which
reads as dottily as his novels. Chris Drumm is issuing the book
as lots of his nifty Drumm Booklets, two chapters at a time. Two
chunks out so far, ch 1-2 and ch 3-4: each $2.75 from PO Box 445,
Polk City, Iowa 50226. Good stuff.
SWEDE ISHES collects 10 chunks of Swedish fanwriting,
determinedly lightweight articles which I suspect have lost in
the translation: there are funny lines, but often the humour
doesn't quite get off the ground. John-Henri Holmberg steals the
show with a "Carl Brandon" memoir, originally written in English.
#1 (or $1 plus IRC) to Ahrvid Engholm, Renstiernas Gata 29, S-116
31 Stockholm, Sweden; proceeds to "a new SEFF", of which--I
regret--more below.
CONCATENATION, ed. Jon Cowie (see COA) and Tony Chester, was
distributed free around Easter and represents another attempt at
a "yearbook" for British SF/fandom. Much effort has gone into
financing this via ads and sponsorship, with a print run of 2000.
Its contents are rather eccentric, with random SF coverage
embedded in an unstylish imitation of NEW SCIENTIST (a low point
being the tongue-in-cheek formality of NS's "Ariadne" column: the
CONCATENATION version is dismally pompous). Having launched their
pilot issue in what looks like a bit too much haste, the dynamic
duo can--I hope--take more time over the next, and remember that
(a) even exciting news items fall flat when flatly written; (b)
when doing a review of the SF year which covers only six books,
it is not convincing when one of this highly select few is a
"Retief" squib from Keith Laumer; (c) fans interested in tiny
snippets of science news probably read them weekly in NEW
SCIENTIST: a yearbook should be made of weightier stuff....
Where does one go for regular, frequent British SF news? The
boring old BSFA is worth a look, now that Maureen Porter has
vastly expanded the news pages of MATRIX: for a year's worth,
rush your #10 to the BSFA, 33 Thornville Rd, Hartlepool,
Cleveland, TS26 8EW. Meanwhile, Novacon should see the launch of
CRITICAL WAVE from Steve Green and Martin Tudor. "Imagine an SF
supplement to the GUARDIAN and you might be part of the way
there," says Steve, indicating that CW will contain typos if
nothing else. "No way would we get away with some of the stuff
you print," he flatteringly adds, leaving me wondering. A 500-
copy print run; 10pp per bimonthly issue; no price yet, but as
October looms you might ask Steve at 33 Scott Rd, Olton,
Solihull, B92 7LQ.
IZZARD is merely the best "conventional" (i.e. duplicated)
fanzine I've had this year--fat and unsummarizable. P&T Nielsen
Hayden, 75 Fairview (2D), New York, NY 10040, USA.
### THE USUAL LETTERS OF COMPLAINT ###
BRUCE STERLING: "I send you this missive in the probably vain but
earnest hope that it will spare me from the ANSIBLE address-list
purge. How else am I to receive such vital on-line input as the
Chris Evans A48 Speech, since xeroxed and distributed as a kind
of Object Lesson within Yankee `post-modernist' circles. Morbid
as it must have been for his audience, this speech is an
intensely cheering document! `Say--I always thought cyberpunk
sucked, but consider the alternative--we could have ended up like
Chris Evans!'
"While critics might quail at the thought of pronouncing
G.Jones's ESCAPE PLANS "unreadable", the following conversation
took place in New York during Nebula weekend:
"(Scene: Tiny office in gigantic Manhattan megalith.)
"STERLING: Hmm, see you have DIVINE ENDURANCE here... ever
read ESCAPE PLANS?
"PROMINENT "PROGRESSIVE" EDITOR (eyes lighting up): What a
great fucking book!
"STERLING (pleased): That's the True Quill, isn't it? Talk
about "crammed prose"--wow!
"PPE: Yeah! Sure wish I could publish it....
"STERLING: ....
"PPE: Of course, the five hundred people here hip enough to
appreciate it can buy it from Mark Ziesing."
[The tasteful "suck" idiom reminds me that US visitors to
Conspiracy will enjoy our current vacuum cleaner posters:
"NOTHING SUCKS LIKE AN ELECTROLUX!" DRL]
DENNIS VIRZI: "Bruce Sterling continues to compliment your
efforts each time he tears up your latest issue on the SMOF BBS
bulletin board under his guise as `Jules Verne'--he says you have
`a BAD attitude'. I don't know what that means."
HARRY HARRISON: "What's this Langford! Putting STATUS DODGY on
my ANSIBLE label. I give you cheques, pound notes, tips, dirty
items. Dodgy my arse! Just to prove it--here is a goody. Perhaps
the end of the biggest bumsucking act of all time. Hark!
"In the Observer book page [April], there are some SF books
sneered at by one John Clute. He appears to like a collection of
short stories by--guess who? Someone named Watson. Whom he refers
to as `...fecund Ian Watson.'
"Well! Eric Partridge in ORIGINS: A SHORT ETYMOLOGICAL DICT-
IONARY OF MODERN ENGLISH lists `fecund' under `female'. Already
Clute is in trouble. The word is defined as `essential physical
femineity' giving us the Latin `fecundus... of land, crops,
females, fertile.' And the FE root of the word also appears in
felicitate and fetus and rests upon the old Indo-European root
*DHE- which means--wait for it--'to give suck to'. Is Clute
trying to tell us that Watson is a pregnant cow? Or perhaps he
means he is a fetal sucker or... the mind boggles at all the
possibilities.
"Legal proceedings in the offing."
[US visitors to Conspiracy will enjoy... hang on, we seem
to have covered this territory. DRL]
BRIAN ALDISS: "I think you made up that bit about the Journal
of the Daventry Institute of Caprine Studies, since JDICS doesn't
sound at all memorable. However, I assume you didn't make up the
bit about the death of Theodore Cogswell.
"It's a shame to let a good man go without a good word. Ted
would have liked you, or maybe vice versa. He was famous in fanac
as in more legitimate pursuits. As you delicately hint in
ANSIBLE, he did write `Wall Around the World'. He also edited a
notorious fanzine, PITFCS. pronounced `Pitfucks', reputedly the
Proceedings of the Institute for Twenty-First Century Studies.
In the early 60s, anyone who was anyone wrote to PITFCS, as did
some who weren't.
"When he died, Ted was working on a collected edition of
PITFCS for hardcover publication. I hope someone can see this
project through; it will form a valuable social document for our
times.
"I hope I'm not giving you ideas. How's your health?"
ARTHUR HLAVATY: "I'm not sure if Avedon's been misinformed
about the big book chains banning Delany, Hambly ET AL for all-
eged gay content, or if news of such things reaches England
before it reaches North Carolina, but the local [North Carolina]
B.Dalton's and Waldenbooks not only haven't kicked those
miscreants out, but they've got big display bins of the latest
Rita Mae Brown right up front."
[Rita Mae who? Oh god, another cultural gap. DRL]
PATRICK NIELSEN HAYDEN: "It's the new Neveryon book, not THE
SPLENDOUR AND MISERY OF BODIES, OF CITIES, which is `in the
publication process': entitled THE BRIDGE OF LOST DESIRE, it
should be out as a hardcover from Arbor House late this fall.
Contents: a new novella, other new Neveryon fiction, a revised
version of `The Tale of Gorgik' from TALES OF NEVERYON (1979),
and a lengthy critical essay by Chip's critical alter ego
`K.Leslie Steiner'. THE SPLENDOUR AND MISERY, on the other hand,
has been `stalled on page 161 for several months', according to
Chip in a phone call ten minutes ago.
[That particular item came from a bundle of computer-net
gossip forwarded by Peter Mabey: the writer was a fan who
claimed to have "personally spoken" to Chip Delany and
heard this. Never trust a hacker. DRL]
MALCOLM EDWARDS: "I can't believe Avedon's theory about Del
Rey. Corporate publishers don't give editors that much autonomy
with best-selling authors; CF del Rey's well publicized falling-
out with Stephen Donaldson, where Ballantine went to great
lengths to find him a more sympathetic editor (their Subsidiary
Rights Director, as it turned out)."
MARTIN MORSE WOOSTER confirms: ""Secrets from the Del Rey
Files". It turns out that, in Judy-Lynn's last years, the house
of Del Rey had THREE major editors. Judy-Lynn handled SF; Lester
handled fantasy; and an anonymous junior editor was detailed to
spend her time exclusively editing the mighty Stephen
R.Donaldson. My mole reports that Donaldson's copy was so vile
that Lester refused to touch it, delegating all responsibility
to sub-editors. (Donaldson is on a special shortlist of writers
whose work Lester can't stand, but whom he bought Because They
Sold. Other writers on this select list are Terry Brooks and
Piers Anthony.)
""Special Interests Department". David Brin has reaped mighty
rewards from THE POSTMAN. US postal unions are selling the book
through union mail-order catalogues, and one union even presented
Brian with a huge crystal goblet at their annual convention.
`I've got to find another special interest to pander to,' Brin
says....
""Moorcock Censorship Horror"! US fans waiting for Michael
Moorcock's FANTASY: THE 100 BEST NOVELS will have to wait a while
longer. The book has been delayed until the spring of 1988
because of US publisher Carroll and Graf's insistence that
Moorcock remove three novels--including THE STORY OF O--from his
`best' list on the ground that they're pornographic. `Libraries
will never buy a book advocating filth,' this publisher
reportedly said. No word as to Moorcock's reaction; maybe the
British edition of the book could be traded to US fans for copies
of SPYCATCHER....
[ANSIBLE's roving drinker Martin Hoare visited Philadelphia
recently and picked up some copies of the book Maggie
Thatcher doesn't want us to read. "You must be English,"
they said at the bookshop. "Nobody buys this thing except
tourists and political science students." I was able to
confirm my suspicion that MI5 activities consist wholly of
elderly chaps forever asking each other whether in 1935
they'd been blackmailed into becoming homosexuals.... DRL]
CHRIS PRIEST: "You shouldn't feel obliged to include all this
tedious stuff in ANSIBLE. You're not the Congressional Record.
Why print boring letters from Martin Morse Wooster?"
NEIL GAIMAN: "The August KNAVE book review column is the all-
integrity issue in which a number of authors get to review their
own books. These include Brosnan reviewing WORM, and JohnPaul
GrantBarnett reviewing both his ADVANCED TRIVIA QUIZ BOOK and
something called EARTHDOOM! (which he wrote with some other
bloke)....
"I had a phone call from my editor at TODAY. She said she
expected I knew all about Dungeons & Dragons. I hastily claimed
more knowledge than I actually possess, scenting the possibility
of writing a huge article on D&D. Then she told me what the
article would be: an expose in which my task would be to find
people whose lives had been destroyed, who had gone bankrupt or
become obsessed by Black Magic, who had committed acts of
appalling violence, or died, as a result of their connection with
D&D, or reading WHITE DWARF, or whatever. This is apparently in
response to US Moral Majority complaints about D&D being a
Satanist tool or something. I declined to help.
[Footnote: when Ian Pemble was editor, KNAVE published much
SF/humour by writers known in fandom. Neil's book column is
now the last remnant of this era, the current editor having
decided that too much literacy and wit might alienate the
readership.... I asked WHITE DWARF coven leader Mike
Brunton if he'd been exposed lately, and he tearfully
confessed to "a phone call from a journalist (I use the
word in its loosest possible sense) from the SUNDAY SPORT,
looking for an I THREW MYSELF OUT OF A WINDOW WHILE WEARING
REMARKABLY FEW CLOTHES AT A GAY NUNS IN BONDAGE D&D PARTY
story. Never having been invited to such a do, I couldn't
help. Why do other people have interesting lives?"]
DAVID S.GARNETT: "Comrade Hugo Nominee.... When I saw you on
the Thursday before the trivial General Election voting, you
mentioned that you might be issuing another ANSIBLE before the
really important voting: the Hugos. If so, and if you're
unwilling to reprint `Still Life' as I requested, maybe you could
run an unpaid advert (with your inimitable witty and astute
editorial comments, of course) as follows: `If, before giving
"Still Life" their first place Hugo vote, anyone would like to
read the story, a copy can be had in exchange for a 9"x6"
envelope, stamped to the value of 26p, from David Garnett....'
Not that I expect anyone to bother. I probably stand more chance
if no one does.
"Nelson at Waterloo, Wellington at Trafalgar (or was it
Trafalgar at the Wellington?), Montgomery at El Alamein, Sandie
Shaw at the Eurovision Song Contest--next on this honourable roll
of glittering British victories is Brighton '87!
"Asimov, Bear, Kelly, Springer--I wonder if any of them are
Scientologists?"
[Most of the above seems to have something to do with the
short story Hugo. I think. DRL]
MAL ASHWORTH sent a change of address for "history's very
latest neo-capitalist, idle nouveau riche D. (for Denarii) West,
who nowadays talks more of Unit Trusts than of Hugo
Nominations.... And then, of course, there's a COA for the Leeds
Group As A Hole. Country cousins or not, we couldn't let the
London lot get away with exojetsetting from the One Tun without
doing something about it, so we moved too--no, not to the One Tun
but to the Griffin. This is on Boar Lane, even nearer to the
railway station than is the West Riding, but in the other
direction (turn RIGHT when you come out of the station). The beer
is 6p a pint dearer but you get a better class of hangover, as
well as armchairs. So unprecedentedly popular has this move
proved that even Michael Ashley has reappeared from under the van
which removed a certain portion of his dental portfolio.
(Consequently, when we have exhausted the subject of Unit Trusts
we talk quite a lot about teeth. It is an experience not to be
missed, watching someone who still has L plates on his new false
set trying to snarl and still keep the unaccustomed autonomous
Hampstead Heath in their allotted places. Oh, we are a zany
crowd.)
"Who is this `palaeolithic fan' `Sid Barnes' you report as
turning up at Conception? I was unofficially in charge of Old
Fart Liaison at the affair and I didn't meet `Sid Barnes'. The
only `Sid Barnes' I have subsequently encountered is in a Vince
Clarke write-up of Conception in the Daventry-published
Proceedings of the Innermost Temple of the Most Secret Order of
the Amazingly Elite Corps of the Purest of the Distilled Trufans
of All Ages. Now Vince, if you haven't sussed, is a darling man
but lives in a parallel universe to the rest of us, inhabited by
shadowy creatures with names like `Rachel Dorey' and `Sid Barnes'
etc. For accredited primary sources, that is to say, Vincent is
definitely not your man. But, for the historical record of THIS
universe, there WAS at Conception a palaeolithic fan, long-time
friend of George Airey, by the name of BERT WARNES. And I know
he's real--at 77, he's probably considerably more real than I am-
-because he has just, at my request, produced a short article in
appreciation of early 30s fan Douglas Mayer....
[I eagerly await the 2000-word sequel to Mal's letter,
which will remind us of WHEN the Leeds Group meets.]
GEORGE HAY: "Copy attached of Virago handout re Arthur C.
Clarke Award. This handout was supposed to be available and
promoted at the time of Fred Clarke's official presentation to
Margaret Attwood at the Shaw Theatre. In fact there was no sign
of it; outside Fred's actual presentation, there was no mention
at the event of the roles of the SF Foundation, the BSFA or the
International Science Policy Foundation. The Award judges were
all given balcony seats so far from the platform that we would
have needed a Moon Launcher to address to Attwood. And none of
us were invited to the reception which I believe was held later.
Boo-hoo! While we didn't break our hearts over this, we all found
the situation rather sour. Being of a persistent nature I did
later get Virago's new publicity lady--not responsible for the
foul-up--to issue the handout as attached, mentioning the BSFA
etc...."
[One drunken pundit hinted that Margaret Attwood was
distinctly underwhelmed by the #1000 award: after all, THE
HANDMAID'S TALE had just sold for a US paperback advance of
$605,000. DRL]
DAVID R.SMITH: "Now that you are going to chop down the
mailing list, am I going to enter into a long spiel, pleading
with you to carry on, or at least not to drop me from the list?
As it happens, no. I enjoy ANSIBLE, but I'm just not fannish
enough to be able to put up a convincing case...."
[This continues with lashings of uncritical praise, enough
to keep anyone on the list (though offbeat news or scandal
would be even better). ANSIBLE has never demanded signed
certificates of fannishness--whatever that may be--and
promises not to run the E-meter over prospective
recipients. DRL]
W.E.COOPER: "I'm sorry you feel as you do regarding Ussher and
his 4004 creation date. I do most sincerely believe that were you
to read Genesis with an unbiased mind you would see that Ussher's
4004 was the creation of man and not of the earth. As further
proof of his data see the enclosed re Daniel's visions... they
are right up to date. Regarding the other enclosures I trust you
will find them interesting... one must realize that the world is
in an awful mess and Christ must come soon to restore law and
order and so end all this sin and wickedness."
[Letters like this arrive every so often, via the publish-
ers of FACTS & FALLACIES and/or my UFO spoof. Mr Cooper's
proof is indeed earth-shattering: it seems Halley was born
the year Archbishop Ussher died, and "We know it takes
Halley's Comet 76 years to complete one orbit but are you
aware that if you add 2000 AD to Ussher's 4004 BC and
divide the total by 76 it goes exactly 79 times." Since
"1986 is actually the year 2000" this shows via devious
intermediate steps that Jesus Christ will return on or
before 26 June 1987. I rarely answer these letters, but
some are entertaining: another correspondent has discovered
after 25 years' "archaeo-biology" that the brain works
exactly like a cheap computer--it even has a keyboard, I'm
not sure where--and can be reprogrammed in BASIC to improve
your personality no end. Heigh-ho. DRL]
### C.O.A. ###
TONY BERRY, Flat 1, 17 Hilton Rd, Mapperley, Nottingham, NG3 6AN
:: BERNADETTE BOSKY & ARTHUR D.HLAVATY, PO Box 52028, Durham, NC
27717, USA :: MIKE CHRISTIE & SHERRY COLDSMITH, Ty Llyn,
Llangorse, Brecon, Powys, LD3 7TR :: JONATHAN COLECLOUGH, c/o
Digital Type Systems, The Jam Factory, 27 Park End St, Oxford,
OX1 1HU :: JONATHAN COWIE, 5 Charlieville Rd, Erith, Kent, DA8
1HJ :: IAIN DICKSON, 54 Valentines Way, Rush Green, nr Romford,
Essex :: ALAN & ROCHELLE DOREY, 7 Conway Close, Houghton Regis,
Dunstable, Beds, LU5 5SB :: MIKE FORD, 27 Stanmore Crescent,
Leeds, LS4 2RY :: RICHARD FRANK, PO Box 234, Avis, PA 17721 USA
:: ABIGAIL FROST, 95 Wilmot St, London, E.2 :: NEIL GAIMAN, 4
Littlemead, Nutley, East Sussex, TN22 3LP :: PAUL & ANGIE
HESKETT*, ICL (Reading) Club, 53 Blagrave St, Reading, Berks, RG1
1PZ :: MALCOLM HODKIN, 3 Main St, Strathkinness, Fife, KY16 ::
K.J.KNIGHT, 178a Gipsy Rd, London, SE27 9RE :: LEE MONTGOMERIE,
53 Riviera Gdns, Leeds, LS7 3DW :: CHARLES PLATT*, 594 Broadway,
Room 1208, New York, NY 10012, USA :: NIGEL RICHARDSON, c/o 28
Duckett Rd, London, N4 1BN :: DEB & MIKE ROHAN, 16 Helmsley Rd,
West Park, Leeds, LS16 5JA :: GARY STRATMANN, 68 Eden Rd,
Walthamstow, London, E17 9JY :: PASCAL THOMAS, c/o Librairie
Ailleurs, 28 rue Pharaon, 31000 Toulouse, France :: PETER
A.TYERS, 114 Shakespeare Way, Taverham, Norwich, Norfolk, NR8 6TZ
:: D.WEST, 17 Carlisle St, Keighley, West Yorks, BD21 4PX :: OWEN
WHITEOAK, Top Flat, 11 Horsell Rd, Highbury, London, N5 1XL ::
MARC WILLNER, 84 Sandwich Rd (21), Bourne, MA 02532, USA :: *Late
entry--sorry.
### GHOST OF HONOUR SPEECH ###
[One interesting item at Beccon was this talk, written by
famous PATRICK PARRINDER and delivered by a skiffy author
whose aspect, manner and squeaks of indignation were held
to be highly authentic.]
Ladies and gentlemen....
I want to make it quite plain that I am here under false
pretences, and against my will. I have been given a few minutes
to explain my presence here this morning, though I must tell you
that it is as much of a surprise to me as it undoubtedly is to
you. First of all, I am not the person that you may mistakenly
think I am. I am not Mr Ian Watson, even though just at present
I seem to be the inhabitant of his body. Mr Ian Watson is, I am
told, a science-fiction writer, with a certain admiration for
some rather trifling books I once wrote. Whether his admiration
will survive this experiment in which he and I have become so
curiously entangled, I cannot say. As I am the present inhabitant
of Mr Watson's body, he, I can only suppose, is currently making
free with mine. Mr Watson, I am told, bears a certain physical
resemblance to me in my sprightlier and younger days. But I must
assure you that the brain that is speaking to you from inside his
body is not his. It is mine.
I am trying to outline these confusing matters to you as
clearly as possibly. When I left home this morning, I distinctly
remember the date. It was April 19th, 1932. I was being driven
in a hired limousine, and with me in my briefcase was the speech
I intended to give at a weekend conference run by the younger
members of the Fabian Society. These conferences are rather jolly
affairs, as they tend to attract a number of intelligent young
men and pretty and intelligent young women. On the whole I find
that the young women make more attentive listeners than the young
men. The subject of my paper was to be "The World of our
Grandchildren"--though from my point of view, as I am 65, it
would have been "The World of our Great-Grandchildren". I wonder
what has happened to that paper. Perhaps at this very moment Mr
Ian Watson is reading it to an audience somewhere--though if he
should find himself at that Fabian conference, he would do better
to tear it up and speak from his own experience. Mr Watson, I
understand, is almost young enough to be one of my great-grand-
children.
Now when I am in my own body I am a notoriously incompetent
speaker. I fiddle with my tie, lose my place, drop my notes, and
my voice either dwindles into inaudibility or is mercilessly
distorted by the public-address system. If I do not have a speech
all written down beforehand I am left wordless, tongue-tied,
squeaking and gibbering. Happily on this occasion I do not seem
to be in so much of a funk as usual. Perhaps Mr Watson, like my
friend Bernard Shaw, is a more gifted mountebank than I am.
Certainly his body, unlike mine, feels relatively calm and
collected on a public platform.
The fact is that I am a little nervous, but for a rather
different reason. I understand that not only are you an audience
of my great-grandchildren, so to speak, but you are an audience
of "science-fiction fans". "Science fiction" did not exist in my
day unless you count some horribly cheap magazines published by
a swindling American called Hugo Gernsback. I know about Mr
Gernsback and his little ways, since he is in the habit of
reprinting my stories without my permission and without paying
any fees. But even Mr Gernsback in his wildest dreams could not
have imagined this extraordinary Convention in which I find
myself. I have learned to my horror that this gathering includes
people who count themselves, in this year of 1987, among my most
loyal and enthusiastic readers. I can only hope that what I have
to say will bring them to their senses. I have to tell you that
the fantastic tales of scientific inventions which I wrote in my
youth were the merest apprentice-work, on which I cut my teeth
as a writer before turning to more serious tasks. I have asked
to be allowed to speak to you so that I can urge you to give up
reading scientific romance and turn to the serious business
facing the world. I want to ask you to turn from reading Science
Fiction to building an Utopian World State.
Before I explain my ideas about the World State and the Open
Conspiracy, let me try to say in a little more detail how I came
to be here. I think I heard the person who introduced me
suggesting that I might have travelled to this Convention in a
time machine. I am afraid that he was guilty of a ridiculous
error. The time machine of which I wrote in my youth was only a
speculative device. Incidentally, I am told that Mr Ian Watson
once published a story called "The Very Slow Time Machine". If
this was meant as a flattering allusion to my work it has sadly
misfired. The whole point about time machines is that, if they
existed, they would move very fast. In any case, I did not travel
here on a time machine. I came here by car.
When I arrived, another member of your Committee suggested
that I might have come by the method described in a little story
I once wrote, "The Stolen Body". It is true that I seem to have
stolen Mr Watson's body. However, my story was written so long
ago that I have not the slightest idea whether it is relevant or
not. As I have said, I came here by limousine. I used to enjoy
driving myself, in a jerky and approximate fashion, but nowadays
when I have somewhere to get to I employ a chauffeur. The young
man who turned up to drive me this morning seemed perfectly
normal. As we drove along I was too busy making some last-minute
amendments to my speech to notice the landscape. I may have
nodded off for a minute or two. When I woke up I was puzzled to
find that the chauffeur addressed me as "Mr Watson".
Whether I have stolen Mr Watson's body, or whether he has
stolen mine, is I confess something of a mystery to me. His is
a fairly agreeable sort of body, though when I caught sight of
it in the driving mirror I did suffer a most unpleasant shock.
Also, I begin to feel some anxiety as to what Mr Watson is up to
in my body--assuming that is where he is, and that we are not
caught up in some intricate game of physical musical chairs. I
hope he takes good care of my body, while he is inside it. He
will need to give it regular exercise, fresh air, and a carefully
controlled diet--since I am, or was, a diabetic. He will find my
body's sexual urges a little troublesome, I dare say. He will
need to seek out attractive and intelligent members of the
opposite sex in order to give these urges some relief. I hope
this necessity does not put Mr Watson under too much strain. He
is probably accustomed to a very different and much duller sort
of life.
Now let me come to the real reasons why I wanted to be allowed
to speak to you. When my chauffeur addressed me as "Mr Watson",
I asked him what the date was and where we were. He said it was
1987 and that we were driving through the outskirts of
Birmingham. I confess that I was not as elated by this as I might
have hoped. In fact I was conscious of considerable dismay.
Looking around me, I soon realized that the world of my
grandchildren was a world in which people could not possibly have
read any of my serious books. If they had read my serious books
they would have planned and organized and cleared away the dirt
and ugliness I glimpsed around me. You see, to me your world of
1987 is rather like my world of 1932. All my life I have dreamed
of an ordered and spacious society, an educated and disciplined
world of the future. The alternative, I believed, was stark
catastrophe. But I arrive in 1987 and I find that you are content
to muddle along in the same wasteful and outdated fashion as my
contemporaries did.
It is true that before I came on this platform I asked your
Committee what mankind had achieved in the past 55 years. Their
answers at first were difficult to understand, but finally I made
out that they were speaking of space-rockets, atom bombs, and
electronic brains. Perhaps they were disappointed by my response.
I had expected that you would have built the new world order, and
brought about world peace. All you have done is to develop
various inventions which are anticipated either in my books, or
in those of one or two of my forward-looking contemporaries.
Moreover, your scientists have been content to leave control of
the world in the hands of the politicians and military men.
Scientific research as a result is largely misdirected. It is
plain to me that your age is in as much need of my ideas of the
World State and the Open Conspiracy as were my contemporaries.
I feel that I am coming to the end of my allotted time on this
platform, but I have not even begun to address you on these
urgent matters. I would like to speak of the World State, of
World education, World history, the World encyclopaedia and the
Open Conspiracy. I would like to discuss how we are to stop HOMO
SAPIENS from pursuing his present blind and suicidal path. I will
not develop these matters further this morning. But this
afternoon I intend to ask your chairman to suspend your regular
proceedings so that we can debate them fully. If I am not here
to do so, you will know that I have got my own body back and that
I am busy expounding the same themes to the 1932 conference of
the Young Fabians. You will, no doubt, wish to carry on this
crucial debate in my absence.
Let me end, however, on a more personal note. Of all the many
science-fiction writers who have claimed to be prophets, I am the
first one to have actually visited the future. It is, I admit,
a rather unnerving experience. But once I have got my own body
back from Mr Watson it is plain what I shall do. I shall set to
work on a novel describing this queer world of 1987, how it came
into existence and where it is leading. Then I will travel round
the world and unfold the results of my researches to Mr Roosevelt
and Mr Stalin. No doubt they will see the necessity of amending
their policies instantly. Now I realize that if I tell my readers
EXACTLY what I have seen in the year 1987 they will not believe
me. I shall have to make some of it up. I shall certainly not
mention anything so undignified as my appearance at this
Convention.
I think I shall call this new novel of mine THE SHAPE OF
THINGS TO COME. Rather a good title, don't you think? I expect
it to be published in 1933, and I shall then talk to Mr Alexander
Korda about the film rights. Before I go I must confess that,
after all, I am beginning to enjoy this world of 1987. There is
something pleasantly informal about it. Some of your young ladies
would, I suspect, make extremely congenial company. But I think
I had better go back and write THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME before
Mr Ian Watson steals my idea. I am sure he is an expert on 1987
but he would be bound to make a frightful mess of writing about
it. Besides, I am beginning to find his body rather a tight and
uncomfortable fit. In my mature years I have needed a good deal
more room to bulge and sag and flop about in than Mr Watson's
body seems to provide.
By the way, I see that I must be a little more modest than you
may have thought, since I have still to tell you who I am. My
name probably means as little to most of you as does Mr Watson's
to whatever audience he is currently addressing himself. But,
ladies and gentlemen, my name is--or was--H.G.Wells.
### CONTINENTAL CALAMITIES ###
Gosh, there's been some stormy weather in Eurofandom. Two press
releases follow....
"WHY JOHN BRUNNER WILL NOT BE AT THE FRENCH NATIONAL SF CON"
(by JB): "I have attended and enjoyed many SF cons in France.
After a period of some years during which they were not very well
organized, the one at Lille in September 1986 made a most
favourable impression on me, and when I received a verbal
invitation to the 1987 con I promptly accepted.
"Much water subsequently flowed under the bridge, including a
change of venue, but I let six months or so elapse before trying
to find out what in the world was going on. I still don't know.
"My friend and colleague Ian Watson informs me that he, and
other people in Britain, have received progress reports--which
state, apparently, that I am going to be present. I'd have been
interested to see copies of these PRs. In fact, all I have ever
received from the organizers is a one-page flyer and a sheet of
letterhead blank save for the address.
"I had gone to some slight trouble. The possibility arose of
my combining a trip to the Montpellier con with Beneluxcon the
following weekend, which would greatly have reduced the financial
burden on both committees. Unfortunately the Dutch organizers had
to withdraw their invitation, owing to lack of funds. On 1 June,
having received a letter to say so, I wrote as a matter of
urgency to M.Gilles Murat asking for written confirmation that
during the con I would be teaching at a writers' workshop;
supported by it, I planned to ask for a British Council
subvention.
"Although I wrote in French, he didn't bother to answer.
"I wrote again on 25 June. He still didn't answer.
"In the meantime I learned from Ian Watson that other people
invited from Britain had been rung up to discuss details of
travel arrangements. Two weeks ago he further told me that a
M.Pierre-Paul Durastanti, who had spoken to him on the phone, had
promised to contact me within a few days.
"That didn't happen, either.
"I consider the committee to have behaved with extreme
discourtesy, and I wish it to be known that anyone who goes to
Montpellier in the expectation of meeting me there will feel let
down, as I do at this moment. VERB. SAP." [JKHB]
[Old-time ANSIBLE readers will know that this is the cue
for Harry Harrison to write in and controvert.... Your
editor would also like to hear from M.Durastanti, who
begged innumerable manuscripts for wondrous SF projects in
1983, and has yet to return any, pay for any, or answer my
"What the hell's happening?" query dated September 1984.
DRL]
"CHEATING IN SEFF" (by Ahrvid Engholm): "The 1987 race in the
Scandinavian-European Fan Fund (SEFF) has caused one of the
greatest scandals ever in Swedish fandom. SEFF works like TAFF
and other fan funds, and sends fans between Scandinavian
countries and the rest of Europe. The 1987 race aimed for
Conspiracy, the worldcon in Brighton, and the `winner' was
decided by substantial cheating.
"Official Swedish administrator figures claim that out of a
total of 229 votes cast, the Swede Anders Bellis defeated the
Norwegian candidate Johan Schimanski with 112 votes to 107. (In
the final round of counting the Australian system is used. There
was actually a third candidate, Jan Risheden.)
"However, a few hours before the deadline Schimanski had a
majority of about 20 votes!. It appears that the Bellis campaign
phoned around for new votes the day of the deadline, scraping up
a majority for themselves by `proxies'. The SEFF ballot is very
clear on this point: votes must be signed by the voter--no
proxies. Even more of a scandal was the fact that the Swedish
SEFF administrator Maths Claesson personally helped the Bellis
campaign. Just before the deadline he informed them that they
were losing, and forwarded [AE's word. Promoted? Suggested? DRL]
the idea of using last-minute proxies to change the result.
"Here are a few lines from an interview with Maths Claesson
made by the Swedish SF newsletter FANYTT:
"CLAESSON: Yes, I informed them about the votes just before
the deadline. A number of votes were delivered by proxies, and
I accepted them. FANYTT [i.e. Engholm]: Can you say how many
votes were delivered by proxies the day of and the day before the
deadline? CLAESSON: No, I don't want to. FANYTT: Why? CLAESSON:
I tell the final results of the voting, nothing more. FANYTT: We
estimate that 15-20 votes were phoned for just before the
deadline. Can you confirm or deny this? CLAESSON: (silence).
"The affair has aroused a cry of shame [sic] in Swedish
fandom. There's pressure building up to `overrule' the
administrator's acts and decisions, and declare the Norwegian
Johan Schimanski as winner. The British SEFF administrator Jim
Barker, who had nothing to do with the alleged cheating, has
expressed his deep concern, suggesting that the whole race should
be declared void.
"Meanwhile, a great Scandinavian fuss is expected at
Conspiracy, and even legal actions for fraud." [AE]
...Oh dear, here we go again. Always something new out of
Sweden. "Further details reach me every day," Ahrvid adds
bloodthirstily, "like the Bellis campaign stating themselves on
the afternoon of the deadline day that they then had 94-95
votes." Nothing so far received here reflects badly on Anders
Bellis himself, which is worth bearing in mind should he make the
trip. I also note that ANSIBLE's desultory coverage of Swedish
upsets can seem one-sided because usually only AE sends reports:
there's supposed to be a rival press release from AB, but I
haven't seen it.
For the opposition, Kaj Harju tells me that "there is some
facts quite wrong (and most people are sure that Engholm is
mad)... very few fans in Sweden want anything to do with him and
it is hard for him to know things as they actually are". Most of
KH's assertions are not quite to the point: AE has been voted
Swedish Fugghead of 1986 in a poll run by KOLON (AB's fanzine);
there is a mysterious counter-allegation about Norwegian block
voting; "AE states that he is working with LFP/Nova [John-Henri
Holmberg's publishing outfit, where MC and AB work]--that's
wrong, he has been refusing to give back the keys since they
kicked him out early this year"; AE is guilty of vandalism and
assault at Swedish cons; etc. KH successfully challenges a couple
of AE's more strained interpretations of "evidence", but doesn't
address himself to the central issue.
What evidence? Reading the "scandal" issue of FANYTT in this
light, I boggled: "It so happens that [AE] is a freelance
employee of the same firm that the SEFF administrator Maths
Claesson works for, LFP publishers in Stockholm, and we have our
own keys to their office. One day when we paid it a visit, there
were all the SEFF ballots in a corner!" Some are reproduced,
clearly "proxies" or votes received by phone. I can't--despite
AE's claim--find an explicit prohibition of telephone voting on
the ballot form, and suspect it's harmless for administrators to
accept (personally) phoned votes from fans known to them. But
besides such worrying items as ballots apparently signed by John-
Henri Holmberg on behalf of his relatives, MC does seem to have
admitted that AB's clinching votes were drummed up at the last
minute as the result of a self-confessed leak. Which is
definitely Not On.
(Fandom's amateur lawyers will be glad to learn that even more
than TAFF's, the minimalist SEFF rules rely heavily on good will
and contain loopholes you could drive a Chris Foss spaceship
through: no mention of confidentiality or administrative
impartiality, and only an implication--the word "Signature"
against a blank space on the form--that votes should be signed.
Similarly, the rules don't prohibit administrators from setting
fire to any ballots they don't agree with. You can't cover
everything.)
The general level of abuse suggests that all this is linked
with the long-term, pan-Swedish fan feud. KH sends pages of
smears about AE but fails to dispute the accuracy of the
Claesson/Engholm exchange above. Neither does AE confine himself
to facts: FANYTT offers disgraceful statements like "Bellis
despite cheating didn't have a majority according to the
Australian system (111 is less than half of 227)". The hint that
AB personally cheated may be an accident of syntax, but the Aust-
ralian ballot is slyly misrepresented (by quoting the total votes
cast--now amended to 227--rather than the 219 remaining after the
third candidate's elimination. 111 is not less than half of 219)
in order to make it seem that MC also fiddled the counting.
At least we managed to get through the TAFF controversies
without anyone sneaking into administrators' offices to conduct
searches....
### ALIEN CHRISTMAS: TERRY PRATCHETT ###
[This postprandial speech from Beccon's "Christmas Dinner"
helped delay the present ANSIBLE: for several weeks I gave
up in a fit of pique at Terry's vile act of sending a spare
copy to MATRIX. But then I thought of all my non-BSFA
readers, and couldn't resist using the only item ever to
reach ANSIBLE on disk....]
This is a great idea, isn't it? So much nicer to have Christmas
at this time of the year instead of at the end of December, when
the shops are always so crowded. Reminds me of those clips you
used to get in The Queen's Christmas broadcast to the
Commonwealth back in the 50s, with the traditional shot of
Australians eating chilled prawns, roast turkey and Christmas
pudding on Bondi beach. There was always a Christmas tree planted
in the sand. It was decorated with what I now realize was
probably vomit.
Last week I got this fortune cookie sort of printout which
said YOUR ROLE IS EATER. I thought fantastic, I like role-playing
games, I've never been an Eater before, I wonder how many hit
points it has?
And then I saw another printout underneath it which said that
at 2200 my role was After Dinner Speaker, which is something
you'd expect to find only in the very worst dungeon, a monster
lurching around in a white frilly shirt looking for an audience.
Three hours later the explorers are found bored rigid, their
coffee stone cold, the brick-thick after dinner mint melted in
their hands.
That reminds me why I gave up Dungeons and Dragons. There were
too many monsters. Back in the old days you could go around a
dungeon without meeting much more than a few orcs and lizard men,
but then everyone started inventing monsters and pretty soon it
was a case of, bugger the magic sword, what you really needed to
be the complete adventurer was the Marcus L.Rowland fifteen-
volume guide to Monsters and the ability to read very, very fast,
because if you couldn't recognize them from the outside you
pretty soon got the chance to try looking at them from the wrong
side of their tonsils.
Anyway, this bit of paper said I was to talk about Alien
Christmases, which was handy, because I always like to know what
subject it is I'm straying away from. I'll give it a try, I've
been a lot of bad things in my time although, praise the Lord,
I've never been a Blake's 7 fan.
Not that Christmases aren't pretty alien in any case.It's a
funny old thing, but when ever you see pictures of Santa Claus
he's always got the same toys in his sack. A teddy, a dolly, a
trumpet and a wooden engine. Always. Sometimes he also has a few
red and white striped candy canes. Heaven knows why, you never
see them in the shops, and if any kids asks for a wooden engine
these days it means he lives at the bottom of a hole on a desert
island and has never heard of television, because last Christmas
my daughter got a lot of toys, a few cars, a plane, stuff like
that, and the thing about them was this. Every single one of them
was a robot.
Not just a simple robot. I know what robots are supposed to
look like, I had a robot when I was a kid. You could tell it was
a robot, it had two cogwheels going round in its chest and its
eyes lit up when you turned its key, and why not, so would yours.
And I had a Magic Robot... well, we all had one, didn't we? And
when we got fed up with the smug way he spun around on his mirror
getting all the right answers we cut them out and stuck them down
differently for the sheer hell of it, gosh, weren't we devils.
But these new robots are subversive. They are robots in
disguise.
There's this sort of robot war going on around us. I haven't
quite figured it out yet, although the kids seem incredibly well-
informed on the subject. It appears that you can tell the good
robots from the bad robots because the good robots have got human
heads, a bit like that scene in Saturn Five, you remember, where
the robot gets the idea that the best way to look human is hack
someone's head off and stick it on your antenna. They all look
like an American footballer who's been smashed through a
Volkswagen.
They go around saving the universe from another bunch of
robots, saving the universe in this case consisting of great
laser battles. The universe doesn't look that good by the time
they've saved it, but by golly, it's saved.
Anyway, none of her presents looked like it was supposed to.
A collection of plastic rocks turned out to be Rock Lords, with
exciting rocky names like Boulder and Nugget. Yes, another bunch
of bloody robots.
In fact the only Christmassy thing in our house was the crib,
and I'm not certain that at a touch of a button it wouldn't
transform and the Mary and Josephoids would battle it out with
the Three Kingons.
Weirdest of the lot, though, is Kraak, Prince of Darkness. At
#14.95 he must be a bargain for a prince of darkness. He's a
Zoid, probably from the planet Zoid in the galaxy of Zoid,
because while the models are pretty good the storyline behind
them is junk, the science fiction equivalent of a McDonalds
hamburger. I like old Kraak, though, because it only took the
whole of Christmas morning to put him together. He's made of red
and grey plastic, an absolute miracle of polystyrene technology,
and he looks like a chicken that's been dead for maybe three
months. Stuff two batteries up his robot bum and he starts to
terrorize the universe as advertised, and he does it like this,
what he does is, he walks about nine inches ver--ry slowly and
painfully, while dozens of little plastic pistons thrash about,
and then he falls over.
Kraak has got the kind of instinct for survival that makes a
kamikaze pilot look like the Green Cross Code man. I don't know
what the terrain is like up there on Zoid, but he finds it pretty
difficult to travel over the average living room carpet. No
wonder he terrorizes the universe, it must be pretty frightening,
having a thousand tons of war robot collapse on top of you and
lie there with its little feet pathetically going round and
round. You want to commit suicide in sympathy. Oh, and he's got
this other fiendish weapon, his head comes off and rolls under
the sofa. Pretty scary, that. We've tested him out with other
Zoids, and I'm here to tell you that the technology of robot
fighting machines, basically, is trying to fall over in front of
your opponent and trip him up. It's a hard job, because the
natural instinct of all Zoids is to fall over as soon as you take
your hand away.
But even Kraak has problems compared with a robot that was
proudly demonstrated to us by the lad next door. A Transformer,
I think it was. It isn't just made of one car or plane, it's a
whole fleet of vehicles which, when disaster threatens, assemble
themselves into one great big fighting machine. That's the
theory, anyway. My bet is that at the moment of truth the bloody
thing will have to go into battle half finished because its torso
is grounded at Gatwick and its left leg is stuck in a traffic jam
outside Luton.
We recently saw SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE. Anyone else seen it?
Pretty dreadful, the only laugh is where they apparently let the
reindeer snort coke in order to get them to fly. No wonder Rudolf
had a red nose, he spends half the time with a straw stuck up it.
Anyway, you get to see Santa's workshop. Just as I thought.
Every damn toy is made of wood, painted in garish primary
colours. It might have been possible, in fact I suppose it's
probably inevitable, that if you pressed the right switch on the
rocking horses and jolly wooden dolls they turned into robots,
but I doubt it. I looked very carefully over the whole place and
there wasn't a single plastic extrusion machine. Not a single elf
looked as though he knew which end to hold a soldering iron. None
of the really traditional kids' toys were there--no Rambos, no
plastic models of the Karate kid, none of those weird little
spelling and writing machines designed to help your child talk
like a NASA launch controller with sinus trouble and a mental age
of five.
Now, I've got a theory to account for this. Basically, it
is that Father Christmases are planet-specific and we've got the
wrong one.
I suspect it was the atom bomb tests in the early 50s that
warped the, you know, the fabric of time and space and that.
Secret tests at the North Pole opened up this, you know, sort of
hole between the dimensions, and all the stuff made by our Father
Christmas is somehow diverted to Zoid or wherever and we get all
the stuff he makes, and since he's a robot made out of plastic
he only makes the things he's good at.
The people it's really tough on are the kids on Zoid. They
wake up on Christmas morning, unplug themselves from their
recharger units, clank to the end of the bed (pausing only to
fall over once or twice) playfully zapping one another with their
megadeath lasers, look into their portable pedal extremity
enclosures and what do they find? Not the playful, cuddly death-
dealing instruments of mayhem that they have been led to expect,
but wooden trains, trumpets, rag dolls and those curly red and
white sugar walking sticks that you never see in real life. Toys
that don't need batteries. Toys that you don't have put together.
Toys with varnish on instead of plastic. Alien toys.
And, because of this amazing two-way time warp thingy, our
kids get the rest. Weird plastic masters of the universe which
are to the imagination what sandpaper is to a tomato. Alien toys.
Maybe it's being done on purpose, to turn them all into Zoids.
Like the song says--you'd better watch out.
I don't think it will work, though. I took a look into my
daughter's dolls'-house. Old Kraak has been hanging out there
since his batteries ran out and his mega cannons fell off. Mr T
has been there for a couple of years, ever since she found out
he could wear Barbie's clothes, and I see that some plastic cat
woman is living in the bathroom.
I don't know why, but what I saw in there gave me hope. Kraak
was having a tea party with a mechanical dog, two Playpeople and
three dolls. He wasn't trying to zap ANYONE. No matter what Santa
Claws throws at us, we can beat him....
And now your mummies and daddies are turning up to take you
home; be sure to pick up your balloons and Party Loot bags, and
remember that Father Christmas will soon be along to give
presents to all the good boys and girls who've won awards.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE NEARLY REVEALED: Bill Gibson, briefly
reduced to speechlessness, passes on a letter inviting him to
contribute to a new SFWA book on how to write skiffy. "We hope
that you might write something for us on the topic of WRITING
CYBERPUNK SF." (Their boldface.) I have a fond vision of the
simultaneous letter to Brian Aldiss, asking him to bash out a
brief guide to WRITING HELLICONIA TRILOGIES.
CONDOM: Eastercon 1988 is FOLLYCON at the Adelphi Hotel,
Liverpool, with GoH Gordon Dickson and Gwyneth Jones, FGoH Greg
Pickersgill. #6 supp/#12 att to 104 Pretoria Rd, Patchway,
Bristol. Easter 1989 will be CONTRIVANCE at the Hotel de France,
St Helier, Jersey: GoH Anne McCaffrey and M.John Harrison. #6
supp/#12 att to 63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey. NOLACON 88 (New
Orleans worldcon) now has Linda Pickersgill as reluctant UK agent
(7a Lawrence Rd, S.Ealing, W5 4XJ): "I was drunk at the time,"
she explains.
"IT'S UFOS BY ROYAL APPOINTMENT!" says a clipping sent by
bibliophile David Garnett. "Head-in-the-Stars Prince Charles has
joined a galaxy of celebrity space-watchers who believe in little
green men. He's at the centre of a new cosmic controversy after
graciously accepting weirdo sci-fi novels by the founder of the
evil Scientology cult L.Ron Hubbard. The mystical Hubbard trilogy
MISSION EARTH--stories of futuristic heroes zapping across the
universe in flying saucers--is now sitting on the Prince's
personal bookshelves," etc. "Sick and dangerous... corrupting
works... the wacky Prince..." ANSIBLE just can't match the
professional journalistic standards of this SUNDAY SPORT
coverage. [14-6-87]
FALSE PSEUDONYM HORROR: This is complicated, so pay attention.
"Sue Denim" is a deeply obvious pseudonym, used by US author Lew
Shiner to be rude about people anonymously in CHEAP TRUTH.
Unfortunately the "Sue Denim" who contributed to Charles Platt's
REM:8 proved to be the pseudonym of somebody else altogether,
provoking massive wrath from L.Shiner since, although nobody is
supposed to know Sue Denim is HIS pseudonym, he feels his
literary reputation has been shattered by this impostor's
publication of work under his name... I mean, not under his name.
(Info: Charles Platt.)
OBIT: this sad news is old, but I can't omit the 19 May death
of Alice Sheldon, alias James Tiptree Jr. She was 71; her husband
was 84, blind and bedridden; it was seemingly by mutual agreement
that she shot him and then herself. Old-time fan and OTHER WORLDS
editor Bea Mahaffey died of emphysema on 28 March, aged 60: she
was fondly remembered by many older fans here in Britain. Richard
Wilson (perhaps best known for THE GIRLS FROM PLANET 5 and the
Nebula winner "Mother to the World") died of cancer at 66 on 29
March.
GUTS! is the Langford/"Grant" successor to EARTHDOOM! and
sends up the naff aspects of horror novels. Good old Nick Austin
at Grafton will publish it within decades. My collaborator
sometimes strayed away from the genre: "Don't you remember how
you were built only to help humanity, how you are bound by the
famous Laws of Robotics?" "Yes: I mustn't enjoy myself too much
while harming human beings, I mustn't fall around laughing when
human beings harm themselves, and above all I mustn't let myself
come to any harm." "I told you not to buy that cheap Ansible
software," muttered Whitlow....
TOGETHERNESS DEPT: Jerry Kaufman & Suzanne Tompkins at last
got married on 16 May, in Seattle; ditto Paul Heskett and Angie
on 12 March, in Reading; Maureen Porter was miffed by my failure
to report her engagement to Paul Kincaid; Jan Huxley will shortly
marry Paul Didntquitecatchhisname.
TRIVIA CORNER: "By April 1984," says a quiz-card issued to
promote Wm Younger's curiously unpleasing beer, "how many
different beermats had Tim Stannard of Birmingham collected?"
Could this be fandom's Tim Stannard, who, being a solicitor,
likes to dress up in Nazi uniform at conventions? Indeed it is
he. (Answer: a puny 28,400.)
NEBULAS, for those who want to know these things, went to
Orson Scott Card's SQUEAKER FOR THE DEAD, Lucius Shepard's "R&R",
Kate Wilhelm's "The Girl Who Fell Into The Sky", Greg Bear's
"Tangents"... and Isaac Asimov is at last able to stop dropping
hints about the SFWA "Grand Master" award.
CLOSET STRIPPERS: Our local bookshop is doing a comics
promotion and promises the attendance of two authors who I hadn't
realized were comics megastars, Ben "American Flagg" Bova and
Harry "Swamp Thing" Harrison....
CLUB STUFF: "I suppose you know all about the York SF Group?"
asks Sue Thomason, correctly expecting the answer No. "We meet
on Wednesdays in The Golden Ball, Bishophill, York. But not EVERY
Wednesday--phone Liz Sourbut (York 646827) or me (425873) for
details. Recent activities included a video evening, a group
visit to Star Trek IV, and a beertalk with Michael Scott Rohan
(nice man; he told me I'd got charisma; he can come back again
ANYtime...)." LEEDS: see the Ashworth Testament (letters, above).
READING: erstwhile pub meetings have quietly died, but there's
a massive flexible response capability whereby visiting fans can
usually precipitate an instant gathering at the ICL Club close
to the station, by phoning the Hoares (0734 588570) or me
(665804).
SERIOUS & CONSTRUCTIVE: William Wheeler's SF INTERNATIONAL
(see A48) has been discontinued as a magazine, but WW plans "to
use stories already bought for SFI 3, 4, 5 & 6 in a trade pb
anthology", and if it succeeds will do more. Last issue I noted
that asking for the offered freebie copy of FANTASY REVIEW
resulted only in demands for money: later I was also inundated
with FRs, plus further and increasingly reproachful invoices (I
think this is called inertia selling). Despite such shrewd
marketing, FR is now collapsing into an annual hardback volume
at $57.50, more than twice the old price of a year's subscription
(10 copies). I wish them luck. SEX IN SPACE was the triffic
working title of the anthology DEMON LOVERS, now contracted to
NEL and looking out for tasteful stories which can credibly be
assimilated under either title: Alex Stewart, 47 St Johns Green,
Colchester, Essex, CO2 7EZ. The amateur CASSANDRA ANTHOLOGY folds
with issue 13/14 in late September (overwork, lack of publishable
submissions).
BOB SHAW MENACED BY NIGHTMARISH, GLISTENING INSECT! This scene
was the subject of a large drawing in THE INDEPENDENT [26 May],
the insect being a metaphor for depressive side-effects of a
slimming pill called Ponderax, which left Bob badly blocked on
a novel--until he worked out what was wrong, swore off the pills,
and as a happier side-effect sold the whole tale of woe to a
national newspaper....
AT LAST, THE 1954 SHOW! The Spring SKEPTICAL INQUIRER has a
newish theory of the deeply implausible UFO book FLYING SAUCERS
FROM MARS by "Cedric Allingham" (1954). Several independent items
of evidence point to an amateur astronomer who's been suspected
of several naughty hoaxes, and who is also the only person ever
to claim he's met the elusive "Allingham". Step forward, Patrick
Moore....
FANS ACROSS THE WORLD raised #300 at Easter, to assist
poverty-stricken travellers from far climes to Conspiracy.
CHUCH HARRIS REPORTS: "[Bryan Barrett] tells me that Lucy
Huntzinger now has a small tattoo of Orca, the Killer Whale in
a VERY intimate place indeed. It is inadvisable to holler `Thar
she blows' unless one is wearing a tarpaulin jacket. This was
jolly interesting... Bryan, you must understand, has not actually
SEEN the tattoo so far, but like the tenth planet between Uranus
and Pluto, he KNOWS it is there."
AUSSIECON 85: accounts (30 June) show $A8886.59 profit.
WAS THIS THE GREATEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED? A photo of Maxim
Jakubowski (provenance unknown) adorned this spoof PRIVATE EYE
story about Le Corbusier, showing that (at least to the EYE)
Maxim looks like the epitome of a French architect....
ADELPHI HORROR: looks as though Follycon will have to take
care, since there was lots of theft at the Sol III Trekcon on 1-4
May. Rog Peyton reportedly lost #360 and Gytha North #130 when
the dealers' room was busted on the Saturday night; #450 of Chris
Chivers's sound gear also vanished, and another #140 in tools and
costumes. ANSIBLE's mole says, "we suspect h*t*l st*ff...."
Surprisingly, Beccon lost some fairly expensive sound mixing gear
despite determined security organization.
MOTHER OF GOD, IS THIS THE END FOR ANSIBLE? Wait and see.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: BRETON
ANAL breath
KOAN evening meal
STANK numerous
HALO spittle
GALL (1) French; (2) stammering
ANSIBLE 50, 94 LONDON ROAD, READING, UK, RG1 5AU
[Ends]
ANSIBLE 51
OCTOBER 1991
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berks, RG1
5AU. Fax 0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random pub
meetings, by whim or for stamped addressed envelopes (no
subscriptions or mailing list).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
Once again we live amid Signs and Portents. Something is stirring
in British fandom, something ancient and very terrible, dimly
remembered only by those wrinkled fans in convention bars who
swap their wheezy reminiscences of the bad old days. From its grave
the age-old horror rises, no longer a mere phantasm of darkness but
a tangible form revealed in leprous morning light, a ghastly revenant
whose existence can no longer be denied. Yes ... we have another
British worldcon bid which actually seems to be doing well.
Meanwhile, it's been a long time since "Ansible 50". This
`second series' of cheapo one-pagers will no doubt contain many a
news snippet as exciting and novel as the previous sentence. The
reader is warned.
### MEETINGS AND CONVENTIONS ###
Not an exhaustive list but selected on grounds of imminence, con
literature actually to hand, vile gossip received, etc.
17 Oct BSFA LONDON MEET at Old Coffee House,
Beak St: Kim Newman pleads with you to buy his new novel "Jago".
19-20 Oct PHILIP K.DICK CELEBRATION, Epping
Forest College, Borders Lane, Loughton, Essex, IG10 3SA. GoH Paul
Williams. #20 reg to `Connections', same address. Limited hotel
space: #45/single, #55/double, #30/person in twin. Informal social
evening Fri 18 Oct. Looking at the programme (a Phenomenological
Examination; a panel on Revelatory Experiences; Sound Collages
and Music; Youth Theatre Groups; Communal Painting of PKD Mural,
etc), I think I'll celebrate by staying home and reading some actual
Dick....
1-3 Nov NOVACON 21, Excelsior Hotel, near
Birmingham NEC and airport. #15 reg. GoH Colin Greenland.
Contact 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH. In
a frenzy of numerological excitement, Novacon plans a special
programme book with bits from all past guests.
15-17 Nov FANTASYCON XIV, Ramada Inn West
London. #30 reg (#25 BFS members), which seems a lot: GoHs
Dan Simmons, Jonathan Carroll and Brian Lumley, which is
presumably where the money goes.... Rooms #44/single, #68/
double. Contact 15 Stanley Rd, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5DE.
21 Nov BSFA LONDON MEET with famous Iain Sinclair.
30 Nov to 1 Dec X-ASM, The Hotel Metropole, Leeds.
#12 reg, #15 at door, rooms #25/person/night. GoH M.John
Harrison. Contact 16 Aviary Place, Armley, Leeds, LS12 2NP.
Highlight of the `advance info' sheet is Simon Ings's hilarious parody
of the Embarrassingly Overdone GoH Eulogy, bringing tears of mirth
to Mike Harrison's friends and foes alike.
17-20 Apr 92 ILLUMINATION, 43rd Eastercon, Norbreck
Castle Hotel, Blackpool. #20 reg. GoHs Paul McAuley, Geoff Ryman,
Pam Wells (fan). Contact 379 Myrtle Rd, Sheffield, S2 3HQ. A recent
member got `a slightly unnerving letter ... saying the hotel has just
been sold, and the new owners have launched a major refurbishment
campaign. Knocking down main wing, rebuilding all bedroom and
function rooms, everything going to be rilly rilly triffic. What? By
Easter?'
22-25 May 92 INCONSEQUENTIAL, Aston Court Hotel,
Derby. #15 reg, rooms #32/single, #52/double. Contact 12 Crich
Avenue, Littleover, Derby, DE3 6ES. `Humour' theme: fliers to date
work determinedly at being funny, and one sympathizes with such
evident sweat and toil.
"Advance Rumblings:" PICOCON, annual one-day event
of the Imperial College (London) SF Society, is `provisionally
planned' for 7 March 1992. MEXICON V hopes to return to the
picturesquely decaying Cairn Hotel, Harrogate -- still in receivership,
so `watch this space' -- over late Spring bank holiday 1993. #18 reg,
or #16 to Mexicon IV members until 31 Dec 91. Contact 121 Cape
Hill, Smethwick, Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH. EASTERCON 1994:
bids in from SOU'WESTER (Bristol; #2 presupporting to 3 West
Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ), and a rumoured MANXCON
(said to be c/o PO Box 29, Hitchin, Herts, SG4 9TG). The
"Independent" mag highlighted the latter venue by reminding us that
the Isle of Man is the last place in Europe where gay sex is
punishable by life imprisonment ... which as a programme-book
warning should make a change from the usual stuff about corkage.
### PEOPLE, PUBLISHING & PUBS ###
"Brian Aldiss" has recently been recovering from a double hernia
operation and is hoped to be well on the mend....
"Greg Bear" (says the Brum Group newsletter) will be
visiting Britain in February and Mingling with us.
"John Brunner" married LiYi Tan (`formerly of Guangzhou,
Guangdong, People's Republic of China') on 27 Sept, with a vast
party running in shifts for most of the following day.
"David Gemmell" endeared himself to the BSFA by failing
for the second time this year to turn up as a London meeting guest
(Sept). Unable in his absence to organize an anatomical workshop
on `The Intestines of David Gemmell', Maureen Speller ran a thrilling
media discussion instead.
"Martin Hoare" was last seen in Berlin: `Enjoyed Barcon.
The badge checking was less strict than previous years (see over).'
... on a tasteful postcard of Checkpoint Charlie.
"Terry Pratchett" would be news if he "weren't" completing
a new book: this time it's Discworld the umpteenth, "Small Gods".
"David Pringle", not content with editorial mastery of
"Interzone" and "Million", is working on a new monthly fantasy (as
distinct from sf) magazine for launch in early 1992. My suggested
title "Comparable To Tolkien At His Best: The Magazine Of Top-
Selling Sword'N'Sorcery" might not ... Stop press! It's going to be
called "Realms of Fantasy".
"Jane Yolen" will be living in Scotland from March to
September 1992 and hopes to get to some British conventions ... but
possibly not Illumination since: `I have won one of the most major
children's book awards, the Regina Medal, given for a body of work
by the Catholic Library Association, and have to fly back to America
to get it April 21. So we will see.'
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
THE ROZ KAVENEY MEMORIAL PRIZE for fastest Mexicon report
went to Michael Ashley for "Saliromania 2" (`Written 8 May, copied
9 May, distributed in Leeds on Friday 10 May. Suck on "that", tardy
foreigners,' says sultry thirtyish ex-toyboy Michael). His prize, a free
copy of the "Pink Paper" (the periodical in which stakhanovite
hackette Roz published a Mexicon III report three days after the con)
can be collected at his local leather-bar in Bradford. Or if not there,
he could try Surbiton. Suck on that, Michael! "[Abigail Frost]"
TAFF 1992 voting is on, with US candidates Jeanne
Bowman (supported by your editor) and Richard Brandt contending
in a savage clash of hype, mutual nominations and nude mud-
wrestling for the partially coveted trip to Illumination. Both boast
fanzine and con credentials -- see ballot, available from Usual
Sources and Pam Wells. By a suspicious coincidence, copies of
Richard's "Fanthology '87" reached Britain in September: 72pp of
pretty damn star-studded stuff from 1987 fanzines, $5 from him at
4740 N.Mesa #111, El Paso, TX 79912, USA. (Contents: Carr,
Nielsen Haydens, Langford, Warner, Ortlieb, Hubbard,
Edwards/Lake/Ounsley, Chauvin, Gillespie, Benford, Bushyager,
Priest, Gomoll, Hlavaty/Bosky).
GUFF 1992 (EuropeAustralian national con at Easter):
candidates at last count were Eva Hauser of Czechoslovakia, whose
Euro-nominators are all Brits, and Bridget Wilkinson, whose Euro-
nominators are all Poles. Ballots imminent.
JOB CENTRE: David Pringle has been made redundant as
editor of the dread Games Workshop `GW Books' line. Earlier, David
V.Barrett suffered similarly at the hands of "Computer Weekly" and
has been hunting freelance work ... but long-unemployed Martin
Tudor is poised on the brink of mega-success as `Clerical Assistant
with Birmingham Social Services'.
"AUSTRALIAN SF REVIEW", one of the all too few
readable mags of `heavyweight' sf criticism ("Foundation" is the
British exemplar), ceased with 1991's issue #27 -- a fearsomely
exhaustive index compiled by Yvonne Rousseau. R.I.P....
LAWSUIT NEWS. It remains dangerous to be sceptical
about UFO and paranormal excesses. Famous Uri Geller still intends
to sue that nasty investigator James `The Amazing' Randi `in every
state and every country': he's lost two suits so far, but since the
defence has cost Randi $155,000 and left him broke, Geller is
effectively winning through sheer riches. Lewis Jones is running the
UK side of Randi's defence fund (all donations to 23 Woodbastwick
Rd, London, SE26 5LG); he passes on the report that CSICOP itself
-- the Committee for Scientific Investigation of the Paranormal,
supported by countless famous names in science and sf -- is
similarly beset by often frivolous lawsuits and might well go bankrupt
soon.
HAZEL'S UFO LESSONS. A dictionary of modern Latin is
in production at the Vatican, reports the "Evening Standard" (20
Sept) -- full of vital everyday terms like "coruscans discus per
convexa caeli volans", or `flying saucer with flashing lights'....
SUMMARIZING THE CHICAGO WORLDCON IN FIVE
WORDS: `It's not very well organized,' said fearless Pam Wells in an
almost exclusive phone call from the Thick Of Things.
STORMIN' MORMON: not many SF writers do theology
on the side, so I was interested to receive Orson Scott Card's 1990
rant `The Hypocrites of Homosexuality' from "Sunstone" (a `Mormon
issues' journal). Boy, Card really lays it on the line. Tolerance is a
Bad Thing. Homosexuality is a Sin and its vile practitioners should
jolly well Repent. They could be hetero if they only tried.... There is
more, but I need a drink.
TOTAL INSANITY ... is the only excuse for producing this.
Langfordian income was recently clobbered when the Amstrad PCW
magazine "8000 Plus" decided to chop five editorial pages and
make my column bimonthly. Maybe legions of fans will complain and
boycott all the odd-numbered issues from #61 without the One True
Page; maybe not. Now comes a merry summons to the creditors'
meeting following the voluntary liquidation on 15 Sept of Newsfield
Ltd, publishers of "Fear" and "GamesMaster International" ... the
latter being the home of my remaining sf review column. (The
liquidator is busy trying to sell off the Newsfield magazines -- "advt".)
Help!
### IN MEMORIAM: THE COCK ###
CAROLINE MULLAN elegizes: "The sign on the former Rank Xerox
building invites you to "Make this Your Landmark". The sign is new,
but the London building has indeed been a fannish landmark: behind
it lies the Cock Tavern, where the City Illiterates and other groups
have been meeting for 21 years. No longer. On 26 September the
Cock closed for the last time.
It was a pleasant pub, not particularly distinguished but
moderate in all things: medium size, moderately comfortable,
middling good beer and food, an upstairs room that could be hired
for a moderate fee. But it had fannish virtues: it was convenient for
many people, it served pizzas years before most pubs offered proper
food, it was quiet in the evening when business boozers had left it
to us, and the juke-box was tame. Best of all, the staff were friendly.
And, love him or loathe him, we must not forget Boot, the Old
English Sheepdog we first knew as a bouncing large-pawed puppy
in 1977 and who died last year of canine old age.
We did not let it go without a wake. On Friday 13
September more than 60 fans gathered to say goodbye, to the pub
itself and to Jack, Barbara and Bernie who had served us for 14
years. Among them were Philip Strick, who founded the SF Evening
Class at the Stanhope Institute 21 years ago, thus forming a group
which needed somewhere to drink when the class was over but not
the conversation; Malcolm Davies, Roger Perkins and Mike
Westhead, veterans of the earliest years; John Clute, an ex-class-
tutor (Lisa Tuttle, another, sent apologies from Scotland). City
Illiterates of all generations were there, with conrunners, organizers
of Beccons, Contrivance and Helicon, the Glasgow Worldcon bid;
PAPA and Friends of Foundation; all had met regularly in the Cock.
Some hadn't been for years, or had only visited once or twice: Tony
Chester, many stone lighter and much prettier than when he last
came, Chris Walton, Abi Frost, Tim Broadribb, and many more.
Some even came for the first time ever -- like our esteemed editor....
Now it is gone. The refurbished `landmark' building is
empty; without its lunchtime trade the Cock is not (despite fannish
efforts) a viable business. The last guide dog has been bought with
money collected across the bar. The brewery has removed the
pumps, the signs have been taken down, the doors closed. The
Cock Tavern is no more.
The City Illiterates continue. The Class runs again this year
at the City Literary Institute in Stukely Street, Holborn, with Brian
Stableford as tutor; the rest now meet every Friday at the Lord
Nelson (Stanhope Street, close to the Cock). Other groups that met
at the Cock are also moving there, at least for now: the Lord Nelson
is smaller but quiet, the beer is better, and there are tables in the
sheltered yard. Life goes on.
### EDITORIAL WAFFLE ###
This is all the fault of Bridget Wilkinson for Constructive Whingeing,
the erstwhile "Intermediate Reptile" team for being horridly
exemplary, and Martin Easterbrook for a partial power vacuum.
Thanks also to Paul Dormer, who lugged my Hugo back from
Chicago: this time (no doubt to the huge annoyance of Peter `Vic
Wilcox' Weston, Hereditary Supplier of Cast Metal Awards to the
Gentry) the burden was lessened by the thing's being made of
lightweight, see-through plastic. It reached me intact after its long
journey and a bit fell off on the way home to Reading. There may be
a moral in this.
And I urge you all to go to Boskone 29 (Springfield, MA,
14-16 Feb 92), which is madly flying me over as special guest. GoH
is Jane Yolen ... see above. NESFA collections of Yolen and
Langford writing are planned to appear at the con, the latter tastefully
titled "Let's Hear It For The Deaf Man".
[]
Text (c) Dave Langford, 1991. News, information, opinions and
complaints all welcome -- on IBM 3.5", IBM 5.25" 360k or PCW 3" disk
by arrangement. Deadlines 24 hours before monthly London
Wellington meetings. `Agents' (just ask) may xerox "Ansible "for
distribution elsewhere. Esoterica research: Abigail Frost.
DRL
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 52
NOVEMBER 1991
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
Comments on "Ansible 51" were sufficiently alarming. `I thought I'd died
and gone to heaven,' burbled Ashley Watkins. `Everyone will think you're
gay,' added Abigail Frost after close study of the text. `Now you can
quote me saying outrageous things about the "Million/Interzone" scam!'
wrote Maureen Speller. Chris Priest summed it up: `The reappearance of
"Ansible" was greeted by most as a portent of good times; of course, I
tend to see it as a portent of something else.' What?
### GRAPHIC DEBAUCHERY ###
"17 Oct:" Gollancz launched their new line of graphic novels with almost
lavish drinks at a odd-shaped London gallery. The walls were hung with
originals -- often in a rather confusing order -- from the initial books
"A Small Killing" (Alan Moore/Oscar Zarate) and "The Luck in the Head"
(M.John Harrison/Ian Miller), plus future glories like the Ian Macdonald-
scripted "Kling Klang Klatch" ... which from the specimen on view would
appear to be about depraved teddy-bears.
The usual rabble of sf freeloaders was diluted by an influx from the
sensitive worlds of art and comix. Alan Moore's major-prophet beard and
hairstyle successfully concealed his reactions (if any) from the masses.
Most artistic comment was directed at cuddly editor Faith Brooker's
simulated leopard-skin shoes, clearly the hit of the evening. A Gollancz
publicity master explained the shortage of "Luck in the Head" review
copies with the effortless fluency of one whose first infant words were,
`Your cheque's in the post.' David Pringle waved dummies of his new
"Realms of Fantasy" (conspicuously lacking the words `Realms' and `of')
and his old "Million", issue 6, resubtitled as `The Magazine "About"
Popular Fiction' in hope of explaining it to the public and stemming a
tide of fiction submissions formerly rejected by Mills & Boon. `Since
they've fired you, are GW Books folding?' I asked him tactfully. He said,
with caution: `"They" say no, but, in effect ... yes. They're claiming
to "revive" the line in 6-12 months. Some chance.'GW novels by Garnett,
Watson, `Yeovil' etc. remain in limbo.
Meanwhile ace reviewer John Clute was poring delightedly over his
latest task, being "Futurespeak: A Fan's Guide to the Language of SF" by
Roberta Rogow (Paragon House $24.95). `This entry has more mistakes than
words,' he marvelled:
SLANS "(literary): Superhuman successors to homo
sapiens in a series of stories by A.E.van Vogt,
beginning in 1925 with" Galactic Lensman....
`She's a Trekkie,' explained Mr Pringle. `The entries on "Star Trek"
are quite good. The entry on "Future History" omits Robert Heinlein. As
for the New Wave....' He blenched and sought consolation in the Bulgarian
wine, which had run out.
The books? "The Luck in the Head" was and is an effectively
unpleasant story, here tizzied up by Miller in his chaotic `asylum
images' style (as opposed to the better-known `tight pen' art -- his
phrasing), which conveys the nastiness but is tiring to read ... some of
the scattered text was hard going even in those full-sized originals. "A
Small Killing", with trad speech balloons, has the expected word-perfect
script from Moore, dissecting the familiar idea that people Get On In
Life by doing violence to their old selves, and tracking its yuppie adman
hero back through bad turnings to his first `killing' as a kid. Good
hallucinatory climax (with one creaky bit ... an early, implausible
flashback which seemingly exists only to be Significantly Echoed in the
finale). Zarate's water-colourish art, though swerving occasionally and
dangerously towards a `funny papers' look (cf. his and Alexei Sayle's
"Geoffrey the Tube Train and the Fat Comedian"), is just about right for
the surreal images here -- as slick, schematic realism wouldn't have
been.
But where was Mike Harrison? A vast, unattributable voice intoned,
`He might get out more if they hadn't nailed his feet to a pedestal.' By
now the lavish victuals had dwindled to fizzy water and detumescent
celery: Chris Evans led us off to a pub, which in retrospect was a
mistake....
### CONDOM ###
8-10 Nov ALTERCON 666, London. GoH John `Great Beast' Jarrold.
Elusive, crepuscular, multi-venued and redolent of fish-oil, this event
is too secret to be listed here. Sorry.
(Sources have traced the fish-oil motif to Altacon 1990, where a
functionally impaired John Brosnan shouted his GoH speech: `FISH-OIL!
GIVE ME FISH-OIL! FISH-OIL! ... FISH-OIL! "I WANT FISH-OIL!" FISH-OIL!
... FETCH FISH-OIL! "FISH-OIL!!!!!"' Etc, etc.)
15-17 Nov FANTASYCON XIV, Ramada Inn West London. #30 reg (#25
BFS members): GoHs Dan Simmons, Jonathan Carroll and Brian Lumley....
Rooms #44/single, #68/double. Contact 15 Stanley Rd, Morden, Surrey, SM4
5DE -- in haste.
21 Nov BSFA LONDON MEET at Old Coffee House, Beak St, with
stupefyingly famous Iain Sinclair.
30 Nov to 1 Dec X-ASM, The Hotel Metropole, Leeds. #12 reg, #15
at the door, rooms #25/person/night. GoH M.John Harrison. Contact 16
Aviary Place, Armley, Leeds, LS12 2NP.
17-20 Apr 92 ILLUMINATION, 43rd Eastercon, Norbreck Castle Hotel,
Blackpool. #20 reg. GoHs Paul McAuley, Geoff Ryman, Pam Wells (fan). Plus
TAFF winner JEANNE BOWMAN or Richard Brandt. Contact 379 Myrtle Rd,
Sheffield, S2 3HQ. PR3 (Oct, with hotel booking form) warns that
membership rates rise on 5 Nov. To what? ... They don't actually say.
22-25 May 92 INCONSEQUENTIAL, Aston Court Hotel, Derby. #15 reg,
rooms #32/single, #52/double. Contact 12 Crich Avenue, Littleover, Derby,
DE3 6ES. `Humour' theme. Ho, ho.
`Late Aug' 92 CAR-CON II in two vehicles hurtling round the M25
(no, not a joke). #12.50 reg. GoH Kevin Davies. Contact 68 Gotch Rd,
Barton Seagrave, Kettering, NN15 6UQ.
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon, Hotel de France, Jersey. #20
reg (#22 from 1 Dec 91). GoHs John Brunner, George R.R.Martin. Contact
63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ. First PR now out, and
conscientious Eddie Cochrane provides an Erratum Note: `On p.3, for "the
lap of an Italian-Tasmanian maiden" please read "a machine in
Aldermaston".'
"RUMBLINGS." Birmingham's sparsely attended TWENTYCON (July) lost
over #1100 in tides of apathy; conrunning expert Martin Hoare says
sympathetically, `The Brum Group's been creaming a profit off boring
Novacons for years, so they can afford it.' In contrast, WINCON II
(August) came out #898 ahead -- #500 earmarked for WINCON III in August
94 and the rest for Various Fan Charities. But what of the "first"
Wincon's mislaid funds, and its allegedly hard-to-locate treasurer J*y
H*bb*rt? "[Resolved since we went to press for Novacon -- Ed.]"
CONFICTION has almost broken even, says "Shards of Babel" -- the
outstanding debtors being "Locus" and Malcolm Edwards....
P.K.DICK CELEBRATION (OCT): `Appalling,' said Brian Stableford. `I
stuck it for one day.' He bewailed inadequate facilities, hard seats,
boring speakers, and ideologically correct catering with the choice of
(a) a vegetarian chef's delight at #5, or (b) hunger. `Was there a bar?'
I asked. `There was this "small hatch in the wall" that was very
occasionally open for bottled beer....'
### TEN YEARS AGO ###
Where are they now, the stars of the 1981 `Silicon Fan Poll'?
"Favourite/Cuddliest/Most Lovable UK Fan:" Eve Harvey. "Best Dressed:"
Chris Atkinson/Joe Nicholas (tie). "Most Illiterate:" Pete Presford.
"Favourite Con:" Seacon '79. "Least Favourite:" Mancon '76. "Best Fan
Artist:" Jim Barker. "Most Awful Fringefan Group:" Gannets/Trekkies
(tie). "Oldest Active Fan:" Terry Jeeves/Ethel Lindsay/Rog Peyton (tie).
"Fave SF Writer At Age 15:" Asimov. "Worst SF Novel Ever: `THE NUMBER OF
THE BEAST'. Worst Movie: THE BLACK HOLE/PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE" (tie).
"Worst TV SF: SPACE: 1999". "Owner Of Largest Male Fan Appendage:" Robert
P.Holdstock. "Funniest Fan:" Leroy Kettle. "Drunkest:" Greg Pickersgill.
"Fan Who Falls Over Most:" D.West. "Worst Fanzine Ever: FANZINE
FANATIQUE". "Writer Of The Most Boring Letters:" Joe Nicholas. "Most
Pretentious Current Publication: OMNI" ("Interzone" was =4th). "Deafest
Fan:" oh come now.... ("Ansible 21", Nov 81).
### EROTICON 6: OCTOBER ###
"MARTIN HOARE drools:" Where else could a convention about eroticism be
held but in the Tollgate Motel near Gravesend? We arrived at 11pm to find
the fetish party well under way. Jean wondered about its dress (or
undress) code: investigating, I met Judith Looker in a fetching leather
dress whose skimpiness was an obvious effort towards animal friendliness.
`Everybody is trying to outweird each other,' she explained.
I ran back and donned a propeller beanie while Jean chose her slinky
PVC frock in case of water pistol fights. The party was great fun with
a wild array of costumes: naughty nurses, vicars, gladiators, Nic Farey
in a sequined dress. I wish I'd taken my camera, not so much to snap the
costumes as staff and mundanes who wandered past. The beanie was a
popular fannish fetish -- everybody wanted to spin my propeller.
Official guests Mary Gentle, Alex Stewart* and Richard Wells were
joined by the artists Chris Achilleos and Peter Pracownik. The programme
was interesting -- sometimes even sercon. By order of the committee it
was not pornographic but about eroticism in SF. Many discussions came
back to censorship, a cause of concern to most con members.
This was a very friendly and enjoyable con, with that fannish spirit
I remember from long ago. The committee were efficient and even laid on
a crate of beer for the (very) late night showing of "Rocky Horror". An
interesting programme, accessible guests, a good hotel despite bemused
staff.... There has to be a sequel: Eroticon 6, the Second Coming?
[* Erotically famed editor of "Prongs of Priapus" -- Ed.]
### NAMING NAMES ###
"Greg Bear"'s February 1992 visit to Britain will (says the Brum Group
newsletter, correcting itself) actually be a 1993 visit.
"Paul Brazier's" quarterly sf magazine "Nexus" has yet to publish
its second, or July, issue. `I'm told that Howard Waldrop is really mad
at Paul, who apparently commissioned him to do something, forgot what it
was, and wrote asking Howard to tell him what he'd agreed to write. How
like Paul.' "[MS]"
"Chris Evans", long lost in the obscurity of teaching, is working
like crazy to finish his first novel since, I think, 1985....
"David Garnett" has had to lower his "New Worlds" word rates. `I'm
paying #40 per thou. (I lost out on #1, paid out too much at #45 per --
couldn't stop buying brill stories!)'
"Garry Kilworth" is on the Smarties prize shortlist (for best
children's novel) with "The Drowners" "[SG]". I liked the book, a 19th-
century ghost story about the arcane technology of water meadows ... but
was it our Garry or Methuen's copy-editor who put all the period
measurements into litres and metres?
"Stan Nicholls" will co-edit "[SG]", that is, be deputy editor of
"[DP]" David Pringle's planned "Realms of Fantasy" (Spring 92?).
"Terry Pratchett" pays the Price of Fame, being deprived of the
1992/3 Eastercons owing to GoH spots in Australia and New Zealand.
Likewise Novacon: `the World Fantasy Con is at the same time and I'm
going because the fantasy mafia have put "Good Omens" (by *NEIL GAIMAN*
and some bald guy) on the award shortlist.' He mysteriously adds, `I
don't go to baleful Mexicons any more.' Who's been baleful at him, now?
"Chris Priest" has delivered his Radio 4 play of "The Glamour", with
(by BBC request) yet another changed ending. And: `The Beeb has sent me
Part 1 of their "Quiet Woman" tv dramatization, and I am mucho impressed
with the professional and imaginative job they are doing. (Unlike other
previous dramatizations of my stuff.) The minor film of "Wessex" being
made in Australia has creaked into life again. I am a Media Man.'
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
HARPERCOLLINS RESHUFFLE: upwardly mobile Malcolm Edwards soars to
`Publishing Director -- Fiction' ("all" fiction); Jane Johnson is
sf/fantasy/horror editorial director. `ME's empire is now almost of
Austro-Hungarian extent. He will soon be permanently in meetings,
emerging only to pick up his salary.' "[CP]"
"EUROTEMPS:" the second `Temps' semi-superhero anthology is set for
Penguin/Roc publication in 1992, with these supremely well-ordered
contents: `If Looks Could Kill' (D.Langford), `A Virus in the System'
(Christopher Amies), `Hide and Seek' (Jenny Jones), `Le Grand Moans'
(Anne Gay), `El Lobo Dorado is Dead, is Dead' (Liz Holliday), `Playing
Safe' (Marcus Rowland), `Sortilege and Serendipity' (Brian Stableford),
`Photo Finished' (Molly Brown), `Monastic Lives' (Graham Joyce), `The
Foreign Post' (Colin Greenland), `A Problem Shared' (Tina Anghelatos --
`the only first sale'), `Totally Trashed' (Roz Kaveney), `The Law of
Being' (Storm Constantine) ... `Plus various linking bits by me,' adds
hero editor Alex Stewart.
SEDUCTION OF THE INNOCENT: the return of "Thunderbirds" to BBC2 has
outraged the anti-smoking lobby. `Children ... will all see Lady Penelope
constantly holding a cigarette,' gasps an ASH person in the "Grauniad".
"[AJF] "But does she ... inhale?
LATE OBIT. Steve `Mr Horror UK' Jones's anthology "Shadows over
Innsmouth", assembled for the H.P.Lovecraft centenary in 1990, finally
died of eldritch publishing apathy this year. An ashen-faced Steve
explained: "`Ia! Ia! Shub-Niggurath!'"
FORTEAN PHENOMENA: `I've just heard that Nutley, E.Sussex, was
recently showered with packages of cannabis. Nothing to do with Neil
Gaiman surely?' "[MS]"
RIP ... Arkady Strugatsky, 14 Oct; and Gene Roddenberry of "Star
Trek" fame, 24 Oct (in Santa Monica, CA). "[AJF]"
TAFF UPROAR? For fear of postal regulations, Jeanne Bowman's
campaign fanzine "Dangerous Visitors" (mailed in Britain by a visiting
pal) carries the only UK return address Jeanne had handy in her last-
minute rush at the printers' ... being that of our nevertheless impartial
TAFF administrator Pam Wells. A flood of one accusing complaint has
poured in to Pam from politically correct Joseph (for it is he) Nicholas.
BEYOND THE ENCHANTED DUPLICATOR ... Michael Ashley is reviewing this
Willis/White `fan classic sequel' and has got as far as, `Gah -- "The
Enchanted Convention" really "sucks".'
LIES: `Steve Green is to edit "Fear", bought for #500 from
Newsfield's liquidators by Pegasus ("Gamesman" etc.) of Brum; John
Gilbert is allegedly "contesting this bitterly"' ... thus "A52"'s first
(Novacon) printing, but it's all wrong. Boo to David Pringle's research.
Nervous apologies to the others concerned.
Text (c) Dave Langford, 1991. We can read IBM 3.5", IBM 5.25" 360k or PCW
3" disks by arrangement. "Ansible" may be xeroxed for fan groups. Inputs:
Abigail Frost AJF, Steve Green SG, Chris Priest CP, Maureen Speller MS.
"revised 6/11/91"
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 53
DECEMBER 1991
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
Further sf news and gossip in the spirit of the great Mel Brooks, who
said definitively: "`Tragedy is if I cut my finger.... Comedy is if you
walk into an open sewer and die.'"
### THE NOVACON 21 TRADITION ###
"ABIGAIL FROST hurtles through:" Let's get this straight. Linda Krawecke
and I were as shocked as everybody else. Only when our astral bodies
returned for Sunday breakfast (after a hard night rushing about doing
good) did we learn how our earthly forms had ruthlessly extracted money*
for double-vodkas-and-orange to prepare J.Nicholas (who'd recklessly come
without his minder) for the traditional fannish art-form of Joseph
Decoration. They have been severely disciplined, while TAFF benefited
from Joe's wimpish collapse after a mere three. "[Next day his face
looked ... well-scrubbed -- Ed.]"
Colin Greenland's several contributions to a bumper programme book
included answers to the long-disused Novacon Questions: "`Do you have a
nickname?'" "`No.'" (So what happened to "Cyberpixie"?) The same book
revealed his beatific state to be another tradition, with Ted Tubb
sighing `anyone who's been a Novacon GoH has already been to heaven' and
Langford babbling of `"droit du seigneur" over the more nubile committee
members' at Novacon 15 ... "which" Pearson sister? (Or Tony Berry?)
Colin's GoH interview was the programme's highlight, as befits the only
item I saw which didn't involve Pam Wells selling Nova awards or Michael
Ashley filling swag-bags with luminous plastic slugs. Or possibly the
other way round.
A further neglected fan tradition -- your editor's epic nose-bleed
-- was revived at Pam's TAFF auction. I missed it, being too abstracted
with joy at not having to sell exotic condoms to Martin Smith after
Helena Bowles withdrew her bid on learning she was only getting one. (Me,
I'd have strangled her and had done with it.) I did, however, view the
ensanguined snot-rag. Under the Commonwealth huge sums were paid for
handkerchiefs dipped in the blood of Charles, King and Martyr, but nobody
wanted this one. Perhaps we should try next year with Steve Green's.
Gripes centered traditionally on the hotel -- too far out for
traditional treks to cheap curry-houses, and often rather staff-
stretched. Breakfast saw hungover queues forming in spite of countless
empty seats. The restaurant's `Novocon "[sic]" menu' was OK and
reasonably priced, though, even if wine did come in the wrong-sized
bottle, after the food and before the glasses. The waiter's heart could
be won forever with a used match-box, which is a new one on me.
Some traditions underwent subtle, post-modernist reinterpretation:
thus, Avedon Carol was browbeating people to cast Nova votes for Michael
Ashley. (Good try, but not quite funny enough.) I dressed up in black
Lycra mini-dress and pink stilettos for Bradford Boy's benefit, but the
miserable cunt stayed away that evening. Workaholic fun-lover John
Jarrold checked into his overflow hotel to find a Macdonald sales
conference; ecstatically he took Rob Holdstock over to share its
delights, and was never seen again. Newlyweds John Brunner and LiYi Tan
were out in force; she impressed one and all by her command of English
after barely three months here.
The real stunner was the Novas. I'd got my orders by radio-wave from
Keighley only just in time ("`The contest looks wide open. The Storm
Constantine Information Service could sneak past and steal the lot....
And if you hear young Ashley plugging the name of Ken Cheslin, hit him.'"
[DW]). But as Harry Bond's three tellers soon learned, another block vote
was operating. `I don't believe this!' gasped Rhodri James. `John
Richards?' wept your reporter. `I've known about it for "ages",' said
hoity-toity Caroline Mullan. Interesting times. All in all, a con like
wot they don't make 'em any more.... (Except for Mexicon.)
[* `Come on Illingworth! You must be more "generous and funloving"
than Martin Hoare and the fake Bob Shaw! ... That's all right, Sorensen
-- let's you and me go to your room and "get" your wallet!']
### WE NAME THE GUILTY ... ###
"Isaac Asimov" is the sole almost-living writer on a "Harper's Magazine"
list of `cultural icons' -- names so famous that US computer folk are
told never to use them as passwords. (Too predictable ... yup, that's our
Isaac.) Dead writers listed: Aristotle, Confucius, Goethe and Hitler.
Other literary figures: Dracula, Frodo, Garfield and Superman. Ah,
culture. [CP]
"Neil Gaiman"'s 1991 World Fantasy Award for the `Midsummer Night's
Dream' issue of his "Sandman" comic has, we hear, provoked vast rule-
rewriting plans to save the Short Story category from any repetition of
this terrible thing.
"Rob Holdstock" has been eagerly telling everyone about a certain
discrepancy between the rampant, priapic wooden image described in his
triffic new novel "The Fetch" (Orbit, Dec), and its tastefully eroded
depiction on the cover.
"L.Ron Hubbard" typescripts (1940s shorts like `Man Eats Monster'
and `He Found G-d' "[sic]") are offered by US dealer Barry Levin at $35-
$50,000 each. Who'd pay "that"? Oh, I see....
"Garry & Annette Kilworth" return from their lengthy Hong Kong stint
in January, but will be `travelling until April'.
"Chris Morgan" has delivered a book on fortune telling to Quintet,
with the oblique and witty title "Fortune Telling".
"Peter Nicholls" was recently struck by lightning, twice ... well,
his and Clare Coney's house in Melbourne was. [YR] The only reported
casualty: his fax machine. A nation mourns.
"David Pringle" gloats: `Heard that another magazine has gone?
"Blast" has folded, and John Brown Publishing is rumoured to be in some
difficulties despite "Viz". Isn't "Million" doing well by comparison?'
He goes on to exult that Frank Muir Himself is now a subscriber.
"Ian Watson", speaking at Soupcon, revealed the closely guarded
secret of his script work for a Stanley Kubrick skiffy epic. The shady
figure `Ansible Dave', who had to move text between the Watson and
Kubrick disk formats, aroused paranoid dread in Mr K: `How do we know we
can "trust" this guy?' etc. [MAH] As for the content -- my lips are
sealed, but a Major SF Figure is said to be less than ecstatic about
Kubrick's choice of author to replace him as adaptor of "his" story....
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TEN YEARS AGO ... major sf figure Brian Aldiss was a Booker Prize judge.
`There was a distinct science-fictional (or "metaphorical-structural",
as we euphemistically say in Booker circles) aura to half the novels in
the shortlist. Like: Lessing's "The Sirian Experiments" is definitely
galactic empire stuff, if not a patch on Doc Smith; Thomas's "The White
Hotel" opens with a poem, integral to the novel, which was published in
"New Worlds" in its palmier days; even the winner, Rushdie's "Midnight's
Children", is about Wyndhamesque telepathic kids....' ("Ansible 22", Dec
81).
NOVA AWARDS. Best fanzine: "Saliromania" ed. Michael Ashley (2 --
"Helicon discussion Fanzine"; 3 -- "Lip"). Fan writer: Michael Ashley (2
-- John Richards, 3 -- D.Langford). Fan artist: D.West (2 -- Dave
Mooring; 3 -- Sue Mason). [HB] Best block vote: see Helicon's Eastercon
PR1 self-promotion (`Crass, but what do you expect from "Illingworth"?'
-- Martin Hoare). Best blitz of material appearing too (ahem) late to
have any effect on the Novas: D.West in every other fanzine at Novacon
21....
MYSTIC ROSE. The new "Lone Wolf" fantasy from `John Grant' may
interest a certain editorial collective. Who is the proudly professional
officer with `an unstable glint in his eyes', who speaks of `the
Mysteries of the Midnight Rose, which are More Obtuse than Mortal Man May
Know', and clinches a deal with: `I swear it on my favourite unit of
currency!'
RIP ... Irwin Allen ("Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Lost in
Space, The Time Tunnel", etc) died on 2 Nov, aged 75. [SG]
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: GAELIC ... "taghairm", inspiration sought
by lying in a bullock's hide behind a waterfall.
TAFF RULES OK? Pam Wells is conducting an informal poll about --
perhaps -- dropping the `write-in' option from TransAtlantic Fan Fund
ballots. Why? At present someone could "theoretically" win via write-in
votes, without making any commitment to travel and run the fund ... even
without being willing to do either. Unlikely, but the loophole might as
well be closed in this rare period of no major TAFF controversy.
BOOK DUMP: contemplating their paperback of Brian Stableford's
"Empire of Fear", Pan hesitated over the C-format version ... to
remainder it, undercutting the new edition, or pay for further storage?
Solution: Brian's home is now entirely full of freebie copies which he
mustn't sell you for, er, a while.
"FIRE & WATER" is HarperCollins's new sf publicity sheet (far better
than the dread "Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster"). #1 lists selected World
Fantasy Awards: Robert McCammon's "Mine" (best horror), Kim Stanley
Robinson's "Pacific Edge" (best sf) and Unwin Hyman (best Jane Johnson,
er, Euro sf publisher).
THE LIQUIDATOR: JUDGEMENT DAY. The report on Newsfield Ltd's
collapse conveys that the company's only moneyspinners were computer
titles based on now-dying machines. "Fear" is scorned as a `fanzine' with
`limited circulation ... very low advertisement income ... marginal
results up to the end'. "GMI": `the gaming market was in deep recession
... circulation and advertisement income targets were never achieved'.
"Frighteners" is oddly described as `selected short stories from famous
and unknown authors, who were keen to find an outlet for their publishing
efforts'; after #1 was removed from sale thanks to complaints about
Graham Masterton's everyday tale of bestial perversion, Newsfield
actually paid Learned Counsel to vet later issues. Post-crash deficit is
#406,378, with familiar creditors' names: David V.Barrett #71, Kim Newman
#132, Stan Nicholls #154, Ramsey Campbell #164, me #199, Ashley Watkins
#440, Guy N.Smith #493, Liz Holliday #1029, Wayne Murphy (whose Mystery
Surname only ever appears in these glum reports) #2000, and -- the
winnah! -- John Gilbert #2451.
RIP ... Robert Maxwell's death at sea (5 Nov) led to much comment.
Radio 4: `The weather in the Tenerife area was calm ...' C.Priest,
instantly: `... except for a large unexplained wave that destroyed
seafront buildings.' What now of publishing institutions like
Macdonald/Futura, Macmillan, Scribner and John Jarrold? Amid current
horrific revelations and resignations, Maxwell Communications' book folk
(`Unprofitable' -- "The Guardian") must be feeling nervously for their
pensions. Lucky Allan Bryce, whose horror mag "The Dark Side" was dropped
by Maxwell and rapidly revived by himself....
SUCCESS! Terry Pratchett was a double Nov bestseller with "Witches
Abroad" (hc) and "Moving Pictures" (pb). Iain Sinclair got #500 as
"Guardian" fiction prize runner-up, for "Downriver". The #4000
Gollancz/"Bookshelf" `first fantasy novel' prize -- that is, advance --
goes to John Whitbourn for "A Dangerous Energy."
### CONDOM ###
19 Dec XMAS WELLINGTON ("no BSFA meeting"). New Year Wellington 2 Jan
-- chillingly soon after festive excess, but `people will certainly be
there,' say Secret Masters [RR].
25 Jan PENTACON, Univ. Centre, Cambridge. #5 reg. SF/fan/academia
mix. Contact Helen Steele, Newnham College.
31 Jan - 2 Feb FOURPLAY, Victoria Pk Hotel, Wolverhampton. #18
reg, rooms #28/person/night. GoHs Cynthia McQuillan, Jane Robinson, Colin
Fine. Contact 2 Craithie Rd, Vicars Cross, Chester, CH3 5JL. `4th British
filkcon ... I know it's a bit beyond the pale,' quavers a trembling
Alison Scott.
21-3 Feb LUCON IVY, Leeds University Union, in some town or
other. #7 reg. GoH Gwynneth "[sic]" Jones. Leeds U SF Soc, PO Box 157,
Leeds, LS1 1UH.
7 Mar PICOCON 10, annual one-day thrash of Imperial College SF
Soc at IC, Prince Consort Rd, S.Kensington.
17-20 Apr ILLUMINATION, 43rd Eastercon; Norbreck Castle Hotel,
Blackpool. #25 reg -- note recent increase. Rooms #28/person/night. GoHs
Paul McAuley, Geoff Ryman, Pam Wells (fan). Contact 379 Myrtle Rd,
Sheffield, S2 3HQ.
24-6 Apr FREUCON, Eurocon; Freudenstadt, Germany. #15 reg (#20
from 1 Jan) to UK agent Oliver Gruter, Dept of Physics, RHBN College,
Egham, Surrey, TW20 0EX.
6-8 Nov NOVACON 22, Forte Post House Hotel near bloody Birmingham
airport as in 1991, `subject to confirmation'. #18 reg. GoH Storm
Constantine. Contact, as ever, 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley,
W.Midlands, B66 4SH.
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon (+Eurocon); Hotel de France,
Jersey. #22 reg. GoHs John Brunner, George R.R.Martin. Contact 63 Drake
Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ.
1-4 Apr 94 45th Eastercon bids: CONTACT, Isle of Man, #1 presupp
to PO Box 29, Hitchin, Herts, SG4 9TG (Nic Farey wishes to state that `A
Bill to decriminalize homosexual acts ... is on its way through Tynwald,
the island's Parliament.'); SOU'WESTER, Bristol, #2 presupp to 3 West
Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ. Either way, `Authoritative rumour
has Martin Easterbrook already preparing a rescue bid.' [AJF]
"RUMBLINGS" The mislaid WINCON I funds returned seconds after
"A52" went to press, via a cheque from Harry Bond (eh?). All is well. []
Apparently little but the scheduled gluttony and excess took place at
SOUPCON (Jersey). NOVACON 21: `Crap hotel, crap programme, a few nice
people,' opined Martin Hoare. `But Ian Stewart's talk was wonderful,'
protested Sue Jones. `No one could get to that,' Mr Hoare scoffed, `it
was on at "dawn". [10:30]' Brum Group chair Chris Chivers denounces
Martin's "A52" remarks on Novacon profits, insisting that these all go
to worthy sf causes and that the BSFG is Not Well Off.
### FEAR AND LOATHING ###
No, Steve Green will not be editing "Fear" as misreported in the first
version of "A52". `Even if Pegasus had bought the title (they haven't),
persuaded John Gilbert to relinquish his claim (they won't) and offered
me the job, I'd have had to decline. There's plenty of bad will attached
to "Fear", as evidenced by the stream of people asking me (on reading
"Ansible 52") when I was going to pay them the money they were owed by
Newsfield....' [SG] Many apologies, boss. Our ace newshound David Pringle
adds, self-abasingly: `The story came from what I thought was an
unimpeachable source who told me he'd got it directly from John Gilbert.'
[] In fact Steve did turn down a "Fear" subeditorial post in early 1991,
well before the crash. The later rumour is now ascribed to `some prat at
"Starburst"'.
Text (c) Dave Langford, 1991; may be xeroxed for others. Inputs: Harry
Bond, Abigail Frost, Steve Green, Martin Hoare, Chris Priest, Roger
Robinson, Yvonne Rousseau, D.West.
5/12/91
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 53 1/2
XMAS 1991
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available by whim or for hot mince pies,
turkey with chestnut stuffing, crackers etc. A Merry Saturnalia to you
all.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
SMALL ADS in "Ansible" are free of charge! Please place your camera-ready
copy in Box 1, Gents' Toilet, The Wellington, near Waterloo Station. The
editor's indecision is final.
### THE PETER WESTON TROPHY EXCHANGE ###
`I was SHATTERED when my Hugo disintegrated into "a myriad cheap plastic
fragments",' wept Mr H*ld*m*n of the USA. `I had one once but the "fin
fell off",' says broken Mr L*ngf*rd of Reading. Has "your" life too been
"ruined" by flimsy foreign construction? HELP IS AT HAND! For only a
small fee our HUGO UPGRADE SERVICE can replace those shameful shards with
"true-blue British workmanship" ... with the traditional heft of real
metal. Batteries not included. Write "now" to Uncle Peter, 14 St Bernards
Rd, Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands, B72 1LE.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: GREEK, As She Is Spoke By John Major: [Greek
script omitted] (from "The Patient's Charter -- a summary").
Pronunciation tip: say `Patient's Charter'.
TURKISH: "Peysint Cartir" is what it says here....
NOVACON NEGOTIATOR SOUGHT. If "your" silver-tongued eloquence can
persuade our hotel to offer con discount rates which "don't exceed"
standard room charges for ordinary visitors, the Birmingham SF Group
would love to hear from you! Box N22.
### L.RON HUBBARD'S FANS OF THE FUTURE ###
L.Ron teaches us that all "fannish hang-ups" can be traced to "pre-birth
engrams" recorded by the "unknowing fan foetus"....
CASE HISTORY: KMCV. Once, banished by a tiff from the marital
bed, K's father rebelled at the hard couch. `No, "you" take the b --
sofa!' he cried. Quickening within his mother's womb, the foetal K heard
this as `You take over the BSFA!' and spent the next 25 years tortured
by a compulsion to obey -- forever frustrated, as he had "no idea how to
do so". Then FOTF came to the rescue! KMcV's "free personality test"
(only 50p!) indicated a six-month pre-clear course in BSFAmanship, led
by such luminaries as Alan Dorey(TM) and Maureen Speller. After only ten
such courses, K took over the BSFA and became a "fully integrated
personality". L.RON HUBBARD'S FANS OF THE FUTURE had triumphed again!
[To be continued.]
MARTIN HOARE -- AN APOLOGY. "Ansible" has apologized to Martin for
quoting him as saying, of Novacon 21: `Crap hotel, crap programme, a few
nice people.' We now acknowledge that this was a gross misrepresentation
of Mr Hoare's views, and that the final words should read: `quite a few
nice people.'
STEVE GREEN -- AN APOLOGY. We are very sorry about Steve Green.
"INTERZONE" CROSSOVER ISSUE. Rejoice! By special arrangement,
"Ansible 56" will be combined with "Interzone 56" and sent to all "IZ"
subscribers as well as you lot. To avoid disappointing these dozens if
not scores of new readers, the issue will include extra `guest' features:
[] 50-word `It Pays To Increase Your Clute Power' reviews ramification
[] "Warhammer" drabble trilogy by Kim Newman Outraged letter from an
"Interzone" subscriber Editorial microdot by David Pringle, explaining
"Ansible"'s superiority over higher-circulation magazines. []
ASPIRING AUTHOR? You need the "Charles Stross Novel Reading Service". Our
expert gives "state-of-the-art programmed tuition" and "hands-on market
experience" by letting you read his novels.
[] CASE HISTORY: AC. A free FAN-METER test (only 50p!) laid bare the
engram which held her in thrall. While AC was but a tadpole her mother
overheard a squabble between rival Armenian priests. `Your altar-cloth
is crap,' said one, and the retort `Your censer is shit!' reached the
embryonic ears as ... `Censorship!' So AC grew to womanhood unable to
express her true feelings because "her brain censored itself!" Now, freed
at last from this inner prison by FANS OF THE FUTURE therapy, she
joyfully rants against the censors of this world at every opportunity.
Nothing can stop her now! (This last problem may result from a small bug
in the psycho-programming, but we are working on it and soon expect
"another happy ending" for L.RON HUBBARD'S FANS OF THE FUTURE!)
EASTERCON '94 VOTING. Reject any bid venues in EC countries condemned by
Amnesty International for human rights violations! (E.g. Britain.) Write
"now" to the Committee For Holding All Future Eastercons In Holland Or
Luxembourg, Box 92.
TOP SF EDITOR, many contacts, often sober, may soon be free to accept
major post. Pension essential. JJ c/o Macdonald.
KATIE -- congrats on our 10th wedding anniversary! Martin.
COMPUTER FREAKS! The Leeds Group is pleased to announce that it is
at last "socially OK" to work for computer firms, produce fanzines via
desktop publishing, and drone on about your DTP set-up in said fanzines
... while retaining "right-on Angst "and "total cool!" Learn how from the
NIGEL E.RICHARDSON SCHOOL OF COOL, Box 386SXM/16. (No beards need apply.)
[] CASE HISTORY: TI. His mother, the first midshipwoman in the Royal
Navy, had a nasty encounter (only 50p!) when Welsh pirate captain Short
Chris Evans and his evil crew overran her ship. One broke open the
captain's locker to reveal spirits and pieces of eight, and called: `Rum,
coins, Evans!' But Evans had viler plans. `Bugger coins!' he roared.
`Coins won't off-shoot my loins!' Through the plashing of the amniotic
fluid, little TI understood these muffled voices as: `Run cons! Ever-
bigger cons! Cons on offshore islands!' Sure enough, that is what he grew
up to do (after his mother had been luckily rescued by HMS
"Easterbrook"). This incredible story could never have been revealed
without L.RON HUBBARD'S FANS OF THE FUTURE!
JERRY POURNELLE is afraid of heights! But as I say in my ace collection
"N-Space", `I have never once heard Jerry suggest that people should be
forced to stop building skyscrapers ... If some folk are terrified of
unseen death by radiation, then let 'em deal with their own neuroses,
instead of forcing us to stop building the atomic plants.' This has
been a paid plea from the "Larry Niven Campaign for More Nukes and Null-A
Logic".
TENSE? NERVOUS? Afraid of "voting wrong" in fan awards? Full, easy-
to-understand instructions available: Helicon, Box 69.
NERVOUS? TENSE? Afraid of "voting wrong" in fan awards and getting
thumped? Astral Guidance only 50p! D.West, Box 96.
CASE HISTORY: SI. It was a ferry terminal mix-up: `Tell me,'
wailed Paterfamilias, "`what ship my car is on!'" Receiving the garbled
command `Worship Mike Harrison!', the incipient SI was doomed to spend
his life ... "[That's enough engrams -- Ed.]
"READERS OF "ANSIBLE" UNITE! "Demand" better value for money. "Ask"
if it's true that for "A53 1/2" the editor plans to print only one [the
original stopped here and did not continue as usual overleaf].
Text (c) Dave Langford, 1994
15/1/94
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 54
JANUARY 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
BSFA DIRECTIVE #5,271,009/91: Following summit talks on a Single European
Fandom, all British fanzines must in future conform to A4 or A5 format.
As from mid-1992 there will be heavy fines for using quarto or being Rob
Hansen. Pass it on.
### WHO HE? (ED.) ###
"David V.Barrett" wishes it to be known that Chris Morgan's book "Fortune
Telling" (see "A53") will be utterly outclassed by DVB's "The
Encyclopaedia of Prediction", to be delivered soon.
"Paul" `I wish you hadn't written that' "Brazier"'s joyful Xmas card
promises that his "Nexus 2" will appear Real Soon Now.
"Chuck Death", cartoonist of `Great Pop Things' ("NME" and "LA
Times"), is actually my more famous brother Jon -- now offered Vast Sums
by Penguin for a collection of these `total lies about rock people'. For
some odd reason the Penguin contract has a no-blasphemy clause. `That
can't get you into any trouble?' I asked. JL: `Er, um, there "is" this
sequence where God gets totally out of his skull on LSD and destroys the
world....' "Our media correspondent adds:" `I refer you to the 17 Dec
"Village Voice" (New York), in which your Jon of the Mekons makes an
appearance. Or a bit of him does. In plaster. With instructions on how
to do it. Or how it was done.' [RIB] What, again?
"Garry Kilworth" explains that Methuen made him change 19th-century
yards and gallons (in "The Drowners") to metres and litres because `they
said kids wouldn't understand'. Whatever next? `The term "half a guinea"
should be altered to "53p". References to playing halma and diabolo will
not be understood -- please substitute "Nintendo" throughout.'
"Michael Moorcock"'s latest notepaper is headed, `By Appointment:
HARLAN ELLISON'S BRITISH MOUTHPIECE.' Pardon?
"Terry Pratchett" is overcome, not merely at being gently done over
in "Private Eye". `Discworld may slow down a bit from now on ... after
four or five years at this rate the social bolts are shaking loose.
Besides, the sheer "business" of authoring takes up more and more time
-- we have to handle the mail with a shovel.' But the next completed
draft is still expected `around March/April. Trouble is, I "really" want
to do yet another Granny Weatherwax one, and it's not her turn....'
"Steve Sneyd" offers a 3pp `preliminary listing' of UK sf poetry
collections: "Orbiting a Data Dump I" ... 30p to 4 Nowell Place,
Almondbury, Huddersfield, West Yorks, HD5 8PB.
"Fay Sampson" is alive and well in Selly Oak: `Headline offered for
my next two novels, but I wasn't sure if one would be right for their
list, since it would be about the Synod of Whitby ... I haven't had the
courage to tell my agent that I also want to do one about the Pelagian
heresy. Headline are bringing out my first five adult novels as an
omnibus, titled "Daughter of Tintagel". In the final one, "Herself"
[Jan], Morgan le Fay gets a chance to answer back at all the people who
have written about her over the centuries. Some of those authors are
still alive ... I shall wait for the libel suits.'
"Brian Stableford", reproved by Simon & Schuster for his new book's
inadequately thrusting title, has now offered them an author's note
giving the S&S sales force total credit for replacing his merely relevant
"Young Blood" with the enticingly perfervid "The Hunger and Ecstasy of
Vampires". [BS]
"Alex Stewart", interviewed in "Imagination" (Nov), remarks: `It
took me a long time to learn how to write good.' [SG]
"Ian Watson" writes: `I've gone DEAF in my right ear through
stupidly washing it -- or washing it stupidly. Just back from a party
where the resident dog went bananas when a hot-air balloon flew over.
Apparently horses & sheep react similarly. This indicates a hard-wired
genetic response, proving the existence of a garish, rotund, aerial
predator unknown to modern so-called science.... Just sold an unwritten
2-volume epic to Gollancz for quite a few oodles. My powers as a
hypnotist are growing -- but I am stricken deaf by the Gods.' "[On that
screenplay:]" `The last word from Stanley [Kubrick] a fair while back
was, "This is great, Ian!", followed by the fatal procrastinatory phrase,
"I might just "tinker" with it a little...."' (Harrowing later
descriptions of how Ian had his ear syringed are omitted, as somewhat too
sensational for you lot.)
"David Wingrove" is not happy with "Vector" co-editor Catie Cary's
sadistically violent attack on his "The White Mountain" ("Chung Kuo #3")
as `pornography', in an editorial "and" a review. Feeling that the
repressive BSFA junta will deny him the right to reply -- possibly a
self-fulfilling prophesy, as his rebuttal runs to six single-spaced pages
-- DW has been copying the whole voluminous controversy to every BSFA
member he can trace. No doubt this one will run and run.
"Don Wismer" revives the traditional SFWA award log-rolling with a
mass mailing rubber-stamped THIS BOOK HAS ALMOST MADE THE NEBULA
PRELIMINARY BALLOT. IF YOU LIKE IT, PLEASE RECOMMEND IT.... His "A Roil
of Stars" (Baen) looks fairly awful, but his market research is worse --
I left SFWA ages ago.
### CONDOM ###
SOME REGULAR EVENINGS BSFA 3rd Thur, Old Coffee House, Beak St,
London. READING every Mon, ICL Club opp. station `THE BLACK LODGE'
(horror), 2nd Tue, Australian Bar, Brum BRUM GROUP, 3rd Fri, ditto []
CITY ILLITERATES, every Fri, Lord Nelson, Stanhope St, London []
WELLINGTON, er....
25 Jan PENTACON, Univ. Centre, Cambridge. #5 reg. SF/fan/academia
mix in the much-revered tradition of Fencon. Contact Helen Steele,
Newnham College, Cambridge.
29 Jan TROY CLUB monthly symposium, Hanway St, near Tottenham Ct
Rd tube. Featured drinker: Gamma. Last Wed every month. Toastmaster:
Gamma. Regulars: John Brosnan and Gamma. Litres of fun for everyone!
31 Jan - 2 Feb FOURPLAY, Victoria Pk Hotel, Wolverhampton.
#18
reg, rooms #28/person/night.
Contact 2 Craithie Rd, Vicars Cross,
Chester, CH3 5JL. F*lk....
7-9 Feb TRINCON 400, Trinity Coll/Powers Hotel, Dublin. IR#15
reg, IR#7/day at door; IR#25 hotel b&b (sharing). Contact 75 Kincora Ave,
Clontarf, Dublin 3. "Many" guests -- they even asked me, but it clashes
with a US trip. Poot.
14-16 Feb MASQUE, Cobden Hotel, Birmingham. #20 reg. Contact 27
Coltsfoot Dr, Waterlooville, Hants, PO7 8DD. A `convention for
costumers'? I tiptoe nervously away....
21-23 Feb LUCON IVY, Leeds Univ Union, Leeds. #7 reg. GoH Gwyneth
Jones. Contact Leeds U SF Soc, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 1UH. Winner: `Entry
with Most Mentions of Leeds.'
7 Mar PICOCON 10, Imperial College Union, Beit Hall, Prince
Consort Rd, London, SW7 2BB. GoHs Brian Stableford and me. #5 reg.
Attractions promised: `cheap bar!'
17-20 Apr ILLUMINATION, 43rd Eastercon; Norbreck Castle Hotel,
Blackpool. #25 reg. Rooms #28/person/night. GoHs Paul McAuley, Geoff
Ryman, Pam Wells (fan). Contact 379 Myrtle Rd, Sheffield, S2 3HQ.
24-26 Apr FREUCON, Eurocon; Freudenstadt, Germany. #15 reg (#20
from 1 Jan) to UK agent Oliver Gruter, Dept of Physics, RHBN College,
Egham, Surrey, TW20 0EX. Yes, it was going to be in Yugoslavia, but....
22-25 May INCONSEQUENTIAL, Aston Court Hotel, Derby. GoH Robert
Rankin. #21 reg; rooms #30/single, #52/double. Contact 12 Crich Avenue,
Littleover, Derby, DE3 6ES. `Humour' theme. Bring a joke.
29-31 May SHOTS ON THE PAGE!, Rutland Sq Hotel, St James's St,
Nottingham, NG1 6FW: first all-British crime & mystery con. Guests
include Donald Westlake. #25 reg (#35 from 13 Jan) to Broadway Media
Centre, 14 Broad St, Nottingham, NG1 3AL. Room bookings direct to hotel:
#30/person/night double, #40 single. Linked with Nottingham `Shots in the
Dark!' crime/mystery event (28 May-7 Jun).
19-21 Jun PROTOPLASM, Parkers Hotel, somewhere in Manchester. #14
reg. GoH Bob Shaw. Contact 1 Shoesmith Ct, Merchants Place, Reading,
Berks, RG1 1DT. Special Raspberry Award to PR2 for omitting membership
fees "and" room rates.
`Late' Jul HASTICON, Hastings. GoH David Gemmell. A George Hay
Tentative SF Event, depending on local arts funding. Contact 53b All
Saints St, Hastings, TN34 3BN.
1 Aug CLWYDCON, `SF poetry theme', Celyn Horticultural Coll.,
Northop, Clwyd. #6 reg, #13.50/room inc breakfast. Contact Rose Cottage,
3 Tram Lane, Buckley, Clwyd, CH7 3JB. Steve Sneyd stresses the sf link
while bossman Pete Presford assures small-press poetry folk that there
won't be "much" sf at all, honest, don't be put off.... A Presford
sighting in "New Hope International Review" shows his much-loved
analytical style unchanged, with a review reading, in full: "`If you're
a hippie from the 70s or so Green yer socks drop off, this is for you but
it gave me a headache.'" [JN]
7-9 Aug SCONE (Unicon 13), Clyde Halls, Glasgow. #12 reg. GoHs
Iain Banks, Anne Page. Contact Glasgow U Union, 32 University Ave,
Glasgow, G12 8LX. `Games in sf' theme.
3-7 Sept MAGICON (50th Worldcon), Orlando, Florida, USA. GoHs
Jack Vance, Vincent DiFate, Walt Willis. Cost: $vast but temporarily
mislaid by me. Contact 14 St Bernard's Rd, Sutton Coldfield, W.Midlands,
B72 1LE.
6-8 Nov NOVACON 22, Forte Post House Hotel near Birmingham
airport. #18 reg. GoH Storm Constantine. Contact 121 Cape Hill,
Smethwick, Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH ... again.
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon (+Eurocon); Hotel de France,
Jersey. #22 reg. GoHs John Brunner, George R.R.Martin. Contact 63 Drake
Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ.
28-31 May 93 MEXICON V, Cairn Hotel, Harrogate. #18 reg. `Written
sf' slant. Contact: as Novacon. "[Enough! -- Ed.]"
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TEN YEARS AGO ... Malcolm Edwards got his foot on the ladder as associate
sf editor at Gollancz. `Pringle the Penguin' arrived at Chessington Zoo
while the other David Pringle, on the first day of his new Brighton job,
broke his leg in three places. London's "Dark They Were And Golden-Eyed"
sf bookshop celebrated its first and last creditors' meeting and vanished
from the scene, pursued by #100,000 in debts. "The Many-Coloured Land"
(remember that?) had 50% more preliminary Nebula votes than the eventual
winner "The Claw of the Conciliator". From Birmingham came news of the
COFF fund's first launch. And after wintry market trials, the "Omni Book
of the Future" partwork was declared officially dead. ("Ansible 23", Jan
82).
BIOHAZARD! The sf/horror TV series "Chimera" was ill-received by
genetic engineers. "International Biotechnology Laboratory" sneered, `As
a piece of sf it was not exactly Isaac Asimov or Brian Heinlein.' "New
Scientist" pondered the origins of this new sf chimera: Heinlein crossed
with Aldiss or with Stableford? Chris Priest was reminded of Ballard's
early US collection from Berkley, with the blurb: `Only Brian Addiss,
Theodore Sturgeon and Arthur B.Clarke can rival him....'
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: BASHGALI. Zhi mare badist ta wo ayo
kakkok damiti gwa, a lammergeier came down from the sky and took off my
cock. (Quoted by Eric Newby.) [SS]
UNAUTHORIZED SEX CO. PLEASE NOTE ... the new James Tiptree Jr Award
for `gender-expanding sf'. Expand yours now! [Thyme]
BITING THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU was one bitter description of my
jocularities on awful sf lines in "The Guardian" (19 Dec). "Q:" `Why not
write about good stuff? Or at least say there's lots of good sf too?'
"A:" They requested a column on lousy fiction. They cut out my `lots of
good sf too' disclaimer.
BRITISH FANZINE BIBLIOGRAPHY: Vince Clarke offers Part 4 for 1971-
80, following Peter Roberts's 3 musty volumes. A5 booklet, 31pp+covers,
80p from 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN. Seems like good stuff,
with minor omissions only.
IT WASN'T ME, GUV ... but Scientology HQ at East Grinstead was
burned down on 18 Dec. A nation mourns.
GUFF. Will sultry Bridget Wilkinson or exotic Eva Hauser travel to
the Aussie National Con in Sydney? Tension mounts. Voting closes 31 Jan;
ballot forms copiously available.
TAFF. Vote for JEANNE BOWMAN (or R.Brandt) by 15 Jan!
UP THE FUNDAMENT: `Ayatollah Christianity continues in California
... a school reading series has been taken to court by the usual fanatics
and dingbats who say that extracts from such well-known Satanists as
C.S.Lewis and Roger McGough contravene the US Constitution ("re" teaching
religion in schools). "If we can't, then these proponents of the Wiccan
Religion shouldn't," they say....' [AS]
"A53" ERATUMS! Ashley Watkins was in fact owed #641.25 by Newsfield
Ltd (dec'd) -- `the liquidator's report got it wrong.' The `World
Fantasy Awards' from "Fire and Water" must have been the British ones.
In the WFAs, "Only Begotten Daughter" (J.Morrow) and "Thomas the Rhymer"
(E.Kushner) tied for best novel. Of UK interest, besides the Gaiman/Vess
"Sandman" as reported ... "Best New Horror" (S.Jones/R.Campbell) was
voted best anthology and Dave McKean best artist. David Pringle is
hurt that his quoted brag about new "Million" subscribers mentioned only
`Frank Muir', omitting `"and" Denis Norden'.
EDITORIAL: I had a cold and missed all the New Year fun, including
the fabled Martin Hoare Triple Party Dash. His first venue had stipulated
drag, the third required you to come as a pub, and "Ansible" is almost
sorry not to have gazed upon Mr Hoare passing through the intervening
party at Whitchurch Rectory, dressed as (presumably) the Queen's Arms.
### THESE FOOLISH THINGS ... ###
"... remind CHRIS ATKINSON of the almost recent Altercon 666:"
Throwing Mike Dickinson's wet socks at plastic bottles in the
dark Hitting Sylvia Starshine in the face with one instead The
simultaneous malfunction of three central heating systems connected only
by the arcane knowledge of the fish-oil factor Not being arrested
while prowling lonely Tottenham parks at night carrying boxes of
explosives and wearing funny hats Bifurcated penises Leroy Kettle
with one green ear and one pink ear Gamma saying to Jackie Gresham,
`Hello, you look like a tart, come and sit on my knee.' The bared
shoulders of Rob Holdstock Tom Shippey in a cowboy outfit and a long
curly wig Abigail Frost turning water into wine Cucumbers in the
bathroom The mystic transsubstantiation of fish-oil into quiche The
halo round Jane McKenna's head at the moment of reincarnation Piles
of stuffed dogs with their legs in the air Holding on to my reticule
despite everything. [CA via LK]
Text (c) Dave Langford, 1992. May be xeroxed freely. Inputs: Chris
Atkinson, R.I.Barycz, Steve Green, Linda Krawecke (Fax Mistress), Joseph
Nicholas, Andy Sawyer, Steve Sneyd, Brian Stableford and A Major SF
Figure. Happy New Year!
2-1-92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 55
FEBRUARY 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
EDITORIAL PANIC! Time ticks away. On 10 Feb I fly west to be Famous For
Fifteen Minutes at Boskone 29 (Springfield, MA). The metered gibber level
has risen steadily since mid-January, not helped by work crises and a
death in the family. Bear with me if bubbling, ebullient wit seems in
short supply....
### NAME DROPPINGS ###
"Greg Bear", older readers will recall, was to appear in Birmingham in
Feb 92 "(Brum SF Group Newsletter)", soon corrected to Feb 93 "(ibid)".
The "BSFGN" now "re"-corrects this to 14 Feb 92 (at the White Lion pub),
with snide remarks about the `less than illustrious' BSFG ex-chair and
newshound Chris Chivers.
"John Brunner"'s marriage to LiYi Tan had spinoff coverage in "New
Statesman" when he revealed that UK visas for Chinese fiancees now
involve vast paperwork from the `Identity Card Project, Working Group'.
This, despite Home Office denials, convinces John that identity cards
will be introduced here before 1997 to cope with the Hong Kong exodus.
Blimey. [JN]
"Gordon Dickson"'s sequel to his 1976 "The Dragon and the George"
just came from Tor (plug). I distinctly remember the original book's
lovable wolf called Aragh. Did Dickson sink gleaming fangs deep into the
copyeditor's flesh on finding the wolf in "The Dragon Knight" renamed,
throughout, `Aargh'?
"William Gibson" can surely have nothing to do with the `ANONYMOUS
LEAK OF AN EXTRAORDINARY EXAMPLE OF UNCONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION' received
here, purporting to be an exchange from Scene 109B of "Alien III" as
revised on 17 Dec:
DAVID: "I have a problem with this."
JUDE: "What part?"
DAVID: "The part where we run around in a dark fucking maze
with that thing chasing us."
Could the message be that the mantle of Shakespeare himself has
fallen on screenwriters Walter Hill and David Giler?
"John Gilbert" `is still hoping to relaunch "Fear", but nothing is
signed yet. "Terror" is nothing whatsoever to do with him (has anyone
actually seen a copy of it?).' [DVB] Steve Green implies that he has; he
didn't seem frightfully impressed -- "Ed".
"Tanith Lee" is exposed at last in the small print of "Kill the
Dead" (reissue): `The right of Tanith Lee to be identified as the author
of this work has been asserted by "HIM" in accordance with the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act, 1988....' [NB]
"Chris Morgan" requests samples of fans' scribble for his book on
handwriting analysis (321 Sarehole Rd, Hall Green, Birmingham, B28 0AL).
He adds: `When's Dave Barrett going to produce an inferior "Encyclopaedia
of Graphology"?' [CM]
"John Julius Norwich" seeks the title and author of a lousy novel
at least 40 years old, notable for these lines: `I glanced from the gems
to the face of the girl ... and surprised a rapt, wondering look in her
eyes. I saw her breasts rise and fall in a long sigh as she slipped them
back into the soft leather wallet and passed them to her father. I would
have given my right arm to have taken them and hung them from those
delicate ears where they belonged.'
"David Pringle"'s endless "Realms of Fantasy" saga continues: `The
fantasy magazine is on indefinite hold now, following Allan Bryce's
"loss" of #20,000 income in the bankruptcy of one of his distributors,
Periodicals in Particular (who used to handle "Interzone" years ago, but
no more -- thank God).' [DP]
"Ian Watson" suffers Administrative Error: `VGSF have been reissuing
Ian's stuff in paperback. W.H.Smith routinely order 150 or 200 copies for
their hundreds of dynamic branches nationwide. When "The Jonah Kit"
appeared they ordered 1500 copies, which were duly delivered. Yes! You
guessed it! A typo! They'd only meant to order 150, tsk tsk ... but when
they came to send back the surplus they found they had already sold 800.'
[CP] So did WHS proceed to order only 150 of Ian's next paperback? To the
amazement of cynics all over the "Ansible" staff, they actually ordered
600.... [IW]
"Ian Williams"'s first novel "The Lies That Bind" `has hit the
remainder shops of Leeds with a speed even you wouldn't envy. A snip at
99p for the hardback.' [NER]
"Don Wismer", whose award log-rolling was noted in "A54", did make
it to the final Nebula ballot -- as did 20 others. [DG]
### EASTERCON '94 CAMPAIGN NEWS ###
At the Wellington pub meeting in January, a voice hissed in my editorial
ear: "`Don't believe that beermat -- it's a forgery!'" This left me
bemused until I got a letter and a beermat from David V.Barrett of the
avowedly devious Sou'Wester (Bristol) bid. His letter claims that one
Robert Newman of the Contact (Isle of Man) bid made, and signed before
witnesses, the beermat's `on-the-record statement': "`I am 100% in favour
of homosexuality, I am 100% in favour of paganism. I can't think of a
more stupid idea than holding a con on the Isle of Man.'"
In my impartial way I invited Contact to comment, but got no reply.
Could all this be the Contact dirty tricks department trying to make
Sou'Wester look bad by persuading them to base their campaign on a
spurious beermat? Unless it's the Sou'Wester dirty tricks department
trying to make Contact look bad by conveying that they are up to dirty
tricks as inept as in the preceding sentence? Or maybe ... my brain
hurts.
The usual small drink is offered for further beermats carrying
damning, multiply witnessed revelations from either bid.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TEN YEARS AGO ... Kingsley Amis issued another definitive pronouncement
that sf was dead. ("Radio Times", 6 Feb 82)
AFTERBIRTH OF TAFF: famous Jeanne Bowman won by a narrow margin in
both Europe and America, and will display her shy, retiring personality
at Illumination. Ballots cast: 53 Europe, 125 US. First-place votes:
Jeanne 87 (UK 27, US 60), Richard Brandt 81 (23/58), No Preference 4
(1/3), Hold Over Funds 2 (0/2) and 4 write-ins. [PW] Jeanne's victory
statement explains all: `I asked Robert Lichtman for some fan addresses
and phone numbers and he got that aha ho ho ho tone in his voice and
said, "Jeanne, when you have memorized 50 addresses then you will have
become a TruFan." "Oh Robert no! I will be a boring old fart."' In his
graceful-loser statement, Richard adds: `Still awaiting the first
publication of Larry Niven's correspondence with L.Ron Hubbard: "N-
Grams".'
CLARKE AWARDS SHORTLIST: "Raft" (Baxter), "Eternal Light" (McAuley),
"White Queen" (Jones), the "Hyperion" pair (Simmons), "Subterranean
Gallery" (Russo) and "Synners" (Cadigan). Winner to be announced in July.
A spy reports that Powers's "The Stress of Her Regard" would have been
there but was excluded by majority vote as being fantasy. (The spy disagrees.)
SFWA CONFIRMED AS `NOT SFWA'. `Now officially SFFWA -- Science
Fiction "and Fantasy" Writers of America! Yippee!!' [DG]
DRABBLES. Book 1, "The Drabble Project", has sold out: profit to the
RNIB, #1548.43. Book 3 is now open, a further 100 100-word stories with
(this time, oh God) a "Dr Who" slant: 160 Beaumont Rd, Bournville,
Birmingham, B30 1NY. [RR]
MUSICAL PUBLISHERS: Deborah Beale has moved to Anthony Cheetham's
spanking new Orion/Millennium sf imprint, and John Jarrold to
Century/Arrow. Who's next at Futura/Orbit? [DG] Maxwell Gloom reached the
MCC publishing companies with a spate of bounced royalty cheques ...
companies in administration ... authors told to stop work on projects ...
#10-12M reputedly owed to printers, authors etc. Mr Jarrold's scuttle
down the Macdonald/Futura mooring lines was clearly well-timed. Only
ever-cheery Chris Priest was gleefully able to report a silver lining:
`"My" Abacus titles don't earn royalties.'
SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA II. Macdonald were allegedly conferring this week
about the project, `which cannot proceed with them or their (increasingly
elusive) successor firm until they pay arrears due Paul Barnett for
months of copy-editing "[over #3000 -- Ed.]" and Brian Stableford for
revising his 1979 entries. The book itself is very near completion ...
We expect to exceed a million words. If Macdonalds are forced to release
us, we think we have homes to go to.' [JC]
"FAR POINT:" `If you've seen the 2nd issue (Jan-Feb) of this new
British sf mag, you may have found its cover art (by somebody called Tony
Todd) familiar. It's a total rip-off of the cover of the great "Interzone
31" (1989), exquisitely painted by David A.Hardy. I'm told by DAH that
not only will "he" be paid the money due for the cover, but he has also
been appointed Art Editor of "Far Point".' [CM] Other editors receiving
cover art submissions from T.Todd might check them for familiarity....
SFWA COUP HORROR. `"Ansible" should mention the new award from SFWA.
The membership kept voting down the idea of a Nebula for "best dramatic
presentation" -- so Pres.Ben Bova starts a "President's Award". Just like
that. The votes have always gone against the idea, so the top man decides
what "he" wants. (Apparently Paul Di Filippo has suggested there should
be a President's Award for "best spelling".)' [AAC] In a moving
announcement, BB explains that his `Best Dramatic Script' award is not
actually a Nebula. Thus the members don't even get to vote on the winner:
this is already being decided by a Bova-picked committee, and the award
will be democratically presented at SFWA's Nebula banquet on 25 April,
so there.
"FILE 770:" Mike Glyer's fanzine just brought me hot news of
ConFiction '90. I do love his prejudices: `The daily newszine's British
editors predictably took a kill-the-messenger approach ... and panned
Konkol's announcement "[no flash photos during the Hugos]" as brusque and
unnecessary.' FACT: the newsletter merely said `unnecessarily brusque',
which is not the same. FACT: its predictably vile, British Hugo coverage
was by one German/Dutch and one Finland-dwelling American fan.
1991 `FASTSELLERS'. The "Guardian's" UK Top 100 had only one `sf'
item, "Better Than Life" (#60); four fantasies, Eddings's "Ruby Knight"
(#45) and three by or half-by our Mr Ubiquitous -- "Moving Pictures"
(#47), "Good Omens" (#61) and "Diggers" (#76); and under horror, the
usual Kings (#13, #44, #71) plus Herbert's "Creed" (#19). What of the
appallingly popular Dean R.Koontz? His entries (#27, #56, #58) are listed
as Thrillers. Best new category: echoing the critics' reaction, Stephen
Donaldson's sf "Gap into Conflict" (#95) appears under `???'.
"NOT" HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS. "Qagh" -- a serpent worm, used
(live) as food? Even if there is now an official Klingon dictionary, by
Marc Okrand, Hazel does not wish to know. [MMW]
SF FOUNDATION THREAT? The Polytechnic of East London has reportedly
decided to evict the unique SFF library/archive in 1993, unless after ten
years on a starvation budget it becomes `self-financing'. "Foundation"
magazine is almost so and would probably survive: the library could face
a ruinous dispersal. Confirmation of PoEL plans is expected imminently.
[AAC]
WEERDE DOINGS ... The second Midnight Rose shared-world series, "The
Weerde" (`It's werewolves but we're calling them something different'),
had an invisibly publicized launch at the inevitable Cafe Munchen on 1
Feb. Our fashion correspondent claims that no one looked at the book
because they were staring at Storm Constantine's low-cut dress in scarlet
crushed velvet; our literary correspondent incontinently fled Charles
Stross and the two complete novel MSS in his bulging briefcase. Brian
Stableford revealed his big new contract, #50 for wearing a borrowed
dinner-jacket and addressing a herd of quantity surveyors at Trinity
College. The "Weerde 2" line-up was leaked: Steve Baxter, Molly Brown,
Colin Greenland, Graham Higgins, Liz Holliday (twice!), Roz Kaveney, Mike
Ibeji, D.Langford, Marcus Rowland, Charles Stross and Liz Young.
Paymaster Alex Stewart and his magic chequebook were much sought after.
So were the general book-buying public, who proved elusive.
### CONCAULESCENCE: UPDATES ###
"Once again I shirk the mind-numbing tedium of a `complete' con list...."
"Monthly" BSFA LONDON MEETINGS cancelled until further notice --
the pub is redecorating the room and plans to hold (shudder) music nights
there. New venue hoped for by May. BRUM GROUP ... similar trouble. 3rd
Fri meetings now at the White Lion, Bristol St, Birmingham city centre.
NB extra Greg Bear event, 14 Feb `THE LEEDS NOVA AWARD COLLECTING CLUB
meets in the Adelphi almost every Friday night. Last night we shared the
back room with gruff, bluff northern playwright Alan Plater and a funny-
looking man with a strange beard who was hanging on to his every (loud,
beery) word. Which goes to show that even "real" writers don't always get
a better class of groupie than you sci-fi guys.' [NER, 4 Jan] BLACK
LODGE horror meeting "(correction)" 2nd Thur monthly, Australian Bar,
Birmingham.
7-9 Feb TRINCON 400, Trinity Coll/Powers Hotel, Dublin. IR#15
reg, IR#7/day at door; IR#25 hotel b&b (sharing). Contact 75 Kincora Ave,
Clontarf, Dublin 3. Quickly. Quicker than that, in fact.
14-16 Feb MASQUE, Cobden Hotel, Birmingham. #20 reg. Contact 27
Coltsfoot Dr, Waterlooville, Hants, PO7 8DD. A `convention for costumers'
-- ha ha, I'll be in America.
21-23 Feb LUCON IVY, Leeds University Union. #7 reg. GoH Gwyneth
Jones. Contact LU SF Soc, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 1UH.
29 Feb - 1 Mar MICROCON 12, Exeter University. GoH: various.
Overturns tradition by not clashing with Picocon! Contact K403, Cornwall
House, St German's Road, Exeter, EX4 6TJ.
7 Mar PICOCON 10, Imperial Coll. Union, Beit Hall, Prince Consort
Rd, SW7 2BB. GoHs Brian Stableford and me. #5 reg. `Cheap bar!'
30 Apr - 3 May WARP ONE, 35th UK Trek con, Middleton Tower
Holiday Centre, Morecambe. #30 reg, rooms from #26.70/person/night full
board. Set phasers on `maim' and contact 69 Merlin Crescent, Edgware,
Middlesex, HA8 6JB.
21-25 Aug PORTMEIRICON, `Prisoner' society con, Portmeirion,
Gwynedd. Outdoor events open to all, indoor ones Members Only (I assume
anyone can join). Contact Six of One, PO Box 60, Harrogate.
2-4 Oct FANTASYCON XVII, Midland Hotel, Birmingham. #10
`deductible pre-reg': full, appalling cost to be announced. Ditto the
guest or guests. Contact 15 Stanley Rd, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5DE.
16-19 Oct OCTOCON, 3rd Irish national con, Royal Marine Hotel,
Dun Laoghaire, Dublin. Contact 30 Beverley Downs, Dublin 16, Eire.
6-8 Nov NOVACON 22, Royal Angus Hotel, Birmingham -- "note
laudably changed venue". #18 reg. GoH Storm Constantine. Contact 121 Cape
Hill, Smethwick, Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH.
26-29 Mar 93 THE ADVENTURERS CON (not confirmed) for fans of
anything from the Saint via Gerry Anderson to Danger Man. Contact 10
Brook Ave, Edgware, Middlesex.
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon and Eurocon -- #22 reg, #1
for kids under 8, rates firm until after Easter. See next....
16-18 Apr 93 SMOFCON con-runners' con, imported at colossal
expense from America to the Hotel de France, Jersey. (The idea is that
you stay over from Helicon in the same hotel on the previous weekend.
Gorblimey.) #20 reg, #2 off if you join(ed) Helicon. Contact for both:
63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ.
Ansible 55 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Inputs: David V.Barrett, Ned Brooks,
John Clute, An Anonymous Correspondent, Abigail Frost, David Garnett,
Steve Green, Tim Illingworth, Dave Lally, Chris Morgan, Joseph Nicholas,
Chris Priest, David Pringle, Nigel E.Richardson, Roger Robinson, Ian
Watson, Pam [TAFF] Wells, Martin Morse Wooster.
7/2/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 56
MARCH 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
### ANGELA CARTER, 1940-1992 ###
"JOHN CLUTE writes:" Angela Carter never made bones about dying, and did
not leave the world until she was taken from it, until there was nothing
left of her. Two weeks before she died of lung cancer, a journalist
friend came from the States in large part because she had conveyed to him
her wish to do an interview. He knew (because she made no bones about it)
that her health was precarious, but came because she was important to
him, one of the few important writers around, the sort of writer (as the
"Guardian" obituary said) who was too threatening ever to win a Booker.
My friend waited by the phone, but the call, when it came, was from an
intermediary who said that Angela Carter, much against her will, was now
leaving. Words to that effect. He went back to America.
She threatened the literary establishment (the "Times" obituary was
notably poisonous), and I suspect she threatened sf readers too. Novels
like "Heroes and Villains" (1969), or "The Infernal Desire Machines of
Doctor Hoffman" (1972), or "The Passion of New Eve" (1977), or "Nights
at the Circus" (1984), are "dangerous". They dissect the psyche and the
future, sex and the technologies of control, with an intelligence that
seems at times excessively barbed and rebarbative, sharp and loony,
amused and incessant. She had an instinct for the masks of power that
gives her work a feminist import, not because she was an advocate (she
advocated nothing) but because she seemed incapable of telling a lie. Her
only book of journalism was called "Nothing Sacred", which is to say, of
course, that everything to Angela Carter was indeed sacred, but also very
funny. She is best perhaps approached through her stories, in which she
strips bare myths and fables of the Western world, and then gives them
to us again. Books like "Fireworks" (1974), "The Bloody Chamber" (1979)
and "Black Venus" (1985) are where to start. Where you end will be a new
mourning. [JC]
### THE USUAL SUSPECTS ###
"Greg Benford", I overheard in New York, is far from pleased by the
announcement of a movie called "Timescape". Since this is a trademark (of
Simon & Schuster), eager lawyers might well get the film renamed for US
distribution. "`Timescope?'" mused mighty editor David HartwellTM: "`The
Scape of Time?'"
"Abigail Frost" reports: `Geoff Ryman had a party to celebrate his
very wonderful "Was"; much falling about in the Munchen, graced by
everyone from Dave Wingrove to scummy little fans like me and Ashley
Watkins. Jane Johnson looked editorially radiant and smug as she accepted
the congratulations of all readers, Ryman being by then too pissed to
hear. Dave Barrett and Roger Robinson handed out Eurocon Award voting
(nomination?) forms with orders to vote for "Foundation"; scanning the
other categories I squealed, "Young Author/Artist? Giggle giggle giggle,
let's all vote for Charles Stross!"
`"Yes, he's quite a serious contender," said Barrett, not giggling
one little bit. Stuffed socks into mouth ... but the laugh was on me;
next day Roz wandered into the Greg Bear signing and found Strossers and
Deborah Beale celebrating his new two-book contract. "Mine's a pint," she
said, faster than a speeding bullet, and actually got one. "Aaargh!" I
said at the news, "He'll become insufferable, no, not "become"...."
`"I think fame will mellow him," Roz said magisterially. "Yes -- you
could say, "Charles (Fame Will Mellow Him) Stross was buying rounds and
telling Greg Bear what was wrong with his science....""' [AJF]
"Neil Gaiman" has nothing to report, `other than the phone call I
got last week from a Big Record Studio, saying "Hi, we've got a Famous
Rock'n'Roll Star who's a fan of yours. He wants to make a concept album."
NG: "Yeah? That's nice." Him: "So, um. Do you have any concepts?"'
"Joseph Nicholas", `left-wing bogeyman', is now banned from the
letter pages of `libertarian' Kentucky fanzine "Fosfax!" [RH]
"Gene Wolfe's Book of Otters" was suggested; alas, this `Tor double'
will merely be "The Castle of Days". Guess which books?
### CONCINNITY ###
6 Mar BRITISH FANTASY SOCIETY open night, Royal Connaught, High
Holborn, 6pm onward. Informal piss-up; all welcome.
7 Mar PICOCON 10, Imperial Coll. Union, Beit Hall, Prince Consort
Rd, SW7 2BB. GoHs Brian Stableford and me. #5 reg.
17-20 Apr ILLUMINATION, 43rd Eastercon; Norbreck Castle Hotel,
Blackpool. #25 reg. Rooms #28/person/night. (Double/twin rooms copiously
available; no singles.) GoHs Paul McAuley, Geoff Ryman, Pam Wells (fan).
Contact 379 Myrtle Rd, Sheffield, S2 3HQ. The Norbreck's parent group
Principal Hotels went into receivership on 24 Feb ("Daily Telegraph").
An Illumination spokesman called this a mere business ploy -- one day's
voluntary liquidation while unwanted property investments were flogged
off. `As far as we're concerned, nothing happened,' he said. `The
newspapers did a bad job of reporting it,' whinged the hotel. `"I'm
"going to the lavish champagne reception when the Norbreck opens again
after redecoration, on 7 March,' drooled our spokesman. "Ansible:" `Er.
Can I at least report you as saying all this in a shifty and unconvincing
manner?' "Steve (for it is he) Lawson:" `Oh, all right.'
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon; Hotel de France, Jersey. #22
reg. Contact 63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ. `Official leak':
Larry van der Putte is to be Fan GoH.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
THE SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA II team breathed huge sighs of relief as Macdonald
(their fatally Maxwelled publisher) was bought by Little, Brown -- with
promises that vast sums owed to Paul Barnett and Brian Stableford would
be paid real soon now. `I'll believe it when I see the cheque,' exults
Paul.... More data: `The Encyclopaedia itself, because it had been on a
tight production schedule, has necessarily been delayed, and is now
slated for Easter 1993 release; we are expecting Macdonald to lay on some
sort of event at Helicon.' [JC]
GUFF 1992 ... Eva Hauser of Czechoslovakia is the winner and zooms
to Sydney for the Aussie national con this Easter. 84 votes were cast (32
Oz/52 Europe): 27 for Bridget Wilkinson (6/21), 51 for Eva (22/29), 6 `no
preference' etc (4/2).
FALL OF THE FOUNDATION: as feared last issue, the cruel Polytechnic
of East London "is" kicking the SF Foundation out on to the streets. Ace
psychohistorians at `Friends of Foundation' are now plotting devious
rescue schemes. Stay tuned.
"NEW WORLDS 2" is scheduled for July. Mighty editor David Garnett
sends the line-up: Ian McDonald, Paul Di Filippo, Warwick Colvin Jr,
Brian Aldiss, Peter F.Hamilton, Marc Laidlaw, Simon Ings, Ian Watson,
Jack Deighton, Stephen Baxter, D.Langford (criticism), Philip K.Dick,
Michael Moorcock (afterword). Who is Colvin, author of the `hard-science
serial' "Corsairs of the Second Ether" (all three parts this issue) --
any relation to once-famous pseudonym James Colvin? Dick contributes
`unpublished outlines of unwritten novels', 25 years old. He would,
wouldn't he?
TAFF 1993: many Euro-candidates are rumoured, including well-known
fans `Definitely DNQ For Now', `I Haven't Made Up My Mind Yet', and (I
hear via America) Kev McVeigh.
R.I.P. George MacBeth (1932-92), long ago an sf poet....
DOES POSTERITY DESERVE "THIS?" `... a huge time-capsule the
Scientologists have just finished sinking in a hillside in Humboldt
County, a couple hundred miles from here. They bought a 3,600 acre ranch
to situate the capsule on and are allowing no visitors. The capsule
itself is about 350 feet long and has the profile of a 747.' [RL, Glen
Ellen, CA] At last, they've found somewhere to put all those remaindered
dekalogies.
TEN YEARS AGO: `Philip K.Dick died on 2/3 March in California, aged
53.' ("Ansible 24", Mar 82) Ignoring excuses about this stop-press item
coming too late for date checking, fans agreed that it was "very like
Dick" to die on an indeterminate day.
### BOSKONE 29: USA POSTCARDS ###
"JFK Airport." I seem to have arrived early. My official mentor and
transport boss Ben Yalow is delayed by traffic. An increasingly
persistent cabbie works on my fears: `You're all alone here now. Soon
you'll be getting "hungry".... Believe me, this is a "bad place" to spend
the night.... I want to "help" you....' Ben rescues me before I actually
break down and cry.
"Flushing, NY." Chinese nosh with Moshe Feder (now editor of the
Military Book Club) and Lise Eisenberg is overshadowed by grim news of
why I'm not meeting fannish legend Gary Farber. He has a kidney stone the
size of a walnut, with operation after operation being postponed because
his health isn't up to it.... At the fabulous Feder family home I gaze
on bits of the Coke Collection. Is that a Coke bottle? No, it is a loving
facsimile carved from solid rock crystal. A Coke neon-sign dominates the
living room, a Coke clock broods over the kitchen, and I fall asleep
surrounded by smaller Coke memorabilia of all shapes and sizes. Blimey.
"New York City." Totally unimaginative touristy doings, plus a
skiffy exhibit at the IBM Gallery (early editions of space operas by
Kepler, de Bergerac, etc). Tor Books in the Flatiron Building is equally
full of sights to boggle at: Anna Magee's desk with its litter of plastic
rats and rubber brains (`I want to pick your brains.' `Here, catch.'),
Senior Editor Patrick Nielsen Hayden, an inflatable Edvard Munch `Scream'
figure diffusing Angst out over Broadway, and (most eldritch of all)
David Hartwell's tie. Teresa Nielsen Hayden is also an editor these days,
at Masquerade: her lurid book samples do, er um, worry me a bit when
coming back through Customs. Having recently edited one porn epic whose
hero was called Langford and the villain Hartwell, she says wistfully:
`No one would believe I hadn't put the names in myself, so I had to
change them.' Returning bloated from a swish publishing dinner with P&T,
I wonder dimly what I've promised to write. Words?
Next day it's so cold that I have to pause sightseeing to buy
gloves. Lunch with Messrs Hartwell and van Gelder of "The New York Review
of SF", for which I doubtless promise to write things. Wonder about
souvenirs for Hazel: a clockwork toy from `The Last Wound Up', a two-foot
statuette of a chap advertising interesting elastic bandages, a set of
Museum of Modern Art cookie cutters in the shapes of famous buildings
(including Sydney Opera House -- the World Trade Centre, which I have
just been up, is conspicuously not represented)? What she'd really like
is that skeletal 1890s electric toaster in the ConEd museum of energy.
Not, alas, for sale.
Most of the evening passes fannishly in a `microbrewery' said to be
the only one left in New York City. Hic.
"I-91 northbound." Ben Yalow reveals many titbits about cons and the
New England SF Association clubhouse (`Originally built on the other side
of the road from where it is now.'). I glean that Worldcon '95 bidding
is neck-and-neck. Atlanta's facilities are thought superior but large US
fan blocs distrust the committee for Historical Reasons ... while Glasgow
has the virtue of not being chaired by Malcolm Edwards.
"Springfield, MA: Boskone." This is avowedly out in the sticks, a
reaction from when Boskone '87 grew far too big. Next year it moves back
to civilization since NESFA think it's now too small, a mere 800-odd
people, most of them on the crowded programme (`A lot of people want to
appear') -- so that GoH Jane Yolen has 9 items involving 26 speakers or
panellists scheduled against her main speech (my figures as a mere
subsidiary guest are 5 and 19). Nevertheless, great stuff.
I remember: A long walk on the first morning through new and
photogenic snow Jane Yolen disrupting `Meet the VIPs' with an ad-hoc
conga line, notables like Joe and Gay Haldeman dancing over the tables
(me, I hide behind Hal Clement) Mike Glicksohn and Teresa debating
True Fanpublishing: `Twiltone!' he cries, and `The GEnie network!' she
ripostes. Tempted by technophilia, I promise to try the latter. `But,'
she sobs, `there's no GEnie node in England.' Exit Langford, with mutters
of `Bah, "generally available", humbug....' Charles Ryan explaining
to me what he thinks of Chris Priest A Glasgow '95 party with Tim
Illingworth serving single-malt from minute and clinical-looking
containers (seemingly for eye lotion or tiny urine specimens),
accompanied by other phenomena like KIM Campbell, Chris Cooper, Martin
Hoare, haggis ... the nearby Atlanta '95 party is soon emptied by this
attraction Gene and Rosemary Wolfe inviting me to dinner: I think my
jaw hangs slackly open throughout Social awareness -- free condoms in
the con suite and `British-style fan lounge' bar (`Beer, please.' `Not
until 2pm.') Priscilla (Chair) Olson's attempts to control `whimsey'
outbreaks at the banquet: jet-assisted, whistling and helicopter
balloons, chattering clockwork teeth, fetichistic headgear and worse,
courtesy of Roger MacBride Allen, Lord of Misrule (resembling a smaller,
more evil Dermot Dobson). This being Boskone, the anarchy is carefully
delimited. `Please keep it to tables marked with the Whimsey logo,'
Priscilla announces: "`Practise safe whimsey!'" Being interviewed by
Teresa about embarrassing subjects like exploding Oxford colleges and
Fred Harris Champagne and 90deg heat at the Tor party Missing the
`Dead Doe Party' at a wild-game restaurant where Chris Cooper's new
lobster glove-puppet (coming soon to a million sf events near you) makes
its entry on a platter Filling the con newsletter "Helmuth" with
Langfordiana, this hubris followed by Nemesis as, aghast, I hear myself
volunteer for Helicon's newsletter Gene Wolfe sneaking in halfway
through my `Insult Famous Authors' talk and asking later why I haven't
slagged "his" books. `You're such a flagrant case,' I lie, `that I
covered you on page one.' Lurking enjoyably in hotel bars with
"[fearfully long list omitted]" Trying to eat something bigger than
my head []
"I-91 south." Highway culture shock at noticing that the American
for `flattened hedgehog' is `inert raccoon'. Ben spills further dread con
secrets. He it was who once mollified an irascible GoH with an unpopular
presentation, by conscripting 20 gophers to remove their badges and sit
doggedly through it ... I giggle a lot. At JFK, Ben even finds and
switches me to an earlier flight. Truly a god amongst men.
"Reading." Hazel has had a good time here: flying phobia can be
cured by not flying! I think of my little rock-star brother's plans to
get married in Chicago this summer. I wonder if....
Ansible 56 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to: Boskone 29, John Clute,
Mr & Mrs Feder & Moshe (hospitality), Abigail Frost (distribution last
issue), Rob Hansen, Robert Lichtman, Patrick & Teresa Nielsen Hayden, Ben
Yalow, Jane Yolen (egoboo).
5/3/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 57
APRIL 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
STOP PRESS: some sort of `event' is apparently due on 9 April. "Ansible"
is sifting media reports in hope of ascertaining what's up and giving
readers full, one-line coverage in May, or June. [Political reference to
massively publicized British General Election.]
### THEY WALKED LIKE MEN ###
"Douglas Adams" caused alarm when unexpectedly sighted in Folkestone:
`Heaven knows what he was doing there -- we assume just gratuitously
hanging around in W.H.Smith's being very tall and attracting no attention
whatsoever. We retired outside to construct scenarios "re" his presence,
mostly featuring him having escaped from the hotel room where he was
supposedly slaving over a hot writing implement, though I gather the
novel has already been turned in.' [MS]
" Iain Banks" was reckoned to be `extremely amusing' down under at the
Adelaide Writers' Week ... not to mention `also ideologically sound
despite claiming, at the beginning of his Official Festival Talk, that
he'd intended to smuggle in a machete with which to cut off the Prime
Ministerial ocker hand that had dared to rest upon Her Majesty....' [YR]
"Orson Scott Card" was announced as winner of the `Skylark Award'
(presented by NESFA to people they like) at Boskone 29. In its Doc-
Smithian way the trophy is topped with a lens, and former winner Jane
Yolen explained why -- ever since a tragic conjunction of the Skylark,
the sun and her best coat -- it is traditionally accompanied by a gift
smoke-alarm.
"Arthur C.Clarke" -- interviewed in the "Washington Post" on 9 Mar
-- identified his notorious illness as post-polio syndrome, waxed
enthusiastic about computer-simulated gardening on Mars (the planned
futurology book is to be "The Snows of Olympus: A Garden on Mars" --
`It's really farming on Mars, although that doesn't sound quite so
romantic.'), mentioned that his fax machine was swamped by crazed fans'
birthday messages on HAL 9000's supposed `creation date' of 12 Jan 1992,
and muttered as usual of 47 projects in hand.... [MMW]
"Storm Constantine" featured recently in "Siren" magazine, reviewing
Gothic rock groups and conferring `a strange, incongruous note of
literacy' on this publication. [JH/JN]
"Lionel & Patricia Fanthorpe" achieved a huge "Publishers Weekly"
splash for "Secrets of Rennes-le-Chateau" (Samuel Weiser, spring list,
$12.50), a revamp of their invisibly published 1982 book. `The link
between Rennes-le-Chateau and Visigothic churches, Cathar castles,
Templar fortresses, Roman gold mines, Mary Magdalen, Lazarus, Joseph of
Arimathea, the Holy Grail, the Habsburgs, and even with the Money Pit on
Oak Island in Nova Scotia, are all given strange credibility by the
authors and researchers, Lionel and Patricia Fanthrope "[sic]".' Malcolm
Edwards notes: `A front page ad is, of course, a Big Thing....' Umberto
Eco offered no comment.
"John Foyster" has learned how to be GoH at Australian cons in
complete safety, by arranging a remote-control presence from Malaysia.
`John delivered his Guest-of-Honour speech from Kuala Lumpur by
telephone, linked to a public address system in the "Contract" convention
hotel in Adelaide: Greg Hills reports that the convention crowd of
thirteen responded to this speech (which credited the previous night's
outbreak of purse-snatching in Kuala Lumpur as a compliment to John's
"Godfather" presence) very favourably....' [YR]
"Gwyneth Jones" won the first James Tiptree Jr Award for sf
exploring/expanding gender thingies, for her "White Queen". This prize
took the form of a chocolate typewriter. [JG]
"Paul Kincaid" is telling everyone how he missed the London Bridge
bomb blast on 28 Feb by a mere ten minutes, being how late his train was:
`I felt I had been spared fortuitously to go home and write a seven-
volume Chinese epic.' [PK]
"Ken Lake" boggled fandom with the announcement that he's selling
all his worldly goods, taking a farewell tour of the world (fannish
accommodation sought) and planning never to return to these blighted
shores. Was it something we said?
"Duncan Lunan" has been enjoying interesting times (`After they put
my solicitor in jail, my life began to straighten out again.'). Having
typed mounds of his stuff into various alien computers, he now discovers
himself with masterpiece after masterpiece on CBM-64 and Mac disks which
his Amstrad PCW can't actually read, and is seeking expert help.... [DL]
"James Randi" sends updates on Uri Geller's lawsuit against him,
with thanks for countless defence-fund donations: `The US judge in the
case has ruled that we may ask Mr Geller to prove his psychic powers
under deposition.'
"Tom Shippey" is said to be editing "The Oxford Book of SF Stories",
offering #500 a story for reprints and claiming a first hardback print
run of around 20,000 copies. I was not invited. Neither was my snarling
informant. [Anon]
"Brian Stableford" reports that his vampire novel "Young Blood" has
not after all been renamed (see "A54") ... thanks to the sarcasm of his
proposed credit to Simon & Schuster's sales folk for warning that the
original title was inadequately `perfervid'. At Picocon, he informed a
rapt audience that "all" sf ought to be sarcastic. `The reader should
never be left feeling comfortable. The hero should never get the girl.'
### CONNASCENCY ###
10 Apr My birthday. CHRIS EVANS signs "Chimeras" at Book Inn,
Charing Cross Rd, 6-8pm, and later falls over in the pub.
17-20 Apr ILLUMINATION, 43rd Eastercon; Norbreck Castle Hotel,
Blackpool. #25 reg. Rooms #28/person/night. GoHs Paul McAuley, Geoff
Ryman, Pam Wells (fan), TAFF winner Jeanne Bowman. Contact 379 Myrtle Rd,
Sheffield, S2 3HQ.
24-26 Apr FREUCON, Eurocon; `Kurhaus' Congress Centre,
Freudenstadt, Germany. GoHs Brunner, Spinrad, Banks, Walther. Too late
to pre-register now: DM65 at the door.
30 Apr - 3 May WARP ONE, 35th UK Trek con, Middleton Tower
Holiday Centre, Morecambe. #30 reg, rooms from #26.70/person/night full
board. To boldly contact 69 Merlin Crescent, Edgware, Middlesex, HA8
6JB....
19-21 Jun PROTOPLASM, Parkers Hotel, somewhere in
Manchester. #16 reg (#18 from 1 May, #20 at door). GoH Bob Shaw. Rooms
from #18.50/person/night. Contact 1 Shoesmith Ct, Merchants Place,
Reading, Berks, RG1 1DT.
25-26 Jul HASTICON, Library, Hastings. GoH David Gemmell. Contact
53b All Saints St, Hastings, TN34 3BN. `I hope to concentrate on "Applied
SF",' quoth George Hay.
6-8 Nov NOVACON 22, Royal Angus Hotel, Birmingham. #18 reg, #20
after Easter. GoH Storm Constantine. Contact 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick,
Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH. PR1 warns that "membership numbers may have
to be limited."
21-23 May 93 CORFLU 10, the US fanzine-fan con, Inn on the Park,
Madison. GoH to be chosen as usual by lot. $35 reg. Splendidly silly
flyer, "Queen of all Dairyland", to hand. C/o SF3, Box 1624, Madison, WI
53701-1624, USA.
28-31 May 93 MEXICON V, "No Fixed Abode". #18 reg. `Written sf'
slant. Contact: 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH.
Now venue-hunting after a traditional nasty from the Cairn Hotel (entire
staff changed; `What's Mexicon? You booked last May? Well, "we've" booked
another event. And our room rates are now #40/night minimum.')
1-4 Apr 94 BID COLLAPSE HORROR! "Nic Farey writes:" `As you
may have surmised, the CONTACT Eastercon bid has folded. I'm sure you can
find funnier reasons to print than the real ones, basically my underlying
ill-health and overlying personal insolvency. These have combined to
shove various "fun" activities aside.... No doubt everyone is feeling
pissed off at me. Ah, well. There's always next time.' [19 Mar] Without
the Isle of Man option (I confess I never fancied it, despite whispers
that it had better facilities) will the Bristol SOU'WESTER be unopposed?
Or could a new bid emerge from Illumination's smoke-filled bar to ensure
that Sou'Wester's `old and devious' committee suffers the full Ordeal By
Very Boring Questions?
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
BSFA AWARDS SHORTLIST. NOVEL: "Raft", Stephen Baxter; "The Architecture
of Desire", Mary Gentle; "Eternal Light", Paul McAuley; "Witches Abroad",
Terry Pratchett; "The Fall of Hyperion", Dan Simmons. SHORT: `Bad
Timing', Molly Brown, "Interzone 54"; `Appropriate Love', Greg Egan,
"IZ50"; `Nothing Special', Colin Greenland, "Temps"; `Crossroads', Paul
McAuley, "IZ46"; `Floating Dogs', Ian McDonald, "New Worlds 1"; `Colour',
Michael Moorcock, "NW1"; `In the Air', Kim Newman/Eugene Byrne, "IZ43".
DRAMATIC: "Edward Scissorhands, Red Dwarf IV, Star Trek -- TNG,
Terminator II". ART: all "Interzone" covers -- Geoff Taylor "IZ45", Mark
Harrison "IZ48", SMS "IZ52", SMS "IZ54". `No Award' is a voting option
in the last two but "not" the first two categories, I didn't quite catch
why. [JG]
EXPUNGED FROM THE HISTORIES: informants note with strange glee that
David Pringle's ten-year retrospective editorial in "Interzone 58" omits
obscure name Colin Greenland from the list of "IZ'"s eight original co-
editors. Also lost to history: Ian Miller (art editor from #4), Lin
Morris (assistant editor from #10), and several of the magazine's former
designers....
R.I.P. US film-maker Jack Arnold died 17 March aged 75. His best-
loved sf movie was "The Incredible Shrinking Man" (1957); others include
"It Came From Outer Space", "Creature from the Black Lagoon", "Revenge
of the Creature" and "Tarantula".
EUROCON AWARDS: selected by a democratic process of telling fans
what to vote for, the British nominations are Geoff Ryman (author), Jim
Burns (artist), "Foundation" (magazine), Gollancz (publisher), the BSFA
(`promoter') and Ian McDonald (new author). Winners announced at Freucon.
[BW]
TAFF. A fourth candidate is now rumoured, being Harry Bond standing
on the `Anything's Better Than Kev McVeigh' platform. My lips remain
sealed about the intervening two. Meanwhile Jeanne Bowman is planning a
collection of rilly triffic instalments from TAFF reports that never
actually got finished -- thus bringing the authors either massive fame
or public humiliation, depending how you look at it.... As for the next
westbound race, Richard Brandt conveys a Hint: `Anyone who's interested
in seeing me visit Britain is welcome to ask me to run again at some
future date.' Nudge, nudge.
R.I.P. Eric Bentcliffe, long-time UK fan editor ("Triode" 1954-1977)
and 1960 TAFF winner, died of cancer late in Feb. [AVC]
ASIMOV FLOGGED! Davis Publications have sold "Isaac Asimov's SF
Magazine", "Analog", "Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine" and "Alfred
Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine" to Bantam/Doubleday/Dell. Supposedly there
will be no editorial changes. "[IM]"
HAZEL'S GOURMET SPOT: THE DURIAN. `As soon as one steps into the
airport at Kuala Lumpur, one's aware not only of the heat but of a
mingled odour: like sizzling hot iron, and like durian (as I've smelt it
through tightly bound layers of thick plastic in Australia). It was not
durian, however -- not even durian season. So we contented ourselves with
durian ice-cream. (Since high-school geography lessons, I've been
fascinated by this paradox of the abominable smell and the swooningly
ravishing taste.) The ice-cream -- which was yellow -- tasted at first
as if it were based on siphonings from an old-fashioned lavatory can: one
wondered how one could possibly be eating it on purpose. But somewhere
there was a change-over point, where one wasn't sure what one was
tasting, but wished one could go on tasting it forever. John, however,
says the ice-cream is nothing like real durian -- which Janeen Webb, on
the other hand, says is like eating raspberry ice-cream in an uncleaned
public lavatory, and not worth it.' [YR again]
US NEOFAN. Linda Gerstein and Eli Cohen have, as they say in Court
Circulars, sprogged: Peter Lawrence Cohen, "b".18 Feb.
TEN YEARS AGO. Brian Aldiss, fresh from an appearance in Pseud's
Corner, was preparing for "Desert Island Discs": `the Seal of
Respectability which will alienate all self-respecting fans. Beethoven's
Ninth or I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate? It is a problem.'
Lisa Tuttle tried without success to refuse a Nebula award. Ian Watson
savaged Colin Greenland on the front page of "Ansible", whose editor was
subsequently ticked off by Malcolm Edwards.... ("Ansible 25", Apr 82)
### `UNPRAISED, UNREWARDED MILLIONS' ###
`I presume you too have heard from David Pringle,' writes Andy Sawyer,
`with the news that "Million" is to be retitled "Couple of Dozen" and
from now on contributors will be invited to send large cheques along with
their explorations of the murkier areas of bestsellerdom....'
Yes, alas, the Pringle bombshell is that the fabled "Million: The
Magazine of Popular Fiction" can no longer afford to pay its writers ...
except with skiploads of free copies. In a circular letter following
"Million 8", the hero editor explains:
`I've been putting off the evil day when I had to decide this, but,
facing as I do an as-yet unpaid print bill for issue 7 (never mind issue
8), the time has come to admit that "Million" must cut its cloth to fit
its real status as a "little magazine" rather than as a would-be mass-
market publication.
`... The magazine has not been doing as well as it should do,
although the subscription list continues to rise (slowly). We received
no income at all from newstrade sales of issue 6 -- the money from the
few copies which were sold was wiped out by late returns from earlier
issues; and I doubt we shall get much, if anything, from issues 7 and 8.
Bookshop sales (Murder One apart) are tiny and decreasing. I have
invested about #12,000 of my own money in "Million", and, having lost my
salaried job "[editing `GW Books' for Games Workshop]" a few months ago,
I cannot afford to put in another penny. I'm still very hopeful that the
magazine will survive (mainly on individual and library subscriptions,
not newstrade or bookshop sales).
`... So, with deep regrets, I now have no choice but to introduce
a policy of non-payment for articles and reviews published. In this
respect, "Million" will resemble countless academic and small-press
journals ("Foundation" is one example familiar to us both).
`P.S. None of the above applies in any way to "Interzone", which is
doing rather better than "Million" (though not wonderfully, thanks to the
present recession).' [DP, 13 Mar]
Ill winds: my mother has been struggling to buy "Million" for about
a year (`No such magazine, love,' say local newsagents in their cheeky
South Welsh way), and little knows that she's about to receive an immense
bounty of copies as payment-in-kind for my own scheduled or recently
published bits....
Ansible 57 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to: Vince Clarke, Malcolm
Edwards, Jenny Glover (especially), Judith Hanna, INSTANT MESSAGE, Roz
Kaveney, Paul Kincaid, Duncan Lunan, Joseph Nicholas, David Pringle,
Yvonne Rousseau, Maureen Speller, Bridget Wilkinson, Martin Morse Wooster
and Ping Pong HQ.
1/4/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 57 1/2
EASTER 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
STOP PRESS: There is "no" page two. This is a special `lite' edition
produced for paper-plane fandom at Illumination. OK?
### FOUR HUNDRED BILLION FANS ###
"Isaac Asimov's" death on 6 Apr, aged 72, apparently came as no surprise
to those in the know. Personally I had no idea. The sad event received
the wide media coverage Asimov deserved, with John Clute being tactful
on the radio (parrying queries about the scientific impact of the Laws
of Robotics with a remark that they'd had more "literary" influence;
unobtrusively praising IA's science writing rather than his fiction since
1970 or so) and Brian Aldiss's lively "Guardian" obituary summing him up
as `a most admirable monster' of prolificity -- this followed by warm
letters from Arthur C.Clarke and Harry Harrison. Somehow I never met
Asimov. Now I wish I had.
"Vince Clarke" looks backward: `A biography of Frank Edward Arnold
by '70s British fan Dave Rowe is due in a forthcoming "Outworlds" from
Bill Bowers; '60s fan/author Mary Long has been divorced in the US and
is returning to Britain; and if anyone knows of old-time artist Bob
Clothier's address, there's someone wanting reprint permission for an
illo that appeared in a '51 "New Worlds". All old-fashioned, see?'
"David Gerrold", erstwhile skiffy author, has been devoting his time
to a vastly oversized and naff IBM program called Prism that "changes
screen colours," gosh wow! `You can end up with 16 shades of green if you
like,' enthuses Terry Pratchett. `Great for those blocked moments -- you
can always go in and tinker with the colour scheme and still think you're
working.'
"Steve Green" was first with the bankruptcy news: `Pegasus went into
receivership on Thursday. No great surprise to anyone who ever dealt with
them or (more rarely) managed to track down a copy of a Pegasus magazine
on the news-stands. All three titles, "Academy, Siren" and "Gamesman",
had crap distribution, astoundingly amateur subbing/layout, and (in the
genre titles at least) a complete lack of direction. Turning a fairly
successful title like "Fantazia" into a nondescript "Empire" rip-off
"[i.e. Academy]" takes a special kind of stupidity. Doubt that many will
be wearing black armbands at Eastercon, aside from the numerous
creditors. I hear the original printer is owed the thick end of
#100,000.' [9 Apr]
"Dave Langford" still seeks a Worthy Fan Cause which will sell
subscriptions, print and mail out "Ansible", and pocket the vast profits.
His irrational dread of mailing lists continues.
"David Pringle" muses on his "Million: The Magazine Of No More
Contributors' Payments." `Oddly enough, the two or three other
contributors who have asked for gift subs in lieu have also nominated
their mothers. Our printer's mother reads it; my mother reads it; it's
definitely a Mum's Magazine. Whenever I receive a phone call from a
middle-aged or elderly woman I automatically assume it's going to be
about "Million" -- and I'm always right. We have a few Old Boys too.'
### THE ALMOST FACTUAL FAN ###
... is the title of "Jeanne Bowman's" TransAtlantic Fan Fund report-in-
progress. I think she might be aiming at the drabble market. `Edit it
down,' she cried, but I don't see how:
"Wednesday." Heathrow. Judith Hanna greets at tube -- move into
Frinton Road -- Joseph Nicholas is Attila the Tidy. Dinner: ABIGAIL
FROST, Woman of Presence. Labour victory certain. Linda Krawecke's
gumbo: yum. "Thursday." Walked. Trafalgar Square, Kew Gardens,
rhododendrons not as good as home. Judith's home-cooked feast, then
election. Fuck the Tories. "Friday." Slept in. British Natural History
Museum. Dinner: Anne Hamill, Jimmy Robertson. Jimmy at 9:20: `That's a
bomb.' (It was.) Ethnic food intro: Irn Bru. "Saturday." Shopping with
Pam Wells. Wore shoes. "Sunday." Judith escorts to Reading. Martin
Hoare's Birthday Party. He is late for it (pub). Ethnic drinking.
"Monday." Hazel Langford lured into our "[i.e. Jeanne's and Don
Herron's]" first literary pilgrimage and hometown tour: Amersham & Arthur
Machen. Lunch in AM's local, The King's Arms. Describe Dave L. as exotic.
Walk Oxford. Learn of Dave `PV=nRT' Langford's explosive student days.
Ethnic Turkish food. "Tuesday." On to investigate henges, `Hills of
Dreams' and Welsh slag heaps.... [14 Apr, 11:15-11:30am]
### CONDYLOMA: UPDATES ###
18 Apr MARTIN HOARE is 40, ho ho. Please rush me other appalling
sf anniversaries in the period 8-12 Apr 93, for the Helicon newsletter.
[] After the collapse of the CONTACT bid for Eastercon '94, rumourmongers
are now hinting at hideous, unspecified problems with the SOU'WESTER
bid's Bristol hotel.
30 Apr - 3 May WARP ONE, 35th UK Trek con, Middleton Tower
Holiday Centre, Morecambe. #30 reg, rooms from #26.70/person/night full
board. To boldly contact 69 Merlin Crescent, Edgware, Middlesex, HA8
6JB....
18-26 Jul MINEHEAD SPACE AGE FESTIVAL, Exhibition Centre, Market
House Lane, Minehead. #1/day. Expected: Arthur C.Clarke (a Minehead lad),
Patrick Moore, J.Brunner, T.Pratchett, etc. Contact Town Clerk, Town
Hall, The Parade, Minehead, TA24 5NB. [D.Redd] Clashes interestingly
with:
25-26 Jul HASTICON, Library, Hastings. GoH David Gemmell.
#2.50/day to Hastings Arts. Contact 53b All Saints St, Hastings, TN34
3BN. B&B list available. "Membership limit 60." A `decoding' of "Little,
Big" `by the architect who designed the Glasgow Exhibition' is promised.
Bar: in nearby pub.
30 Oct-1 Nov WHO'S 7, "Dr Blake" con; Moat House Hotel, Telford.
Contact 137 High St, Plaistow Broadway, E13 9HH.
1-3 Oct 93 VOCON, Hitcher con; Tollgate Hotel, Grave send. #15
reg. Contact 17 Guildford St, Brighton, BN1 3LS.
### FOUND ON A COMPUTER NET ###
Ever notice that the second or third time you read a book, you discover
all sorts of typos and misprints? The more often you read a book, the
more typos you will find.
These typos are read-errors: mistakes introduced by reading the
text. To preserve accuracy, you should purchase a new edition each time
you wish to read a book. Most of all, avoid used books, pirated editions
and books from unknown sources.
Public libraries are especially dangerous! Library books are read
many times, introducing uncounted read-errors. Worse, borrowers (and some
unscrupulous authors) can infect books with literary viruses (analogous
to computer viruses) which can be transmitted to other readers. You can
avoid these problems by reading only new books, and purchasing fresk
shrinkwrapped volumes at your local bookstore. Hardback editions are most
resistant to typos and literary viruses; get these whenever possible.
A public service message brought to you by a disinterested party --
"Clifford Stoll". [via Instant Message #509]
Ansible 57 1/2 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to: Abigail Frost, Judith
Hanna, INSTANT MESSAGE, Chris Priest, David Pringle, David Redd.
15/4/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 58
MAY 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
### A PROCESSION OF THE DAMNED ###
"Nick Austin" is now the all-potent paperback supremo at Orion.
"John Brosnan", having written at length about (alleged) amazing and
legally interesting resemblances between his novel "Carnosaur" and
Michael Crichton's later "Jurassic Park", subsequently begged me not to
quote him (supposedly for fear of mucking up a deal whereby Roger Corman
was to film "Carnosaur" on a budget of #2.37 before Spielberg could
finish filming "JP"), and "then" broke the story in a letter to a mere
Sunday newspaper. Poot. Upbraided in the Illumination bar, Mr Brosnan
explained unrepentantly: `I changed my mind.'
"Martin Hoare" sent his traditional mini-report from Freucon in
Germany: `A great Eurocon -- 17 nations represented so far, including
China. Just heard Malcolm Edwards "still" owes Confiction f1100 [Dutch],
and Charlie Brown owes f400!' [25 Apr]
"Joseph Nicholas" has been trapped by raging floods up in desolate
Harlech! `I only tried to turn on the water in your bloody flat,
Langford,' he said in an exclusive postcard.
"Mike Rohan" fears he's developed a fatal telepathic link with Tim
Powers: they keep writing books on similar themes, with the Powers
usually appearing about a week sooner.... [HM]
"D.West" reports: `Bradford 50s fan Tom White (co-editor of "BEM"
with M.Ashworth) died recently. Leeds group meetings have been
intermittent.... Jan Orys is minding the baby. Linda Strickler keeps
falling over and breaking legs. Dave Mooring and Sarah Dibb are moving
to the historic former abode of Dave Pringle and Simon Ounsley, site of
many a wicked elitist World Domination plot. Nigel Richardson appears on
the nights everyone else has stayed home, being too devoted to the
principle of spontaneous non-organized fandom ever to lower himself to
phone and check. Charles Stross, of course, is now too distant and hugely
famous ever to favour us with his words of wisdom again. The new Isaac
Astral. Win some, lose some.'
### THE ILLUMINOIDS ###
"Illumination, Blackpool, Easter '92:" the Norbreck Castle Hotel promoted
fannish health with facilities spread over miles of bracing corridors,
and a rigorous breakfast curfew to discourage cholesterol intake. (`The
breakfasts are actually very good,' said one wide-eyed committee member,
`especially the mushrooms.' Those not at the secret upstairs committee
breakfasts got no mushrooms, and riot was narrowly averted.) So-so hotel
food apart, it seemed a pretty good venue, as vast sprawling castellated
places three miles from city centres go.
`I was booked into the same room as Geoff Ryman,' said ashen-faced
GoH Paul McAuley. `I had to explain the guest relationship isn't "quite"
that close.' PM also reeled in horror at being tagged as a reincarnation
of "[ideologically suspect author omitted]" in the deeply naff opening-
ceremony script, and hastily substituted Philip K.Dick. Each
registration pack came with a free fortune cookie containing a plug for
Chung Kuo -- the epic. A large box of spares was later hurled into
a party, and vicious cookie-fights ensued: I looked in vain for certain
reviewers muttering, `As I thought, this sick and obscene work inevitably
engenders violence.' Who could possibly speak authoritatively for an
hour-long Isaac Asimov retrospective, organized at the last possible
minute? The usual suspects made themselves scarce and three pundits who
shall be nameless were forcibly conscripted. Con chair Rhodri James
remarked, with measured care, `It was "interesting" ... people thought
you must have been retrospecting in the bar for a long while beforehand.
' Chris `Someone bit me last night but I don't know who' Bell deplored
the folding of the CONTACT Eastercon bid: `We were planning to stand up
at the bidding session and say, "Actually, Sou'Wester is a spoof bid,"
and watch Nic Farey's face.' Dave Ellis could not be stopped from
describing his hotel room, whose fitted carpet gave way to an expanse of
concrete adorned by a bin to catch drips from the ceiling leak.... Roz
Kaveney: `What about the "Villains" signing?' Dick Jude, Forbidden
Planetoid: `Oh, Penguin didn't send the books.' RK: `"WHAT?" I've been
here two days and you didn't tell me?' DJ: `Oh, I didn't think to.' RK,
in bar: `"How much" does that man get "paid" to run a bookshop and sell
books? So I went to ask if the package had arrived early and been put in
a hotel storeroom, and came back with the books, "fully determined" to
deliver them to Dick Jude rectally -- ' `Everything is wonderful,'
said Kev McVeigh to the massed ranks of the BSFA. `Er, our only qualified
accountant has resigned, and so have numerous editors, and we'll probably
have to merge some of the magazines, and put the subscription up, but
"overall"....' I had to be elsewhere and missed the rest of this
Panglossian enthusiasm. Steve Lawson said of his wife, `Will you do
it to Alice?' -- sadly just a "Villains" autograph request. More awkward
was Jim Burns's demand that, besides an inscription, authors add some
`personal stain'. Publishing parties involved secretive cash floats
at the Dealers' Room bar; by the time of Gollancz's, fans had caught on
and the queue was parsecs long when, quite soon, the money ran out. []
`Programme streams named Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail are bad enough,'
I puked gently, `but do I really have to talk in a room called Peter
Fan?' `Shut up,' explained Anne Page. David Bell reeled back from a
bar trivia game, quavering: `This machine has just asked me which
religion L.Ron Hubbard founded.' Ever-political Abigail Frost did the
con newsletter a story on the Revolutionary Communist Party's weird
mystery-tour convention that same weekend: editor Chris O'Shea altered
the name (`Revolving Communal Party') as he `thought there was a "real"
organization called that.' AJF: `THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT!' CO'S: `Well,
I had to make it funny or it wouldn't mean anything to fandom.' David
Pringle presided over an "Interzone" ten-year retrospective, surrounded
by less successful small-press publishers. `Now I'll ask Chris Reed of
"BBR" to tell us how he tried for national distribution like mine but
failed miserably,' he said, or words to that effect, and presently
expounded on his new flyer campaign: `We've printed 120,000 of these and
they'll be going out with "Granta, Literary Review, London Review of
Books, New Scientist" [see 9 May issue], "New Statesman", the "TLS" ...
The "LRB" editor says to expect 0.4% response, that's 480 subscriptions,
taking us up to around 2,500 ... and it's all jam because the Arts
Council incentive grant is paying for the flyers!' Gnashing teeth
resounded on every side. Chris Evans kept wincing as penniless friends
and Rog Peyton queued to say, `Your new book "Chimeras" is no doubt triff
but Grafton must be insane -- "I'm" not paying #5.99 for a slim 173pp
paperback.' Late at night Gamma confided loudly, `I'm going to sit at
that table with the woman with the breasts, and give her my Aleister
Crowley look.' Fireworks: huge concussions setting off car-alarms all
over the hotel car park, terrified policemen dodging showers of hot
embers, fire engines hurtling coincidentally past, general oohs and ahhs,
and behind me the small, sad voice of James White saying (after one
particularly fearful detonation), `They're trying to make me feel at
home.' A 5" piece of ordnance was found left over and MUFF, the Mortar
Under a Fan Fund, was instantly mooted. `"Why,"' asked Abigail in
habitual alarm, `did Dermot Dobson just put his arm around me and say
"Hello, my little nest of vipers"?' Gazing from the safe side of the
hotel's glass-walled `Health & Fitness Club' at the quivering forms
within, fans clutching pints of beer were reminded of the bit in St.
Augustine or somewhere about heaven's joys being enhanced by looking over
the edge at the torments of the damned. `Favourite overheard line:
"Anxious fan" -- "I told Ramsey Campbell I had this great story idea for
him, and he "did" say he'd be in this bar around now...."' [PB] One
nearby Italian restaurant offered "Pate"" Tricolore alla `Don"" Antonio'
-- A fan of three"" pates." Who was this fan? Did we know him? After
cracking some mild jokes about Storm Constantine in my own talk I was
accosted by her supporters' club, Vikki Lee France, who said rather
sharply: `You obviously know nothing about sex and have never experienced
an orgasm.' Oh. At the end-of-con grump session Mike Molloy started
to explain how no one needed these uppity `tech' people, at which point
his mike mysteriously went dead. (`We took him at his word' -- Pat
Silver.) Mild-mannered Andrew Stephenson was overheard saying,
`Whitley Strieber is completely batty. He writes crap. He's always
written crap. All his books are crap. He's never "going" to write
anything but crap....' At Geoff Ryman's party, aspiring capitalist Rog
Peyton did a triumphalist rant about the Tory election victory: `And when
they finally destroy the National Health Service forever, I'll be "really
happy!"' `I can't listen to this,' gasped Mike Ford, backing away as
though from Chernobyl. `It's too awful....' Erstwhile spaceman Gerry
Webb waxed maudlin about recessions, debts and his toddler son's
appalling prospects in a country dominated by, well, Rog Peyton. []
J.Nicholas's strangely clinging leggings attracted comment; tight-lipped
Judith Hanna said, `I don't censor Joseph's "clothes".' Luring its
audience with free T-shirts, David Wingrove's Chung Kuo revivalist
meeting won the respect of "CK"-hating David V.Barrett but not of John
Richards: `"We writers are the heirs of Ariadne," he said, "following the
thread through the labyrinth with our torches held high and the wide-eyed
readers following behind...." It was the most pretentious gibberish I've
ever heard.' One has heard worse, mate.
Of course there were awards. For my sins I had to present the
BSFA's, with the added fun of trying to reconstruct their mislaid
nominations list "even as" Ramsey Campbell was introducing me. NOVEL "The
Fall of Hyperion"/Dan Simmons, SHORT `Bad Timing'/Molly Brown, ART "IZ48"
cover/Mark Harrison, DRAMATIC "Terminator 2". Eastercon `fun' awards:
LONG TEXT "Take Back Plenty"/Colin Greenland, SHORT `Quantum Choco-
Dynamics'/Sean Ellis "et al", GRAPHIC `Milton Keynes' T-shirt/Smitty,
DRAMATIC "Red Dwarf V". Colin Greenland writes thanking `the dozens and
dozens of people who sent that beautiful Get Well card ... also for
voting me an Eastercon Award. Nevertheless, I do feel I ought to point
out that "Take Back Plenty" now has three awards (the worthy one, the
official one, and now one just for fun) ... there are plenty of other
books out there, some of which haven't got "any awards at all" -- so I
think you ought to start voting for some of them now. In case you're
wondering, I've got M.E. (or post-viral fatigue syndrome, for short),
which is absolutely bloody exhausting -- I am getting better slowly....'
Avowedly silly awards were also presented, to much acclaim: "Most
promising newcomer" D.West, "Most active fan" Bernie Evans, "Most
inactive "Brian Davis, "Most fanciable "Teddy, "Most talented "Dave
Mooring, "Most untalented "Steve Green (`Wait for the "Critical Wave"
headline, `"Wave" Editor Wins Major Award' [AJF]), "Most boring "Nigel
E.Richardson, "Most exciting "David Lally, "Most excitable" Pam Wells,
"Most likely to succeed" Bernie Evans, "Most likely to fail" Tony Berry,
"Most chauvinistic" Nic Farey (invariably seen introducing himself to
some lady so, er, thrustingly that within 30 secs she would be pointedly
mentioning a large husband or boyfriend), "Best bum in fandom" Dave
Mooring. Let us not discuss all the obvious fixes.... Oh, and Roger
Robinson got the Doc Weir `good guy' award.
The '94 bidding session, rumour forewarned us, was to be an ordeal
by fire for the `unopposed' Sou'Wester committee. After an invisible
slide-show in the not very darkened hall, they did indeed cringe a bit
at savage questions like `Have you got a hotel contract?' (no, just a
letter of agreement) and `Is it true that what you're paying for function
space is such as to stupefy the imagination?' (yes, apparently). MC John
Richards had half-expected a `Hold Over Decision' vote, later observing
that `Ian Sorensen woffled interminably from the floor and lost "Hold
Over" an awful lot of votes by arguing for it.' A first show of hands was
decisive: Bristol it is. In theory.... Terry Pratchett was on the far
side of the world for Easter, but has since remarked: `I know something
about Bristol's hotels and for the life of me I can't imagine a con in
any of them.'
By Monday I felt old and tired and pathetically grateful for a lift
home. Not as old and tired as senescent Martin `Oh God I'm "40" this
weekend' Hoare ... but my turn comes "next" Easter.
### CONSTUPRATION: YET MORE UPDATES ###
22-25 May INCONSEQUENTIAL, Aston Court Hotel, Derby. GoH Robert
Rankin. #21 reg; rooms #30/single, #52/double. Contact 12 Crich Avenue,
Littleover, Derby, DE3 6ES.
8-9 Aug FAB 1, Thunderbirds con, Wolverhampton Civic Hall.
Contact 15 Fullers Ct, Exeter, Devon, EX2 4DZ.
17-24 Aug MYTHCON XXIII, Tolkien centenary special, presumably
in Oxford. #25 reg. Contact 16 Gibsons Green, Heelands, Milton Keynes,
MK13 7NH.
28 Aug - 1 Sep REC-CON, thirtysomethingth UK "Star Trek" con,
Piccadilly Hotel, Manchester. #25 reg. Contact 65 Park Rd, Dartford,
Kent, DA1 1ST.
27-29 Nov HILLCON III, Beneluxcon, Atlanta Hotel, Rotterdam. f40
reg (f52.50 from 1 Jun). Contact Ruud van de Kruisweg, Bijltjespad 52,
1018 KH Amsterdam, Netherlands.
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER, 45th Eastercon, Bristol. GoHs Diane Duane,
Neil Gaiman, Barbara Hambly, Peter Morwood. #20 reg -- #18 to paid-up
presupporters. Contact 3 West Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ.
"Rumblings" BACON is a 1994 Unicon bid being assembled by Helen
Steele in the sinister fastnesses of Cambridge. [GR]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
`SHOCK HORROR ASHLEY TAFF CANDIDATE. No kidding -- H.Ashworth having
declined nomination ("I am not worthy. Besides, I can't be bothered."),
eminent Nova-winning M.Ashley has expressed interest, assuming he can
find out where this place is that he's supposed to go. Opinion polls
report K.McVeigh and H.Bond 96 points clear, so it should be a walkover.
Tell Abi to stand and save them all from themselves.' [DW] Ace US TAFF
delegate Jeanne Bowman refused to refuse to comment.
LITTLE, BROWN (who plan to replace MacDonald's Sphere and Futura
imprints with `Warner' as in the USA, and to cut back from 20 to 12
titles/month [SFC]) now seem keen on an "Encyclopaedia of Fantasy" to
follow the second "SF Encyclopaedia".
COA. "Mary Long" "`(but not Sam)'", Box 17143, Rochester, NY 14617,
USA; "Lilian Edwards/Tommy McClellan", 39 (1F2) Viewforth, Bruntsfield,
Edinburgh, EH10 4JE; "Sarah Dibb/Dave Mooring", 21 The Village St, Leeds,
LS4 2PR; "Simon Ounsley", 28 Beckwith Cres, Harrogate, HG2 0BQ; "Taral",
245 Dunn Ave, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M6K 1S6. []
Ansible 58 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to: Paul Barnett, D.Cotterill
(lift), Abigail Frost, Hugh Mascetti, Gareth Rees, SF CHRONICLE, D.West.
7/5/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 59
JUNE 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
ANTI-PUBLISHING: Forget the traditional sf pastimes of fix-ups,
sharecropping and remaindering. Literary agents now report that British
sf publishing is taking the next logical step after non-books --
"negative" books. Macho editors boast not of buying but of cancelling
titles. In this era of backoff-list publishing some familiar sf names are
prominent. John Jarrold, new man at Legend, has been hastily returning
numerous works bought by his predecessor Deborah Beale. `Commissioning
editor?' he did not say to our reporter: `More like decommissioning, har
har.' Meanwhile Malcolm Edwards is pruning the Grafton list of
`unviables' bought by "his" over-optimistic predecessors Nick Austin and
Malcolm Edwards, and by the end of 1992 hopes to be riding out the
recession from a strong nil-book, no-authors position. Some writers
thought themselves protected by contracts that bind their publishers to
produce the book unless prevented by actual social collapse or nuclear
holocaust ... but publishers have started invoking that obscure and
rarely used contract clause which goes, `So sue us.'
### THE LUNATICS OF TERRA ###
"Iain Banks" and Anne Blackburn were married on 20 March at that trad
Scots venue the County Court in Honolulu. [BGN]"
John Brunner" is having trouble `thanks to virtually total cessation
of support from my US publishers. During the whole of 1992 Del Rey, with
17 of my books, sent me less than $300 in royalties, having contrived to
avoid getting my last novel noticed even by "Publishers' Weekly" and
"Kirkus Service". Now DAW has served notice that all the dozen or so
books of mine that were on their list have been withdrawn from sale. What
I receive from Europe including the UK is and always has been negligible.
I face, in short, the prospect of "effectively no royalties" for the
indefinite future.
`I have a novel nearly finished, but the editor may insist on
changes, so I must expect a long wait for the on-delivery advance. I have
another in mind, that I believe will do well, but it will take months to
secure a contract. If you know of anyone who's letting commissions that
might keep the wolf from the door -- no matter what, fiction or non-
fiction (I'd welcome a chance to write some non-fiction for a change) --
I'd be enormously obliged to hear about it.' [25 May]
"Bruce Gillespie" reports: `Terry Pratchett was out here recently.
It was the last day of his current trip to New Zealand and Australia, and
he was speaking to the Melbourne Sf Club. [He] insisted on going off
microphone, then talking in a strange way down at his feet or up at the
ceiling, or anywhere else that could not reach the audience. The jokes
I heard were very good. I had the satisfaction of asking a question that
he had never been asked before, i.e. "How did you get involved in British
fandom?" Turns out that he's been around the fringes for a very long time
before becoming famous. [...] Although she could not attend (living 500
miles away in Adelaide), Yvonne Rousseau consented to write a report on
the Gillespie-Cochrane Garden Party of 3 May. Using nothing but a
telephone, she managed to reconstruct the entire event more or less as
it happened. Brilliant stuff. There was only one Scandalous Incident,
which Yvonne relates with some glee and absolute accuracy. The Villain
of the Incident, needless to say, is Peter Nicholls.' [20 May] Very
tantalizing....
"Colin Murray" is reportedly taking over at Orbit, but in accordance
with publishers' universal need to save money will continue to live in
far-off Scotland. And commute by air.
"Frederik Pohl" still deplores the official acceptance of backward-
looking fantasy writers into SFWA, now SFFWA: `Sf is the very literature
of change. In fact, it's the only such literature we have; and as such
it really deserves to have its own, unshared institutions. Pity it
doesn't.' [SFC May]
"Brian Stableford" had a nasty moment: `Took Leo to the "Meet Robert
Jordan" event at Forbidden Planet; so he would know who RJ was I gave him
my review copy of "The Eye of the World", which he dutifully began to
read on the train. The event was dramatically unattended (the only
superstar present apart from RJ was Charles Stross) though not unpleasant
-- RJ is an amiable and likeable person -- but as we left the FP security
guard refused to believe that Leo's copy of "TEOTW" was not ripped off
from FP's stock and, after some discussion, insisted on confiscating it.
This means that Leo will never find out what happens in the 800 pages he
didn't manage to read and that FP will make three times their normal
profit when they sell that copy (unlike Orbit and RJ, who will make
nothing). One can't blame the guard -- after all, sf writers are
professional liars, so how can you take their word for anything? -- but
when I recall that it has been my habit for two years to drop in to FP
every Friday (Sept-March) before teaching my City Lit evening class,
always carrying a briefcase bulging with sf books, I shudder at the
thought that the whole lot might have been confiscated at any time. I
shall be far more circumspect in future; profound embarrassment will
prevent me from ever stepping into the shop again.' [28 May]
"Alex Stewart" has been wearing a vast grin since talking with
Penguin: `"Temps" sold out, 15,000 copies, and they're "actually
reprinting" it to sell with book 2 in the autumn, and "Villains" has
cleared 5,000 already! I'm totally amaz -- er, I mean, this is very much
according to Midnight Rose expectations....'
"D.West" boasts that besides the dole, his 1992 income consists of
`the #4 our wonderful Policemen gave me for appearing in an identity
parade. (No, I didn't get picked out. Didn't do the burglary, either.)'
[19 May] A Leeds Group well-wisher adds: `With the summer timetable, the
last train for Keighley doesn't leave Leeds until 23:14. Leeds Groupers
depart the Adelphi bar around 10:30, meaning that D. has to spend that
time alone, "buying his own beer". Time for an ANSIBLE ASTRAL APPEAL:
find this man a new drinking buddy to share those lonesome minutes. Star
Trek fans, budding novelists and gun-owners all considered. 50p to the
usual address.' [NER]
"Gahan Wilson" is to be amazed, or not, at receiving a Horror
Writers of America award for `Life Achievement' at the HWA's Bram Stoker
Awards presentation on 21 June. [SFC May]
"Jane Yolen" bewails lack of time for cons and trips south while in
the UK, adding: `Scotland, while good for my soul, is not good for my
writing. It seems to have slowed me down.' Yes, in nearly 3 months here
she's done only 3 essays, 2 short stories, 2 picture books, 5 poems and
2 YA novel chapters. `Not anywhere near up to my usual standard.' [27
May]
### CONSOPITION ###
17 Jun BSFA -- the monthly meeting rises from its grave. 3rd "Wed",
Victoria and Albert pub, Marylebone BR station concourse, 6:30pm on.
(Speaker/event planned for 7:30.)
19-21 Jun PROTOPLASM, Parkers Hotel, Manchester city centre. #14
reg. GoH Bob Shaw. #18 reg, #20 at door. Rooms from #18.50/person/night.
Contact 1 Shoesmith Ct, Merchants Place, Reading, Berks, RG1 1DT. Amoebae
get in free.
21 Jun LANGFORD WEDDING -- my more famous brother Jon and Helen
Tsatsos are getting married in Chicago and, alas, I can't make it.
Passing fans please hurl confetti for me.
4 Jul ARMAGEDDON FIREWORKS, Hardwick House, Whitchurch on Thames
(near Pangbourne). 8pm, detonations 10-10:30 onward. #3.50. Beer tent.
Contact 0734 588570. [MAH]
18-20 Jul CONTAGION, Central Hotel, Glasgow. Trek con. #30 reg.
Contact PO Box 867, Rutherglen, Glasgow, G73 4HR.
18-26 Jul MINEHEAD SPACE AGE FESTIVAL, Town Hall, The Parade,
Minehead. Arthur C.Clarke, Patrick Moore and John Brunner (18th only)
plus cast of thousands, down to the soul-chilling `An Evening of
Entertainment by Minehead Dramatic Society on a Space Theme' (clashing
with Terry Pratchett's talk on the 25th, poor sods). Contact 0643 707213.
[DR]
25-26 Jul HASTICON, Library, Claremont, Hastings. GoH David
Gemmell (also me and allegedly Colin Greenland -- who writes, `I'm not
bad at all, really, as long as I don't expect too much of myself and
don't attempt to go anywhere.'). #2.50/day (10am-6pm) to Hastings Arts,
53b All Saints St, Hastings, TN34 3BN, or contact 0424 420634. Limited
numbers.
1 Aug CLWYDCON, `SF poetry theme', Celyn Horticultural Coll.,
Northop, Clwyd. #6 reg, #13.50/room. Contact Rose Cottage, 3 Tram Lane,
Buckley, CH7 3JB. 0244 543820.
7-9 Aug SCONE (Unicon 13), Clyde Halls, Glasgow. #12 reg. GoHs
Iain Banks, Anne Page. Contact Glasgow U Union, 32 University Ave,
Glasgow, G12 8LX. `Games in sf' theme. "Positively The Last Appearance
Of Ken Lake" (he says).
3-7 Sep MAGICON, 50th Worldcon, Orlando, Florida. $110 reg to 15
July (more at door). Contact PO Box 621992, Orlando, FL 32862, USA.
Featuring `The Walt Willis Enchanted Miniature Golf Course'. By
coincidence the new UK human-rights campaign Death Watch, which urges
tourist boycotting of US states with the death penalty, has taken as its
first slogan: `Don't visit Florida -- the Sunshine State that kills.'
28-31 May 93 MEXICON V is `converging with 95% certainty' on a
north-of-England hotel and has confirmed the very wonderful Pat Cadigan
as a guest. #18 reg. Contact: 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley,
W.Midlands, B66 4SH.
"Rumblings" London's Cafe Munchen is closed for refurbishment
June/July, disrupting countless launches and signings (e.g. "New Worlds
2", out 23 July: `Possibly the greatest anthology ever edited,' says
David Garnett. Spies hint that `Warwick Colvin Jr', author of "NW2"'s
`hard-science serial', might also write under a name not unadjacent to
Michael Moorcock).
### OH NO, NOT AGAIN ... ###
The time has come to list awards. Well may you shudder.
NEBULAS. NOVEL Michael Swanwick, "Stations of the Tide". NOVELLA
Nancy Kress, `Beggars in Spain'. NOVELETTE Mike Conner, `Guide Dog'.
SHORT Alan Brennert, `Ma Qui'.
PHILIP K.DICK AWARD: Ian McDonald, "King of Morning, Queen of Day"
(best original paperback of 1991).
HUGO NOMINATIONS. NOVEL Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar"; Emma Bull,
"Bone Dance"; Orson Scott Card, "Xenocide" (winner, Langford Award for
Best "Deus Ex Machina"); Anne McCaffrey, "All the Weyrs of Pern"; Michael
Swanwick, "Stations of the Tide"; Joan D.Vinge, "The Summer Queen".
NOVELLA Nancy Kress, `And Wild For To Hold' and `Beggars in Spain';
Kristine Kathryn Rusch, `The Gallery of His Dreams'; Michael Swanwick,
`Griffin's Egg'; Connie Willis, `Jack'. NOVELETTE Isaac Asimov, `Gold';
Pat Cadigan, `Dispatches from the Revolution'; Ted Chiang, `Understand';
Howard Waldrop, `Fin de Cycle'; Connie Willis, `Miracle'. SHORT Terry
Bisson, `Press Ann'; John Kessel, `Buffalo', Geoffrey A.Landis, `A Walk
in the Sun'; Mike Resnick, `One Perfect Morning, With Jackals' and
`Winter Solstice'; Martha Soukup, `Dog's Life'; Connie Willis, `In the
Late Cretaceous'. NON-FICTION Charles Addams, "The World of C.A.";
Everett Bleiler, "Science Fiction: The Early Years"; Jack L.Chalker &
Mark Owings, "The Science Fantasy Publishers"; Jeanne Gomoll et al, "The
Bakery Men Don't See Cookbook"; Stephen Jones (ed), "Clive Barker's
Shadows in Eden". ARTWORK Thomas Canty, cover, "White Mists of Power";
Bob Eggleton, c. "Lunar Descent" and "IASFM/Stations of the Tide"; Don
Maitz, c. "Heavy Time"; Michael Whelan, c. "The Summer Queen". DRAMATIC
"The Addams Family, Beauty and the Beast, The Rocketeer, Star Trek VI,
Terminator 2". EDITOR Ellen Datlow, Gardner Dozois, Edward L.Ferman,
Kristine Kathryn Rusch, Stanley Schmidt. ARTIST Thomas Canty, David
Cherry, Bob Eggleton, Don Maitz, Michael Whelan. SEMIPROZINE
"Interzone, Locus, New York Review of SF, Pulphouse, SF Chronicle".
FANZINE "File 770, Fosfax, Lan's Lantern, Mimosa, Trapdoor". FAN WRITER
Avedon Carol, Mike Glyer, Andrew Hooper, Dave Langford, Evelyn Leeper,
Harry Warner Jr. FAN ARTIST Brad Foster, Diana Harlan Stein, Teddy
Harvia, Peggy Ransom, Stu Shiffman. JOHN W. CAMPBELL AWARD (not a
Hugo) Ted Chiang, Barbara Delaplace, Greer Ilene Gilman, Laura Resnick,
Michelle Sagara.
EUROCON AWARDS. AUTHOR the Strugatskys. PUBLISHER Heyne, Germany.
MAGAZINE "Foundation". YOUNG AUTHOR (BRITISH) Ian McDonald. [FATW] ("Me:"
`Does that "British" mean that "every" country's nominated young author
gets an award?' "Bridget Wilkinson:" `It's still "very meaningful and
important".')
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TEN YEARS AGO. `This is the first time I ever told anyone: I masturbated
to Robert A.Heinlein!' said Maxim Jakubowski in "NME". `Not the least bit
true,' exploded Carl Sagan, angrily clutching certain copies of
"Ansible". And "Playboy"'s June playmate-of-the-month boasted that her
favourite authors were Edgar Rice Burroughs, Marion Zimmer Bradley,
Michael Moorcock, Tolkien and John Norman. ("Ansible 26", June 82).
PEGASUS BUST: the sequel to this publisher's bankruptcy (see "A57.5")
was `the astounding coincidence that the company offices were burgled
within 24 hours of the Receiver stepping in. Curiously, the thieves
removed 4 filing cabinets of confidential paperwork and a couple of
inexpensive PCs, yet ignored the 10 or 12 rather more valuable Apple Macs
scattered around the room. My, "how" puzzling.' [SG]
NEXIALISM. Issue 2 of Paul Brazier's long-awaited sf magazine
"Nexus" has appeared, to sounds of rejoicing; this month PB will announce
deadlines for #3, "The Last Dangerous Nexus". Rush #2.95 to SF Nexus, PO
Box 1123, Brighton, BN1 6EX.
OOPS: a Tor Books press release explains that Gene Wolfe's "Storeys
from the Old Hotel" (1st ed. Kerosina, UK; Tor reissue) did actually er
"tie" with H.Ellison's "Angry Candy" for its vaunted World Fantasy Award,
as was not mentioned in earlier publicity. Wonder who insisted on this
announcement? [28 May]
PROUD & LONELY THING DEPT. `The recent Trading Standards swoop on
"video nasties" sounds less spectacular when you learn most of the
teenage dealers were caught via the horror fanzine "Samhain", through
their own classified ads or when they responded to a fake placed by the
authorities. Meanwhile, Channel 4's screening of the US "Roseanne" has
reached the stage where the younger daughter's introverted and anti-
social behaviour is explained: she's "an sf fan". Hmmm.' [SG]
C.O.A. "Arthur Hlavaty/Bernadette Bosky", 206 Valentine St, Yonkers,
NY 10704, USA. "Jean Owen's Famous Spaniels That Howl Agonizingly At
3am", 45 Tilehurst Rd, Reading, RG1 7TT.
HAZEL'S TRANSLATION LESSONS. `There is an old German proverb: "Every
swine can give a plice of ham", or, speaking Russian, "take from a black
sheer only one flock".' (Arkady & Boris Strugatsky, reported in "Fank:
Special Volgacon Issue.")
Ansible 59 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to: BRUM GROUP NEWS, Fans
Across the World, Steve Green, Martin Hoare (transport), David Redd,
Nigel E.Richardson, SF CHRONICLE, and hero correspondents quoted in the
text.
4/6/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 60
JULY 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax
0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Available at random fan gatherings, by whim
or for stamped addressed envelopes -- sorry, no paid subscriptions.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
### PASSING FOR HUMAN ###
"David V.Barrett" has been showing off the Hebrew edition of his "Digital
Dreams" anthology. `Oy vey,' he attempted to say.
"Edgar Rice Burroughs Inc." is suing "Vogue" magazine for using
`trademark images' without leave, i.e. pictures of `Tarzan' with
underdressed Janes. $1 million damages asked. Costume fans take note:
your torsos and loincloths are not your own. [SFC]
"Storm Constantine" married Mark Hewkin on 1 May (yes, Late News)
and dismayed admirers by wearing white rather than the expected black
leather bridal train, veil, etc. [M]
`"Neil Gaiman" was an extremely agreeable guest at the not-
thoroughly-organized HongCon [Adelaide, June], sallying briskly forth to
retrieve other participants in panels that no one had told them they were
on.... I noted that he made frequent wistful references to the
possibility that missing people might be in the bar: a disadvantage of
Oz cons from the British viewpoint (as forcefully presented by Peter
Nicholls) is that the Victoria in Melbourne is practically the only
convention hotel with proper access to a bar.' [YR]
"Mike Glicksohn" announces his abdication: `I am unofficially
retiring from my quarter-century position as Fandom's Second Best And
Second Most Prolific Letterhack' ... to arrange Susan Manchester's red-
tape-infested move from NY to Toronto in time for their wedding next
July. Gosh, everybody's doing it.
"John Grant" (Paul Barnett) is not a happy man: `Copies came in the
other day of the new LONE WOLF masterwork, "The Birthplace". My beloved
editor at Red Fox had omitted to send me the copy-edited manuscript but,
on being shouted at, promised that I could clear up all the illiteracies
at proof stage, which I did. In particular I corrected the copy-editor's
consistent fucking up of the subjunctive: "as if he were" had been
loathsomely changed to "as if he was" throughout. [...] Imagine the
delight when I discovered that all these changes had been ignored.' "I
am reminded of the Very Senior Editor who flattened Teresa Nielsen Hayden
with the dictum: `Teresa, the subjunctive NO LONGER EXISTS IN THE
AMERICAN LANGUAGE.'"
"R.A.Lafferty:" up-to-date checklist by Dan Knight now out from
Drumm, PO Box 445, Polk City, IA 50226, USA. $3.50.
"Jerry Pournelle" stimulated much comment in June ... `Bad sight of
the month was Jerry Pournelle making an appearance on the BBC's otherwise
excellent science series "Pandora's Box". Pournelle, apparently drunk,
ranted loudly on about how he and Larry Niven had been called in by
Reagan and had all by themselves not only dreamed up S.D.I. "["Star
Wars"]" but written Reagan's speech too. He made it sound as if Reagan's
cabinet, the State Department, the whole of RAND and the Lawrence
Livermore Laboratory staff had all spent the evening in Niven's living
room, being set straight by these fast-lane thinkers. Mad with power
fantasies, Pournelle bibulously went on to claim that he and Niven had
thus caused the collapse of the Soviet Union. The camera cut to him
breathing boozily over a spittle-flecked computer game, where he zapped
what might have been incoming communist missiles. "We licked the evil
empire," he belched, cackling and clutching his joystick with renewed
vigour. Larry, sitting at the great man's feet, stared mistily into the
distance.' [CP] "Strangely, Larry Niven neither moved nor spoke
throughout this entire performance, leading some to conjecture that he
was a life-size photograph."
"David Pringle" reports on "Interzone:" `We've taken about 370 new
subs so far as a result of those fliers in "New Scientist" etc.'
"D.West" wants your money now for "Deliverance", a 220pp A4
compendium of his fanzine articles and artwork from 1986 to 1992,
scheduled for Sept. #6.50 or $15 (#8.50/$20 from 1 Oct) to 17 Carlisle
St, Keighley, W.Yorks, BD21 4PX. `DO NOT DELAY. The West policy of
Reverse Remaindering means that the price always goes up and "never"
comes down. (I know the books will sell, so being kept hanging about for
the cash merely makes me more vicious.)' "Ansible"'s easily bribed
reviewer writes: `Titanic in concept, awesome in scope, tattily
duplicated in execution, this work is vital to any D.West completist. Has
something to offend everyone. The 30pp of cartoons are hilarious and
brilliant except for the one of me. Buy it!'
"David Wingrove" and "Susan Oudot", not people to be rushed into
precipitate acts, are finally marrying on 11 July. [DG]
### CONGEON ###
4 Jul ARMAGEDDON FIREWORKS, Hardwick House, Whitchurch on Thames (near
Pangbourne). 8pm, universal holocaust 10-10:30 onward. #3.50. Beer tent.
Contact 0734 588570.
15 Jul BSFA, Victoria & Albert pub, Marylebone BR station.
"Wednesday", not Thursday. (A.Frost: `WHY DIDN'T YOU BLOODY TELL ME?' Me:
`"Ansible 59" did say "Wed" as well as the date.' AJF: `You should KNOW
I have trouble with dates....') Sue Thomas of "Correspondence" fame is
expected as speaker.
18-20 Jul CONTAGION, Central Hotel, Glasgow. Trek con. #30 reg.
Contact PO Box 867, Rutherglen, Glasgow, G73 4HR.
18-26 Jul MINEHEAD SPACE AGE FESTIVAL, Town Hall, The Parade,
Minehead. Arthur C.Clarke (birthday boy, around all week), Patrick Moore
and John Brunner (18th only), Terry Pratchett (25th), etc etc. Contact
082 343 2001.
25-26 Jul HASTICON, Library, Claremont, Hastings. GoH David
Gemmell (also Steve Sneyd and with luck Colin Greenland). #2.50/day
(10am-6pm) to Hastings Arts, 53b All Saints St, Hastings, TN34 3BN. 0424
420634. Limited numbers (60).
1 Aug CLWYDCON, `SF poetry theme', Celyn Horticultural Coll.,
Northop, Clwyd. #6 reg, #13.50/room. Contact Rose Cottage, 3 Tram Lane,
Buckley, CH7 3JB. 0244 543820.
7-9 Aug SCONE (Unicon 13), Clyde Halls, Glasgow. #14 reg. GoHs
Iain Banks, Anne Page. Contact 80 Otago St, Glasgow, G12 8AP. `Fun and
games in sf' theme.
21-25 Aug PORTMEIRICON, `Prisoner' society con, Portmeirion,
Gwynedd. Outdoor events open to all, indoor ones Members Only (I assume
anyone can join). Contact Six of One, PO Box 60, Harrogate.
3-7 Sep MAGICON, 50th Worldcon, Orlando, Florida. #68 reg to 15
Jul ... but the Hugo ballot can be sent in with #68 full or #19 non-
attending membership up to 31 Jul, while the site selection ballot says
#70 full membership, and although there's a UK agent (Peter Weston) the
Euro-address for ballots is Kees van Toorn's in Holland (the US address
also differs from Magicon's main one), so watch it. Ballots available
from "Ansible" for those wishing to expend #19 to save me from the hubris
of a Hugo and/or (for a "further" #12 voting fee) Glasgow from the horror
of the 1995 Worldcon. Non-ballot address still PO Box 621992, Orlando,
FL 32862-1992, USA.
5 Sep REMINISCON 40 celebrates Lionel Fanthorpe's 40th
anniversary as a published author, writer, litterateur, penny-a-liner,
prosaist, scribbler, novelist, pen-pusher, hack, man of letters,
fictioneer and thesaurus master. Chapter Arts Centre, Cardiff, 9:30-5:30,
#10 reg. With Brian Aldiss, Guy N.Smith, Brian Stableford, and many
threatened readings from Lionel's complete works -- not to mention his
voluminous "oeuvre", his substantial achievement and the stupefying
totality of what he wrote. Contact 48 Claude Rd, Cardiff, CF2 3QA.
13-20 Sep MILFORD SF WRITERS' CONFERENCE, Margate. Exhausting
workshop for published authors, by invitation only, but you can ask: 37
Beane Ave, Stevenage, Herts, SG2 7DL.
28-31 May 93 MEXICON V, now happily relocated to Hotel St
Nicholas, Scarborough. #18 reg. Rooms #33/person/night sngl, #29.50 dbl/
twin. Contact: 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH.
"Rumblings" "New Worlds 2" publication has been deferred to 6
Aug, and editor David Garnett still hopes for a party. AUSTRALIA IN
1999 is a `last chance this millennium' Worldcon bid: 43 Chapman Pde,
Faulconbridge, NSW 2776. Boston is definitely confirmed as bidding for
the 1998 Worldcon.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TEN YEARS AGO. Tanith Lee explained in a con speech how she'd caused
several Israeli wars, an Italian earthquake and the invasion of the
Falklands; Brian Aldiss was clobbered by nemesis when his "Telegraph"
`mini-saga' competition brought in 33,000 entries for him to judge;
Lionel Fanthorpe scored a media first by arm-wrestling on Radio 4.
("Ansible 27", Jul 82).
BESTSELLERS became hot news in June, with "The Observer" revealing
that of the current hardback list only Terry Pratchett's "Small Gods"
(#1) had cleared over 1,000 copies that week ... actually about 4,000.
Further downmarket, Robert Rankin's editor passed a query to "The
Bookseller:" `When I told him that the book at no.70 in last week's
"Sunday Times"/Bookwatch bestseller list had a total sale of 0 copies,
he wanted to know why his book "[They Came and Ate Us]" isn't in at no.70
as well, since it has sold 0 copies in a far more distinguished and
entertaining manner.' But Terry P's influence now transcends mere sordid
commerciality: a recent St-Martin-in-the-Fields memorial service for one
Francis Tibbalds featured readings from those sacred texts "Mort" and
"Reaper Man". [JH]
"FAR POINT" magazine has been returning MSS unread, since editor
Charlie Rigby's employers have sent him overseas for several months.
Massive inactivity will prevail until Dec.
FOUL LIBEL: "Matrix 100" calls "Ansible" `ascerbic'. Never!
SF FOUNDATION RESCUE ... the grandson of the hallowed S.Fowler
Wright has offered a semi-detached house south of London in which to
store the fabled library. Adoption by some non-skint academic institution
is an alternative possibility, and the University of Liverpool is said
to be `interested'. More news expected from SFF AGM, happening as we go
to press....
UNATTRIBUTABLE GOSSIP: `After being booted out of his local
Neighbourhood Forum (or Council or some such busybody group), the Fake
Bob Shaw is reported as having been rejected by all the local Trekkies.
Maybe someone should suggest the Young Conservatives. Or a leper colony.
[] It is also said that Joy Hibbert, having come under the influence of
some Paganist, has decided her psyche is all screwed up by residual
Christian conditioning and that D.Rowley and H.Bond are having to fund
an extensive course of de-programming.' [Anon]
"THE FANTASTIC MUSE" must be Arthur C.Clarke's most obscure title
-- a 1938 fanzine essay on sf poetry plus a 1939 poem (the latter fairly
awful to my untutored eye, but what do I know?). New chapbook, 12pp with
covers: #1 from Hilltop Press, 4 Nowell Place, Almondbury, W.Yorks, HD5
8PB. [SS]
AWARDS. "Ditmars" (Australia): LONG FICTION Terry Dowling,
"Wormwood"; SHORT Sean McMullen, `Alone in his Chariot'; FANZINE
"Eidolon"; FAN ARTIST Nick Stathopoulos; FAN WRITER Bruce Gillespie;
ATHELING AWARD (sf criticism), Sean McMullen, `Going Commercial and
Becoming Professional'. [BG] "James Tait Black Memorial Prize"
(fiction): Iain Sinclair, "Downriver". "Bradbury Award" (best script):
"Terminator II" -- this being the non-Nebula award inaugurated by
President Ben Bova against the wishes of SFFWA members, who did not get
to vote on it. [SFC] Which for no good reason reminded an "Ansible" mole
of how years ago editor Bova was allegedly overheard phoning the Vatican,
trying in vain to have the Pope do an interview: `I don't think you
realize who you're "talking" to ... this is "OMNI MAGAZINE!!"'
ONE MILLION PESETAS (`circa $10,000') is offered by the University
of Catalonia for the best unpublished sf novella (defined as 75-100pp
double-spaced with 30 lines/page, 70 characters/line) in Catalan,
Spanish, English or French. Closes 10 Sept. The rules are labyrinthine;
enquire if interested.
`REDS IN SPACE' alias `Fans in Opposition' is an APA for glum non-
Tories. Contact 106 Jarden, Letchworth, Herts, SG6 2NZ.
MIDNIGHT ROSE: despite the startlingly high midlist sales reported
last issue, spies say that Geraldine Cooke of Penguin is getting cold
feet about carrying on with these shared-world collections. (Hence
rumours of other publishers being hastily chatted up by the MR
collective.) One titanically famous author remarked, unattributably, `I
met Geraldine Cooke at a signing and was reminded of a large, placid carp
swimming in the sunlight, in a piranha pool.' Pardon?
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: SPANISH. "anaranjeur", to kill a cock by
throwing oranges at it. [SS. `A likely story' -- Hazel.]
DOWN UNDER FAN FUND: Roger Weddall apparently won the 1992 race by
85 votes to Greg Hills's 29, and will represent Australia at Magicon (as
part of six months' American travel, lucky sod). `Apparently'? Voting was
strangely chaotic, with one lot of 21 Aussie ballots going astray until
after results were announced (admittedly too few to alter the outcome),
and further voters complaining that their names "still" don't appear on
the revised list. [JF] Should we send intrepid fan-fund investigator
Ahrvid Engholm to sort things tactfully out? `Only if Australia agrees
to keep him,' said 5,271,009 Swedes.
C.O.A. "Harry Bell/Margaret Wombwell", 14 Grantham Drive, Low Fell,
Gateshead, Tyne & Wear, NE9 6HQ (they're marrying on 1 August). "Spike
Parsons", PO Box 20132, Castro Valley, CA 94526, USA. "Nigel Rowe", 5a
Moulins Rd, Victoria Park, E9 7EL. "Taral" (CORRECTION -- he forgot the
apartment number for "A58"), 245 Dunn Ave "#2111", Toronto, Ontario, M6K
1S6, Canada.
### SOME ARE MORE EQUAL ... ###
The SOCIETY OF AUTHORS has repeated its 1988 poll of writers' opinions
on their publishers. Top of the popularity league are SINCLAIR-STEVENSON
(`A new outfit,' I hear other publishers muttering, `they'll soon learn
to be bastards like the rest of us.') and WALKER; rock-bottom are VIRGIN
at #69 (`Terrible') and THE WOMEN'S PRESS at #70. For sf/fantasy, the
clear favourite is Headline at #3: `despite one very unhappy author ...
consistently splendid.' Others: #8 TRANSWORLD, `a major improvement on
1988'; #12 PAN, ditto; #=14 GOLLANCZ, `some authors very unhappy since
takeover'; #=21 VIKING PENGUIN, `the best result for a large company';
#=28 RANDOM CENTURY, `given the takeover problems and the size of the
organization, the marks are better than feared'; #=34 METHUEN, `results
from the adult list quite a bit better than those for children's books'
-- no surprise if you've heard their children's authors talk; #=37
HODDER; #40 HARPERCOLLINS, same remark as Random; #=43 SPHERE; #48
MACDONALD, `few satisfied authors'; #55 SIMON & SCHUSTER. Comments
naughtily excerpted from the report in "The Author", Summer 92. A glum
statistic: of the 50 most prominent publishers, 22 had results adversely
affected by `impact of takeover'. The most vehement complaints were of
`horrifyingly insensitive and ignorant editorial work, especially from
young editors, many of whom seem, alas, to have caught the American
editorial disease (the main symptom being the belief that the more you
alter, especially unnecessarily, the more efficient you are)'.
Ansible 60 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to: John Foyster, David
Garnett, Bruce Gillespie, Jenny & Steve Glover, Judith Hanna, Martin
Hoare, MATRIX, Chris Priest, Yvonne Rousseau, SF CHRONICLE, Steve Sneyd,
Charles Stross, D.West.
2/7/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 61
AUGUST 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" supports Abigail Frost for TAFF if
she gets round to making her bloody mind up. And GLASGOW IN 1995.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
### RULERS OF THE SEVAGRAM ###
"Pat Cadigan" won this year's A.C.Clarke award for her "Synners".
"Mike `Resistance is useless!' Cule" regaled "Ansible" with the
latest step in his acting career -- his first nude scene, for a movie too
awful (he says) to be named here. `It was "extremely difficult" keeping
my willy out of sight. Apparently one glimpse of my willy in a cinema
would cause the downfall of Western civilization.' After this (as it
were) climax Mike gets suffocated in a plastic bag, albeit with
disappointingly few death throes.
"The Reverend Lionel Fanthorpe", B.A. (Hons), F.C.P., F.B.I.M., Cert
Ed., Member of the Welsh Academy, Member of Mensa, Managerial, Editorial
and Educational Consultant, Radio and Television Broadcaster, Author and
Lecturer ... has an awe-inspiring letterhead. He sends copious artwork
from a project, perhaps autobiographical, featuring a giant bearded
fighting missionary frog called the Rev Dr Hugh John Green (geddit?).
"William Gibson's" poem "Agrippa (A Book of the Dead)" -- the one
on disk that wipes itself as you display it -- is reviewed at length in
the accompanying "Ansible Dumb Ideas Supplement", which goes one better
by self-destructing before you read it.
"Steve Green" did vast research on Katherine Kurtz, only to realize
at the last minute that he was interviewing Katherine "Kerr"; her
publishers say he `did quite well considering'. [MS]
"Dean R.Koontz" was plagiarized in two recent horror novels by
`Pauline Dunn', a two-sister team who had to return their advances to
Zebra Books (USA). The books were pulped. [SFC]
"John Major", answering a Question on 14 July, welcomed Arthur
C.Clarke's 75th-birthday visit to Parliament and said, `We shall continue
to take initiatives ... in pursuit of space "[i.e. outer space]"
priorities.' We? Continue? [JN/Hansard] ("Aged Tory MP:" `Is my right
hon. Friend aware that the man Clarke intends to publish a rude "Playboy"
piece on sex in space, titled "Nasa-sutra"?')
"Joseph Nicholas" clarifies: `Jerry Pournelle's appearance on
"Pandora's Box" was not quite as awful as Chris Priest says ... if he was
drunk, it wasn't with alcohol but with crazed triumphalism at US
"victory" in the Cold War. Nor was his idiotic claim that SDI helped
bring down the "Evil Empire" allowed to go unchallenged; the narrative
voice-over immediately countered that while there were many explanations
for the collapse, SDI was not "normally" (great understatement! -- and
a put-down that only a Briton would spot) advanced as one of them.
Various other things intervened before the clip of Pournelle playing a
video game -- a clip that anyone less egomaniac would have realized would
be used to embarrass him.' [10 Jul]
"Terry Pratchett" writes in "SFC": `The "Mort" film hit a stumbling
block when an American film company said in effect, "we like it, but
Middle American consumer research says to lose the DEATH angle,
please"....' [SFC July/Aug]
"Chris Priest" was at HASTICON: `The high (=low) spot was a talk on
fractals by one of George Hay's mad scientist friends. He looked like
Robert Maxwell; he was as daft as a brush; he made George sound lucid and
sane. My first thought was that it was some kind of cabaret act. He
wittered and twittered, repeating himself in a surreal way that reminded
me of one of Ken Campbell's monologues, then played a tape he had
recorded while "walking to the convention". Street noises, and tuneless
singing, and post-modern stuff like "I am going to a science fiction
convention, and I am walking down the street!" etc. He continued to talk
over this, frequently repeating what was on the tape. Then he laced up
a film projector, and on the pre-recorded tape began making the noises
that were to act as the soundtrack of the film: street noises continuing
(and doubtless under the stare of bemused passers-by), he began imitating
the sound of fireworks going off. The film was a home movie of fireworks
(almost invisible because of background light in the room). The
soundtrack went: ""[Traffic sounds]" pip pop pop poppety pip pop whoosh
whoosh bang pip pop bang whoosh." And, er, so on for about ten minutes.
After a bit I started laughing and could not control it; soon Paul
Kincaid and Kim Newman were similarly convulsed. George frowned at us
from the podium, which of course made it much worse. Etc.' [31 Jul]
"Others called Charles Stross `unlikely hero of the hour' for explaining
what Mr Fractal was trying to say." [MS]
"Maureen Speller" is reviewing sf magazines (and begs info on any
obscure ones -- 60 Bournemouth Rd, Folkestone, Kent, CT19 5AZ): `The
major editorial proviso is "Thou shalt not jump up and down gratuitously
on "Interzone"" ... "Imagination" has already passed across my desk and
seemingly into oblivion: the fiction was variable, the proofing and
copyediting apparently done by someone whose native language wasn't
English, and the book reviews overly personal in content, but they did
some very good overview-style articles. I fear they have been hit by
financial problems, either that or the fell curse of Wingrove (this
debate lurched on in the final issue I saw).'
"Brian Stableford" testifies: `Savoy's appeal against the seizure
of and destruction order on novel "Lord Horror" and comic book "Meng &
Ecker #1" began on 30 July before Lord Justice Gerard Humphries and two
magistrates. The judge initially seemed hostile but mellowed after lunch
and entered fervently into cut and thrust with Geoffrey Robertson QC (for
M.Butterworth and Savoy). Three experts gave evidence: M.Moorcock, yrs
truly and Guy Cumberbatch (psychologist who investigates media effects
for Home Office). All declared "LH" and "M&E#1" innocent of any potential
to deprave and corrupt, and argued forcibly that those who labelled "LH"
"anti-semitic" while talking to the press had completely mistaken the
rhetoric of the fiction.... The opposition made no attempt to defend the
seizure order on "LH" and in fact never mentioned the book at all but
concentrated on the comic, which they evidently thought an easier target.
GR's eloquent defence of the book thus went somewhat to waste. The
witnesses did not waver when cross-examined on the comic (at one point
a copy of "Viz" was produced to demonstrate that "M&E#1" was no worse!)
but the judge and magistrates took not a blind bit of notice and found
the comic was obscene although the book wasn't. There may well be a
further appeal on behalf of "M&E".' [3 Aug]
"Bruce Sterling" tried fandom's fast lane: `I spent a long week on
"The GEnie Network" one afternoon ... The "SFWA Forum" is, by contrast,
a crackling and pithy good read! :-)' [13 Jul]
"Ian Watson" writes: `I must not brag about my probably impending
coup of trading a story collection to Lithuania in exchange for amber
beads. I mustn't, since a stall holder in Northampton market informed me
that the market has really dropped out of amber beads and lapis lazuli
since the Iron Curtain came down.... Recent global events have thankfully
allowed "The Fire Worm" to appear in Poland. Thus now I have the words
of "The Lambton Worm" in Polish, ideal for challenging people to sing in
pubs. All together, now ("Whisht, lads, haad yor gobs/An' Aa'll tell ye
aall an aaful story...."): "Hej! zuchy, nadstawcie uszu/Straszna historie
opowiem...."'
### CONEPATL ###
7 Aug BRITISH FANTASY SOCIETY open night, Royal Connaught pub, High
Holborn.
15 Aug SIGNING: "New Worlds 2" and "In Dreams" anthologies at the
renamed (but to what?) Cafe Munchen, circa 1pm.
19 Aug BSFA, V&A pub, Marylebone station. No speaker?
21-25 Aug PORTMEIRICON, `Prisoner' con, Portmeirion, Gwynedd.
Outdoor events free for all, indoor ones Members Only (all can join).
Contact Six of One, PO Box 60, Harrogate.
3-7 Sep MAGICON, 50th Worldcon, Orlando, Florida. PO Box 621992,
Orlando, FL 32862-1992, USA. $??? at the door.
5 Sep You thrilled to "Force 97X", you reeled at "Galaxy 666" ...
now REMINISCON 40 marks Lionel Fanthorpe's 40th anniversary as an author.
Chapter Arts Centre, Cardiff, 9:30-5:30pm, #10 reg. With Brian Aldiss,
Guy N.Smith, Brian Stableford. Contact 48 Claude Rd, Cardiff, CF2 3QA.
0222 498368. "LF has kindly donated a membership for TAFF auction: bids
to Pam Wells's Answering Machine on 081 889 0401 by 25 August."
2-4 Oct FANTASYCON XVII, Midland Hotel, New Street, Birmingham.
#20 reg, `likely to rise soon'. GoH Lisa Tuttle. Contact 15 Stanley Rd,
Morden, Surrey, SM4 5DE.
9-11 Oct FESTIVAL OF FANTASTIC FILMS, Charterhouse Hotel,
Manchester. #30 reg, fantastic popcorn extra. Contact 95 Meadowgate Rd,
Salford, Manchester, M6 8EB. [BGN]
24 Oct DANGERCON, "Dangermouse" con (!), Croydon, 11am-11pm.
#3.50 reg. Contact 37 Keens Rd, Croydon, CR0 1AH.
6-8 Nov NOVACON 22, Royal Angus Hotel, Birmingham. Now #20 reg
(#25 from 6 Oct). GoH Storm Constantine. Contact 121 Cape Hill,
Smethwick, Warley, W.Midlands, B66 4SH.
7-8 Nov ARMADACON 4, Astor Hotel, The Hoe, Plymouth. #20 reg +
3 SAEs (or #10/day). GoH: various, all `subject to negotiations/work
commitments' (Jon Pertwee was advertised on this basis but has
cancelled). Contact 4 Gleneagle Ave, Mannamead, Plymouth, PL3 5HL.
Armadacon `tries' not to clash with Novacon, but was allegedly told the
wrong 1991 date and this year `tried again to find their date ... but
there was no response.'
27-9 Nov HILLCON III, 18th Beneluxcon, Atlanta Hotel, Rotterdam.
f52.50 reg (f65 from 4 Oct). GoHs Tanith Lee, Terry Pratchett, Peter
Schaap, Tad Williams. Eurocheques to Hillcon III, Bijltjespad 52 II, 1018
KJ Amsterdam, Netherlands.
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon (+Eurocon); Hotel de France,
Jersey. #22 reg. Contact 63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ. Plans
to enact Nigel Kneale's "The Stone Tape" were dropped when NK said `No',
preferring the TV version to remain unrivalled by scummy fan productions.
(`Know any other really good obscure sf plays we could do?' -- M.Hoare.)
13-14 Nov 93 ARMADACON 5 as above. Novacon please note!
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER, 45th Eastercon, is on the move. The Grand
Hotel in Bristol continued to be `obdurate about money', and after
pondering the Norbreck Castle in Blackpool (1992 Illumination site: seems
the Illumination lot were fearfully upset by this, since "they're"
thinking of a second Blackpool Eastercon bid), Sou'Westish is now
finalizing things with the Adelphi Hotel in Liverpool. `Cornwall must now
be deemed to be on the Mersey. You heard it first in "Ansible"!' said our
Mid'Wester mole [CB]. #20 reg to 3 West Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6
6SZ. Nor'Wester doesn't wish to call its members `attendees', and wonders
if a better term could be suggested by "Ansible"'s etymologically gifted
readers (or readees).
"Rumblings" The first MEXICON, say revisionist historians, was
"not" in Newcastle but in Mexico (1975), organized by the Sociedad de
Ficcion Ciencia de Guadalajara. So there. [RH]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
CURSE OF "ANSIBLE": Dick Jude of "Forbidden Planet", appalled by "A59"
coverage of how Leo Stableford's copy of "The Eye of the World" was
confiscated by a zealous "FP" security thug, has sent Leo an apology plus
copies of the book and its sequel. [BS]
SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA. Little, Brown have now decided that the new
edition will contain no pictures. `The idea is to go for a sort of super-
sophisticated Oxford University Press look, and I think it's right.' [PB]
Also presumably cheaper. What of the final delivery deadline on 15 July?
What, indeed....
ARTHUR C.CLARKE REVEALED AS PSEUDONYM: "Private Eye" notes that
Moscow University's school of journalism library, once named for Karl
Marx, has been hideously renamed after L.Ron Hubbard -- and adds that
Russia now awaits `a million-strong edition of one of Hubbard's turgid
and posthumous novels, "Imperial Earth".' Answers on a postcard, but not
to me.
CLUBMEN: Iain Banks ("The Crow Road") and Geoff Ryman ("Was...") are
Sept choices of `The Softback Preview' book club.
STAR REJECTION LETTER: `We are now buying only lead titles.'
"PULPHAUS" "(The Only SF Magazine)" is a US jape with columns by
Awesome Scott Card and Algae Buttress (`I'm not going to review the
latest volume of "Mary Baker Eddy Presents the Burnt-out Hacks of the
Future", since I am intimately involved with it, to the tune of many
thousands of dollars. Rather, I am simply going to announce its
publication, and allow you to visit your local Christian Science Reading
Room to pick up a free copy'), ads for items like "The Annotated Last
Dangerous Visions Letters" (`follow the generations-long disputes;
despair as editors, readers and writers' families beg for a look at
stories they have only heard about through rumor!'), etc. [DG]
FROM THE CRYPT: `Four GW Books authors have been summoned to a 6 Aug
meeting to discuss with an as-yet-unnamed publisher the possibility of
resurrecting the GW line.' [BS]
TAFF: fun-loving Michael Ashley confirms that he's standing partly
because Harry Bond and/or Kev McVeg might -- `Can't stand the thought of
either of those two winning, even if it means having to go myself.' Word
is awaited from Ashley Watkins and Undecided of Bethnal Green (`if you
nominate anyone else, Langford, I will "scratch your eyes out"').
MAGAZINES. "Fantasy Tales 8" (`Spring 92') is apparently still on
hold while better distribution schemes are examined. [BGN] "Nexus 3" will
appear `Octoberish ... might extend to Xmas'. [PB] "New Moon" is in
eclipse because editor Trevor Jones is ill. [MS] "Cleveland Ansible" of
Ohio is in no way related....
OOPS "(A59)": "John Brunner's" `less than $300 royalties' from Del
Rey wasn't for all 1991 as he'd thought, merely for its second half.
"Storm Constantine's" wedding dress was misreported -- `Dark green,'
sniffed fashion buff Maureen Speller. I fearlessly blamed the `white'
report in "Matrix", but: `This excuse will not do. Any reporter would
think twice before using the genre's equivalent of the "Sun" as his
source. Suitable punishment, we feel, is that you purchase all hardback
copies of the CHUNG KUO series and not only read them but "memorize"
them.' [SCIS]
C.O.A. "Neil Gaiman:" somewhere, we hear, in Minneapolis. "New
England SF Association", PO Box 809, Framingham, MA 01701-0203, USA.
"Paperback Inferno (BSFA):" new editor Stephen Payne, 24 Malvern Rd,
Stoneygate, Leicester, LE2 2BH. "SF Foundation:" soon c/o Liverpool
University, probably ... despite an interesting late report that many
Polytechnic (now University) of East London people didn't know the SFF
was being axed, and rather expected to carry on using its resources for
teaching. "Sou'Westoid:" see cons. A conrunner comments: `Oh God, we're
going back to Thieves' Paradise again.'
GOSH: Nigel E.Richardson made his first (computer) magazine sale!
HUBBARDRY: `Wordstar forms tie with cash-rich Elron'. "(PC Dealer)"
MORE HASTICON: `"Famous Author:" Any idea what's happening? "Me:"
All George sent me was a menu from the pub. "FA:" Menu -- let them eat
Hay! Chris Evans, urgently summoned to replace Colin Greenland, found
his talk wasn't scheduled (and no space was made for it). In years to
come grizzled survivors will gather their grandchildren round their knees
and proclaim, "I was there to hear Mr Fractal!" He was also scheduled to
talk on "Underwater Cities"; I know of no one brave enough to stay and
hear him go "Glug glug glug".' [PK] []
Ansible 61 (c) Dave Langford, 1992. Thanks to: Paul Barnett, Chris Bell,
Paul Brazier, Brum Group News, Abigail Frost, David Garnett, Rob Hansen,
Paul Kincaid, Joseph Nicholas, SF Chronicle, Maureen Speller, Brian
Stableford, Storm Constantine Information Service. Ear and its caption
from Vaught's Practical Character Reader, 1902.
6/8/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 62
SEPTEMBER 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" supports thingummy for TAFF if she ever
makes her bloody mind up.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
R.I.P. 1987-1992: August's London sf meeting took place amid a hell of
builders' partitions constricting the pub to half size, terrific behind-
the-scenes hammering and a stench as of a glue-sniffers' convention, as
the Wellington began its loathsome transmogrification into an `upmarket
wine bar'. (Will the far from upmarket staff be sand-blasted and
refurbished in keeping with this policy?) The juke-box having failed to
shift us, this was the Final Solution. A partly democratic straw poll
opted for a move to the Great Eastern Hotel's `Hamilton Hall' bar in the
new Liverpool St Station, at least for now.... `Oh God, it's a "yuppie
bar",' reports one ashen-faced explorer [EC].
### THE BRAINS OF EARTH ###
NEIL GAIMAN's recent trip Down Under shed light on feminism at Aussie
cons: `In the panel on Genre Blurring, with Sean McMullen, NG and Helen
Reilly, Neil eventually turned to Helen and said: "You haven't said
anything yet" -- whereupon, as Helen opened her mouth to begin, there was
a shout from the audience of "That's because she's the token female on
the panel!" -- and Neil said something along the lines of Oh-I-didn't-
realize-I-thought-you-might-have-wanted-to-speak, and turned back to Sean
-- and so the panel continued....' [YR]
GEORGE HAY reports: `Hasticon was surprisingly successful. The
"Necronomicon" reprint "[from Skoob Books]" should be available Oct/Nov,
the sequel fairly early in spring. I pray this is not just another
triumph of hope over experience.'
PATRICK NIELSEN HAYDEN (with Mike Resnick) has lately been
assembling "Alternate Skiffy", `a mind-bending collection of tales that
ask "what if" H.P.Lovecraft had inherited the editorship of "Astounding"?
... "What if" the 1940s owners of "Amazing", casting about for a
desperate fan in the Midwest to fob the editorship on to, had settled not
on Ray Palmer but on Claude Degler?' ... and other sense-shattering
hypotheses. [PNH]
DON HERRON is once again editing Philip K.Dick's Letters: six
volumes in all, with wistful hopes for a corrected reprint of #1, and #2
for 1975-6 `due by Nov or so' from Underwood-Miller.
FRITZ LEIBER, alas, had another stroke in mid-August and remains in
hospital; `looks unlikely that he will be able to return home' [JB]. He
is 81 and remarried earlier this summer.
DUNCAN LUNAN keeps smiling: `The "Glasgow Herald" cancelled this
year's sf competition, so threatening my writing class at the University;
so I've been forced back into unemployment.'
SIMON OUNSLEY, now mostly recovered from ME after his course of
`spiritual healing', reports: `When I ventured to the Leeds group the
other night, D.West immediately fixed me with his evil eye and announced
his intention to denounce me and all my mystic claptrap in his
forthcoming "Daisnaid". ""Daisnaid"?" I cried in astonishment: "but what
about the second collected works "[Deliverance]" for which all fandom
waits with bated breath?" "It's going to be late," West replied without
so much as the blink of an eye. ... My favourite LoC so far "[on the
mystic bits]" is from Joseph Nicholas. It reads as follows: "Dear Simon.
Jesus Christ Almighty. Yours, Joseph." That must be the shortest letter
Joseph has ever sent to anyone.'
TERRY PRATCHETT `went to Arthur's "[Clarke's] "Week at Minehead,
which had a sort of weird atmosphere. I don't think they knew what it was
they were trying to do. Thank heavens for Sarah Broadhurst of "The
Bookseller", who lives down there; she'd managed to put across the novel
idea that if they were inviting a number of authors it might be a good
idea to have some of their books around.... What spoiled it for me was
the arrogant film crew commissioned to do a "commemorative video". They
flourished an outrageous disclaimer form (the phrase "anywhere in the
universe" was included) which I "had" to fill in. I'm afraid I fell prey
to the sin of evil satisfaction when they got in a snit and took down all
their lights and left after I refused to sign. We were able to get six
more people into the library, though.'
"TP on Sou'Wester's move:" `Har har, I was right about Bristol after
all. Ah, the good old Adelphi, jewel of the South-West. I was at a con
there Some Years Ago (within the last five). The guests, who included at
least one far bigger name than me, were allowed to charge stuff to their
rooms; in order to get this amazing privilege, the con committee had to
front #400 for each guest. I had a nice time, left on the Monday and got
a panicky call on the Tuesday from one of the organizers. Did the hotel
give me any money when I checked out? No, I said. They say they did, she
said, and they say they've got a signed receipt. And they say two other
guests got given their balances, too. Overflowing with embarrassment, she
explained: They'd collected the balance of the deposits from the
management after the con. Then an irate manager phoned them and said,
"No! A receptionist got it wrong! She thought the balance of the deposits
belonged to the guests, and she gave it to them in cash! And we've got
receipts to prove it! So the money we gave you was not yours, and we want
it back right now!" In short, the Adelphi were saying we'd walked off
with money -- about #270 in my case -- belonging to a group of fans. I'm
pleased to say I was able to sort this out by means of a phone call and
a very carefully worded fax, indicating that while I did not have the
con's money I "did" have a solicitor with no sense of humour. And
suddenly ... well, well, it turned out that the money hadn't been handed
to us after all, and those "signed receipts" evaporated. Good old
Adelphi, always helpful....'
JANE YOLEN left our shores on 1 Sept (but Will Return): `I go home
to GEnie and the flaming debates where once Jerry Pournelle threatened
to horsewhip one young man who said something slightly bad about me on
line, even though it was Pournelle who -- in another time and place --
had called me "that feminist bitch". ("that" being the only correct part
of the appellation.) See what I have missed?'
### CONICOPOLY ###
First Thursday of month NOMADIC LONDON MEETING as above.
11-13 Sep CONTRAPTION, games con, U of East Anglia. #18 reg.
Contact 4 Haddon Close, New Malden, Surrey, KT3 6DP.
21 Sep BSFA with Kim Stanley Robinson, Victoria and Albert pub,
Marylebone BR Station. 6:30pm for 7:30. "NB one-off shift from `3rd Wed'
norm to accommodate KSR."
2-4 Oct CONTANIMET (anime), New Cobden Hotel, Brum. #16 reg, #20
at door. 20 Field Ridge, Shaw, Newbury, Berks.
2-4 Oct MIDCON (Trek), Holiday Inn, Leicester. #35 reg. Contact
8 Ennerdale Close, Oadby, Leicester, LE2 4TN.
9-12 Oct IFT CON (Trek), Holiday Inn, Leicester. Contact 129
Westfield Rd, Wellingborough, Northants, NN8 3HN.
16-18 Oct OCTOCON 92, Irish national event, Royal Marine Hotel,
Dun Laoghaire, Ireland. #13 reg. GoH Orson Scott Card (Scourge of the
Sodomites) and others. Contact 30 Beverly Downs, Knocklyon Rd,
Templeogue, Dublin 16.
30 Oct-1 Nov CONCERT, King's Manor Hotel, Edinburgh. #20 reg.
Contact 97 Harrison Rd, Edinburgh, EH11 1LT.
6-8 Nov NOVACON 22: for writers' workshop contact Sally-Ann
Melia, 11 Spinney Dr, Cheswick Green, Solihull, B90 4HB.
13-15 Nov T'KON (Trek -- they're insatiable!), Arcade Hotel,
Brum. #12 reg at door; `no contact address'. [BGN]
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon (+Eurocon); Hotel de France,
Jersey. "Now #25 reg." Contact `Master of the Universe', 63 Drake Rd,
Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ.
"Rumblings" Brian Aldiss, Barry Bayley, Michael Moorcock: what
do they have in common? All were billed for the August "New Worlds/In
Dreams" signing and didn't turn up. Alan Moore speaks to the Preston
group on 22 Sept (Bear's Paw pub, Church St). Kim Stanley Robinson
signs "Red Mars" at Forbidden Planet on 26 Sept.
### EDITORIAL: YEAR ONE ###
Your editor is as boggled as anyone to find that "Ansible"'s new slimline
series has lasted a year (12 issues plus two illogical half-issues: over
30,000 words and no lawsuits "yet"). At this juncture, apologies are
extended to those far-off sf societies who wanted the agenda of all their
weekly meetings listed in full, the bookshops expecting vast free
publicity about every single signing, the con committees who are hurt
that their 37 guests of honour and 18-tier membership rates aren't
printed each issue merely because nothing has actually changed, and above
all the fans who (not having fathomed the intricate subtleties of the
stamped, self-addressed envelope) complain that "Ansible" is elitist and
impossible to get hold of.
Kindly volunteers are now helping with the means of production,
distribution and exchange, especially outside the UK (see credits box).
This is very necessary because I am broke. For the future: when I can't
afford it any longer, I'll stop.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TALES OF PUBLISHING. The Midnight Rose anthology collective's likely
change of publishers is reportedly because despite high sales of "Temps"
in particular, Penguin (i.e. Geraldine Cooke, who `has a "bad" attitude'
-- A.Pundit) wants to swell its profits by cutting authors' payments from
#60 to #40 per thousand words. [] NEL's Humphrey Price blames falling
sales figures and Recession Gloom for his decision not to take on another
`best of "Interzone"' anthology. [] As for the rumoured GW Books revival,
the 6 Aug meeting with the possible new publisher' (an outfit I'd never
heard of) was called off, but....
TOO GOOD TO CHECK: the story is that a young graduate newly employed
by Radio 4 thought of a way to brighten it up, and on his own initiative
wrote to Douglas Adams asking if he'd ever thought of adapting "Hitch-
Hiker's Guide" for radio....
TAFF 1993: ghostly rumours of a `conrunning candidate' have reached
my ears. "Ansible" is not afraid to say, `Pardon?' Jeanne Bowman is still
writing up her 1992 adventure: `One trip report segment is in the hands
of Michael Ashley (oh look, "asshole" is the next word on my spell
check).'
SMALL PRESS &C. "The Sirius Book Company" (alias `Not Kerosina') is
a quasi-new venture from Mike & Debby Moir, kicking off on 15 Oct with
Keith Roberts's "Kaeti on Tour" -- guaranteed crammed with nubile young
femininity. (#13.95 hc, 320pp. Nice cover by Jim `I'm hoping people will
"forget" about that "personal stains" remark' Burns. Listing here does
not preclude failure to review it in a later issue.) [] "Pong 41" is a
surprise Ted White/Dan Steffan revival (see COA), bewailing "inter alia"
an absence of UK fanzine activity -- well, chaps, if you will fall silent
for ten years or so you do tend to drop off mailing lists. [] The US
"Necronomicon Press" plans a 1993 Langford chapbook which (like their
recent Stableford, "The Innsmouth Heritage") will be in the great
tradition of Lovecraftian Stories Written For The Socko Centenary
Anthology That Steve Jones Couldn't Actually Sell.
THE "SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA" SOAP: champagne corks popped in mid-August
and flying pigs were seen in the radiance of a blue moon as the UK
editors still reeled in stark disbelief: "Peter Nicholls has finished
writing his entries!" Delivery real soon now.
HISTORY REPEATS: older readers will recall that London fan meetings
moved to the Wellington pub after the One Tun's macho landlord threw out
a fan for wicked deviancy. Certain filk-singers had more recently been
meeting there, until 20-odd walked out at the landlord's expulsion of a
male fan for wearing little but `form-hugging Lycra'. (Take a bow,
Teddy.) [RR]
"DRIF'S GUIDE" to UK second-hand bookshops is out in a new edition
with an index at last (and without, I hope, its former sweeping claim
that Guildford does not exist). Advance flyers speak mysteriously of a
Channel 4 "Within Walls" involving Mike Moorcock and `drif' himself on
6 Oct. The book is #11.24 post free from `drif field guides', 41 North
Rd, London, N7 9DP.
CURSE OF "ANSIBLE": `The Red Fox copy-editor who fucked up "The
Birthplace" by deleting subjunctives (and much more, and much worse "[see
A60]") has been fired from the series, at last, thanks to a colossal
capitulation by the bastard of an in-house editor -- who, it seems, for
the first time has actually taken a "look" at the work before telling me
I'm a thicko and awkward with it for protesting. An impromptu party was
held here.' [JG]
GUFF: nominations are open for next year's race to bring a Worthy
Australasian Fan to Helicon at Easter 93. Closing date 30 Nov, ballots
available Dec. Euro-administrator: Eva Hauser, Na Cihadle 55, 160 00
Praha 6, Czechoslovakia.
TEN YEARS AGO ... Britain's long-running SF Book Club got its death
warrant as `basically an outmoded idea'. "Extro" magazine folded. A radio
`Brain of Britain' question asked what "Billion Year Spree" and "New Maps
of Hell" had in common: the hesitant answer was, `Drug addiction.' Too
right. ("Ansible 28", Sept 82.)
COLLISION! Brian Stableford and Martin Hoare were recently
incapacitated in reckless, daredevil pastimes -- respectively, cricket
(colliding at high speed with a fielder gave BS a nasty faceful of
infected tooth marks) and drinking (colliding at high speed with a chair-
back in the Welly left MAH concussedly saying `Who am I?' for about two
weeks). All is now well, though Martin had a slight relapse after flying
over for the current Worldcon and finding, at his destination airport,
my brother.
UNATTRIBUTABLE: A certain British games company (Guess Who?) is busy
making litigious noises at an sf publisher thanks to some book title that
duplicates a `trademarked' game title.
COITAL WAVE? `Martin spent five minutes staring at the cover art for
"Critical Wave 27" and muttering "There'll be complaints." Since any
sexual subtext has to be imposed by the reader (the young lady is fully
clothed), it'll be illuminating....' [SG]
REJECTION OF THE MONTH, accompanying two non-fiction MSS: `Please
find enclosed your manuscript in which Knave are no longer accepting
fiction.' [MG]
C.O.A. "The Conservatory" is the new incarnation of the former Cafe
Munchen, venue of countless past and future signings. "Lucy Huntzinger",
2305 Bernard Ave, Nashville, TN 37212, USA. "Ken Lake" ceases to have any
fixed address on 16 Sept (except for `temporary stopovers' in Singapore
and Hong Kong) and promises that mail will not be forwarded. "Katie
McAulay/Greg Pickersgill", 3 Bethany Row, Narbeth Rd, Haverfordwest,
Dyfed, SA61 2XG. "Simon Ounsley", 25 Park Villa Court, Leeds, LS8 1EB.
"Dan Steffan", 3804 South 9th St, Arlington, VA 22204, USA.
THE SEARING QUESTION: `Does the column in "Interzone" mean that
David Langford has sold out?' [LMT] Who, "me?"
Ansible 62 (c) Dave Langford, 1992. Thanks to rumour-mongers Jeanne
Bowman, Brum Group News, Eddie Cochrane, Mike Gerrard, John Grant, Steve
Green, Patrick Nielsen Hayden, Don Herron, Robert Lichtman, David
Pringle, Roger Robinson, Luke M.Tredinnick, and hero distributors John
Foyster, Vikki Lee France, Steve Jeffrey, Arnie Katz, Yvonne Rousseau,
Alan Stewart and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
3/9/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 63
OCTOBER 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Cartoon stolen shamelessly from Magicon.
"Ansible" is available for SAE, whim, beer, intimidation or Hugos.
(Thanks!)
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
MAGICON HORROR: in a traditional drunken phone call Martin Hoare broke
the big news, `It's 3:30am and the parties are great!' ... also
mentioning `a British double!' `What, "Interzone" got a Hugo?' `No, don't
be "silly", you won and so did Glasgow.' Then he fell over. A news
analyst [SG] opined that the invisible UK profile of Glasgow's 1995
worldcon bid was just outclassed by the greater incompetence of its
Atlanta rival -- site selection saw a record 2,564 votes, with a winning
margin of only 163. Paying tribute to the total confidentiality of the
process, Martin told me: `We all had a good laugh -- "you" voted twice!'
Oops.
Those Hugos: novel "Barrayar" by Lois McMaster Bujold (beating
Card's heavily tipped "Xenocide" and McCaffrey's "Another Bloody Dragon
Book". `Oh God, I'd have preferred even Card.' [RK]), novella `Beggars
in Spain' by Nancy Kress, novelette `Gold' by Isaac Asimov (the
traditional Existence-Challenged Author Award), short story `A Walk in
the Sun' by Geoffrey Landis, nonfiction "The World of Charles Addams",
dramatic presentation "Terminator 2", editor Gardner Dozois of
"Asimov's", artist "and" original artwork Michael Whelan, `semiprozine'
"Locus" (sorry, Mr Pringle), fanzine "Mimosa" ed. Dick & Nicki Lynch, fan
writer me, and fan artist Brad Foster. [PNH] "Ansible" promises to spare
you detailed Hugo voting statistics in any future issue.
`The most horrible part of Magicon,' quavered Martin, `was having
to wear kilts to push the Glasgow bid -- I said "You won't have one in
"my" waist size," and bloody Tim Illingworth just went "Ho ho." And the
sporran was artificial fur pasted on this wooden board, so when you
walked it kept thumping into your groin....' The impression gleaned by
US con-goers was that authentically kilted Scots always walk very, "very
"slowly.
### THE UTTER ZOO ###
J.G.BALLARD'S favourite reading includes the Los Angeles Yellow Pages --
see "The Pleasure of Reading" ed. Antonia Fraser and the revived "JGB
News", #2/year to 217 Preston Drove, Brighton, BN1 6FL.
ALGIS BUDRYS has cut his L.Ron Hubbard links, to edit Pulphouse's
new "Tomorrow Speculative Fiction" -- rush your stories, Mr Stross, to
PO Box 6038, Evanston, IL 60204, U.S.A. [SFC]
DAVID GARNETT, self-confessed `editor of Britain's most celebrated
sf anthology', is pondering this enquiry from a potential new contributor
of `sci-fiction': `I have wrote to three or four publishers and your
relaunched "New Worlds" was mentioned by the last one, unfortunately it
seems that none of the so called publishers want to handle any material
that hasn't been handled by a solicitor, or that is what I assume when
I read that they are not accepting unsolicited material ... I really
wouldn't know where to begin dealing with a solicitor on a matter such
as this.'
PATRICK NIELSEN HAYDEN reveals how Real Editors collaborate on
anthologies ("Alternate Skiffy" -- see "A61"): `Breakfast at Magicon.
"Mike Resnick to PNH", blearily: "Er, you finished your story yet?" "PNH"
takes coffee mug, upends over head, scrubs eyes furiously, falls asleep
into plate of eggs. Wakes. "PNH to MR:" "Um, no, you?" "MR" shakes head,
signals waiter, twists head off passing ibex, leaves for Africa.'
DAVID LALLY (Renaissance Fan) reportedly wowed the recent Mensa AGM
with an old "Avengers" clip concerning incredibly intelligent people
infiltrated by evil-doers who brainwashed them, culminating in the rescue
of the bright folks' archetypal Nutty Professor leader with some such
line as `How did you come to let them brainwash "you", Sir Clive?'
Whereupon Sir Clive (Absolutely No Sense Of Humour) Sinclair walked
out....
FRITZ LEIBER died on 5 Sept, all too soon after his recent stroke.
John Clute gave him a good and appreciative (but warts-and-all) obituary
in "The Independent" [14 Sept].
JERRY POURNELLE correspondence goes on: `Having dealt with JP at our
local con a decade ago, I'd say Joseph Nicholas was being pleasant in his
descriptions. I won't go into anything libellous (most of us know about
his violent nature, argumentativeness, lechery and occasional knife-
pulling), but the warnings from our con and a US con that hosted him
previously put fandom in the know about Jerry and his proclivities ...
not even the computer conventions want him, now.' [LP]
DAVID REDD is most Disappointed by the `Ansible' column in
"Interzone": `No coloured paper! No special type for Chung Kuo!'
KEVIN SMITH lives: `I saw (from "Matrix") that you didn't have to
present the BSFA award to Paul McAuley for "Eternal Light". I'm sure this
must have come as a relief. I read as far as page two, and found this:
"Sitting in his air-conditioned subterranean hutch in the middle of the
secret excavation site on the flanks of Arrul Terrek, Major Sebastian
Artemio Pinheiro wondered, not for the first time, if he was becoming as
crazy as everyone said the zithsa hunters were." In the days when I
edited "Vector", that would have been a bottom of the page filler, on a
par with "The Troglodytes" by Nal Rafcam. Yet people seem to think this
McAuley character can write a bit. They nominate him for awards. They
interview him in "Vector" and things....'
BRIAN STABLEFORD winces when asked about the understated cover of
his new vampire epic "Young Blood" (Simon & Schuster, 21 Sept). `I was
"not" consulted. I never saw the jacket....'
D.WEST deplores TAFF `dirty politics' wielded by the Berry faction
against his favoured candidate Michael Ashley: `Martin Tudor persuaded
Steve Green to declare for Michael. Trouble is, we can't retaliate with
the standard pig-fucking routine since that might make Tony Berry seem
more interesting.'
`CHERRY WILDER's husband Horst Grimm died suddenly of a heart attack
on 9 Sept. They had been on the point of moving house, and from 15 Oct
Cherry's address will be 36 Kurt Schumacher Strasse, 6070 Langen/Hessen,
Germany. She had been about to finish "Signs of Life", a sequel to
"Second Nature". Cherry intends to remain in Germany for three more
years, and may move to an English-speaking country thereafter.' [IW]
### CONQUASSATION ###
First Thursday FISSIPAROUS LONDON MEETINGS "Hamilton Hall" bar,
Liverpool St Station -- the `too crowded with bloody commuters "in
suits"' option; some hopes of reserving the upper level if enough fans
start going there. "The Wine Vaults", Fenchurch St -- Bernie Peek's
Fancy: `People don't insist on lots of real ales in the 1990s....' [RK]
[] "Turnmills", corner of Clerkenwell Rd and Turnmill St -- the Nic Farey
Alternative: `At 11pm it turns into a disco!' "The Wellington", last
seen in chaos while becoming an `upmarket wine bar' -- the `wait and see/
can't be bothered/move? what move?' factions. "Which shall it be,
Passworthy?"
9-11 Oct FESTIVAL OF FANTASTIC FILMS, Charterhouse Hotel,
Manchester. #30 reg; fantastic popcorn may cost extra. Contact 95
Meadowgate Rd, Salford, Manchester, M6 8EB.
9-12 Oct IFT CON (Trek), Holiday Inn, Leicester. "Event presumed
cancelled." [CW] No reply to urgent enquiries about this rumour; the
committee, even if still active, doesn't seem interested.
16-18 Oct OCTOCON 92, Royal Marine Hotel, Dun Laoghaire, Ireland.
#13 reg. GoH Orson Scott Card etc. Contact 30 Beverly Downs, Knocklyon
Rd, Templeogue, Dublin 16.
24 Oct DANGERCON 4, "Dangermouse" thingy, Cedar Hall, Ruskin
House, Croydon, 11am-11pm. #3.50 reg. Contact 37 Keens Rd, Croydon, CR0
1AH; 081 686 6800 (eve). "No kids."
24 Oct DRACON (`an imitation Microcon ... "I" am calling it
Teenycon' [CB]), U of Bristol Students' Union. #3 reg. Contact UBSU,
Queen's Rd, Clifton, Bristol, BS8 1LN; 0272 735935. Claims to be
`Bristol's first fantasy and sf convention': little do these infants know
of OMPAcon, the 1973 Bristol Eastercon....
30 Oct-1 Nov CONCERT, King's Manor Hotel, Edinburgh. #20 reg.
Contact 97 Harrison Rd, Edinburgh, EH11 1LT.
30 Oct-1 Nov WHO'S 7, "Dr Blake" con; Moat House Hotel, Telford.
Contact 137 High St, Plaistow Broadway, E13 9HH.
?-? 93 MILFORD (UK) SF WRITERS' CONFERENCE, 21st anniversary
thrash. An old lags' reunion (with Judy Blish) is hoped. [PB]
24-8 Aug 95 INTERSECTION, 53rd Worldcon, Glasgow. Rates yet to
be announced, at least to me. GoHs Samuel R.Delany, Gerry Anderson.
Contact 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH (I've seen that address
before). The huge site selection voting turn-out was a mixed blessing for
Glasgow: it meant 2,500+ paid-up members at once, but they paid a rock-
bottom bargain price. "Overheard at Reading sf meeting:" `The co-chairman
Vince Docherty is going off to work in Oman.' `How did Tim Illingworth
arrange that?'
"Rumblings" DANGERCON 6, in order to annoy Sou'Wester, will be
held in Bristol over Easter 1994, `for 150-250 people, about #15 reg,
rooms #25-30/person/night. More details will follow.' [RN] A beermat
drunkenly signed by Sou'Wester's David V.Barrett arrived: `Liverpool?
Isn't that somewhere sou'west of Bristol? I'm going to Dangercon myself.'
[] The alternative media con ELYDORE could be resurrected for Easter '94
`because of media fans' hatred of the Liverpool Adelphi hotel.' [RN] []
Future WORLDCON bids include "1996" Los Angeles; "1997" San Antonio, St
Louis; "1998" Baltimore, Boston, New York, Niagara Falls; "1999"
Australia; "2000" Kansas City (slogan: `KC in 2K', which as any
computerate fule kno is 2048).
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TAFF: "Ansible" asked candidates to cast aside all inhibition and say why
we should "really" vote them a trip to the 1993 San Francisco Worldcon.
"Michael Ashley:" `Fan of saliromania (the activity -- not the fanzine).
Founder member: Nieces Across Woodside. Personal friend of Walt Willis.
My pubic and underarm hair is clean.' "Tony Berry:" `Because I'm such a
wonderful guy. And if they don't vote for me, I'll sulk.' "Abigail
Frost:" `I've organized more conventions than Michael Ashley; won more
fanwriting awards than Ashley Watkins; and look more interesting in a
mini-skirt than Tony Berry.' "Ashley Watkins:" no response. Administrator
"Pam Wells" adds: `"Please" can I have some TAFF auction material for
Novacon? Books, clothes, fanzines, illegal fudge, erotic stimulators,
anything.' "Richard Brandt", past and possibly future US candidate:
`"TAFF Hopeful Struck in Jaw by Arrow" ... is this worth a story?' "Me:"
`No.' "RB:" `How about "DUFF Hopeful"...?'
"SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA" SOAP OPERA CONTINUES! By Sept, the letters A and
B had been delivered (370,000 words). After tussling with the Little
Brown Production Manager over the latter's idea of a "whole new
typestyle" for acronyms (which would have meant `some poor sod picking
through 1.2 million words of text to find and code all the acronyms'),
the Bearded Copy-Editor was delighted to hear from the Jolly Typesetter:
`Er, you know that inordinately complicated system of coding for small
capitals, italics and boldface that we insisted you use from the outset,
sunshine? Well, er, our machines can't read it.' [PB]
REDISTRIBUTION. Forbidden Planet and Titan are splitting, with Nick
Landau continuing as FP Bookshops Boss and Mike Lake flogging Titan
Distributors to the US comics distributor Diamond (likely to abandon
books and handle only comics henceforth, thinks awesome pundit Maxim
Jakubowski). The fate of FP's Titan Books line is uncertain: if it dies,
who will carry on its valuable work of reissuing US comics without their
original colour (rather like reprinting novels on the cheap by leaving
out the adjectives)? Kosmos Distributors has already gone bust, owing
"Interzone" around #500. [DP]
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: JAPANESE. "Honban manaita", live sex shows
("honban"=the real thing, "manaita"=chopping board for the preparation
of raw fish). [via Dave Wood-san]
GW BOOKS EXHUMED. An outfit called Boxtree (`their entire catalogue
consists of TV spinoffs and books about fishing') plans to release six
GW titles in January: three David Ferring/Garnett fantasies, one
unpublished, and three "Warhammer 40k" books including at least one
unpublished Ian Watson epic. Former GW Books editor David Pringle was not
consulted; also out in the cold are voluminous GW authors Brian
Stableford and Kim Newman. (`"Brian Craig" and "Jack Yeovil" were the
ones who won the praise and good reviews; but it's Ferring they want to
publish. Give the readers what they want, that's the way....' [AoF]) Our
own spy described the Boxtree packaging Fuhrer as `clearly a man who had
never read a book in his life'.
R.I.P. "Reginald Bretnor" of `The Gnurrs Come from the Voodvork Out'
fame, "Alan E.Nourse", and Superman's co-creator "Joe Shuster" all died
in July. [SFC etc]
MORE AWARDS. "John W.Campbell" for new writer: Ted Chiang. "Campbell
Memorial Award" for novel: "Buddy Holly is Alive and Well on Ganymede"
by Bradley Denton. "Sturgeon" for short: John Kessel's `Buffalo'. (`So
Denton & Kessel, ex-students of James Gunn, have won these awards ...
chairman of the judges being James Gunn. Just proves how well he taught
them!' [AoF]) "SF Chronicle Reader Award" for novel: "Stations of the
Tide" by Michael Swanwick. ("SFC" fanzine and fanwriter winners are
"Ansible" and me, ho ho.)
FORBIDDEN WORKS: `Jane "[Barnett]" tells me that various authors'
books are banned from her school library because of their unsuitability
for the little dears. Foremost among them? Salacious Terry Pratchett, no
less.' [PB]
AIR MAIL. Size of HarperCollins box: 23"x15"x5". Contents: 2 books
for review. Empty space mailed out: 93.8% of parcel.
MODESTY FORBIDS ... in the Oct "The Dark Side", Steve Green's rave
review of "Critical Wave" neglects to mention who edits it.
C.O.A. "Ken Lake" has left Britain but will pick up his fan mail in
Feb 93 ... c/o John Bull Stamps Ltd, PO Box 10.009, GPO Hong Kong.
"Tibs/Joan Paterson", 1/L 30 Falkland St, Glasgow, G12 9QY. "Cherry
Wilder" (to whom all sympathy), see over.
MAGICON MOMENTS. Over 5,900 people attended. `Great time, outside
of walking 4-5 miles a day just from your hotel to the convention centre
and back (I was at the main hotel, too).' [LP] The Peabody Hotel
boasted the four `Peabody Ducks', which each morning were led from a lift
along a red carpet to the lobby duckpond and each afternoon ushered back
by the same route to their $250,000 Duck Palace upstairs. "Martin Hoare:"
`That one, please, with orange sauce.' "Icy Waitress:" `We "don't joke"
about the ducks.' Best cock-up: the wrong card in one Hugo envelope
-- "Mimosa"'s fanzine award was presented to and snatched back from
"Lan's Lantern". `The deserving were rewarded and the guilty punished in
one fell swoop,' said cruel Andy Hooper. [RB] The 1995 NASFiC (North
American alternate con for overseas-Worldcon years) went to Atlanta
despite hot competition from the spoof `I-95 in 95' alias Roadkillcon;
a serious New York bid came fourth, after `None of the above'. Removal
of this event from the Worldcon constitution is under discussion, again.
[] The Hugo rockets reverted from tacky plastic to Peter Weston's massive
castings, gold-plated for Worldcon #50; their bases incorporated bits of
old Cape Canaveral launch complex gantry -- real skiffy. ("Cringing
Answer To Most Frequent Question of September:" `Er ... seven.') []
Magicon newsletter reaction to Glasgow victory party: the headline "Men
in Skirts!" []
Ansible 63 (c) Dave Langford, 1992. Thanks to Anonymous of Ferring, Paul
Barnett, Chris Bell, Richard Brandt, Eddie Cochrane, Critical Wave, Ethel
the Aardvark, David Garnett, Steve Green, Patrick Nielsen Hayden (Hugo
Fax Master), Martin Hoare (Official Hugo & Hernia Collector), Roz
Kaveney, Robert Newman, Lloyd Penney, David Pringle, SF Chronicle, Brian
Stableford, Ian Watson, Pam Wells and hero distributors listed last
issue.
1/10/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 64
NOVEMBER 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. Guppies also by Dan Steffan -- is there no end
to the man's talents? "Ansible" is available. Abigail Frost for TAFF!
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
POLICY BIT: as dull press releases pour in, "Ansible" fancies more News
As Entertainment. An unadorned `Author Sells Book' does not excite (do
trade journals elsewhere carry stories of `Bricklayer Lays Brick'?).
`Stross Slays Seven, Dies In Cocaine Brawl' -- now you're talking.
`Greenland Sells Book Despite Ravages Of M.E., Blames Illness On Occult
Resonance Of Title "Harm's Way", Claims Next Will Be Called "Sex, Wealth
and Immortality"' -- nice one, Colin, but don't try "too" hard....
### THESE RESTLESS HEADS ###
ANONYMOUS OF DAVENTRY confides: `24 November will see a legal battle in
court between Games Workshop and Boxtree in the Warhammer corner, and
Transworld in the other corner, over a matter of trademark infringement
due to Transworld launching those young adult skiffy titles labelled
"Dark Future". "[A GW gameTM which I thought had been discontinued --
Ed.]" Meanwhile Boxtree strides ahead, aiming for a January launch of the
brand-new "Space Marine" by Ian Watson, which isn't at all like
"Starship Troopers", introducing a new art form: scrimshaw upon the
finger bones of one's dead comrades.... Preliminary findings at Frankfurt
indicate international potential for the Boxtree venture.' [AoD]
STEVE BAXTER's life imitates art: `I have a story in "Weerde II"
whose first line is "We want you to assassinate Stephen Hawking". Last
weekend [17 Oct] I was in Cambridge signing books at Heffer's bookshop.
Afterwards I was driving out of town and approaching lights when
suddenly, out of nowhere -- you've guessed it -- a motorized wheelchair
came plummeting across the road in front of me. I did an emergency stop,
no harm done ... the chap in the wheelchair grinned hugely and a worried-
looking lady came running to pull him back on to the kerb. I've heard the
great man is prone to this sort of antic. So I almost lived through my
own story. Spooky....'
JOHN BRUNNER had trouble with antibiotics for an infected insect
bite: `You know how debilitating diarrhoea is. Ever had it for months on
end? I literally feel drained.' He's been writing `posthumous
collaborations' ... luckily it's the other authors who are posthumous,
such as Borges and Eric Frank Russell.
AVEDON CAROL counted up Hugos and now warns me for my own good: `If
you ever get nine, Langford, "you will have to die".'
CHUCK HARRIS's Worldcon was marred by rampant shingles: `It's
absolutely no fun waking in the morning nowadays, clasping a throbbing,
nipple-erect breast and finding it's your own.'
DON HERRON was at Fritz Leiber's funeral: `If Jay Sheckley had
limited herself to her opening remarks about reclaiming Fritz for horror
and then just gone over and kissed the corpse in the open casket,
throwing back her black veil and leaning over Dracula-like ... fuck,
maybe it would have been in questionable taste, but at least it would
have been "short". She had to be ordered off stage after the "first"
story she wanted to read. And she can't read for shit. As my and Fritz's
pal John Law said to me somewhere during the almost-two-hour affair,
"Hey, Don, could you get me a spot on the programme? I'd like to read "A
Spectre is Haunting Texas"." So Sheckley did the corpse kiss after it was
all over and almost no one was watching, Werewolf Mike put a cigarette
in Fritz's hand and someone else a champagne glass for his last party (I
don't think "he" would have objected for a second -- though I hear
Charlie Brown had big trouble with the open coffin). Poul & Karen
Anderson, Judith Merril and Diana Paxson spoke. John de Cles gave a
"brilliant" (and short) valediction. And Justin Leiber's reading of
Fritz's "The Big Trek" from the mezzanine of the "fin de siecle"
columbarium where the services took place was nothing short of
magisterial (and the story selection could not have been better, if you
knew Fritz). Maybe you had to be there, maybe you're glad you were not.
The whole deal, while totally Fritzean, might have been a bit much for
most folk I met in England -- it was too much for many who were there.
As I said to myself when the speeches, readings and songs were finally
at an end, "Jesus, I "need" a drink!"'
MAXIM JAKUBOWSKI gloats: `"100 Great Detectives" edited by you-know-
who won the nonfiction Anthony (crime's equivalent of the Hugo) at
Bouchercon 22, the World Mystery Convention in Toronto [Oct]. Also,
Nottingham beat Washington DC and Miami in the bid to host Bouchercon 25
in 1995. So, what with Glasgow and sf, "both" big worldcons come to the
UK in '95.'
STEPHEN KING recently helped save a TAFF candidate's life! Abigail
Frost (for it is she) inadvertently inhaled a lump of Yorkshire pudding
and was visibly choking to death; heroic Roz Kaveney leapt to the rescue
with the Heimlich Manoeuvre, adding modestly: `I read how to do it in
"Christine".'
NAOMI MITCHISON, vastly prolific and fondly remembered in sf circles
for "Memoirs of a Spacewoman", was 95 on 1 Nov.
### CONTABESCENCE ###
First Thur LONDON PUB MEETINGS -- EVOLUTION IN ACTION. Oct: fans voted
with their feet for both "Hamilton Hall" (Liverpool St Station) and the
"Wine Vaults" (Fenchurch St). #1 has everything going for it -- free
house, food, the Underground, a sheltered milling-around space outside
-- but is overcrowded at rush hour; having part or all of the upper bar
reserved for us is contingent on a large, regular fan turn-out. #2 was
quiet and emptyish, but wouldn't be so if the entire ex-Wellington mob
descended; it also closes early, and lazier fans are not keen on the walk
from the tube. (Advocates of each pub stressed the damning fact that the
other advertises a smart-dress code. Several noted Worst Dressed Fans
have failed to be thrown out of either.) `"Ansible" should make the
decision,' claimed Tim Illingworth. My straw-polling now indicates
Hamilton Hall; some early-coming ochlophobes may prefer to spend the
rush-hour period in Fenchurch St first.
6-8 Nov NOVACON 22, Royal Angus Hotel, Birmingham. #25 at door.
GoH Storm Constantine. Too late to pre-register.
7-8 Nov ARMADACON 4, Astor Hotel, The Hoe, Plymouth. #20 reg or
#10/day. GoH: various. Suck it and see.
13-15 Nov T'KON (Trek), Arcade Hotel, Brum. #12 reg at door (also
daily rates); no contact address known.
18 Nov BSFA, V&A pub, Marylebone Station. No info.
27-9 Nov HILLCON III, 18th Beneluxcon, Atlanta Hotel, Rotterdam.
f65 reg. Eurocheques to Hillcon III, Bijltjespad 52 II, 1018 KJ
Amsterdam, Netherlands.
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, Eastercon: "PR3" with tortuous and
labyrinthine booking forms now out. #25 reg, rising to #28 on 1 Dec.
Contact 63 Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ.
1-3 Oct 93 FANTASYCON XVIII, Midland Hotel, Brum. GoH Peter
James, Les Edwards. Membership cost still an eldritch secret. Contact 15
Stanley Rd, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5DE.
24-8 Aug 95 INTERSECTION, 53rd Worldcon, Glasgow. Full attending
membership #40 until 31 Dec, with discounts for all paid-up
Presupporters, `Friends' and 1995 site-selection Voters: P #35, V #25,
PV #20, F #15, PF #10, FV or FPV free. Supporting membership is #15, or
P #10 -- free to other PFV combinations. Contact 121 Cape Hill,
Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH.
? Oct 95 BOUCHERCON 25, World Mystery Convention, Nottingham:
details TBA. Contact Broadway Media Centre, 14 Broad St, Nottingham, NG1
3AL. (Or Maxim J. at Murder One.) [PW]
"Rumblings" EASTER 1994: Chris Bell has interrogated Robert
Newman about his "A63" news of a Dangercon 6 in Bristol while Sou'Wester
(Eastercon) happened in Liverpool. Before being removed to intensive
care, RN said that this was all a merry jape and was induced to send
another bloody beermat. (`Moving Sou'Wester to Liverpool is the most
brilliant idea since the deposing of Maggie Thatcher. I'll be there. Now
can I have a plug for the Croydon sf group, 2nd Tue, Oakfield Tavern, St
James's Rd, Croydon?' "No -- Ed.") BSFA: the Oct meeting (Sue Thomas
giving readings from her "Correspondence") was enlivened when a visiting
Thomas fan tried all by herself to throw out a party of non-sober
outsiders who were Muttering in the background. "Barman:" `I would have
talked to them but you took matters into your own hands!'
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
GIVE ME MONEY! In the tradition of D.West, your skint editor hopes to
defray the cost of "Ansible" etc. by flogging reprint collections.
"Critical Assembly II" is the hotly awaited (one has to say these things)
concluding book of Langford sf review-and-abuse pages from "White Dwarf",
"GM" and "GMI" ... 51 revised and updated columns, well over 70,000
words, 75pp A4, softbound with index, a mere #9. (Same as the 1987 price
of the sell-out "Critical Assembly I", reset and back in print soon.)
"Let's Hear It For The Deaf Man" ed. Ben Yalow is NESFA's 1992 collection
of my fan writing, 64pp mimeo plus covers, #5. Accost me at any pub or
con. UK mail order of either "or" both: add 75p postage.
GOLLANCZ CHANGES HANDS -- Cassell plc bought the venerable
publishing house from its US owners Houghton Mifflin; London staff moved
from their tatty old Covent Garden offices to Cassell's in the Strand
(see COA). `It's good news,' said galaxy-famous sf boss Richard Evans:
`Mine's a pint.' Changes have already begun: `Cassell bought a new ribbon
for the printer! A tradition dies as at last the world can read Gollancz
royalty statements.' [CP]
HAZEL'S TOURISM LESSONS: "Venezuelan Guidebookspeak". `A very
strange fauna only known by those who have had the chance of exploring
their bowels is hidden in the "Tepuis".' [RB]
SF FOUNDATION MOVE. The final decision to accept the University of
Liverpool's offer of a home was taken on 1 Oct. [RR]
UGH! Richard Calder's novel "Dead Girls" (HarperCollins) will, they
say, be noted for the Hardback Porno Jacket of 1993. The editors hate it!
All women hate it! The book club cancelled its order because of it! And
those in charge of the HarperCollins paperback not only loathe and
despise it but begin to suspect that such a jolly striking cover must be
worth re-using....
"668: THE NEIGHBOUR OF THE BEAST" -- long proposed by Messrs Gaiman
and Pratchett as the "Good Omens" sequel title (if ever), this just
appeared as an Ace book by `Lionel Fenn'. No comment on its dread
`decaying mansion at number 666 Langford Place' ... but `isn't "Fenn"
that US anthologist who published his "final" anthology last year -- and
has still neglected to pay certain authors or send out contributors'
copies? I'm one of those in [Charles] Grant's "Final "Shadows"" who
hasn't had copies of the book, but at least I've been paid. Mostly.' [DG]
YET MORE "SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA:" `Bantam have ducked out of the US
edition ... nothing to do with the book, just that they're trimming
everywhere they can and hadn't actually signed a contract. I gather that
New York editors are zeroing in.' [PB]
R.I.P. "Quantum" (once "Thrust"), the oft-Hugo-nominated sf review
mag, will cease with its 20th anniversary issue in Jan.
DRACULA SOCIETY: at 213 Wulfstan St, East Acton, W12 0AB.
CULTURAL INDICATOR. `Offer in #1 of the magazine "SuperNintendo":
"Free SuperNintendo Badge! Stick it on your clothes! Take it off again!
Hours of fun!" I thought of you at once.' [PB]
C.O.A. "Jo Fletcher", 162 Clements Rd, Ilford, Essex, IG1 1BE.
"Gollancz", Villiers House, 41-47 Strand, London, WC2N 5JE. "Cyril
Simsa", from 9 Nov: c/o 18 Muswell Ave, London, N10 2EG or (urgent stuff)
c/o Eva Hauser, Na Cihadle 55, 160 00 Praha 6, Czechoslovakia.
SKIFFY POETS: short (100 lines max, preferably <50) pomes wanted for
an A3 poster. S.Amos, 22 Albert Rd, Tonbridge, Kent, TN9 2SR.
"A63" ERRATA: in `1993 NASFiC' read `1995', for `#2/year' read
`#2/issue', for [Intersection] `"attending" members' read `paid-up
members', for `Setve Grnen' read `Mratin Tudro', etc.
LETTER FROM TEXAS. `Despite a long list of accolades from the sci-fi
wets, Kristine Kathryn Rusch of "F&SF" is slowly getting a reputation for
being one of the more tedious writers in the field. Both she and her
partner Dean Wesley Smith (of Pulphouse) go to workshops around the
country where they encourage young writers to produce a story a week and
get it in the post, stressing the writing of "saleable" stories, with the
premise that a story is good if someone has bought it. Do we need more
of this? ... Smith publishes "The Report", a news-sheet for those writers
who spend more time on the net and reading SFWA bulletins than they do
writing. In a fussy, busybody voice it advises authors how to behave at
cons, avoiding drink, poor dietary habits, lack of sleep, sex, etc. "Kiss
my butt," I thought. Commentary from Pat Cadigan was: "Blow it out your
ass!" ... Don't connect my name with any of this. I want all the editors
in the field to think I love them dearly.' "(Coward -- Ed.)"
TEN YEARS AGO: Ian Watson read "Ansible" and was `not pleased to see
Aldiss's court jester, the vulgarian of the universe, H.Harrison Esq,
being abusive about the decent Mr Brunner.' ("Ansible 29", Oct 82)
### FANTASYCON XVII ###
This was the usual genially shambolic event in sodden Birmingham.
(Outsiders reported noises of massacre and dissent from Sunday's BFS-
members-only business meeting.) "Karl Edward Wagner" was, as usual
when I see him, frothing with rage and despair -- this time at the
`butchering' of his script for a DC graphic novel wholly rewritten
without his permission. "Andy Porter" waved a list of secret Hugo data
showing that his "SFC" got 22% more nominations than "Locus", that David
Pringle is the #11 pro editor after Martin H.Greenberg, that "Ansible",
"Stet" and "Pulp" just missed the fanzine list, etc. (This would have
carried more authority if his list hadn't omitted the winner, "Mimosa".)
[] "Deborah Beale" of Millennium expressed unprintable feminist horror
at the latest Piers Anthony title "The Colour of Her Panties". "Graham
Joyce" tangled with the Millennium party's Free Bar: `Pint of Murphy's
please.' (Pause.) "Barman:" `#1.70.' "GJ:" `WHAT?' "Barman:" `It's only
the halves of lager are free, sir.' "GJ, paying up:" `AND a half of
lager.' "Ramsey Campbell" was mentally scarred from a reading which
someone had livened up no end with drunken sound effects before falling
loudly over. "Richard Evans" looked strainedly enigmatic, confessing
days later that he'd been defending the Gollancz Takeover Secret against
my ruthless lack of questioning. "British Fantasy Awards:" NOVEL
(August Derleth award) "Outside the Dog Museum" by Jonathan Carroll,
COLLECTION "Darklands" ed. Nicholas Royle, SHORT `The Dark Land' by
Michael Marshall Smith, ARTIST Jim Pitts (whose dentures had broken;
since only the trophy bases had turned up, the spectacle was of an award
with no award accepted by a man with no teeth), SMALL PRESS "Peeping
Tom", BEST NEWCOMER (Icarus award) Melanie Tem, and committee award (for
Best Committee) Andy Porter. "Linda Krawecke" left the horror artists
nowhere with her art-show display of Real New Orleans Bad Taste (With
Lobsters).... []
Ansible 64 (c) Dave Langford, 1992. Thanks to Paul Barnett, Richard
Brandt, Sherry Coldsmith, Bernie Evans, Abigail [For TAFF] Frost, David
Garnett, Steve Green, Colin Greenland, Chris Priest, Roger Robinson,
Peter Wareham and the usual hero distributors, notably Joyce Worley Katz
with her new US fan newsletter SPINDIZZY.
5/11/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 65
DECEMBER 1992
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for SAEs, whim, personal
threats or (rich idiots only) #12 per year. Abigail Frost for TAFF!
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
XMAS QUIZ. A small prize to the first devoted "Ansible" reader to explain
why these writers form a series, and who comes next: Clifford Simak,
Charles Fort, John Sladek, Jody Scott, A.E.van Vogt, Jack Vance, Edward
Gorey, James Branch Cabell...?
### THE ALIENS AMONG US ###
NICK AUSTIN, erstwhile sf editor/consultant for practically every UK
publisher you've heard of, has now left Orion/Millennium.
J.G.BALLARD, 62 on 15 Nov, got a "Sunday Times" birthday notice as
`science fiction writer and novelist'. What, "both"? [DW]
DAMIEN BRODERICK, almost famous Aussie sf author, `has published
"The Lotto Effect: Towards a Technology of the Paranormal". ("Lotto" is
the favourite ordinary-person's method of gambling here, with a success
probability of 1 in 8.5 million or so.) Damien has been working on this
book for very many years, and the blurb explains: "Dr Damien Broderick
has studied a vast computerized trove of data -- three-quarters of a
billion guesses -- from many draws of Tattslotto. The database is
provided -- tables and graphs of the way players voted in 23 consecutive
draws. This invaluable information for Lotto punters has never before
been published anywhere. / Does ESP affect Lotto players? It seems to.
The results are startling, statistically significant, and inexplicable."
... Bruce Gillespie complains that Damien has left out all the Scientific
Explanation of how his conclusions follow from the data. John Foyster
wrote a letter (enclosing graph) to point out another and simpler
explanation for an effect which Damien claimed could only be paranormal.
Damien's response appeared to miss the point. Then, on 17 Nov, we
discovered that three Crop Circles had formed in the crop of 33" grass
that we are growing in our back yard. I regret to say that John sent
Damien a circulation-of-one newssheet about Pre-Cognitive Crop Circles
-- "Weekly Wild News, November 1992" -- headlined CROP CIRCLES PREDICT
LOTTO RESULTS....' [YR] "(To be discontinued -- Ed.)"
JOHN CLUTE, in an access of euphoria, tried to drive the other SF
Encyclopaedists mad with a post-last-minute fax: `I'm worried about the
use within ascription brackets of the term "chap" "[chapbook]", and would
like to substitute the term PYG ... so as to refer to the rewritten
SUPERMAN entry I will send later today, which will now be called
PYGMALION, and will address the true nature of the DEFINITION OF SF,
which will need rewriting. Where PYG is not appropriate within ascription
brackets, i.e. for short sf novels with detective or policier elements,
I would prefer you to substitute the term "pig", for all MAGICAL REALIST
tales I would prefer the term "puig", for all FEMINIST works (I think I
can modify that entry pretty quickly) the term "peg", and in the MUSIC
entry it will have to be "pag"....' H'mm.
GERALDINE COOKE, Penguin sf (and ghastly TSR game tie-ins) supremo,
was recently made redundant. Her union struggled to save her job but is
now thought to have given up.
MALCOLM EDWARDS (says this HarperCollinsEditorial leak) has moved
to a `new role' giving him lots less time to spend with his sf writers.
`Extrapolating from his availability in recent months,' said one excited
author, `this implies the concept of "negative time"!' A "Bookseller"
photo identifies Malcolm's new role as lurking in the Virgin Isles
wearing boxer shorts, swilling cocktails, and signing contracts with a
lady hotel-owner whose coming bestseller about hotel-owning may well not
be sf.
ALASDAIR GRAY, Mexicon's most famously horizontal former guest of
honour, won both the "Guardian" Fiction Prize and the Whitbread Prize for
best novel with his "Poor Things". [AJF]
DIANA WYNNE JONES, after suffering severe spinal pain for far too
long, underwent major neurosurgery on 1 Dec and next day was reported as
doing encouragingly well. `She can feel her legs again for the first time
in some while, and the hospital staff are now talking of her full
recovery in terms of "when" rather than "if".... All very, very
pleasing.' [CB via PB]
BOB SHAW, now in a new slimline version, reports that he's been
teetotal for some months and feels strong and vital (his local pub the
Dog & Duck does not, having entirely stopped selling Greenall's Original
Bitter for lack of Shavian custom).
BRIAN STABLEFORD is now, alas, living alone. He said: `To be
deserted by one wife may be regarded as a misfortune ... to be deserted
by two seems like carelessness.' All sympathies, boss.
### NOVACON 22 ###
"The Royal Angus", Novacon's traditional and now reinstated venue, met
with huge acclaim in such terms as `I suppose it's slightly better than
that awful airport hotel.' Strange moments came when a barman went insane
one midnight and was frogmarched off by enormous bouncers, and when a fan
objected to being asked #2.25 for a pint of lemonade ... whereupon the
manager himself appeared and flexibly explained It Wasn't His Fault,
Thistle Hotels "made" him charge these prices, more than his job was
worth, etc. The drink went down the drain. "Storm Constantine" was
GoH, with her fabled Gothic entourage; the programme was typically
lightweight with (according to a few) too many discos; the souvenir book
lapsed into crammed unreadability once "really important stuff" like
committee biographies had given way to mere GoH and sf appraisals. []
"Roz Kaveney" fulminated about Penguin's saturation publicity for
"Eurotemps": `They told me that "no" dealers had asked for early copies,
and now I find Rog Peyton had ordered 50, and they told "him" none had
been printed....' Yet somehow they'd managed to send out review copies.
`One is contending with active "sabotage",' continued Roz. "Greg
Pickersgill" exuded bucolic euphoria and went on about how his life in
London had all been a huge mistake, true tranquillity being reserved for
idyllic Haverfordwest. `Surrounded by baa-ing sheep,' I suggested. `IT'S
FUCKING "CATTLE COUNTRY", YOU IGNORANT GWENT CRETIN!' How he has changed.
[] "Pam Wells" wished to repudiate a vile slur: `If "I" wrote the gossip
column in "Critical Wave" it would be a bloody sight more interesting.'
[]" ""Jim Burns" was unhappily in earshot when I peered at one of his Art
Show contributions and opined that this was a Giant Space Turd. `Oh God,
Langford, you're too perceptive, now you've said it I see that "that is
what it is".' Er, sorry. "Paul Morley" the "Guardian" hack was sighted
at Novacon and later published an odd article on sf's decease (11 Nov),
all seemingly the fault of elves and Terry Pratchett. `Does it make you
feel as though you are writing obituaries in "Ansible"?' asked returned
eofan Derek Pickles with false concern. "Rog Peyton" (The Expert's
Expert) interrupted as we idly wondered how far down Novacon's All-Time
Best Books Poll listing you had to go to find the first real stinker.
Passing over #1 ("Tiger! Tiger!"), Rog snorted: `Number "two", that's
all, total crap, "The Left Hand of Darkness". And number three, "The Book
of the New Sun", fucking rubbish. And....' Speaking of "Tiger!
Tiger!", Novacon research disclosed wide fannish unawareness that
Bester's most famous line comes in two flavours: "`Vorga, I kill you
deadly'" (UK) and "`... kill you filthy'" (US). "TAFF:" in the
interests of Equal Time the three attending candidates all gave
impersonations of the absent Michael Ashley, replete with simulated Angst
and vomit. "Roger Robinson" presented #2,500 (raised at various cons)
to RNIB for talking books: `There's a mistake in the cheque! I've got
another #600.' "Nova Awards" went to Dave Mooring (artist), Michael
Ashley (writer) and Ian Sorensen's "Bob?" (fanzine -- `Incomprehensible!'
said Britain's Mr Horror, Steve Jones, in a later unsolicited interview).
Runners-up: D.West, Nigel E.Richardson and "Saliromania". [HB] "Simon
Ounsley" explained: `The Leeds Group did not even bother to put in a fix
for the Nova this year -- much to the chagrin of the numerous fans who
kept approaching the small Leeds contingent at the con and asking who
they were supposed to be voting for. On being told to please themselves,
they wandered off looking as baffled as all those East European
journalists who suddenly had to go off and search out the news instead
of having it delivered to their desks every day in a government envelope.
Ian Sorensen's award had nothing whatsoever to do with any connections
he might have with the Leeds Group, nor with the large number of
duplicator stencils marked "Strathclyde Education Authority" which
recently managed to fall off the back of a lorry in Keighley.' []
### CONDYLURA ###
First Thur LONDON PUB MEETING STABILIZES -- in the Hamilton Hall bar
on Liverpool St Station, as plugged last issue. Which isn't to say that
rebel contingents are not encamped elsewhere: Turnmills (some media fans)
and the old Wellington (unspecified diehards).
16 Dec BSFA: no meeting. A new venue is planned after the 20 Jan
event at the usual V&A pub, Marylebone Station.
17 Dec LONDON XMAS MEETING at Hamilton Hall.
27 Dec-3 Jan SCIENCE FICTION, SCIENCE FACT, theme items and
events programme at the Science Museum, London. Talks 12:30 each day,
repeated 14:30, with Brian Stableford, Mat Irvine, Jack Cohen, John
Gribbin, me.... Contact 071 938 8000.
5-7 Feb
PENTATONIC (filkery), Rozel Hotel, Weston-super-Mare. []
Now #18 reg; #25 from 1 Jan. Contact: as Sou'Wester.
6 (?) Mar PICOCON 11, Imperial College Union, Prince Consort Rd,
SW7 2BB. This is all ye know on earth....
26-28 Mar TREK DWARF (oh God), Holiday Inn, Leicester. Combines,
er, something. #25 reg (#30 from 1 Jan). Contact 47 Marsham, Orton
Goldhay, Peterborough, Cambs, PE2 5AN.
8-12 Apr 93 HELICON, 44th Eastercon (+Eurocon), Hotel de France,
Jersey. Now #28 reg. Contact `Look On My Works, Ye Mighty', 63 Drake Rd,
Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ.
28-31 May MEXICON 5 (vile elitist written-sf con), Hotel St
Nicholas, Scarborough. Warning: rates rise from #18 to #20 on 10 Jan.
Contact 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH.
30 Jul-1 Aug LUNICON (Unicon 14), Leeds. #10 reg, #5 for
students. (Time to get out my antediluvian Oxford Union card again.)
Contact LUU, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 1UH.
1-3 Oct FANTASYCON XVIII, Midland Hotel, Brum. Last issue's
Stanley Rd, Morden contact address is now invalid (Mike and Di Wathen
have split up and moved). Try Peter Coleborn, 46 Oxford Rd, Acocks Green,
Birmingham, B27 6DT.
5-7 Nov NOVACON 23, Royal Angus, Brum (probably). GoH Stephen
Baxter. #20 reg; #25 after Easter. Usual address (as Mexicon). #8
supporting membership brings you all the bits of paper but not
necessarily an attending place: hotel limit is 350.
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER, 45th Eastercon, Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool.
Now #25 reg. Weary of comments about thievery at the Adelphi, Sou'Wester
plans a policy of no at-the-door memberships unless "(a)" the committee
knows you, "(b)" someone present vouches for you, "(c)" you have a good
ID (passport, driving licence -- thieves never carry these), or "(d)" you
write in advance saying `Dear Chris Bell, I am too mean to buy even a
#12.50 supporting membership but might just turn up anyway.' Contact 3
West Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ.
? May 94 INCONCEIVABLE, Derby, a second `sf humour' con. #15 reg.
Contact 12 Crich Ave, Littleover, Derby, DE23 6ES.
29-31 Jul 94 WINCON III, King Alfred's College, Winchester. #17
reg (rises after 17 April 93). Contact 12 Crowsbury Close, Emsworth,
Hants, PO10 7TS. `Ideas' theme. Cor, that rules out a lot of recent sf
and fantasy, doesn't it?
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
EVIL UNMASKED: a religious newspaper item tells how someone joined a
charismatic church and was soon `making a bonfire of his magic and
mystery books -- including expensively leather-bound Denis Wheatley and
Arthur C Clark titles.' "(Sic)" [DW]
SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA II: THE END. The hard copy and disks were finally
and utterly delivered on 16 Nov. Just a few last corrections in proof ...
`quite a deal of them, in fact, since Peter Nicholls has only now settled
down to actually "read" the fucking thing. "Yes, Peter, this is all good
and valuable stuff -- that's why I was asking you for it six months
ago."' [PB]
GAMES WORKSHOP & BOXTREE VS TRANSWORLD: the battle of `Dark Future'
(both a trademarked GW game and a kids' sf series written by Laurence
James for Transworld) has led to a great swearing of affidavits. For GW,
various authors declare with varying sincerity that they could make vast
fortunes from official GW Dark Future novels were it not for this hideous
Transworld imposture; in the opposite corner, Rog Peyton (The Expert's
Expert) is understood to aver that these game-related books are all crap
and can't be sold anyway, even by him....
R.I.P. "Elke Lacey", a children's editor at Methuen and wife of NEL
sf editor Humphrey Price, died of cancer on 10 Nov and is survived by
their son (born 8 Oct this year).
WORLD FANTASY AWARDS: NOVEL "Boy's Life", Robert McCammon; NOVELLA
`The Ragthorn', Rob Holdstock & Garry Kilworth; SHORT `The Somewhere
Doors', Fred Chappell; ANTHOLOGY "Fourth Annual Year's Best Fantasy &
Horror" ed. Terri Windling & Ellen Datlow; COLLECTION "The Ends of the
Earth", Lucius Shepard; ARTIST Tim Hildebrandt; etc, etc.
IRA TRIES TO BOMB TAFF CANDIDATE! After that failed Nov attempt on
Canary Wharf, the booby-trapped getaway car was found near Abigail
Frost's flat; she and hundreds more were evacuated in the small hours,
and given `the most horrible coffee I'd ever had.' Can this be
coincidence?
"REM", Arthur Straker's almost legendary small-press sf magazine,
celebrates its second issue in a riot of typefaces -- lots of very tiny
and/or heavy sanserif, one whole opening section in retina-wrenching
`shatter' type, Garry Kilworth's entire story in a `handwritten' face
with unindented paragraphs ... good stuff but harder going even than
"Ansible". Have the eye lotion ready and rush #1.95 to 19 Sandringham Rd,
London, NW2 5EP.
CHOCOLATE FLAVOURED POTATO CRISPS, a truly sf concept, are reputedly
on trial in Scotland/NE England. Any sightings? [YR]
C.O.A. "Jim and Linda Barker" (`Married three years! Please remind
people I'm still alive.'), 26 Campfield Street, Falkirk, FK2 7DN. "Mickey
Poland", 3 Frances Rd, Erdington, Birmingham, B23 7LD. "Jane Stableford:"
God knows. "Thyme" (Aussie sf newsletter), PO Box 222, World Trade
Centre, Melbourne, Vic 3005, Australia. "Di Wathen", 54 Sumner House,
Maddams St, Bow, London, E3 3RB (`I'm now living with Nick Reynolds --
ex "Dark They Were" and "Forbidden Planet" -- and all is wonderful!').
SO IT GOES. "UK Publisher:" We've done a reprint deal for your book,
copies now being printed, you get 50%! "My Agent:" That contract
terminated ages ago. You have no right to deal. We get 100%. "Publisher:"
Deal? What deal? Never "was" any deal....
Ansible 65 (c) Dave Langford, 1992. Thanks to Paul Barnett, Chris Bell,
Harry Bond, Abigail Frost, Steve Jones, Simon Ounsley, David Redd, Yvonne
Rousseau, Brian Stableford, Di Wathen, Dave Wood and our hero
distributors, now including THYME (Alan Stewart). ADVT: Chuck Death, ie.
my brother Jon, urges you to buy his rock cartoon epic GREAT POP THINGS
(Penguin #5.99). `This one you should actually read' -- INDEPENDENT.
3/12/92
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 66
JANUARY 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for SAEs, whim, or
(moneyed idiots only) #12 per year. ABIGAIL FROST for TAFF!
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS. To become rich enough to attend some conventions.
[] If I ever get invited to speak at the Science Museum again, to have
a very large drink before casting my polysyllables at a small audience
with a heavy six-year-old component. To pour beer over persons in ties
who demand a copy of "Ansible" and instantly crumple and discard it on
finding it's not (presumably) an insider-dealer newsletter. To
remember that there is a subtle difference between Windsor and
Winchester. To be nicer henceforth to Orson Scott Card.
### THE LATE BREAKFASTERS ###
ORSON SCOTT CARD, during his Hillcon speech [SoB], offered a sweeping
critical approach to sf which I have heard authors formulate before, but
never so nakedly. The fundamental idea is that there are "no" bad books.
Therefore there should be no bad reviews. `Those critics who are
condemning other people's work are really saying "I don't understand why
people like this. I don't understand why the writer wrote this. I don't
get it."' Any and every bad review merely indicates a "dumb critic" who
"didn't get it". Sod off if you thought you were a disappointed reader
who was short-changed by some lazy, lacklustre sf novel (not that Card
himself writes such). You're just dumb.
DAVE CARSON wishes to sell you his Lovecraftian t-shirts depicting
cuddly gods Nyarlathotep or Yog-Sothoth: #9 to Flat 10, Block J, Peabody
Estate, Horseferry Rd, London, SW1P 2EN. "Me:" `Haven't you got one of
Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat With A -- ' "DC:" `Fucked if "I" draw a
thousand young.'
NICK DANCE of Serendipity Picture Co. was outraged by that Terry
Pratchett bit ages ago on the Minehead Space Festival. `His comments
about "the arrogant film crew" are un-just, if anyone was arrogant he
was, he was well aware who we were and what we were going to film. Also,
the "outrageous disclaimer form" he refers to was just a standard
broadcast TV release form used by all the major broadcasting companies.
He was the only contributor to the documentary that would not sign the
form, everyone else, including world famous authors, scientists, artists
and special effects designers were happy to sign,' "etc, etc." Your
editor grovels at having condensed TP's phrase about the event's weird
atmosphere to `amateurish' in "Interzone", this word having vastly
offended N.Dance. TP sticks by his view of the film crew: `Maybe it had
been a long week and the natural courtesy they'd extended to the other
participants had dried up? ... Dance's letter is full of that affronted
astonishment professed by TV people when it's suggested that not everyone
likes them.'
LIONEL FANTHORPE gets about, cropping up in "The Independent"
magazine (12 Dec) as tutor of famously precocious lad James Harries
(`Only 60,000 words of homework finished this weekend, James? You "must
try harder".') and on the guest list of Orycon 15 (Portland, OR, 12-14
Nov 93, with Terry Pratchett), prompting Ben Yalow to muse on Orycon's
penchant for us `British humorist types'....
WILLIAM GIBSON's fan past keeps returning to haunt him, most
recently in xeroxes of a 1963 "Fanac" newszine containing real Gibson
cartoons and a con masquerade report with `young Bill Gibson as a priest
of the Beetle God'. Ho ho. [DH]
STEVE JONES, Britain's Mr Horror, gloats that he's one of the guests
at a vast con marking the 35th anniversary of Forrest J.Ackerman's
"Famous Monsters of Filmland" (28-30 May, Arlington, VA, USA) ... along
with such luminaries as Ray Bradbury, Robby the Robot and the star of
"Attack of the 50 Foot Woman."
CHRIS PRIEST got an unsolicited plug when the "Observer" looked back
at the Best Young British Writers promotion he featured in long ago, and
famous Julian Barnes explained: `Priest always was a chippy bugger.' An
unsold Priest book on the horrors of publishing may now be retitled
"Chippy Bugger".
MAUREEN SPELLER `upset the outgoing editor of the SFRA "[SF Research
Association]" review magazine by agreeing with Gary Westfahl's comments
on its inadequacy. I freely admit I was very disappointed with the thing
when I first received it. I wanted to get in touch with other people
interested in the study of sf, to find out what they were doing ...
instead, all we get are cruddy little reviews, often not terribly well
written.'
BRIAN STABLEFORD updates the glum report in "A65": `Oh, by the way,
Jane came back just before Christmas.'
ROGER WEDDALL, the much-loved Australian fan who made the 1992 DUFF
trip to America, died of (essentially) lymphoma on 3 December, aged 36.
`A large, gentle and mischievous bloke prone to sending postcards in the
traditionally tiny fannish script from unexpected corners of the world.'
[JH] `Roger began his fannish career in the 70s ... edited "Thyme", which
won the Ditmar for Best Fanzine of 1986 ... in 1991 Typo (residing with
Roger) won the Ditmar for Best Fannish Cat. He had known since May 1992
that he had cancer "[and had to curtail his DUFF trip to return for
treatment]".' [YR] `It has been proposed that a report of Roger's DUFF
trip should be assembled out of short contributions from all those he met
and with whom he stayed; the result would serve as a sort of memorial
booklet.' [JN]
DAVID WINGROVE contributed an awesome article to the "Daily
Telegraph" (5 Dec) explaining that poor reviews of his legendary Chung
Kuo series have a wicked common cause! `Long before this over-the-top
"[BSFA]" editorial appeared, I had been singled out by the British
science fiction field for a sin which, for many, went beyond that of the
pornographer. I was politically incorrect.' [JN] Um. I felt that some
folk were ganging up on DW even before Book 1 came out, but their point
seemed to be not so much a question of PC as that his prose was, er,
stylistically challenged.
### COURT CIRCULAR ###
`GW won their injunction against Bantam/Transworld's DARK FUTURE books,
which will now presumably be withdrawn. British justice and the English
sense of fair play triumph again!' -- writes Brian Stableford, possibly
in tones of mild sarcasm.
As "Ansible" readers know, this lawsuit arose because Games Workshop
had a game called Dark FutureTM and had published spin-off DARK FUTURE
books (mostly by Kim `Jack Yeovil' Newman) before apparently
discontinuing the game and their own book venture. Their new co-
publishing project with Boxtree starts this month, with no DF books in
the launch and none announced for later. (But on an Xmas card Ian Watson
writes: `The rest of Kim's and Brian's "[Stableford's]" books are due
subsequently.') Meanwhile Transworld have been publishing a series of
young-adult books with the overall title DARK FUTURE, by Laurence James,
which have incidentally sold a great deal better than the GW titles. GW
objected and the lawsuit was on.
The law is pretty bloody murky. There is no copyright in titles;
anyone can call their new space opera "War and Peace". (Evelyn Waugh's
title" Men at Arms" is being recycled by Terry Pratchett in a Discworld
novel even now under construction.) Nevertheless Laurence James
apparently searched Whitaker's "Books in Print" (plus the entire Essex
Library database) to check that DARK FUTURE wasn't currently in use. No
mention: it seems GW had got bored with registering books and took to
making up their own ISBN numbers instead. What about trademark
infringement? British trademark law applies to a distinctive style or
logo: anyone can write `IBM' but use of the IBM logo is strictly
controlled. The GW and Transworld DARK FUTURE books didn't look at all
alike. Transworld (said to have been very supportive of their author) had
encouraging affidavits from the Society of Authors, the Publishers'
Association and major authors. `Everyone in the book trade,' said my spy,
`realized the potential gravity of this case and absolutely everyone
rallied around from all quarters.' It was expected throughout the
publishing industry that GW's injunction would fail.
It succeeded, and early in December Transworld were duly landed with
costs of #60,000 plus instructions to get their DARK FUTURE books out of
the shops in one week.
All this was an interlocutory hearing; an appeal is expected
shortly, while the trial proper may be a year off. The charges against
Transworld were trademark infringement and `passing off'. The Deputy
Judge declined to rule on the latter, so the law remains unclarified. The
judgement on trademark infringement "appeared" to follow the line that
"(a)" the GW DARK FUTURE books all have clear TM or (R) marks on the cover
near the words DARK FUTURE (but they don't; only the GW logo on the back
has a TM mark -- and of the three Yeovil DF books here, two refer on the
copyright page only to the trademarked status of WARHAMMER, another game
altogether); "(b)" if GW had brought out a magazine called "Dark
FutureTM", and if Transworld had published its own "Dark Future" magazine,
that would have been an infringement owing to the technicalities of `A'
and `B' trademarks, of which one applies to mags and the other doesn't
(er, yes, but what have magazines got to do with it?); "(c)" for
practical purposes there is no difference between a numbered series of
books and a magazine or periodical (sickening sound of dropped jaws
across the entire publishing industry); "(d)" there was an infringement:
injunction granted.
It had earlier emerged that one cannot use as a trademark, on a
book, `any descriptive phrase'. Happily for GW but to the slight surprise
of English grammarians, DARK FUTURE was ruled not to be a descriptive
phrase.
"Ansible" does not take sides, perish the thought, and lots of sf
authors are grateful to GW for generous book advances. But the Transworld
lot are bitter about such reputed facts as that GW went into court with
a sympathy-winning attitude of `poor little firm being crushed by big
firm ... not our fault ... always wanted a compromise' after having
initially stormed on Transworld with legal guns blazing and DEMANDED the
withdrawal and destruction of all copies, no deals, no compromise; that
GW gave sworn evidence that the Boxtree launch wasn't yet going ahead
(i.e. was in peril from this wicked passing-off), only to be shown as
fibbing thanks to contradictory evidence from the great and good Rog
Peyton; above all, that if only GW had acted professionally and
registered their bloody titles in the first place this whole nonsense
would never have arisen.
Before the hearing a GW author had remarked, optimistically, that
if GW/Boxtree were to win on a platform of claimed lost sales of DARK
FUTURE books, they might feel honour-bound to publish some of the DF
epics left in limbo ever since the game was (allegedly) scrapped. We
shall see....
### CONCRESCENCE ###
"Infrequent Policy Reminder ... except on rare `Oh God, a whole column
to fill' occasions, this listing is generally confined to New, Imminent
and Significantly Changed convention entries."
20 Jan BSFA, V&A pub, Marylebone Station. Hot debate planned:
`Where Do We Move This Bloody Meeting Next?'
29-31 Jan STARBASE 93 (Trek), Hilton Hotel, Leeds. #30 reg.
Contact 152 Otley Rd, Headingley, Leeds, LS16 5JX.
5-7 Feb
PENTATONIC (filk), Rozel Hotel, Weston-super-Mare. #25
reg. Contact 3 West Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ.
28-31 May MEXICON 5, Scarborough. #18 reg, #20 "from 10 Jan". GoH
(additional): Ian McDonald and Ken Campbell, who will perform his world-
acclaimed thingy "Pigspurt". Contact 121 Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley,
B66 4SH.
1-3 Oct FANTASYCON XVIII, Brum. "Yet another" contact address:
137 Priory Rd, Hall Green, Birmingham, B28 0TG.
29-31 Jul 94 WINCON III, King Alfred's Coll, Winchester "... not
Windsor as mistyped last issue!" GoH: Algis Budrys, James Hogan. #17 reg
(goes up 17 April 93). Contact 12 Crowsbury Close, Emsworth, Hants, P010
7TS.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
`BUM STEER DEPARTMENT: Don't rush those stories to "Tomorrow"! Editor and
owner Algis Budrys, who has purchased the new magazine from the ailing
Pulphouse, is "bought up for two years".' [A Foreign Correspondent]
CLUB OF THE CRABS! A publicity pack for the new Guy N.Smith Fan Club
has shaken my very bowels. Many thrilling Smith memorabilia are offered
-- `Wow, you should see those clockwork crabs clicking and shambling, if
you've read any of Guy's Crabs series, then it's all really happening and
you'll run a mile!' The newsletter spares us the Ultimate Horror of how
much it costs; contact 59 Meriden Ave, Wollaston, Stourbridge,
W.Midlands, DY8 4QR.
R.I.P. `Peyo' (Pierre Culliford), the Belgian cartoonist creator of
the dread Smurfs, died on 24 December aged 64. [KH]
"BACK BRAIN RECLUSE" magazine now includes a `Directory' of small-
press items received and sends offprints of this section (only) to the
lucky publishers mentioned. I like the wheeze and am persuaded to do an
"Ansible 65" `Directory', consisting of this paragraph. (BBR, PO Box 625,
Sheffield, S1 3GY.)
SOCIAL WHIRL: svelte playboy "Martin Hoare" and lovely incontinence
expert "Jean Owen" plan exciting, whirlwind nuptials in a month or three.
"Ansible:" `Does this mean I have to make my famous Best Man speech a
"third" time?' "Martin:" `You said it, mate.' "Jean:" `I'm sick of being
an Owen, I've been an Owen all my life, I'd much rather be -- '
"Ansible:" `Quite.'
C.O.A. "Iain Dickson", 404 Bideford Green, Linslade, Leighton
Buzzard, LT7 7TY (`Married Lamorna Cape 26-10-92!'). "Steve & Leah
Higgins", 5 rue Charles Desvergnes, Meudon 92190, France. "Nigel Rowe",
6339 North Clark, 2nd Floor, Chicago, 60660-1216, USA, `to move in with
new wife Karen Babich'. [JN]
ME. After a huge lack of orders for my "Critical Assembly II" review
column collection, the original "Critical Assembly" (50 columns, 1987,
now revised/expanded) is back out any day now. Same price: #9 (+75p
post); #12 abroad, #15.50 airmail.
NOT HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS. "`Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!'"
is one of the useful items in Henry Beard's "Latin For Even More
Occasions." `I could do better than "that",' sniffed Hazel.
APOLOGIES to Wincon "(qv)" and, apparently, Rog Peyton, whose Great
Wrath at "A65" was rumoured but not confirmed. The only written quiz
entry was John Dallman's: `I'd guess the Xmas quiz authors are an unread
books pile; Ian Watson would be a good candidate for the next.' As
instantly guessed by all-knowing Abigail Frost, the authors were those
whose titles/quotes have been pinched to head successive "Ansible"
`people' columns. ("A65:" James White. "A66": Robert Aickman.)
"YOUR NEIGHBOUR MAY BE A SPACE ALIEN:" this traditional tabloid
story has now popped up in the USA, with `theoretical biologist Dr Thomas
Easton' telling how to spot hidden extraterrestrials by their compulsive
buying of Earth books, magazines, computers.... [RB]
Ansible 66 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Hazel (chiefly for
patience), the Anonymous Admirer, Richard Brandt, John Bark, Cuddles,
Jenny Glover (who sent, more in sorrow than in anger, some chocolate
flavoured potato crisps), Judith Hanna, David Hartwell, Kim Huett, Joseph
Nicholas, Chris Priest, Yvonne Rousseau, Shards of Babel, Ben Yalow, our
hero distributors and this issue's Noble Sponsor, David L.Russell of
Australia. Oh, and absolutely everybody who sent Xmas cards. I really
meant to get around to this myself....
7/1/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 67
FEBRUARY 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for SAEs, whim, or
(moneyed idiots only) #12/year, and supports ABIGAIL FROST for TAFF.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
DR SAMUEL JOHNSON responds to various affronted sf writers quoted in
recent "Ansible"s: `An author places himself uncalled before the tribunal
of criticism, and solicits fame at the hazard of disgrace.' Well, he
would say that, wouldn't he?
### A MISCELLANY OF MEN ###
FRANK ARNOLD (1914-87), tutelary spirit of London sf meetings since the
40s, stars in a well-researched 24pp photo-biography by Dave Rowe in
"Outworlds 65" (available for whim or $5 from Bill Bowers, PO Box 58174,
Cincinnati, OH 45258-0174, USA).
`PRINCE PATRICK EZE' of Nigeria honours "Ansible" with an effusive
letter asking for the use of its bank account to keep $30,500,000 his
`Federal Ministry' has spare, and offering 30% commission for this
service. Students of news exposes say these folks' amusing habit is to
use the requested bank details, signature and company letterhead to empty
your account. I'm most flattered to be thought worth conning....
DAVID GARNETT has a gloat: `25 years ago I invested 5/- (which isn't
25p but six pints!) in surface mailing "Mirror in the Sky" to Damon
Knight, who was Berkley's sf consultant. They made me an offer I couldn't
refuse ($1,000), and I received the contract exactly 8 weeks after
posting the MS. Those were the days.... And some people can still work
fast. Boxtree, for example. Signed my 3-book contract with them, they've
paid me, printed the books and I now have my copies: all in under a
month. I always knew it shouldn't take 12-18 months!'
JOHN GRANT raves: `TELEPHONE LINES SIZZLE ACROSS OCEAN AS AUTHOR OF
REVISION OF MAJOR REFERENCE BOOK HURLS ABUSE AT CRINGING EDITOR OVER
MONUMENTAL COCKUP! No, nothing to do with Peter Nicholls, for once. My
advance copy of the "Encyclopaedia of Walt Disney's Animated Characters"
has just arrived, and I've already noticed that jolly old Hyperion have
left in the old material on the Wuzzles and the Gummi Bears (so you now
have two roughly similar 1200-word articles within five pages) while
omitting to put in its place the new stuff on "The Prince and the
Pauper", which is totally ignored by the book. Could this be the fastest
reprint ever of a Grant title?'
DAVID HARTWELL is doing another arcane sf anthology, of Xmas stories
timed for the 1993 festivities. `By late January he sounded really
desperate for stuff,' recounts Brian Stableford.... The deadline was 31
Jan, alas. Buy my story, Hartwell!
PATRICK NIELSEN HAYDEN sends a flyer about "Nude Trek 2: The Wrath
of Klothes", the first nudist Trek convention, run by The Slugs Nudist
Club in chilly Washington State (22 Jan). Perhaps the most macabre aspect
is his covering note: `NOT A HOAX'.
KIM NEWMAN modestly notes, `I've been up an Alp at a film festival
drowning in complimentary champagne and French babes, both of which have
unadvertised down-sides.'
CHRIS PRIEST watched the recording of "The Glamour" as a BBC radio
play (dramatized by Chris himself, directed by Janet Whitaker). `I
particularly liked the recently constructed, purpose built radio drama
studio. It was a surreal place ... built to allow just about every
conceivable aural circumstance. One bit was carpeted, another had bare
boards, another flagstones, another gravel, etc. The staircase linking
the two levels has three "strips": bare wood (institutions), carpet
(houses) and stone (dungeons). There are numerous different doors to be
slammed, opened, rattled, locked. I poked around, trying to imagine what
someone would think were they to wake up in the room without knowing what
it was used for.
`I assumed radio plays were recorded with a group of actors holding
scripts and standing around one microphone. ("Ahem, only "The Archers"
is done like that!" they said as they ticked me off.) The way my lot did
it was almost like a stage play. The fight scene was meticulously
rehearsed, with all the punches and "oof" noises arranged so they were
close to microphones: several takes, with much falling over and bruising.
Bed scenes are recorded in a bed (which folds out of the wall), with
sheets! "God, if I'd known this," I said, "I'd have put in a scene in a
swimming pool." The sound man visibly paled. "We don't like swimming pool
scenes...." Nor do they like scenes in cars: too many noises that change
all the time (gears, traffic, etc) and which have to be timed to the
script. They still cut cabbages in half for beheadings ("not much call
for that these days"), but I saw no coconut shells anywhere. The sound
of a ring-pull beer can defies aural science: they had to go down to the
vending machine and buy a few cans of Coke.
`A highlight was listening to the effects people build up a car bomb
from scratch, beginning with a dynamite explosion (sounded a bit like a
door slamming), then layers added to give echo, reverberation, windows
shattering, metal lumps skidding down the road, ground juddering, windows
rattling, people screaming, alarm bells going. When this was played to
the actors, two of them ducked -- I too jumped out of my skin, and I knew
it was coming! The BBC people were so pleased with it that they put it
into the effects library. Me: "Here, that's "my" car bomb!" They: "Sorry,
squire, it's ours now."
`All lost, of course, as it squirts uselessly through the 2" speaker
on a transistor radio.... But I was awed by the manifest professionalism
and hard work of it all; felt shagged out at the end, and I was just
watching.' [CP] "Broadcast scheduled for BBC Radio 4 on Easter Monday
evening. CP is also toiling on a 3-part TV drama serial commissioned by
BBC2 and called THE CULL."
DAVID REDD is getting there slowly: `My last "New Worlds" story
submission was bounced as usual, but Dave Garnett says he is quoting part
of my covering letter in his editorial. Maybe I should forget stories and
simply write covering letters.'
GUY N.SMITH sends the vital datum not available last issue: his fan
club costs #10/year, #25/life. Members get 10% off rare GNS books,
including Polish editions -- amaze friends with the Polish for "Phobia"
("Fobia"), "The Sucking Pit" ("Trzesawisko"), "Fiend" ("Szatan") and
"Crabs on the Rampage" ("Odwet")....
### CONFRICATION ###
5-7 Feb PENTATONIC (filk), Rozel Hotel, Weston-super-Mare. #25 reg. Too
late now to do anything but Just Turn Up. Or in my case, Just Shudder And
Stay Home.
17 Feb BSFA: V&A pub on Marylebone Station, moving to the
Conservatory -- Cafe Munchen that was -- in March, with a likely change
to "2nd Wed" each month. (To be confirmed.)
6-7 Mar MICROCON, Exeter University. GoH Colin Greenland. Contact
24 Buddle Lane, Exeter, EX4 1JH. ASTONISHING DEVELOPMENT! UNPRECEDENTED
NOVELTY! DOES NOT CLASH WITH --
13 Mar PICOCON, Imperial College Union, Prince Consort Rd,
London. 10am-11pm; #5 reg. `Changed date.'
19 Mar BRITISH FANTASY SOC open night with Karl Edward Wagner:
Falkland Arms, Bloomsbury Way, WC1. 6:30pm on.
19-21 Mar ECONOMY II (Shoestringcon XIV), Hatfield. GoH Storm
Constantine. #8 reg, UH students/PSIFA members #5. Contact PSIFA, UHSU,
U of Herts, Hatfield, Herts, AL10 9AB.
26-28 Mar TREK DWARF, Swallow Hotel, Peterborough (so says the
latest, infallible "Small Fry" listing -- but the last con PR I saw
indicated a move to the Holiday Inn, Leicester. Surely they didn't move
back again?). #35 reg. Contact 47 Marsham, Orton Goldhay, Peterborough,
Cambs, PE2 5AN.
8-12 Apr HELICON, Eastercon/Eurocon, Jersey. #28 reg. Contact 63
Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ. A travel deal: `Jersey European
does return flights Gatwick/Jersey for #69/#79 depending on time of day.
4 flights a day out, 3 back -- is there a pile of planes at Jersey
airport?' [CC] "Sally-Ann Melia" demands mega-publicity for her
Helicon Writer's Circle: contact her at 11 Spinney Drive, Cheswick Green,
Solihull, B90 4HB. (`"Don't ask" how I'll manage if 13 writers arrive
speaking 13 different languages.') "Helicon Person:" `A bit of luck:
fewer people have joined than expected so we needn't print as many PRs
and have more cash in hand!' "Ansible:" `... My brain hurts.'
28-31 May MEXICON 5, Scarborough. Now #20 reg. Contact 121 Cape
Hill, Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH. PR2 with a Mexican Xmas greeting was
amusingly mailed in late January.
1-3 Oct VOCON, Hitcher con; Tollgate Hotel, Gravesend. Now #18
reg. Contact 17 Guildford St, Brighton, BN1 3LS.
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER, Eastercon, Liverpool. #20 reg. Contact 3
West Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ. Presupporters should curb
their excitement at the Jan "Brum Group News" report of an `#18.00
discount' and send #18, not #2.
Easter 94 ELYDORE, media, Guernsey. Vast package deal (plane,
hotel and registration); pay #??? by instalments. Contact `High Hopes',
La Vrangue, St Peter Port, Guernsey, C.I.
24-8 Aug 95 INTERSECTION, 53rd Worldcon, Glasgow. Rates
multifarious, with intricate discounts; new rates apply from 1 Jan, but
no figures have reached me. Contact: as Mexicon.
"Rumblings" The AUSTRALIA IN 1999 Worldcon bid feels it's too
early as yet for presupporting memberships (publicity help is preferred),
a bidding committee, a city or a hotel. To avoid favouring any plausible
venue, the `Advertising Committee' is interestingly restricted to
Faulconbridge (pop. 1500) fans and their pals. Contact them at 43 Chapman
Pde, Faulconbridge, NSW 2776, Australia. `The ANNE RICE signing at
Forbidden Planet was as popular as feared. The two-hour queue did a
triple conga line round the Conservatory, out the back door and up the
stairs. People started to read their books at the back of the queue and
had finished by the front. Even Terry Pratchett would have tipped his hat
in disbelief.' [SJ]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
CLARKE AWARD SHORTLIST for best novel of 1992: Ian McDonald, "Hearts,
Hands and Voices"; Marge Piercy, "Body of Glass"; Kim Stanley Robinson,
"Red Mars"; Richard Paul Russo, "Destroying Angel"; Michael Swanwick,
"Stations of the Tide"; Sue Thomas, "Correspondence"; Lisa Tuttle, "Lost
Futures"; Connie Willis, "Doomsday Book". (Also `bloody good but
ineligible' commendations to Karen Joy Fowler's "Sarah Canary" and M.John
Harrison's "The Course of the Heart".) Winner to be announced 25 March
at the Groucho Club, London: 6pm for 7:30pm. [DVB] All are welcome, but
take out a large bank loan if you plan to buy any drinks.
DREDD WORDS: a leak about `the new Judge Dredd series that Virgin
are starting. They're planning to launch with two titles rather than
three, having seen a synopsis and "15,000 words" of specimen text from
three authors ... one of whom, fantasist Stephen Marley, was given the
thumbs-down by Fleetway for his characterization of Dredd as a brutal,
ruthless, heartless, one-track-minded fascist bastard -- because he's
not, you see, that kind of guy at all.' The Dredd novel contracts have
an unusual "descending" royalty scale: `This is apparently because
Fleetway's percentage ascends so sharply with increased sales that
everyone else has to absorb part of it. Good pay for not reading their
own comics, eh, if their strictures on Dredd's characterization are
anything to go by....' [PB]
APOSTROPHE WATCH. It seems this `Swiss' bakery in Teignmouth has a
placard offering (wait for it) gateau'x. [YR] But the most depressing
thing I've seen in a recent fanzine is the Retired Fan Teachers'
Consensus (Derek Pickles, Terry Jeeves) that today's kids should be told
"never" to use apostrophes, as experience shows they will only use them
wrong. "[Stet 7]" Gawd.
LA FANZINE HORROR! `At last night's Los Angeles SF Soc meeting it
was announced that Loscon 19 had generated profits of over $4,000 for the
club. This after the club decided to save money by not publishing its
fanzine "Shaggy" and to cut back its newsletter "De Profundis" to
bimonthly or quarterly. Nor will any of that $4,000 be used to pay back
APA-L, which lost a working mimeograph and spirit duplicator, and other
hardware, when Robbie Cantor threw it all into a trash container. Several
hundred dollars' worth of functioning fanzine production gear are now in
some landfill in LA County.' [HA, 8 Jan]
PARENTAL LAMENT. `My daughter has just constructed her first pair
of cardboard Mr Spock ears. "Where did I go wrong?"' [DR]
HOGU AWARDS: "File 770:96" lists 1992 winners of these uncoveted
trophies, including BEST HOAX AWARD the 1992 Fanzine Hugo; BEST DEAD
WRITER William Shatner; MOST DESIRED GAFIATION Charles N.Brown; BANGER
AWARD (what?) Lionel R.Fanthorpe; INVISIBILITY AWARD "The Last Dangerous
Visions". [EW/MG]
TEN YEARS AGO -- a Californian auction featured asbestos-bound
editions of "Fahrenheit 451" and "Firestarter", though not the legendary
Complete H.P.Lovecraft bound in gorgonzola....
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: ESKIMO. "nivgornerqutigssag", something
to take away the taste of fish; "orssunguvoq", feels sick from having
eaten too much blubber; "sungarnit", the intestines of the ptarmigan;
"pingortorpoq", unlucky in throwing the harpoon; "qavak", man from the
south -- frequently used to denote stupidity; "suingne!" how it smells
of foxes here! ("Schultz-Lorentzen Dictionary of W.Greenland Eskimo
Language", 1927.)
CLARKE'S LAW REVISED: `Any technology distinguishable from magic is
insufficiently advanced.' [Jeff Swycaffer, "F770:96"]
DARK FUTURETM: the "A66" report on the legal battle over this title
brought outraged responses.... "Abigail Frost:" `Boring, "boring"!' []
"Kim Newman:" `I feel mildly guilty since I was the one who mentioned the
coincidence "[of titles]" to GW and Boxtree; I assumed they'd just change
the title of our series and grumble a bit.... Incidentally: I've never
liked the title much, and I've always felt that the books were hamstrung
rather than helped by the games tie-in. My suggestion is that a duly
sworn-in jury of literary critics and young adults sit down and read both
series then judge who should yield, the loser being stuck with the DARK
FUTURE title and the winner able to go ahead with something more
imaginative. If ever there was an overused word in the genre it's "dark",
which gets scattered about as much as "space" and "time" used to in the
Gernsback days.... If Kafka were writing today, he'd have called it "The
Dark Castle".' "Laurence James:" `The judgment reminds me of the
infamous Schleswig-Holstein issue. Which I'm sure you'll recall was so
complex that only three men ever understood it. One went mad, one is dead
and the third has forgotten....' "David Garnett" corrected me sternly:
`The GW books "do" have genuine ISBN numbers; where they went wrong was
not having the titles listed in "Books in Print". And it was always
planned that GW/Boxtree would relaunch the DARK FUTURE books.
[Originally] they intended to start the WARHAMMER line in January (now
February) and DARK FUTURE in August -- it was the launch of the latter
which was under threat because of the Transworld series.... The only
people who have anything to gain by the court case are, as always, the
lawyers. Between them, Bantam/Transworld and GW have spent the best part
of #100,000 in legal fees. And how much can B/T have paid Laurence James
for his series?' "Boxtree" announced a GW books launch piss-up in
Oxford next week. And "Protostellar" magazine raged, `You utter sad
case, you've stolen our GW vs Transworld scoop -- just who the heck do
you think you are?' []
Ansible 67 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Harry Andruschak, Paul
Barnett, David V.Barrett, Chris Cooper, Abigail Frost, Mike (File 770)
Glyer, Steve Jeffery, John Julius Norwich, Shadwell Oman, Chris Priest
(lots), David Redd, Yvonne Rousseau, Elst Weinstein and Our World-
Spanning Hero Distributors.
4/2/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 68
MARCH 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for SAEs, whim, or
(wealthy idiots only) #12/year. Vote early, vote often: ABIGAIL FROST for
TAFF!
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
### SIDEWAYS THROUGH BORNEO ###
STEPHEN BAXTER boldly went to the GW/Boxtree launch party (Dillons,
Oxford, 10 Feb): `The lead authors gave brief talks and answered
questions from a tolerant audience. D.Ferring told us how he'd taken all
the jokes out of the Konrad books, J.Yeovil told us how the lead in
"Drachenfels" is based on Orson Welles, and I.Watson told us how war-
gaming dates back to H.G.Wells in 1913, and went on to explain to the
startled gathering that WARHAMMER fiction has a certain integrity because
-- just as in the Warhammer game -- for most of history humanity has been
driven by mass psychoses based on power fantasies. "Yes, but look on the
bright side!" we all cried.'
DON HERRON reports from death's door: `I may have been the last
person to see the poet and film critic Margo Skinner (Mrs Fritz Leiber
the 2nd) alive. After a short hospitalization, she died Jan 13th from
lung cancer. A month earlier Jeanne and I had stopped into her apartment,
where she told us of her wishes for burial, which involved having her cat
Lulu cremated with her. In the elevator, this dialogue ensued: JEANNE:
"Uh, did I hear right? She is going to have her cat killed and cremated
with her?" ME: "Yeah, you know, the Viking funeral thing." The folk
handling her estate, however, have decided against this plan, so I can
report to "Ansible" that Margo's and Lulu's ashes will "not" be mixed
with some from Fritz's urn, and will "not" then, according to Margo's
plan, be interred in a pet cemetery in Marin County. JEANNE: "And she
wants to be buried in a pet cemetery???" ME: "Well, sure -- you know
Margo."'
KIM HUETT has a modest proposal. `Avedon "["you will have to die!"]"
is being a little harsh. Rather than go to such extremes if you win any
more Hugos, I would prefer it if the assembled fans at the pub just
pointed their fingers at you and chanted "Geis, Geis, Geis" for a couple
of hours....'
KEITH LAUMER died on 23 January, aged 67.
STEPHEN MARLEY (see "A67") `rewrote his 15,000 sample words to
feature the new, cuddly Judge Dredd ("Take "that!", er, please, ma'am")
and has been signed up for the third Dredd novel after all.' [JG] But we
hear negotiations got fraught when the full tininess of the `generous'
advance was revealed. Spies claim there is a further agonizing choice:
accept the amazing Dredd descending royalty scale or take a (somewhat
increased) flat fee and kiss your rights goodbye....
SCOTT MEREDITH, legendary sf literary agent, died in New York on 11
Feb. He was 69. The "Independent" obituary claimed that one British
author had laughed riotously at the news, while another said `Good!' Whom
can they possibly mean?
CHARLES PLATT reveals in "SF Eye" that he (like Greg Benford) plans
to have his head frozen and cryonically stored for a glorious future
wakening. Certain authors have been `imagining the reactions of the
resuscitated Platt and Benford when they realize they were interesting
only for having lived at the same time as that Great Writer, Ursula Le
Guin....' [YR]
MAUREEN SPELLER has overdosed on fantasy proofreading: `The author,
an American, had a curious style. Tootling along in the usual sub-archaic
mode, you'd come across comments like "It's just something cultural", in
reference to a tribe's habit of giving a child a new name at a certain
age.... Not a verb, subject or object was allowed to escape without more
than its fair share of adjectivery and adverbiage. And the author had a
habit of making passive states active. It's amazing the way emotions were
flying around, assaulting people in the most unlikely places at the most
unlikely moments. They did a lot of spiralling down, as I recall -- a
phrase which now enters Speller's Guide to Spotting Naff Fantasy,
lovingly dedicated to Tom Deitz and Charles de Lint, the other two major
research sources so far.... Giveaway phrases in modern fantasies are
"snagged" and "slathered". If people "snag" things rather than picking
them up, as do we less imaginative but more practical mortals, this is
one sign that you have a naff fantasy on your hands. The bulk of my
opprobrium is saved for "slather". I just know, the moment someone in a
novel slathers their food with something, that I'm going to hate this
story. Perhaps it is the similarity to "lather" ... visions of bubbly
mustard or butter being shovelled on to food is more than this stomach
can bear.'
LUCY SUSSEX wrote on the back of an obscene postcard: `More on
Brother Orson "[Card]" -- in a belated "F&SF" review of Aussie George
Turner's "Brainchild", he complained that the novel was too Australia-
centric! Also, he couldn't believe that the research in the book (which
takes place in good old Aussie labs) could possibly occur outside of the
US of A. George wrote back to say that many US technologies are based on
research done by Australia's very own CSIRO. No reply as yet....'
### CONDITE ###
LONDON FIRST-THURSDAY MEETINGS. Enough. As fannish turn-out declines, the
steady drop in "Ansible"'s required print run is fine for my bank account
... but even tolerant Langford can no longer stand that hideous crush at
the Hamilton Hall Permanent Beer Promotion. In February, pink flyers
urged an instant move to the Florence Nightingale, 199 Westminster Bridge
Rd. Other fans mutter of regrouping at the old Wellington, now revamped
with the same total area but 1/3 of it a wine bar with its own street
entrance. Yet others are seeking the Ideal venue lurking among the
Platonic Forms ("Bernie Peek:" `We've already rejected better places than
the Nightingale!'). Those based in Reading can only say they'd prefer
even a mildly unsuitable pub to the present bloody impossible one. 5
MARCH ADDENDUM! On 4 March a new Hamilton Hall atrocity (closing the
whole `fan bar' for a private party) led to a clear vote for return to
the Wellington in April. For new readers: this pub is opposite the Old
Vic exit from Waterloo Station.
6-7 Mar MICROCON, Exeter University Union. GoH Colin
Takebackplenty. Contact 24 Buddle Lane, Exeter, EX4 1JH.
10 Mar (and "2nd Wed" of month henceforth) BSFA, upstairs bar,
The Conservatory (Cafe Munchen), St Giles High St. Speaker: Mary Scott
of "Nudists May Be Encountered" fame.
13 Mar PICOCON, Imperial College Union, Prince Consort Rd,
London. GoH Colin Thatmanagain. 10am-10pm; #5 reg.
19 Mar BRITISH FANTASY SOC open night with Karl Edward Wagner:
Falkland Arms, Bloomsbury Way, WC1. 6:30pm on.
19-21 Mar ECONOMY II (Shoestringcon XIV), Hatfield. GoH Storm
Constantine. #8 reg, UH students/PSIFA members #5. Contact PSIFA, UHSU,
U of Herts, Hatfield, Herts, AL10 9AB.
25 Mar CLARKE AWARD presentation, Soho Room, Groucho Club, Dean
St, London. 6pm for 7:30pm. All welcome.
26-8 Mar ACTION 93 (Trek), Shepperton Moat House. #30-#40 reg.
Contact 12 Saville Cres, Ashford, TW15 1SX.
8-12 Apr HELICON, Eastercon/Eurocon, Jersey. #28 reg. Contact 63
Drake Rd, Chessington, Surrey, KT9 1LQ.
30 Apr WEDDING OF THE CENTURY! Jean Owen and Martin Hoare, `if
I find that copy of the decree absolute...' [MAH]
24 Jul DANGERCON V (humorous sf/kids' TV), Croydon. #3 reg. 11am-
11pm. Contact 37 Keens Rd, Croydon, CR0 1AH.
2-6 Sep CONFRANCISCO (51st Worldcon), San Francisco: rates rise
from $110 to $125 on 1 Apr. ($25 supporting-only.) For sterling rates,
contact 12 Stannard Rd, London, E8 1DB.
10-12 Sep STO-CON-TRENT (roleplaying), Keele Univ. #15 reg to
Easter. Contact 12b Sprowston Rd, Norwich, NR3 4QN.
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER, Eastercon, Liverpool. #25 reg, #23 for
paid-up presupporters. Contact 3 West Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6
6SZ. "(Last issue I forgot the rates had risen. Sorry.)"
24-8 Aug 95 INTERSECTION, 53rd Worldcon, Glasgow. At last, the
1993 rates: #50, with Presupporter/`Friend'/Voter bargains ... P #45, V
#35, PV #30, F #15, FP #10, FV/FPV free. #15 supporting (P #10, F/V
free). "P and F discounts cease on 30 Apr 93" (Fs become plain-vanilla
supporters); other rates OK to 15 Sep. [TI] Contact: 121 Cape Hill,
Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH.
"Rumblings" News from BOSKONE: `Tim Illingworth "bought a round!"
Oh, and Boston might be dropping their 1998 Worldcon bid -- the rumour
is they've lost the Sheraton Hotel to a conference of gynaecologists or
something.' [MAH]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
SECRETS OF PUBLISHING. "Editor:" I'll be back with an offer tomorrow!
"New, Accountant-Driven Hodder Costing System:" Not so fast. Every
costing (be it the new Jeffrey Archer hardback -- as it won't be any
longer -- or 15,000 copies of a #3.99 paperback original) must now
include a blanket #5,000 for `overheads'. "Prospective Author:" Bloody
hell, after mark-up that's over #1.65 of the said paperback cover price,
not much below the unit production cost of the book! It'll have to be
priced at #4.99, just like most paperbacks these days. "Dynamic Hodder
Sales People:" Sorry, squire, #3.99 is the ceiling. "Editor:" Sorreee....
FORWARD THE FOUNDATION: at a final meeting on 4 Feb the SF
Foundation Council voted itself into oblivion, with effect as soon as
`Friends of Foundation' achieve charitable status and Take Over. The
SFF's new home Liverpool University is hiring an assistant librarian as
administrator of the sf collection. Though urged to publicize this career
opportunity, I note the deadline (CV and 3 referees essential) is
tomorrow, 5 March....
RESEARCH YOUR MARKET: `"Critical Wave", which has never published
prose or poetry....' [Steve Green, "CW29"]
TIME WARP. Chris Priest is bemused by the letter column of the
latest "Asimov's". `All the letters are headed with "Dear Dr Asimov". Are
they all old letters? Are they all from cretins? Or does the magazine put
the salutations on, like a communist regime refusing to admit the old
leader is really dead?'
TAFF DEATH RACE: gosh, the tension! M.Ashley offers the well-tested
`Vote for me, I'm ill' ploy. T.Berry was denounced in the USA as a fraud
for claiming to be a founder of Frank's APA (er, there's been more than
one Frank's). A.Watkins took a vow of silence and A.Frost is toying with
local politics. Nigel Richardson analyses the issues for MA: `All [Abi]
has to do is state in her platform that she's female, single,
heterosexual, has a posh voice and a couple of short, clingy dresses, and
you're history. But she'll probably rave on about John Clute, Polish
parliamentary reform in the 18th century and Lloyd George's underpants
instead.' ("Saliromania 9")
PSYCHIC VIBES: Damien Broderick of "The Lotto Effect" fame ("A65")
mutters about incurring `the predictable derision of all great minds'
with this psi study, and complains that our informant Yvonne Rousseau
failed to mention having helped by reading an early draft, or that her
hubby John Foyster, `who now sees right through it all, originally
suggested that I look at the Lotto data as a natural experiment on psi
claims ... Foyster, who does know a lot of stats, suggested a non-psi
explanation for part of my results but got very sour around the bile-
emitting organ when I mentioned that his terrific insight actually seems
to "support" a paranormal interpretation.'
LATERAL THINKING: fans completing the recent BSFA "Matrix" Crossword
#5 noticed a haunting similarity between their answers and the purported
Crossword #4 solution just opposite....
C.O.A. "Foundation" (editorial), Edward James, Univ of York, The
King's Manor, York, YO1 2EP. "Foundation" (business) & "Friends of
Foundation", c/o New Worlds, 71-2 Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0AA. "SF
Foundation" (& "Foundation" reviews), c/o Special Collections, Liverpool
Univ Library, PO Box 123, Liverpool, L69 3DA. "Oliver & Jacky Gruter-
Andrew", 13 St Cloud's Rd, Auckland Hill, West Norwood, SE27 9PN. "Second
Foundation", c/o Special Collections, Imperial Library, Trantor.
WORK IN PROGRESS. "Rob Hansen" is toiling on "Then #4", his history
of 1970s British fandom, packed with nostalgia and once-awesome names
like Leroy Kettle, Peter Roberts, Joy Hibbert.... "Don Herron" bribes
me with "Selected Letters of Philip K.Dick: Vol 4 1975-6" (Underwood-
Miller $39.95), which he edited -- ace stuff. Tim Powers's introduction
relates how PKD found he had the power to forgive sins: `How many people
have you absolved?' `Well, none, Powers. Today I've decided I was
mistaken, and yesterday you weren't home, and when I called Jeter he got
huffy and said he didn't want his sins forgiven. ... So I just forgave
my cats' sins.' "Chris Priest" is writing the biography of UK
astronaut Helen Sharman.
UPDATETM! Rumour has it that Games Workshop have been serving writs
on distributors and bookshops (including Waterstones) who still handled
the Laurence James DARK FUTURETM titles in defiance of the injunction
against ... well, actually, only against their publishers (Transworld,
whose appeal comes to court next week). Meanwhile Brian Aldiss is
reportedly not best pleased that his "GreybeardNot TM" title is being
pinched for a new P.D.James novel from Faber -- who published the
original Aldiss book but appear to have forgotten.
"MILLION" magazine has (alas) dropped in circulation to 2,000.
BUMPER STICKERS. Never thought I'd see a good twist on the `I
[Heart] New York' theme, but recently I came across `I [Spade] My Cat'.
### THE CAUCUS-RACE ###
NEBULAS: the novel shortlist consists of "A Million Open Doors" (John
Barnes), "Sarah Canary" (Karen Joy Fowler), "China Mountain Zhang"
(Maureen F.McHugh), "A Fire Upon the Deep" (Vernor Vinge), "Doomsday
Book" (Connie Willis) and "Briar Rose" (Jane Yolen). [AP/"SFC"] []
P.K.DICK AWARD nominations are "Take Back Plenty" (Colin Ubiquitous),
"Through the Heart" (Richard Grant), "AEstival Tide" (Elizabeth Hand),
"Iron Tears" (R.A.Lafferty) and "In the Mothers' Land" (Elisabeth
Vonarburg). CLARKE AWARD. The official release called "Sarah Canary"
and M.John Harrison's "The Course of the Heart" `ineligible', but judge
Maureen Speller disagrees. `They weren't chosen, is all, but were liked
by enough people to make it worth an honourable mention. For someone who
makes his living as a freelance writer, David V.Barrett "[the Clarke
administrator]" sure has trouble with the language sometimes.' Current
backstage wrangling concerns Maurice Goldsmith of the Science Policy
Foundation (what does this actually "do"?), who seems grimly determined
to stay a Clarke judge in perpetuity while others rotate out of office
as per the rules.... BSFA AWARDS. Novels are "Hot Head" (Simon Ings),
"Hearts, Hands & Voices" (Ian McDonald), "Red Mars" (Kim Stanley
Robinson), "Lost Futures" (Lisa Tuttle) and "Doomsday Book". Shorts, all
but one from "Interzone": `Priest of Hands' (Storm Constantine),
`Reification Highway' (Greg Egan), `The Sculptor' (Garry Kilworth),
`Returning' (Ian McLeod), `Innocents' (Ian McDonald, "New Worlds 2") and
`The Coming of Vertumnus' (Ian Watson). Artwork, all covers: "Hearts,
Hands & Voices" (Jim Burns), "Kaeti on Tour/IZ66" (ditto), "IZ65" (Mark
Harrison), "IZ58" (SMS) and "Doomsday Book" (an NEL `Sod Off, We're Not
Crediting A Mere Artist' special). Dramatic presentation: "Insufficient
Votes to Warrant an Award" (directed by Roger Corman). Martin Hoare adds:
`I hear the BoSFA aren't holding their AGM or presenting their awards at
Helicon. Going to be Mexicon instead. Maybe they'd heard what we were
going to do -- schedule the AGM "and" award presentation against each
other at 10:00am on Sunday!' Quoth the BSFA: `Once again: we can't hold
company AGMs on Jersey because of its offshore status.' Tra la. []
Ansible 68 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Paul Barnett, CRITICAL
WAVE, John Grant, Martin Hoare's E-Mail Link, Kim Huett (credit by
request: `Ansible's Keeper of Those Exotic Rubber Extras'), Tim
Illingworth, Andy `Mad Faxman' Porter, Chris Priest, Yvonne Rousseau, SF
CHRONICLE, Maureen Speller and Our World-Spanning Hero Distributors.
4/3/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 69
APRIL 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for SAEs, whim, or (idiots
only) #12/year. Amazing final offer: vote ABIGAIL FROST for TAFF!
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
DATELINE 1 APRIL 1993. Tim Illingworth announces that owing to Channel
Islands `fish war' disruptions, Helicon is moving to a more desirable
hotel in Leeds. "Interzone" makes a bid for the mass market by
introducing Page Three nudes, beginning with Anne McCaffrey. David
Wingrove complains to the BSFA that his new Chung Kuo volume was obtusely
reviewed and unfairly over-praised. Twenty-five years after the
acceptance of its first story, "The Last Dangerous Visions" appears. []
John Clute writes an entire review in monosyllables ("sard, pyx, brott,
quop, storge, tath" ...). "Ansible" finally achieves an error-free
issue, and so does "Cirtical Waev". []
### THE REVELLING PRINCELINGS ###
BRIAN ALDISS was first to hope that "Ansible" #"soixante-neuf" would be
`an extra sexy issue'. See our attached erotic microdot.
JOHN BRUNNER's trip to Helicon as GoH met with a problem. The Home
Office took charge of his wife Li Yi's passport last October and were
still sitting on it in March. JB's fear was that Li Yi, as a Chinese
immigrant, might just be queried and not re-admitted to the mainland. But
(after a small campaign of letters from fellow-authors and fans) all is
now well....
PAUL BARNETT can match Maureen Speller's proofreading stories in
"A68:" `In a single story by Alan Brennert for "New Stories from the
Twilight Zone" we find a pre-Colombian Indian priest who's familiar (by
name) with Stoicism and whose culture is familiar with chorales. His
religion is based on the ethical precepts of Christianity. Meanwhile, in
the modern age, we have a man at the point of death realizing that it's
"time to pay the piper", though quite why he should want to call the tune
at that moment is not explained. Perhaps to take his mind off the fact
that he's seeing a babble of voices.... Another Brennertism: "Eyes
closed, images raced through his mind."
`As Peter Nicholls has suddenly backed out, I am to be drafted as
his "Encyclopaedia"-promoting clone at Helicon. "Yes," I protested
weakly, "but can I cope with all the casual sex?"'
HARLAN ELLISON is said to be visiting Britain in connection with a
TV programme being made about him. Spurred on by helpful John Clute, the
TV company repeatedly begged Chris Priest to appear and be controversial.
`This is an eleven foot bargepole request,' quoth CP, preparing to
afflict Mr Clute with `a telephonically transmitted psychic death-
ray'.... After Helicon decided it already had enough guests, the 1995
Intersection committee took up HE's offer of a Helicon appearance if his
expenses were paid. However, Barry R.Levin's book catalogue, mailed 18
Mar, announces: `At the time of this writing, Harlan Ellison is faced
with the prospect of open heart surgery.' Some people worry that an
agenda involving both a 5,000-mile flight and a imminent dash to hospital
for life-saving surgery is rich in what sf critics call Cognitive
Dissonance.
PATRICK NIELSEN HAYDEN reveals all: `What became of "Alternate
Skiffy" is the common problem of small-press projects: I was out of
commission for weeks due to quitting smoking, Mike "[Resnick]" went to
Africa, I got sick again, Mike was tangled up in lawyers.... Since our
agreement with giant Wildside Press calls for us to get paid on delivery
of a MS, we need to get those (several) delinquent contributors to finish
their bits, then get everyone's penny a word to them....'
GARRY KILWORTH's story `The Sculptor' topped the 1992 "Interzone"
reader poll, as did Mark Harrison's cover for "IZ65", Martin McKenna's
interior art and ... `Ansible Link' (nonfiction). [DP]
MAUREEN F.MCHUGH won the James Tiptree Jr award for `gender-
expanding sf' with her novel "China Mountain Zhang".
LEIGH PRIEST (Kennedy) acquired British citizenship by taking what
I didn't know we Brits had -- our Oath of Allegiance....
DAVID PRINGLE was `astonished' to discover that some fans are still
anti-"Interzone" thanks to its initial funding (profits from the 1981
Eastercon, Yorcon II). No complaints about this ever reached "him"....
`What I am aware of, though, is a sniping campaign against the magazine
which has been mounted over the years by various BSFA "worthies" (Kev
McVeigh is an egregious example), a campaign which has consisted of
constant damning with faint praise, nudge-nudge snide remarks, assertions
that "everybody knows" this or that or the other about the magazine,
implications that the fiction we publish is generally below par (without
ever being specific about which stories they have in mind), and so on.
Chris Reed of "BBR" has added his voice to this low-level sniping ... but
of course he's an "envious rival" and hence has an obvious motive. For
the most part, I haven't let it bother me -- though after seeing a
belittling comment about "Interzone" by old-time fan Terry Jeeves in a
"Vector" letter column, I said to myself, "I bet he hasn't seen the
magazine since issue one," and sent him a recent copy. Sure enough, he
kindly wrote back saying that he hadn't looked at the magazine in over
ten years and that, yes, it was now a much better publication than he had
expected.' [DP]
IAN WATSON, golden boy of UK sf, is 50 on 20 April.
### CONYGER ###
LONDON MEETINGS. In March a new Hamilton Hall atrocity (closing the `fan
bar' for a private party) led to a clear vote for return to the
Wellington. For new readers: this pub is opposite the Old Vic exit from
Waterloo Station. First Thur each month.
3 Apr SF FOUNDATION `farewell to London' gathering, upstairs bar
of The Conservatory (see BSFA below). All welcome.
8-12 Apr HELICON, Eastercon/Eurocon, Hotel de France, Jersey. #35
at the door or #10/day (#5 on Thur and Mon). Owing to insanity I am
editing the convention newsletter; part-time typists and suppliers of hot
gossip are eagerly sought.
14 Apr BSFA, The Conservatory, St Giles High St, London.
(Tottenham Ct Rd tube.) Sf discussion; all welcome, no fee.
16-18 Apr SMOFCON 10, con-runners' con, as Helicon.
30 Apr-3 May WARP ONE (Trek), Morecambe. #30 reg. Contact 9
Merlin Cres, Edgeware, Middlesex,, HA8 6JB.
28-31 May MEXICON 5, Scarborough. #20 reg. Contact 121 Cape Hill,
Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH.
30 Jul-1 Aug LUNICON (Unicon 14), Leeds U, announces Roger
Zelazny as chief GoH. #12 reg (price rise threatened; no details of
when). Contact LUU, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 1UH.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
CLARKE AWARD ... in a slightly shambolic (it says here) ceremony, the
#1,000 cheque went to Marge Piercy for "Body of Glass", with Kim Stanley
Robinson's "Red Mars" as runner-up. `Not awfully good,' complained Roz
Kaveney of the winner. `People were giving the judges very dirty looks.
Of course the prime idiocy was not shortlisting "Sarah Canary"....' Award
boss David Barrett observes: `Seems this was a shock decision --
apparently there was a lot of muttering. One editor actually got very
shirty with me -- though he probably didn't know I wasn't a voting judge.
But it was an overwhelmingly clear decision by the judging panel.' David
Garnett claims: `At least 3 sf publishers [are] planning a future boycott
after this year's baffling result.' Secret sources confirm the decision
was near-unanimous, the Piercy being the first choice for five voting
judges and second for the sixth. Apparently most of those who complained
and felt Stan Robinson was cruelly wronged had not read "Body of Glass".
Nor me -- hence Massive Impartiality.
APOSTROPHE WATCH. Erstwhile `quality' imprint Picador says of Jim
Crace's "Arcadia:" `... a celebration of the city, it's energy, it's
optimism, it's scale and it's capacity to re-generate itself despite the
deprivations which flourish in it's secrets.'
DUFF: US fans Dick & Leah Smith won 1993's Down Under Fan Fund race
to Swancon in Perth, Australia, this Easter.
LITERARY BIT. An unexpected note from Somerset Maugham (who appears
to live in Harrow these days) points out some prophetic phrases in his
1923 "On a Chinese Screen". Such as: `"I don't much care for all these
Chinese things meself," answered my hostess briskly, "but Mr Wingrove's
set on them." ... "Mr Wingrove won't hear a word against the Chinese,"
said his wife, "he simply loves them."' Etc, etc.
WHO? `Is UK Dr Who fandom as pissed off as in Canada? There's a fair
number of Whozits here, plus a major club with chapters all over the
continent. Because the Beeb won't commit to any more episodes, the fans
are at each other's throats here, sniping, feuding, bitching, libelling
and slandering. They want other local conventions to bring in Who actors,
totally unmindful of the fact that it costs more than just petty cash to
bring a Doctor or companion across the Atlantic....' [LP]
GROUPIES! `Leeds Group has met up "once" this year, I think, unless
you consider Steve Glover turning up every Friday, looking around and
then going home a meeting. Sad innit?' [NER]
ANNOUNCEMENTS. "Paul Kincaid & Maureen Speller" will marry on 26
June. "Tommy Ferguson" wishes to grovel to John D.Rickett and Neil
Curry for helping organize his recent three-week London visit (undertaken
solely in order to bribe "Ansible" with beer to print this item). []
"Barbara & Hugh Mascetti" gloat over their offspring Julia ("b."
25/2/93). `So what's this rumour about Gollancz dropping the graphic
novels line?' we asked. "Richard Evans", bitterly: `Those "usually
reliable sources," eh?' Further comment did not follow. "Critical
Assembly I & II:" both hefty volumes of legendary Langford sf review
columns are now available at #9.00 each (#9.75 UK mail). "C.O.A.
"Rhodri James, 18 Harvey Goodwin Ave, Cambridge, CB4 3EU.
LONDON BOOK FAIR. `Not a vast amount happened, since editors were
noteworthy by their absence; the stands were populated almost exclusively
by sales/rights people (ALL WITH FUCKIN BOUFFANT HAIR-DOS, thundered
Clute after visiting on Monday, COSTIN TWENTY FUCKIN QUID EACH, PAID FOR
OUT OF THE MONEY THOSE BASTARDS AREN'T PAYIN ME).' [PB]
FIRST EDITION FEVER. Fanatical collectors who fell madly on `special
limited first editions' of recent Stephen King novels are a bit pissed
off to learn that the cheapo British book club versions of "Gerald's
Game" and "Dolores Claiborne" are also the true world firsts ... the
latter by just one day. Ho ho. [BRL]
NUMEROLOGY. Overhearing a call to Fred Clarke, our spy was
fascinated when the answering machine announced, `You have reached
Bishop's Lydeard 2001.' Gosh, vanity phone numbers.
THAT LAWSUIT: the Games Workshop/Boxtree injunction against further
Transworld sales of Laurence James's DARK FUTURETM titles was upheld on
appeal in March.
1,000,000 PESETAS: the Universitat Politecnica de Catalunya's annual
sf prize is offered once again, for 75-100pp stories in English, French,
Spanish or Catalan. Closing date 30 Aug. SAE to "Ansible "for a copy of
the lengthy rules.
BUMPER STICKERS. Good taste exemplar John Foyster trumps the Heart
and Spade versions with `I [Club] Baby Seals'. "Thank" you, John.
### SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA II ###
What an achievement! There's never been anything like it in science
fiction! Yes, after countless lesser authors had failed, John Clute has
achieved the amazing feat of getting credit on the front cover of a
collaboration involving Peter Nicholls.
The second edition of "The Encyclopaedia of SF" (Orbit) is pretty
good too. Statistics: 1,370 pages plus prelims. About 1,300,000 words
(the 1979 edition ran to only 730,000). Over 4,360 entries (formerly
2,800). Over 2kg on the internationally accepted Langford Bathroom Scale.
One picture, on the jacket (formerly lots). 2.5" thick. Price #45.00, and
worth it for the brilliant entries on "Ansible" and its editor alone, not
to mention kindly `contributing editor' Brian Stableford's habit of
cross-referencing everything to my and his "The Third Millennium" if not
"The Science in Science Fiction". (`GIANT MUTANT SPACE GOATS,' a typical
theme entry might run, `are notably not predicted by David LANGFORD and
Brian STABLEFORD in ...') On the other hand, I gather that Roz Kaveney
was incensed to find no cross-reference from her entry to -- her own
coinage -- BIG DUMB OBJECTS. My lawyers have advised me not even to
smile.
The Nicholls and Stableford encyclopaedic virtues are already well
known. New boy Clute has subdued his famous critical flourishes for
hordes of classy new and rewritten author entries (2900+ ... formerly
1817). There is a supporting cast of thousands; I unexpectedly found my
own initials on two entries, as a reward for suggesting trifling
improvements.
This thing has been years on the road ... as occasional computer
adviser I remember the initial horror of discovering that the carefully
preserved disks containing the full text of the first edition were
obsolete eight-inch floppies whose format made sense only to Granada
typesetting machines long since scrapped -- I kept hoping to track one
down in a museum, but no luck. After all the professionals had failed to
crack the code, Macdonald had the whole lot rekeyed and great oaths were
sworn that "this time" usable disks would be maintained forever. The
subsequent publishers Little, Brown, after being anxiously reminded of
this for months and responding with countless soothing noises (`Don't
bother your tiny editorial heads -- we've got it all sussed!'), recently
discovered to their embarrassment that all the enormously many final
proof corrections had been entered only on the typesetter's disks, which
can't be read back into the IBMs used by our hero editors. This came to
light exactly as the text was urgently needed for the coming Nimbus CD-
ROM edition. The only thing we learn from history....
(It's not that black. Disk translation services can tackle the job
this time around, requiring only vast sums of money. Or Nimbus can
merrily plug all the galley and page-proof corrections back into the disk
text. `Shouldn't take too long,' they said breezily. "Ace Technical
Editor John Grant:" `Have you "seen" the proofs yet?' "Nimbus Person,
After Long Pause:" `Er, no.')
Review it? No thanks -- I'm still shagged out from skimming the
whole thing on disk and selflessly passing all my nitpicks to the editors
instead of saving them up for a trenchant critical article. After a
week's dipping into the final production, I've located only a dozen or
so minor slips, and only two of which I can say: `I "Told" You So, You
Should Have Listened To Me!' Let me register just 0.05 of a whinge at the
creased pages and groups of pages in my copy, admittedly a complimentary
one. ("The Plain People of Fandom:" `You lucky bastard.')
Of course this immediately becomes "the" indispensable sf reference,
a fitting replacement at last for the 1979 edition. Buy it, buy it, buy
it. What I tell you three times is true. []
Ansible 69 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Brian Aldiss, Paul Barnett,
John Brunner, Abigail Frost, David Garnett, Helicon, Barry R.Levin, Lloyd
Penney, Mark Plummer, David Pringle, Nigel E.Richardson, SF CHRONICLE,
and Our Hero Distributors. `One by one, food and alcohol overcame the
revelling princelings....'
1/4/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 78
JANUARY 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU.
Fax 0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. "Ansible" may be had whimsically or
for stamped addressed envelopes (1/copy).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP
in multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful.
So it goes. DRL]
HAPPY NEW YEAR! ... despite far too many glum news items.
### THE ODIOUS ONES ###
DEBORAH BEALE insists that 99% of all sf gossip about her and
Charon Wood's exit from Millennium is Greatly Exaggerated. No
bust-up with the management, no Orion Group financial trouble,
etc. But: `This is an industry that puts particularly harsh
pressures on its staff.... We just came to a point where the
disadvantages far outweighed the benefits. We had a blast, but
it isn't a career that can offer us what we want any more.'
GERALD LAWRENCE appointed himself "Ansible"'s Saudi Arabian
Affairs Correspondent in time for Chr*stm*s fun: `Christmas cards
are illegal. Hell, Christmas is illegal. There's a black market
in Christmas trees. Seriously! Now that it's getting cold, the
"[locals]" have started wearing anoraks over their thobes which
makes them look a little peculiar. It's an even odder experience
to have one of these strange figures -- thobe, guptra, and grubby
anorak -- sidling up to you, looking each way to make sure there
aren't any matawahs around, and then saying (in "feelthy
postcards?" tones): "Psst -- you wanna buy Creesmas tree very
good very cheap?".'
PATRICK NIELSEN HAYDEN retorts: `Stephen Jones's nasty
remarks about Steven Brust's World Fantasy Con programming
("A77") can, rumour has it, be traced to Brust's failure to suck
up to various extremely important WFC personages not entirely
dissimilar to Stephen Jones. We have to appreciate the skill with
which Jones knifes Brust as "he of the dragon books", a phrase
nicely designed to convey with a wink just what sort of lowbrow
junkmeister is under discussion here. In fact I'm not sure
there's a single dragon in any of Brust's novels, but that's
hardly the point in this sort of score-settling, now is it?'
"(Others suggested that the 1993 WFC emphasis of fantasy over
horror -- deplored by SJ -- was only fair, the imbalance usually
being the other way....)"
CAROLINE OAKLEY is now sf editorial supremo at Millennium.
`Couldn't happen to a nicer person or better editor.' [JG]
TERRY PRATCHETT: `Just got back from a week in South Africa
(apparently it's okay to go there now). Signed a lot of books for
a lot of fans of various shades who were buying as if there was
no tomorrow, which many seem to feel is the case. There's a lot
of surface optimism around but you can hear the mighty creak of
fingers being crossed. In Johannesburg there's areas that look
like Cheltenham but with razor wire on the (high) garden walls,
or electric fences, or "Armed Response" notices -- but most
noticeable are the walls that have had a few feet of extra blocks
recently added... ' [10 Dec]
CHRIS PRIEST is proliferating, according to DC Comics' "Shop
Talk" (freelance newsletter): the Dec issue weirdly announces the
`... new "Ray" writer, CHRISTOPHER PRIEST. Actually Priest isn't
the new writer of "The Ray". Christopher Priest will become the
new name of former DC Editor, JIM OWLSEY. Jim, who has "been
feeling a lot more spiritual lately", is talking about taking a
new name in conjunction with his new company....' [NG] "(Did no
one warn him about death threats?)"
KEITH ROBERTS said goodbye in a horrifying Xmas circular:
`This is to advise you that in effect I died in March 1990, when
I was finally diagnosed as suffering from multiple sclerosis. As
you will perhaps know, this is a progressive and basically
mysterious disease for which there is no known cure. Since then,
developments have been rapid. I have been reduced from my former
six feet plus to wheelchair height; increased spasticity has made
artwork and production things of the past, while a so far
unexplained complication has led to me contributing a major piece
of my anatomy to the hospital incinerator. I'm therefore a one-
legged hasbeen at the age of fifty eight. [] Against
expectations, I managed to keep these facts quiet for a
considerable time; however a couple of interested parties
obviously decided it would be bad for me to die unshriven and
leaked the story, necessitating the present note. Rumours are
only enjoyable if unconfirmed; I always was a spoilsport in that
respect. Though I'm painfully aware that the information will be
of interest to the various Important Authors I have offended over
the years, mainly by existing. "[...]" [] Having got myself
blacklisted by the Establishment, it was unlikely I would ever
publish again, in English at least; but this would not have been
permitted anyway. In the Mother of Democracies, cripples are
naturally not allowed to earn; that would be to rise above their
station. At which point I did wonder if the good Lord was indeed
punishing me for daring to oppose my betters. If so, it was a
definite case of overkill; but I had thought for some time He was
really a Thatcherite at heart. "[...]" [] For me, life has been
reduced to a daily battle to avoid the clutches of the People
Farms; the normal euphemism for them is Residential Homes. In
this, I may or may not be successful; I am buoyed by the thought
that the ever-obliging State has at least provided a species of
alternative. Having stood back for a month or so and watched my
leg rot at the rate of several millimetres a day, the powers that
be finally pressed on me enough pain-killers to solve my problem
several times over. Either way, I would of course vanish from
human contact. So I am taking this opportunity to send best
wishes to you all, and good luck with your various enterprises.
Yours sincerely....' [via G, CM, DP]
GEORGE TURNER, whose stroke was reported in "Ansible 71",
`is well, but feeling unable to write any more. So the articles
in "SF Commentary 73/4/5" are his last writings. Maybe.' [BRG]
### CONGIUS ###
28-30 Jan STARBASE ("Trek"), Hilton Hotel, Leeds. GoH George
Takei. #35 reg; no memberships at the door (or after 14 Jan).
Contact 152 Otley Rd, Headingley, Leeds, LS16 5JX.
4-6 Feb VIBRAPHONE (filk), Oak Hotel, Brighton. #27 reg.
Contact 2 Duncan Gate, London Rd, Bromley, BR1 3SG.
26 Feb INTERSECTION PARTY, Carrick Hotel, Glasgow, 8pm
-- all welcome, please bring a chairman. Contact Jacky Gruter-
Andrew, Intersection, Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR.
20-22 May MEXICON 6 (`The Party'), Hertford Park Hotel,
Stevenage. #9.50 reg. #19.50 twin/dbl, #22.50 sngl. Contact 121
Cape Hill, Smethwick, Warley, West Midlands, B66 4SH.
26-9 May EUROCON, Timisoara, Romania. Now #15 reg.
Optional `7-day advance tour of historic Transylvania'. Contact
FATW, 17 Mimosa, 29 Avenue Rd, Tottenham, N15 5JF.
21-4 Oct ALBACON, Central Hotel, Glasgow. #25 reg to 31
April (!). Contact 10 Atlas Rd, Springburn, Glasgow, G21 4TE.
29-30 Oct WHO'S 7 ("Dr Blake" event), Queen's Hotel,
Crystal Palace, London. "Now #35 reg" (but #5 off if you book a
hotel room). Contact 131 Norman Rd, Leytonstone, E11 4RJ.
Oct (?) 97 WORLD FANTASY CON, Britannia International
Hotel, London Docklands. "Dracula" centenary theme. No
memberships taken until Oct 94. Contact Jo Fletcher -- see COA.
Estimated room rates imply two-tier inflation: the 1995
Eastercon's #31 and #37 per person in this hotel's double/twin
and single rooms (respectively) become #37.50 and "#60". ["BFSN"]
"Rumblings" [] INTERSECTION, 1995 Glasgow Worldcon: co-chair
Tim Illingworth resigned in December `following a series of
personal and policy disagreements with much of the rest of the
board'. Vince Docherty resumes his former co-chair role by e-mail
from Oman. A rapid Intersection release praised Tim's past
efforts; some thought to detect signs of friction in his
response, `Gee, it's so nice to know that the committee have put
out a press release thanking me. It would have been even nicer
to have been sent a copy personally.' "Martin Hoare:" `To lose
one chairman may be regarded as a misfortune ... to lose two
seems like carelessness.' "Ansible" is nevertheless sure that
Intersection remains strong and vital as ever. [] As of Feb 94,
Intersection plans a monthly London meeting (3rd Fri, in the
Wellington?), open to the public. Watch this space.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
SERIOUS SCIENTIFIC SPONSORSHIP. Dr Dave Clements gloats over
bagging a #750 grant from the government Office of Science &
Technology's programme to `improve public understanding of
science' -- by luring pro scientists to sf conventions. (Bob
Shaw's von Donegan has already applied.) This, the smallest grant
of OST's #150,000 kitty, was 100% of the sum requested and has
excited disproportionate newspaper publicity ("Telegraph", 5
Jan). Negotiations with VIbraphone and Sou'Wester are under way.
Brush off your degrees, everyone. [AB/DC]
BAD NEWS. `In November, writers Pat Murphy and Claire Parman
Brown were involved in a tragic car crash in Nepal, while
returning from a 36-day expedition to the Everest base camp.
Claire Brown died in the accident. She had an adventurous,
restless spirit, and was always travelling; in recent years she
had been to Hong Kong, Alaska, Indonesia, Nepal. She had
completed one novel, "Vengeful Souls", and was working on a
second. She was 29. Pat Murphy was injured in the accident, but
the extent of her injuries is not at present known.' [CPr]
C.O.A. "Amanda Baker", 3 Bishop's Court, John Garne Way,
Marston Road, Oxford, OX3 0TU. "John Bangsund", PO Box 1096,
Thornbury, Vic 3071, Australia. "Vijay Bowen/Mark Richards", PO
Box 021831, Brooklyn, NY 11202-0039, USA. "Jo Fletcher", 24 Pearl
Rd, Walthamstow, London, E17 4QZ. "Little, Brown & Co",
Brettenham House, Lancaster Place, London, WC2E 7EN. "Judith
Hanna & Joseph Nicholas", 15 Jansons Rd, Tottenham, London, N15
4JU (`Bourgeois cultural respectability looms'). "Tim Jones", 87
Ellice St, Mt Victoria, Wellington, NZ. "Andy Richards/Cold
Tonnage Books", 22 Kings Lane, Windlesham, Surrey, GU20 6JQ.
"Dick & Leah Smith", 410 W.Willow Road, Prospect Heights, IL
60070-1250, USA (repeated by request owing to Certain Fanzines
which printed the number as 140 or 401, tch-tch).
"HITCH-HIKER" MOVIE. Douglas Adams begs for thrilling wonder
stories of his series' popularity and ability to induce mass
conversions, raise the dead, etc: `We need to put together an
irresistable "[sic]" package to excite potential distributors of
the movie of the "Hitch Hiker's Guide" (to be produced by Michael
Nesmith).' At first this announcement was wickedly dismissed as
a hoax, on the basis that Mr Adams can surely spell
`irresistible'.... Asked if he'd be in control of the movie, he
reportedly said: `Absolutely, I am going to be thoroughly
involved.' [] It is revealed that the official Adams fan club
term for the great man, based on close study of his autograph,
is `Bop Ad'. [JN]
TREMBLE, JOHN MAJOR! The National Student SF Association
plans to bring the government to its knees with a gigantic London
demonstration to protest the ruling that sf is not a `core
activity' for a students' union (i.e. no more funding). Ask
Gareth Rees, 29 St Stephen's Place, Cambridge, CB3 0JE.
"GALAXY" magazine returns this month, edited by E.J.Gold
(son of founder H.L.): PO Box 370, Nevada City, CA 95959, USA.
Bimonthly; mail subs only; opens with new Sheckley serial.
L.RON HUBBARD goes on forever. His Church of Spiritual
Technology `has designed gas-filled, titanium time capsules to
hold Hubbard's teachings, and plans to place 10,500 of the
capsules in three vaults, two built to resist earthquakes or
nuclear attack.... Hubbard's writings will be preserved on 1.8
million stainless steel plates and his lectures on 187,000 nickel
records that could be played back with a stylus as crude as a
thorn in the event of some future cataclysm.... "[CST]" also
plans to place large, indestructible obelisks around the world
covered with pictographs explaining Scientology "so that even a
wandering savage will be able to understand and apply these
principles."' [AP via NR] Next, MISSION EARTH will reappear as
the first sf `megalithology' published on one million obelisks,
with truly frightening implications for the future of
remaindering.
BE PREPARED. The New England SF Assocation notoriously plans
for "every" contingency: `The rules for other organizations suing
the clubhouse were re-stated ...' ["Instant Message 538"]
TIPTREE AWARD. Jeanne Gomoll notes: `Since all of our judges
are American this year, we would appreciate tips about gender-
bending overseas fiction of 1993.' Report good stuff to 2825
Union Street, Madison, WI 53704. The Tiptree fundraising sf
cookbooks are still available in the UK, from me.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS. Bislama: "nogud", bad; "sik
nogud", venereal disease; "kaset nogud", pornographic cassette;
"nogud nomo", wonderful, fantastic. [KL]
### `ENEMIES OF PLATT' ###
The saga of Charles Platt and Harlan Ellison (see "Ansible 77")
developed all sorts of bizarre ramifications as 1993 sputtered
out and "The Last Dangerous Visions" entered its 21st or 22nd
year of non-publication....
[] CHRISTOPHER PRIEST's polemic "The Last Deadloss Visions"
appeared in electronic form, revised and updated -- a preview of
the new, commercial, printed edition due in April. It has been
naughtily pointed out that this will be eligible for the non-
fiction Hugo award in 1995.
[] A joke ENEMIES OF ELLISON flyer was circulated in the
USA, instantly identifiable by experienced Platt-watchers as the
work of our Charles. This was much attacked in electronic forums,
often by people who hadn't seen it and took the title at face
value. In fact it begins: `"EoE" is NOT an organization for those
who wish to malign, harass or assault Harlan Ellison. Just the
opposite! "EoE" is for those who have "been named as enemies" by
Mr Ellison, "and have been maligned, harassed, or assaulted",
purely because (in most cases) they spoke the truth or expressed
skepticism re his reputation, craft or self-promotional hype. /
If you've received death threats on your answering machine ...
if you've been referred to as a "wetbrain" on nationally
networked TV ... if Mr Ellison has threatened to "pop you one"
next time he sees you ... if he's promised to "sue you into
oblivion" ... then "EoE" is for you!' [c/o Interactive Systems,
PO Box 595, Chelsea Station, New York, NY 10113, USA]
[] ANDREW PORTER, famously mentioned by Mr Ellison on
nationally networked TV, was quick to offer "EoE" a free 1/3-page
ad in "SF Chronicle".
[] CHARLES PLATT reluctantly admitted that `Enemies of
Ellison' might have been an unwise choice of name, and has since
been referring to this `support group' as `Victims of Ellison'.
Various treats for members are offered: `I will be producing
badges in due course and will incorporate icons on each badge
indicating the abuse specifically suffered by the wearer.
Clenched fist to indicate a physical attack, lips whispering into
an ear to indicate badmouthing, and so forth.' [CPl]
[] "ANSIBLE" thought the original flyer was reasonably
amusing; but actually producing the badges, bimonthly
newsletters, etc, all begins to seem a trifle obsessive. Charles:
there is life after Harlan Ellison!
[] HARLAN ELLISON himself wisely made no direct comment
(that I know of), but his pal Barry R.Levin the Californian book
dealer came up with a new angle: `Dear Mr Platt: Do you want to
be remembered as the man who "murdered" Harlan Ellison? Do you
know how very bad his heart condition really is? Your little
prank newsletter may be a joke to you, but the news of it is
bound to set Harlan off -- and that in his present condition
could easily kill him. Is that what you really want?'
It is not known whether Mr Levin has counselled Mr Ellison
against other exertions very nearly as strenuous as reading
newsletters, such as blowing his top on networked TV, denouncing
his perceived enemies in high-profile con appearances, etc. I'm
sure that Mr Ellison, champion of free speech, would not endorse
the implied ruling that a controversial figure can say anything
he likes, as loudly as he likes, while owing to his state of
health no one may respond with similar rude vigour.
Sf would be duller if fans weren't free to express such
feisty sentiments as `[William Shatner] would screw a sheep in
the window of Bloomingdales if you gave him the chance' or `Gene
Roddenberry was a lying sack of shit ... a scum bag' or `If you
can't kick cripples, who can you kick? I mean, that's the whole
point of cripples ...' (all from Harlan Ellison's Oct 93
Comicfest talk, according to "The Comics Journal"). [RH]
Ansible 78 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Amanda Baker,
British Fantasy Soc Newsletter, Dave Clements, Jon Cowie, Neil
Gaiman, Gamma, Bruce Gillespie, John Grant, Steve Green, Rob
Hansen, Ken Lake, Catherine McAulay, Joseph Nicholas, Charles
Platt, Chris Priest, David Pringle, Nigel Rowe and Our Hero
Distributors.
6 Jan 94
ANSIBLE 79
FEBRUARY 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. "Ansible" may
be had whimsically or for stamped addressed envelopes (1/copy).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
THE BLACK SPOT. Are certain sf authors (as one or two have been enquiring
in not-for-quotation circulars) "really" blacklisted by publishers? Or
has the recession's impact on midlist sf merely left them without a
market? "Ansible" offers the usual large drink for a copy of any
publisher's official blacklist....
### THE CLUB OF QUEER TRADES ###
PAT CADIGAN visits Britain in March to promote "Fools": `I expect you to
be much in evidence, paying homage, while I'm in the country. It will
make up for your previous failure to be slavish. You dog.'
JOHN CLUTE enjoyed many enthusiastic communications from The Women's
Press about their reissue of Joanna Russ's "The Female Man" without, they
confided, that "awful downmarket sci-fi cover" -- by, as it happens,
Judith Clute.... (Erasing the past, this reissue claims to be the first
WP edition ever, although its publicity goes on about 20,000 mysterious
prior sales.) [JC]
HARLAN ELLISON `was an anonymous bidder for various items in Dick
Ellington's fanzine collection, which I was auctioning off,' "writes
Robert Lichtman". `He was rounding up old fanzines with appearances by
him of which he lacked his own copy.... The night before bidding closed,
he made a tongue-in-cheek threat ("I'll have to come up there and kill
you, Lichtman!") if I didn't promise to call him collect should someone
outbid him in the final hours. "Oh, joy!" I said to him, "my Very Own
Harlan Ellison Death Threat." To his credit, he laughed, and not
maliciously....' [] It's said that a while ago HE offered his entire
backlist to Tor in what he called `the deal of the century' -- $1 a book.
This was declined because, the story goes, Tor boss Tom Doherty had
somehow got the idea that being HE's publisher might be stressful.
LIONEL FANTHORPE will star in an anthology of his finest Badger
Books passages, suitable for reading aloud in public places, for
expounding, declaiming, reciting, orating and elocuting ... expected from
Wrigley Cross Books in July. [DC]
GEORGE R.R.MARTIN's fantasy trilogy `A Song of Fire and Ice' sold
here for #450,000 after an epic Battle of Dinosaurs between Legend's John
`It's my round!' Jarrold and ultimately victorious Malcolm `It's your
round!' Edwards of HarperCollins.
ELLA PARKER, the 50s/60s UK fan and early BSFA secretary who was
involved in Eastercons and hosted London SF meetings from 1960-64,
entered a hospice and died last year. [EL]
CARL SAGAN complained about Apple's use of `Carl Sagan' as their
internal nickname for a new computer. Thus the machine is now the BHA,
short for `Butt-Head Astronomer'.... [MMW]
STEVE SNEYD's latest 4pp bibliography "Data Dump 8" tastefully lists
lots more `nukecaust'-theme sf (and non-sf) poetry: contact 4 Nowell
Place, Almondbury, Huddersfield, HD5 8BP.
THOG THE MIGHTY, scourge of John Grant's LONE WOLF books and '93 con
newsletters, will be an extra Sou'Wester GoH. (Being fictional, he comes
cheap.) Excited LW publishers Red Fox took a congratulatory half-page ad
in the programme book....
IAN WATSON wants us to report his Finnish trip. So: `Finland had its
first-ever winter con, AIKACON (7-8 Jan) with Ian Watson as GoH, hidden
behind layers of scarves and sweaters as he slipped his way through the
ice-covered streets of Tampere. About 200 people had a jolly good time.
Watson's Finnish is far from perfect, so he chose to speak English on the
programme -- the rest was in Finnish, a language composed of hypnotic
streams of consonants with an occasional vowel for inhaling purposes.
Language difficulties forced foreign delegates to spend their time
drinking the local brew, a situation endured with great courage.
A.Engholm denies falling asleep during the GoH speech: I just meditated,
he claims. Three words will sum up the successful Aikacon: "Perkele
kirjoittamisellakin sissiliikejohtajaksi!"' [AE]
### CONCULCATION ###
4-6 Feb VIBRAPHONE (filk), Oak Hotel, Brighton. #27 reg. Contact, er,
some likely-looking registration desk?
8 Feb WRITING FOR LIBERTY, ICA, The Mall, SW1. 18:45. Liberty
(former NCCL) benefit evening of readings by notables including M.
Moorcock, T.Pratchett. #25. 071 930 3647. "A.Frost:" `Mention this or die
in pain, for it is organized by Roz Kaveney!'
12-13 Feb STARBRIGHT ("Quantum Leap"), Shepperton Moat House
Hotel. Contact 338 Blackfen Rd, Sidcup, DA15 9WY.
19 Feb AYL-CON ("Dr Who"), Aylesbury somewhere. Contact 40
Kingsmead Monks, Risborough, Princes R., Bucks, HP7 9LN.
19 Feb AUKCON (anime), Conway Hall, Red Lion Square, WC1. #10
reg. Contact Anime UK, 70 Mortimer St W1N 7DF. (Better book in advance.
Cheque to `Anime Subscriptions'.)
24 Feb MOLLY BROWN reading at The 3R's, 2 Crouch End Hill, N8.
20:00. #3/#2 concessionary. Info 081 691 7481.
26 Feb INTERSECTION PARTY, Carrick Hotel, Glasgow, 8pm -- all
welcome who can spell `Phan Fayre'. Contact Jacky Gruter-Andrew,
Intersection, Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR.
4-6 Mar MASQUE III (costume con), Stakis Victoria Hotel,
Nottingham. #25 reg. Contact 4 Ednaston Ct, Yeldersley Lane, Ednaston,
Ashbourne, Derbyshire, DE6 3BA.
5-6 Mar MICROCON 14, Exeter University. GoH Geoff Ryman. #5 reg.
Contact 6 Clifton Hill, Exeter, EC1 2DL. If UK government cuts go
through, `this may be the last Microcon ever.'
12-13 Mar SEDUCED AND ABANDONED: THE BODY IN THE VIRTUAL WORLD,
ICA (see above). Pat Cadigan, Bruce Sterling.
10-12 Jun SHOTS ON THE PAGE (mystery/detective), Forte Crest
Hotel, Nottingham. #30 reg (#40 from 1 Mar). Contact Broadway Media
Centre, 14 Broad St, Nottingham, NG1 3AL.
"Rumblings"
THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION has followed through its
`time and space' theme by declaring a time (3rd Fri) and a space
(Wellington pub, London) for monthly public meetings. Be there or be
miserably safe from committee co-opting.... "File 770" gives a rundown
of coming Worldcon bids: 1997, San Antonio, St Louis; 1998, Baltimore,
Boston, Niagara Falls; 1999, Australia, Las Vega; 2001, Philadelphia (but
as it's `The Millennium Philcon', that might be a typo for 2000), Boston.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
THE EARTH MOVED FOR THEM. Reports say no sf people were badly injured in
the Los Angeles earthquake, the only death being of Bruce and Elayne
Pelz's cat Scrabble (hit by bricks as a wall collapsed). Bruises,
property damage and books hurled from shelves were widespread -- Lydia
Marano of Dangerous Visions bookshop had to be dug out from under piles
of books and bookcases. Falling downstairs in the dark, the unfortunate
Harlan Ellison broke his nose. One of Mike Glyer's Hugos leapt off a
shelf and smashed a glass lamp. The Los Angeles SF Society held its next
meeting as usual.... ["File 770"/Internet]
THE CAUCUS RACE. "Arthur C.Clarke Award" -- the shortlisted novels
are "A Million Open Doors", John Barnes; "Ammonite", Nicola Griffith;
"Vurt", Jeff Noon; "Snow Crash", Neal Stephenson; "The Iron Dragon's
Daughter", Michael Swanwick [your editor was much impressed by this one,
though when a fantasy Word of Power has the syllables "sfwa ya sig" one
wonders whose leg is being pulled]; "The Broken God", David Zindell. `An
exceptionally strong shortlist,' babbles administrator David V.Barrett,
possibly conveying a coded subtext about the quality of last year's?
[DVB] [] "BCA Fantasy & SF Author of the Year Award" -- a new addition
to the British Book Awards, presented on 10 Feb. [] "Collectors Awards"
... were Michael Crichton, and Harlan Ellison's "Mefisto in Onyx"
(lettered state "of course"), really the most `collectable' author and
book of 1993? So says California's ace book dealer Barry R.Levin, no
doubt quite impartially and with no unsold stocks of either in his
cupboard.... A lifetime award also goes to Arthur C.Clarke. [] "Spent
Brass" poll (USA) for favourite fan stuff: fanzine "Mimosa", artist
W.Rotsler, writer D.Langford, con Corflu 10, single issue "Fanthology
1989", cover D.Steffan on ditto, article D.Emerson's `Passing On'
("Mainstream").
STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION. `For answer she drew her hands right and
left across her full breasts and raised them above her head as if to
challenge time.' (George Turner, "Beloved Son") [KL]
TOO GOOD TO CHECK. `A fan of "Hitch-Hiker "was in a bar with a
friend who worked in a nut house. The fan happened to use one of the
"HHG" tag-lines ("Here, put this fish in your ear" or something) and the
shrink jumped up saying, "WHAT?!" Seems they had a guy locked up who
would only respond to questions with "HHG" bits; since a lot of psychos
have languages all their own, and no-one who'd dealt with this guy knew
"HHG", they were going nuts themselves trying to decipher him.' [NR] Just
needed a fish in the ear, really.
"ALTERNATE WORLDS" is the imaginative title of `The World's Only
Alternate History Magazine', just launched. Hefty articles by Brian
Stableford, Evelyn C.Leeper "et al". Quarterly, #3/issue; 48pp A4; 19
Bruce St, Rodbourne, Swindon, Wilts, SN2 2EL.
C.O.A. "Maia Cowan/George Laskowski", 1306 Cherokee, Royal Oak, MI
48067-3386, USA. "Mog Decarnin", 440 Zalvidea St #5, Los Angeles, CA
90026, USA. "Christina Lake", 12 Hatherley Rd, Bishopston, Bristol, BS7
8QA (`Peter-Fred and I have split up -- though so amicably that the rest
of fandom will hardly notice the difference!'). "Ken Lake" (will he never
stop?), c/o The Stamp Wholesaler, PO Box 708, Albany, OR 97321, USA --
to mid-Feb only. "Steve Palmer", 4 Park Rd, Toddington, Dunstable, Beds,
LU5 6AB. "Gary & Linda Stratmann", 78 Hatherley Rd, Walthamstow, London,
E17 6SB.
PLAY IT AGAIN, HARI. The Asimov "Foundation" movie is said to be
scheduled for Xmas 94, directed by Jean-Jaques Annaud ("Quest for Fire",
"The Name of the Rose"). ["Film Review" 2/94]
1993 UK `FASTSELLERS' in the top 100: Crichton, "Jurassic Park" (no.
1); Harris, "Fatherland" (10); King, "Gerald's Game" (12), "Dolores
Claiborne" (17); Adams, "Mostly Unfunny" (13); Pratchett, "Lords and
Ladies" (30), "Small Gods" (33), "Only You Can Save Mankind" (69);
Herbert, "Portent" (32); Koontz, "Dragon Tears" (42), "The Funhouse"
(59), "The Door to December" (67); Eddings, "Domes of Fire" (56); Brooks,
"Elf Queen of Shannara" (68); Banks, "The Crow Road" (89); Feist/Wurts,
"Mistress of the Empire" (91); Feist, "The King's Buccaneer" (99).
[JN/"Grauniad"]
RANDOM FANDOM. "Arnold Akien", relentless letter-writer, had a year
of woe in '93: on separate occasions he broke an ankle, a wrist and was
shot by an airgun from a passing car. Realizing the cause must be divine
wrath at his handwriting, he's buying a word processor. [] "Harry
Andruschak" claims that unfriends at the Los Angeles SF Society have
changed the rules of `the LASFS Annual Nigger of the Year Contest'
"[sic]" to nominate him. Can such tacky things be? [] "Abigail Frost" was
enchanted to discover the political organization of her dreams, the
London Psychogeographical Society: `They're anarchists with ley lines!
It sounds wonderful!' Watch her chart the Old Straight Track to the
Wellington pub's toilets, using only a dowsing pendulum.... [] "Alexis
Gilliland" married Lee Uba in October. [] "Martin Hoare" told "Ansible"
in revolting detail of his coming gall bladder op; do not utter the word
`keyhole' in his presence. [] "Roger Weddall", the universally popular
Aussie fan who died so young in Dec 1992, is now publicly known to have
been HIV+ ... `the first well-known fan to die as a result of contracting
AIDS,' writes Andy Hooper -- but not, we are afraid, the last.
"AMAZING STORIES" suspended publication after appearing since 1926;
current owners TSR may have it redesigned. ["SFC"]
LETTER COLUMN. "Charles Platt" responds to my incautious use of the
word `obsessive' in "A78": `I ignored Ellison's mudslinging the first
three or four times, then tried repeatedly to complain in a civilized
fashion before I wearily geared up for VICTIMS OF ELLISON. As you say,
it is "obsessive", but one has to be obsessive merely to attract
Ellison's attention. To make him think twice before maligning people
gratuitously in future will obviously require even more effort, but I now
see this as an interesting challenge. If enough victims fight back
(merely by telling the truth), I think it can be done. [] I am still
willing to sit down and shut up if Ellison will apologize for lying about
me. Anyone else would have had the decency to do that. Why should this
pugnacious hypochondriac suffering a terminal case of "noblesse oblige"
consider himself exempt from admitting his own errors?' [21 Jan]
DREDD'S LANGUAGE LESSONS. `I have seen the future, and it ****s!'
"writes David Redd". `The music press is in the forefront of linguistic
development -- words such as "shambolic" appeared in "New Musical
Express" at least five years before reaching "The Sunday Times". Now see
what the trend-setting "Melody Maker" [11 Dec] promises for 1999
journalism! Opening sentences of three consecutive live band reviews:
"(1)" "Get f***ed!" "(2)" "N*ggers f***." "(3)" "What a f***ing set!" ...
Stylists and witty newswriters, take note. This is your future.'
TEN YEARS AGO: "Helliconia Winter" was serialized in "Ansible 37"
(Feb 84). Well ... page 25a of the draft. A Barry R.Levin `collectable'?
### MISLEADING CASES ###
There is a certain sf flavour about the case, judged in New York towards
the end of 1993, of "Teri Smith Tyler, Plaintiff, v. James Carter,
William Clinton, Ross Perot, American Cyanamid, Iron Mountain Security
Corporation, Defense Intelligence Agency, IBM, David Rockefeller,
Rockefeller Fund, BCCI, Nasa, Defendants." Try to imagine the expression
on the face of District Judge Charles S.Haight, Jr, as he recited all
this:
`Plaintiff contends she is a cyborg, and that she received most of
the information which forms the basis for her complaint, through
"proteus", which I read to be some silent, telepathic form of
communication. "[...]" She asserts that the defendants are involved in
the "Iron Mountain Plan", which provides for the reinstitutionalization
of slavery and "bloodsports" (which she identifies as death-hunting
"[n1]" and witch-hunting), and the oppression of political dissidents,
herself included. Plaintiff's complaint alleges a number of personal
indignities visited upon her by defendants: "strafing of my dormitory
room by planes and helicopters, the electronic bugging of my student
rooms and apartments, deliberate noise harassment, blasting of loud rock
music with lyrics designed for witch-hunts (music about social pariahs)
... students following me around to prevent me from studying, whispering
campaigns and social ostrification ..." "[...]" Plaintiff also makes the
following allegations against the defendants. Former President Jimmy
Carter was the secret head of the Ku Klux Klan; Bill Clinton is the
biological son of Jimmy Carter; President Clinton and Ross Perot have
made fortunes in the death-hunting industry, and are responsible for the
murder of at least 10 million black women in concentration camps, their
bodies sold for meat and their skin turned into leather products. The
defendants are also responsible for breeding farms, which turn out 2,000
black girls a year, who are then sold for recreational murder or as human
pets. Additionally, the defendants utilize weather control and earthquake
technology to threaten other countries. "[...]"
`Plaintiff asks the Court to grant her the following relief: 1. $5.6
billion in compensatory and punitive damages. "[etc, etc]"
`... Plaintiff additionally contends that the Gulf War against Iraq
was undertaken so that America could restock its sexual slavery camps
"[...]" 40,000 Iraqi soldiers captured by the United States, selected for
their physical attractiveness, have been brought to this country where
they were "being beaten, forced to run gauntlets and homosexually gang-
raped by American soldiers." Plaintiff claims to have confronted
Secretary of Defense Cheney with evidence of this allegation. Cheney,
through "proteus", purportedly told the plaintiff, "Well, we were so sick
and tired of killing black girls...."' [via PNH] "(Oddly, she lost her
case.)"
Ansible 79 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Paul Barnett, David
V.Barrett, Pat Cadigan, CIX sf, John Clute, Debbie Cross, Ahrvid Engholm,
Mike Glyer, Andy Hooper, Naveed Khan, Ken Lake, Robert Lichtman, Ethel
Lindsay, Joseph Nicholas, Patrick Nielsen Hayden, David Pringle, Neil
Rest, SF Chronicle, Martin Morse Wooster, and our Hero Distributors FATW,
Janice Murray, SCIS, Alan Stewart, Martin Tudor, Elizabeth Willey.
3 Feb 94
Back issues of Ansible are available by FTP and Gopher from
ftp.dcs.gla.ac.uk and gopher.dcs.gla.ac.uk respectively (see directory
/pubs/Ansible). E-mail subscriptions: send mail with the command
SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk. Special thanks to electronic
archive master Naveed Khan for all this.
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 70
MAY 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for stamped addressed
envelopes, whim, or (rich idiots only) #12/year. Keep watching the
skies....
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
HELICON. It seems there was some kind of convention in the Hotel de
France, Jersey, over Easter, but I was busy doing its newsletter
"Heliograph" and somehow missed the whole thing. "Brian Aldiss" said
he managed to remain placid even when the "Independent" reporter asked
him if he also wrote as Harry Harrison. "Iain Banks", deprived of
heights to scale, instead crawled around under the carpet of the hotel
bar. "John Jarrold" was elected President of World SF but explained
that he wasn't there at the time and knew nothing about it. "John
Brunner"'s GoH speech, reports Martin Hoare, was `one long depressing
whinge'. "Dealer's Room" highlight: a Russian table selling KGB
credentials at exotic prices. `Fans should beware the midnight knock on
the door from authors Aldiss, Harrison and McCaffrey (who will be
carrying a small, monogrammed flame thrower).' "798 full members" were
reported (Sun), plus a handful of one-day visitors. "Bridget
Wilkinson"'s Fans Across the World outdid itself by importing 52
Romanians, which terrified both the States of Jersey (Helicon had to sign
mighty pledges that none of them would try to stay) and the committee
(rather than trek across the island to their campsite, dozens of the
chaps shared hotel room floors). "Soft toy" fans were outraged at Tom
Abba's X-rated art show exhibit of a teddy bear strung up with ghastly
hooks a la "Hellraiser". "Harlan Ellison" (as predicted) failed to
turn up, but mysterious threats against Chris Priest reached the
newsletter -- a bit wasted, as CP wasn't there. "The SF Encyclopaedia"
nearly sold out; one far-flung fan staggered off with 5 copies. []
"Malcolm Edwards" claimed bemusement on finding himself a Famous Monster
owing to long-ago ConFiction debts which he didn't know were outstanding;
he vowed to prod `those who actually owe' into paying. "Jack Cohen"'s
exobiological influence was felt in the hotel swimming pool as crazed
fans assaulted the inflatable shark and attempted to do artificial
insemination with a water pistol. "Peter Weston" expressed constant
bogglement at what his fandom had now come to.... "Eileen Weston:" `Come
on, Peter, when you start saying "in our day" we know it's time to go.'
[] "Priorities:" the newsletter was blitzed with running statistics on
hotel chocolate sales ("circa" 1.2 tonnes in 5kg bars alone), plus minor
footnotes on old-fashioned issues like beer consumption. "Closing
Ceremony:" this began with a 45-minute delay before the projectors for
a multi-channel slide show (1,000 snaps from Helicon itself) appeared;
all possible permutations of GoH pictures and names were shown repeatedly
as Martin Hoare's ace technocrats wrestled with the machinery. `The
committee said afterwards that they hadn't thought I could do it at all,'
he exulted. "Jersey Zoo charity:" #1,000 was raised. "John Grant"
gloated in carefully chosen type sizes that his sf quiz team crushed John
Clute's by 365 to 220. "Vox Pop" (I paraphrase): `The hotel was fine,
Jersey was great, Helicon's organization was surprisingly wonky.
Apparently as a point of policy, committee people were given jobs they'd
never done before, without full briefing from those who had.... The main
bad feeling was about the failure to signpost no-smoking areas
properly.... There were mushrooms at breakfast, so it was a great con....
Some Continental fans had trouble with the newsletter's British humour.'
"[Oops -- Ed.]" "Corkage Horror:" the #1-admission `Hawaii Party' was
fined #500 when the hotel sniffed out its carefully hidden empties ...
alerted, perhaps, by the subtle hint of its being advertised in the
Helicon programme. "Eastercon 1995:" the Confabulation bid was
unopposed but confused everyone with a badge logo of a palpable reindeer
which they insisted was a moose, traditional symbol of London Docklands.
[] "40 Years On:" 10 April brought countless birthday congratulations on
your editor's impending senility. Thanks to all (he snarled)....
### PILGRIMS ON THE ROAD TO NOWHERE ###
DAVID BRITTON of Savoy Books was jailed for 4 months (2 Apr) under the
Obscene Publications Act. I haven't heard which titles were the basis of
this latest prosecution; it's hard to believe that relentless Manchester
police raids on DB's bookshops are "wholly" uninfluenced by his novel
"Lord Horror" with its send-up of their dippy ex-Chief Constable James
Anderton.
STEVE GREEN confesses that `"Critical Wave" was forced to take a New
Era ad against its will because we needed the money.' He notes that
although New Era always protested that they "weren't" just a British
version of Bridge, they send Bridge review copies of their latest L.Ron
Hubbard pb ... along with a ready-made rave review to save recipients the
trouble of writing one.
STEPHEN HAWKING (Trekkie) visited the "Star Trek:TNG" set, was
invited to be in the show, and couldn't resist -- he plays a hologram of
himself, playing poker with Einstein. [KH]
DON HERRON gloats: `I too now have a Hugo. And a Nebula, a British
Fantasy Award and one of those neat Gahan Wilson busts of HPL used as
World Fantasy Awards. The Hugo is from 1967, for "Gonna Roll the Bones"
(hey, a good one). Justin Leiber decided, rather than have Fritz's awards
shoved away in a drawer along with his papers at the University of Texas
in Houston, to have them distributed among Fritz's pals.... All these
awards, except the Hugo, make great bookends. The Hugo is fucking
"useless". It's pretty, though.'
ROZ KAVENEY broke her wrist running for a bus a couple of weeks ago.
`There was a bus strike on,' sympathizes Abigail Frost, `so "serve her
right" for scabbing.' [AJF]
KEN LAKE is `desperate to get my name in "Ansible" again. Does "Love
from Chickenshit Mountain" qualify?' "[This on a postcard of said
mountain, near Pohnpei, Micronesia. See COA.]"
JOSEPH NICHOLAS went to Cairo: `Tourist numbers are down, though
it's mostly Brits who are staying away -- there are plenty of French,
Germans and Americans (and Japanese, as usual videotaping everything).
Apart from the traffic -- traffic policemen are routinely ignored -- it
feels perfectly safe. I walked through the old Islamic part of Cairo,
visiting mosques, and was accosted by no one more threatening than
bazaaris anxious to sell me tourist tat like camel saddles and hubble-
bubble pipes. But then this is a residential and mercantile area, and the
fundamentalists are unlikely to start planting bombs amongst the people
they wish to "liberate" -- although following an explosion in Chephren's
Pyramid on Wednesday they issued a demand for all foreigners to leave
Egypt immediately, which, given that about 1/3 of the economically active
population depends on tourism, will hardly endear them to the "army of
the oppressed". In this, the fundamentalists seem as much in contact with
reality as the average Trot.' [2 April]
### CONSARCINATION ###
12 May BSFA, The Conservatory pub, London, 19:30ish. John Clute urges
us anew to buy the "SF Encyclopaedia."
28-31 May MEXICON 5 (written sf), Scarborough. #20 reg to 15 May
(no postal memberships thereafter); #25 at door. Contact 121 Cape Hill,
Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH. Quickly!
28-31 May MASQUERADES ("Beauty & the Beast"), Grand Hotel, Brum.
#37 reg inc banquet. Contact 12 Jessop Clo, Leasingham, Sleaford, Lincs,
NG34 8LJ.
18 Jun BRITISH FANTASY SOC open night with F.Paul Wilson. 18:30
onward at Falkland Arms, Bloomsbury Way, London.
14-17 Apr 95 CONFABULATION (Eastercon), Britannia International
Hotel, London Docklands. #15 reg (#10 supp) to end 1993. Rooms
#31/person/night in double/twin, #37 single. Contact 3 York St,
Altrincham, Cheshire, WA15 9QH. `About 1/3 of the rooms have whirlpool
baths!' gurgles the committee.
"Rumblings" As Helicon ended, "Larry van der Putte" was spotted
at hotel reception "in a suit", muttering furtively that he'd come for
his appointment with the conference manager.... "Martin Hoare" and
radiant "Jean Owen" were married on 30 April, twice -- registry office
plus church. Fannishly, Martin had produced the church Order of Service
himself, leading to `La la la la la' noises for missing lines in hymns;
bits of the vows (`in sickness and in health') also went astray but were
restored from memory by the vicar. The subsequent prolonged piss-up
lapsed into what looked suspiciously like a series of Helicon post-
mortems (John Richards: `I am "not" pleased with myself.') and
Intersection muttering sessions (it's now rumoured that, PR1 not having
appeared for Helicon as intended, the Dutch -- present in force at the
wedding -- are taking over publications). Once Wedding Ops had spent ages
crawling round the pub floor laying PA cables, the Langford best-man
speech got its third airing to traditional yawns of delight. Hic.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TAFF. After an epic tussle via "Ansible"'s fax machine, administrators
Pam Wells and Jeanne Bowman announce that "Abigail Frost" is elected
TAFF delegate to the 1993 Worldcon in San Francisco. There were 207
ballots, 192 expressing a preference. Under the 20% rule three candidates
were instantly eliminated to leave Abigail winner by default (Michael
Ashley failed to get 20% of the vote in Europe, Tony Berry in North
America, Ashley Watkins anywhere). Boggled by this, the administrators
nervously went through the whole single-transferable-vote procedure to
see if anything would have come out differently: but no, the final-round
count was TB 90, AF 93. When invited to make a victory statement, Ms
Frost cried, `Oh "shite".'
C.O.A. "Colin Fine," 33 Pembarton Drive, Bradford, BD7 1RA. "Steve
Higgins" moans from France, `The weather here is truly beautiful, and I'm
going back to Manchester. The budget's been cut and my contract
cancelled. Back to the same old address' -- 50 Cannon St, Eccles,
Manchester, M30 0FT. "Ken Lake" (until when, who knows?), c/o Mr George
Bennett, Post Agency Matei, Taveuni, Fiji. "TAFF" (Europe), c/o Abigail
Frost, 95 Wilmot St, London, E2 0BP. "Pam Wells," First Floor Flat, 14
Prittlewell Sq, Southend-on-Sea, SS1 1DW.
"SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA." CD-ROM edition expected from Nimbus in late June
or so (to show what they can do, they sent "Ansible" their disc of that
now superseded sf reference "The King James Bible"). Attributed to
Orbit publicist: `We don't send "Encyclopaedia" review copies to genre
journalists 'cos they'll all have to buy it anyway.' [A Disaffected SF
Journalist] Australia got country-wide saturation coverage: six review
copies in toto. Computer magazines report a new spin-off, `the first
Colour Look-Up Table Editor (CLUTE) from Visual Business Systems....'
HAND OF THE BEAST: disconcertingly, Midnight Rose's shared world
collection "The Weerde II" has cover artwork strangely similar to that
L.Ron Hubbard "Invaders Plan" jacket last seen and deplored on the
Conspiracy '87 pocket programme book.
"SF NEXUS" magazine re-awakens ... `#3 out for Mexicon'.
JAMES TIPTREE AWARD. This is interestingly funded by bake sales and
cookbooks: I am now UK agent for the latter. Hordes of sf's famous and
infamous contributed to "The Bakery Men Don't See" (90pp, a 1992 Hugo
nominee) and "Her Smoke Rose Up from Supper" (112pp, new in 1993). Each
#8.00 post free.
LINES ON THE REMOVAL OF THE SF FOUNDATION TO LIVERPOOL:
`So / Farewell then / North East London Polytechnic / As was. // "We
can't afford it." / That was / Your catchphrase.' E.J.Thribb, age 17 1/2.
"THE BLEARY EYES" is a 67pp collection of John Berry's legendary
`Goon Defective Agency' fan-fictions (1956-9), published by Ken Cheslin,
10 Coney Grn, Stourbridge, W.Midlands, DY8 1LA. No price given.
GAMES WORKSHOP VS TRANSWORLD drones on.... Though the appeal court
upheld the injunction against TW sales of DARK FUTURE books by Laurence
James, GWTM were made to pay half their own #60,000 costs after naughtily
prevaricating about the existence of a crucial contract with Boxtree.
"Judge:" `I find your attitude over this disingenuous in the extreme.'
"L.James:" `Which is the legal equivalent of a headbutt.' In a separate
case, TW are now challenging the original trademark grant on the basis
that ordinary English phrases (e.g. "dark future") shouldn't be `fenced
off' like this. Will it never end?
### THE GREASY POLE ###
NEBULAS. Novel "Doomsday Book", Connie Willis. Novella `City of Truth',
James Morrow. Novelette `Danny Goes to Mars', Pamela Sargent. Short `Even
the Queen', Connie Willis. Grandmaster: Frederik Pohl. ["SFC"] []
EASTERCON AWARDS. Long text "Was ...", Geoff Ryman. Short text "Ansible"
(gosh wow). Artwork "Kaeti on Tour/IZ66", Jim Burns. Dramatic:
Illumination's fireworks. Doc Weir: Bridget Wilkinson. HUGO
NOMINATIONS (argh).... Novel "China Mountain Zhang", Maureen F.McHugh;
"Red Mars", Kim Stanley Robinson; "Steel Beach", John Varley; "A Fire
Upon the Deep", Vernor Vinge; "Doomsday Book", Connie Willis. Novella
`Uh-Oh City', Jonathan Carroll; `The Territory', Bradley Denton;
`Protection', Maureen F.McHugh; "Stopping at Slowyear", Frederik Pohl;
`Barnacle Bill the Spacer', Lucius Shepard. Novelette `True Faces',
Pat Cadigan; `The Nutcracker Coup', Janet Kagan; `In the Stone House',
Barry N.Malzberg; `Danny Goes to Mars', Pamela Sargent; `Suppose They
Gave a Peace ...', Susan Shwartz. Short `The Winterberry', Nicholas
A.DiChario; `The Mountain to Mohammed', Nancy Kress; `The Lotus and the
Spear', Mike Resnick; `The Arbitrary Placement of Walls', Martha Soukup;
`Even the Queen', Connie Willis. Nonfiction "Enterprising Women: TV
fandom & the creation of popular myth", Camille Bacon-Smith; "The
Costumemaker's Art" ed. Thom Boswell; "Virgil Finlay's Women of the
Ages"; "Monad #2" ed. Damon Knight; "Let's Hear It for the Deaf Man",
Dave Langford ed. Ben Yalow (`I'll get you for this,' writes Ed McBain);
"A Wealth of Fable: an informal history of sf fandom in the 50s", Harry
Warner Jr. Dramatic "Aladdin, Alien 3, Batman Returns, Bram Stoker's
Dracula", `The Inner Light' ("ST:TNG"). Pro editor Ellen Datlow,
Gardner Dozois, Beth Meacham, Kristine Kathryn Rusch, Stanley Schmidt.
[] Pro artist Thomas Canty, David A.Cherry, Bob Eggleton, James Gurney,
Don Maitz. Original art "Aristoi" (cover), Jim Burns; "Dinotopia",
James Gurney; "F&SF Oct/Nov" (cover), Ron Walotsky; "Illusion" (cover),
Michael Whelan; "IASFM Nov" (cover), M.Whelan. Semiprozine "Interzone,
Locus, New York Review of SF, Pulphouse, SF Chronicle." Fanzine "File
770, FOSFAX, Lan's Lantern, Mimosa, Stet." Fan writer Mike Glyer, Andy
Hooper, Dave Langford, Evelyn C.Leeper, Harry Warner Jr. Fan artist
Teddy Harvia, Merle Insinga, Linda Michaels, Peggy Ranson, Stu Shiffman,
Diana Harlan Stein. John W.Campbell Award (not a Hugo) Barbara
Delaplace, Nicholas A.DiChario, Holly Lisle, Laura Resnick, Carrie
Richerson, Michelle Sagara. 397 ballots cast. The new category `Best
Translator' was dropped through apathy. Nominations declined: M.Whelan
(pro artist), Boris Vallejo (original art). Easiest category to get into:
original art, 9 votes needed. Hardest: pro artist, 47. [ConFrancisco] []
PHILIP K.DICK AWARD: "Through the Heart", Richard Grant. DITMARS
(Australia): Long fiction "Quarantine", Greg Egan. Short `Closer', Greg
Egan. Artwork "Blue Tyson" (cover), Nick Stathopoulos. Periodical
"Eidolon". Fan writer Robin Pen. Criticism (Atheling award) `Australian
SF Art Turns 50', Sean McMullen. `Everything except the long fiction and
art appeared in "Eidolon", which distributed "How to Vote" cards during
the election.' [D&LS] I miss my favourite Ditmar, `Best Fannish Cat'. []
CLARINET COMMUNICATIONS (USA) is doing an instant, electronic Hugo
nominees' anthology, but left me uncharmed by offering mere lowly fan
writers `a royalty share far less than that for the pro material'. Nagged
about this, publisher Brad Templeton said he was trying to `reflect the
values I perceived in the world of Hugos'. Gee, thanks a bundle.
[]
Ansible 70 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Paul Barnett, John Dallman,
Abigail Frost, Seth Goldberg, Jeanne Gomoll, Helicon, Kim Huett, Andy
Porter (still faxing Hugo data at 4am), Yvonne Rousseau, Mike Scott, SFC,
Dick & Leah Smith, Alex `E.J.Thribb' Stewart, Chris Suslowicz, Bob
Webber, Pam Wells and stakhanovite distributors Alan Stewart, Martin
Tudor, SCIS and Bridget Wilkinson. (And perhaps soon Janice `Use me!'
Murray.)
6/5/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 71
JUNE 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for stamped addressed
envelopes, whim, or even #12/year. Fanzine Control Number 5-271-009.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
MEXICON 5. The usual reprobates and bastard scum (phrase (c) Paul
Barnett, 1993) gathered at the Hotel St Nicholas in Scarborough last
weekend -- Friday being the 129th anniversary of the arrival of
Maximilian of Habsburg in Veracruz to become Emperor of Mexico.... GoH
"Pat Cadigan" remembered your editor from ConFiction, as evidenced by
great ululating cries of `YOU DOG, LANGFORD!' on each encounter. Her
micro-skirts absorbed much male attention until "Deborah Beale" turned
up to share this arduous workload. High-hemmed copycats were soon
sighted, "P.Barnett" in unspeakable shorts and unwontedly mini-skirted
"Maureen Speller" muttering `I need velcro knees to keep my legs
together.' Other GoH "Norman Spinrad"'s secret giant chilli recipe
(`serves 100-150') was doled out by Hotel Portion Control on the basis
that 600-1,200 people were to be fed, leading to exciting Eurosurpluses.
[] "Low Cuisine:" in Scarborough a restaurant order of tagliatelle was
liable to come with copious chips and Yorkshire pudding. "Lee Wood:" `Do
you have any of that oil stuff, you know, with kind of peppers, you know,
floating in it?' "Waitress:" `No. What makes you think we'd have that?'
"Lee:" `Well, this "is" an Italian restaurant....' "Waitress:" `Yes, but
it's in "Scarborough", for God's sake.' [PB] "Iain Banks" danced
erotically with a giant inflatable Edvard Munch `Scream' doll from the
"Linda Krawecke" Bad Taste Collection. "John Jarrold" loudly bewailed
his 40th birthday but drowned the sorrow so effectively that he vanished
for what seemed a whole day. "Faith Brooker" delivered a harpy tirade
against worthless "Dave Langford" for having even mentioned the BSFA"
Matrix" rumour that the Gollancz graphic-novels line might have folded.
`We've signed up Pratchett's "Mort",' she screeched in triumph, `and
something by Gaiman & McKean too, so "there"!' As your editor searched
the floor for portions of his anatomy, Faith flounced off with the
parting cry, `"AND MAKE SURE YOU PRINT THAT!"' "Colin Greenland"
relentlessly plugged his new Arabian fantasy "Harem's Way". "Peter
Weston" geriatrically wheezed: `I'm in Rotary now. Fandom for the over-
50s.' "Eileen Weston" looked fondly on young "Martin Smith" and cried,
`Tighten those thighs, Martin!' "Gamma" hugely increased the health
and sobriety level of Mexicon by (in company with D.West and founder Greg
Pickersgill) not turning up. Also not drinking at Mexicon were "Rog
Peyton" (`I just need to lose a few stone and then ...') and spiritually
healed but still fragile "Simon Ounsley". "Ken Campbell"'s threatened
one-man show "Pigspurt" became a try-out performance of its new sequel
"Jamais Vu"; our all-"Stableford" review team reported `Great stuff ...
beyond compare!' "(Brian)"; `A bit "rude".' "(Kate)" "BSFA Awards"
went to Kim Stanley Robinson's "Red Mars" (novel), other other GoH Ian
McDonald's `The Innocents' (short) and Jim Burns's "Hearts, Hands and
Voices" cover (art). The long-heralded "BSFA AGM" saw what "Ch*rles
Str*ss" called `wholly democratic unanimous votes and equally democratic
one-candidate elections'. Co-ordinator "Kev McVeigh" was shuffled aside
as Vice-President for Keeping Rather Quiet In Future, in favour of "Catie
Cary" and "Maureen Speller"; the apathy-ridden Dramatic Presentation
award category got the chop. "Linda Krawecke"'s Collection also gave
Mexicon the "Abigail Frost" `Fuck Off And Die' editorial pistol, in the
shape of a one-legged dinosaur with a huge, penile trigger; the
revoltingly tactile rubber Brain (of Mexicon) with its large black
moustache; and a video programme consisting entirely of epics like
"Piranha Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death". "Pam Wells" managed
to fall off two trains en route to the event and frequently showed people
her scars. "Tom Shippey" gave the Mexicon Lecture, infuriating Tech
people by hurling himself to and fro, away from the microphone, out of
the spotlight, etc. `Who needs a PA to hear "Shippey"?' said one fan,
adding: `And not being able to see him is a huge improvement.' "Late-
night Vignette:" a bleary but drooling "Simon Polley" hotly demanded to
know the name of that short-skirted beauty over there, until informed
that she was his wife. "Intersection" was referred to in hushed,
superstitious tones as The Scottish Convention, and Tim Illingworth (in
absentia) as `the Thane'. "Rob Holdstock" panted, `The slap of a wet
oak leaf is one of the things I love most.' Only "Nic Farey" managed
to collect the quota of 30 bottle-tops from vile `Corona' Mexican beer
required for a free t-shirt. "BASTARDS! SCUM! BASTARDS!" This tactful
headline in the "Cactus Times" newsletter (following an argument about
bar tables reserved `for hotel residents' but not for Mexicon members
residing in the hotel) led to very careful apologies next issue.
Meanwhile "Arnold Akien" showed how to complain about noise by telling
a glazed-eyed receptionist, `There's this "expiring dinosaur" trapped
within the "walls" of my "room"....' Plumbing problems seemed widespread;
tact forbids discussion of how I survived 4 nights with no bath and a dud
shower, but this proved worth 10% off my hotel bill. "Paul Brazier"
amazed the world with the third issue of his utterly wonderful "Nexus SF"
(#2.95), comprehensively reporting Mexicon IV in 1991. "The Kim Newman
Appreciation Society" was unilaterally launched by "Linda Krawecke". Her
live-in artist "Dave Carson" professed himself unable to do human faces,
only Lovecraftian horrors, but seemed quite happy to sketch the idol of
this fan club.... "Arriba!"
### THE EMPIRE NEVER ENDED ###
KEN CAMPBELL offers further previews of "Jamais Vu" (follows "Furtive
Nudist" and "Pigspurt" in an `epic comic triplology') in Sept/Oct;
official world premiere Oct; SAE for fuller details.
JOHN CLUTE revealed to an awed BSFA meeting that the secret of
getting "Encyclopaedia"s into print was to swindle the publishers and
never, never let them know how much over budget the thing will inevitably
go. He cheerily hefted a wad of paper not as thick as the "SF
Encyclopaedia" itself, being the initial batch of faxed corrections from
the Americans.... A first update leaflet is available -- SAE to 221
Camden High St, NW1 7BU. "But:" `I have a "lot" of things to add to
this,' chorused John Grant, Roger Robinson, Brian Stableford and many
more.
AVRAM DAVIDSON died on 8 May of a heart attack. He was 70. [CM] His
best work ("The Phoenix and the Mirror, The Enquiries of Dr Eszterhazy")
remains depressingly out of print.
LESTER DEL REY died on 11 May or thereabouts. [JC]
ANDY SAWYER became the SF Foundation's first paid administrator
since 1980, after a death struggle between 55 applicants (whittled to a
shortlist of 6, including Brian Stableford). His scientifictional duties
in Liverpool begin on 1 August.
ANDREW STEPHENSON -- COMIX MEGASTAR? Andrew is in process of selling
a `new comic character' to Marvel UK after 3 years of trying. A 4-book
miniseries may be on the cards; no details revealed except that the whole
thing is `dead intelligent'.
GEORGE TURNER (76) suffered a stroke in late April, while his
flatmate was away. `[He] was paralysed on the right side, and couldn't
speak, and therefore couldn't telephone anyone. So he cleaned himself up
as best he could, and then waited three days until his biographer Judith
Buckrich happened to telephone. George lifted the receiver, and Judith
realized when no one spoke that something was wrong, and came and found
him.' [YR] At last report (now some weeks ago) he was recovering in
hospital, fed by IV but `extremely perky'....
KARL EDWARD WAGNER addends: `U fergot to mention that the highlight
of the Author C.Burk Award Bash was when yer man stood up to say he
wasn't going to make a speech and then spoke for seven hours nonstop,
whilst we peons drank funny beers and only ten quid a bottle. Dave Carson
and I found a dish of olives before passing out from boredom. We ate
them. I had to tell Dave about the pits. The ones in the olives.'
### CONCUPISCIBLE? ###
9 Jun BSFA, The Conservatory, with Colin Greenland. #1.
10 Jun INTERSECTION `is having a ConFrancisco brainstorm at LCFI,
19:00-ish on. All welcome.' [JG-A] I gather this means the Royal Oak pub,
Pimlico; St James's Park tube.
18 Jun BRITISH FANTASY SOC open night with F.Paul Wilson. 18:30
onward at Falkland Arms, Bloomsbury Way, London.
25-7 Jun UNICON (sf; not a Unicon), Unicorn Hotel, Bristol. #20
reg. Contact 55 Kildare Rd, Knowle, Bristol, BS4.
26 Jun WEDDING: Maureen Speller and Paul Kincaid.
12-19 Sep MILFORD (UK) SF WRITERS' CONFERENCE, in Keswick,
Cumbria. Published authors only. Contact 56 More Close, St Paul's Ct,
Gliddon Rd, London, W14 9BN.
30-31 Oct OCTOCON (Irish national con), Royal Marine Hotel, Dun
Laoghaire. GoH Storm Constantine, Steve Dillon. #15 reg. Contact 20
Newgrove Ave, Sandymount, Dublin 4.
27-30 May 94 INCONCEIVABLE (humour/sf), Tudor Court Hotel near
Derby. #20 reg (#18 for Octarine or ZZ9 members). Contact 12 Crich Ave,
Littleover, Derby, DE23 6ES. Ho ho!
"Rumblings" The Scottish Convention: 1995 worldcon co-chair Vince
Docherty (still in Oman) has now stepped down in favour of awesome Martin
Easterbrook. `Given the lassitude Intersection is displaying over
processing cheques and issuing PRs,' says tactful Steve Green, `shouldn't
they be placed in charge of next year's Grand National? At least we'd be
sure it wouldn't start prematurely.' CONFABULATION: in the tradition
of wicked beermat scrawls from Croydon, a faxed "Computer Weekly" story
about a conference in the Docklands Britannia Hotel ('95 Eastercon venue)
claims the place was `too yuppie' even for computer people, who whinged
about `#2 for a small lager' and stayed away in droves. [DVB] A one-
day MEXICON 6 may happen in '94 for the 10th anniversary (and 20th of
Tynecon) -- venue undecided, but `somewhere on Inter-City': London, Brum,
Newcastle? So far all is flux, but the '94 date offers the possibility
of skipping to a MEXICON 7 in '96 and avoiding the UK Worldcon year.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
AMERITEMPS? The Midnight Rose shared-world collective is crossing its
fingers madly over a rumour that Roc in the USA (having bemusedly noticed
that several copies were sold) might now publish a "Best Of the Roc-UK
Anthologies" collection.
FOOD CORNER with DUFF co-winner Leah Smith: `Because Leah is the
food-page editor of her local newspaper, she felt obliged in Perth to
sample the local "cuisine", including witchetty grubs. I understand that
Terry Pratchett ate witchetty grubs (cooked, in French-style garlic
sauce) with great enjoyment, anticipating the ghoulish pleasure of
describing his deed later to Brits with sensitive stomachs -- but I think
Leah managed to eat only half a grub (in which she could distinguish the
taste only of garlic sauce). I am sorry to say that (simply meaning to
be helpful) I mentioned that the traditional way to eat witchetty grubs
was raw and wriggling.... We showed Leah some of the Australian
Broadcasting Commission's video "Bush Tucker Man", in which Major Les
Hiddens and a group of Aboriginal people eat alive not only witchetty
grubs and sugar ants, but also a muddy-looking species of worm. No doubt
because she was falling asleep where she sat, Leah providentially had her
eyes closed through most of this.' [YR] "Also sighted Down Under:"
`visiting awful fantasy writer Robert Jordan, of whom it was agreed that
sending him out on tour was a very good way to warn people off buying his
books.' [JH]
C.O.A. ETC. "Ken Lake:" last issue's Fiji address is no longer
valid. "Helen McNabb", 1 Grange Gdns, Llantwit Major, S Glam, CF61 2UX.
"SF Nexus" costs #10/4 issues ($25 outside UK) to PO Box 1123, Brighton,
BN1 6JS. "Sylvia Starshine", Flat 7, Stanhope Rd, Highgate, N6.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: SWAHILI. "Colin Fine" explains that words
beginning "ki-" pluralize to "vi-", and thus "vipilefti", `roundabouts',
is the inevitable plural of "kipilefti"....
ASIMOV AWARD ... it had to come. $500 annual prize for the best
unpublished sf/fantasy short by a full-time undergraduate. Guidelines and
submissions: "Asimov Award", USF 3177, 4204 E.Fowler, Tampa, FL 33620-
3177, USA. Deadline 15 Nov.
"JOHN W.CAMPBELL LETTERS VOL II": Asimov & van Vogt correspondence
now out, $47 inc from AC Projects, 5106 Old Harding Rd, Franklin, TN
37064. Overseas post may be extra. [GH]
TAX ASSESSMENT. Has Jack Vance had some experience of UK freelance
taxation? In his novel "Throy", the official term for brutal and summary
punishment without trial is ... Schedule D.
HARPERCOLLINS SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY will be the new, easily
pronounced replacement for the boring old Grafton and Fontana imprints
-- as of August. ["Fire & Water", May]
JOYFUL TIDINGS. Rumour has it that famous "Joy Hibbert" is expecting
a baby fathered by reclusive hyperfan "Harry Bond", while erstwhile
menage member "Dave Rowley" is in retreat somewhere else with someone
else. "Abigail Frost" is `considering as my inaugural TAFF fundraiser a
sweepstake on whether the brat's first words will be "Blhog, Fiawol,
Beanie" or "Castrate the bastards!"'
CORRECTIONS. "A70": one Hugo short-story nomination omitted, `The
Arbitrary Placement of Walls' by Martha Soukup. "Pat Cadigan" demands
an abject apology for "Ansible"'s suggestion that (in connection with
certain "Pulphouse/F&SF" editorial advice) she once said `Blow it out
your ass!' This, she raged, was `just the START of a 20-MINUTE DRUNKEN
TIRADE!' We grovel.
BSFA LIFE MEMBERSHIPS are now available at #150. Strewth!
FICTION SUPPLEMENT. A Mexicon newsletter competition for 8-word
novels (idea pinched from Nick Lowe) was won by Andy Lane's "The 90s SF
Novel Revisited:" `Elvis calling Mars. Kennedy dead. I'm coming home.'
Best retelling: Brian Stableford's "The Time Machine by A.Morlock:"
`Stuff good public relations, there's Eloi for tea!'. (The other judge
preferred his "The Island of Dr Moreau by A.Beast:" `Hand over your
women! Are we not men?') My own condensed "Bug Jack Barron" was ruled
ineligible ... `Forever, televised live, she sucked his nitty-gritty.'
MAIL AUCTION. Brian Ameringen offers six coveted "Diana Wynne Jones"
first editions (1973-6). SAE for complicated details to 9 Graham Rd,
Wealdstone, Harrow, HA3 5RP. First bidding round ends 30 June.
SPELLBOUND. "Harpers Magazine" featured lists of words from noted
novels at which a spell-checker balked. In Stephen King's "Misery", for
example: "autocannibalism, effword, ensouled, flumping, goosepimples,
gravedigger, gunsel, guthole, horrorscope, incantatory, kaka, perfervid,
pigfeed, poxy, strappado, stuporously, uncoalesced, weals, whoink...."
TAFF VOX POP. Normal alternation means a Europe->NA race in '95 when
the Worldcon's over "here". So there's a mini-referendum on what to do:
skip a year? shuffle the sequence? Forms from "Abigail Frost."
THE ONLIE BEGETTER: `Back in 1977 a debut novel called "Sword of
Shannara" appeared and immediately invented the Epic Fantasy scene.
Moving light-years away from the traditional theme of flawed futures, it
instead depicted a fantastic other world of our mythological past. "[...
The SHANNARA series]" made Terry Brooks into one of the most powerful
names in fantasy fiction as well as one of the most widely imitated.'
("W.H.Smith Bookcase #43") Imitated, presumably, by feisty young
plagiarists Morris, Eddison and Tolkien among others.... ["DW"]
[]
Ansible 71 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Paul Barnett, David
V.Barrett, Chris Bell, CACTUS TIMES, John Clute, DREAMBERRY WINE, Mike
Ford, Abigail Frost, John Grant, Jacky Gruter-Andrew, Judith Hanna,
George Hay, Caroline Mullan, Necronomicon Press, Roger Robinson, Yvonne
Rousseau and -- as ever -- Our Hero Distributors.
3/6/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 72
JULY 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" is available for SAEs, whim, #12/year,
etc. Kim Newman Appreciation Society artwork by DAVE MOORING.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
WATCH THIS SPACE: as we go to press the death struggle between Little,
Brown and Millennium to commission the "Fantasy Encyclopaedia" (companion
volume to ...) is in its final phase.
### THE MARCH OF MIND ###
PIERS ANTHONY's personal statements are always intellectual treats. In
the "British Fantasy Society Newsletter"'s `Desert Island Books' spot he
chooses, for his `single item of no practical use whatsoever', a critic.
Also he would take "Finnegans Wake" plus a guide to understanding it
(written presumably by a cr*t*c), and the complete works of George
Bernard Shaw (that fine dramatic and musical cr*t*c). Why Shaw? `As an
outspoken vegetarian writer of greater competence than the critics claim,
I relate well to him....' I love it, I love it. ["BFSN"]
DAVID CLARK, ConFrancisco chair, warns of new convention peril:
Vampire Cats in Arizona! `At Westercon, there was a woman going around
with a black cat. The cat wore a black cape with a red lining. This was
Vladimir, a "vampire". His fangs were rather long, though I'm told this
isn't uncommon in cats. He was being wheeled around in a little coffin,
being made available for photographs. His mistress -- his "human slave",
as she puts it -- is working to build Vladimir a career as a photogenic
cat for commercials, TV and such. (He was so relaxed about dealing with
people that we were debating which tranquillizer had been used.) At the
Vladimir Party it was revealed unto us that we could purchase Vladimir
mounted photographs, and Vladimir key-chains, and Vladimir photo buttons.
"And" the Vladimir fanzine. We were able to tear ourselves away from this
bounty....'
LES DAWSON, who died in June, will be remembered as a very funny
comedian and not -- we hope -- for his staggeringly awful horror-fantasy
"A Time Before Genesis" (1988). See `How "Not" To Write A Novel' by David
Garnett in "Vector" 144.
LILIAN EDWARDS knows how to acquire "Ansible"s: `Stamped addressed
envelopes? I'll get my secretary to send you some.'
WILLIAM GOLDING of "Lord of the Flies" fame died on 19 June aged 81.
Anthony Burgess's obituary complained that WG didn't write enough; a
great scratching of pens was heard as the obvious rejoinder was added to
many draft Burgess obits....
JOHN GRANT exults: `Red Fox have seen sense and decided that 12 LONE
WOLF novels is probably enough. The temptation is considerable to make
#12 end with the most stupendous cliffhanger -- as Our Hero dangles by
a single blade of grass over the cauldron of bubbling lava, a crossbow-
bolt is already hissing towards his groin, but if the caterpillar chews
through the grass in time he'll drop just far enough that the bolt merely
parts his hair rather than getting him in the chest, so that as he falls
he can unsheathe the Sommerswerd, strap it across his shoulders and
thereby gain just enough airlift that he can glide past the rim of the
cauldron and into the relative safety of a pitched battle between mutant
necromancers and giant carnivorous slugs left over from millennia ago
when the legions of Agarash the Damned stalked the world; on the other
hand, if the caterpillar chews just a mite too slowly ... "could this be
The End?" It's going to be hard for me to get out of the habit, you
know.'
DAVID A.HARDY announces the 20th birthday of his green plasticene
alien `Bhen' (created 1973; seen on various "F&SF" covers since Nov 75;
endemic in Birmingham). Dave protests that Bhen is not a `little green
man' but, as evident from the scale of accompanying NASA hardware in the
paintings, over 2.5 metres tall. "How did a mere artist afford all that
plasticene?"
DAVE LANGFORD whinges that "PCW Plus" magazine is axing his
legendary column (along with other outside contributions) as part of a
cost-cutting exercise. He confidently expects his millions of fans not
to write in and complain.
CHRIS PRIEST visited the doctor to have a horrid mole removed and
became a guinea pig: `While I was in the waiting room, a man was sitting
there with a big case and a large bottle of liquid nitrogen. Ha ha,
thought I, smart-aleck as ever, bet he's in for a kidney transplant.
Turns out he's a rep from a medical supplies company, here to demonstrate
a nifty new liquid-nitrogen scalpel on, well, er, me. I now have a black
crater where my chest was, slowly warming up....' Besides the ignominy
of being operated on by a "salesman", Chris had to go back a week later
for a real doctor to finish the (botched) job. After which he was
`stitched together by the head of the Dartmoor Mailbag Division'....
DAVID PRINGLE has `combined' his ailing "Million: the Magazine About
Popular Fiction" (now, alas, down to 500-odd subscribers) with
"Interzone". Anyone remember the "Million/IZ" crossover issue furore? No,
actually the merger announcement scheduled for "IZ74" radiates soothing
signals in all directions: erstwhile "Million" subscribers will get "IZ"
and are assured that several "Million" features like Brian Stableford's
`Yesterday's Bestsellers' series will continue to appear there, while for
"IZ" readers the message is that "Interzone" `will not change its
nature'. [DP]
CARL SAGAN habitually asks UFO nuts who claim contact with alien
intelligence to prove it by passing on the superior ETs' proof of
Fermat's Last Theorem. Following Prof.A.Wiles's mindboggling announcement
of a proof at a Cambridge lecture on 23 June, Sagan could soon be getting
a lot of mail.... Since the hard bit reputedly runs to 200 pages, Fermat
was right: a bloody enormous margin will be needed to contain it.
### CONDYLOPODS ###
2 Jul "WEERDE 2" anthology signing, 5:30, Dillon's, Oxford.
3 Jul ARMAGEDDON FIREWORKS, Whitchurch, Reading -- contact Martin
Hoare or Hugh Mascetti. #4 at the gate.
14 Jul BSFA, The Conservatory/Munchen upstairs bar. Chris Evans
and Garry Kilworth hold forth. 7:30ish.
17-19 Jul CONTAGION (Trek), Hospitality Inn, Glasgow. #35 reg.
Contact PO Box 867, Rutherglen, G73 4HR.
24 Jul DANGERCON V (humorous sf/kids' TV), Croydon. #3 reg. 11am-
11pm. Contact 37 Keens Rd, Croydon, CR0 1AH.
30 Jul-1 Aug LUNICON (Unicon 14), Leeds. GoH Roger Zelazny. #12
reg, #6 for students. Contact LUU, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 1UH.
1 Aug WOTTACON ("Dr Who"), Imperial Hotel, Exeter. #12.50 reg.
Contact 3 Victoria Clo, Kenton, Exeter, EX6 8JX.
2-6 Sep CONFRANCISCO (51st Worldcon), San Francisco. Reg $125 to
16 Jul, then $145 at the door. Contact (UK) 12 Stannard Rd, London, E8
1DB.
12-19 Sep MILFORD (UK) SF WRITERS' CONFERENCE cancelled. Too many
people going to ConFrancisco instead, they say. [CS]
1-3 Oct FANTASYCON XVIII, Nameless (in the flyer, anyway) Hotel,
Birmingham. #30 reg; BFS members #20. Contact 137 Priory Rd, Hall Green,
Birmingham, B28 0TG.
12-14 Nov ARMADACON V, Astor Hotel, The Hoe, Plymouth. #20 reg.
Various guests, all `subject to work commitments'. Contact 4 Gleneagle
Ave, Mannamead, Plymouth, PL3 5HL.
4-6 Mar 94 MASQUE III (costume con), Stakis Victoria Hotel,
Nottingham. #20 reg to 30 Dec 93. Contact 4 Ednaston Ct, Ashbourne,
Derbyshire, DE6 3BA.
20-22 May 94 CORFLU NOVA (fanzine con), Arlington, VA, USA. $37
reg. Contact PO Box 1350, Germantown, MD 20875. Corflu plans to exhume
a long-dead horror: the partly rugose and partly squamous Fanzine
Activity Achievement Awards.
"Rumblings" The Scottish Convention's first progress report was
sighted at a fan gathering on 27 June. Many swooned or spoke in tongues.
Miraculous cures were rumoured. Pigs flew. That SPELLER/KINCAID
WEDDING (26 June) was a riot of something or other, with standing room
only in Folkestone's tiny registry office. Our fashion reporter forgets
everything but Paul's puce paisley waistcoat and the bell-bedizened
anklets that best woman Moira Shearman was persuaded to remove for the
actual ceremony. The bride wore something purple with glittery bits.
Others wore clothes. Best man Chris Priest almost made a speech but
thought better of it, thus wasting the nanoseconds of research which had
supplied him with the Doc Smith marriage line traditionally quoted at all
Martin Hoare's weddings: "`Then, as Kinnison kissed his wife, half a
million Lensed members were thrust upward in silent salute.'" The rest
is drunken silence.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
"A71" CORRECTIONS. It was BSFA "Matrix" 104, not infallible "Critical
Wave", which rumoured that the Gollancz graphic-novels line might be
folding and led to hapless Dave `Well, I Just Mentioned There "Was" A
Rumour' Langford being severely chastised by Gollancz's Faith `Strict
Disciplinarian' Brooker. Also "Paul Barnett"'s lawyers demand the
insertion of the statement (re Mexicon), `It was "Stross"'s shorts that
were unspeakable.'
HODLINE OR HEADER? Hodder & Stoughton sent circulars to their
authors on 3 June, insisting that the coming merger with Headline as
Hodder Headline PLC was a Jolly Good Thing. What luck -- one fewer sf
list to worry about selling to!
EXOTIC IMAGERY. Reported in a forthcoming Robert Jordan epic: `The
words left Elaida's mouth like a whip.' `Now Danelle's big blue eyes
looked thoughtfully inward.' [Anon] Aussie radio, of a corpse: `In an
advanced state of decomposition, she was said to be an affectionate
mother.' ["SoEN"]
STAMP OUT MORIARTY! UK stamps depicting scenes and people from
Sherlock Holmes stories are to appear on 12 Oct, marking the centenary
of Holmes's `death' at the Reichenbach Falls (er, but ...). David Pringle
suggests `a write-in campaign on behalf of Wells's Martians', but that
centenary isn't until 1998: how about Eloi and Morlock stamps for "The
Time Machine" in '95?
"MENG & ECKER 6", latest issue of the first comic to be banned in
the UK, turned up from Savoy Books. The highlight is a 7-page official
transcript of the Greater Manchester Police interviewing scriptwriter
David Britton about seized comics last year: it's non-communication to
the point of surrealism. I wasn't that wild about the comic itself, which
offers a scattering of OK jokes amid much murky artwork and determined
Greater Manchester Police-baiting (good heavens, such "bravery", here is
someone "screwing a pig", the frontiers of art are "hurled back"). But
I would defend to the point of extremely minor inconvenience Savoy's
right to publish it. The price is #1.75.
C.O.A. ETC. "Dick & Leah Smith", 410 W.Willow Rd, Prospect Hts, IL
60070-1250, USA (a road is being built through their old place!). "Hazel
Marchington & Robert Newman" will be married on 2 July. [MP]
"SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA" UPDATES. The most mysterious item in the "SFE"
update sheet (see "A71") came from Harlan ELLISON: `"The Book of Ellison"
(1978) is unauthorized.' Since most of its text is by HE himself, this
implies wicked literary piracy on the part of publisher Algol Press --
that is, Andrew Porter of "SF Chronicle" infamy, who remarks somewhat
bitterly that HE never objected when receiving royalties: `If the book
was unauthorized, then Ellison's left hand didn't know what his right
hand was agreeing to.' Spies report that the most vituperative
comments came from Piers Anthony, that one of the US computer nets rang
with cries of rage at the `omission' of Vonda McIntyre (someone
misunderstood the alphabetization convention), and that Larry Niven
responded to "SFE" hints about loss of `joy' in his later work by sadly
agreeing it was so. An even newer update sheet is expected soon, as
addenda pour in. The "Nimbus" CD-ROM edition planned for `late June'
seems to have been delayed, but they've sent another jolly sample CD of
their wares, 128Mb including all of "Frankenstein" and "Dracula...."
RAIDERS OF THE LOST DUCK. Anecdote from `Lucasfilm Archives, a
state-of-the-art 28,000 sq ft barn': archivist Don Bies grows weary of
visitors asking if they can open the Ark of the Covenant from "Raiders",
and of telling them their very souls might be endangered. So inside the
thing he places two objects, and waits. In due course a brave fool lifts
the lid and reels back at ultimate horror: a Howard the Duck mask and a
sign reading I TOLD YOU YOU'D REGRET OPENING IT. [DLR] Gosh, how droll.
TEN YEARS AGO. The "TLS" discussed Japanese comics' conventional
sounds for activities like slurping noodles ("suru-suru"), reddening with
embarrassment ("po"), adding cold cream to hot coffee ("suron") and
vanishing into thin air ("fu"). The news that `When a penis suddenly
stands erect the accepted sound is "biin"' led to wild surmise about a
Japanese origin for the famous sound of Heinlein's nipples, "spung"....
("Ansible 34", Jul 83)
### PROOFS OF HOLY WRIT ###
[Fascinating documents float around the world of publishing. Paul Barnett
worked on the proofs of the coming "Before the Sun Falls" by William
James, and felt it was so awfully written that it would damage Orbit's
reputation if not heavily edited. Orbit decided not to bother: the author
is said to be `touchy' about his immortal prose. Here's an excerpt from
a very long Barnett letter to the Orbit editor....]
For example, we have what I've come to call cliche-rivers. The
author doesn't quite know what to do with his characters when they're
mouthing dialogue, and has a limited gamut of incidental actions for them
to perform. In any twenty-page stretch of the text you're almost certain
to encounter not just a few but "all" of the following at least once,
some of them (as asterisked) several times over:
*he showed his teeth *he gave him a hard, flat, cold, level or
expressionless stare (about every two pages someone gives someone else
a stare of some kind -- I particularly liked the single despairing
instance of giving `an oblique stare') he produced a "[pick from the
limited variety above]" stare *he looked down his nose *he wrinkled
his nose *he smiled grimly he smiled sourly *he grinned the
corners of his mouth twitched *he pursed his lips (this one is so
frequent it was driving me nuts) *the head came round *his head
went back his head came up his st'lyan screamed his st'lyan
danced (first third of book only) he sidestepped his st'lyan (latter
two-thirds of book only) he opened his mouth, then closed it again []
he clenched his teeth he seemed/appeared to do something (while in
fact doing it -- as in `he appeared to hesitate') *he made a face []
something flashed in his eyes but then was gone he reined around []
his eyes went wide he nodded (after having spoken an assent) he
shook his head (after having spoken a dissent or negation) he rolled
the cup between the palms of his hands it was as if a message of some
kind passed between them he stirred the grass with his toe
Others are more localized. For example, early on a shipboard Kubulai
spits expressively over the side; just a few pages later someone else
comes up and, presumably inspired by his lord's example, "also" spits
expressively over the side. This is in the midst of all the other,
expressionless spits over the side that are going on, you understand....
"[There is much more. A st'lyan, I gather, is a bit like a h'rse.]"
Ansible 72 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to John Bangsund's Society of
Editors Newsletter, Paul Barnett, John Clute, Mark Plummer, Andy Porter,
David Pringle, David L.Russell and Our Distributors: Vikki Lee France,
Steve Jeffrey, Janice Murray, Charlie `I will make you famous on the Net'
Stross, Alan Stewart, Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson.
1/7/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 73
AUGUST 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" can be had by accosting the editor, by
making him rich, or for stamped addressed envelopes (1 per copy).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
### NIGHT'S BLACK AGENTS ###
MIKE BISHOP struggles to write something suitable on an "`I was an
American Spy!'" movie postcard: `On a secret mission to your country last
year, I sifted through the trash of John Major and discovered via
discarded subscription labels that he regularly reads "Soldier of
Fortune, Fortune, The New Yorker," DC Comics' "Wasteland, The New
Hampshire Waste Control Digest, Watch Your Waist with Richard Simmons"
and other publications I am too discreet to list on a postcard. / No one
in your country will buy "Count Geiger's Blues". Are you responsible?'
"[Never -- Ed.]"
JOHN BRUNNER, sad to say, is now sending out a depressed circular
about the poor state of his marriage with LiYi (`I asked whether she
would take #20,000 to go back to China....').
PAT CADIGAN, voice of moderation, supplies another soundbite:
`Nobody tells "me" I can't puke on a few fans if I want to!'
STEPHEN MARLEY was bemused to discover, on the BY THE SAME AUTHOR
page of his "Mortal Mask", that his novel about the Madonna is called
"The Life of the Virgin Marley". [PB]
COLIN MURRAY, ace Orbit editor, responds to "A72"'s leaked comments
on the "Before the Sun Falls" proofs: `It's a most unusual occurrence for
obsessive proofreaders who send slightly crazed four-page faxes to
publishers to admit to such personality defects in print, even in such
august and highbrow publications as "Ansible". Since Paul Barnett has
courageously chosen to come out of the closet and admit to a problem in
public, it may be useful for "Ansible" readers to learn how the
affliction is best coped with by those closest to the sufferer.
`The first course of action is to thank him (those so afflicted are
almost always male) for the efforts he has taken and to indicate whether
or not (usually not) he can expect any result from them and why. It is
very important at this stage to make soothing noises. Otherwise there can
be major inflammation of the ego with all its symptoms: the patient
taking himself too seriously and so forth.
`In the event that the condition persists, it is appropriate to
remind the proofreader that he is just that -- someone who reads proofs
against copy to determine the accuracy of the printer -- and while his
views are valued, there have to be very pressing reasons (sometimes there
are) to put a succession of minor points to the author at that late
stage. After all, authors are also entitled to strong views about their
prose and often, to the apparent surprise of the sufferer, express them
forcefully.
`In the virulent form of the disease, as here, it is necessary
(leaving aside matters of trust and confidentiality) to remind the
sufferer that F.R.Leavis didn't care much for James Joyce's prose, and
to ask him if he, as the writer of such distinguished and memorable lines
as "Rehan was seasick for most of the two-day crossing, and Kursten
tended him solicitously except when she didn't" (p.218, "The World",
"John Grant") really has much sound advice to offer other writers.
`If all this fails than one can always suggest that the sufferer
think seriously about the so-called Charles Platt option, and consider
having his head cryogenically frozen -- immediately.' [9-7-93]
CHRIS PRIEST escaped national fame in July: `For the fiftieth year
running, "The Guardian" neglected to note my birthday....'
STEVE SNEYD `just read a poem of mine "re" an alien spy passing as
"one of us" (John Major?) as light relief in a Radio Sussex UFO phone-in
(by invitation & on their phone bill, thank dog) -- felt the guy who'd
seen UFOs over Brighton 7 miles up and been told by the fuzz it was light
glinting off seagulls' wings had me well beaten in the poetic imagery
stakes.'
THEODORE STURGEON, I learned only when Leslie Charteris died this
year, ghosted the oddest of all the Saint stories: `The Darker Drink'
(1947) -- retitled `Dawn' in the 1949 "Saint Errant".
DAVID WINGROVE's legendary Chung Kuo series is being repackaged by
NEL: it was doing less well than hoped, and the covers must be at fault.
Out goes the `hard sf' image (they say; looked like a chinoiserie image
to me). In come sensuous Jim Burns covers from US editions, with the
words Chung Kuo reduced to microprint. The new blurb line `Bladerunner
meets Shogun in the epic future history' has provoked imitations ...
offered a similar catchphrase for "Harm's Way", Colin Greenland paled at
`Doc Smith rapes Jane Austen on the high spaceways!'
DW adds: `I actually went to China for the first time last month --
courtesy of "YOU" magazine (they're running an article on the trip 5
Sept) -- and loved it. It was genuinely like being on an alien planet ...
all those X's and Z's in the names, and Dongs and Wangs everywhere you
looked.' [21 July]
ROGER WODDIS the poet and parodist died in July aged 76: sf fans
will remember his "Prisoner" script, "Hammer into Anvil".
### CONESSINE ###
7-15 Aug MINEHEAD SPACE AGE EXHIBITION. Contact Town Hall, The Parade,
Minehead, TA24 5NB. 0643 707213.
11 Aug BSFA meeting cancelled -- the Conservatory pub has cast
it out for not drinking enough (boo, hiss).
27-30 Aug HOLODECK, 36th UK Trek con, Telford Moat House Hotel.
Contact PO Box 29, Hitchin, Herts, SG4 9TG.
27-29 Aug GREENWOOD IV ("Robin of Sherwood"), Shepperton Moat
House Hotel, Middlesex. #28 reg. Contact `High Hopes', La Vrangue, St
Peter Port, Guernsey, C.I.
29-31 Aug EUROPEAN SKEPTICS' CONFERENCE with `alternative
medicine' focus, Keele Univ. #25 reg. Contact 10 Crescent View, Loughton,
Essex, IG10 4PZ. 081 508 2989.
2-6 Sep CONFRANCISCO (51st Worldcon), Moscone Convention Centre,
San Francisco: $145 at the door.
4-5 Sep PANOPTICON ("Dr Who"), Novotel Hotel, London. Contact PO
Box 357, London, SW19 8BT.
?Jun 94 MEXICON 6, most probably a `one-day programme, between
two hotel nights ... in Newcastle'. #9.50 reg. Contact 121 Cape Hill,
Smethwick, Warley, West Midlands, B66 4SH.
25 Jul 94 COSMIC EXPLOSION caused by giant comet hitting Jupiter
(final deadline). Surely no sf fan would wish to avert such a spectacle
by meeting God's blackmail demands -- as conveyed by `Sister Marie
Gabriel' in full-page UK newspaper ads, beginning "`Drastically reduce
the crime rate by copying Saudi Arabia's successful system of law and
order'", and also requiring the abolition of porn, alcohol, vivisection,
war and immodest female dress. However, Sister Nutter warns that `global
extinction by a giant asteroid' will follow if we don't take heed. [JN]
29-30 Oct 94 WHO'S 7 ("Dr Blake" event), Queens Hotel, Crystal
Palace, London. `Featuring guests.' #30 reg to end 93. Contact 131 Norman
Rd, Leytonstone, London, E11 4RJ.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
THE THE SUN SUN FALLS FALLS? SF gossip circles buzzed all July with
rumours about William James's SUNFALL (Orbit), a `Mongol hordes on
distant planet' trilogy comprising "The Earth is the Lord's", "The Other
Side of Heaven" and (unpublished; coincidentally mentioned last issue)
"Before the Sun Falls". Parts of the published books are said to bear an
uncanny resemblance to scenes in Cecilia Holland's 1969 historical novel
about Mongol hordes, "Until the Sun Falls". Merely scanning James's Book
1 and the first 50pp of Holland's, an "Ansible" spy found and sent me
several corresponding passages not easily explained via common
nonfictional research sources ... there are similar bits of dialogue and
action as well as background. According to the grapevine, publishers
Little, Brown had all the documents in the case examined and subsequently
Discussed Things with James -- who allegedly muttered of reading the
Holland book long ago and being now amazed by the quirk of memory that
led him to echo certain of its scenes. In mid-July "Ansible" asked
LB/Orbit about the truth of all this chatter and still awaits the
company's official, stalwart defence of its author.
EXPLAIN IT AGAIN, PROFESSOR. Circular to subscribers: `I hope that
you enjoyed the final issue of "Quantum", which, as you know, was our
final issue.' ("SF Eye" replacement subs are offered.)
C.O.A. ETC. "Lilian Edwards" ["temporary", 12 Aug-15 Dec], 3854 W
38th Ave, Vancouver, BC, V6N 2Y4, Canada. "Mike Ford" longs to share a
room at ConFrancisco: groupies phone 0532 753663. "Gwen Funnell", 25 St
Leonards Rd, Hove, E.Sussex, BN3 4QP. "Zy Nicholson", Room 6, 100 Lower
Oldfield Pk, Bath, Avon, BA2 3HS. "Tim Richards & Narrelle Harris", ex-
pat Aussies, urge fans touring Egypt to contact them: ILI, Mohamed
Bayoumi St, off Merghani St, Heliopolis, Cairo. "Pam Wells", lured to a
Southend flat by her new job, has lost the job (ouch)....
BRAM STOKER AWARD: the annual prize for best horror novel went to
Thomas Monteleone's "Blood of the Lamb". ["SFC"]
FOOD & TRANSLATION. Yvonne Rousseau idly wonders `whether British
eaters have a version of "Nutella": a cocoa-flavoured hazelnut spread,
popular both here and in its birthplace Italy? "[Yes -- Ed.]" William
Weaver publicly admitted (at an Adelaide Festival Writers' Week) that he
represents "hazelnut spread", when translating Italian fiction for
American readers, as "peanut butter", because he opines that peanut
butter is of equivalent popularity in the U.S., and that the General
Reader will never have heard of hazelnut spread (which, moreover, he
himself esteems to be yukky). In the same spirit, in "Foucault's
Pendulum", Weaver wrote "Barbara Cartland" in place of the popular
Italian novelist that Eco had actually mentioned -- thus causing
unnecessary puzzlement to this reader ("Do Italians really dote on
translations of Barbara Cartland? Why does she appeal to them?").
Listening to Weaver, I grew steadily more ferociously opposed to his
Principles of Translation and to his underlying Estimate of the Common
Reader and of the Only Important Culture that readers-of-English
inhabit....'
WHO ARE THE 50 MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN SF? asks Paul Di Filippo in
"SF Age" (July), and gives his choices. Listed earth-shakers of UK origin
or address: J.G.Ballard, Arthur C.Clarke, John Clute, David Garnett, and
an exultant DAVID PRINGLE (now planning his own "Interzone" list of 50
"British" SF Potentates)....
"THE GLAMOUR": BBC Radio 4 version of Priest novel repeated Mon 27
Sept (19:45) for fans who missed its Eastercon airing.
GOSSIP. `... barely averted fisticuffs at the impromptu "Dave Party"
at the Conservatory's Banks/Greenland signing, where several Daves
reportedly had to intervene between Gamma and the manager after Gamma
decided to annexe a large portion of the downstairs bar "for Daves
only"....' [AoK]
ALTERNATE HISTORY. I was not aware that I had ever painted Zsa Zsa
Gabor's face, let alone Pee Wee Herman's, but "Fangoria" magazine never
lies and hidden hands at "The New York Review of SF" eagerly passed on
a (somewhat vomitous) `Spotlight on Success' ad feature informing me that
`David Langford graduated from the Joe Blasco Makeup Artist Training
Center in 1980 and ...' no, no, it's too painful, I can't go on.
"ST JAMES GUIDE TO FANTASY WRITERS:" this new, epic David Pringle
Project is on the go, with "Horror & Gothic" to follow.
AND AGAIN -- Harry Adam Knight fears that people will think the
Gollancz reissue of his "Carnosaur" is naughtily based on "Jurassic
Park", since both have similar scenes involving Mongol hordes -- sorry
-- dinosaurs even though the HAK book predated Michael Crichton's novel
"Jurassic Park" by 6 years. John Brosnan, possibly our greatest living
expert on Knight, loves the sequence in Spielberg's movie where a
charging dinosaur crashes into a display of a fossilized dinosaur
skeleton ... which "by pure coincidence" (his phrase) resembles a scene
found in "Carnosaur" but not, oddly enough, in the Crichton novel.
SECRETS OF THE SAE! "Ansible"'s availability for stamped addressed
"envelopes" means just that -- to save your harassed editor the bother
of printing address labels etc. Mere stamps are Frowned On. "Lilian
Edwards" sniffs: `I don't need to get my secretary to send you envelopes
now as I can get "Ansible" off the net.'
GATEWAYS. `I rang Richard ("The Gate") Newcombe to see what was
news. Unfortunately his magazine's recent lack of history supports Brian
Stableford's comment that British sf publishing is constrained by
economics rather than literature. Issue 4 is typeset and ready -- and has
been for years, awaiting money to print the thing. Past contributors are
still being paid in small slow instalments (I'm still down #42 myself),
getting slower. In his dusty storage boxes are various MSS accepted but
not paid for, not scheduled, not yet returned. Subscribers are in for a
long wait.... Pity. He started "The Gate" trying to publish the kind
of sf he'd like to read, but was poorly advised on marketing and ended
with unsold thousands of the dated-looking first issue. (Still in his
attic. Any offers?) As printers, his people can print the mag but have
no expertise in distribution. Newsstand sales earned him only 45% of an
already low cover price. He tried selling to fan groups, but each bought
just one copy and pased it around. He wrote to publishers and only got
crates of review books worth #100s in shops, when a few battered fivers
would have been more use to produce a magazine in which to review
them.... Wanted, a kindly millionaire.' [DR]
CLARKE AWARD FUN. Arthur C.Clarke Himself reveals that the slight
controversy about this year's award inspired to him start reading the
winner "Body of Glass", which he's enjoying. `As much of the fuss seems
to stem from a belief that Arthur would hate the book, I think this is
extremely funny.' [MS]
ELECTRONIC SKIFFY. That instant CD-ROM anthology of 1993 Hugo/Nebula
stuff turned up and may be the hugest sf collection ever (`Gosh,' Chris
Priest did not say, `a publishing format that might make "The Last
Dangerous Visions" almost feasible!'). All the Hugo-nominated fiction is
there, even novels, plus a vast mass of hitherto unpublished V.Vinge
annotations on his "A Fire Upon the Deep"; additional Nebula stuff
comprises the shorter categories only, with two novelettes including J.
Morrow's winning `City of Truth' password-protected in a manner which,
as I understand the "Apologies For Hideous Bugs" notes, means you can
read them only on a Macintosh. Art, fan and nonfiction (i.e. me) material
is represented with varying spottiness. The voluminous `bonus' text
ranges from mildly interesting (a "New York Review of SF" index) to
unreadable (endless sf computer-net chitchat). Of format horrors like
vanishing double-quotes, em dashes and indentation, let us not speak:
seemingly all this is ascribable to wonky software from an obscure cowboy
outfit called MicroSoft. The CD publisher says reassuringly that the
message "`The picture could not be displayed because of an authoring
error'", which I get in place of certain fan-art and fanzine images, is
unique to me. A hastily corrected edition should be out for ConFrancisco.
[ClariNet Communications Corp, $29.95, for Mac and IBM/Windows]
SCIENCE CORNER. Millennium's very wonderful newsletter "Antivity"
reports: `Up to fifteen per cent of the mass of all land animals is made
up of ants.' Answers on a postcard to "Antivity": "which" 15% of its
editors Deborah Beale & Charon Wood is ...?
FEELING HORNY? The Ellen Kushner/Donald G.Keller anthology of music-
related fantasy "The Horns of Elfland" has not closed (as advertised) but
will be held open for another year. DK is at 30 St Mark's Place,
Brooklyn, NY 11217, USA. [JG]
AND YET AGAIN! Concerned fans studying "Ansible 73" claim evident
plagiarism, both the jokes being strongly reminiscent of original
witticisms featured in "Ansible"s 1-72 inclusive.
Ansible 73 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Anon of Kidlington,
Antivity, Paul Barnett, The Bookseller, John Grant, Joseph Nicholas,
Chris Priest, David Pringle, David Redd, Maureen Speller, SF Chronicle,
David Wingrove and Our Hero Distributors.
5/8/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 74
SEPTEMBER 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" can be had by accosting the editor, by
making him rich, or for stamped addressed envelopes (1 per copy).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
CROSSOVERS: Court action against "Vogue Interzone", the ersatz "Vogue"
produced by artist Christof Kolhofer, prompted "Interzone"'s David
Pringle to issue a reflexive statement about the merger. `Neither "Vogue"
nor "Interzone" subscribers will be disappointed -- all the familiar
features will be preserved, including Brian Stableford's "Yesterday's
Bestselling Cosmetics" series and John Clute's in-depth fashion
analyses....' ["Guardian", 16 Aug
### THE COSMIC COCKTAIL PARTY ###
JOHN BRUNNER repented within mere days of his `marital woes' circular
("A73"), reckoning that poverty is their real trouble. He and LiYi now
plan to sell the famous South Petherton mansion and move to somewhere
cheaper in a city, perhaps Brighton. `Ah, David Pringle, your social life
is about to change.' [DW]
JOHN CLUTE jubilates (after awesome delays at Little, Brown): `I and
John Grant [Paul Barnett] have agreed with Orbit to do an "Encyclopedia
of Fantasy" for Spring 1995 publication. It will cross-refer to the "SF
Encyclopedia" and will have a similar setting and format, but entry
structure and the balance between theme and author entries will differ.
Contributing editors will be Roz Kaveney, David Langford and Brian
Stableford.'
ELLEN DATLOW of "Omni", whom I always imagined as sprawling on a
golden throne while her fiction slushpile was sifted by gangs of toiling
sycophants, complains: `My assistant Rob Killheffer has been promoted to
associate editor of nonfiction and I'm not getting a new assistant....
Right now I have a free intern reading slush but she leaves the end of
August. They always do this to me whenever I lose an assistant: "You
don't "really" want someone to read all the slush, do you?"'
DAVID GARNETT hears from Gollancz that `"New Worlds 3" will be out
"between October and November". But there isn't anything between October
and November, so maybe they're trying to tell me something.' He adds that
"NW4" is now complete apart from the "hard" bits -- the introduction and
biographies.
JOHN GRANT, proofreading his 10th LONE WOLF fantasy, finds that `We
thought you were a mercenary bursting in here in search of plunder' has
been hugely improved to: `We thought you were a mercenary bursting in
here in search of a plumber.'
WILLIAM JAMES's "Before the Sun Falls" will be published on schedule
by Orbit after all, despite the wicked gossip noted in "A73". `It's going
to be fun reading the reviews, isn't it?' [PB]
ARNIE KATZ sends a harrowing account of how a fogged membrane in his
eye (following cataract surgery) was successfully zapped by mighty laser
bolts. It was hard to follow the details with both hands clamped fast
over my own eyes....
HARRY ADAM KNIGHT is relaunching his dinosaur novel (Gollancz,
Sept). `A LONG, LONG TIME AGO -- LONG BEFORE JURASSIC PARK -- THERE WAS
CARNOSAUR ... During the party there will be a video screening of Roger
Corman's film version of "Carnosaur". Attendees are permitted to shout
abuse at the screen.'
TERRY PRATCHETT is at it again, completing what is apparently the
first DISCWORLD rock'n'roll novel. `My hero cwyms from Llamedos, knywn
for singing, sheep and stone circles....'
CHRIS REED of "BBR" boasts smugly of his win under `Magazines --
Fiction' in the 1993 Readercon Small Press Awards. (Novel: "More Than
Melchisedech", R.A.Lafferty. Collection: "Globalhead", Bruce Sterling.
Nonfiction mag: "SF Eye".)
Thog the Mighty, pervading presence of the Helicon newsletter, was
bemused to learn of his spin-off Sou'Wester panel to be called
(provisionally) "Thog vs the Zeitgeist". Pardon?
AUBERON WAUGH offers a #100 prize for best bad sex -- that is, for
the worst submitted passage of sexual description from a novel published
since Sept 90. Surely our favourite genres must be rich in possibilities?
Entries by 18 Oct to "Literary Review", 51 Beak St, W1R 3LF; write SAVE
THE NOVEL on the envelope.
MARTIN MORSE WOOSTER gloats: `I have written the entries on you for
the "Encyclopedia Galactica" and "Encyclopedia Fantastica".'
### CONDURRITE ###
4-5 Sep PANOPTICON ("Dr Who"), Novotel Hotel, London.
8 Sep BSFA cancelled again. (A new pub was found, but it emerged
too late that the Freemasons retained power to override others' bookings
at short notice. Hang 'em all from bridges!)
10-12 Sep FESTIVAL OF FANTASTIC FILMS, Sacha's Hotel, Manchester.
#35 reg. Contact Society of Fantastic Films, 95 Meadowgate Rd, Salford,
Manchester, M6 8EN. [SG]
10-12 Sep STO-CON-TRENT (RPG), Keele Univ. #15 reg. Contact 12b
Sprowston Rd, Norwich, NR3 4QN.
27 Sep "THE GLAMOUR", BBC Radio 4 19:45. `Revised', as the first
airing was fuzzy -- re-recorded to speed it by 1 sec/minute and cure a
90 sec over-run, but on a duff machine. This time, author Chris Priest
has "personally cut a scene". It is traditional for new editions of this
work to have a changed text....
1-3 Oct FANTASYCON XVIII, Birmingham. #30 reg (BFS members #20,
pet shoggoths half price). Contact 137 Priory Rd, Hall Green, Birmingham,
B28 0TG.
1-3 Oct BRITISH 20TH ANNIV TREK CON, Holiday Inn, Leicester. #45
reg. Contact 17 Guildford St, Brighton. BN1 3LS.
1-3 Oct VOCON ("Hitchhiker"), Tollgate Hotel, Gravesend. #18 reg,
rising to #20 on 18 Sept. Contact 17 Guildford St, Brighton, BN1 3LS.
Wins "Ansible"'s `Most Demands For Plugs' award.
29-31 Jul 94 WINCON III, King Alfred's Coll, Winchester. PR1 now
out. #20 reg, rising to #23 in mid-Nov 93. Contact 12 Crowsbury Close,
Emsworth, Hants, PO10 7TS. 0243 376596. `Intersection's decision to reset
the Wincon III ad in its first PR (introducing "31th" to the language)
and miss its deadline by several months (being told the rates rise on 17
April isn't a lot of use in late July) has led to Wincon getting a
freebie in the next PR.' [SG]
4-5 Mar 95 TIMEWARP ("Trek"), Grand Hotel, Malahide, Dublin.
Contact 30 Beverley Downs, Knocklyon, Dublin 16.
"Rumblings" "A Con Organizer Writes:" `Please DON'T put this one
in the "Ansible" list!' Oh, all right. "ConFrancisco" introduced a
thrilling new system whereby non-attending Hugo nominees who told the
convention months in advance who'd be representing them at the ceremony
must also provide the reps with signed credentials, the letter already
on file (i.e. signed credentials) being deemed Not Good Enough. `Idiots,'
writes tactful Ben Yalow. "A Con Organizer Complains:" `CONFABULATION
wasn't in last month's "Ansible" con listings.' This is true.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
AMBULATORY PHLEGM! This is but one of many fascinating terms applied by
nice Harlan Ellison to absent Andy Porter during an hour-long interview
on US cable TV, possibly to the mystification of viewers. Practised
Ellison-watchers infer that relations between HE (`Andy Porter!? That
suppurating bag of monkey nuts ... loathsome, detestable ... ennobled by
the word "turd" ... monster....') and AP (`Harlan Ellison burns bridges
before he crosses them.') may be less than wholly cordial. [GF, "SFC"]
C.O.A. "Steve Davies & Giulia De Cesare", 52 Westbourne Terrace,
Reading, RG3 2RP. "Anne Hamill & Jimmy Robertson", 2 Dorset Rd,
Salisbury, SP1 3BF. "Sally Ann Melia", 3 The Square, Broughton-in-
Furness, Lake District, Cumbria, LA20 6JF. "Alan J.Sullivan", 30 Ash Rd,
Stratford, London, E15 1HL.
YOU "WILL" SEND US A BIRTHDAY CARD! To ensure plenty of spontaneous
congratulations on its 25th anniversary, "Locus" wrote to sf people
requesting them. It is untrue that the letters contained even the
slightest hint of `Remember, "we" decide whether your next book gets
reviewed....'
COMPUTER SEXISM. In a mouse manual: `If the cursor moves too fast
or too slow, the speed can be changed for your testes.'
ANNIVERSARY. `David Sutton & Steve Jones "celebrate 15 years of
"Fantasy Tales" by publishing an anthology which will contain a great
many of the stories which are currently awaiting an appearance in the
magazine". Which, I presume, means they're celebrating 15 years of "FT"
by ceasing publication. "Fantasy Tales Presents" (Robinson) will
therefore include a great many of the reportedly 100 MSS in "FT"'s
inventory.' [DG]
DEEP WATERS. A Millennium press release plugs spinoff books (by
D.Duane and P.Morwood) from a new Spielberg TV series about a super
submarine called "seaQuest" [sic]. `The special effects, settings and
technology will be absolutely extraordinary': I can hardly wait to open
these hi-tech books. Early review: `There's never been such an original
idea as "Voyage to the Bottom of the seaQuest", I mean "stingQuest".'
[G*rry And*rson]
SUPERSTARDOM! Our mole enjoyed a Canadian "Trek" con `with main
guest Marina Syrtis. My, what a bitch. Her contract specified 3 hours on
each of 2 days, remote luxury hotel room, luxury transport, limo at beck
and call, no press, no videotaping, etc, for US$15,000: the local
Trekkies fell for it. She made horrific demands of the con's naive but
devoted handlers; the committee jumped. Her talk about the show devolved
into a sexist rant about males in the crowd fixated on her breasts and
crotch: she was in a skin-tight black tube-style minidress, so everyone
had something to look at. She proceeded to stand on a table on-stage,
flip her dress up and flaunt said crotch at the crowd, and her handlers
weren't sure she was wearing panties.... Some walked out, a few wanted
their money back, many were disillusioned. The local press had a field
day. Disillusionment was partly offset by genial George Takei, who posed
for every picture and signed every autograph, even from a wheelchair;
he'd just had corrective foot surgery.' [LP]
`SCIENCE FACT, NOT SCIENCE FICTION' -- says the deeply authoritative
W.H.Smith "Bookcase" of Kim Stanley Robinson's "Red Mars". So "that's"
why it didn't win the Arthur C.Clarke award....
I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE AND IT COUGHS. FOREST (Freedom Organization
for the Right to Enjoy Smoking Tobacco) has an sf/fantasy/horror story
competition: `Health and Freedom' theme, but `not propaganda'. #100 first
prize; max 2,500 words and 3 entries per person; you must be over 18 by
the 16 Jan deadline. FOREST STORY COMP, 2 Grosvenor Gdns, London, SW1W
0DH. Judges include George Hay. The flyer asks: `Will smoking (and other
private pleasures) be illegal in the future?' "Ansible" supports smoking
as a private pleasure to be practised as freely as defecation, sex or
singing in the bath.
LITWATCH. Yvonne Rousseau dipped critically into Margot Arnold's
"Desperate Measures": `Ballantine published this in 1986, supplying the
author with a Hollow-Earther blurb writer ("Ms. Arnold has travelled
extensively throughout the globe") but not, alas, with an editor -- as
is seen on p40 when our North American heroine first looks at the night
sky of South Africa. "`Is that the Southern Cross?' A perfect diamond
crucifix blazed out of the sky." Most people Down Under would be
sufficiently startled to see the Crux Australis looking like a "perfect
diamond cross" -- but if we were given Jesus-in-the-Sky-with-Diamonds as
well, we'd all come out and stare.'
BIG NAMES! `Chris Priest may not have made the "Guardian" birthday
list, but look who did: "Kathy Gale, publishing director, The Women's
Press, 33." [13 Aug]. Shows how good Steve Jones is at publicity. A few
days later Brian Aldiss made the list. Does that mean he's as famous as
Kathy Gale?' [Anon]
MORE AWARDS. Campbell Memorial Award (novel): "Brother to Dragons",
Charles Sheffield. Sturgeon Memorial Award (short): `This Year's Class
Picture', Dan Simmons. ["SFC"]
OVERHEARD. `Arthur C.Clarke is an English gentleman, and far too
polite to say that he didn't enjoy a book. After all, he even gave a
cover quote to Ben Bova's "Mars".' [Do not see "A73."]
"ORION" MAGAZINE begs a plug: 66pp A5 fiction (mostly), #1.75 from
3 Bower St, Reddish, Stockport, SK5 6NW. I read the first story (about
John Lennon) as far as the word `hypocracy'....
TEN YEARS AGO a Japanese convention solicited numberless messages
of support. The most memorable was J.G.Ballard's: `That great feat of
arms, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour on December 7, 1941, must now
be repeated in the realm of the imagination -- let the sf writers of
Japan set out across the skies of the human psyche, each carrying a piece
of that explosive future which will torpedo the battleships of
complacency and inertia!' Oh.
### THE FROST REPORT ###
"Continuing the brand-new TAFF tradition of instant ANSIBLE publication,
ABIGAIL FROST whizzes us bits of her US trip report even as it
happens...."
Jeanne Bowman requested silly things -- `uniquely British, small,
cheap, like silly condoms and beermats' -- to auction at ConFrancisco.
Gee thanks Jeanne, my last day wasn't supposed to be spent in pubs and
chemists'. Trawl of Bethnal Green Road produced: 1 can Irn Bru; several
packets funsized Mars bars etc; two vile `jewel lollies', blue raspberry
sour flavour, made in Thailand for Irish company; latest issue "When
Saturday Comes" (football semiprozine); 1 Dennis the Menace mug; 1
"Thunderbirds" ditto; 1 tin Brick Lane curry powder; 1 "Beezer
Quarterly"; Fun Fun Fun filling out customs declaration....
"New York." When I told Andy Hooper I was staying with Gary Farber
he seemed surprised. `He hasn't the right to invite you ... he sleeps on
Moshe's sofa ... he is in no position to be a host!' (GF is currently
house-sitting for someone.) "Gary:" `Tell him I'm pushing a cart around
the lower East Side and I put you in the cart and covered you with a
garbage bag.' So I did ... shame I got the giggles halfway through.
Farber talks. I'd forgotten this. Lunch with Patrick and Teresa
Nielsen Hayden. They talk too. Help. Voice already on way out. Please fax
new larynx c/o Geri Sullivan. [19 August]
"Minneapolis." ReinCONation fun but weird. A world of seraphically
happy people who sing and read poetry at each other. Alternated between
thinking oneself in Paradise surrounded by guardian angels and feeling
like an alien. Asked to contribute reading to an open mike thingy on Sat
night; commandeered Nigel Rowe (formerly of our own parish) to help.
People were taking the evening's beatnik theme very seriously (eg
readings from "Howl"). Sudden inspiration: I had some beatnik
experimental writing to hand, the phoney Camcon report in the Mexicon 2
fanzine. So handed Nigel a plastic tub which had contained pretzels till
I brilliantly ate them all, told him to beat it at random while I read,
and when called put on my shades and jumped on a chair and did all that
stuff about cubes and Wittgenstein and Margaret Welbank in a rapid
doomladen voice. Got the odd laugh.
ReinCONation news for "Ansible": Twin Cities fan, poet, musician,
storyteller and general Good Thing Elise Matthesen was having a birthday
celebration with chums in hotel restaurant when the woman at the next
table approached her -- `You look so nice and so do all your friends, so
who are you?' So Elise introduced herself and the con, so to speak. `I'm
Maya Angelou,' said the woman, and bought them some wine. `Gosh wow er
um,' said Elise....
So homesick I spent $5 on "Independent on Sunday". `Not much seems
to have changed at home ... BLOODY HELL IT'S LAST WEEK'S ISSUE.' Grr.
Why don't you fax me back, you bastard scum? [23 August]
"Seattle." Read some article in some fanzine called "Mimosa" by some
fellow who edited some con newsletter on some Channel Island or other.
Doesn't it make you sick when people take all the credit for the Great
British Con Newsletter without even mentioning "Cactus Times"? Went to
zoo with Andy Hooper and took picture of racket-tailed drongo. Alas there
was only one so can't say drongides.... Also got a photo of giant
Washington slug at zoo (not encaged, just wandering over path). Marmots
are ridiculous bloody animals. [26-7 August]
Ansible 74 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Paul Barnett, John Clute,
Gary Farber, Abigail Frost, David Garnett, John Grant, Misdemeanour, SF
Chronicle, Steve Green, Lloyd Penney, Chris Priest, Dave Wood and All Our
Hero Distributors.
2/9/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 75
OCTOBER 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" can be had by accosting the editor, by
making him rich, or for stamped addressed envelopes (1 per copy).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
CRUSHED. Rob Hansen was handing out "Then 4", his history of UK fandom's
every gathering, publication and bowel movement in the 1970s. (Grovel to
him at 144 Plashet Grove, East Ham, E6 1AB.) `I'm dreading doing the
80s,' he confided. `And someone "else" can do the 90s. Jesus, the 90s
don't even have a fan newsletter of record.' Here I coughed rather
significantly. `"Ansible",' he retorted, `is "sercon".' Collapse of deaf
party.
### THE MARCHING MORONS ###
JOHN CLUTE was swept north in a whirlwind: `About 4,000 books were
donated recently to Friends of Foundation for the SF Foundation library,
now settled into the University of Liverpool. Roger Robinson and I drove
them up in a van and saw the library precincts: which was like seeing Oz
after half a lifetime blinded by the institutional torpor and (in recent
years) active hostility of the lugubrious University of East London
(Kansas [failed]). There is now space for books, and administrator Andy
Sawyer has a brief to catalogue and restore the collection; and the
University has hopes for its MA in SF Studies. I kept looking for a
Wizard behind an arras, but in the event I never had to wake. For the
moment, the dream holds.'
WILLIAM GIBSON's "Virtual Light" UK roadshow (`I've been signing
this fucking thing for weeks') was marked by an "Independent on Sunday"
review beginning: `The American writer Ian Gibson has been a name to
watch in science fiction for the past decade....' (Meanwhile,
"Neuromancer" popped up in the list of set books for the University of
Salford's English course. [JN])
COLIN GREENLAND reveals where he gets his crazy ideas for weird sf
science! On receiving some (fairly trite) suggestions purportedly from
a 10-year-old schoolgirl with leukaemia, he wrote a nice letter back and
was not best pleased when further instalments arrived from a `physics
student' and then an `engineering student', all with different female
names and (invalid?) addresses but the same handwriting and York
postmark. `It's getting a little annoying, not to say insulting,' sniffed
Colin.
GEORGE HAY has an alternative view, as usual: `It's hard to get
anywhere with the SF Foundation, because they really think sf is all
about Lit Crit. I don't know if you have seen "Foundation 58", but it is
filled almost entirely with material on the influence of X on Y, or that
so-and-so's arguments are completely fallacious -- the kind of petty
squabbling that made me drop my subs to the BSFA aeons ago, only now
conducted by grown men with tenure and good salaries, men whose grasp on
the real world seems faint in the extreme....'
KEN LAKE, peripatetic Casanova, is laying waste the women of Fiji:
`Having extricated himself from the embraces of 280-lb "Duri" in Nadi
("we should be together for ever and ever") and escaped from "Christine"
("you mek mi cre-zee") at the Rainmaker Hotel in Pago Pago, roving
"palangi" Ken Lake succumbed to the charms of "Leu" in Apia (and lost
$300 from his wallet to her nimble fingers) before chickening out on the
marriage offer of "Cristina" in Vava'u, only to be inveigled by lying
"Tema" of Nuku'alofa ("I can't marry you now, I'm going to be a
missionary") into a proposal of marriage to delightful 16-year-old
"Tala", her sister. He is currently recuperating in Suva....' "[And goes
on to bandy several more ladies' names. Tut tut -- Ed.]"
PETER NICHOLLS, rumours say, is now trying to flog his own
alternative "Fantasy Encyclopaedia" in the USA on the basis that this is
the Real Thing, as opposed to Little, Brown's pathetic imitation edited
by upstarts like that man Clute and everyone else on the new "SF
Encyclopaedia"'s title page (except Peter)....
CHAD OLIVER, pioneer of anthropological sf, died of cancer on 9
August aged 65. ["SFC"]
TERRY PRATCHETT was bemused by a "Business Age" magazine survey
ranking him 451st of the 500 richest individuals in Britain, with a
personal fortune of #26.5 million. Having looked under the bed and failed
to locate this wad of cash, he learned that `It's all "potential" -- like
value of existing copyrights over time, value of other stuff like film
rights, value of books I haven't written yet, value of body mass of
family and pets if rendered for soap and so on, plus wild guesses at how
much I must have made already.... Just when I think I understand the kind
of Discworld logic by which they arrived at it my brain sags. Apparently
my annual income is seen by them as a kind of dividend paid by a
conceptual Terry Pratchett PLC. The Society of Authors treasurer chuckled
benignly and told me, "You can get tax relief on guard dogs...."'
BOB SHAW, after publishing "How To Write Science Fiction" with
Allison & Busby, has become the editorial consultant for A&B's new sf
list. `It feels a bit funny sitting on the other side of the editorial
fence, and already I have been subjected to the cliche which replaced
Adam and Eve stepping out of a spaceship -- the life-or-death space
battle which turns out to have been a video game.' We trust A&B have
altered their legendary `Royalties? What do you mean, "royalties"?'
policy, so well known to past victims like Barry Bayley.
### CONDICTION ###
30-31 Oct GHOST STORY SOCIETY convention (their first), Chester
Euromill Hotel. With Ramsey Campbell "et al". Contact `Ashcroft', 2
Abbottsford Dr, Penyfford, Chester, CH4 0JG.
30-31 Oct OCTOCON (Irish national con), Royal Marine Hotel, Dun
Laoghaire. GoH Storm Constantine, Steve Dillon. #15 reg. Contact 20
Newgrove Ave, Sandymount, Dublin 4.
1 Nov READINGS at Wealdstone Library (Grant Road) by Molly `Oh
God, I shouldn't have asked you to mention this, I "know" you'll say
something awful and get me into trouble' Brown, Stella Hargreaves &
Jessica Palmer, 6-8pm. Free.
5-7 Nov NOVACON 23, Royal Angus, Birmingham. GoH Stephen Baxter.
Too late to join by mail: #30 at the door. Hotel bookings to 121 Cape
Hill, Smethwick, Warley, B66 4SH.
12-14 Nov ARMADACON V, Astor Hotel, Plymouth. #20 reg. Contact
4 Gleneagle Ave, Plymouth, PL3 5HL.
5-6 Mar 94 MICROCON, Exeter University. GoH `er, to be
announced.' [PB] Contact Paul Hamilton, 0392 55839.
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER (Eastercon), Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool. #25
reg (may well rise after Novacon, so watch it). Contact 3 West Shrubbery,
Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ.
14-17 Apr 95 CONFABULATION (Eastercon), Britannia International
Hotel, London Docklands. #15 reg to end 1993. PR1 is out. Contact 3 York
St, Altrincham, Cheshire, WA15 9QH.
24-8 Aug 95 INTERSECTION, 53rd Worldcon, Glasgow. New address:
Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR. Registration now #60. They can be faxed c/o
John Stewart, 081 669 8079.
"Rumblings" "Bernie Evans", mistress of registrations for
innumerable UK cons, is taking voluntary redundancy in order to enjoy
"even more time" typing addresses, printing labels, and campaigning for
compulsory truncation of fans with names like Neale Anthony Mittenshaw-
Hodge. `Asked how she'll be spending her time in future, the grandmother
of six informed incredulous friends that she intended to start cooking
and doing housework, and would like to become more involved in fandom.
Husband Mick was unavailable for comment owing to prolonged fits of
hysterical laughter.' [MT]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
WORLD FANTASY AWARDS. Novel shortlist: "Anno Dracula", Kim Newman; "Last
Call", Tim Powers; "Was", Geoff Ryman; "Photographing Fairies", Steve
Szilagyi; "Briar Rose", Jane Yolen. James Blaylock's "Lord Kelvin's
Machine" reads like a fix-up novel to me, but is mysteriously shortlisted
under Best Collection. ["SFC"]
METAPHOR OF THE MONTH. `Her very existence made his forebrain swell
until it threatened to leak out his sinuses.' (Nancy A.Collins,
"Sunglasses After Dark", 1989.)
C.O.A. "John Clute", 221"b" Camden High St, London, NW1 7BU. (`The
change from 221 to 221b represents nothing more than an attempt to keep
our post from being delivered to the shop below us.') "Ken Lake", Poste
Restante, General Post Office, Suva, Fiji.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: KLINGON. `"No",' said Hazel. `I don't care
how many clippings Martin Morse Wooster sends you about Klingon language
camps in Minnesota. I refuse to authorize a "fake language lesson".' Me:
`Can't I even interest you in the etymology of "'iw", Klingon for blood
-- from the noise the audience made in the big "Star Trek VI" bloodshed
scene, ""eeeeeewwwwww!""?' Hazel: `Certainly not.'
MARTIAN SPLURGE. HarperCollins spent a fortune on a full-page
"Guardian" ad for Kim Stanley Robinson's "Red Mars" -- though with a
slightly unlikely caption. `Are they promoting this as a comedy? "Welcome
to Mars ... Please Drive Carefully" sounds very much like the cover of
"Red Dwarf": "Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers". What will Gollancz do
for the paperback of "Red Dust": "Take Care: Ride on the Left"?' [DG]
XANTHAGRAMS. Horny Sapient, Shiny Protean, Noisy Panther, Insane
Trophy, A Spiny Throne, A Thorny Penis ... I'm still trying to decide
which is most appropriate. And is another author mentioned above really
of a Non-Lilac Gender? [N&AS]
"SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA". That legendary CD-ROM edition is scheduled for
pressing at the end of October and will include all the major updates and
corrections noted by late September. Price will be #35 plus VAT. After
criticizing shortcomings of the proposed access/display software -- `Er,
wouldn't it be useful if searching for a title actually "took you to the
title" rather than dumping you at the start of what might be a very long
author or theme entry?' -- your editor has insinuated an Ansible
InformationTM program which improves matters somewhat, and feels dead smug
about this. Meanwhile CD publishers Nimbus are "right now" rushing to
sort out the audio tracks of the CD-ROM, with sound-bites from a
representative selection of the millions of sf authors available for
interview in or near London before publication day....
HAIR OF THE DOG. The great David Hartwell sends a true interoffice
memo from St Martin's Press. `We will be publishing in March of 1995 a
new trade paperback title called "Knitting With Dog Hair". The two
authors [...] are busily making DOG HAIR BOOKMARKS, which will be used
by colleagues in subrights and in publicity, but demand for the bookmarks
has been so great that we are now facing a serious shortage of dog hair.
This is no joke!' No, no, perish the thought. All employees are duly
exhorted to `place dog hair in a zip-locked plastic bag', labelled with
the breed (`Mutts are fine'), but not on any account to raid the vacuum
cleaner (`This is not "bona fide" dog hair, since it has been combined
with other dirt'), and to bring all bags to the Official St Martin's Dog
Hair Depository. It'll be even more fun when they publish "1001 Uses for
Dog Turds".
BARRY PULLS IT OFF! More epoch-making news from Barry R.Levin's
catalogue of sf at awesome prices: the British BCA book club version of
Asimov's "Forward the Foundation" is the world first edition, by about
three weeks. I do not know how the feeble human intellect is able to
contain such excitement.
TOKEN GOSSIP FOR HANSEN. Comets were sighted, two-headed calves were
born, the sheeted dead did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets, and
"Greg Pickersgill published a fanzine last month".
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: TONGAN. "fetukitoka'aki", to strike out
at each other while lying down; "kisukava", to make an enigmatic
statement after drinking "kava"; "fakamomoatea", to act as if one had a
presentiment of something that will shortly happen, or has already
happened but is not yet known. [KL]
### OUR SPIES AT CONFRANCISCO ###
`It was "boring",' said ever-ecstatic Abigail Frost of this year's
Worldcon in San Francisco -- `except you WON'T FUCKING BELIEVE who won
Best Semiprozine!' `The best part,' added Martin Hoare, `was when the
techies tapped the hotel's three porn movie channels and patched them
into the lobby information screens.' `Many had trouble telling the sf
fans from the homeless on the streets,' confided Teddy Harvia.
HUGO AWARDS went to most of the usual suspects. BEST NOVEL was a
tie: Vernor Vinge's "A Fire Upon the Deep" and Connie Willis's "Doomsday
Book". (`Amazing,' said Rog Peyton. `I'll have to order extra copies. I'm
astonished "Red Mars" didn't win.' Me: `You thought that was the best
book?' He: `Well, I haven't actually "read" it. As such.') NOVELLA:
Lucius Shepherd, "Barnacle Bill the Spacer". NOVELETTE: Janet Kagan, `The
Nutcracker Coup'. SHORT: Connie Willis, `Even the Queen'. NONFICTION:
Harry Warner, "A Wealth of Fable". DRAMATIC: "The Inner Light", an
"ST:TNG" episode. EDITOR: Gardner Dozois of "Asimov's". ARTIST: Don
Maitz. ORIGINAL ART: James Gurney, "Dinotopia". SEMIPROZINE: Andy
Porter's "Science Fiction Chronicle" (stunner of the weekend; it beat
"Locus" by one vote, following recounts. Andy got a standing ovation,
while the great Charles N.Brown was soon conducting a merciless Spanish
Inquisition among "Locus" staff who failed to vote: `Gee, Charlie, I was
so busy working for the con, I never got round to -- "aargh"!' Fandom
waits with bated breath to learn whether Andy's next "SFC" editorial will
record victory with the same grace with which he has accepted past
defeats). FANZINE: "Mimosa". FAN WRITER: me (fervent thanks to all voters
-- your cheques are in the mail. "Martin Hoare:" `Abi gave me the Hugo
and then kissed me. She needn't have said YUK afterwards....'). FAN
ARTIST: Peggy Ranson. JOHN W.CAMPBELL award for best new writer: Laura
Resnick. [GS] "Los Angeles" won the 1996 Worldcon voting against a
challenging lack of opposition. `It was an "interesting" convention.
Most of the ceremonies started late but, to compensate for that, they ran
long. Standing in line seemed to be the theme -- there were long lines
at registration, then another long one if you were a programme
participant, then another to pick up your souvenir book, etc. Some of the
con was well done, and the city is beautiful, but....' [BY]
THE FROST REPORT continues: `The con lacked centre, and the sort of
spontaneous Great Moment we expect of big cons didn't really have a
chance. No bloody bar in the Moscone Centre, for a start. (Not even a
Harvey Milk Bar, ho ho.) 8000 people there, yet one rarely saw more than
20 of them in the same place doing the same thing. Grew heartily sick of
seeing friends going up the escalator as I was coming down. If only Banks
had been there to climb the Parc 55 hotel. (But if he had, as a filthy
pro he'd have climbed the ANA, which I only really penetrated for the Tor
Books party.) "Ansible" helped, since one could always stop someone in
their tracks by thrusting it at them. Smoking, oddly, helped too, because
I rapidly got the habit of snatching a quick ciggie whenever and wherever
I could, and talked to whoever (be they Valkyrie, mediaeval peasant or
Fred Pohl) was doing the same thing.
`Tell Martin I'm sorry I said YUK after kissing him on stage at the
Hugos. Had meant to fall on ground gagging horribly, of course. Also,
didn't have the heart to preface announcing you with "What's the Welsh
for bor"ing"?" as planned. Felt I let the side down, rather. At the Hugo
rehearsal, we were very firmly told not to say "And the winner is...."
Winner implies losers, you see. So the PC thing to do afterwards from now
on is the People To Whom The Hugos Did Not Go Party. Charlie Brown did
not go to it (or at least not while I was there).
`San Francisco was triff. Didn't get to see nearly enough of it.
Favourite bit: the ruins of Sutro Baths, and the rocky beachlet (mussels
and bloody great fleshy starfish -- takes yer back to the Cornwall of
childhood) just below....' [AJF]
Ansible 75 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Paul Barnett, Steve
(Massive Egoboo) Brown, John Clute, Critical Wave, Malcolm Edwards,
Abigail Frost, David Garnett, Teddy Harvia, Martin (Hugo Collector)
Hoare, Ken Lake, Name & Address Supplied (coward!), Joseph Nicholas, SF
Chronicle, Geri Sullivan, Martin Tudor, Ben Yalow, and hero distributors
Janice Murray, SCIS, Alan Stewart, Charles `Netman' Stross and M.Tudor.
7/10/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 76
NOVEMBER 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" can be had by accosting the editor, by
making him rich, or for stamped addressed envelopes (1 per copy).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
THE CURSE OF COLIN GREENLAND. Last issue told of a peeved Colin being
deluged with sf ideas from many differently named (and addressed)
correspondents all with the same handwriting and York postmark. This
identical blight has now spread to me. Where will it all end? See "Brian
Stableford", below....
### THEM! ###
BARRY BAYLEY has completed a very short synopsis for a new Jasperodus the
Robot novel -- said his agent, legendary London bon-viveur Gamma, before
being thrown out of a Conservatory signing owing to being barred from the
pub. `It'll be "really good",' he added soon after, and was thrown out
again.
ARTHUR C.CLARKE is exposed in this telling sentence from a Gollancz
press release, reprinted COMPLETE and UNCUT as an "Ansible" public
service: `He is unquestionably the greatest living science, as well as
the best-known and bestselling.' [DVB] Greater than biochemistry, greater
than physics ... Arthurology.
WILLIAM GIBSON was pilloried by the "Washington Post" (18 Oct) for
his dress sense: `The shirts that hang off his 45-year-old frame look as
if he bought them in a feed store. He's always said he figured that if
nobody liked the stories he'd written he'd have wound up working in a
secondhand bookstore. He still dresses as if that's his idea of success.'
[MMW]
RON HOLMES, editor of the first UK sf news fanzine "Science Fantasy
Review" (which as "SFR War Digest" gave Vince Clarke his first fanzine
appearance in 1940), died on 21 Sept. [SG/RH]
TERRY PRATCHETT's #26.5m fortune (a figment of "Business World"
magazine) still plagues him despite last issue's squib about its illusory
nature -- in fact some of my readers can't be too bright, as the great
man complains that `The "Ansible" piece is now being quoted to me as
evidence that I "have" got #26m.'
VINCENT PRICE died on 25 October aged 82, one published comment
being that he'd had plenty of practice....
NICHOLAS ROYLE, rising horror megastar etc, is interviewed in the
Nov "Interzone": `Interviewer Chris Kenworthy refers to Royle's new novel
"Counterparts" as "interesting and exciting". This was presumably why
Kenworthy's own Barrington Books published it, a link curiously omitted
from his essay.' [SG]
GEOFF RYMAN, according to delighted but cruelly unattributable
rumours, is writing a "Star Trek" novel. (What next? Salman Rushdie signs
up to do Judge Dredd tie-ins?)
BRIAN STABLEFORD takes up the tale: `I was interested to read (in
"A75") of Colin Greenland's annoyance regarding his correspondence with
a person I take to be Siobahn "[sic]" Munster, "alias" Amanda Haertel,
"alias" Rachel Oliver, etc, etc, of Norton-in-Derwent. It really isn't
"that" annoying, and my experience suggests that as it will never
actually stop (no matter how many letters "she" sends announcing that the
correspondence is closed) one might as well derive whatever amusement one
can from it. "Her" latest letter to me begins, cheerily, "Me again ..."
even though it is signed with a name "she" has not used previously, and
shows "her" customary blithe disregard for anachronism ("she" has been
ten for several years now) and consistency of symptoms ("she" is always
unwell, and often in hospital, but never has the same malady twice
running). In spite of "Ansible"'s churlish description of "her" story
plots as "trite" they are not noticeably worse than many which sell, and
I have not yet lost hope that "she" may one day send me one worth using.
I admit that it isn't clear to me why a mature (probably) male (almost
certainly) who seems to read "New Scientist" and "Interzone" with a fair
degree of comprehension should feel the need to disguise himself as an
ailing female child, but it's a free country. If Colin finds the whole
thing too burdensome, he could always spread the load by sending "her"
the addresses of a few more famous sf writers -- unless, of course, "she"
has them all already....'
JONATHAN SWIFT's immortal but depressed and amnesiac Struldbruggs
might have been inspired by his own possible slide into Alzheimer's
disease -- according to a doctor's speculative letter in the "Lancet".
[JN] Similarly, the Yahoos in Book IV of "Gulliver's Travels" were early,
tragic victims of what modern medicine now knows as Football Fan
Syndrome.
### CONENCHYMA ###
5-7 Nov NOVACON 23, Royal Angus Hotel, Birmingham. GoH Stephen Baxter.
#30 at the door. Buy me a drink.
12-14 Nov ARMADACON V, Astor Hotel, Plymouth. #20 reg. Contact
4 Gleneagle Ave, Plymouth, PL3 5HL.
19-21 Nov MIDCON (games), Royal Angus Hotel, Brum. National
Diplomacy Championships etc. #10 reg. Contact 30 Rydding Lane, Millfields
Estate, West Browich, B71 2HA.
20 Nov LATCON ("Trek"), U of London Union, Malet St, WC1. Videos,
dealers and tribble hunt. #8 reg.
28-30 Jan 94 STARBASE ("Trek"), Hilton Hotel, Leeds. GoH George
Takei. #35 reg; no memberships at the door. Contact 152 Otley Rd,
Headingley, Leeds, LS16 5JX.
5-6 Mar 94 MICROCON, Exeter University. Now has a contact
address: 6 Clifton Hill, Exeter, EX1 2DL.
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER (Eastercon), Liverpool. #25 reg "rising to
#27 on 1 Dec 93." No postal memberships after 14 Mar. Contact 3 West
Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ.
"Rumblings" BSFA meetings remain in limbo. EVOLUTION is a bid
for the 1996 Eastercon (`"I" wanted it called Vivisection,' said one
disappointed committee member) starring `Rhodri James and several polite
euphemisms for people with little experience of running 3 day cons' (so
it's going to be a "short" Easter weekend). Venue: `SE England'.
Presupporting membership #1 to 13 Lindfield Gdns, Hampstead, NW3 6PX.
[MC] INTERSECTION's second progress report arrived from Washington DC
(that little-known suburb of Glasgow) and is better laid out than the
hasty PR1 ... except for a piece by some guy called Langford, who
absurdly claims that re-editing 14 paragraphs into two extremely long
ones did not assist readability.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
FIN DE SIECLE. Deborah `SF Editor With Legs' Beale has left Millennium
(with some tiny possibility of a continuing consultancy role); her
sidekick Charon Wood was reportedly offered the job but, unimpressed by
the way DB was treated, forcefully resigned. Publishing gossip claims
that DB's marriage to her fave author Tad (`what "is" that short for?'
asked our informant: `Tadpole?') Williams made her financially
independent and that Millennium boss A.Cheetham got strangely nervous/
hostile/unpleasant about this. Officially, she has resigned.
SIMILE OF THE MONTH. `Just to the south of them, the new Socket was
like a titanic concrete bunker, the new elevator cable rising out of it
like an elevator cable ...' (Kim Stanley Robinson, "Green Mars") [DW]
EDITOR OF THE LIVING DEAD. DC's graphic novel of "Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy" is advertised in "Locus" as being adapted `by acclaimed
british SF writer and editor John Carnell ("New ""Worlds").' -- all
"sic". The current "New Worlds" editor David Garnett is deeply baffled,
and so is his predecessor Mike Moorcock; as all true fans know and
regret, "NW"'s founding editor John Carnell died in 1972.... [DG]
C.O.A. "Peter Cohen" (late -- I mislaid it), 80 Sherland Rd,
Twickenham, TW1 4HD. "Mike Cule", 4 Baines House, Abbey Barn Rd, High
Wycombe, HP11 1RJ. "Paul Hamilton", as Microcon. "Krsto Mazuranic",
Slavonska 1, 41430 Samobor, CROATIA (same flat, new country). "Ben
Schilling", 2615 Madrid (Apt 1), Madison, WI 53713, USA.
PUBLISHING BITS. `Virgin have contracted with Fleetway for a further
3 JUDGE DREDD novels. Future plans are for one book per quarter rather
than one a month. The bookshops are proving leery -- "We can't sell
graphic novels, even ones with pictures" -- but those who are stocking
'em are selling out fast. Sort of the opposite of the Thatcher Memoirs,
I hope.' [U] "Philip K.Dick: A Day in the Afterlife" is being made for
the BBC by Arena Productions for broadcast next Spring. Producer Nicola
Roberts insisted that all interviewees wear identical t-shirts with
Dick's face on ... data from "Radio Free PKD", $16/year from Noel
Productions, 27068 S.La Paz, Aliso Viejo, CA 92656, USA. [BC] []
"Flexiback Books" is a somewhat indeterminate new enterprise that plans
64pp A4 magazine-format books (40-55,000 words) in various genres
including sf/fantasy, but is still muttering about raising `the needed
capital'. Paul Barnett will be sf/f editor (no submissions yet, please).
IATROGENIC. Diana Wynne Jones's fearful back pains persist despite
her operation last Dec. Her fan club wishes to interview the doctor who,
having poked her crushed vertebra hard enough to make her scream and
black out, explained that there was nothing whatever wrong and that if
sitting down to write was a problem she should jolly well get a job where
she could work standing up. Another learned doctor advised her to drink
lots of milk and, informed of her allergy to all milk products, amended
this to `eat lots of cheese'.... [CB] Nevertheless a new DWJ book is out:
"Hexwood", available at all good etc etc.
STOP THE PRESSES! "Warner Books" cancelled their 200,000-copy first
US printing of the `Jack the Ripper Diary' for a bizarre reason almost
unprecedented in publishing ... their expert reported that the document
could not be authentic. ["SFC"] "Ashgate Publishing" have likewise
delayed UK publication of the Scolar Press "The Best in SF: Winners and
Nominees of the Major Awards in SF" (by Canadian fan Aurel Guillemette)
after many errors and typos were gleefully pointed out. The BSFA and
Clarke awards are hopelessly confused (some would call that fair comment)
and in one year are said to have been respectively won by G.Ryman's "The
Child Garden" and "Children of the Garden"; a later winner is that homely
cookbook "Take Bake Plenty". `They're freezing publication until they've
sorted it out somehow -- they're horribly embarrassed by it -- their word
was "horrified".' [DVB]
OVERHEARD. `"Loren McGregor" confused Shirley Jackson with Shirley
MacLaine, causing Debbie Notkin to recoil with horror from him. "We have
always lived in this body," he offered as his defence.' ["WP"] []
"Catherine Barnett:" `But if Paul [Kincaid] works in London, how come he
and Maureen [Speller] live in Folkestone?' "Jane Barnett:" `They were
very, very bad in their previous lives.'
### CONFRANCISCO CONTINUED ###
Worldcon post-mortems go on and on. The curse of fame hit your editor in
October, with the arrival of ConFrancisco's `follow these easy
instructions to complete your Hugo' kit -- little pewter plaques to be
stuck around the base, depicting dead sf notables from Mary Shelley to
Isaac Asimov (glue not supplied). Less unworldly fans might have written
GIFT -- NO COMMERCIAL VALUE on the customs chit ... instead I was
amusingly landed with over #15 in duty, VAT and UPS penalty charges for
collecting same. "The Plain People of Fandom:" `Ha bloody ha!'
TARAS WOLANSKY sends his report on the con's Harlan Ellison Revival
Meeting; once again the great man mingled with sf fans in order to
announce, `I try to stay as far away from sf fandom as I possibly can.
I mean, one can only take so much horseshit before one has the need to
kill. At the moment, I have the need to kill the people at NESFA....'
What frightful thing had the New England SF Association done? TW
explains: `At 1am that morning, it seems, Ellison had been leafing
through the convention souvenir book when he came upon an advertisement
for "The Rediscovery of Man: The Complete Short SF of Cordwainer Smith",
published by NESFA Press (Box 809, Framingham, MA 01701-0203; 671pp,
$24.95). His first thought was, yes, complete but for the story "Smith's"
widow had given him for "The Last Dangerous Visions". But then he read
these fatal words: "Appearing for the first time in print in English [is]
`Himself in Anachron' (originally written for "Last Dangerous Visions"
and previously available only in French)."
`A bit of history.... Cordwainer Smith, a.k.a. Paul W.Linebarger,
died in 1966. According to Christopher Priest in "The Last Deadloss
Visions", Ellison first announced having a Smith story for his never-
published anthology in February, 1974! Yes, Ellison sat on the story for
"twenty years", so long that it is now of interest primarily to scholars
and antiquarians. Discussing "TLDV" in 1984 (!), Harry Harrison remarked,
"The stories are grey with age, any value they might have had for the
authors has long since been diminished to the vanishing point."
`Under these circumstances, any ordinary person would be humbly
grateful to NESFA for undoing a little of the harm he has done. But
Ellison is made of sterner stuff: "They've got the story in the fucking
book, and it kills the story for "The Last Dangerous Visions"!"' [TW;
full text of this report to appear in "Fosfax"]
HE's publicly announced message to NESFA at this same session was:
`Pull the goddam book off sale now, pulp the son of a bitch, republish
without that story, or I'm going to sue you, NESFA, and every one of you
into oblivion!' "(Applause.)" This is a weighty threat which NESFA should
take seriously, every bit as seriously as the weighty Ellison promises
of imminent "TLDV" delivery/publication made in 1973, 1976, 1977, 1979,
1980, 1984, etc.
(Wicked Bias declared: your editor has a booklet in print with NESFA
and is discussing terms for an expanded trade-paperback edition which may
or may not be titled "Let's Hear It Again For The Deaf Man". He does not
have a story in "The Last Dangerous Visions". Phew.)
DON HERRON (of Dashiell Hammett Tour fame) remembers: `Thursday
night of the con I spent driving cab. Picked up S.P.Somtow and, later,
Sam Moskowitz. I knew them but they didn't know me, so I drove S.P. just
a little bit fast for fun, and asked SaM after the panel we were on how
the food had been at Johnny Kan's. SaM was delighted by this
circumstance, and told me that once in New York he and John W.Campbell
hopped into a cab, and the driver instantly started arguing with Campbell
over his editorial policies.
`Er, Abi "would" have seen more of San Francisco if she hadn't
fallen asleep during much of the touring about we did. I figured, hell,
the rigours of the trip, the stress of ConFiasco (it "was" brutal), I'll
take this as a compliment to my smooth driving (vs. a horrid insult to
my abilities as a tour guide). I was going to give up, just park
someplace and let her catch some zzzzzzs, but decided to try the view
from Twin Peaks as a last shot. The panorama, combined with a brisk and
icy wind ("... knot up my skirt before the rest of "this fucking city"
has a look at my knickers" -- something like that, I have trouble with
Oxfordian cadences) snapped her back to life....
`The 51st Annual will always stand as the Charlie Brown Downfall
Convention. You could "almost" feel sorry that CB didn't nab a 17th Hugo,
if you weren't so overwhelmed with pure glee....' [DH]
BEN YALOW liked `the Hugo program book. It has some amazing errors,
including crediting Dean Wesley Smith with being Damon Knight, or at
least with doing everything Damon did. Normally I would assume that just
meant that they stripped the wrong text in below the headline, but
somehow they got Dean's "name" into the text, as well....'
MARTIN HOARE corrects Abigail: `"I" found the bar in the Moscone
Centre!' "Ansible" suspects that Martin could find the bar in a mosque.
Ansible 76 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to David V.Barrett, Chris
Bell, Mark Charsley, Benedict Cullum, Abigail Frost, David Garnett, Steve
Green, Rob Hansen, Don Herron, Joseph Nicholas, SF Chronicle,
Unattributable, Wild Patience ed. Berni Phillips, Taras Wolansky, Dave
Wood, Martin Morse Wooster and our Hero Distributors (with a grovel to
Bridget Wilkinson, omitted from the Hero List in this box last issue).
4/11/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 77
DECEMBER 1993
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. "Ansible" can be had by grovelling in person, by
making me rich, or for stamped addressed envelopes (1 per copy).
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
MY SECRET SHAME. It's hard to make this public confession, but the foul
thing has to be said: "Ansible" can now receive electronic mail and hot
news at "ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk".
### FROM AN ULTIMATE DIM THULE ###
ANTHONY BURGESS died last week. What can I say? In sf there wasn't just
"A Clockwork Orange" but "The Wanting Seed" (featuring Asimov, Heinlein
and T.S.Eliot in an orgy), "1985", sf strands in books like "The End of
the World News", and more.... A big enough writer to try "everything".
I liked his reviews, too.
KEN CAMPBELL won the "Evening Standard" Drama Award for Best Comedy,
for "Jamais Vu" ... as premiered at Mexicon 5.
JACK COHEN incautiously wrote in the "Britannica Yearbook" that he'd
invented various sf aliens like the brainy saurians in the EDEN series.
Harry Harrison rushed in a stern correction, making it clear that "he"
did all the important inventing (`There are going to be these big lizards
called Yilane!') while hired hand Jack had merely sorted out the biology,
biochemistry, physiology, and suchlike trivia. Dr Jack has since been
spotted fondling a giant syringe full of something greenly luminescent
and practising his line, "`Trust me, Harry, I'm a doctor....'"
LIONEL FANTHORPE ran a charity auction at Orycon (see over) and sold
a copy of "Galaxy 666" for $40 -- twice as much, he wept, as he was paid
to write the book in 1963.... [JM]
DR COLIN GREENLAND wraps up the Anonymous Plot Donor (see "A75-6"):
`Smiling Brian Stableford shames me for my surly response to our
pseudonymous benefactor's unsolicited supply of free wizzo skiffy ideas.
Now I greet with glee every new little envelope full of extrapolative
ingenuity. My joy is unconfined at being showered with "monetary versions
of Hari Seldon's "psychohistory"" and childlike computers who try to make
a better world out of the implications of "the 1948 Hendrick Casimir
experiments with microscopic-cavity resonance and vaccuum" [sic]. Sounds
terrific to me. I'd write a dozen of them if I could understand them. I'm
overjoyed to hear that Dr Stableford and you too, Dr Langford of 94
London Road, Reading, have also been selected out of literally hundreds
of sf writers to receive this very special service, and yes, I'd like
nothing better than to share it with all my writing friends; but how am
I ever to xerox my address book to Rachel Oliver "aka" Alex Little (11)
when "she" always writes from a different non-existent address? In fact
I wonder uneasily how Dr S knows "she" lives in Norton-in-Derwent, a
place significantly "never mentioned" in Amanda Haertel's communications
to date. Is this a slip? Or a clue via ""wormhole-throat" from a possible
future"? Has anyone ever seen Brian Stableford and Siobahn Munster in the
same place "at the same time"?' "Andy Hooper adds:" `It would be a
fraternal gesture if Colin or Brian sent to Norton-in-Derwent the
addresses of some authors who could really use the assistance, such as
P**rs *nth*ny or Ors*n Sc*tt C*rd.'
JUDITH HANNA collected the UK Transport Journalist of the Year
runner-up bronze medal (and #100 cheque). Also, `she got a handshake and
a few words from Princess Anne -- and the opportunity to note that when
proposing the loyal toast, the said Princess does "not" say "Me mum".'
[JN]
DON HERRON sends snippets of history: `Speaking of Charlie Brown
losing the Hugo, I found the following comment while browsing in back
issues of "Locus". From p4 of #71 (Jan 1971), Charlie Brown, reflecting
on recent Hugo voting, writes that Jerry Lapidus "feels that two Hugos
and three nominations are enough for "SF Review" and I agree." Say
"what"?'
GRAHAM JOYCE received the BFS August Derleth award for "Dark
Sister". I tried to bear this in mind during a chilling performance at
Novacon, with GJ and a confederate reading alternate sentences from
Lionel Fanthorpe's "March of the Robots" and the somehow hauntingly
similar "Night of the Crabs" by Guy N.Smith. Grown men pulled their own
heads off rather than endure more than five minutes of such literary
intensity.
TANITH LEE won new fame in "Literary Review"'s `Bad Sex in Fiction'
competition; an extract from her "Heart-Beast" was a runner-up. `A fine
piece of bad writing, lacking only the element of perfunctoriness to
reach high art in the field' -- Auberon Waugh, judge.
TERRY PRATCHETT learned self-expression in the USA: `Did my orang-
outan impression in Stephen Barnes's tai-ch'i class (well, he said let
yourself feel as free as the spirit of an animal; it wasn't as if I
"believed" he had lice on him).'
BOB SHAW, in an exploratory operation, was found to be suffering
from cancer of the bowel. This was caught in good time, but the radio/
chemotherapy is still a nasty business -- hence his continuing hospital
stay, though he's been able to go out for short walks. There was a very
long queue to sign Bob's multiple get-well cards at Novacon.
WILL SHETTERLY, world-famous (in Minnesota) fantasy author and
consort of even more famous Emma Bull, is running for Governor of
Minnesota. [VR]
### CONFRACTION ###
23 Dec XMAS WELLINGTON MEETING. Be there or be sober.
28-30 Jan 94 STARBASE ("Trek"), Hilton Hotel, Leeds. GoH George
Takei. #35 reg; no memberships at the door (or after 14 Jan). Contact 152
Otley Rd, Headingley, Leeds, LS16 5JX.
4-6 Feb 94 VIBRAPHONE (filk), Oak Hotel, Brighton. #27 reg.
Contact 2 Duncan Gate, London Rd, Bromley, BR1 3SG.
4-6 Mar 94 MASQUE III (costume con), Stakis Victoria Hotel,
Nottingham. #20 reg "to 30 Dec", then #25. Contact 4 Ednaston Ct,
Ashbourne, Derbyshire, DE6 3BA.
1-4 Apr 94 SOU'WESTER (Eastercon), Liverpool. "Now #27 reg".
Contact 3 West Shrubbery, Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ. "Neil Gaiman,
leering:" `Does being a GoH mean I get to sleep with the con chair?'
"Chris Bell (for it is she):" `Er, I'm "not" chairing Sou'Wester. Marcus
Streets is.' "Neil:" `Errrr....'
4-6 Nov 94 NOVACON 24, Royal Angus Hotel, Brum. (Date/venue to
be confirmed.) GoH Graham Joyce. #20 reg. Contact 14 Park St, Lye,
Stourbridge, W.Midlands, DY9 8SS.
14-17 Apr 95 CONFABULATION (Eastercon), Britannia Int'l Hotel,
London Docklands. #15 reg "rising to #20 on 1 Jan 94. "Quick: contact 3
York St, Altrincham, Cheshire, WA15 9QH.
Oct 97 WORLD FANTASY CON in London (new hotel). [SJ]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
NOVA AWARDS went to Simon Ounsley's "Lagoon" (fanzine), Simon again (fan
writer -- `It took me 15 years to get my first Nova ... and about 30
seconds to get the second one') and Dave Mooring (fan artist). The Leeds
Group Mind again....
HUBBARD WATCH. The US journo magazine "The Quill" (Nov/Dec 93) has
an article on L.Ron's PR operations which supports a commonly held though
oft-denied sf view: `AUTHOR SERVICES INC ... established in the early
1980s as a for-profit "full service literary agency" with offices on
Hollywood's Sunset Boulevard. The only catch was that Hubbard was the
only author. And every staff member was in the Sea Organization
"[Scientology's inner circle]".' [JA] Hi, Fred!
C.O.A. ETC. "Ken Lake", Metro Inn, PO Box 9043, Nadi Airport, Fiji
[to end Dec. From a bed of pain in Honiara, Solomon Islands: `Shall I die
in this pesthole? If so, kiss Catie Cary for me.']. "Eunice Pearson/Phill
Probert", 2 New Houses, Pant Rd, Dowlais, Merthyr Tydfil, Mid-Glam. []
"Late flash:" Lee David Frederick Bond-Hibbert born 29 July.... [SG]
ORYCON 15 in Portland, Oregon, had Terry Pratchett and Lionel
Fanthorpe as guests. Our mole reports: `In the original Discworld story
Pratchett contributed to the programme book, the influence of Fanthorpe's
earlier work was obvious. The Pratchett "Theatre of Cruelty" begins: "It
was a fine summer morning, the kind to make a man happy to be alive. And
probably the man" would "have been happier to be alive. He was, in fact,
dead. / It would be hard to be deader without special training." This
opening is highly reminiscent of Fanthorpe's much earlier work "Out of
the Darkness", which begins: "Bellenger was dead when they found him.
That Bellenger was dead was probably the understatement of the year.
Bellenger was horribly, violently dead! / If there can be various degrees
of anything so terrible and final as death, then it could be said that
Bellenger was as dead as it was possible to be." Also in the Orycon
programme book, Guy N.Smith writes of Fanthorpe's influence on his
writing career. It is interesting that two such quality writers should
have been inspired by the prolific but unrecognized works of one man.'
[AoO]
SCIENTIFIC UNITS. `The moving target felt vaguely feminine and
wholly dangerous: it felt light-years older than Jezrael's biological age
of twenty-five.' (Anne Gay, "The Brooch of Azure Midnight")
ETHICAL DILEMMA. A certain "Cr*t*c*l W*ve" editor, not Martin Tudor,
asks me to urge that you all support this newly `relaunched' sf news mag
(6 issues: #8.50). He marks the request DNQ. So I shouldn't "really"
mention 845 Alum Rock Rd, Ward End, Birmingham, B8 2AG....
THAT "SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA" CD-ROM ... is now (re)scheduled for January.
I have one of the 3 proof copies so far produced, and have been hunting
for bugs. At present, trying to read the entry for CHALKER, JACK causes
one's computer to hang up irretrievably -- leading to a modest campaign
for the retention of this neat enhancement in the final retail edition.
TAFF. Martin Morse Wooster donated a hotel offer card (double room
for price of single in selected Brit hotels to end May 94). Highest bid
by mid-Jan secures: ask A.Frost, 95 Wilmot St, London, E2 0BP.
WORLD FANTASY CON. Tim Powers's "Last Call" won the WF novel award,
Harlan Ellison a Lifetime Achievement award. `Pretty good con ...
impressive dealers' room ... great mix of attendees and guests ... con
suite with complimentary meals and "free" bar! Only disappointments were
a poorly organized art show and some of the worst programming ever to
grace a WFC. Programmer Steven Brust (he of the dragon books)
concentrated on fantasy writers, local fans and mostly himself, ignoring
the horror people, publishers and artists present.' [SJ]
MISCEGENATION! Boxtree's publicity explains the sinister success of
their games tie-in books: `We commission the very best writers -- authors
like Ian Newman and Kim Watson.' [DP]
FORGOTTEN FUTURES. Marcus Rowland begs a plug for his shareware disk
of role-playing game rules, plus copious source material based (mainly)
on Kipling's ABC stories. I was interested by Utopian scene-setting
dialogues like: "`Ah, Comrade Reporter Langford, welcome to People's
Synthetic Food Processing Plant 12B. Here we take sawdust and convert it
to the finest synthetic protein ...' [several pages of explanation
omitted] `This is wonderful, Comrade Food Synthesis Manager Bell. Now,
how does the operation of this plant fit into Comrade Glorious Leader
Illingworth's five year socio-economic plan?' [several more pages
omitted]...." [22 Westbourne Pk Villas, London, W2 5EA]
CONFRANCISCO (oyez! oyez!) rushed to say `Oops!' and refund the #15-
odd which UPS charged me to receive my add-on bits of Hugo. ConFrancisco,
possibly the finest con ever....
NO LAWSUIT! H.Ellison won't be suing NESFA `into oblivion' over
their use of Cordwainer Smith's "Last Dangerous Visions" story. `NESFA
and Mr. Ellison have reached an amicable settlement, and we will still
continue to publish the Smith book.' [BY] Perhaps, when he consulted the
contract, HE might have found his rights to the story had long expired?
Meanwhile the NESFA collection sold out and is being reprinted.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: Solomons Pijin. "nambawan", the best;
"nambaten", the worst; "nambanaen", Honiara Central Hospital; "mektrabol
long hasban" (or "long mere"), to commit adultery; "beleran", diarrhoea.
[KL]
### THE ELLISON APPRECIATION SOCIETY ###
"CHARLES PLATT explains his new, philanthropic project:"
More than eight years ago, Harlan Ellison struck a glancing blow to
the side of my jaw with the immortal words, `That's from Larry Shaw,
motherfucker. Who's dead.' This tap of the knuckles was retribution for
my public expression of disgust at the tastelessness of an obituary-like
`tribute' to the then still living Larry Shaw that Ellison had staged at
a worldcon. (Shaw was an editor who bought some early Ellison stories.)
Anyway: following the fisticuffs, Ellison heard that I was planning
to publish a work by critic and author Gregory Feeley, listing in
relentless detail every novel that Ellison had ever claimed he was
currently writing. (In at least one case, he claimed he had "finished the
manuscript". None of these works has ever been seen by an editor, and
most of them never got past the conceptual stage.)
Outraged by my refusal to shut up, Ellison threatened to sue. I
responded with a suggestion that we could have a peace treaty. If Ellison
would apologize for hitting me and would promise to withdraw his legal
action, I would promise not to write about him any more.
Ellison agreed. He went further: in a letter dated April 19th, 1988,
he described his assault on me as `both violent and inappropriate.' He
said, `I fully and sincerely apologize' for any public embarrassment
caused. He added, `I assure you that if your reticence in private and in
public and in print about me is maintained, that I will punctiliously
refrain from making any comments of any kind about you.'
Fair enough. As of mid-1988, I stopped making any references to
Harlan Ellison. I pretty much forgot about him. Years passed. My
involvement in sf diminished, to the point where I literally wasn't sure
whether Ellison was still alive.
This year, I heard that he had started using an absurdly dramatized
version of our `violent' encounter as a humorous anecdote at sf
conventions. Finally in November I received a call from the "Comics
Journal", which plans to print, verbatim, a speech which Ellison gave at
a large comics event. The speech describes how he pulverized my face to
the point where I could not speak and was forced to bump my head on the
floor in order to plead for mercy. It alleges that everyone who saw this
encounter was so much on Ellison's side, and so hostile to me, they all
claimed they had seen nothing. (Actually, Fred Pohl spontaneously offered
to testify on my behalf, but that's another story.)
I admit I was pissed off that this sanctimonious champion of human
rights had risen from the grave and unilaterally reneged on his written
word. I called him and told him he was a silly old bugger. He shouted a
few obscenities, threatened to `pop me one' if I didn't leave him alone,
and hung up on me.
I have now written to him requesting (another) cessation of
hostilities. This time, he has to apologize publicly -- perhaps in a
letter to "Locus". If he is unwilling to do so, wearily, I will take
steps of my own. I will subsidize a new business venture: the ELLISON
INFORMATION LIBRARY. This will serve as a clearing house for anyone who
has a story to tell about Mr. Ellison. Serious critical analyses,
reminiscences, testimonials from ex-wives -- the Library will be open to
all data, the only proviso being that it must be "true". It will be a
long-overdue resource for scholars, critics, and readers who want some
counterpoint to the self-aggrandizement which continues to emanate from
Ellison Wonderland. With any luck, the Library will endure as a monument
to Ellison long after his death -- and maybe even after mine.
The Ellison Information Library will be available online. The first
few documents will be `golden oldies', such as Christopher Priest's "The
Last Deadloss Visions" (never before circulated in the United States) and
my own `LDV/RIP', in which I tabulated the death rates of contributors
to "The Last Dangerous Visions". In due course, I'm sure I will be able
to publish more timely work, including Gregory Feeley's much-anticipated
but still-unseen overview of those many, many, MANY unwritten novels.
Naturally, I have better things to do, but if Harlan Ellison is
going to go around spreading gossip about me, the least I can do is
spread some truth about him. [charles@mindvox.phantom.com, 21 Nov 93]
Ansible 77 (c) Dave Langford, 1993. Thanks to Anon of Oregon, Jon Atack,
Paul Barnett, David `Oops' Bratman, Steve Green, Steve Jones, Ken Lake,
Janice Murray, Joseph Nicholas, David Pringle, Vicki Rosenzweig, Ian
`Credit Me, You Bastard' Sales, Ben Yalow.
2/12/93
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 80
MARCH 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. "Ansible" is
or is not available.
FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. Does your small-press magazine review horror books
or movies? Just watch it. "Paul Barnett" explains: `In mid-February John
Gullidge, editor of "Samhain", was stitched up in the "Western Morning
News" and "Exeter Express & Echo" in the wake of the seizure elsewhere
in the country of whole stacks of video nasties; according to these
papers, "Samhain" was little more than a trading ground for such stuff
and the police were about to swoop. The "E&E" also made a jolly link-by-
proximity (as a tag-on piece) between John's activities and the Jamie
Bulger memorial service, with a good plug about how the judge had said
it was all caused by "Child's Play 3" -- but nothing, of course, about
the police refutation of that claim. [] In fact "Samhain" rarely even
mentions video nasties (as opposed to legit horror movies) except in
passing, and enjoys excellent relations with the trading standards
people, who feel that John's conduct of the magazine is -- so far as
their interests are concerned -- exemplary. The "E&E" knew this but
didn't bother to mention it; the "WMN" did not know it because they'd
omitted to do any in-depth research such as ringing John up (a failing
which they pathetically described as "no one was available for comment").
With the true instinct for integrity in journalism, neither paper deigned
to print a letter from him correcting these and other errors of fact; and
John doesn't feel he can either sue or go to the Press Complaints
Commission because some of his other activities rely on reasonable
relations with these formerly sycophantic slime-buckets. [] The net
result is that as far as the local population is concerned, there is a
Monster in our Midst. John is getting ill treatment in the streets to the
extent that he goes out as little as possible; several parents have
withdrawn their kids from the Woodcraft Folk group of which he is play-
leader, and he's been summoned to an extraordinary meeting to be
confronted by them; etc. The whole thing makes me see red. Grrr!'
"The above was faxed to both papers for comment. None as yet."
### MONSTERS IN ORBIT ###
CECELIA HOLLAND has finally read William James's SUNFALL trilogy, noted
here last year as bearing a Curious Resemblance to her 1969 historical
novel "Until the Sun Falls". Ms Holland seems to agree, in an
incandescent letter which we may publish after she's taken legal advice.
Latest rumour: devotees of her mediaeval novels "The Earl" (in UK, "A
Hammer for Princes") and "Great Maria" may also find happy memories in
the pages of SUNFALL.
JOHN HOLM, Harry Harrison's collaborator on "The Hammer and the
Cross", is (unsecretly) Tom Shippey. His minor billing may not reflect
his share of the novel: one pundit reckons it's `90% Shippey'. Yet the
US Tor edition omits `Holm' entirely....
JACK KIRBY died on 6 Feb. "Rob Hansen" writes: `Born Jacob
Kurtzberg, Kirby was one of the true giants of the US comics industry.
Starting in 1935 with newspaper strips, he developed a repertoire of
techniques that by the time of his Marvel Comics work in the 1960s had
given his artwork unparalleled power and dynamics. For better or worse,
Kirby established the visual grammar of superhero storytelling; his
influence was immense. He created "Captain America" with Joe Simon in
1941, but will be most widely remembered for his ground-breaking 1960s
work on "Fantastic Four", "Thor", "Incredible Hulk", "X-Men", etc.'
PAT MURPHY, whose car crash in Nepal was reported in "A78", is now
`fine, except for what sounds like a whiplash injury. Apparently the
Nepalese vehicle which rolled didn't have seatbelts, hence the injuries.'
[LS]
GREG PICKERSGILL proves that Genteel Conversation is not dead:
`Colonic irrigation -- it's amazing what you can learn from daytime
television! This is a REALLY BIG DEAL. It's not just an enema, they have
these two tubes, a big one and a little one, and they stick "yards and
yards" of them up you and pump water up the small tube. And all this
stuff comes SPURTING down the big one, shit and worms and bits of meat
you ate three years ago....' "Eileen Weston:" `Not three years! It
couldn't, er, because, er....' "[sudden thoughtful silence]". "GP:" `It's
very popular with people like ... like ... who's that stupid woman Prince
Charles married?'
TERRY PRATCHETT, in an astonishing reversal of expectations, won the
"BCA Fantasy & SF Author of the Year Award" (latest addition to the
commercially oriented British Book Awards).
CARL SAGAN disliked Apple's use of `Carl Sagan' as internal nickname
for a planned computer ("A79"). Insider sources now add that he chiefly
objected to the company of sister projects named Tesla, Piltdown Man and
Cold Fusion. Thus the machine briefly became the BHA, for `Butt-Head
Astronomer' ... only to be renamed, in short order, the LAW: `Lawyers Are
Wimps'.
HELEN SHARMAN, Astro-OBE, will present the Arthur C.Clarke Award on
20 April: Kennedy Room, Irish Centre, Murray St, Camden. 6pm for 7:30.
MC: Geoff Ryman. More data: David V.Barrett.
BRUCE STERLING heard from a Brit who got a job in telecomms after
reciting large chunks of "The Hacker Crackdown" at his interview:
`Suggested promotional line for the sf audience of the 90s: "Read Bruce
Sterling and actually get a job".'
### CONGIARY ###
4-6 Mar MASQUE III (costume con), Stakis Victoria Hotel, Nottingham.
#25 reg. Bring a bottle of Red Death.
5-6 Mar MICROCON 14, Devonshire House, Exeter University, 10am-
6pm. GoH Geoff Ryman and many more. #5 reg.
12-13 Mar SEDUCED AND ABANDONED: THE BODY IN THE VIRTUAL WORLD,
ICA. Pat Cadigan (`Still too good for you') and Bruce Sterling -- who
promises a `virtual reality lecture gig. Also Viking Penguin Ninja Turtle
are twisting me arm to do promo for the British "Hacker Crackdown".
Cadigan gets to actually promote sf novels and sign at sf bookstores but
I have to play pundit and journalist for mundanes.' ICA: 071 930 3647.
25-7 Mar TREK DWARF II, Holiday Inn, Leicester. #35 reg. Contact
47 Marsham, Orton, Coldhay, Peterborough, PE2 5RN.
1-4 Apr SOU'WESTER (Eastercon), Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool. #27
reg. No postal memberships after 14 Mar. Contact 3 West Shrubbery,
Redland, Bristol, BS6 6SZ. "Chris Bell" advises `that membership costs
"#27" NOT #25, #23 or #30; that I shall probably assault anyone else who
writes on the FRONT of the hotel form that their reason for "really
really" wanting a single in the Adelphi is "so my boyfriend doesn't have
to pay for a bed", and I have to tippex it out before photocopying the
form for the hotel; that our bank won't take cheques to "Eastercon '94"
instead of "Sou'Wester" (and CERTAINLY not "Albacon '94"!!), nor yet
dated Jan/Feb 1993; and no, we don't take Amex NOR BOOK TOKENS. As for
PUBLISHERS....' "[Expletives deleted]." A "Local UK SF Groups Listing"
is planned as a Sou'Wester newsletter spinoff -- date, time and place
info to me before Easter Sunday, please.
1-4 Apr T'KON ("Trek"), Norfolk Gardens Hotel, Bradford. #25 reg.
Contact 167 Kingshurst Rd, Northfield, Birmingham, B31 2LL (SAE advised).
27-30 May INCONCEIVABLE (humour/sf), Tudor Court Hotel, Draycott,
near Derby. #20 reg, #25 after Easter. Contact 12 Crich Ave, Littleover,
Derby, DE23 6ES. Tee-hee!
1-2 Oct OCTOCON 94, Royal Marine Hotel, Dun Laoghaire, Co.Dublin.
#12 reg to 1 May, then #16. Contact 14 Ardagh Pk, Blackrock, Co.Dublin,
Ireland. A 5th Anniversary Special.
3-5 Feb 95 TRANSEPT (7th UK filk con), Cambridge. #18 reg.
Contact 2 Westbrook Pk Rd, Woodston, Peterborough.
"Rumblings"
MISDEMEANOUR (Feb) was a jolly little convention in
the old Silicon mode, held in a Somerset hotel-cum-real-ale-pub which
will be visited again. Advertised highlight was the "Trial and Execution
of Steve Green" (court reporter Dave Wood likened defending counsel Pam
Wells to Perry Mason and prosecutor Katie McAulay to Rumpole) ... amateur
conjurer Ray `The Other' Bradbury carried out sentence with an electric
saw but a disappointing lack of blood capsules. The true highlight was
a Greg Pickersgill rant -- with audience participation -- about the
public image of The Scottish Convention: `Is it our fault or is it just
a natural disaster that has fallen on us?' This had the general effect
of tossing a grenade into a murky pond; strange and revealing flotsam
came to the surface. Not much can be done with plaints like '79 chair
Peter Weston's `They've got the wrong location, the wrong site! They are
DOOMED!', nor wild hopes that the event might somehow be moved bodily to
Brighton ... but perceptions of the '95 committee as having been
simultaneously disorganized, over-bureaucratic and uncommunicative were
taken to heart: co-chair Martin Easterbrook later vowed improvements,
beginning with the rapid return of his "Small Mammal" as a Worldcon news
forum. Some rumours faded when exposed to light: Julian Headlong,
globetrotter and business conventioneer, insisted that the Scottish
Exhibition & Conference Centre closed at 7pm with a possible extension
to 9pm for major items like the Hugos, but Mr Easterbrook corrects this
to a rather more cheering 1am. [] James Steel has since launched "The
Digest", an informal one-sheeter about `the "Creative" bits of
Intersection': 15 Maldon Close, Camberwell, SE5 8DD. [] "Pickersgill:"
`When they played "God Save The Queen" at the end of Seacon '79, I cried
... I felt this great surge of patriotism that British fandom had done
this thing.' "Ansible:" `Greg, what did you do at the end of Conspiracy?'
"GP:" `I got fucking drunk of course.'
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
THE DEAD PAST. Almost remembered US fan Tom Perry has a squib on Heinlein
in Damon Knight's "Monad #3" which may outrage the easily outraged.
Tracking down the 30s political activity which RAH kept so dark, Tom
finds it was (by US standards) left-wing: erstwhile socialist Upton
Sinclair's `End Poverty In California' platform. The `moderate Democrat'
story told to and published by Jerry Pournelle seems untrue in numerous
details. Tom wonders if RAH suppressed this innocuous-seeming data in
fear of Nixon and McCarthy (whose investigations he ironically `saw
little wrong with'), since EPIC links could be taken as evidence of `un-
American activities'. Was this why Heinlein was touchy until death about
his 1941 Worldcon speech, threatening legal action in 1973 when the text
-- arguably in the public domain -- was reprinted through the well-
meaning efforts of Forrest J.Ackerman? Its second paragraph approvingly
mentions Sinclair-as-politician, you see....
C.O.A. ETC. "Linda Krawecke/Dave Carson", 1a Mountney Rd, Old Town,
Eastbourne, E.Sussex, BN21 1RJ. "Tom Perry", 1702 West Camelback Rd #285,
Phoenix, AZ 85015, USA. "Bob Shaw", 98 London Rd, Stockton Heath,
Warrington, Cheshire, WA4 6LE. "Lucy Sussex/Julian Warner", 13 Frederick
St, Brunswick, VIC 3056, Australia. `GUFF administrator Roman Orszanski
and Sue Peukert have a baby boy -- Dylan Peukert Orszanski -- born 23 Feb
at Adelaide's Calvary Hospital.' [MO]
STRANGE RELATIONS. Having interviewed `William Burroughs, Shamen,
Kurt Vonnegut, Led Zeppelin, M.John Harrison, Deep Purple, E.C.Tubb,
Storm Constantine etc,' "Andy Darlington" continued this crescendo of
fame by tackling `Leeds' finest band THE MEKONS. Jon Langford claimed he
was your brother, and Bonnie Langford your mutual sister. The former I'm
prepared to accept....' Really?
IN THE MAIL. "Tom Digby Along Fantasy Way" is a TD anthology fanzine
from ConFrancisco, still available at $5 post free from 712 Bancroft
Suite 1993, Walnut Creek, CA 94598, USA. Verses and clever prose snippets
from arcane APAs. [] "Savoy Wars" -- a world first! Savoy Books have
chosen your deaf editor, whose record collection has been static at 11
items since 1974, to review their CD of P.J.Proby "et al"! [] "Invasion
of the Liberty Snatchers" is a subtly titled booklet of FOREST's anti-
anti-smoking-propaganda sf competition winners. Awful, plonking stuff:
no message is helped by delivery as bad as this. (28pp A5, #3.99).
CORRECTION. "A79:" Los Angeles SF Societoids note that Harry
Andruschak's claim to be nominated as `LASFS Nigger of the Year'
misrepresents their `Fugghead of the Year' fundraiser contest, lately
changed for political correctness to `Most Memorable Fan/Fanac'....
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: ICELANDIC for DSS workers.
"atvinnuleysistryggingasjodur", Unemployment Insurance Fund.
### 1993 WORLD FANTASY CON -- AGAIN ###
Unprecedented storm and fury were unleashed by "Steve Jones"'s "A77"
allegation of lousy WFC programming (`storm' and `fury' are traditional
newspaper terms signifying `a few people wrote and we had space to
fill'). "Patrick Nielsen Hayden" ("A78") and "Chip Hitchcock" disagreed,
the latter saying: `I find most convention programs (including the only
other WFC I've been to) uninteresting, and would rate the latest WFC
substantially above all of them. Brust put himself on more panels than
modesty might dictate, but I found him interesting.' This might explain
"Lloyd Penney"'s retort: `your membership got you charter membership in
the Steve Brust Self-Promotion and Autograph Line Marching Society.'
"David Drake" thought: `The topics were deadly dull "[...]" and so
far as I could tell they were meant to be dull -- if they were
interesting, that meant they were insufficiently serious for a matter of
such gravity as fantasy.' But he liked the panel `in which David Hartwell
and Charlie Brown proved that the reviews in "Locus" are worthless to the
general reader by Charlie's intent rather than his ineptitude. I suppose
watching someone burn himself alive could be interesting in the same
fashion.' DD has a cock-up theory of the WFC: "(a)" past organizers (`the
second Providence committee in particular') were snotty to programme
volunteers; "(b)" rather than be insulted in '93, many waited to be
asked; "(c)" S.Brust, conversely, waited for volunteers; "(d)" local
fantasy pals climbed aboard while the non-local horror crowd didn't and
felt left out. QED.
"Teresa Nielsen Hayden" had some `excessively lively panels. I got
into a live-fire fight with Harlan Ellison on a couple of 'em at World
Fantasy Con (three panels in a row in the same room, without a break, and
he was on the first and third), and so have finally come to be in his
TLDV-size black books. As with Pickersgill, it's bound to happen sooner
or later. [] The first "[panel]", on the influence of good and bad
critics, started with Harlan denouncing Gregory Feeley, for a startling
list of faults and misdeeds that ran about 90% inaccurate. I coughed
discreetly and said, "I am Greg's editor. And his friend." This hint
passed unheeded, as did several further attempts to head off Harlan's
stampede. Eventually I said, more severely, "Harlan, I don't let Greg go
on at me about "you", either." (A lie.) He let it go for a while. [] Late
in the panel, someone asked whether there weren't any good critics. I
nominated you without thinking through the possible consequences, and
Harlan promptly denounced you as "a worthless asshole". "He is not!" I
shot back wittily, followed by enough other people signifying instant
disagreement to make clear that Harlan's was a minority opinion. [] He's
getting to be a mean old son of a bitch. Boring, too.'
I knew being a pal of Chris Priest's would catch up with me one day.
Teresa recalls a Readercon Midnight Horror Panel showing that US
pros "know how to have fun". The title was `Is Violence Necessary?', and
`a dead-drunk and bizarrely dressed Kathryn Cramer first monopolized the
discourse, pacing back and forth in front of the panel while ranting
incoherently into her-friend-the-invisible-mike; then assaulted another
panelist who'd been holding up signs ("HELP US PLEASE HELP US") and
intermittently suggesting she sit down and shut up (during the early
phases of which struggle she inadvertently kicked David Hartwell in the
face, whereat David went and sat in the audience); then capped it all
when, upon the panelist's extricating himself from her clutches, she
toppled face-first from the dais, too drunk to even put out her hands to
cushion her fall, and announced while lying there with her face in the
carpet that said panelist was fired from "The New York Review of SF". "I
quit six months ago," he reminded her. (That was John Ordover.) After
that David collected her up for future use, and the panel ended. []
Ansible 80 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to David V.Barrett, Dave
Clark, John Clute, Mike Glyer, Joseph Nicholas, Marc Ortlieb, Bruce Pelz,
Tom Perry, Lucy Sussex, Peter Weston, Dave Wood, other fans credited in
the text and our Hero Distributors.
3 Mar 94
Posted by Dave Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 81
APRIL 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. "Ansible" is
available for SAE or personal grovelling.
[Disclaimer: Each issue of ANSIBLE is designed for exquisite DTP in
multiple fonts. This text dump for CIX and Usenet looks awful. So it
goes. DRL]
SOU'WESTER. The 1994 British Eastercon saw the expected Hogarthian scenes
of desperate fun in the Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool. Attendance approached
800. Again your editor and his merry hacks produced the newsletter ("The
Adelphi Coracle") and missed the convention itself, a hallowed fan
tradition which I think will have to stop.... Countless issues appeared,
John Dallman having hypnotized Gestetner Ltd into loaning a super
copyprinter. About the only item we censored was an explicit article on
`How To Have Sex With A Jacuzzi', although the Games mob seemed miffed
when a lengthy submission listing the zillions of treats they offered and
ending `In fact, about the only thing we don't have is Dungeons and
Dragons' was cut by ace copyeditor John Grant to: `"Trimmed To Fit
Space". The Games Room doesn't have Dungeons and Dragons.' [] GoHs NEIL
GAIMAN, DIANE DUANE and PETER MORWOOD baffled the committee at dinner
with an erudite discussion of the works of J.P.Martin ("Uncle" etc),
while other GoH BARBARA HAMBLY looked bemused. [] RAMSEY CAMPBELL offered
handy writing hints (`Think of the first line BEFORE you write it down')
and insisted that his new mega-collection "Alone with the Horrors" is not
about baby-sitting. [] DIANA WYNNE JONES's appearance was much welcomed,
but her dread back pains returned and at 8:15am on Saturday morning I
found her dismally awaiting a taxi back to the station. (Commiserations.)
[] On 1 April the 21st birthday of VAT was celebrated, and on 4 April the
10th birthday of "1984"'s opening scene. [] Following the Groucho Club
`write a novel in 24 hours' competition, eight volunteer lunatics each
strove to write one in 7 minutes (winner: Jane Killick). [] EVOLUTION won
the 1996 Eastercon bidding with 124 votes, totally defeating two unfunny
spoof bids which got 10 votes between them; there were also 17
abstentions. [] SECURITY problems, curse of the Adelphi, seemed well
handled by John Harold's mysterious `stealth' techniques whose outward
signs were pacing corridors, issuing cute little burglar alarms and
telling a really quite boggling number of fans that they hadn't bothered
to close their hotel-room doors. [] EASTERCON AWARDS. Long Text: Clute/
Nicholls, "The Encyclopaedia of SF". Short Text: Eric Brown, `The Time-
Lapsed Man'. Artwork: Stephen Briggs & Terry Pratchett, "The Streets of
Ankh-Morpork". Dramatic: "The Wasp Factory" dramatization. [] BSFA
AWARDS. Novel: Chris Evans, "Aztec Century". Short: Rob Holdstock & Garry
Kilworth, `The Ragthorn'. Artwork: Jim Burns for "Red Dust" cover --
Jim's 10th BSFA award, talented bugger. Special Award (very popular, with
a lengthy presentation speech read by Iain Banks): "The Encyclopaedia of
SF". [] MORE AWARDS. Doc Weir for general niceness: Tim Broadribb.
Phlosque (new award for notably and noisomely "cute" sf/fantasy art):
Dave Mooring. Ken McIntyre (fan art): Barbara Mascetti's Stratmann-
wedding invitation design. [] THE ASTRAL LEAUGE "[sic]", most eldritch
of elites, had one of its periodic revivals at the ichor-spattered hands
of Peter Weston (Occult Master of Tunelessness), who led a revivalist
chorus of Astral Hymns that efficiently cleared half the main hotel
lounge. [] FIX! The committee let slip that `"Ansible" had more Eastercon
Award nominations than the rest of the Short Text category put together;
we decided you were ineligible 'cos you won it last year.' Fair enough,
boss. [] BOB SHAW reminisced: `When I was young we couldn't afford drinks
-- we just chewed tar off the road.' [] JIM ORR of Nimbus Info Systems
proudly demonstrated the latest proof of the CD-ROM "SF Encyclopaedia",
supposedly being finished at last "this very week!" [] GAMMA bawled out
entire bars full of tightfists like John Clute who failed to be enticed
by his amazing offer of the previously unpublished P.K.Dick novel "Gather
Yourselves Together" at (thanks to a special US-airlift and no-discount
deal) #36.00 ... due in June. [] CHRIS BELL thanks `everyone except Steve
Jones' for being nice to her. [] DAVE LANGFORD's brain still hurts. []
### CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED ###
POPPY Z.BRITE, the New Orleans dark-fantasy writer, went down well on her
early-March UK tour. `Intelligent, witty, humorous, sympathetic and good-
looking,' babbles "Chris Fowler". `Poppy, on a Barbican Event panel with
Sybil Marshall (in feisty grandma mode) and Esther Freud, read a piece
from "Lost Souls" which was pretty mild. When challenged as to why she
didn't gross out the Brits with any of a hundred more, er, explicit
passages, she explained her frantic round of promotional duties had left
her "brain dead". Her reading knocked spots off both her fellow writers
-- almost as entertaining as the day's final session, where Howard
Jacobson did his best to offend the PC members of the audience while
Beryl Bainbridge had obviously dipped far too heavily into the
hospitality bottles.... All thanks to Penguin.'
PAT CADIGAN's mysterious affliction of Progressive Syllable Loss
means (she confides) that following "Mindplayers, Synners" and "Fools"
her next novel has to be called "S". After which....
JOHN GRANT, famed for LONE WOLF game tie-in novels, is muttering
about Roc's `Shadowrun' game tie-in novel called ... "Lone Wolf" (by
Nigel Findley). Luckily Findley's style is decidedly fragging different
from Grant's, making fragging endless fragging use of one fragging
adjective. Or fragging participle.
CECELIA HOLLAND continues the `William James' saga: `I have now read
most of the SUNFALL trilogy and am convinced this guy sat there with my
books open next to him on the table while he "wrote" his. He also
plagiarized parts of "The Earl" (in England it was titled "A Hammer for
Princes") and "Great Maria". (Both books, being set in Medieval Europe,
rely, oh, really heavily, you know, on "The Secret History of the
Mongols".) In fact I think he had at a lot of people, such as Dorothy
Dunnett, as well as me. But me mostly.' [] "Later:" `The "[New York]"
Authors Guild has read the evidence I gave them for my case of plagiarism
against William James and they saw the case is very strong. You can
publish that letter now, and I hope you do.' Glad to oblige....
ROBERT SHEA died of cancer on 10 March. He's best remembered for co-
writing ILLUMINATUS! with Robert Anton Wilson (still with us, despite a
tiresome Internet death hoax a week earlier).
WHITLEY STRIEBER is not mentioned this issue, but just wait.
GENE WOLFE thinks `I ought to explain why Charlesen Brown is mad at
me, since I'm the only one who cares. It all began (and ended) at the
World Fantasy Convention banquet. Harlan Ellison got the Grand Master
award, and I complained, mentioning that I was older and a better writer.
(Both true.) He reciprocated by awarding me his trophy, saying (and I
quote), "You want it? Here, take it!" [] Naturally I joined the winners
who were posing for pictures. Out of deference to the sensibilities of
history, I held my thumb over Harlan's name. At no time did I claim to
be Harlan Ellison no matter what Charlesen may print. Naturally, I appear
in all the news photos of the event. That, as I think you will agree, is
only right and just. Harlan's trophy -- I gave it back, having been
reminded that it is properly presented at the end of the recipient's
career -- appears in the pictures too, and it should be easy to take out
my face and substitute his. We look very much alike, except that Harlan
is handsome. [] This is the truth. I have done nothing wrong....'
### CONTECK ###
29 Apr - 2 May UFP 94 ("Trek"), Britannia Int'l Hotel, London
Docklands. Contact 61 Scotchill, Coventry, CV6 2EW.
6-8 May VIRTUAL FUTURES: A PHILOSOPHICAL CONFERENCE, Univ of
Warwick. With surprise return of Pat Cadigan (`Goddess and Professional
Burden') after reportedly being -- along with Bruce Sterling -- the only
non-boring feature of the March ICA thingy. #10 reg, #12 after 30 Apr.
Contact CRPL, Dept of Philosophy, Univ of Warwick, Coventry, CV4 7AL.
20-22 May MEXICON 6 (`The Party'), Hertford Park Hotel,
Stevenage. #9.50 reg. #19.50 twin/dbl, #22.50 sngl. Contact 121 Cape
Hill, Smethwick, Warley, West Midlands, B66 4SH.
26-9 May EUROCON, Timisoara, Romania. #15 reg. Optional `7-day
advance tour of historic Transylvania'. Contact Bridget Wilkinson, 17
Mimosa, 29 Avenue Rd, Tottenham, N15 5JF. In a fit of Romegalomania the
organizers are now said to have wangled UNESCO funding ... tomorrow, the
Worldcon?
27-30 May INCONCEIVABLE (humour/sf), Tudor Court Hotel, Draycott,
near Derby. Now #25 reg. Contact 12 Crich Ave, Littleover, Derby, DE23
6ES. Giggle! Titter!
22-24 Jul DIMENSION JUMP ("Red Dwarf"), Angel Hotel, Northampton.
#25 reg to 1 Jun, then #30. Send `two stamps' to Garden Cottage, Hall
Farm, Scottow, Norwich, NR10 5DF.
4-5 Mar 95 MICROCON 15, Exeter Univ. Details to follow.
26-9 Jul 95 THE TIME MACHINE:, H.G.Wells Soc centenary symposium,
Imperial College, London. Titles/abstracts of proposed papers to Hon Sec,
HGW Soc, English Dept, Nene College, Moulton Park, Northants, NN2 7AL (by
31 Oct 94).
5-8 Apr 96 EVOLUTION (Eastercon), Metropole Hotel, Brighton. GoHs
Vernor Vinge, Colin Greenland, Bryan Talbot, Jack Cohen. (Jack babbled
at Easter that he'd had no idea he was a GoH, but later remembered
agreeing. `Like many brilliant men Jack's memory for what he's doing in
the midrange future is a bit tenuous.' [PMcM]) #20 reg. Room rates said
to be still under negotiation. Contact 13 Lindfield Gdns, Hampstead,
London, NW3 6PX.
"Rumblings" The "Faan Awards", scheduled for revival at CORFLU
NOVA (USA), have been dropped again owing to fandom's invincible apathy.
[AG] The Scottish Convention: following Maureen Speller's and Paul
Kincaid's anguished denial of rumours about the Serious Literary
programming (`We are not, repeat not, running it ...'), "Ansible" is
delighted to announce that it will be run by Paul Kincaid and Maureen
Speller (`I am well aware of the fact that we are mad taking this on').
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
WHO HE? Galaxy-famous fantasy hack Robert Jordan began life as Jim
Rigney; the celebrated ("Ansible, passim") William James of SUNFALL is
said to be really James William Bell; but who lurks behind the mask of
gossip columnist Eva D.Fanglord?
"CRITICAL WAVE", the UK newsletter by which others are judged, was
recently mailed out late owing to lack of funds -- too few people
resubscribed on time. Martin Tudor now promises a swift return to
schedule, adding that he's awesomely cut "CW" debts from nearly #4000 to
#1000+ in the last 2 1/2 years. (`The time I've been in work -- funny
coincidence.')
"STAR TREK" NEWS: `KIRK SPLIT ON HOMOSEXUALITY', says this headline
from the Catholic mag "The Tablet", and, er.... [MP] [] "Sociology of
Religion" (55:1, 1994) features `Star Trek Fandom as a Religious
Phenomenon', by Michael Jindra: `Star Trek fandom involves a
sacralization of elements of our culture, along with the formation of
communities with regularized practices that include a "canon" and a
hierarchy. Star Trek fandom is also associated with a popular stigma,
giving fans a sense of persecution and identity common to active
religious groups.' Visions of stigmata in the numinous shape of Starfleet
insignia....
C.O.A. "Ken Brown", 108 Sandrock Road, Lewisham. "Mog Decarnin", 521
N.Sweetzer Ave #1, West Hollywood, CA 90048-2641, USA. "Steven McDonald",
70 Greenfield Road, Essex Junction, Vermont 05452-3922, USA. "Barbara &
Hugh Mascetti", 12 Chesnut Way, Takeley, Herts, CM22 6RW. "Paul
Williams", PO Box 231155, Encinitas, CA 92023, USA. ALSO: `"Dave Wood"
joins Grandfather Fandom -- Louie Henry Wood "b."3 April!'
"FIRE AND WATER", HarperCollins's sf newsletter, `is undergoing a
radical rethink. The reason for this is that copies were not going out
of bookshops as had been the original intention. So a new, revamped
edition is forecast.' Real books which suffer this problem just get
dumped.
SQUATTERS' RIGHTS. Following the row between descendants of Lucy
Maud Montgomery and the politicians on Prince Edward Island, Canada, who
claim intellectual property rights to "Anne of Green Gables" because the
province is integral to the novel ... "Steve Green" remarks: `No doubt
Liverpool City Council is already contacting Ramsey Campbell, while the
population of Narnia will be eager for a slice of "Shadowlands".'
CORRECTIONS. "A79:" the Wrigley/Cross `Best of Lionel Fanthorpe'
won't appear until Summer 1995. [] "A80:" in "Samhain" vs. Unspeakable
Local Press, `Woodcraft Folk group' should read just `playgroup'. []
"Jonathan Cowie: an Apology." We are very sorry about Jonathan Cowie.
GOOD BITS. `She knew how to embroider and milk a cow.' -- Connie
Willis, "Doomsday Book". `He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk
panties followed.' -- Peter Hamilton, "Mindstar Rising".
ALMOST CENSORED! I rather hoped to give the vexed subject of Harlan
Ellison a rest, but "Dan Steffan" is made of sterner stuff: `On a recent
episode of the Sci-Fi (gag) Channel show "Sci-Fi Buzz", Harlan (their
weekly crabby commentator) took a camera crew into his house and showed
them the scene of his earthquake nose-break, accompanied by his out-of-
breath running description of the events -- we saw the staircase he
tumbled from, the books (now piled on a pool table) that fell from their
shelves and the ominously empty spot that once held a framed bit of
artwork that nearly ended his career when it leapt from the wall,
straight for HE's head. It was just like watching Oswald get shot or
seeing the Shuttle explode.' [] Chris Priest's "The Last Deadloss
Visions" has its first trade publication in May from Fantagraphics
($6.95), tastefully retitled "The Book on the Edge of Forever." In lieu
of an enthusiastic Ellison jacket blurb, a huge drawing of him dominates
the cover. Brits can obtain CP's own revised edition directly from him
at 32 Elphinstone Rd, Hastings, E.Sussex, TN34 2EQ ... #7.50 post free.
### NASTY TALES ###
We had some response to Paul Barnett's "A80" rant about West Country
newspaper hounding of John Gullidge and "Samhain" for no apparent reason
other than to give a spurious `local' angle on video-nasty prosecutions
in remote parts of Britain. Both papers were faxed in advance so they
could comment: the "Western Morning News" remains dumb, but Rachael
Campey of the Exeter "Express & Echo" eventually wrote to say our piece
was offensive (`It was, and justifiably so' -- Paul Barnett) and
inaccurate (no details offered), and furthermore that the "E&E" was by
no means a sensationalist tabloid. To demonstrate this, and perhaps to
show John Gullidge just what they can do to anyone who offends by making
a complaint, the "E&E" ran a 30 March story based on the shock horror
news that a mother withdrew her child from JG's playgroup some weeks
earlier ... i.e., as a result of the paper's own initial smear. The
drift, despite glowing testimonials from co-workers, children and
parents, was that JG is unfit to be an assistant playgroup leader thanks
to involvement with a well-regarded horror movie review mag. QED.
PAUL BARNETT is pondering a "SAMHAIN"BALLS fund (remember MJ-BALLS?)
which could raise money for legal action to shut up the "E&E" before it
succeeds in its apparent goal of losing John Gullidge his job. All
tentative so far: write to 17 Polsloe Rd, Exeter, Devon, EX1 2HL if you'd
like to be kept informed. "Ansible" will pass on any e-mail enquiries.
SIMON GREEN was `shocked ... but not surprised. I got raided by the
fuzz myself last year. Two plain-clothes officers turned up asking for
me. They showed a warrant card that looked like something had been
chewing on it.... [] Somewhere up North they'd arrested a video dealer
for selling porno/pirate videos. When they checked his mailing list, they
found my name. He'd been advertising rare horror stuff (at least a year
before), and I'd ordered something. The fuzz were convinced it was porn,
and demanded that I hand it over. "Your parents needn't know, just give
us the tape. We don't want to come back with a search warrant." [] So I
showed them my video collection, which was and is rather large, and all
of it kosher. They went through every title. It took over an hour of hard
talking to convince them I wasn't the porn king of Bradford-on-Avon. []
Now, they were never rude or intimidating, but they had come to my house
convinced that I was guilty. None of that "presumed innocent" crap. I
found the whole thing rather upsetting.' []
Ansible 81 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Jane Barnett, Paul `Thog'
Barnett, Chris Bell, Simon Bradshaw, John Clute, John Dallman, Chris `Not
The Novelist, The Other One' Fowler, Abigail `Shouting at people is what
I live for!' Frost, Neil Gaiman, Alexis Gilliland, Rob Hansen, Robert
Lichtman, Pat McMurray, Janice Murray, Teresa Nielsen Hayden, Marion
Pitman, Jilly Reed, Sou'Wester, Gary & Linda Stratmann, Usenet, Jan van't
Ent.
7 Apr 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 82
MAY 1994
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. "Ansible" is
available for SAE or personal grovelling.
[NET NOTE. The `real' ANSIBLE is printed and looks nicer (I hope), but
this version contains all the words apart from the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. DRL]
THE IDEAL FAN NEWSLETTER. `"Ansible" isn't an organ playing the right
tune here; I'm not talking about something three-quarters full of clever
wordplay no matter how ingenious about a bunch of paid hacks.' -- Greg
Pickersgill, "Rastus Johnson's Cakewalk 5".
### MIMSY WERE THE BOROGOVES ###
HARRY BELL is now a paid hack: he bagged #500 as regional winner of the
John Laing Art Competition for his oil painting of Pilgrim St, Newcastle
-- bought by JL (NE) plc for #600.
WILLIAM GIBSON muttered that, working on the "Johnny Mnemonic" film
and meeting a producer, he knew exactly how a virus felt when it met with
its own specific antibody. [YR]
COLIN GREENLAND warns that the anonymous loon who plagues UK sf
writers with plot ideas (see" A75/76") `has found a new game. This time
he's written to the BBC posing as me. The woman in the PR dept said it
was hard to understand what he wanted -- "he goes on about the universe,"
she explained....'
BERNARD KING (author of the TYRFING and KEEPER OF THE CHRONICLES
fantasy series) suffered several minor strokes, damaging short-term
memory and eyesight. He hopes that his current medication will allow him
to work again soon. [PB]
PAUL MCAULEY is `being troubled by a misguided idiot (or an
incompetent crook) in Canterbury who insists that he has written a short
story of mine using my name as a pseudonym. "Karl and the Ogre" was
reprinted in Tom Shippey's "Oxford SF" anthology, and shortly afterwards
my agent received a solicitor's letter demanding payment of the advance
on behalf of the aforementioned loony-tune. Not only this, but my would-
be doppelganger also hawked around a collection of short stories
including "Karl and the Ogre". Stiff lawyer's letters have been sent out
-- this kind of behaviour is what is known as "passing off" to m'learned
friends -- so I can't actually name names, but editors should note that
any material sent from a Canterbury address and claiming to be associated
with my name, isn't.'
JEFF NOON received the Arthur C.Clarke award (presented by Helen
Sharman) for his sf novel "Vurt" and won all hearts at the event by
getting totally smashed on the strength of it. The taped Voice of Clarke
Himself -- wot, no satellite link? -- commended practically everything
and issued an unexpected plug for the "SF Encyclopaedia" ... he must have
liked his entry. Fun was had despite the Camden venue's being several
hundred miles from any tube station. "Ansible" cannot confirm the rumour
that a HarperCollins representative contrived to mistake ACCA
administrator David V.Barrett for a woman. (`"Which" woman?')
GENERAL MANUEL NORIEGA, interviewed by film-maker Oliver Stone,
proves to be a fan. "OS:" `What books do you read?' "MN:" `I like science
fiction very much.' "OS:" `Any favourites?' "MN:" `No, whatever,
whatever.' "John Foyster" adds: `Ya gotta admire Stone's dead
sophisticated interviewing techniques, but what is Noriega trying to
hide? A passion for Lois McMaster Bujold? David Drake? Etc? Is this worth
a competition?' "(No -- Ed.)"
CHRISTOPHER PRIEST confirms the "A78" rumour: Jim Owsley, writer of
the DC comic "The Ray", has legally changed his name to `Christopher
Priest' because `I think it sounds ... "cool".' He is so credited on the
cover of the first issue (May 94). Our CP finds it `a bit bleeding
irritating to have my name pinched by another writer' and has suggested
to DC that Owsley think again: `If Jim must use a pseudonym, why doesn't
he pick a "really" silly one, like, say, "Harlan Ellison"?' [RH/CP]
CARL SAGAN has sued Apple for unspecified damages -- "not" for
briefly nicknaming a new computer `Sagan', but for renaming it (after
Sagan's legal threats) to BHA and letting it be rumoured that this stands
for `Butt-Head Astronomer' ... which Sagan claims has brought him
`hatred, contempt, ridicule and obloquy'. Is `butt-head' defamatory? Is
this pointless suit not the action of, well, of a BHA? Only the courts
can decide. [BY]
GEORGE TURNER, `despite having not recovered fully the use of his
right hand following last year's stroke, has started a new novel, one-
handed. Truly heroic! And a US publisher has bought reprint rights to his
earlier trilogy.' [LS]
KEITH WATSON, who drew "Dan Dare" for "Eagle" 1961-7, died of cancer
on 9 April aged 58. His first stripwork was "Captain Condor" ("Lion"
1960-1); he returned to "Dan Dare" in 1989-90 and his last published work
was for "Thunderbirds". A likeable man, he was highly respected in sf
illustration and comics. [RT]
### CONTRAVALLATION ###
18 May LITERATE FANTASY EVENING (`i.e. "no elves"'), Gt Northern
Hotel, Peterborough. With Robert ("The Arabian Nightmare") Irwin, Eric
Lane, Brian (`undead') Stableford. #3. Contact 58 Pennington, Orton
Goldhay, Peterborough, PE2 0RB. ["CW"]
20-22 May MEXICON 6 (`The Party'), Hertford Park Hotel,
Stevenage. #9.50 reg. #19.50 twin/dbl, #22.50 sngl. Contact 121 Cape
Hill, Smethwick, Warley, West Midlands, B66 4SH.
26-9 May EUROCON, Timisoara, Romania. #15 reg. Contact 17 Mimosa,
29 Avenue Rd, Tottenham, N15 5JF ... fast!
27-30 May INCONCEIVABLE (humour/sf), Tudor Court Hotel, Draycott,
near gigglesome Derby. Now a hilarious #25 reg. Contact 12 Crich Ave,
Littleover, Derby, DE23 6ES.
8-10 Jul BACON (Unicon 15), New Hall Coll, Cambridge.
GoH Geoff Ryman, Simon Ings. #16 reg. Contact 38 Scotland Road,
Chesterton, Cambridge, CB4 1QG; (0223) 564483.
29-31 Jul WINCON III, King Alfred's Coll, Winchester. GoH: Algis
Budrys, James Hogan and (new) Norman Spinrad. #23 reg, rooms #18/night.
Contact 12 Crowsbury Close, Emsworth, Hants, PO10 7TS. "John Richards:"
`Look, Langford, who do we have to FUCK to get another mention in
"Ansible"?' Now he knows.
5-6 Nov ARMADACON, Astor Hotel, Plymouth. GoH Mary Gentle etc.
#20 reg. Rooms #29/person/night. Contact 4 Gleneagle Ave, Mannamead,
Plymouth, PL3 5HL.
"Rumblings" Atlanta dropped their 1998 Worldcon bid (they lost
their hotel). "Martin Hoare" is recruiting for Boston in 1998 -- `Get the
only ribbon Tim Illingworth won't wear!' -- while Tim is UK agent for the
incompatible Boston in 2001. Current rumoured bids ... "1997" San
Antonio, St Louis (both confirmed); "1998" Boston (not MCFI), Baltimore,
Niagara Falls, multiple New York groups; "1999:" Australia, a possible
Las Vegas bid run from Chicago; "2000" Kansas City, Chicago; "2001"
Boston (MCFI), Philadelphia; "2002" Seattle, San Francisco. [KS]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
NEBULAS. Novel: "Red Mars", K.S.Robinson. Novella: `The Night We Buried
Road Dog', Jack Cady. Novelette: `Georgia On My Mind', Charles Sheffield.
Short: `Graves', Joe Haldeman.
C.O.A. ETC. "Molly Brown/Brandon Butterworth", 21 Higher Dr, Purley,
Surrey, CR8 2HQ. "Heidi Lyshol", The Garth, Bury Lane, Horsell, Woking,
GU21 4RR. "Pat McMurray", 28 Plaistow Grove, Bromley, Kent, BR1 3PB.
"Roman Orszanski/Sue Peukert", PO Box 178, Kensington Park, SA 5068,
Australia. "Ashley Pollard" (once Ashley Watkins) asks fans to note her
name change: `I've been out of the closet for a month!' "Pat Silver/Dave
Holladay", 111 Weston Rd, Long Ashton, Bristol, BS18 9AE.
FOR DIRTY MINDS. Little, Brown catalogue copy for Anne McCaffrey,
"The Ship Who Searched": `But Tia won't be satisfied to glide through
life like a ghost in a glorified wheelchair. She would rather strap on
a spaceship.' "Roz Kaveney": `Amanda Donohoe in "Lair of the White Worm",
eat your heart out!'
SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA FOREVER. After many missed release dates, the
Nimbus CD-ROM edition has been cancelled -- the whole project was bought
out by Grolier for a CD release using their far more suave software (Mac
or Windows). There will be a `non-commercial' Nimbus DOS edition of about
20 copies to placate the editors and those who made down payments for the
CD-ROM at Sou'Wester. A Grolier publication date is awaited.
PHILIP K.DICK AWARD ... the joint winners are "Growing Up
Weightless" by John M.Ford and "Elvissey" by Jack Womack. [Tor]
"SF EYE" CROSSED: Steve Brown wails that his "SF Eye #13" (`two tons
of paper') has been trapped on a Wisconsin loading dock by a US Teamster
strike since 9 April. [SB, 23 Apr]
RANDOM FANDOM. "Rob Hansen" will, alas, have more time than
anticipated to complete his 80s fan history; Sainsbury's have axed his
job. [] "Maureen Speller" gloats that the BSFA raised #1200 at Eastercon.
[] "Alexander Vasilkovsky" excoriates me for not mentioning the Russian/
Ukrainian vodka party as a major highlight of Sou'Wester (his fault for
plying me with Elixir of Amnesia).... [] "John Whitbourn", awed by the
"A81" mention of J.P.Martin's books, offers signed and grovellingly
dedicated copies of "Popes and Phantoms" to anyone who can locate
"Uncle", "Uncle & Claudius the Camel" or "Uncle & the Battle for
Badgertown", preferably in Cape hardback. Apparently P.Morwood and
D.Duane begged Cape to reissue them but were told the books were too
`classist'.
CENSORED! A sample of Lois McMaster Bujold's sensitive sf dialogue
was cut from April's "Guardian" sf reviews: `Bothari the monster,
Bothari, Vorrutyer's mad batman?' (from "Barrayar")
COVER-UP. Let's skip the latest H.Ellison "vs" C.Platt exchange ...
since "(a)" HE might get litigious if I quote his computer-net outburst
(he's issued risibly weak legal threats in hope of suppressing the US
publication of "Last Deadloss Visions" -- one sadly recalls his Champion
of Free Speech days); "(b)" while Ellison invective has often been a
dazzling performance which even detractors can't help but admire, the
present incoherence, paralogia and mud-slinging are not in the same
class. (He even resorts to `anyway I'm more famous than you' -- what
next, `my Dad is bigger than yours'?) Where are the marbles of
yesteryear?
### THE DESIRE & PURSUIT OF THE WHOLE ###
Yes, it's Hugo nominations time again (zzzzz) ... NOVEL "Moving Mars",
Greg Bear; "Glory Season", David Brin; "Virtual Light", William Gibson;
"Beggars in Spain", Nancy Kress; "Green Mars", Kim Stanley Robinson []
NOVELLA `The Night We Buried Road Dog', Jack Cady ("F&SF"); `Mefisto in
Onyx', Harlan Ellison ("Omni"); `An American Childhood', Pat Murphy
("IASFM"); `Into the Miranda Rift', G.David Nordley ("Analog"); `Down in
the Bottomlands', Harry Turtledove ("Analog"); `Wall, Stone, Craft',
Walter Jon Williams ("F&SF") [] NOVELETTE `The Shadow Knows', Terry
Bisson ("IASFM"); `The Franchise', John Kessel ("IASFM"); `Dancing on
Air', Nancy Kress ("IASFM"); `Georgia on My Mind', Charles Sheffield
("Analog"); `Deep Eddy', Bruce Sterling ("IASFM") [] SHORT `England
Underway', Terry Bisson ("Omni"); `The Good Pup', Bridget McKenna
("F&SF"); `Mwalimu in the Squared Circle', Mike Resnick ("IASFM"); `The
Story So Far', Martha Soukup ("Full Spectrum 4"); `Death on the Nile',
Connie Willis ("IASFM") [] NON-FICTION "Once Around the Bloch: An
Unauthorized Autobiography", Robert Bloch; "Encyclopaedia of SF", ed.
John Clute & Peter Nicholls; "PITFCS: Proceedings of the Institute for
Twenty-First Century Studies", ed. Theodore R.Cogswell; "Understanding
Comics: The Invisible Art", Scott McCloud; "The Art of Michael Whelan:
Scenes/Visions", Michael Whelan [] DRAMATIC "Addams Family Values"; `The
Gathering' ("Babylon 5"); "Groundhog Day"; "Jurassic Park"; "The
Nightmare Before Christmas" [] EDITOR Ellen Datlow; Gardner Dozois; Mike
Resnick; Kristine Kathryn Rusch; Stanley Schmidt [] ARTIST Thomas Canty;
David Cherry; Bob Eggleton; Don Maitz; Michael Whelan [] ORIGINAL ARTWORK
"F&SF" cover Oct/Nov, Thomas Canty; Space Fantasy Commemorative Stamp
Booklet, Stephen Hickman (US Postal Service); "IASFM" cover Nov, Keith
Parkinson (no other nominee appeared on the needed 5% of ballots) []
SEMI-PROZINE "Interzone"; "Locus"; "New York Review of SF"; "Pulphouse";
"SF Chronicle"; "Tomorrow SF" [] FANZINE "Ansible" (wow!); "File 770";
"Lan's Lantern"; "Mimosa"; "Stet" [] FAN WRITER Sharon Farber; Mike
Glyer; Andy Hooper; Dave Langford; Evelyn C.Leeper [] "Fan Artist" Brad
W.Foster; Teddy Harvia; Linda Michaels; Peggy Ranson; William Rotsler;
Stu Shiffman [] CAMPBELL AWARD "(not a Hugo)" Holly Lisle; Jack
Nimersheim; Carrie Richerson; Amy Thomson; Elizabeth Willey [DB/SG] []
649 ballots were cast. Some categories have over 5 nominees owing to
ties. `Dancing on Air' was moved from Novella, and `Death on the Nile'
and `England Underway' from Novelette, `to achieve a fairer balance' as
allowed by the WSFS Constitution. This is less controversial than it
sounds (boo, hiss): the nominations threshold of 5% of ballots cast or
32 nominations initially resulted in a Short Story shortlist of only
three items.
BRAM STOKER AWARDS. NOVEL nominations: "Anno Dracula", Kim Newman;
"Blackburn", Bradley Denton; "Drawing Blood", Poppy Z.Brite; "The
Summoning", Bentley Little; "The Throat", Peter Straub. ["IM"]
### OBITUARY (?): BRIAN STABLEFORD ###
"Francis Amery writes:" Scanning the new edition of "The Writers'
Directory" I noticed that Brian Stableford's entry had been transferred
to the Obituary section; on turning to it I discovered the terse note:
`Died in 1993'. This came as a shock, not because BS was a close friend
-- I knew him slightly, having done some translations for his Dedalus
anthologies -- but because I had seen nothing in "Locus" or "Interzone",
which might have been expected to record the demise of even such a minor
writer as he.
When I dropped in on his wife to offer my commiserations she
admitted that the event had been quite unexpected. `I'm so used to seeing
him slumped in front of the TV I didn't think anything of it,' she said.
`I thought he was just off his food. How was I to know he was dead?' When
I asked the cause of death she told me that the doctor had insisted on
writing `broken heart' on the death certificate in spite of her
protestations. `Bloody medical jargon,' she said. `Truth is, he just
couldn't be bothered to breathe any longer. He always was a miserable
sod. Anyway, I've got to get things straight -- I had no idea it would
take so long to burn all those dusty old books, but they kept the Aga
going all winter. Do you know anyone who wants to buy a cheap computer?'
I volunteered to buy the computer myself, as an act of charity. It
wasn't until I got it home that I discovered all the unpublished novels,
stories and articles on the hard disk. There was a certain terrible
pathos in that mute legacy; when I remembered how much Brian actually did
publish, one way or another (personally, I refuse to believe the rumours
about bribery) I began to realize what a sad and empty life he must have
led. I promptly decided that if nobody else was prepared to write a
eulogy for him, I'd do it myself -- but then I had second thoughts.
Would Brian really have wanted to be loudly and insincerely praised
when it was too late to do him any good? Would he really have wanted so-
called friends crawling out of the woodwork to proclaim that he had
always been underappreciated, and to declare that his abysmal failure as
a writer and as a human being had been at least a trifle unfortunate? I
decided, on due reflection, that he would not.
I decided, in fact, that what Brian would really have desired, more
than anything else, was to carry on regardless -- to demonstrate that for
a man as pig-headedly stubborn as he (he was, of course, a Yorkshireman),
even death could not interrupt the cataract of hackwork which flowed
ceaselessly from his calloused fingertips. Anyway, one or two of the
items on his hard disk looked saleable, if only they could be polished
by a writer with a better sense of style than poor Brian ever had.
For these reasons, I have determined to do the decent thing,
regardless of all inconvenience to myself. I shall change my name by deed
poll to Brian Stableford, and do my damnedest to publish everything on
that disk -- and then I shall write more of the same. After all, if a no-
hoper like him can master the delicate artistries of sarcasm and
cynicism, so can I. What better monument could any man ask for than that
one of his fellows should be prepared to lay down his own life in
exchange for his?
"Francis Amery is believed to be a pseudonym."
Ansible 82 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to `Francis Amery', Paul
Barnett, David Bratman, Critical Wave, John Foyster, Seth Goldberg, Rob
Hansen, Instant Message, Roz Kaveney, Joseph Nicholas, Chris Priest,
Yvonne Rousseau, Maureen Speller, Kevin Standlee, Lucy Sussex, Ron Tiner,
Usenet, Ben Yalow and our Hero Distributors: FATW, Janice Murray (USA),
SCIS, Alan Stewart (Australia), Martin Tudor.
The Hugo nominators were pretty wonderful too -- thanks again!
5 May 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. "Ansible" is
available for SAE or deep personal grovelling.
[NET NOTE. The `real' ANSIBLE is printed and looks nicer (I hope), but
this version contains all the words apart from the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. DRL]
MEXICON 6: THE PARTY. This lightweight event (held in the posh
international resort of Stevenage) celebrated the tenth anniversary of
1984's `Tynecon II: the Mexicon' to such enjoyable effect that the happy
throng voted "nem con" never to do this terrible thing again. To prevent
any recurrence, the accumulated convention funds -- some #1,400 -- were
turned over to a Mexicon Foundation created on the spot by spontaneous
popular acclaim ... although tiny twinges of cynicism greeted the
appearance of previously printed flyers announcing this body's existence
and accurately predicting its committee membership (Rhodri James,
Christina Lake, Greg Pickersgill [Chair], Martin Tudor, Pam Wells; 3
Bethany Row, Narberth Rd, Haverfordwest, SA61 2XG). Rather than stifle
democracy by putting the question to the much larger Mexicon 5 mailing
list, matters were decided by a show of hands after a two-hour debate
steered by that man Pickersgill -- and Mexicon was no more. The Mexicon
Foundation will, er, help fund unspecified worthy projects, and wants
your money. Some 5,271,009 fans have already complained about the name's
possible confusion with the SF Foundation, though `SF' and `Mexicon' are
not pronounced "all" that similarly.... [] An item on censorship saw
fearless Roz Kaveney being brutally and repeatedly censored by John
Harvey's sound system: `The thing about snuff movies is that
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!' [] The `Choice Sleaze' panel featured Iain Sinclair
revealing certain New Agers' theory that the unspeakable Derek Beackon's
victory (since reversed) in that Isle of Dogs by-election was because his
house is built on the intersection of the two most powerful ley lines in
London. (Ken Brown explains: `Canary Wharf apparently blocks the flow of
force and causes disturbances in the Nature of Things leading to the
fascist victory. Do you realize Eastercon 1995 is to be be held just by
the most powerful ley line in London?') Abigail Frost accused Sinclair
of having got it all from her favourite pressure group the London
Psychogeographical Society, but he denied all knowledge. "Frost:" `I
accept Mr Sinclair's denial of all knowledge.' [] Fleeing hordes of
audience members refused to speak of the panel on e-mail and fanzines.
`It was @hell in there,' seemed to be the consensus. `Wibble!' explained
Charles Stross, and fell over. [] Other memories? The Ultra Quiz round
in which half the con struggled to construct Eiffel Towers from straws
and paperclips (John Harvey, unrolling the tape measure of judgement:
`Size "is" important.'). The surprise appearance of Charles Platt and his
lady Susan Kim. A totally inaudible video of John Jarrold raving from the
safety of the USA that sf was dead, or all crap, or edited by John
Jarrold, or something equally terrible. Lightbulbs glowing over heads as
the price of canned Guinness at the hotel bar was compared with that of
identical cans at the late-opening Tesco mere yards away....
### THE ARGONAUTS OF THE AIR ###
JOHN BRUNNER cried `They seem to value the arts more in Romania than in
the west' after receiving the supreme accolade: being waved through
customs on route to EuROcon, merely because officials discovered he was
a writer. [JC]
EMMA BULL's musical group `The Flash Girls' was reviewed in "Folk
Roots" magazine, which calls her a `Somewhat renowned former sci-fi
authoress and art rocker....' Former? [JN]
HARLAN ELLISON phoned about various "Ansible" pieces, saying in
particular that his huge wrath at the inclusion of that "Last Dangerous
Visions" story in NESFA's Cordwainer Smith collection had a lot to do
with HE himself having partly rewritten Smith's imperfect draft for
"TLDV" ... only to learn for the first time of the story's pre-emption
(courtesy of the Scott Meredith agency) when he saw the NESFA volume. He
protested that coverage here made him look like, if I heard correctly,
`a goofus'. "Mea culpa", no doubt; as Mike Glyer keeps complaining,
"Ansible" has this fatal tendency to portray practically everyone as a
goofus....
RAYMOND Z.GALLUN, the old-time sf author whose first sale was `The
Space Dwellers' in 1929, died on 2 Apr aged 83. ["SFC"]
ALASDAIR GRAY's photo appears in Colin Manlove's "Scottish Fantasy
Literature: A Critical Survey", with an analytical caption worthy of
Lombroso: `This is a coolly interrogative Gray, whose narrow lips and
strong nose, together with the sheer hairiness of aspect, sufficiently
suggest the academic manque who has outdone all academics. This is the
Gray who refuses to be pinned down....' [DP] But is it the one who writes
books?
NICOLA GRIFFITH won the 1994 James Tiptree Jr award for `gender-
bending' sf with her 1993 novel "Ammonite". [JG]
TEDDY HARVIA wishes to claim precedence for a scientific discovery:
`I ridiculed Carl Sagan long before Apple implied he was a butthead. He
did to science what L.Ron Hubbard did to religion. Popularity does not
convert to substance.'
PAUL MCAULEY has an update (see "A82"): `Regarding the lunatic
wannabe from Canterbury.... Mighty forces have averted my sincere (as in
imitation is ...) friend's kamikaze legal action to wrest ownership of
my own story from me. I don't know quite what he was offering to
publishers, except a handwritten note concerning a short story collection
including "his" "Karl and the Ogre". Apparently, he has also written
something called "Pasquale's Machine", and claims that Paul McCartney
stole the lyrics and music of "Yesterday" from him.'
JAMES RANDI, scourge of psychic frauds, controversially insists that
despite the net rumour spread by one G.Riley (a crony of Uri Geller) he
is not dead. `Typically, [Riley] has picked up on an anonymous phone call
and accepted it because it's "news" he would like to be true. With all
the earth-shaking successes he and his "colleague" have had recently
(sold-out houses in Australia, stunning wins in the law courts,
straightening out Galileo and finding the lost Mars Observer for NASA,
to name only a few miracles) one would think that he could sit back on
his laurels. (Please, will someone explain the "laurels" reference to
him. He may think it's a part of his body.)'
STEVE SNEYD grumps: `Intrigued by the cognitive dissonance at work
in the bumf for the U of Liverpool MA in sf studies ... the need for a
good First or Second Class Hons in LITERATURE would, I'd think, eliminate
chances of most sf writers doing the course (but then perhaps they don't
want 'em anyhow, danger of lively writing sneaking into the thesis?).
Blights at a stroke my tawdry hopes of trying to do an MA in SF
poetry....'
VERNA SMITH TRESTRAIL, E.E.Smith's daughter and a noted First Fandom
member in her own right, died in March aged 73.
JANE YOLEN has been censored again: `A [school] librarian reading
from my picture book "Tam Lin" was accused of being a satanist, and a
parent tried to sue her, stating "After my daughter heard that story, she
needed therapy." At the school board level, the librarian won, but "then"
the school administrator took her aside and said, "Don't use that story
again. We simply don't have the time or money to fight this battle
again." Win the battle -- lose the war!'
### CONNEXIVUM ###
10-12 Jun SHOTS ON THE PAGE (mystery/detective event), Forte Crest
Hotel, Nottingham. #40 reg. Contact Broadway Media Centre, 14 Broad St,
Nottingham, NG1 3AL.
24-26 Jun The Scottish Convention Staff Weekend, Leofric Hotel,
Coventry. #30/person/night. Contact 13 St Cloud Rd, West Norwood, SE27
9PN; (081) 761 2635. `... the main topics of discussion this time will
be Timeline's and Theme's.' "Ansible" suggests a further seminar on
Apostrophe's.
8-10 Jul BACON (Unicon 15), New Hall Coll, Cambridge.
GoH Geoff Ryman, Simon Ings. #16 reg. Contact 38 Scotland Road,
Chesterton, Cambridge, CB4 1QG; (0223) 564483.
22-24 Jul DIMENSION JUMP ("Red Dwarf"), Angel Hotel, Northampton.
#30 reg. Send `two stamps' to Garden Cottage, Hall Farm, Scottow,
Norwich, NR10 5DF.
29-31 Jul WINCON III, King Alfred's Coll, Winchester. GoH: Algis
Budrys, James Hogan, Norman Spinrad. #23 reg. Contact 12 Crowsbury Close,
Emsworth, Hants, PO10 7TS.
1-5 Sep CONADIAN (52nd Worldcon), Winnipeg Convention Centre,
Manitoba, Canada. $125 reg ($Can160) to 15 Jul. UK contact: 147 Francis
Rd, London, E10 6NT.
30 Sep - 2 Oct FANTASYCON XIX, Midland Hotel, Brum. GoH Katherine
Kurtz, Brian Lumley. #30 reg. Contact 137 Priory Rd, Hall Green,
Birmingham, B28 0TG.
1-2 Oct OCTOCON 94, Royal Marine Hotel, Dun Laoghaire, Co.Dublin.
GoH Rob Holdstock. #16 reg to 1 Sep; #20 at door. Contact 20 Newgrove
Ave, Sandymount, Dublin 4, Ireland.
14-16 Oct D-CONTANIMET (anime), Grand Hotel, Brum. #20 reg to 17
Sept, then #25. Contact 13 Prescott Close, Banbury, Oxon, OX16 0RD.
(0295) 256284.
12 Mar 95 (Sunday!) PICOCON 12, Imperial College Union, Prince
Consort Rd, SW7. GoH Iain Banks. Contact 13 Lindfield Gdns, Hampstead,
London, NW3 6PX (after 1 July).
"Rumblings" CONADIAN's business meeting will consider a motion
to pension off winners of 5 consecutive Hugos in one category with a
Lifetime Award, followed by 5 years' ineligibility for that category.
Sounds quite sensible -- throw out boring old farts like.... (H'mm.
Counts surreptitiously on fingers.) INTERSECTION London pub meetings
continue on 3rd Fri each month in the Wellington. EUROCON in
Timisoara: Jonathan Cowie sent an enthusiastic report too voluminous to
print. Even the guest list ran to 17 awesome names, from J.Brunner and
J.Haldeman to J.Cowie. Everything was apparently a great success except
some of the organization and all of the coffee: `Norman Spinrad declared
he was going to introduce a Coffee Ceremony ("a la" Japanese Tea
Ceremony) into the culture.' Highlight: a laser rock show with fireworks
boggled the town. Despite euphoria JC felt he had to `express disgust at
Western fans who refused to attend owing to the difference in Eastern and
Western rates ... the latter represented a couple of hours of average UK
pay but half a month's Eastern pay!' UK fans who stayed home through mere
lack of money are informed that they `really missed out' on a `very
worthy, and rewarding, venture'. Gee ... thanks, Jon.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
KNOW YOUR MARKET. The 1995 Arthur C.Clarke Award -- for best sf novel
published in the UK this year -- has received its first submission! Yes,
Serif have rushed in Steve Aylett's "The Crime Studio", a exciting
collection of non-sf short stories....
ANDY PORTER'S LANGUAGE LESSONS. `"Omphalos" (Latin for Bellybutton)
is to be a new quarterly SF book and magazine review publication....'
["SF Chronicle", May 94]
PUBLIC SERVICE BITS. "Jack Cohen" was much cheered when invited to
become a vice-president of the ever so venerable Linnean Society. []
"David Garnett" announces that "New Worlds 4" (the last in its present
paperback incarnation -- boo, hiss) has stuff by Graham Charnock, Lisa
Tuttle, Ian McDonald, Garry Kilworth, Barrington J.Bayley, Elizabeth
Sourbut, Matthew Dickens, Peter F.Hamilton, Michael Moorcock, Robert
Holdstock and D.Langford. [] "Simon Green" asks if anyone can recall a
60s children's book called "After Bath", `about the quest to recharge the
magic in a magician's moustache?' [] "Chris Priest"'s new UK edition of
"The Last Deadloss Visions" costs #5.50 (not #7.50 as in "A81") post free
from him at 32 Elphinstone Rd, Hastings, TN34 2EQ. $10 by airmail. []
"Marcus Rowland" seeks weird but genuine scientific theories, 1890-1945,
for his new "Forgotten Futures" game package "George E.Challenger's
Mysterious World": suggestions, with dates, to 22 Westbourne Pk Villas,
London, W2 5EA. [] "Ian Stewart" hopes to tap the massed erudition of
"Ansible" readers for the locations of British (especially Scottish)
airship facilities during World War I -- info to him at Maths Inst, U of
Warwick, Coventry, CV4 7AL. [] Thog's Masterclass ... truly awful lines
from published sf and fantasy are still being accumulated here for a
possible Grant/Langford book(let) -- all contributions welcomed.
C.O.A. "Bruce Gillespie", 59 Keele St, Collingwood, Vic 3066,
Australia (not a move, just loss of faith in the PO box number). "Jack
Herman & Cath McDonnell", Unit 10, 57-59 Illawarra Rd, Allawah, 2218,
Australia. "Frank Key", 103 Cavendish Rd, Highams Pk, London, E4. "Malice
Aforethought Press", Flat 2, 10 Netherwood Rd, London, W14 0EJ. "Tom
Perry" (again!), PO Box 62134, Phoenix, AZ 85082, USA. "Erwin S. `Filthy
Pierre' Strauss", 101 S.Whiting #700, Alexandria, VA 22304, USA.
GUFF. The Get Up-&-over Fan Fund will waft an Aussie fan to The
Scottish Convention in Glasgow next year: ballots are now circulating
(available from me) and the choice of candidates is LynC, Ian Gunn &
Karen Pender-Gunn (these two jointly), and Kim Huett. Only Kim has sent
"Ansible" a vote-winning statement, about his enthusiasm for `being
introduced to Greg Pickersgill for the first time. Better yet watching
someone else being introduced to Greg Pickersgill for the first time,
from a safe distance. I have come to the conclusion that either you
exaggerate Greg's pronouncements beyond all belief or he is a Rasputin-
like figure with long greasy hair and filthy shapeless clothing. [...]
Are you telling everyone what a nice guy I am?'
SAMHAINBALLS: the spiteful West Country newspaper campaign against
John Gullidge and his horror review magazine "Samhain" (see "A80-81")
seems to have died down. Paul Barnett's plans for a legal fund are thus
suspended; his thanks to all who offered help. "A Prominent Member Of The
UK Horror Community Sends Encouragement:" `I'm afraid John Gullidge has
never considered himself one of the "horror community" (which is one of
the reasons I will not support him or his magazine, as I feel he has
brought a lot of these problems on himself).'
FAME AT LAST. How to deter computer spies in 2050: `She [...] typed:
"Whoever you are, be warned: I'm about to display the Langford Mind-
Erasing Fractal Basilisk, so" ...' (Greg Egan, "Permutation City")
SCIENCE CORNER. More literate than the Astral Leauge ... more
scientific than the London Psychogeographical Society ... Joseph Nicholas
offers a flyer from the "Association of Autonomous Astronauts" (`Write
to us about our plans for an independent space exploration program'),
which reveals that EVERYTHING WE KNOW IS WRONG. Spying on the Royal
Society's March meeting, the AoAA was swift to note the insidious
political agenda behind modern so-called mathematics: `The threat to the
notion of the static universe, set in motion in the 20th Century by the
discovery of the relativity of all knowledge, has caused the ruling class
to hit back with its bullshit theory of chaos. [...] Chaos Theory, with
all its talk of disorder in geometry and mathematical systems sensitive
to initial conditions, is nothing more than another instrument of control
in the hands of a ruling class attempting to strengthen their islands of
order surrounded by a sea of chaos, in the vain hope of preserving their
privileged existence.' Yes, yes, yes! But the people can hit back: `Much
was made of the "curse of dimensionality"; that is, when these boffins
attempt to map their mathematical models in higher dimensions than three
the predictions become far more problematical. We will be exploring the
possibilities for higher-dimensionality acts of subversion.' Just hurl
a well-aimed tesseract into the machinery of capitalist government,
and.... (Data: "The London Spy" from B.M.Jed, London, WC1N 3XX)
Ansible 83 (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Ken Brown, CIX, Jonathan
Cowie, Abigail Frost, Jeanne Gomoll, Alex McLintock, Joseph Nicholas,
David Pringle, SF Chronicle and Usenet. Special thanks to our hero
distributors Vikki Lee France & Steve Jeffrey (SCIS), Alex Heatley (NZ),
Janice Murray (USA), Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor (Brum Group News)
and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW), to whom I Owe It All (Whatever It Is).
2 June 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 84
JULY 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU. Fax 0734
669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. Ansible is
availablefor SAE or deep personal grovelling.
[NET NOTE. The `real' ANSIBLE is printed and looks nicer (I hope), but
this version contains all the words apart from the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. ANSIBLE is Copyright (c) Dave
Langford, 1994.]
SELLING POINT. "Ansible" has `NO Nudity, Profanity, Overt Sex or
Violence', a declaration which on David Garnett's advice I stole from
"Offworld: The All-New Illustrated Magazine of SF and Fantasy" (USA). As
Mr Garnett found himself thinking: `Hey! A magazine without nudity,
profanity, sex, violence. Must buy it!'
### DOWN IN THE BLACK GANG ###
ANON: `Are you going to the Orbit party for Iain Banks's "Stewpidde
Tyettul"?' (The book is really called "Feersum Fonettiks".)
JOHN CLUTE, fabled vocabulary master, `was recently casting his eye
over an article submitted for the next Friends of Foundation Newsletter
and was "quite definitely" heard to say: "What does this word mean?"
"Dumbfounded Editor": "I'll look it up in my dictionary...."' [AS]
ELLEN DATLOW is to be brutally censored, sort of: `You might want
to let people know (or not) that "Little Deaths", my sexual horror antho
scheduled for September by Millennium in hc, will be cut by about 70,000
words for the American version which will come out some time next year
from Dell/Abyss in pb. Space considerations. I've bought the Mike
Harrison story to reprint in "Omni" for November.'
PATRICIA FANTHORPE, wife and agent of the almost-as-famous Lionel,
announces his attempt on Guy N.Smith's alleged `world record for a 24-
hour marathon write-in' of 16,000 words (sounds oddly low ... besides
Lionel's own legendary stints, didn't Barry Malzberg write a 60,000 word
novel in 16 hours?). Date: 4/5 Aug. Sponsors are sought; proceeds go to
the Cardiff Samaritans. Contact PF at 48 Claude Rd, Cardiff, CF2 3QA.
[CM]
DAVID GARNETT `had a story in "SF Age" recently -- "Sherlock the
Barbarian". There was NO nudity, profanity, overt sex or violence. Well,
not much. But the word "shit" was changed to "dung".' (Context! We need
context! If, for example, the resulting phrase was `"Oh, "dung"," she
hissed sibilantly....')
WILLIAM GIBSON flogged his latest novel "Idoru" for $850,000 ... the
noise you hear is envious whimpering from SFFWA. ["SFC"]
JOHN GULLIDGE of the horror filmzine "Samhain" has been effectively
driven from home into rented accommodation by further newspaper hounding,
notably from the unspeakable "Exeter Express & Echo": `I'm now convinced
it's a personal thing with the "E&E" ... their story [25 Jun] carried the
headline HORROR MAG MAN "MUST GO" while the "Western Morning News" ran
the same story with the headline MAGAZINE EDITOR CAN STAY WITH PLAYGROUP!
[] The "E&E" rang for a quote earlier in the week and I read out a three
paragraph statement explaining a number of the errors that had appeared
in their previous stories but they chose not to use it. The power of the
press is a frightening thing and they have absolutely no regard for the
damage they cause.' [JG] [] How to do journalism: (a) raise concerned
doubts about innocent playgroup kids in the merciless hands of a horror
(ugh!) fan; (b) if any parent falls for that and withdraws their child,
this justifies a more alarmist story about the ground-swell against this
wicked horrorphile; (c) it's now useful to publish an editorial
ostensibly supporting your chosen target but full of inaccurate smears
(`... John Gullidge has enthusiasms that many find distasteful. But not
illegal. / Mr Gullidge's magazine caters for those who share his interest
in films like "Driller Killer" or "I Spit On Your Grave".' -- "E&E", 30
Mar 94); (d) return to (b) and repeat the cycle until the object of
your attentions leaves town; (e) look for someone else with a minority
hobby.... [] JG is now scraping up funds for a stroppy solicitor's
letter. Any stroppy yet generous solicitors out there?
PATRICK NIELSEN HAYDEN had a tiny problem with the US AvoNova pb of
Nancy Kress's "Beggars in Spain": `The ornate cover type reads like it
says "Beggars In Spam". Of course, I speak as an employee of the company
which, through the magic of Excessively Decorative Title Type, once
managed to publish Greg Bear's blockbuster novel "The Forge Of Goo".'
ANNE MCCAFFREY was accosted at the 2 July FP signing by a fan
wanting to know when any Pern novel would offer some throbbing romance
between "male" dragonriders. She: `I have a lot of younger readers and
I must be careful what I write.' [AM]
TERRY PRATCHETT reports, slightly bemused, from his tour Down Under:
`In one shop I had a can of Fosters, I think it was, and chucked the can
away. At the end of the signing I was shyly presented with the retrieved
can by a blushing fan and asked to sign it ... so now perhaps you can see
why my new address is "somewhere in Wiltshire".'
CHRIS PRIEST heard from Gary Groth of Fantagraphics Books: `Hot
news! They shipped copies of "The Book on the Edge of Forever" to a
convention in Chicago [1-3 July] where Ellison was guest of honour. When
the book was launched the convention organizer absolutely refused
permission to display, sell or even give away copies. Ellison threatened
to stick his finger into Kim Thompson's eye. (Kim is Gary's partner, and
because Gary was not at the con had to bear the brunt of this alone.) []
Meanwhile, in spite of Ellison's attempts to suppress the book, it is now
being distributed normally to bookstores and is selling quickly. [] At
the same con, Ellison reported that delays on "The Last Dangerous
Visions" were caused by Epstein Barr syndrome, but that after yet another
miracle recovery he is about to finish and deliver the book.' (HE, foe
of censors and champion of free speech, subsequently boasted that he'd
litigated the distributors into submission and killed "TBotEoF": but GG
insists that his two largest distributors are unintimidated.)
### CONJEE ###
8-10 Jul BACON (Unicon 15), New Hall Coll, Cambridge.
GoH Geoff Ryman, Simon Ings. #16 reg. Contact 38 Scotland Road,
Chesterton, Cambridge, CB4 1QG; (0223) 564483.
22-24 Jul DIMENSION JUMP ("Red Dwarf"), Angel Hotel, Northampton.
#30 reg. Send `two stamps' to Garden Cottage, Hall Farm, Scottow,
Norwich, NR10 5DF.
29-31 Jul WINCON III, King Alfred's Coll, Winchester. GoH: Algis
Budrys, James Hogan, Norman Spinrad (a surprise appearance of Clarke
award laureate Jeff Noon has also been scheduled). #23 reg. Contact 12
Crowsbury Close, Emsworth, Hants, PO10 7TS. No room bookings after 8
July.
19-21 Aug PORTMEIRICON 94 ("Prisoner"), Portmeirion, Gwynedd.
Contact PO Box 66, Ipswich with SAE.
27-30 Oct WORLD FANTASY CON, Clarion Hotel, New Orleans. Many
GoHs. $95 reg, rising on 1 Aug and again at the door. Contact Box 791302,
New Orleans LA 70179-1302, USA.
29 Oct TRANSYLVANIA ("Rocky Horror"), Novotel, Hammersmith,
London. #30 reg (plus 3xSAE) to Timewarp, 1 Elm Grove, Hildenborough,
Tonbridge, Kent, TN11 9HE.
4-5 Mar 95 MICROCON 15, Exeter U, announces its GoH: Ramsey
Campbell. Contact 17 Polsloe Rd, Exeter, EX1 2HL.
"Rumblings" [] WORLDCON FUN. Avoiding 1987's problem of overseas
fans getting hotel booking forms late if at all, The Scottish Convention
will release the forms with PR4 at Conadian. Until then, a steely silence
about hotel room rates is being maintained.... [] STEVE SNEYD, inspired
by the 1995 Small Press & Poets' Con plans to wander by coach between its
Huddersfield and Swansea venues with stopoffs for instant book fairs or
readings, babbles: `Here is the answer to the Glasgow [fan room] aircraft
hangar? A coachload of top sf glitterati wending its way slowly about the
vast space, stopping suddenly to descend on whoever is stood near, in
endless Brownian movement....' [] AUSTRALIA IN 1999 SPINOFF: if this bid
wins, the USA will run its usual alternative NASFiC. In smoke-filled
rooms at Westercon (1-4 Jul) the idea emerged: most Australia-US flights
stop over in Hawaii, so a NASFiC there on the weekend after Aussiecon
would be handy for US fans returning home. Bid flyers swiftly appeared,
and a name: VOLCONO. "Puzzled Fan:" `Is this Hawaii bid for real or a
joke?' "Bruce Pelz, Showing Why They Call Him The Oscar Wilde Of LA:"
`Yes!' [KS] [] SOU'WESTER generously donated #250 to GUFF (see below).
"A TAFF Administrator Wails:" `I worked my bum off on their newsletter
and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!'
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW -- `The current Ambassador Extraordinary &
Plenipotentiary of the Republic of Slovenia to the Court of St James is
a former skiffy fan (Matjaz Sinkovec).... Maybe the BSFA should invite
him to address them.' [IW]
C.O.A. "Alyson L.Abramowitz", 999 Perriera Drive, Santa Clara, CA
95051, USA. "Harry Bond", 50 Mayer St, Hanley, Stoke on Trent, ST1 2JN.
"Ken Lake", c/o 32 Coolgardie Ave, Chigwell, Essex, IG7 5AY. "Steven
McDonald", 405 US Route 2, Grand Isle, VT 05458, USA. "Michael Moorcock
(& Linda)", now said to be living in a suburb of Austin, Texas. "Jonathan
Palfrey", c/o Mini Parc Alpes Congres, 6 Rue Roland Garros, 38320 Eybens,
France. "Martin Smith", 4 Austin House, St Mark's Hill, Surbiton, Surrey,
KT6 4LH. "Ian Watson", Daisy Cottage, Banbury Rd, Moreton Pinkney, nr
Daventry, NN11 3QS (postcode change only).
TREK CORNER. Aficionados of stage magic have long chortled over the
60s "Star Trek" episode `A Piece of the Action' wherein William Shatner
tries the legendary Fizbin drop (a `secret' magician's move hard enough
that grown men have broken their wrists trying to do it) and flops
miserably. Reputedly this bit was cut from repeat broadcasts, though it's
still in some videos. Now an anonymous spy reports: `Watch the new "Star
Trek" movie "real" close. Shatner is going to try "the drop" again. I
read in a magicians-only magazine that he vowed to his friends that it
will be done with one take and included in the movie with no cuts. I
guess he's still sore over the fiasco in the original series....'
FAN FUNDS. TAFF nominations open 15 July, close 30 Sept (ballots out
Oct, voting closes 29 April 95). This race will bring an American fan to
The Scottish Convention. Impartial "Ansible" knows of three intending
candidates -- nice Joe Wesson, the probably quite worthy Andy Hooper and
the superlatively splendiferous god amongst men Dan Steffan. UK
administrator Abigail Frost (95 Wilmot St, London, E2 0BP) wants
candidates' nominations "in writing", and "signed", you hear? [] GUFF:
Joseph Nicholas is officially looking after the kitty for Euro-
administrator Eva Hauser, to avoid problems with soft Czech currency.
(This will continue until after the next Europe-to-Australia race,
`whenever that may be'.) Sterling voting fees and donations to him,
please, at 15 Jansons Rd, S.Tottenham, London, N15 4JU. [JN] "Kim Huett
writes:" `I hope you keep mentioning that I'm the only GUFF candidate
that drinks beer in quantities understandable to English fandom.' [] DUFF
was won by Alan Stewart (our hero Aussie distributor), who thus gets the
coveted free trip from Down Under to Conadian this year.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: GAELIC. "brochanach", well supplied with
porridge. "dobharchu", an imaginary otter. "rotach", a circle of filth
on one's clothes. "paitireachd", phrenology, thumping. "sgiomlaireachd",
mean habit of popping in upon people at mealtimes. "sgiunach", a charm
or enchantment to enable its possessor to get all the fish around a boat
or headland while his less fortunate neighbours stare with amazement.
"sgriobhadaireachd", writing. "spairis", the conduct or attitude of
having the hands in the flaps of the trousers. ("MacAlpine's Gaelic
Dictionary", 1833)
RIP. Jim Barker sadly reports the death of his mother, famed in
fandom for colossal High Teas and short-notice hospitality to visiting
Americans. (On a cheerier note, Jim gloats that a Barker cartoon
character has become the new logo for Falkirk Town Centre. `You'll
recognize it from the big feet....')
A83 UPDATES. "Ellison vs NESFA". NESFA members confirmed that the
Cordwainer Smith MS they published was legally acquired in its original,
unedited version -- but they did regret a failure of tact in not telling
Harlan Ellison, and flaunting the story's "Last Dangerous Visions"
antecedents in publicity. [] "Liverpool MA in SF". Andy Sawyer protests
that despite Steve Sneyd's gadfly claim, the course is open to people
with degrees not merely in Literature but in `related subjects' ...
though `it's obviously best at this stage not to go for people with
third-class chemistry degrees who read a lot of Warhammer books.'
TEN YEARS AGO: Gordon Dickson was the acclaimed winner of the Folio
Society's `Worst First Sentence' contest, for the opening of his skiffy
epic "Naked to the Stars". `The voice, speaking out of the ancient
blackness of the night on the third planet of Arcturus -- under an alien
tree, bent and crippled by the remorseless wind -- paused, and cleared
its throat: "Ahem", it said. "Gentlemen...."'
### WORLD OF WONDERS ###
"Maureen Speller" was at the Fortean thrash, UNCONVENTION94: `... a
curious affair. Almost but not quite like an sf con. Seriously intensive
on programme, in a sweltering hot hall, often standing room only, it was
a good effort for a first time but lacked certain things I've come to
expect from sf conventions. Few speakers took questions from the
audience, so there was little hope of discussing theories or challenging
their ideas. Little socializing, partly because it was definitely a
daytime event, partly because the halls were too big for meaningful
contact. People seemed to have arrived in groups, in which they stayed.
It would have been very lonely had I gone on my own. [] Still, it was
enjoyable. The American UFO abduction specialist turned out to be David
Jacobs, the mystery member of the group so far as I'm concerned. He was
a personable academic, spoke well and all that, but vacillated curiously
between presenting himself as an objective commentator and talking
enthusiastically about "well, we know more or less what they're doing at
this point in the abduction" and so on, with a degree of credulity I
found alarming. Jenny Randles's lecture contradicted him nicely on
several points. Unfortunately I missed the first 20 mins as (after 2 1/2
hours in a sweltering hall) I wanted a drink desperately. The programming
was rigorous -- blink and you missed something vital. [] Other highlights
included Doc Shiels, though maybe "highlight" is not the word. Imagine
an Irish version of Gamma. He was drunk on a panel on Saturday, and gave
a presentation on Sunday morning which was more or less incoherent, not
merely because he dropped the slide carousel before starting. There was
a sighting of Jeremy Beadle (yes, really, and no I didn't strangle him,
can't think why) and another of Robert Rankin.' [MS]
"Jenny Randles", famous ufologist, had a further close encounter
with our wonderful Press. "Paul Barnett" reports: `Some source within the
ufology world shopped to the "News of the World" the colossal secret (as
never before revealed, because we couldn't get a publisher interested in
her book on the experience) that she started life as a Christopher but
had a sex-change. The reptile concerned told her that either the story
would be run without her consent, or she could agree to be interviewed
and get a fistful of money plus full rights to vet the copy. Would I
negotiate the deal for her? Turns out that, with pressure, the "NotW"
will cough up #1500 for an inside-page story like this -- not bad for two
hours' work by Jenny letting herself be interviewed. Freephone 0800 010-
373 ext 4471 (that nice Mr Murdoch foots the phone bill) and ask for Alex
Marunchak if you'd like to try to get a similar sum for your horrific
secret, or just have a chat. [] When I stop giggling I'll probably get
very angry. Still, it was funny hearing those seedy wankers fall over
themselves to press money on this hard-hitting salesman who was telling
them punchy things like "Everybody already knows this, but if you insist
on running it anyway you can increase your offer by 50%."' "Later:"
`Those lovable guys at the "Screws" headlined the piece on Jenny I HAD
UFO -- OLED!, which is upsetting her more than somewhat since it implies
that she's somehow been mounting a pretence. Also, they altered the
agreed text so that it reads as if "she" came to "them" to sell her story
-- publicity-seeking, in other words.' [PB] (Is the entire British gutter
press conspiring to make "Ansible" seem relatively accurate and
respectable?)
Ansible 84 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Paul Barnett,
John Clute, Abigail Frost, David Garnett, John Gullidge, John Harvey,
Hazel, Alex McLintock, Caroline Mullan, Joseph Nicholas, Chris Priest,
SF Chronicle, Dick & Leah Smith, Steve Sneyd, Maureen Speller, Kevin
Standlee, Usenet, Ian Watson, and our Hero Distributors (including
ambitious Janice Murray, whose empire now covers not just the US but all
North America).
One of the conventions of ANSIBLE that does not translate to plain text
for the net is that "The Scottish" Convention is invariably printed in
heavy, black-letter "Gothic" type. Please imagine it this....
7 July 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 85
AUGUST 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, England.
Fax 0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
"Ansible" is available for "stamped" addressed envelopes.
[NET NOTE. The `real' ANSIBLE is printed and looks nicer (I hope), but
this version contains all the words apart from the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. All Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994]
WINCON III (29-31 Jul, Winchester) was Jolly Good, though ALGIS BUDRYS
couldn't be a guest: on 25 July he learned that despite his early
application for a US re-entry permit (as required by non-nationals), the
State Department found itself strangely unable to issue one until just
too late. Protests went to the US Embassy, which may also have been
punitively added to the Writers of the Future mailing list. [] GoH NORMAN
SPINRAD tactfully pictured sf as a black hole surrounded by this
accretion disc of terrible things like `Trekkies, Scientologists and
costume fans', all emitting life-destroying radiations as they orbit the
central core.... [] Years of SCI-FI FREAKS BEAM IN headlines induced
Wincon to introduce a special and wildly popular Press membership rate
of #30; real people paid #25. [] JACK COHEN's enthusiastic account of
animal sperm collection techniques was heard with riveted attention in
a McDonald's full of people drinking thick milk-shakes. [] THE HORROR!
THE HORROR! A film stream featured the `gory home movie' "Crysis" (made
on a colossal #250 budget for the 1993 Film Extremes festival; director
Steve Ellis was present for discussion) ... leading to alarums when one
Matthew Petty (`oh, how appropriate a surname' -- Steve Green) grew over-
excited at spectacles of sex and death, stalking out with cries of `Jesus
Christ!' and threatening to call the police about what he eventually
declared was a `simulated snuff movie' -- probably very nearly as wicked
as a real one. The con committee studied his later phone-directory
researches with alarm and listened at vast length to his complaints, but
declined to promise in writing never to show such material ever again.
Inspector Knacker failed to materialize; Mr Petty's departure was
discreetly cheered and his name, we suspect, entered on a little Wincon
list.... [via SG] [] JACK BARRON of "Bug Jack Barron" fame was revealed
in a new critical analysis (Terry Hunt, Wincon "PR4") to be black --
slightly boggling both his creator and the lovely Lee Wood, who has to
get a mention somewhere. [] MARTIN HOARE predictably held the booziest
party (in aid of the 1998 Boston worldcon bid, which duly sold many
memberships); he'd taken a van to Ostend just beforehand to stock up with
uncountable quantities of duty-free beer and fizzy plonk. I recommend
this bidding strategy, which helped me enjoy synchronized falling-over
with the remaining GoH JAMES P.HOGAN. [] Whither Wincon? Stay tuned....
### MINIONS OF THE MOON ###
DAMIEN BRODERICK bewailed his plight at an Aussie book launch: `I've been
known for years as the second-most famous Australian sf writer, after
George Turner; then he gets put out of action for a year with a stroke,
and Greg Egan comes along!'
JOHN BRUNNER quietly brags (see "A84"): `I don't know about Barry
Malzberg, but while writing "Black is the Colour" I produced 18,000 words
between getting up and going to bed. The 71,000-word novel took one week,
one day and one and a half hours start to finish -- and I took Wednesday
off for talks with my agent.' [] Unlucky JB recently lost three months
of creative time to the beta-blocker drug Inderal (taken in fear of a
possible stroke) -- but was able to finish a formerly beta-blocked
article within days of quitting. The article happened to be about how sf
drugs work as intended, while real-world ones don't....
JOHN CLUTE received the SF Research Association's 1994 Pilgrim Award
for Distinguished Contributions to the Study of SF, on 10 July: `Whooee,
I think. I'm really extraordinarily pleased.'
BRUCE GILLESPIE reproves me: `I still resent that the only 1993-4
sf awards of any sort that you did not run in "Ansible" were the Ditmars.
My inglorious moment stolen from me! (An inglorious moment, because even
I agree that Terry Frost should have won Best Fan Writer; but the
published figures show that I won convincingly, so there.)'
GRAHAM JOYCE's new "Critical Wave" column (issue #36 just going out,
says plug-hungry Steve Green) claims thrilling new British Fantasy Award
edicts: `1: No voting for anyone who won last year. 2: No voting for any
magazine which published any of your stories. 3: No voting for anything
the committee doesn't want to see win, particularly anything coming out
of the East Midlands.' All this `to avoid the kind of lack of controversy
which dogged last year's awards'.... ["CW"]
CHARLES PLATT will guest-edit (and design) an "Interzone": `the
April 1995 issue, which is significant for me in two ways: it will be
twenty-five years after I terminated my full-time editorial and
production work on New Worlds, and it's the month of my fiftieth
birthday.' Theme: `the human impact of science and technology in the next
twenty years. There are no taboos, and writers should feel free to pursue
their strangest ideas.' CP, 1133 Broadway (Room 1214), New York, NY
10010, USA.
PHILIP G.WILLIAMSON riposted crushingly to an insensitive reviewer
(oh all right, me) who asserted in "The Guardian" that his "Heart of
Shadows" was standard fantasy fare: `I may well don the outer garments
of generic fantasy but my underwear is full of surprises, and I feel you
simply didn't bother to look.' A noble phrase which surely deserves to
sell a few copies.
### CONIROSTER ###
19 Aug THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION open pub meeting: Wellington, Waterloo
Rd. All evening. Play `Guess the Hotel Prices'!
19-21 Aug PORTMEIRICON 94 ("Prisoner"), Portmeirion, Gwynedd.
Contact PO Box 66, Ipswich with SAE.
26-9 Aug ARCHON ("Trek"), Edwardian Int'l Hotel, Heathrow.
Contact 43 Eastern Ave, Polegate, E.Sussex, BN26 6HG.
1-5 Sep CONADIAN (52nd Worldcon), Winnipeg, Canada. Perhaps a bit
late to sign up on impulse now....
3 Sep SUMMER SF EVENT (co-hosts: BSFA and Friends of Foundation),
Florence Nightingale pub, Lambeth Palace Rd -- to be confirmed. 3pm-late.
Free. Contact 0303 252939.
3-4 Sep IRECON 4, Royal Hotel, Bray, Co.Wicklow. #18 reg. Contact
(010) 353 18327491.
28-30 Oct WHO'S SEVEN ("Dr Blake"), Queens Hotel, Church Road,
SE19. #35 reg, #30 if you book a hotel room. Contact 131 Norman Road,
Leytonstone, London, E11 4RJ.
5-6 Nov ARMADACON VI, Astor Hotel, Elliott St, The Hoe, Plymouth.
GoH Mary Gentle and others. #20 reg + 3 A5 SAEs. Contact 4 Gleneagle Ave,
Mannamead, Plymouth, PL1 2PS.
17-19 Mar 95 TREK DWARF 3, Holiday Inn, Leicester. #30 reg.
Contact 47 Marsham, Orton Goldhay, Peterborough.
26-9 May 95 MASQUE IV (costuming), Russell Hotel, Boxley Rd,
Maidstone, Kent. #25 reg `until Dec 94'. Don strange garb and contact 20
Westhall St, Brighton, BN1 3RR.
"Rumblings" [] EVOLUTION (Eastercon 1996), `regrets to announce that
negotiations with the Brighton Metropole have been unsuccessful. The
management are not interested in proceeding to a contractual agreement
with us. Their primary reason appears to be that they have unpleasant
corporate memories of Conspiracy, the 1987 Worldcon held there and in the
Brighton Centre. It is interesting how similar their memories of the
event are to general fannish memories. This is unfortunate.... The
Metropole is a very suitable site, but as the management don't wish to
work with us we must now find an alternative. We are considering various
options in the Brighton area, and also sites in other parts of the
country. If we do leave the Brighton area, we will offer membership
refunds to anyone who joined before this date and doesn't want to attend
an Eastercon held elsewhere. We hope to announce our new site in the
autumn.... Finally, we would like to make it clear that we have no
disagreement with the Brighton Metropole. The management have been very
open with us and we appreciate their telling us immediately they decide
they did not want our business.' [PMcM] "(Slightly cut -- DRL)" [] 1995's
Swansea-based UK YEAR OF LITERATURE thrash has retained Lionel Fanthorpe
as consultant for its sf/fantasy section in early Dec 95. Expect plugs
for his Best Badger Books Bits anthology, now scheduled as "Out of the
Badger Hole" (Portland, OR, 1995) with an intro by the great man himself.
[] SOU'WESTER -- "A TAFF Administrator Grovels!" This kindly convention
donated #250 to TAFF once they'd traced its shy, elusive UK
administrator. [AJF]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
WHO? A writer whom glossy flyers describe as of `extraordinary breadth
and variety', whose hot new bibliography `brings into new and sharply
studied focus his extraordinary place in the literature of our time' for
`students, teachers and scholars alike', while a volume-every-month
`Classic Fiction Series' of 100+ reprints (`a master ... these timeless
stories ...') is spewing forth, with introductions that breathlessly
reveal just `what he was doing at the time he wrote the story'.... Barely
controlling my spasms, I record that the author is L.Ron Hubbard. [DVB]
V.O.E. R.I.P? `Victims of Ellison' has been laid to rest, says
"Charles Platt": `Moved (somewhat) by Mr Ellison's claims that the VoE
support group took six months out of his working life and reduced his
wife to tears (supposedly, she sat on the end of his bed sobbing "Why
won't they leave us alone?") I decided to suspend operations and returned
the many cheques received from eager subscribers. I hadn't expected that
my little exercise in self defence would generate such traumatic
repercussions. I have accumulated a two-inch-thick file of testimonials,
allegations, and complaints by various victims, as well as a large
mailing list of interested parties, and it would take very little trouble
to resurrect VoE if this should ever seem necessary.'
C.O.A. "BSFA Matrix", 104 Debden, Gloucester Rd, Tottenham, London,
N17 6LN. "Alex McLintock", 14 Lynton Avenue, St Albans, Herts, AL1 5PD.
"Nigel E.Richardson", 35 Cricketers Way, Kirkstall Lane, Leeds, LS5 3RJ.
"Peter & Eileen Weston", `Four Winds', 2 Halloughton Rd, Sutton
Coldfield, W.Midlands, B74 2QG. [] "A84 corrections:" Ian Watson's
postcode is really NN11 3SQ (mea culpa here) and Bloody Martin Smith's
is KT6 4LU.
HYPERBOLLOCKS. The Fantasy & SF Book Club claims the "SF
Encyclopedia" (offered at #30) is `almost as big as the universe itself!'
... containing in fact `OVER ONE MILLION PAGES'. On a similar heroic
scale, "SF Chronicle" insists that one net fanzine listing calls me a
`500-times Hugo award-winning fan author....'
LOCUS AWARDS (God, the things we print to fill space and annoy
Gillespie) ... COLLECTION "Impossible Things", Connie Willis. ART BOOK
"The Art of Michael Whelan". SHORT `Close Encounters', Connie Willis
("Asimov's" 9/93). NOVELETTE `Death in Bangkok', Dan Simmons ("Playboy"
6/93). NOVELLA `Mefisto in Onyx', Harlan Ellison ("Omni" 10/93). 1ST
NOVEL "Cold Allies", Patricia Anthony. HORROR NOVEL "The Golden", Lucius
Shepard. FANTASY NOVEL "The Innkeeper's Song", Peter S.Beagle. SF NOVEL
"Green Mars", Kim Stanley Robinson. Special award: the "SF
Encyclopaedia".
PUBLISHING HORRORS. Bertlesmann AG, the German owners of Bantam
Doubleday Dell (USA), have seemingly raised a stink with a cost-cutting
policy leading to the breaking of written and verbal agreements. After
being much messed around, "Norman Spinrad" (for it is he) came up with
the kamikaze gambit of threatening to frighten off US distributors by
warning that they could be legally involved should he sue BDD for
publishing his new novel "Pictures at 11" in a way that violated the
agreement. BDD capitulated. [] After a July sale to "Asimov's" -- owned
by BDD -- "David Redd" complains that their story contract now comes
with a five-clause rider grabbing performance rights (`for which you
shall receive a sum to be negotiated and agreed upon by us'); electronic
rights; game, calendar, toy and T-shirt rights in all one's
characters.... [] Spies tell "Chris Priest" that in defiance of an
agreement allowing UK sales only on an individual, mail-order basis,
Fantagraphics (not owned by BDD) are supplying "The Book on the Edge of
Forever" in bulk to such UK outlets as Forbidden Planet. "Priest:" `Blind
eye time, I think.'
BRAM STOKER AWARDS included: NOVEL "The Throat", Peter Straub.
COLLECTION "Alone with the Horrors", Ramsey Campbell. NON-FICTION "Once
Around the Bloch", Robert Bloch. ["SFC"]
RANDOM FANDOM." ""Dave Hodson"'s dynamic, new-broom editorship of
the BSFA newsletter "Matrix" led to, er, no "Matrix" in the current
mailing.... [] "Steve Sneyd", skiffy poet, was burgled in July: losses
were minimal, but he grew interested when the investigating cop `said
very accusingly ""You were typing when I arrived."" Suddenly wondered if
this had been made an offence in the new Criminal Justice Bill, or if
it's just on the police list of activities that harbinger general
badhattedness.' [] "Tim Stannard" won recent media fame ("Birmingham
Evening Mail", "Daily Star", Central TV news), not for contributions to
Brummie and business meeting fandom but for owning 500,000 beermats. MY
LIVING HELL AS BEER MAT WIDOW, REVEALS WIFE DOREEN.... [CS]
FANFUNDERY. TAFF: Andy Hooper is said to have dropped out, leaving
DAN STEFFAN contending with Joe Wesson for the 1995 trip to THE SCOTTISH
CONVENTION. Nominations close 30 Sept. [] GUFF: Joseph Nicholas was first
to spot the early ballots' wrong address for Euro-administrator Eva
Hauser (who's in the Czech and "not" the Slovak republic). Guilty party
Roman Orszanski blames Aussie reference sources.... VITAL EURO PUBLIC
SERVICE BIT: don't send GUFF money to Eva, but to Joseph at 15 Jansons
Rd, South Tottenham, London, N15 4JU, UK ... and "please" don't reproduce
the early ballot which omits this now-official address for European
donations. [] The usual letter from GUFF candidate Kim Huett begins
`Langford you manipulating bag of protoplasm,' and has been hastily
mislaid.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: Pure English. From a bygone crusade to
`remove any whiff of olive oil and garlic from the language', some Pure
equivalents: "active" doingsome. "ambiguous" twysided. "bibulous"
soaksome. "botany" wortlore. "depilatory" hairbane. "forceps"
nipperlings. "genuflection" kneebowing (`A genuflection is any
kneebowing, but all kneebowing is not kneeling, which is kneegrounding').
"irrelevance" unbyholdingness. "meteor" welkinfire. "parenthesis" an
inwedging of a sentence within another. "plagiarist" thoughtpilferer.
"rhetoric" redespeech. "sentence" a one thoughtwording. "syntax"
speechtrimming. [LS]
"BEYOND" is to be a new UK sf/fantasy magazine (A4, 60+pp) appearing
bimonthly from March 1995. David Riley, 130 Union Rd, Oswaldtwistle,
Lancs, BB5 3DR. [] Another is the non-paying "Substance", whose
guidelines somehow suggest a preference for very short stories:
`Manuscripts should be double-spaced, on a single side of A4 paper.' Paul
Beardsley, 16 Blenheim Gdns, Denvilles, Havant, PO9 2PN.
Thog's Masterclass. A new evocation of nipples: `hard, sticking up
as if they were trying to listen' (`Riptide', Peter Benson). `For that
elusive "Spung" sound no doubt,' muses Dave Wood....
15 YEARS AGO. At the first Brighton worldcon in August 1979, the sf
world was totally unamazed by "Ansible 1" and its incautious claim that
`future issues will contain news'.
Ansible 85, Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Mike Allum, John
Bark, Paul Barnett, David V.Barrett, John Clute, Critical Wave, Cuddles,
Ellen Datlow, Stefan Dziemianowicz, Abigail Frost, Steve Green, Pat
McMurray, Necronomicon Press, Joseph Nicholas (Ace Researcher), Chris
Priest, Roger Robinson (Friend to Authors, Foe to Banks), SF Chronicle,
Cyril Simsa, Chris Suslowicz, Lucy Sussex, Dave Wood, Lee Wood and our
Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin
Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson.
4 Aug 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 86
SEPTEMBER 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, England.
Fax 0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
"Ansible" may be available, or not, depending.
[NET NOTE. This electronic ANSIBLE contains the same text as the more or
less simultaneous printed version, except for the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. Copyright (c) David Langford, 1994.
DRL]
NOT TO BE SNIFFED AT. Whenever "Ansible" wishes to run a story about good
taste in book dealing, we turn reverently to the catalogue of Barry
R.Levin in California -- whose Fall '94 edition was forwarded by scores
of readers. Imagine, if you will, `THE MOST HORRIFYING COPY OF ANY
VAMPIRE NOVEL' ... Poppy Z.Brite's "Drawing Blood", which, thanks to the
helpful chap who committed suicide by setting himself on fire with a
Molotov cocktail right next to a mailbox containing copies of the book's
limited edition, can now be offered in the rare state `Odor of burning
human flesh otherwise fine in slipcase'. Only $600.00! Though filled with
a strange inability to comment, one does wonder about marketing the Barry
R.Levin Horror Novel Price Enhancement Kit, comprising a jar of petrol
and a pork chop.
### THE NIGHT LIFE OF THE GODS ###
POPPY Z.BRITE muses, `It would be a wonderful experience to read the book
cover-to-cover with the odor of burned human flesh rising from it. I'm
a pretty fast reader, so the smell wouldn't have time to dissipate.'
[MMW/"Washington Post"]
JOHN CLUTE `just opened a book -- "Mutant Chronicles: The Apostle
of Insanity Trilogy: Frenzy" (1994) by John-Allen Price -- and found the
following dedication: "For my mother, Norabelle Ann Price (1922-1992) /
She lived long enough to see me get this sale, but would probably spin
in her grave if she knew I dedicated something like this to her. / What's
that sound I hear?" Which, somehow, takes about as many cakes for
awfulness as there are words in the dedication....'
PETER CUSHING's death at the age of 81 (b.1913, d.11 Aug 94) was
widely reported. Despite his Hammer Films fame, the obituaries noted that
only 13 of his 100+ movies were horror. I remember his Sherlock Holmes
with special fondness.
HARLAN ELLISON's latest reported GoH performance (4/94) sounds far
more genial than those last year, with some harrowing earthquake stories.
No taping was allowed, but pencils were smuggled in. His feelings on
computer nets: `Like asking a survivor of Dachau how you feel about
ovens!' On Mensa: `A vast group of defectives who don't get laid
regularly.' On, possibly, sexual harassment: `I can't get my dick up for
my own wife!' (Some context slippage is suspected there.) [TW/"Fosfax"]
LIONEL FANTHORPE, as expected, clobbered Guy N.Smith's March `world
record' for bashing out words in 24 hours. `I'm the new world Champion
with a total of 22,871 words against Guy's previous record of 16,000. I'd
have done a lot more if the computer hadn't crashed four times ... I
think that cost me at least three hours' production time during which I
should have done another 4-5,000.' Besides raising money from sponsorship
(#1,500 for the Samaritans) all this is aimed at the "Guinness Book of
Records" -- which apparently doesn't acknowledge older, mightier feats
of speed-writing performed by Messrs Hubbard, Malzberg and RLF himself,
owing to the lack of witnesses.
DAVID GARNETT, editor without portfolio, sends a "Times" bit
reporting that `Two writers have won #109 compensation from the Arts
Council for Wales after proving that a manuscript they submitted for a
grant had been largely unread before being rejected. Alan Wilson and Alan
Black told a small claims court that pages glued together had remained
unopened.' [13/8/94] Mr Garnett adds, `What a scandal! I know that every
sf editor is as conscientious as myself: reading every wonderful page,
relishing every fantastic paragraph, enjoying every amazing sentence,
luxuriating in the brilliant eloquence of each and every well-chosen word
... before regretfully declining yet another literary masterpiece because
it does not meet with our current restrictive, unimaginative -- add what
you want -- requirements.'
CHRIS PRIEST notes that his contract with Fantagraphics has been
retrospectively amended to allow legal distribution of their edition of
"The Book on the Edge of Forever" in the UK. (The former `illicit' UK
distribution through Titan resulted from that great publishing tradition,
a cock-up ... whose coverage in "A85" reportedly led to a great deal of
US computer-net gloating by unfriends of Fantagraphics Books boss Gary
Groth. Oops.)
KEITH ROBERTS is now resident at Farley Ward, Salisbury District
Hospital, Salisbury, and does not expect ever to return to his Salisbury
flat address -- though mail sent there will be dealt with. Both his legs
have now been amputated in the wake of the MS first diagnosed in 1990
(see "A78"), while accompanying visual problems make it increasingly hard
for him to read. Letters from well-wishers would probably be appreciated.
[IW]
JANE YOLEN, celebrated tool of Satan, continues to wallow in her
manifold villainies: `I received a phone call from a friend, a professor
of education who runs a children's literature conference every year. "Do
you remember what you were wearing at the conference when you spoke two
years ago?" "Jesus, I don't remember what I was wearing yesterday."
"Well, do you ever wear black?" "I have a black pants suit. Oh yes, and
a long black skirt and overblouse with white decorations of sun, moon,
stars, astrolabes, scientific formulae etc...." "That's it." "That's
what?" "We were urging our students to come to this year's conference.
One raised her hand and said she'd never attend another of our
conferences [because] two years ago one of the speakers had been a witch.
I told her we only had children's authors and illustrators speak. She
insisted one was a witch because she wore a witch outfit and occult
jewellery." "Flunk her," I said. "You don't want her teaching children
... oh, never mind. I will turn her into a newt."'
### CONYZA ###
1-5 Sep CONADIAN (52nd Worldcon), Winnipeg, Canada, begins as we go
to press. So no Hugo results until October....
3 Sep SUMMER SF EVENT (co-hosts: BSFA and Friends of Foundation),
JUBILEE PUB, York Rd, London -- "NB last-minute change of venue". `As
with all things organized by Maureen and/or me concerning the BSFA,
there's been a problem with the [former] pub....' [MP] GoH Stephen
Baxter, John Clute, David Pringle. 3pm to late. Free. Contact 0303
252939.
23-5 Sep PANOPTICON ("Dr Who"), Hotel Leofric, Coventry. Contact
PO Box 357, London, SW19 8BT.
30 Sep - 2 Oct FANTASYCON XIX, Midland Hotel, Brum. GoH Katherine
Kurtz, Brian Lumley. #30 reg (BFS #25). Contact 137 Priory Rd, Hall
Green, Birmingham, B28 0TG.
1-2 Oct OCTOCON 94, Royal Marine Hotel, Dun Laoghaire, Co.Dublin.
GoH Rob Holdstock. Now #20 reg at door. Contact 20 Newgrove Ave,
Sandymount, Dublin 4, Ireland.
7-9 Oct MIDCON ("Trek"), Holiday Inn, Leicester. Contact 9
Ennerdale Cl, Oadby, Leicester, LE2 4TH.
10 Oct BRIAN ALDISS self-promotes: `Thrilling news! The classical
SF BLUES revue will be performed at the CHELTENHAM LITERARY FESTIVAL.
7:30pm at the Playhouse. All old sketches & jokes -- starring KEN
CAMPBELL & ME!!!!'
15-16 Oct THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION Staff (`plus Interested
Others') Weekend, Victoria Hotel Periquito, Wolverhampton.
21-4 Oct ALBACON 94, Central Hotel, Glasgow. GoH Robert Asprin,
Fangorn, Douglas Hill. #30 reg to 15 Oct, #35 at door. 10 Atlas Rd,
Springburn, Glasgow, G21 4TE.
18 Mar 95 STAR WINDS (mini sf event), Queens Hotel, Southsea,
sponsored by Portsmouth Festival. Mid-day to `late'. GoH Harry Harrison,
Ian Watson, others TBA ... oops, STOP PRESS: `The curse of Wincon strikes
early. Harry Harrison has declined to appear on the same platform as Ian
Watson and has withdrawn from the event.' [MC] #7.50 reg, #10 at door.
Contact 38 Outram Rd, Southsea, Portsmouth, Hants, PO5 1QZ.
24-8 Aug 95 THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION (53rd Worldcon, Eurocon),
Glasgow. GoHs Samuel R.Delany, Gerry Anderson. #60 reg -- be quick, it
rises to #80 ($125) on 1 Oct. Contact Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR. "A
Chairman Writes:" `Bad news: hotel booking forms are unlikely to be out
for Conadian. Good news: the previous horrendous rates we were offered
are coming down significantly thanks to the efforts of Mark and Ian
Sorensen. Ian has requested more time to negotiate as he thinks he can
get more from them.... Briefly, hotel info will be later [than first
planned] but the prices will be better.' [ME]
"Rumblings" [] EVOLUTION (Eastercon 96): the rumour behind the loss
of this con's hotel is that the newish Brighton Metropole management
asked a former incumbent what Conspiracy '87 had been like. Fandom's
character reference -- leading directly to the refusal of a contract --
thus supposedly came from the bane of that Worldcon, revered in sf legend
as the most obnoxious hotel manager in Britain, Mr Fred `We don't like
the way you people dress' Hutchings. Cue another round of hotel manager
jokes, please.... [] "Chris Priest:" `I seem to have become a GoH at
CONFUSION in Belgium, 8-9 Apr 94. Leigh will be there with me (also the
kids). Address: Peter Motte, Abdijstraat 33, B-9500 Geraardsbergen,
Belgium.' "Panic-Stricken Ansible Editor:" `Ssh! Stop! I don't have room
to list Continental cons; there are too many.'
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
PUBLISHING FOLLIES. Yet another tale of a bright new graduate who (like
"Omni"'s latest assistant editor) came straight from university into
publishing. This was at Pavilion Books, who do occasional half-price
offers on their titles. The new recruit was assigned to write letters
notifying authors of the discounting, and thus: `Dear Mr Grahame, We
thought you would like to know that your title "The Wind in the
Willows"....' A similar missive went to a Mr C.Dickens.
C.O.A. "Tommy Ferguson", 42 Ava Drive, Belfast, BT7 3DW. "Jo
Fletcher", Howdale Farm, Fylingdales, Robin Hood's Bay, N.Yorks, YO22
4QL. "Barry R.Levin SF & Fantasy", 2265 Westwood Blvd #669, Los Angeles,
CA 90064, USA. "Kim Newman", Flat 5, 277 Upper St, London, N1 2TZ. "Keith
Roberts", see above.
RANDOM FANDOM. "Maddie Gaiman" is (as of 01:00 28 Aug) a new
collaboration from Mary & Neil Gaiman. [RK] [] "Les Pugh" has studied his
market: `I was wondering if "Ansible" would be interested in publishing
any of the SF/Fantasy stories that I have written, I have had work
published in "Drone Film and TV Model Club Newsletter" (issue 12)....'
[] "Maureen Speller" is wrestling with the mysteries of the BSFA
membership records, arcanely encrypted by computer maestro Keith Freeman:
`I personally find it deeply embarrassing that I can't even tell people
how many members we've got....' [] "Kerri Valkova & Ian Gunn" are
producing the 1995 Australian Fannish Diary at colossal expense -- but
to you $A16, or $A20 with carriage; PO Box 567, Blackburn, Vic 3130,
Australia.
WORLD FANTASY AWARDS. Nominations include ... NOVEL Peter S.Beagle,
"The Innkeeper's Song"; Poppy Z.Brite, "Drawing Blood"; Kathe Koja,
"Skin"; Lewis Shiner, "Glimpses"; Peter Straub, "The Throat"; Michael
Swanwick, "The Iron Dragon's Daughter"; Judith Tarr, "Lord of the Two
Lands". COLLECTION Ramsey Campbell, "Alone with the Horrors"; John
Crowley, "Antiquities"; Charles de Lint, "Dreams Underfoot"; Neil Gaiman,
"Angels and Visitations"; Garry Kilworth, "Hogfoot Right and Bird-Hands";
Terry Lamsley, "Under the Crust"; Darrell Schweitzer, "Transients and
Other Disquieting Stories". [] WFC Special Award nominees close to UK
hearts are John Clute (professional reviewing) and Brian Stableford
(`non-professional' small press reviews).
TV REVIEW. Square-eyed Paul McAuley writes: `Seen in the
"Grauniad"'s TV listings: A.A.Gill of the Sunday Times reviews a clutch
of special interest publications, including "Interzone".... In the event,
the programme consisted of Gill sneering at a bunch of hobbyist mags such
as "Practical Wargamer", "Angler's Mail" and "Model Magazine" --
featuring cyberpunk 1:6 scale resin figure Iria, "part human, part
machine but all woman staring at me with eyes that wouldn't take `no' for
an answer...." Eat your heart out, Bill Gibson.'
FAN FUND FUNNIES. TAFF shock announcement from Rob Hansen: `My TAFF
report is actually all written now and I'm currently tidying it up. And
only ten years after my trip!' His proud spouse Avedon Carol told
"Ansible": `I refuse to feel guilty about not having finished "my" TAFF
report, you guilt-tripping bar steward.' "Last warning:" 1995 trip
nominations close 30 Sept. [] GUFF co-candidate Ian `Mr Fanart' Gunn
retorts: `Are you telling everyone that Karen and I are damn fine GUFF
candidates, too, and you would've nominated us if Kim Huett hadn't got
to you first? Sure Kim's a beer drinker -- that just makes him more pricy
to buy a round for than us.' [] DUFF. Our NA agent Janice Murray has
taken it upon herself to provide "The Book on the Edge of Forever" by
mail for $10 post free anywhere in North America, with half the proceeds
going to DUFF. PO Box 75684, Seattle, WA 98125-0684, USA; phone 206 524-
1206; CompuServe 73227,2641.
"THE ZONE" is `the last word in sf magazines', it says here: now if
it were called "The Zymurgy".... A4, 40pp, #2, cheques to Tony Lee.
`Token payments' for longer stories/articles only. Contact 13 Hazely
Combe, Arreton, I.O.W., PO30 3AJ.
BARNETT'S LANGUAGE LESSONS. `Hazel might like to know that the Thai
for "fried rice" is "kow pat". Confusingly, though, "fried rice with
pork" is "kow pat mu".' [PB]
ARTHUR C.CLARKE AWARD. Submitted so far: GOLLANCZ Ian McDonald,
"Necroville". HARPERCOLLINS Pat Cadigan, "Fools"; Simon Ings, "City of the
Iron Fish"; Michael Marshall Smith, "Only Forward". HEADLINE Storm
Constantine, "Calenture"; Mike McQuay, "State of Siege"; Melanie Tem,
"Revenant". HODDER & STOUGHTON/NEL A.A.Attanasio, "Solis"; Ben Bova,
"Death Dream"; Harry Turtledove, "Worldwar: In the Balance". SERIF Steve
Aylett, "The Crime Studio". [] Also promised: GOLLANCZ Paul McAuley,
"Pasquale's Angel"; Gregory Benford, "Furious Gulf"; Gwyneth Jones,
"North Wind"; Phillip Mann, "A Land Fit For Heroes II: Stand Alone Stan";
Ian Watson, "Fallen Moon". HEADLINE Dean Koontz, "Dark Rivers of the
Heart". [] An uncanny silence prevails from Legend and Orbit. [] No
comments (your editor is a judge, subject to the cruel lash of
Administrator Barrett) ... but horror epics and collections seem unlikely
`best sf novel of 1994' winners.
THOG'S MASTERCLASS. Amazing originality from Point Fantasy: Peter
Beere's "Doomsword". `"... He is the greatest threat this world has ever
known. If he takes the Doom Sword he will be invincible; he will destroy
our lands and make the world his slave. Until eternity we will walk in
the pain Kalidor has planned for us. Darkness will serve him as he now
serves the dark, and his armies and fiends will rule for ever more. And
now this is possible, for you have returned the sword." / "I couldn't
help it," Adam said moodily. "It wasn't my idea, it just happened that
way."' "But there's one slim chance!" `"... If it was mine I would try
destroying it. I would plunge it in the Fire." / "What, in this camp
fire?" / "In the Eternal Fire," she said, "which burns within the hills
beyond the Bridge of Doom...."' [MC]
15 YEARS AGO. "Ansible 2/3" (Sept 79) judged the UK Worldcon by
British fan standards, and found it good: `19,000 pints were drunk at
Seacon by the time of the closing ceremony.'
Ansible 86 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Brian Aldiss,
Paul Barnett, Mike Cheater, Cuddles, Mike Cule, Martin Easterbrook, David
`Where's My Plug For STARGONAUTS, You Bastard?' Garnett, Rob Hansen, Roz
Kaveney, Mark Plummer, Chris Priest, Ian Watson, Taras Wolansky, Martin
Morse Wooster and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan
Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson.
1 Sept 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 87
OCTOBER 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, England.
Fax 0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Graphics: Hugo Gernsback. Not available in the UK for money: try SAEs.
[NET NOTE. This electronic ANSIBLE contains the same text as the more or
less simultaneous printed version, except for the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. DRL]
NINE! Nine! Thank you all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....
### CULTS OF UNREASON ###
DAVID V.BARRETT, one-time editor of the skiffy anthology "Digital
Dreams", has yet to issue an official denial of any connection with `the
first adult magazine for CD-ROM users' (complete with a CD of computer
porn), titled "Digital Dreams".
ROBERT BLOCH died on 23 September aged 77 ... not unexpectedly; his
terminal illness was announced weeks earlier at the Worldcon. I hardly
need say how universally liked he was, let alone mention "Psycho". His
1962 collection of fan pieces "The Eighth Stage of Fandom" (recently
reprinted) is still huge fun.
ARTHUR C.CLARKE was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, partly, it
seems, on the ground that geosynchronous satellites have helped get world
leaders talking to each other. `Hi Fidel, this is Bill.' Watch for him
(with Buzz Aldrin, Alexei Leonov, Patrick Moore, Helen Sharman et al) on
an upcoming BBC "This Is Your Life", struggling desperately to be
modest....
CECELIA HOLLAND is still irate about perceived links between her
"Until the Sun Falls" and William James's Orbit trilogy ending with
"Before the Sun Falls". `Orbit (the editor is Colin Murray) asked me to
submit a detailed list of my objections to James's publications;
compiling such a list would have been impossible as there were literally
hundreds of correspondences, and as I went along I discovered James had
pillaged not one but three of my novels. So I culled three instances, one
from each of James's volumes, one from each of mine, and sent them off
as an illustrative but hardly exhaustive list. That was in March. In
April Murray wrote to say that Mr James had the material and would surely
respond by the end of the month. In mid-May Murray wrote to say that,
alas, Mr James had had some kind of cardiac problem! And would not be
able to do the necessary hard work for a while. (I'll bet he has a
cardiac problem, as in: rabbit-hearted cowardice. As for the hard work,
it would take him about three hours.) I wrote and said I'd give James
until Oct 31, provided Orbit withdrew the books from distribution and,
as well, accepted their ultimate responsibility and agreed to bring the
dispute to a resolution in November. I have yet to get an answer to this
letter and so I am proceeding to file a suit against both James and
Orbit.' "DRL note:" the James books remain on sale. Colin Murray is a
nice guy in a very awkward position. I hope this doesn't come to court!
L.RON HUBBARD continues to rampage unchecked. The 1994 American
Booksellers' Association (ABA) thrash was preceded by a 10th anniversary
Writers of the Future celebration held at the Scientology `Celebrity
Center' in Hollywood. "Andrew Porter" was less than cheered by `the very
long awards ceremony, with rather more emphasis on Scientology than I
would have liked. The part that got to me was the organized "three cheers
for L.Ron Hubbard -- hip, hip, hooray!" at the end of the ceremonies,
which, I duly noted, many of the assembled SF notables did not
participate in.' ["SFC"] Later, multiple Hugo winner Andy confided to
"Ansible": `There was much discussion of the feeling that Scientology is
assuming a too-large linkage with the LRH contests, at ConAdian.'
CARL SAGAN may safely be called a BHA or Butt-Head Astronomer, ruled
Judge J.Baird of the US District Court for Central California as he threw
out Sagan's libel suit against Apple ("Ansible, passim"): `One does not
seriously attack the expertise of a scientist using the undefined phrase
"butt-head".' [BY]
CHARLES STROSS might or might not have read the recent Judge Dredd
spinoff novel featuring a minor character called Chuck Strozza who
wanders pathetically around the plot trying to show people his wads of
print-out (but later gains Stature).
JANE YOLEN continues to be publicized: `One of my books -- "Briar
Rose" -- has been burned by anti-gay activists on the steps of the Kansas
City Board of Education building. My first book burning. I am torn
between being proud and being disgusted.'
### CONSOUDE ###
7-9 Oct MIDCON ("Trek"), Holiday Inn, Leicester. Rush, rush.
10 Oct SF BLUES at the Cheltenham Literary Festival. Playhouse,
7:30pm. Brian Aldiss, Ken Campbell, old jokes....
14-16 Oct D-CONTANIMET (anime), Grand Hotel, Brum. #25 reg.
Contact 13 Prescott Close, Banbury, Oxon, OX16 0RD.
15-16 Oct The Scottish Convention Staff Weekend, Victoria Hotel
Periquito, Wolverhampton. Agenda: Programme/Fan Fair, space allocation
in SECC and hotels, haggis stalking. Contact 13 St Cloud Road, West
Norwood, London, SE27 9PN.
21-4 Oct ALBACON 94, Central Hotel, Glasgow. GoH Robert Asprin,
Fangorn, Douglas Hill. #30 reg to 15 Oct, #35 at door. 10 Atlas Rd,
Springburn, Glasgow, G21 4TE.
26 Oct BSFA MEETING rises from the grave! 4th Wed each month,
excepting Dec, at Jubilee pub, York Rd (upstairs room), near Waterloo.
7pm onward. Contact 081 656 0137.
27-31 Oct WORLD FANTASY CONVENTION, Clarion Hotel, 1500 Canal
Street, New Orleans, LA 70112. $120 at the door.
28-30 Oct WHO'S SEVEN ("Dr Blake" event), Queens Hotel, Church
Road, SE19. #35 reg.
31 Oct HALLOWE'EN HOUSE OF HORRORS, Turnmills Club, 63
Clerkenwell Rd, EC1. `Guided tours' every 15-20 min, #3 (#2.50
students/unwaged; no pre-teens). Lasers, smoke machines, chainsaws: `an
intense live-action horror experience,' puffs organizer John Gullidge.
(Whose sin of being a horror buff still exercises the unspeakable "Exeter
Express & Echo": their shock news item for September was that -- hold the
presses! -- there had been NO CHANGE in the situation whereby HORROR MAN
was employed by his local playgroup.) [JG]
4-6 Nov NOVACON 24, Royal Angus Hotel, Brum. GoH Graham Joyce.
No more advance bookings: #30 at door. Contact 14 Park St, Lye,
Stourbridge, W.Midlands, DY9 8SS.
5-6 Nov ARMADACON VI, Astor Hotel, Elliott St, The Hoe, Plymouth.
GoH Mary Gentle and others. #20 reg + 3 A5 SAEs. Contact 4 Gleneagle Ave,
Mannamead, Plymouth, PL1 2PS.
12 Nov FIRST CONTACT (one-day `multimedia' thingy), Hilton
Students' Union, Aberdeen. 9am onward. #4 reg (#5 at door). Contact 47
Gairn Terrace, Aberdeen, AB1 6AY.
3-5 Nov 95 NOVACON 25, Chamberlain Hotel, Brum. #23 at Novacon
24, #25 after. Contact: same as this year.
8-11 Dec 95 UK YEAR OF LITERATURE sf/fantasy section events,
Swansea. Write to mighty consultant Lionel Fanthorpe, 48 Claude Rd,
Cardiff, CF2 3QA, in 35,000 words or more.
"Rumblings" [] Scottish Convention mole "Lilian Edwards" rips the
lid off: `Latest horrific calamitous news that would reduce even Thog to
silence: Steve Glover has got a job IN EDINBURGH. At MY UNIVERSITY. Just
when I thought it was safe to quietly resign from the Worldcon (since no-
one ever tells me anything anyway).... Although apparently he has been
told to keep that nasty skiffy stuff out of his work. [] On room rates:
apparently one of the options the magnificent Meenan/Sorensen negotiating
duo are exploring is #5 off in return for no breakfast. This heralds the
end of the con report as we know it. What, no tales of Rob Hansen staring
blearily into the vista of corn flakes, no moans about the absence of
mushrooms? Beccon fandom will desert en masse. The best advice up here
is still: book your B&B "now".' [] LONESTARCON 2 in San Antonio, Texas
(1997), is to be the 55th Worldcon after beating the St Louis bid by a
roughly 2:1 voting margin. $65 reg, $25 supp. Contact PO Box 27277,
Austin, TX 78755-2277, USA.[] BALTIMORE IN '98: having lost the Baltimore
Convention Centre to a US National Guard Bureau meeting on Labour Day
weekend, this committee is bidding to hold the 1998 Worldcon there on 5-9
Aug instead.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
HUGO AWARDS. You read it here last! NOVEL "Green Mars", Kim Stanley
Robinson. NOVELLA `Down in the Bottomlands', Harry Turtledove. NOVELETTE
`Georgia on My Mind', Charles Sheffield. SHORT `Death on the Nile',
Connie Willis. NON-FICTION "The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction", ed.
John Clute and Peter Nicholls. DRAMATIC "Jurassic Park". PRO EDITOR
Kristine Kathryn Rusch. ARTIST Bob Eggleton. ORIGINAL ART Space Fantasy
Commemorative Stamp Booklet, Stephen Hickman. SEMI-PROZINE "SF
Chronicle". FANZINE "Mimosa". FAN WRITER Dave Langford. FAN ARTIST Brad
W. Foster. [] CAMPBELL AWARD -- not a Hugo -- Amy Thomson. (The utterly
different Campbell Memorial award went, unprecedentedly, to `No Award'.)
[] 491 valid ballots were cast. [] Amid popping champagne corks, "John
Clute" also cheered Stan Robinson's victory: `The nerve of it, winning
a Hugo for a book which the razor-sharp cutting-edge gurus on the Arthur
C.Clarke Awards panel didn't even shortlist. This is a direct consequence
of the taste, wit and judgement for which they have become so extremely
thoroughly known. (You can quote me.)' [] "Martin Hoare" on Conadian's
pre-Hugo reception: `It was terrible! A dry party! And John Mansfield the
con chair told me I couldn't leave to get a drink! I nearly died!' [] The
giant maple leaf Hugo trophy was as usual endless fun to transport. "Dick
Lynch:" `We had to call hotel maintenance for assistance in dismantling
it, and in the process ruined a perfectly good one dollar Canadian coin,
but that's another story....'
NEW HORIZONS IN GEOGRAPHY. From "Remembrance Day" by Brian Aldiss:
`She wore large bronze earrings made in an obscure country which rattled
when she laughed.' "J.Boston" asks, `Is it time for Aldiss to write
another travel book?'
C.O.A. "Amanda Baker", 9 Willow Close, Eynesbury, St Neots, Cambs,
PE19 2JD. "Henry Balen", 807 Washington Street, Apt 5N, Hoboken --
`birthplace of Frank Sinatra (yuk)', NJ 07030, USA. "Dave Clements",
European Southern Observatory, Karl-Schwarzschild-Str 2, D-87548
Garching-bei-Munchen, Germany. "John Foyster/Yvonne Rousseau", PO Box
3086, Rundle Mall, Adelaide, SA 5000, Australia. "Mary Gentle", 29 Sish
Lane, Stevenage, Herts, SG1 3LS. "Colin Hinz", 235 Major St, Toronto,
Ontario, M5S 2L5, Canada. "Loren MacGregor", 1043 Winchester #17,
Glendale, CA 91201, USA. "Mike Scott Rohan & Deborah", 61 High St, Little
Shelford, Cambridge, CB2 5ES.
RANDOM FANDOM. "Harry Bond"'s rumoured determination to become a
Harriet has fascinated British fandom's chattering classes. [] "Debbie
Notkin", famous sf lady, features hugely and nudely on the jacket of her
own "Women En Large: Images of Fat Nudes" (just out; photos by Laurie
Toby Edison) ... Jeanne Bowman, ever fair-minded, is trying `to drum up
interest for a Lardy Laddy version'. [] "Nigel E.Richardson" wants to
know how come all the other fan writer Hugo nominees had names ending in
`er': what does this mean? Drat you, Nigel, it means the secret is now
out and in 1995 I'll face much stiffer competition from Mike Glyford,
Sharon Farbford, Evelyn C.Leepford and Andy Hoopford. [] "Doreen Rogers"
`has severe back trouble. She needs to use a Zimmer frame about the house
and a wheelchair outside, but still plans to attend Novacon. She'd
welcome phone calls from fan friends.' [EL] [] "TAFF" candidates are
apparently Samanda b Jeude, DAN STEFFAN and Joe Wesson. Dan's Our Man.
SECRETS OF PROPHECY. "Pat Murphy", asked at a Readercon panel what
coming future developments sf writers have missed: `Well, we "missed"
them....' [] At the same event "Nancy Kress" movingly described the least
flattering invitation she'd ever received, to join the team for Robert
Silverberg's "Murasaki" anthology (also featuring Anderson, Bear,
Benford, Brin, Pohl): `We have to have a woman, or we're going to get
killed!' [TW]
GIVE ME LIBERTY. The Prometheus Award for libertarian sf judges
achievement by Troy weight: the novel of the year (L.Neil Smith's
"Pallas") wins half an ounce in gold, while owing to inflation a mighty
all-time Hall of Fame award (Yevgeny Zamyatin, for "We") rates only 0.1
oz. You can't take it with you.
GLOOM & DOOM. "Richard Evans", ace Gollancz sf editor, is still ill
in Central Middlesex Hospital. [] "Keith Roberts" (to update the grim
"A86" report) may yet be able to return home if the Sheffield hospital
rehabilitation team has its way.
MORE CLARKE AWARD. Argh! I should never have started this, but out
of fairness here are the rest of the submitted books -- so far.
HARPERCOLLINS Brian Aldiss, "Somewhere East of Life". HODDER/NEL Gene
Wolfe, "Lake of the Long Sun" and "Calde of the Long Sun". MILLENNIUM.
Kristine Kathryn Rusch, "Alien Influences"; Bruce Sterling, "Heavy
Weather". ORBIT (promised) David Garnett, "Stargarnetts"; Mary Gentle,
"Left to His Own Devices"; Rachel Pollack, "Temporary Agency". []
Erstwhile winner "Pat Cadigan" doesn't care any more: `I've "had" Arthur
C. Clarke, and he's almost good enough for me, too. You dog.'
W.A.R.H.E.A.F. "We Also Received Harlan Ellison Anecdotes From:" Don
Herron, Steve Sneyd. Time for a rest, chaps. It is to be hoped that HE
doesn't see the "Guardian" obituary by Maxim Jakubowski (29 Sept) stating
that Robert Bloch `will probably remain the only writer to have won
prestigious awards across the spectrum of the sf, mystery, horror and
fantasy fields'....
TEN YEARS AGO, at the launch of "The SF Sourcebook" edited by David
Wingrove: `"What market d'you think this book's aimed at?" someone asked
Brian Stableford [a contributor]. "Remainder," he said instantly.'
("Ansible 40", Oct 1984)
### MORBID INTROSPECTION ###
Since this `second series' of "Ansible" began to cloud men's minds in
1991, it has yet to miss a month despite hideous illnesses, rail strikes,
attacks of gloom, and the shattering tedium of typing con listings -- but
things have come close, especially when "Guardian" and other review
deadlines are too nearly coincidental. How long can this go on? I dunno.
(An aside. Doubtless no one else noticed the cock-up of my 6 Sept
"Guardian" sf reviews, whose usual subeditorial garbling -- they like to
insert, as many, `clarifying', commas as, possible -- transposed the
phrase `Good fun nevertheless' from the review of Eric Brown's
"Engineman" to that of Andrew Harman's "The Tome Tunnel", which
emphatically was not good fun nevertheless. Chris Priest effortlessly
topped me with a story of his similarly cramped column for the "Oxford
Mail", with 5 books to be covered in 50 words each. When he begged a
special dispensation to devote his entire space to praising D.G.Compton's
"The Continuous Katherine Mortenhoe", it was granted: after which
frowning subeditors cut his single 250-word review to the permitted
wordcount of 50....)
Back to "Ansible". The blasted thing seems to be regarded as a
public institution, probably closely resembling Arkham Asylum.
(`Soulless,' complains born-again fundamentalist reviewer Helena Bowles
in "Critical Wave". Who told her that 666 appears in my phone number?)
In my private capacity I begin to weary of: [] Convention committees who
expect a listing as a matter of right, in every single issue -- "FOR
IMMEDIATE RELEASE! Membership rates still exactly the same!" [] UK
denizens who reckon SAEs are `too much trouble', and wish me to save
trouble by buying envelopes, attaching stamps, printing address labels,
etc; henceforth I plan to use loose stamps myself and spend
`subscription' money on beer. [] Informants who send juicy "Ansible"
snippets and then sternly forbid their use, even unattributed or in
paraphrase. [] Kindly souls who swell my ego by informing me at length
that I don't deserve awards ... true, no doubt, but please harangue the
misguided voters and not me.
But yes, this run of Hugos is deeply weird. `If you ever get nine,'
said Avedon Carol in tones of menace, `you will have to "die".' So as of
3 September 1994 I'm a dead man. I keep wondering whether to wriggle off
the hook by withdrawing, despite Mike Glyer's flattering theory that a
`Best Fan Writer Except Langford' award would be no fun to win. Some
chauvinism may enter into it: hey, until "Interzone" breaks Andy Porter's
long, savage grip on the semi-prozine category, I should keep doing my
bit for Britain, right? "The Plain People Of Fandom:" Ha bloody ha!
Ansible 87 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to David V.Barrett,
John Grant, Steve Green, Ethel Lindsay, Joseph Nicholas (Grand Prize for
Voluminous Supply of Obscure Clippings), Andy Porter, SF Chronicle, Taras
Wolansky, Ben Yalow and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS,
Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson.
6 Oct 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 88
NOVEMBER 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, England.
Fax 0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Available for SAEs.
[NET NOTE. This electronic ANSIBLE contains the same text as the more or
less simultaneous printed version, except for the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. DRL]
TAFF TALK. The 1995 TAFF race is on, to choose which fabulous US fan will
adorn The Scottish Convention in this special delegate role ... and,
while not saying a word against the other splendid candidates (acclaimed
throughout Britain as `Joe "who"?' and `You're "sure" the "b" isn't a
typo?'), I encourage "Ansible" groupies to vote for that fine artist and
fun-lover Dan Steffan. Yes, there is an ulterior motive. Dan drew the
"Ansible" logo (above left) for a 1986 issue. It's since been recycled
in a significant 42 further "Ansible"s -- and if we bring the bugger over
here then maybe at last I can have him do a replacement.
### NIGHT OF THE JABBERWOCK ###
RICHARD EVANS, mighty Gollancz sf boss, is past his hospital crisis
(pneumonia plus liver failure) and now embarking on a lengthy, teetotal
convalescence. All sympathies....
L.RON HUBBARD continues to pile up posthumous glories, this time the
Ig Nobel Prize presented by "Annals of Improbable Research" magazine to
those whose achievements `cannot or should not be reproduced.' The
Literature trophy inevitably went to L.Ron `for his crackling Good Book,
"Dianetics", which is highly profitable to mankind or to a portion
thereof.' [PJM]
PAUL KINCAID, in-depth sf critic, is noted for awesome, penetrating
insights ... so I carefully wrote down his entire commentary on the 1994
Hugo award results: `FUCK ME! THAT FUCKING AWFUL CONNIE WILLIS STORY WON
THE FUCKING HUGO!'
JERRY POURNELLE's secret career in sports writing is revealed on the
blurb page of Poul Anderson's "Harvest of Stars", which names Pournelle
as co-author of "Football". I have yet to trace his collaborative venture
on off-track betting, "The Tote in God's Eye".
CHRIS PRIEST muses on incipient fame: `"Fugue", "Glamour" and
"Wessex" are already optioned for feature films. Today [26 Oct] "The
Quiet Woman" has joined the list. If three out of four projects fail,
don't you think I might at last be in with a chance? All four are low-
budget art-house movies, though. I do wish they would Think
Schwarzenegger when they read my books! They did once with Phil Dick....'
KARL EDWARD WAGNER died of liver failure on 15 October. He was only
48. Besides his own horror novels and stories, he is fondly remembered
for editing "The Year's Best Horror" annually since 1980. This series
often drew on the British small press: Karl was highly sympathetic to
`borderline' work, though he liked to pull the authors' legs by saying
the story was too tame and that `I added a final paragraph with zombies
and chainsaws, since this was an obvious oversight on your part.'
IAN WATSON, modest as ever, `reports on the launch of his "Warhammer
40,000: Harlequin" in the Birmingham National Indoor Arena on 23 Oct,
amidst a horde of 5,000 Warhammerers. Boxtree venturesomely trucked 300
copies of the #16 hardback Collector's Edition to Brum. Half an hour
before the signing session all 300 had already sold out. A stunned
Boxtree editor fended off public clamour for more. IW's suggestion to GW
that next time 500 copies could be on sale brought the plea: "Ian, the
kids only bring so much money along -- we want to sell the "games"."'
STOP PRESS: all Boxtree `Warhammer' and `Dark Future' titles by Craig,
Ferring, and Yeovil (Stableford, Garnett, Newman) sighted in London
remainder shop!
JANNY WURTS was disconcerted at the recent UK Fantasycon when,
giving a reading of her work which had been carefully advertised as a
reading of her work, she was interrupted by an audience member vigorously
denouncing all readings as unhelpful, uninformative and a total waste of
time. "Interzone"'s very own tact master Chris Gilmore had struck again!
### CONIDIUM ###
4-6 Nov NOVACON 24, Royal Angus Hotel, Brum. GoH Graham Joyce. #30 at
door if the hotel isn't chock full.
5-6 Nov ARMADACON VI, Astor Hotel, Elliott St, The Hoe, Plymouth.
GoH Mary Gentle and others. #20 reg.
11-13 Nov UNIFICATION (media), Grand Hotel, Brum. Contact Clifton
Ho, 27 Clifton Pla, Wakefield, WF1 3JH.
11-14 Nov CULT TV WEEKEND, Seacroft Holiday Village, Hemsby,
Norfolk. SAE to PO Box 1701, Peterborough, PE1 1EX.
12 Nov FIRST CONTACT (one-day `multimedia' thingy), Hilton
Students' Union, Aberdeen. 9am onward. #4 reg (#5 at door). Contact 47
Gairn Terrace, Aberdeen, AB1 6AY.
23 Nov BSFA LONDON MEET, Jubilee Tavern, York Rd, nr Waterloo.
Upstairs room, 7pm. Hear GoH Rob Holdstock's primal, mythic invocation
to ancient forestland: `Mine's a pint.'
25 Nov TOM HOLT reads/speaks at Sheen Lane Centre, London, SW14,
8pm. #4 reg. Contact 081 940 9125.
26 Nov SIGNING of Point `young adult' f&sf by Molly Brown "et
al", London, 1pm: in a frenzy of YA correctness this is in Forbidden
Planet itself and not, as normal, the nearby pub....
5-8 Apr 96 EVOLUTION (Eastercon): spurned by the Brighton
Metropole, this has moved to the Radisson Edwardian Hotel near Heathrow.
Room rates #30/person in doubles/twins, #28 in triple rooms, #50 `single
occupancy of double room' (implying no actual singles). Refunds offered
to anyone unable to contemplate the bleak horror of an Eastercon outside
Brighton ... but those blenching at the word `Heathrow' are assured this
is "not" the Skycon '78 hotel, and that it's survived its baptism of fire
at a 1994 Trek con. #20 reg, to 18 Apr 95. Contact 13 Lindfield Gdns,
Hampstead, London, NW3 6PX.
"Rumblings" [] BRIDGET WILKINSON found Conadian's core event
differently enjoyable: `I spent some time at the WSFS business meeting.
Ouch! What a bunch of rules fetishists! I thought the Trotskyites were
bad 'til I met that lot.... I now have a much better idea of where the
Worldcon brain rot comes from. They spent six hours disposing of business
ESFS would have dealt with in a bit over half an hour, and people
complain about the length of our meetings.... The meeting appears to have
become an end in itself, driving away those who want to get things done
rather than revel in the minutiae of the rules. Haven't they got anything
better to do?' [] PHOENICIANS: sf group meeting 2nd Thur monthly at
Phoenix pub, Lower Hythe St, Dartford, 8:30pm onward, wishes to make
friends and influence people (advt). [] CONFRANCISCO SHARE-OUT: the 1993
Worldcon found itself some $24,000 in profit and gave $4,000 (partly in
kind: hotel suite costs etc) to each of the next three Worldcons,
including The Scottish Convention. Further loot was disbursed as grants,
including $400 to Fans Across the World.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
WEIRD SCIENCE. You thought Kim Stanley Robinson's "Green Mars" was hard
sf? Not so, implies the write-up in "Fire and Water" (the HarperCollins
newsletter), explaining how to reach this particular Mars: `Cross the
astral belt....'
DISNEY'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: Swahili. One watcher of the movie "The
Lion King" found a smattering of Swahili useful to translate the names
("Simba"=lion, "Shenzi"=barbarian) -- but had to resort to a dictionary
for the warthog "Pumba": `excretion from under the foreskin'.
["Guardian", 31 Oct] `It's not in "my" Swahili dictionary,' says Hazel
suspiciously....
LIES, LIES. The `Liar's Panel on How To Get Published' was a popular
Worldcon event. "Gene Wolfe:" `What is the quickest way to get a response
from an editor?' "Dave Hartwell:" `Use different fonts in the text.' "Wil
McCarthy:" `Use upper and lower case in the middle of a word.' "Joe
Haldeman:" `I JUST USE ALL CAPS.' "DH:" `Perfume your MS so that it is
easy to distinguish from others in the stack. [...] Send your MS to the
company president. He can then assign it to an editor.' [All "F770:106"]
BRITISH FANTASY AWARDS. The August Derleth Award for best fantasy
novel was presented this year to Ramsey Campbell for "The Long Lost"; it
must be getting time to change the name to the Ramsey Again Award. Other
glittering whatsits went to Dennis Etchison's `The Dog Park' (short),
"Dark Voices 5" (collection), Les Edwards (artist), Poppy Z.Brite
(newcomer), etc.
C.O.A. "A.A.Adams", 45 Fife Park, St Andrews, KY16 9UE. "Dave
Hicks", 8 Dyfrig St, Pontcanna, Cardiff, CF1 9LR (a belated mention).
BSFA FUN. Feisty "Dave Hodson" demonstrated for the second time his
utter inability to produce the BSFA newsletter "Matrix", allowing BSFA
supremo "Maureen Speller" to fulfil a lifelong dream: `I've always wanted
to sack someone. I "really enjoyed" sacking Hodson....' Into the breach
steps "Chris Terran" (who has heard all the Earthling jokes already),
eager for "Matrix" news and views: send him something, anything, at 9
Beechwood Ct, Back Beechwood Grove, Burley, Leeds, LS4 2HS. 0532 782388.
RANDOM FANDOM. "Sandra Bond" is the name, not Harriet. [] "Chuck
Connor" bewails being thrown off computer net areas for using the smutty
taglines he puts on fanzine envelopes: `Her hopes fell when she found an
8" WANG was a disk drive', or `PROBLEM CLOSING LEVI.ZIP -- REPLACE FLOPPY
AND RETRY?'
WHO, ME? "R.I.Barycz", one-time "Ansible" media columnist, rises
mouldering from his celluloid grave: `I bought a copy of your "Irrational
Numbers" [Necronomicon Press, plug, plug] from New Worlds.... I also
watched an episode of the new Yankee TV series "The X-Files" around the
same time. This one involved a mutated human who hibernates for 30 years,
wakes up, rips the livers out of 5 men for nourishment and turns in for
another 30 years. What struck a chord was the plot device: the mutant can
elongate & flatten his body and so creep into locked rooms to perform his
amateur surgery. Not a million miles from your story "The Lions in the
Desert", no? Happy litigation.' Er um....
TOO GOOD TO CHECK. Seen the ads for `Venus Classics of Historical
Erotica' -- a Victorian/Edwardian porn book club? Or its sleazier modern
bedmate `Venus Editions Collection of Erotica'? Both come from New Era
Press. It would be almost too beautiful for the human mind to contemplate
if this were the same New Era that handles L.Ron Hubbard in the UK....
`When first published these books were FORBIDDEN!' -- it does sound like
the grubby ad copy for "Dianetics", you know.
PLUG REQUESTS. "Mab Ser", `Magazine of Welsh Speculative Writers
Foundation' but apparently in English, #1.90: contact 16 Queenwood Clo,
Cyncoed, Cardiff, CF3 7JH. [] "Maelstrom" `sf/fantasy/horror/mystery',
54pp A5, #1.50 from Sol Publications, 58 Malvern, Coleman St, Southend,
SS2 5AD. [] "Clive Barker: Mythmaker for the Millenium" by Suzanne
J.Barbieri, British Fantasy Soc, 64pp pb, #4.99 -- I admit giving up on
this hagiography after some early New Age dribble about Barker being
deeply relevant to the coming year 2000 and the `Age of Aquarius' (not
"that" again), when `dreams bleed into waking life, and thought is made
solid' and all existing mythology except Barker's reaches its sell-by
date. Was that the ugly noise of a Langford mind slamming shut?
STAYING AHEAD. From `The Sky Is Burning' by Harlan Ellison, (1958):
`... the Moon, which we had reached in 1963, or Mars that we had
circumnavigated in 1966 ...' ("Ellison Wonderland", 1962) Alternatively:
`... the Moon, which we had reached in 1969, or Mars, on which we had
landed in 1976....' ("The Essential Ellison," 1987). [] Mr Ellison is a
best-selling author and expert advisor on meeting single people, explains
the letterhead of the US `Great Expectations' dating agency.
IRISH FANDOM PLUNGED INTO WAR. "Joe McNally" boasts that he, Eugene
Doherty and Tommy Ferguson were naughty boys at this year's Octocon in
Ireland -- publishing a scurrilous newsletter that made mock of sacred
things like `Trekkies, Peter Morwood and Diane Duane' -- and that the
committee reacted with an unheralded closing-ceremony announcement that
the wicked trio were banned from all Octocons forever, with other cons
being passed their addresses and a recommendation that they be refused
admission. Can you spell `over-reaction'?
EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG! So you thought Doc Smith's Kim
Kinnison and the First Lensman were different characters in different
books? That the ship in Aldiss's "Non-Stop" was emphatically "not"
travelling to the stars? That Silverberg's "Nightfall" was an expansion
of, rather than a sequel to, the Asimov story? That it was the Hugo
presentation and not the opening ceremony of Conspiracy at which Budrys
made his famous L.Ron Hubbard speech? That the legendary fanzine "Hyphen"
was jointly edited and had a revival issue in 1987? That you knew how to
spell `despized' and `irized'? These and other common fallacies are
exploded in Edward James's definitive "Science Fiction in the 20th
Century", published by Oxford University Press....
THANKS to all who responded cheeringly to last issue's "Morbid
Introspection" column. The clear winner was "D.M.Sherwood": `I know what
Helen Whatsername meant by calling "Ansible" soulless but it's a "good"
soulless (rather in the way of early Larry Niven stories).' This may even
be a compliment.
TEN YEARS AGO at Novacon 14, GoH Rob Holdstock turned a greyer shade
of pale when (following his jocular request for bevies of naked dancing
girls) the closing ceremony presented him in public with a jiggling
`strippergram' ... leading to a storm of audience complaints about
innocent sf fans, some of them mere babes in arms, being exposed to the
alien terror of the female breast. ["Ansible 41", 1984]
### THE MILFORD REPORT [] JANE KILLICK ###
[Once upon a time "Ansible" traditionally ran a scarifying account of
each Milford UK writers' week. Now ... "Milford -- The New Generation"!
DRL]
Legend tells of an annual writers' workshop outcast from the wilds
of Hampshire by the evils of commerce (or a change in hotel management).
Long had it searched through grotty Margate guest houses for somewhere
akin to those legendary days. Now 1994 may go down in history as the year
Milford found a new home in Rothbury.
The pilgrims began their studies soon after arrival, reading the
works of those assembled in the morning, and discussing them in the
afternoon. Authors hid behind giant writing pads as their toils were
exhumed in the company of their fellow writers. But what joy as problems
were uncovered, solutions proposed and learning stimulated! How on Earth,
wondered the newcomers, had The Great Old Ones managed with a group
almost twice the size? We preferred the smaller circle which allowed us
to scrutinize two works by each author.
New blood outnumbered the experienced fellows by five to four, but
tradition managed to hang on by its fingernails. The evening's silly
games were enhanced greatly by a box of Trivial Pursuit found under a
bench near the bar. With it I was able to enhance my intellectual stature
by demonstrating intimate knowledge of "Noggin The Nog". Some tried
alternative entertainment in the local ale house, but after a couple of
visits the comfortable hotel surroundings seemed far more attractive.
By the end of the week, the group had actually grown -- there were
still the same number of people, but we had all eaten too much. The inn
itself was set in picturesque countryside minutes from the village shops
where we discovered somewhere to enjoy the ancient art of photocopying.
Over the week, the examination of every topic from TV plays to tales of
interstellar travel and stone shamans had brought people closer together.
On the final day there was a pilgrimage to a couple of nearby castles
before bidding fond farewells and pledging to return next year. "[Wot,
no carnage and blood-soaked manuscripts? Didn't used to be like this in
the old days, when even mild-mannered Richard Cowper would stalk the
hotel corridors muttering `Kill! Kill!' -- Ed.]"
Ansible 88 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Chris Amies, Paul
Barnett, Lionel Fanthorpe, Mike Glyer, File 770, Liz Holliday, Jane
Killick, Paul J.McAuley, D.A.Scocca, Maureen Speller, Marion van der
Voort, Gordon Van Gelder and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA),
SCIS, Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
3 Nov 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 89
DECEMBER 1994
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, England.
Fax 0734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk. Vote
Dan Steffan for TAFF! Available for SAEs.
[NET NOTE. This electronic ANSIBLE contains the same text as the more or
less simultaneous printed version, except for the occasional artwork
credit. It is possible to subscribe electronically to ANSIBLE by sending
e-mail with the single word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
... not, please, to me personally. DRL]
NOVACON 24 (Royal Angus Hotel, Birmingham) was probably just fine, only
my hearing aid expired halfway and left me prey to gloom. Leaving early
on Sunday night, I reckoned I could still enjoy one hour of the vaunted
`beer and sausage tasting' -- little realizing that the hotel kitchens
would procrastinate until well after that hour. Days later came horrific
reports of how fandom red in tooth and claw descended on the sausage
buffet in a welter of trough noises, leaving minimal rations for those
further down the queue.... Lots of people helpfully told me there was
plenty of beer and indeed that at midnight "Martin Tudor" pathetically
begged fans to drink more -- or, horrifically, it would be returned to
the brewery and "poured away". This has been a con report in Traditional
British Mode. [] "Simon R.Green" was stunned to find that mere "Graham
Joyce" was Novacon's guest of honour: `Huh, how does "he" get to be guest
when he's only published three novels? I've done fourteen.' [] "Jack
Cohen" and "Ian Stewart" cracked bottles of champagne and gloated over
vast US sales of their nonfiction "The Collapse of Chaos" (advt.), also
informing a relieved "Ansible" reporter that they hate the practice of
putting a capital letter after every colon but the US editors forced it
on them.... [] "Nova Awards" went to Greg Pickersgill's "Rastus Johnson's
Cakewalk" (best fanzine; runners-up "Moriarty's Revenge", "Attitude"),
Greg himself (fan writer; also-rans Langford and Mike Siddall) and D.West
(fan artist, trailed by Shep and Dave Mooring). Absentee West had Jackie
McRobert represent him at the ceremony, hoping for double-takes at the
hint of yet another fan sex change. [] "Tom Holt" secreted himself
somehow on the margins of the convention, but his book reading was
tracked down by a shambling figure (modesty forbids) who burst in and
loudly apologized for late arrival at the BSFA meeting which proved to
have been many hours earlier.... []
### THE MACABRE ONES ###
TERRY BISSON is reportedly to novelize the movie of William Gibson's
`Johnny Mnemonic'. [TB] They couldn't afford Gibson....
JO FLETCHER is standing in for still-convalescent Richard Evans at
Gollancz, in a whirlwind of slushpile clearance: `Richard isn't going to
recognize his office without all those familiar old manuscripts,'
muttered one agent on receiving a huge parcel of yellowed paper.
GEORGE HAY was the victim of a hit-and-run driver in November, and
suffered concussion and serious injuries including multiple fracture of
one leg (requiring an operation). He's now in good spirits, but likely
to spend at least another week in Cookson Ward, Conquest Hospital, The
Ridge, St Leonards, TN37 7RD. [CP] "Ansible" refuses to credit the
persistent rumour that George was treated at length for delirium until
medical staff realized he was telling them about the SF Foundation.
CECELIA HOLLAND's long-standing complaints of being plagiarized in
the William James SUNFALL trilogy (published by Orbit) have finally taken
effect. `Orbit has capitulated; they gave James until November 1 to
respond to the charges, which he has not done, so they are recalling
everything, ceasing distribution, and trying to call the matter closed.
I am in no mood to consider it closed; I want them to bleed a little, for
making me bleed, if only metaphorically.... I found Colin Murray "[Orbit
editor]" himself to be a pretty good guy: too bad he's caught in the
middle. But I feel Little, Brown has acted very badly in the whole
matter.' They certainly acted slowly: resemblances between the Holland
and James books were pointed out to Orbit/Little, Brown as early as July
1993.
CHARLES PLATT, forthcoming "Interzone" guest editor (April 95),
reassures us all: `I gather no one is happy with the new "IZ" design. I
haven't seen it yet. Rest assured, my design will be "far" more radical,
disconcerting, and unpleasant to read.'
J.I.M.STEWART died in November, aged 88. He was famed for his witty,
donnish and sometimes surreal `Michael Innes' detective thrillers, some
with sf McGuffins (biowarfare in "Hare Sitting Up", mind control in
"Operation Pax"): `serious' work under his own name also included a few
ghost and semi-sf stories.
JULES VERNE has a new book out: his second novel "Paris in the 20th
Century" was locked away after its 1863 rejection until 1989, and is now
a French bestseller. When the English edition appears in February, will
Verne's mindboggling predictions of 1960's motor cars, universal
electrification, canned applause and fax machines put him in line for his
first Hugo?
IAN WATSON bewails his popularity: `WARHAMMERED, OR THE PERILS OF
SUCCESS. Alarmed by the complete sell-out of all copies of IW's
"Warhammer 40,000: Harlequin" available at Games Day (see "A88"), Games
Workshop have forbidden this particular hardback to be on sale in any GW
shop in case customers buy it instead of a game. Stunned publishers
Boxtree are protesting vehemently. (Bizarre -- but true!)' New readers
should note that, yes, the book is an official, GW-authorized tie-in with
GW's own "Warhammer" game....
DEBORAH WILLIAMS ("nee" Beale) married Tad Williams on 29 Oct amid
the ecclesiastical splendours of Finsbury Registry Office. Charon Wood,
late of Millennium, was maid of honour. [SJ] In Spring the newlyweds are
off to live in the USA for a couple of years at least, partly so that Tad
can be reunited with his ancient pet dog for its final days. [PB]
### CONJOBBLE ###
3 Dec ACADEMIC FANTASTIC FICTION conf, U of Reading. With G.Jones,
A.Sawyer, B.Stableford "et al". #10 reg (#5 unsalaried) -- must register
10:15-10:45am. Ends by 5:30pm.
9 Dec BFS OPEN NIGHT, Falklands Arms, Bloomsbury Way, London,
WC1. 6:30pm onward. All welcome.
22 Dec LONDON XMAS MEETING, Wellington, Waterloo Rd, opp. Old Vic
exit from Waterloo Station. 5/6pm onward.
28 Dec SPECIAL GALA BSFA NON-MEETING ... please note the BSFA are
skipping December to nurse their hangovers.
25 Jan 95 BSFA LONDON MEET, Jubilee Tavern, York Rd, nr Waterloo.
Upstairs room, 7pm. With John Whitbourn.
2-5 Mar 95 WORLD HORROR CON, Sheraton Colony Square Hotel,
Atlanta, Georgia, USA. $75 reg. Contact PO Box 148, Clarkston, GA 30021-
0148, USA.
17-19 Mar 95 TREK DWARF 3 (thespically challenged and differently
tall), Holiday Inn, Leicester. Now #35 reg. Contact 47 Marsham, Orton
Goldhay, Peterborough, PE2 0RB.
14-17 Apr 95 CONFABULATION (Eastercon), Britannia International
Hotel, London Docklands. #20 reg "rising to #25 on 1 Jan". Horrendous,
extortionate and punitive rates are promised for anyone joining at the
door; numbers may also be limited. Contact 3 York St, Altrincham,
Cheshire, WA15 9QH.
"Rumblings" [] The Scottish Convention has enlisted `the lovely
Jackie McRobert' (her own considered phrase), who is compiling a vast
catalogue of local UK sf clubs/meetings -- times, places and contact
names, please, to her at 75 Balmalloch Rd, Kilsyth, Glasgow, G65 9NS.
Media fan club info is not required since she already has `a
comprehensive list', usually to starboard. [] OCTOCON, the `premier'
Irish sf convention, is bidding for Eurocon 1997. SAE to 30 Beverley
Downs, Knocklyon Rd, Dublin 16. [] CONSEAL (25-7 Nov, Holland) was
approved by "Dave Power": `A great con despite the worst breakfasts ever.
Horrible tea, disgusting coffee and NO MUSHROOMS.' This saw `the
announcement of a new bid for the 1998 Eastercon: Westercon 98 or
Westoncon 98, with Alison Weston "[daughter of the more famous Peter]"
as chair. Possible sites include the Weston family mansion and the
Central Hotel, Glasgow. Bid slogans: "West is Best!" and "I don't know
how to run a con, but I know a man who does." This started as a spoof
bid, but seems to be mutating into the real thing through popular
acclaim. Alison was frequently heard proclaiming, "I was drunk. I didn't
really mean it!" But supporters' badges soon appeared, with Alison
proudly wearing her bid chair badge. Rumours that she had to be held down
while this was pinned on are entirely true.' [DP]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
COPYWRONGS. Sf artist "David A.Hardy" was less than delighted when six
of his paintings were released for `trading cards' publication by
"Starlog" magazine, which neglected to ask permission or offer payment.
His US lawyers have been told to sue for copyright infringement. Norman
Jacobs of "Starlog" expressed annoyance that ungrateful artists should
object on such piffling grounds to his sincere promotion of sf art....
`15 artists are involved (not all of whom are suing), inc. John Berkey,
Robert McCall, Rick Sternbach, David Mattingly and Joe Bergeron,' writes
Dave `Green Blob' Hardy. `By all means mention it: Norman Jacobs told me,
"Publicity won't hurt ME!"' [DH/"CW"]
C.O.A. "Tom Abba", 34 Friezewood Rd, Ashton, Bristol, BS3 2AB.
"Chris Evans", 8 Paddock Close, Sydenham, London, SE26 4SS. "Mab Ser"
magazine (see "A88") hastily changed its title to "Beyond the Boundaries"
after English monoglots failed in droves to buy issue one, assuming
wrongly that the contents must be in Welsh. "Charles Platt", 1133
Broadway, Room 1214, New York, NY 10010, USA.
MORE FOOTBALL: not just a typo but a contagious meme! Following
Jerry Pournelle as noted last issue (but this time in a Pan flyer for
their anti-Green polemic "Fallen Angels"), Larry Niven too is credited
with co-writing the blockbusting "Football". Will this haunt the pair all
their lives, just as Brian Stableford is pursued by a chimerical
Stapleford? (The semantic attractor of Olaf Stapledon has a lot to answer
for.)
RANDOM FANDOM. "Eileen Gunn" is writing a biography of Avram
Davidson: `I'm anxious to get in touch with anyone he might have known
or corresponded with in England, Australia, Israel, etc.' 525 19th Ave
E, Seattle, WA 98112, USA. [] "Colin Harris" is now Literary Programme
boss for The Scottish Convention. `This is despite every person he
mentions this to remarking that he must be totally mad.' [ME] [] "Teddy
Harvia" moans, `Dick and Nicki Lynch pulled the "Langford Must Die"
article by Tom Sadler from publication in "Mimosa" after I'd drawn the
illos. Do you know anyone who needs cartoons of moribund fan writers?'
[] "Lloyd Penney", hailed by Hugo megastar Andy Porter as `the fan who
keeps saying nasty things about me', demands full, frank and bilingual
coverage of the Aurora awards for Canadian sf -- featuring L.Penney for
`Accomplissement fanique (Organisation)', plus some other categories....
[] "Ian Sorensen" is unmistakably Tuckerized in "Dreams of Dawn" by Marti
Steussy (Del Rey): `I understand Sorensens are unpopular here,' and,
later, `Anger washed over Skip as he realised that the enemy he had hated
all his life didn't bother to reciprocate. Arrogant Sorensens!' [MB] []
"Meredith Sorensen" (possibly no relation), in "Australian Book Review",
effortlessly outstrips fandom's `KTF' reviewers by first instructing that
the children's book under discussion be torn to shreds. `The males of the
party, having consumed enormous amounts of something smelly and bubbly,
must then piss on the remains. The females ... must then saute the sodden
shreds in a liberal amount of oil until golden brown.' Serves 4. [YR] []
"Harry Warner Jr" demolishes me utterly: `Everything that happens
yesterday, today or tomorrow has happened before in fandom, and I can't
accept the fact that these events may be news in the sense that they
involve different fans, different locales and insignificantly different
details from their previous incarnations.'
"A88" UPDATE. "Karl Edward Wagner"'s death from liver failure
reportedly resulted from Rocky Mountain Tick Fever: as Ian Watson points
out, Karl would have appreciated (nay, insisted on) this more exotic
epitaph.
WORLD FANTASY AWARDS. NOVEL Lewis Shiner, "Glimpses". NOVELLA Terry
Lamsley, `Under the Crust'. SHORT Fred Chappell, `The Lodger'. ANTHOLOGY
"Full Spectrum 4". COLLECTION Ramsey Campbell, "Alone With The Horrors".
ARTIST Alan Clarke & J.K. Potter (tie). SPECIAL AWARDS: PROFESSIONAL
Underwood-Miller, for publishing; NON-PROFESSIONAL Marc Michaud, for
Necronomicon Press (yay yay). LIFE ACHIEVEMENT Jack Williamson.
"NEW WORLDS 4" was launched by Gollancz last month in a blaze of
secrecy, with only editor "David Garnett" able to reveal that the party
invitations (mentioning a horror novel but not "New Worlds") in fact
contained this hidden agenda. Nevertheless the usual suspects enjoyed far
too much wine in, for some arcane reason, the Murder One bookshop's
romance section ... where "Garry Kilworth" seemed curiously at home.
AUTHOR IN `NICE PUBLISHER' SHOCK: "David Redd" is still stunned
following an experience with Heyne in Germany. He asked to buy a copy of
their Xmas sf anthology containing a Redd story; this was out of print,
but Heyne bought one in a second-hand shop and sent it free of charge.
Seasonal spirit....
ROBERT BLOCH MEMORIAL AWARD. Initial funds were raised at this
year's Bouchercon, the crime/mystery Worldcon: presumably any prize will
be for that genre. `We do not have a lot of it decided yet. Currently,
it "appears" that it will be a juried award given for paperback
original,' writes Andi Shechter.
CYBERBULLIES. Anyone seen the US "Penthouse" with the rant about
Internet's `dark side' promised in the Oct edition? `Writer Harlan
Ellison, one of America's most popular and prestigious authors, who found
himself electronically pilloried for no reason, summed up one view of
computer bulletin boards: "A breeding ground for bullies ... who would
not dare to practice their hooligan ways were it not for an environment
devoid of civility, courtesy, and the common properties which govern how
human beings should behave toward one another."' Coo!
FAN FUNDS. "Steve Sneyd" mutters: `The icky tweeness of the
candidates' campaign platforms in the TAFF ballot seems to provide even
more evidence that all these intra-First World funds have become utterly
naff and should be wound up, with the money used to transport 3rd world
fans to Worldcons or some such....' [] "Andy Hooper", hurt by UK
reactions to his fanzine "Apparatchik" (which discussed British views on
TAFF without involving irrelevant bystanders like Brits), describes
himself in issue 16 as `a very bad and unworthy person who hates everyone
in Britain and most of the rest of the world as well'.
FOUR'S A CROWD. `A prime candidate for the World's Most Unsuccessful
Signing Session must have been Janny Wurts and Rob Holdstock at
Manchester Dillon's ... precisely 4 (four) people turned up to hear an
interminable, soporific reading from Ms Wurts's latest fantasy
blockbuster. Holdstock? He didn't turn up at all -- at least, he hadn't
when your correspondent made his excuses and left.' [MD] "Anyone thinking
a turnout of 4 is a record low has never attended a Langford signing."
TEN YEARS AGO, "Malcolm Edwards" advised: `Take a look at Howard
Jacobson's new novel "Peeping Tom". There is a character called Dr
Rowland Fitzpiers, "large and dark and affable" with "heavy black brows
and a beard". He is an academic grown keen on sf, and is first seen
explaining how all the great 19th century novels are really sf. He also
has lots of girlfriends who are "all the wives or mistresses of SF
writers". I'm sure even those of us who met Jacobson when he was best man
at Peter Nicholls's wedding will realize that there are no "roman a clef"
elements in this characterization.' ("Ansible 41", Dec 1984)
Ansible 89 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994. Thanks to Paul Barnett,
Mary Branscombe, Tanya Brown, Critical Wave, Mike Don, Martin
Easterbrook, Bernie Evans, Colin Greenland, David A.Hardy, Steve Jeffrey,
Patrick Nielsen Hayden, Dave Power, Chris Priest, Jilly Reed, Yvonne
Rousseau, SF Chronicle, and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA),
SCIS, Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW). Merry
Christmas!
1 Dec 94
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 89-AND-A-HALF
XMAS 1994
Certainly not from DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1
5AU, England. ISSN 0265-9816. Inspiration and much of the Ode: ABIGAIL
FROST, to whom all lawsuits should go. Merry Christmas to all!
[NET NOTE. It is a forgotten fannish tradition that a special and
extremely silly edition of ANSIBLE appears for Christmas. Normal scandal
and smut will be resumed with ANSIBLE 90 in January. You must imagine
that, as always in the printed ANSIBLE, the words `The Scottish
Convention' appear in a heavy and antique black-letter typeface.... DRL]
### ODE TO THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION ###
### BY WILLIAM McGONAGALL ###
Oh beautiful Scottish Convention on the banks of the silv'ry Clyde!
Your great magnificence makes fandom go all weak inside:
Thousands joined for half a groat right after the successful bid,
Instead of helpfully waiting 'til now and paying eighty quid.
The Laird of Illingworth and his band of tartan hearties
Had bravely sacrificed their livers to an arduous international jet-
setting round of parties,
And nobbled the site selection by a canny bidding process
Of serving out single malt in homeopathic doses,
Since your average US con-fan reels inebriatedly
At a swig of the Demon Alcohol barely exceeding 5cc --
While the hardened voting residue of doubters and laggers
Were taken quietly outside and intimidated with a haggis.
But some terrified fans fled south of the nearest available border
At the sight of Martin Hoare dressed up as Harry Lauder:
'Tis true the sense of wonder most proverbially wilts,
With fear of finding what's worn under such unconvincing kilts,
Whose wearers oft had one bloodstained sock (although they didn't mean
to),
After ineptly thrusting there the traditional dirk or "skean-dhu".
Our TAFF administrator still declares, to anyone who meets her,
`'Twas about as authentically Scottish as a chicken tikka pizza.'
Oh 'twas more years earlier than is convenient to relate,
On a cold night when neither had a hot or even lukewarm date,
That Vince Docherty and The Illingworth of that Ilk did meet and grimly
decide,
To bid to hold a World Science Fiction Convention on the banks of the
silv'ry Clyde.
The sorrowing fans of Albion heard and went back to sleep,
All but for Ian Sorensen, who said it made him weep,
Also a few ragged and shell-shocked survivors of Conspiracy,
Who (to quote Lord Whitelaw) `rushed about stirring up apathy'.
Yet the virus ravaged con-fandom like a contagious infection
And the Secret Masters declared 'twas to be called Intersection,
But insubordinate fans soon formed a bastard scum intention
Never to refer to the thing except as The Scottish Convention.
Now, Docherty made a pact with The Illingworth of that Ilk,
That one should be Chair and the other be in charge of Filk,
But Docherty reneged, though he'd seemed an honest yeoman,
And pissed off to the endless sandy desert wastes of Oman:
There we leave him, and to our main tale will now dash back,
Having mercifully reached the end of this interpolated flashback.
So 'twas in the year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-five the Worldcon was to
go
To the Scottish Exhibition & Conference Centre outside bonny Glasgow,
With all-night sf celebrations to follow each joyful day
In a clutch of splendid hotels with unnegotiated prices not all that many
miles away.
And in an atmosphere of what the French call "bonheur",
The committee proudly announced their Guests of Honour;
The Americans were pleased to hear the name of Chip Delany, and of Vince
Clarke too,
But when it came to Gerry Anderson they all quoted Algis Budrys and said
"Who?"
For in the benighted colonies the creator of "Thunderbirds" --
That TV series whose characters' movements were zippier than Douglas
Hurd's --
Was unknown, since the US networks found his shows, though of the neatest,
Too British, obscure, downbeat, glum and generally elitist.
Misinterpreting the theatre's superstitions of doom and death,
Our committee somehow gleaned the idea that it was lucky to mention
"Macbeth",
Though Kathy Westhead thought it one of fandom's less tasteful gags,
To call her, Fiona Anderson and Jacky Gruter-Andrew `you secret, black and
midnight hags',
While each and every chairman bore the aspect of a Thane
Who espies gigantic forests advancing on Dunsinane.
Dubious outsiders also looked askance at Shakespeare's script,
Muttering, `Was this convention from its womb untimely ripp'd?'
And as synthetic Scottishness raged in all directions, many quoted a well-
known proverb, i.e.:
`Whom the gods would destroy they first drive to the SECC.'
The finance subcommittee was fruitlessly searching its pockets,
After finally reading the contract clause about rental of power sockets;
And thus spake the expert in these matters, Dermot Dobson:
`They should have bloody known 'twould be the choice of Hobson.'
When the fanroom staff scratched their heads over how to furnish
a hangar vast and drear,
Having approximately the volume of a Dyson sphere,
The committee response displayed characteristic flair:
A five-hour debate on the niftiest way to spell `Phanne Phayre'.
'Twas like one of the gorier scenes from "The Cook, The Thief, His Wife
and Her Lover",
When Lilian Edwards learned that fan programming was in the hands of Steve
and Jenny Glover,
Whose scheme to fill those huge echoing halls with balloon sculptures
proved debatable,
It having transpired that the contract forbade anything inflatable.
Oh SF conventions are all about not Time but function Space:
Boudoirs for Trekkie narcissists to drape themselves in lace;
Committee rooms up towers where mere fans cannae reach 'em
(Unless on stronger drugs than sold by Messrs Beecham);
Vast suites with shag-pile carpet and huge velvet-covered sofas,
And flunkeys serving pink champagne to semi-conscious gophers;
Platforms for London lefties and Yank right-wing libertarians,
Crash space for Bridget Wilkinson to hide six coachloads of Bulgarians;
Places for nuclear reactors, fretwork dragons, Regency teafests,
hucksters' stalls of hand-made Elvish pottery --
The only way to pay the rent was to win the National Lottery!
'Twas said the programme folk were set to boldly go and risk all,
Until the finance types mentioned the Procurator-Fiscal.
But despite wicked rumours of problems with the location,
Our bold Intersection leaders faced the future with staunch resignation:
None knows the dread committee scandal that gave unwilling birth,
To the decision to resign of prime mover Tim Illingworth,
And John Stewart of the original steering team was expunged from history
during the "entr'acte"
Between progress reports, having arranged the highly favourable SECC
contract.
But great was the joy when escaped co-chair Vince Docherty, that
intermittently stalwart fan,
Rejoined to do hands-on leadership from the safety of Oman.
And even pessimists decided the event might be worth at least a look,
When into the other co-chair seat stepped rescue expert Martin
Easterbrook,
Though Mr Easterbrook turned a strange shade of greenish-yeller
As he accepted the resignations of Literary Programme organizers Paul
Kincaid and Maureen Speller;
But even while prostrated with grieving this sore loss,
He still refused to consider appointing Charlie Stross.
The Speller/Kincaid duo, like other Brits both male and female
Had wearied of the refrain `We can't talk to you unless you use e-mail.'
Yet the committee's cyberspace mastery seemed distinctly at sixes and
sevens,
When one fan wanting e-mailed information was electronically told to post
a letter to Bernie Evans;
While the net edition of their "Nessie "newsletter remains something of a
"rara avis",
After a full year's failure to upload it on CIX as promised by Steve
Davies. [1]
And still echoes of the Scottish Play saw chairmen babbling and unmanned:
`Is this a modem which I see before me, the RS-232 connector toward my
hand?'
But registrations picked up a bit this last summer,
As fans pressed payment on trustworthy ghillie Mark Plummer,
For most considered him a rather better bet,
Than trying to shove used tenners down the Internet.
Other vile rumours were properly laid to rest,
Via James Steel's novel if short-lived idea of printed communication in
"The Digest",
Which proved the `John Richards leaves committee' gossip to be all wrong,
For wee John hadn't resigned at all but merely insisted he would before
the con.
Meanwhile it was time for the Board to mourn
The stepping down from former roles of KIM Campbell, Eddie Cochrane, Helen
McCarthy, Bernie Peek, Malcolm Reid and Kees van Toorn;
Next, when co-chair Martin heard the blast of a small Exocet, he
Knew it could only be the sonic boom of the departing Hugh Mascetti.
All in all 'twas, according to subordinates downtrodden,
The greatest reshuffle of personnel since the Massacre of Culloden.
`New brooms sweep cleaner,' said the Board without apology,
Recruiting fresh victims as ruthlessly as Scientology;
Elsewhere, the popularity of the same year's Eastercon reached its apogee,
When the staff were issued with cards that read GET OUT OF WORLDCON FREE.
By and by to eager members the Progress Reports winged their
leisurely way,
Mailed, as a service to Brits, from somewhere in the USA.
To illustrate the heights to which Dutch proofreading can go,
I sing the first PR's happy invention of St Mango,
While in the privacy of his beard, mild-mannered artist Dave Mooring
allowed himself a tiny frown
On finding one of his illustrations printed upside down.
However, the peculiarly inscrutable "SF95" logo design is surely without
flaw,
For who needs artistic skill when you have a copy of CorelDraw?
Using a world record number of fonts on a single A5 flyer, in tasteful
interplay,
Deservedly brought a major design award to Chris O'Shea,
But there followed a most tremendous and terrifying battle
About who if anyone dared show the result to typographical expert John
D.Berry of Seattle.
Then skilled Rhodri James stepped in to edit PR4 and soon was proud to
present
A Worldcon Progress Report that entirely omitted the date of the event.
Those viewing the tangled chain of command with a low heart,
Were pleased to learn the committee hopes by next autumn to complete its
organizational flowchart,
And translating from the management-speak brought joy and eliminated gloom
With the information that `Fixed Exhibits' was what you called the
dealers' room.
In software Intersection has a full house, kings and aces,
Being in possession of no fewer than three fine bonny registration
databases,
Thus ensuring that any possible computer disaster is averted
Between the British member database, the incompatible US one, and Larry
van der Putte's splendid Dutch system to which at the very last
minute the others will be converted.
But perhaps the happiest development in Scottish Worldcon news
Was a fresh flow of information and frank exchange of views,
As Greg Pickersgill wailed in tones shriller than a prima donna's,
`Is Intersection our fault or is it a natural disaster that has fallen on
us?'
While full of kindly advice the voice of Seacon '79 chairman Peter Weston
boomed:
`They've got the wrong location, wrong site: they are DOOMED!'
And all these helpful comments, with some substantially ruder,
Were jotted down for "Critical Wave" by diligent Martin Tudor. [2]
But though some sf newsletters' favourable coverage amounted to damn-all,
The balance was restored by impartial reports in "Small Mammal". [3]
Now 'tis the end of the year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-four, and The
Scottish Convention has survived ev'ry crisis
Except the trifling issue of publishing its hotel prices.
Many gallant fans had perished of old age or of worms,
Awaiting the arrival of their hotel booking forms,
And 'twas feared that when at last the renegotiated bargain room-rates
were verified,
Most of the survivors would opt to sleep on the banks of the silv'ry
Clyde.
But those who talk of exorbitant charges will be unable to scoff,
If ace negotiators Sorensen and Meenan clinch their canny deal of `no
breakfast and #5 off!'....
Meanwhile David V.Barrett loudly sings the committee's praise,
For his membership confirmation has just arrived after only two years, one
month and nine days.
To all convention staff who enjoy the beauty of this Ode, and
also to those who read it,
The Poet McGonagall wishes seasonal fun and the best of Scottish luck (not
hinting that they'll need it).
May Yuletide cheer also make the Laird of Easterbrook serene,
And end his recurrent nightmare about featuring in SHOCK HORROR editorials
by Steve Green.
In conclusion, here is Intersection's merry Christmas summing-up of the
story so far:
`For God's sake send all your money to us at Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR.'
=====================================================================
Feetnote:
[1] `A gross calumny!' cried Steve Davies, adding that "Nessie" had
been on CIX for many a month
(Allowing a gratuitous use, for rhyme, of the first PR's handy new
ordinals 3th, 2th and 1th).
Only net master John Dallman was able to detect the problematic
gremlin, bug or elf,
And reveal that Steve had inadvertently made the files detectable and
downloadable by no-one but himself.
[2] Steve Green's and Martin Tudor's "Critical Wave" is famed for
clear-eyed sf commentary, soberly put,
Such as ALIEN SCOTTISH CONVENTION FOUND ON MOON TURNS INTO ELVIS
AND EATS OWN FOOT.
[3] "Small Mammal", an infrequent fannish newsletter renowned from
London to Boston,
Is published by Martin Easterbrook and Margaret Austin.
=====================================================================
Not Ansible 89.5: Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1994. The editor is not
responsible. Even less responsible are Abigail Frost and Martin `Don't
quote me, but....' Hoare. ADVERT: send your Ukp80 full Intersection
membership to the indicated address before Easter, as rates rise
thereafter and what it will cost at the door doesn't bear thinking
about. STOP PRESS: Fred Clarke instructs fans not to miss `This Is
Your Life' on BBC1, 11 Jan, 7pm....
22/23 Dec 94
=====================================================================
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 90
JANUARY 1995
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Available for SAE or arcane whim.
[NET NOTE. This electronic ANSIBLE contains the same text as the more or
less simultaneous printed version, except for the occasional artwork
credit. See also GEEKS' CORNER below.... DRL]
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION: to show proper respect, after the disgraceful
excesses of "Ansible 89.5", to the now fearfully imminent-seeming Scottish
Convention. (Co-chair Martin Easterbrook, wistfully: `If I was on the
outside doing "Small Mammal" I would be much less responsible than you
are being.')
### THE GOLDEN YEARS RETURN ###
POPPY Z.BRITE gained the ultimate accolade -- her 5,271,009th exposition
of how she's actually `a gay male in a woman's body' made it into
"Private Eye"'s coveted `Pseuds Corner' [30 Dec].
ARTHUR C.CLARKE is to be awarded an honorary D.Litt from Liverpool
University (home of the SF Foundation -- "can this be coincidence?") on
26 Jan. Inevitably it's all being done by satellite link between the
State Broadcasting studios in Sri Lanka and Liverpool U's Senate Room.
But the gown and scroll are likely to go by old-fashioned air mail rather
than -- as was helpfully suggested -- fax.
DAVID GARNETT, in a logical next career step after editing "New
Worlds", has found glory on the back of a cornflakes packet. `Kelloggs
are offering free Power Trax Trucks -- what we used to call toy cars. The
drivers are Mark "Firestorm" McCreedy, Chang "Red Dragon" Gee, Chris
"Thunder Warrior" Priest ... no, sorry, Smith. And Dave "Crazy Horse"
Garnett. True fame!'
NEWT GINGRICH the US politician is writing an alternative-history
World War II novel, with sf author William R.Forstchen. Actually it seems
a three-way collaboration, with Jim Baen the publisher/editor shoving in
bits of his own: a Baen passage about `goofy' young Lt.George Bush caused
some stir when the draft was leaked, and was removed.... [MMW] Over, NEL
will be keenly interested in "1945" (the provisional title) and its novel
concept of Hitler going into a deep coma after a 1941 air crash, leaving
him unable to declare war on the USA following Pearl Harbour. In 1979 NEL
published "The Moscow Option", an alternative-history World War II novel
by David Downing: `August 1941. Hitler lies in a deep coma after an air
crash....' [HP]
SIMON R.GREEN, self-confessed rising star of British sf and fantasy,
made the error of enjoying a heavy meal immediately before a spellbinding
talk delivered by Graham Joyce. The room was dark and cosy, the talk
hypnotically compelling, and by and by Mr Green was jerked upright (along
with the entire audience) by a stentorian Joycean bellow of `WAKE UP,
GREEN, YOU BASTARD!'.
CHRIS PRIEST has been up to something: `I'm pleased to say that last
night I wrote the finest, most wonderful passage in all English
literature, a favourite of all writers. THE END. Phew.'
PETER WESTON, `after years of masquerading as a guinea pig, has
shaved off his facial hair (well, most of it). The sight was greeted by
shock and screams from at least two daughters, but SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED
likes it. Those uncertain if they can face the naked visage are assured
that he "claims" to be planning to grow it back before the next fannish
shindig.' [AW]
### CONTIGNATION ###
11 Jan THREE-LINE TV WHIP. Fred Clarke insists, without telling us
why, that fans should watch "The Mysterious World of This Is Your Life"
at 7pm on BBC1. This supersedes the leaked date of 4 Jan; the series
order has since been reshuffled.
25 Jan BSFA LONDON MEETING, Jubilee Tavern, York Rd, nr Waterloo.
Upstairs room, 7pm. With John Whitbourn.
3-5 Feb TRANSEPT (7th UK filk con), Royal Cambridge Hotel,
Cambridge. #22 reg, #17 unwaged. Contact 2 Westbrook Pk Rd, Woodston,
Peterborough, PE2 9JG.
4-5 Feb GENERATIONS ("Trek"), Albert Hall, London. 10-step price
scale from #8 (students, standing) to #30 for `privileged seating' --
"per day", with 10% discount for booking both days, "but" `there is a
booking fee of #2.50.' GoH: more or less the whole "ST:TNG" cast. Contact
22 Reindeer Court, City Centre, Worcester, WR1 2DS. Tickets 01905 613005
or 0171 838 3100.
17-19 Feb ROBOCON: half man, half machine, all CANCELLED.
11-12 Mar TIMEWARP ("Trek"), Grand Hotel, Malahide, Dublin. With
Majel Barrett Roddenberry, Leonard Nimoy. #30 reg. Contact PO Box 4183,
Dublin 16. "NB -- previously advertised as being on 4-5 Mar. Please
adjust your diaries."
12 Mar (Sunday) PICOCON 12, Imperial College Union, Prince
Consort Rd, London, SW7 2BB. 10am-late. GoH Iain Banks. #8 reg. Contact
ICSF c/o Imperial College as above.
14-17 Apr CONFABULATION (Eastercon), London Docklands. Now #25
reg -- lots more at the door, if they let you in at all. Contact 3 York
St, Altrincham, Cheshire, WA15 9QH.
6 Jun H.G.WELLS stamps for "The Time Machine"'s centenary issued
by Royal Mail -- `a must for all Sci-Fi fans', oh dear me.
22-24 Sep 6TH FESTIVAL OF FANTASTIC FILMS, Sachas Hotel,
Manchester. With Roger Corman. #35 reg to April. Contact 95 Meadowgate
Rd, Salford, Manchester, M6 8EN.
12-15 Jul 96 ALBACON 96, Central Hotel, Glasgow. Contact,
probably: 10 Atlas Rd, Springburn, Glasgow, G21 4TE.
"Rumblings" [] The Scottish Convention will be larger than we think,
reveals Michael White in "GQ" magazine -- with the meticulous accuracy
for which his unauthorized boigrahpy of Issac Amisov is famed: `...
expected to attract upwards of 50,000 people.' [DG] [] READING SF GROUP:
the ICL Club, immemorial venue of Monday-night meetings, closed forever
in Dec. Alternatives are being tried: the Three B's (Town Hall basement)
on 9 Jan, The Forbury Vaults on 16 Jan. [] Speaking of which, "Scott
Edelman" of "Science Fiction Age" has sent hordes of UK sf groups a tear-
jerking missive (`Like all editors, I am very protective of the stories
I publish. They are like our children, and I want mine to do well out in
the cold, cruel world.') promising freebies of all the mag's 1994 issues,
to help Brits vote right in the Hugos. If you are a UK sf group or are
thinking of becoming one, apply to him at PO Box 369, Damascus, MD 20872,
USA. [] LILIAN EDWARDS is editing The Scottish Convention's "Timebytes"
fanthology, collecting evocative `timebinding' fragments about
Significant Things in UK fandom since 1987. Suggestions to 39 (1F2)
Viewforth, Bruntsfield, Edinburgh, EH10 4JE.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
WONDERS AND MARVELS. "Rob Hansen"'s 33,000 word TAFF report, "On The Taff
Trail", is now available from him at 144 Plashet Grove, East Ham, London,
E6 1AB, for #3 (plus 50p p&p) or $5 (plus $1.50 seamail, $2.50 air). All
proceeds to TAFF; cheques to be made payable to Rob Hansen. [RH] As Mr
Hansen failed to say in an exclusive "Ansible" interview, `Suck on that,
you non-publishing bastards!' [] Even more legendary is Jack Speer's "Up
To Now", the first-ever fan history, covering doings `up to the eve of
the 1939 Worldcon'. Now reprinted: $5 postpaid in USA (overseas add $2
seamail, $4 air), to Richard Newsome, 281 Flatbush Avenue #1-B, Brooklyn,
NY 11217, USA. [RN]
UPDATES. Despite the worried report in "A86", "Keith Roberts" does
not -- I am instructed -- now have any visual trouble and seems in
cheeringly good literary form, well able to write letters as powerfully
irate as legend credits him with.... ("Signed:" Small Heap of Carbonized
Remnants, Reading.) [] "George Hay" remains in hospital following his
hit-and-run accident, but has been moved: best to write to his home
address, 53b All Saints St, Hastings, TN34 3BN. He's `most appreciative
of the many get-well cards and messages, in particular one that seems to
have been signed by some drunken mob in a pub near Waterloo.' [] The late
"Karl Edward Wagner"'s estate is apparently being looked after by his
brother James R.Wagner, 3103 Trafalgar Dr, Augusta, GA 30909, USA.
C.O.A. "Gollancz", Wellington House, 125 Strand, London, WC2R 0BB.
"Ken Lake", 1a Stephen Ct, Ecclesbourne Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 7BP. "Tom
Perry" (yet again!), 1497 Main St #346, Dunedin, FL 34698, USA. "Art
Widner", PO Box 5122, Gualala CA 95445-5122, USA. "Tom Whitmore", PO Box
46665, Seattle WA 98146-0665, USA.
GRAMMARWATCH. Dire warning from Little, Brown accompanying review
copies of Gary Haynes's "Carrion": `No review should not appear before
the date of publication.' [DVB] [] NOT HAZEL'S LATIN LESSON ... Motion
at a recent UK Professional Association of Teachers conference: `This
conference believes that "mens sana in corpore sano" should in 1994 read
"men's and women's sana in corpore sano".' [via JB]
ARCANE NEWS. `Self-styled psychic Uri Geller, known for claiming to
bend spoons with sheer mental force, yesterday failed to connect with the
legal minds of three appellate court judges who said he must pay nearly
$150,000 in sanctions for a lawsuit he filed against a rival three years
ago.' Thus the "Washington Post" [10 Dec] on the latest legal round
between Geller and magician/debunker James Randi (the `rival'). The court
called Geller litigious and his lawsuit frivolous. [MMW] [] A favourite
recent `magic' story comes from a US conjuror whose skills over-impressed
a fundamentalist: `He started shouting that I was a satanist and had
shunned the ways of the Lord. I tried to explain how the trick worked,
to no avail. Every time he passed me in the hall he crossed himself, held
a cross at me, and on two occasions spoke in tongues.... He started
accusing me of sacrificing children to Satan and molesting children to
offend the Lord. I decided I had had enough. It had been 3 months and I
had tried several times to explain that I was "not" doing real magic. I
have a device that fits over a finger and will shoot a ball of flash
paper 20-30 feet. I kept it with me and the next time he harassed me I
shot a ball of fire over his head and spoke in my own tongues. He
screamed and ran out of the building and I have not seen him since.'
[KEB] "We could use this man at certain sf cons...."
FIRE! STOP PRESS, Maryland, 3 Jan: "Dick and Nicki Lynch" of fan
Hugo fame were driven from home by fire (and firefighter) damage when the
house next door burned down. Focusing on priorities, Dick notes that the
cats, Hugos and stocks of "Mimosa" were all saved. Two months in rented
housing are anticipated.
DICKERY. `Tim: I have moved out. Won't be back for a long time.
Goodbye. Phil Dick.' -- this hand-printed (and reputedly mendacious)
1972-ish note to Tim Powers will set you back $750, as priced in the
bargain catalogue of US bookseller Ken Lopez. If only Dick had commanded
$50 a word in 1972. [DG]
### ANSIBLE TRANSMISSIONS ###
rICH bROWN: `"Science Fiction Fandom", ed. Joe Sanders and published by
Greenwood Press (88 Post Road West, Westport, CT 06881), 293pp., is
finally out. At $55 a copy, it's collegiately overpriced. A.k.a.
"Contributions to the Study of SF and Fantasy, #62". You'll recognize
most contributors: Bob and Juanita Coulson, Sam Moskowitz, Robert A.
Madle, Art Widner, Harry Warner Jr, rICH bROWN, John & Bjo Trimble, Terry
Jeeves ("British Fandom"), Pascal J.Thomas, Roelof Goudriaan, Wu Dinbo,
Masamichi Osako, F.M. Busby, Hank Luttrell, Tom Whitmore, Debbie Notkin,
Bernadette Bosky, Dick Lupoff, Jack Gaughan, Robert Weinberg, Howard
DeVore, Russell Letson and Sandra Meisel.
`As someone who's not receiving any royalties, I have no problem
judging that the book is overpriced. My own contribution "Post-Sputnik
Fandom (1957-1990)" may or may not be typical -- I haven't spoken to any
of the other authors yet -- but I hope not. My offer to proofread the
chapter was not taken up, so I can safely blame the numerous typos and
badly mangled quotations on Greenwood. My first two explanatory
paragraphs having been excised at the last minute, the reader is left to
figure out why I'm talking in fan speak, and just about fanzine fandom,
or why I felt it necessary to refer to events before and after my
designated period. I had been told that Dave Rike would be writing about
the period immediately preceding mine, so I assumed Burbee and Laney
might be mentioned, as well as Speer's numbered fandoms theory; instead
it's by Harry Warner Jr., who doesn't believe in numbered fandoms and
apparently never appreciated Burbee's and Laney's sense of humour. Not
that there are not a few things I must take the blame for on my own hook.
I slagged "Star Wars" for using "lightyear" as if it were a measure of
time, when actually "Star Wars" used "parsec" as if it were a measure of
time. And I found out too late to change it that my understanding of the
"false" Seventh Fandom leaves much to be desired. Harry Warner's
preceding piece about fandom from WWII to Sputnik doesn't overlap with
my chapter at all; neither does his chapter with a "History of Fanzines"
(although, as indicated, my piece concentrates on fanzine fandom).... My
brief take on fanzines in the UK doesn't overlap with Terry Jeeves'
chapter much, either. "[No one overlaps with Terry Jeeves much any more
-- Ed.]"
`If the book didn't cost so much, it would be interesting to find
what other fans think about it.... It has been "in the works" for a
decade or more, and was "much" more ambitious at one point; the publisher
decided it was too big, so most pieces had to be cut and several
"[including Tucker, Geis and White]" removed entirely.' [3-4 Jan, heavily
edited]
[] DAVID CLARK: `One true story of obsession at ConAdian. We decided
to send a special announcement about our Thank-You party to the staff and
volunteers of ConFrancisco. We used the `voodoo' message board for this
(to leave a message you stick a pin by the member's name on the list).
And since I didn't want to use up the supply of pushpins, I went out and
bought my own. Note: the pushpins supplied by ConAdian were all red. I
bought 100 green and 100 of assorted colours, and left messages for over
150 people I could identify as our workers.... After the party I checked
the board again: not unexpectedly, many messages were still in place.
However, someone had gone over the board, removed all my green/other
colour pushpins, and carefully stuck red ones in their place. Did someone
on staff have too much time on their hands? "Is" there a hyphen in "anal
retentive"?' [9 Dec]
[] DAVID DRAKE was angered on reading the supposed cause of Karl
Edward Wagner's death, as reported in "Ansible 89". `In June, 1992, my
mother died of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Shortly thereafter, Karl
diagnosed himself as having Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and announced
this to Bantam as the reason he couldn't turn in the novel 5 years
overdue at the time. There was no sign of a tick, but Karl said he'd
found a scab that might have been left by a tick bite.
`This made me angry enough that I spoke directly to Karl on the
subject -- one of the few times I tried to make him confront his
problem.... Karl's liver failure was due to alcoholism, as anyone who
knew him would expect, and as the autopsy confirmed.'
"[Following up the `Cyberbullies' note in the same issue:]" `I only
glanced at the "Penthouse" article on "cyberbullies" (I bought the
magazine for the pictures of naked tits), but I noticed with amazement
that it was written by John DeChancie. Some years ago DeChancie launched
an attack on GEnie against one of my editors (and a friend of mine). This
had come to over a hundred pages by the time she heard about and
downloaded it herself. As an example of DeChancie's wit: "Why is it that
when female editors get married, they all get fat and slow?"
`I'd say "Penthouse" got the correct person to write the article.'
[20 Dec]
[] ALISON WESTON objects to being called `daughter of the more
famous Peter' (this should have read `celebrity offspring of the now
forgotten Peter') and insists that `despite the fond delusions harboured
by my "committee" there is no real bid for the 1998 Eastercon, at least,
none that has anything to do with me! I deny it utterly. I will not be
responsible for giving my dad a heart attack, and the mere mention of
"conrunning" in his hearing could be enough to do that....' [22 Dec]
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
For reasons of space and justifiable annoyance to the non-net-connected,
I don't like filling the printed "Ansible" with e-mail and Web addresses.
Hence this experimental addendum for the electronic edition only.
Comments are welcome. As with "Ansible"'s usual convention listings, this
is not going to be exhaustive whatever happens....
ANSIBLE IN CYBERSPACE
To receive "Ansible" via Internet, send an e-mail message with the single
word SUBSCRIBE to ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk. Please send a
corresponding UNSUBSCRIBE to resign from this list if you weary of it or
are about to change e-addresses; don't send such requests to me, as I
don't maintain the list!
Back issues are available as follows.
FTP: ftp.dcs.gla.ac.uk, directory /pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Gopher: gopher.dcs.gla.ac.uk
(Thanks as always to Naveed Khan for these services.)
CONTRIBUTORS, NEWLY CONNECTED FANS AND E-COAS
Arnold Akien, arnold.akien@sunderland.ac.uk
rich brown, DrGafia@aol.com
Avedon Carol and Rob Hansen, avedon@cix.compulink.co.uk
Dave Clark, 70701.2154@compuserve.com
Lilian Edwards, EUSL01@srv0.law.edinburgh.ac.uk
Critical Wave, c/o Bernie Evans
Bernie Evans, bevansa@cix.compulink.co.uk
Fans Across the World, bjw@cix.compulink.co.uk
Dave Hardy, Dave@hardyart.demon.co.uk
Alison Weston, hid01@cc.kl.ac.uk
E-ADDRESSES FOR LISTED CONS
Confabulation, confab@moose.demon.co.uk
The Scottish Convention, intersection@smof.demon.co.uk
Picocon, icsf@ic.ac.uk
Timewarp, davemc@toppsi.gn.apc.org
WEB SITES
ICSF and Picocon, http://www.ph.ic.ac.uk/moontg/
James Tiptree Award, http://www.cs.wisc.edu/wiscon/tiptree.html
Wiscon 19 (1995), http://www.cs.wisc.edu/wiscon/
Ansible 90 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to Anonymous
Moles, John Bangsund, Ken E.Barham, David V.Barrett, Cuddles, Rob
Hansen, Crazy `David Garnett' Horse, Richard Newsome, Chris O'Shea,
Harry Payne, Andy Sawyer, Alison Weston, Mike Whitaker, Martin Morse
Wooster, and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan
Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW). Happy New
Year!
5 Jan 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
From ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk Thu Mar 2 13:15:54 1995
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Date: Thu, 2 Mar 95 12:58 GMT
From: ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk (David Langford)
Subject: Ansible 92 [long]
To: ansible@dcs.gla.ac.uk, rec.arts.sf.fandom@newnews.demon.co.uk
Cc: ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
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Status: R
ANSIBLE 92
MARCH 1995
>From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Available for SAE, haecceity or whim.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
ONE SMALL STEP! I did it. I really did it. I filled in a hotel booking
form for The Scottish Convention. I feel all weak....
### THE CEREBRATIVE PSITTACOID ###
JOHN GRIBBIN has known all along about our anonymous sf hoaxer (see
_A91_): `I also get ill-typed letters from "Rachel Oliver" at _New
Scientist_, asking questions about scientific topics. My usual ploy is
to write a hand-written recommendation on the letter referring "her" to
one of my own books....'
PETER NICHOLLS remains secluded but happy in Australia ... `The
acclaim I receive here is pretty muted, not to say inaudible, and you may
have heard how tacky I found it last year that I wasn't even nominated
for the Atheling Award, let alone winning it. The winner was nominated
with the grand total of two votes, it later emerged, but I think he got
four in the final voting. For this sort of reason, Australian awards,
Ditmars included, are pretty meaningless, not even statistically
meaningful as a personal popularity vote (which is how Bruce Gillespie
describes them).'
CHARLES PLATT moans, `When the police arrest you, they warn you that
anything you say may be taken down as evidence and used against you. When
I correspond with Dave Langford, this warning is omitted but the end
result is sometimes the same. I suppose I'm old enough to know better;
yet there's still that moment of shock and disbelief when I see my
personal correspondence faithfully transcribed into print. For what it's
worth (not much) I'd like to apologize to David Pringle, Piers Anthony,
and the Church of Scientology for some of the things I was _[accurately
-- Ed]_ quoted as saying in _Ansible 91_. [] And now a press release:
Perverts around the world may be excited to hear that a new US edition
of Charles Platt's venerable novel _The Gas_ will be appearing from the
legendary Loompanics mail-order company, whose motto is "We know who we
are. We are the lunatic fringe of libertarianism." The Savoy edition was
distributed in the US by another mail-order company who described it in
their catalogue as "possibly the most disgusting novel ever written."
Platt will be writing a new introduction explaining that this
misogynistic filth has nothing to do with his current, socially
acceptable work and is being published as an historical document only.
He says, "I no longer have bad thoughts, I'm kind to animals, and some
of my best friends are women."' _Ansible_ asked Charles whether he'd read
a certain Richard Calder book which had, er, struck your editor forcibly;
he replied, `_Dead Boys_? Hah. Child's play (so to speak). _The Gas_
stands secure at its low-water mark of unredeemable filth.'
CHRIS PRIEST made a ghastly discovery: `The sliding metal shutters
on floppy disks are _sharp_! HORROR HONKER!! While trying to peel off an
old label my hand slipped, and my thumb raised the edge of the shutter.
Result: gallons of blood everywhere, a hurried and dangerous drive to
hospital with blood pouring on to the car carpet, and a neat row of
stitches holding a substantial chunk of my thumb back together,
preventing it from flapping about the way it was. HORROR ALL-CLEAR!!' Was
there a sinister symbolism in the fact that the fatal disk held a copy
of Chris's recently delivered new novel _The Prestige_?
ANDY SAWYER is practising Sarcasm: `The U of Liverpool's student
newspaper covered the Arthur C.Clarke degree conferment somewhat more
extensively than _Ansible_, if with less than Langfordian attention to
accuracy: the book of which ACC said "no other ... had a greater
influence on my life" is cited as _Last and First Nun_. I look forward
to appropriate plot summaries.'
JOYCE SLATER died of a heart attack on Mon 27 Feb, reports _Caroline
Mullan_. `She was at home with Ken, having been discharged last Friday
from hospital, where they discovered she had had a previous heart attack
which no one had suspected. The private funeral is at 2pm Thursday....
Ken Slater says he is well, asks for no fuss and no phone calls please.
Please can we let people know why Fantast Medway orders are not being met
for the time being.' Joyce's cheery presence in UK convention book rooms
will be much missed.
### CONSECTARY ###
1 Mar - 17 May, FROM LITERATURE TO LAUNCH DAY, `books that inspired the
Space Age': exhibition at British Museum, King's Library, Gt Russell St,
WC1. Admission free. [AJF]
to 5 Mar [] KEN CAMPBELL, _Mystery Bruises_, King's Head, Upper St,
Islington, N1. 0171 226 1916
3-5 Mar [] AKFT CONVENTION (_Trek_), Angel Hotel, Northampton. #20
reg, rooms #21/person/night. Over-18s only.
4-5 Mar [] MICROCON 15, Exeter University. GoH Ramsey Campbell.
Phone 01392 73780, fax 74524. The pre-convention signing and party
planned for Fri evening is now cancelled: the bookshop venue was the
local branch of doomed Dillons....
12 Mar (_Sunday_) [] PICOCON 12, Imperial College Union, Prince
Consort Rd, London, SW7 2BB. 10am-late. GoH Iain Banks, Simon Ings. #8
reg (#3 to students with ID, #1 to ICSF). Everyone is urged to bring tons
of priceless first editions for the Friends of Foundation bring-and-buy
sale....
17 Mar [] The Scottish Convention, Jubilee pub meeting (as BSFA,
below). Special seminar on how to send other committee members 3Mb
database files with no software to read them.
17-19 Mar [] TREK DWARF, Holiday Inn, Leicester. #35 reg. Contact
47 Marsham, Orton Goldhay, Peterborough, PE2 0RB.
18 Mar [] STAR WINDS, Queen's Hotel, Portsmouth. 11am to `late'. GoH
Steve Baxter, Gwyneth Jones, Ian Watson, `H.G. Wells' et al. #7.50 reg,
#10 at door. Contact 38 Outram Rd, Southsea, Portsmouth, Hants, PO5 1QZ.
22 Mar [] BSFA, Jubilee pub, York Rd, London (nr Waterloo). Upstairs
room, 7pm. Guest speaker: Hilary Bailey.
26 Mar [] BFS mini-con in Dillons, Sydney St, Cambridge, 2pm on.
Dillons? Oo-er. Better check first.... (See Microcon.)
14-17 Apr [] CONFABULATION (Eastercon), Britannia International
Hotel, London Docklands. GoH Lois McMaster Bujold, Bob Shaw, Roger
Robinson. #25 reg to 31 Mar, then much increased memberships at the door
(panic _now_). PR4 now out. Contact 3 York St, Altrincham, Cheshire, WA15
9QH.
29-30 Apr [] BABCOM 95 (_Babylon 5_), NEC. Birmingham. Huge big
event, expected to be Significantly Non-Cheap. Contact 22 Reindeer Court,
City Centre, Worcester, WR1 2DS.
30-31 Jul [] BROOMCON, `The Pagan Convention', University of Essex,
Colchester. #15 reg. 39 Henniker Rd, Ipswich, Suffolk, IP1 5HF. Bring
your own flying ointment.
24-8 Aug [] The Scottish Convention (53rd Worldcon and Eurocon),
SECC, Glasgow. Legendary hotel booking (and Hugo nomination) forms
finally sighted in the UK _circa_ 22 Feb. Contact Intersection, Admail
336, Glasgow, G2 1BR.
? Oct [] FANTASYCON? No venue, date or committee as yet, but
planning has reached the `will hopefully be organized' stage. Contact The
Bungalow, The Shades, Banbury, OX16 9RS.
13-15 Oct [] OCTOCON (Irish national event), Royal Marine Hotel, Dun
Laoghaire, nr Dublin. GoH Mary Gentle. Rates to follow. Contact (2xIRC)
30 S Circular Rd, Dublin 8, Ireland.
_Rumblings_ [] MISCONSTRUED: _Alsion Wetson_, secret mistress of
typos, complains that custard takes too long to wash out of one's hair.
Otherwise: `I am pleased to say that the women acquitted themselves well
by winning the silly games. Dad says it's because there was no real skill
or logic involved -- but what sort of an idiot, when told to push a
water-filled condom around a slalom course with a knitting needle, uses
the pointy end? A man, of course. What sort of a team loses even when
they cheat?! [] I've always been afraid of Pickersgill, but on close
inspection I have decided that it is impossible to be afraid of one who
looks (and sounds!) so much like an Ewok. He has shamed me into
attempting to reply to some of those 'zines I keep receiving, so watch
out.' Also at Misconstrued, _Greg Pickersgill_ was canonized by a
lavishly costumed papal court, but nevertheless continued to fight the
good fight with the stern vigour of Savonarola: pacing slowly from the
back of an over-large room, he opened his sermon with `Behind me is a
great and empty void ... very like The Scottish Convention.' Among the
ecclesiastical notables uttering Gregorian chants were _Helena `Wimple'
Bowles_ of the Order of the Little Sisters of de Sade (`Torture the
witness some more!'), and thrusting _Mike Siddall_, who learned too late
that the role of _advocatus diaboli_ required a tight red outfit and
horns: to this he added an improvised codpiece of more than optimistic
proportions, which may possibly explain why _Maureen Speller_ found
herself invited to inspect the Siddall genitals and duly called for a
powerful magnifying glass. _Ann Green_ presented a live fanzine,
_Ormolu_, including a `letter column' of audience answers to compulsory
questions (_Ann:_ `Langford -- what is your favourite body odour?' _Me:_
`Er ... We Also Heard From: Dave Langford.'). Traditional out-of-context
remark from _Eileen Weston_: `It's only a pound a week and it gives me
a thrill!'
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
SECRETS OF JOURNALISM. One can only admire the thoroughly researched
piece on _Interzone_ in last month's _Punter_, Brighton's alternative-
reality equivalent of _Time Out_: `_[Interzone]_'s editor, Andrew
Tidmarsh, has written to praise our recent piece on Dave Garnett and the
sci-fi anthology _New Worlds_. He tells us that the latest issue of
_Interzone_, which has actually been going since 1982, this month
celebrates the 100th anniversary of Jules Verne's portentous novel, _The
War of the Worlds_.' [DG]
C.O.A. _Vince Docherty_, TCD/13, PDO, Box 81, Muscat 113, Oman.
_Charles Stross_ (temporarily, while he moves to Edinburgh), c/o 64
Avenue Hill, Leeds, LS8 4EZ.
MORE IMPERSONATION. In the wake of the false Baxter, Greenland and
Langford (see _A91_), a spurious Terri Windling is now ravaging fandom:
`There is a woman who has apparently been impersonating her at
conventions in the US. She discovered this last week, when a friend of
Charles Vess's told Charles that the woman he was talking to was not
Terri Windling -- this friend had met "Terri" at a convention a few
months ago, and had a long talk with "her". [] The unknown woman is over
5 feet tall (a couple of inches taller than Terri), has dark blonde hair,
and looks nothing like Terri Windling (according to the friend who blew
the whistle). She appears to know a great deal about Terri's life, but
does not know how to pronounce "Devon". [] Terri (the real one) will not
be at any conventions this year, except World Fantasy. Last year, she
attended only World Fantasy, Readercon, and one day of the World Horror
Convention in Phoenix. If you saw her anywhere else, it wasn't her.' [BM
via EW] Does the home-grown British polymorph `Rachel Oliver' know how
to pronounce `Devon', we ask?
NEBULAS. Novel shortlist: Greg Bear, _Moving Mars_; Octavia E.
Butler, _Parable of the Sower_; Jonathan Lethem, _Gun, With Occasional
Music_; James Morrow, _Towing Jehovah_; Rachel Pollack, _Temporary
Agency_; Kim Stanley Robinson, _Green Mars_; Roger Zelazny, _A Night in
the Lonesome October_. Although the shortlist is nominally of five books,
`there are seven works because of a three-way tie for fourth in the
voting' -- a situation which implies six and not seven finalists, so one
would guess the tie was actually for fifth place.
UNTIMELY. `_Paul Thorley_, who entered fandom via the Leeds
University group in the very early '80s and has been a regular
convention-goer ever since, is terminally ill in hospital in Stoke-on-
Trent. He is currently spending a fortune in phone calls to contact as
many of his friends as he can, but says he can't possibly reach everyone
who may wish to know the news. He gives everyone permission to "blub" for
a while, but not to mourn for him. On the contrary, it's quite probable
that there will be a riotous wake coming to a convention room party near
you soon.' [MF] _Footnote:_ Paul died suddenly on 27 Feb. [] _Dave
Montgomery_, whom many UK fans will remember from conventions, died on
2 Feb: he'd seemed to be winning his three-year battle against a brain
tumour, but suffered a late relapse. Dave was 37. [via MAH]
TREK RIPOFF? _Andrew Bartmess_, who in the 70s filled a gap in the
_Trek_ mythos by publishing rules for the featured Tri-D chess game, was
far from gruntled to learn that the US Franklin Mint -- the outfit that
sells lavishly priced memorabilia, insignia, etc -- had pinched his text
verbatim as part of their expensive and profitable _Trek_ chess package.
Through a quirk of US copyright law this is apparently just about legal.
AB urges a polite-ish write-in campaign to explain to the Mint that
fandom looks askance at such behaviour ... certainly _Ansible_ at once
cancelled its order for several dozen 3D chess sets at $225+ each.
WORTHY CAUSES. _GHETTO:_ certain folk of good will, realizing that
fan chatter on the Net was insufficiently filthy and depraved, devised
a one-off fund to wire up the legendary Chuck Harris -- famous stone-deaf
co-editor of _Hyphen_ when I was but a tot. The Get Harris Equipped To
Talk On-line fund (as it is generally not known) has now virtually
reached its goal, but kitty-holders P.Nielsen Hayden and D.Langford could
stand being showered with a few more contributions. [] _Brian Burgess_
had a horrific though far from fatal crisis of health at the end of
Novacon, which (in short) led to his having to cough up #591 to be taken
home in a private ambulance. He is not a rich man. Martin Tudor suggests
that fans might help defray the cost; Brian lives at 20 St Albans Cres,
Bournemouth, BH8 9EW.
ONLY IN FANDOM ... _An Anthropomorphic Bibliography_, compiled by
Fred Patten and published by _Yarf! The Journal of Applied
Anthropomorphics_, lists and annotates 250+ sf/fantasy titles featuring
talking animals, `animalized humans', etc. John Clute, you need this for
the _Fantasy Encyclopaedia_'s `Furry Fandom' entry! $5 from PO Box 1299,
Cupertino, CA 95015-1299, USA.
HIGH WEIRDNESS. All _Uri Geller_'s sheaf of lawsuits against his
sceptics and detractors (beginning in 1989) have now been lost,
dismissed, unprofitably settled or withdrawn. Chief victim _James Randi_
adds: `Mr. G. said quite positively a few years ago on a major TV show
here, that he could predict, via his marvellous powers of prophecy, that
he'd win the case against me. So much for prophecy and his fine control
of it.' [] Meanwhile the Scientology horror continues and ramifies,
probably to the alarm of the British fan who's doing a book on cults and
asked on the net for personal horror stories -- using the hitherto safe
anonymous-remailing service in Finland, which within days was compromised
by an unholy alliance of police and scientologists. Oops!
Thog's Masterclass. `He loosened the lacings that held his braes,
stepped out of them, and stood before me as naked as I. Only then did he
bend to lift back my veil. I felt my eyes widen, realizing that there was
more than one reason they called Marc'h the Horse King.' (Diana L.Paxson,
_The White Raven_) [] `His mouth, for a moment, ran liquid and then it
slid, almost of its own accord, down his throat.' (Isaac Asimov, _Prelude
to Foundation_) [JME] [] _Rob Hansen_ submits a sentence from his own
TAFF report: `We got there before 10pm but not before Avedon, who turned
up later.' (`Did I _really_ write that?')
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. _Harlan Ellison_ spoke out in _Comics Journal_:
`Two years from now, I will be on the top of the best-seller list ... the
novel that I'm writing ... will be the number 1 fiction best-seller in
the nation. I promise you ... a natural best-seller idea. It's got to be
a runaway. I mean, it's such a simple, terrific idea you say "Oh Christ,
why didn't I think of that? Why didn't anyone think of that?" I thought
of it. And I'm going to write it.' (_Ansible 7_, March 1980)
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
The _Ansible_ electronic supplement. To receive _Ansible_ via e-mail,
send a message with the single word SUBSCRIBE to
ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk. Please send a corresponding UNSUBSCRIBE
to resign from this list if you weary of it or are about to change
e-addresses; don't send such requests to me, as I don't maintain the
list. I am compiling a list of people who plague me personally with
SUBSCRIBEs and UNSUBSCRIBEs, and what I will do with this list does
not bear thinking about.
Back issues are available as follows....
* FTP: ftp://ftp.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
* Gopher: gopher://gopher.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
* Web: http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Ansible
(Thanks as always to NAVEED KHAN for these services.)
THE E-MAIL MAN
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
British SF Association (_Matrix_ newsletter) -- COA,
Chris.Terran@chaos.conqueror.co.uk
Confabulation, confab@moose.demon.co.uk
Fantasycon (?), piharris@cix.compulink.co.uk
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
The Scottish Convention, intersection@smof.demon.co.uk
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent),
alan_stewart.chem_eng2@muwaye.unimelb.EDU.AU
Charles Stross (for now), charlie@tardis.ed.ac.uk
KISS OF THE WEB WOMAN
_Ansible_ ... as above
ICSF and Picocon, http://www.ph.ic.ac.uk/moontg/
Laurie Mann's interesting sf/fan links,
http://www.lm.com/~lmann/hot/sf.html
NESFA, http://www.panix.com/NESFA/home.html
The Scottish Convention, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/intersection
IMMINENT DEATH OF THE NET PREDICTED! `Please could you tell me how to
get on to "Internet"?' writes the Rev.Lionel Fanthorpe.
Ansible 92 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to Janice
M.Eisen, Mike Ford, Abigail Frost, Dave `Sci Fi' Garnett, Wendy
Grossman, Rob Hansen, Martin Hoare, Beth Meacham, Elizabeth Willey,
Martin Morse Wooster and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA),
SCIS, Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
2 Mar 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
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Subject: Ansible 93, April 1995 [long]
Date: Fri, 7 Apr 95 18:10 BST-1
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ANSIBLE 93
APRIL 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Available for SAE or beneficent mansuetude.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
PUBLISHERS' WAYS. _Editor, on phone:_ `Hello! Remember that book we
talked about!? Can you write it and make it 77,000 words long!? In one
month!?'' _Langford: _`Er, it needs research. Three months minimum if you
want it to be any good.' _Editor:_ `Oh no! It's urgent! The Autumn list,
we need it for the Autumn list! I'll have to talk to so-and-so! I'll call
you right back! Hang on!' _Langford:_ waits patiently by telephone, for
nine days so far.
### WATCHERS OF THE DARK ###
IAN BALLANTINE, co-founder with Betty Ballantine of Ballantine Books in
1952, died in March after long heart trouble. [DD]
SAMUEL R.DELANY's tongue-in-cheek ploy to improve the political
correctness of his reissued porno epic _Equinox_ (aka _The Tides of
Lust_) is to make all its characters 100 years older. No one could
possibly complain about explicit underage sex scenes involving a boy and
girl aged, respectively, 113 and 115....
DAVID GARNETT rants: `I've been trying to find someone else to take
on _New Worlds_. A new publisher which plans to launch an sf list at
Glasgow was asking for material, so I sent them a copy of _NW_. They
phoned and were very interested in taking over the series -- until they
realized that I wanted _paying_ for the anthologies. Most of their
authors, they said, have other jobs and don't have to rely on money from
writing to make a living. So they usually pay only an "honorarium" or a
"nominal fee". Not paying authors -- what a brilliant way of cutting
costs.... [] PS: Yes, it's Ringpull.' Now read on.
JOHN GRIBBIN demonstrates the miracles of synchronicity: `Does
anyone care that my really rather good novel _Time Switch_ is in limbo
because an editor (alias Anne Editer) at Ringpull wants me to rewrite the
characters to match her stereotypes of scientists instead of matching the
kind of scientists I've worked with for thirty years? (And this after Bob
Shaw said he really liked it as it was!) Does this mean I won't get
launched (let alone lunched) at THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION?' New light may
be cast on this question by grim revelations below....
GEORGE HAY wants the SF Foundation to remember its original aims and
`go back to getting decisions taken at key meetings where at least 50%
of those present are actually sf authors or activists. I think Andy
Sawyer and Co. are going great guns in _academic_ terms, but what about
some useful input into space exploration, planetary political issues and
the rest of it?' Come on, Andy, take a day off cataloguing that library
and organize a Mars probe.
ROG PEYTON was mortified by my spoof `_Ansible_ news from 2010'
column (_Interzone 94_), when a not terribly alert customer sent him
condolences on the bit about his Andromeda Bookshop having closed down
since printed books had become extinct. Rog would like a 200-point banner
headline here, saying ANDROMEDA LIVES!, but space is tight as
usual....
KEN SLATER is most grateful for the many letters and cards received
from fans and customers after the sad death of Joyce Slater (they had
been married since 1948). Understandably, he doesn't yet feel able to
cope with personal replies to all this.
MAUREEN KINCAID SPELLER breaks more bad news: `Ringpull have gone
into voluntary liquidation, reasons unknown so far. I'm a creditor (about
#300, which I suspect I won't see). I can't get to the creditors' meeting
next week but am looking for a proxy who can, so we may find out more.
[] One wonders of course what position this leaves Jeff Noon in. _Pollen_
is at the proof stage....' Review copies have appeared, though rather
late. Ringpull had six-figure debts and was tipped over the edge by its
instant book on footballer Eric Cantona -- which infringed the copyright
of _Cantona: My Story_ and needed to be expensively reprinted.
COLIN WILSON `has after nearly 20 years written a sequel to _The
Space Vampires_. He's having difficulty finding a publisher to take it
on -- it's 250,000 words long. Oddly enough, I think the vastness would
add to its commercial potential, but then I'm not a (practising)
publisher!' _(Paul Barnett)_
### CONVALLAMARIN ###
Until 7 May [] STAR TREK EXHIBITION, City Arts Centre, Edinburgh. #3.50
at door, #2 kids/unwaged. 10am-5:30pm Mon/Tue/Sat, 10am-9pm Wed/Thu/Fri,
noon-5pm Sun.
13 Apr [] RINGPULL CREDITORS' MEETING, Stephen Conn & Co, 2nd Floor,
17 St Ann's Sq, Manchester, M2 7PW. 11am.
14-17 Apr [] CONFABULATION (Eastercon), Britannia International
Hotel, London Docklands. No more mail registrations:
#25 reg at Wellington on 6 April, #35 at door. Day memberships #10 Fri
or Mon, #15 Sat or Sun. Supporting members can have 1 day free, or full
membership at the door for #15.
20 Apr [] CLARKE AWARD presentation, The Conservatory pub. With
Colin Greenland as MC. Doors open 6pm or so.
29-30 Apr [] BABCOM 95 (_Babylon 5_), NEC. Birmingham. Huge big
event, assumed to be Significantly Non-Cheap. Contact 22 Reindeer Court,
City Centre, Worcester, WR1 2DS.
14 May [] FANTASY FAIR, Cresset Exhibition Centre, Bretton,
Peterborough. GoH Bryan Talbot, Stephen Gallagher. 10:30am-4pm. #1
admission. Contact 58 Pennington, Orton Goldhay, Peterborough, PE2 0RB.
17 May [] ROY LEWIS of _The Evolution Man_ fame gives a talk to
Richmond Writers' Circle, 8pm: Room 14, Richmond Adult & Community
College, Parkshot, Richmond, Surrey. All welcome. #1.00 at door.
Directions: (01734) 876572. [JB]
14-15 Oct [] OCTOCON (Irish national event), Royal Marine Hotel, Dun
Laoghaire, nr Dublin. #12 reg -- that's _Irish_ pounds. Contact (2xIRC)
30 S Circular Rd, Dublin 8, Ireland.
27-31 Oct [] WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE (horror part of UK Year of
Literature Festival), Swansea. Details to follow. Contact 14 Druslyn Rd,
West Cross, Swansea, SA3 5QQ.
3-5 Nov [] RECONTANIMETED, Grand Hotel, Birmingham, #16 reg (#21
from 1 May, #26 from 1 Nov). SAE to 13 Prescott Clo, Banbury, Oxon, OX16
0RD. 01295 256284.
2-3 Mar 96 [] MICROCON 16, Exeter Univ. Contact Darrel Manuel,
Cornwall House, St German's Rd, Exeter, EX4 6TG.
5-8 Apr 96 [] EVOLUTION (Eastercon), Radisson Edwardian Hotel, near
Heathrow. Fan GoHs announced: Paul Kincaid and Maureen Kincaid Speller.
#20 reg _to 18 April -- _#24 thereafter. Contact 13 Lindfield Gdns,
Hampstead, London, NW3 6PX.
24-7 May 96 [] INCONSISTENT aka Inconsequential V: third in the
sf/humour con sequence (oh, these subtle fannish wits). `Somewhere in the
Midlands.' #15 reg to end May 95. Contact Flat 1, 31 Saxon Rd, South
Norwood, London, SE25 5EQ.
_Rumblings_ [] MICROCON: GoH _Ramsey Campbell_ had fun searching the
Exeter campus for this `most thoroughly concealed convention. The map on
the back of the programme book had a pointer saying _You Are Here_ and
indicating the middle of a pond. So I found some security guards and
showed them the programme, and they hunted for ages through this list of
the day's events -- and were suddenly inspired! "This would be the Morris
Dancers' Buffet Lunch, right?"' Portrait of noted horror author nervously
checking his trousers for small bells and ribbons. [] The Scottish
Convention's latest scare has been the merry discovery that they were
passing around virus-infected membership database disks. (`Am I the only
person using an anti-virus program in the whole of the Indecision team?'
writes a bemused Anon. `What are they all doing, sticking their heads in
the sand and muttering "it'll never happen to me...?") Fearless co-chair
_Martin Easterbrook_ wishes me to quash vile rumours, some of them
emanating from the committee itself, that the Central (fan/party) Hotel
was fully booked before any actual booking forms went out. Always glad
to oblige, boss.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
`THIS ... REMARKABLE ... BOOK.' Mighty publisher Jim Baen plans a
national US advertising campaign for Newt Gingrich's clunky, ghosted
alternate-world sf novel _1945_. With characteristic scrupulous
integrity, he's basing the publicity on quotes avowedly `taken a tiny,
tiny bit out of context' from sarky comments on advance extracts. For
example, the book's purple passage about a `pouting sex kitten' found
`sitting athwart' the hero's chest provoked the critical dig, `This is
an instant classic which will be draped athwart the Speaker's neck by his
opponents in every election he runs in from now on.' You guessed it: Baen
is quoting only the phrase `An instant classic!' ... and loudly expresses
hopes of being sued for it, since `The only thing I'm missing is the
publicity of a court action.' [CM/MJW]
TIPTREE AWARD. Co-winners were Nancy Springer for _Larque on the
Wing_ and Ursula Le Guin for `The Matter of Seggri' (in _Crank_) -- this
being the first time the `gender-bending sf' award has gone to a short
story. [LS]
C.O.A. ETC. _Merf Adamson_ seeks fandom again after 15 years: 18
Asket Gdns, Oakwood, Leeds, LS8 2NW. _Sandra Bond_, Longfield, Worthing
(Working? Watling? Oh, the joys of handwritten faxes) St, Gailey,
Stafford, ST19 5PR. _Mike Glyer/File 770_, 145 E.Sierra Madre Bl.,
Apt.10, Sierra Madre, CA 91024, USA. _Andrew I.Porter_, man of dignity,
wishes fans to put away childish things such as calling him `Andy'. Mr
Porter is 49.
SFX is a new magazine about sf (`mainly films and TV, but also
books, comics, models, toys ...') -- out soon from Future Publishing in
Bath, best known for their computer titles. Editor Matt Bielby; deputy
editor Dave Golder. The usual suspects Barnett, Langford and Stableford
are leaping aboard.
FANFUNDERY. GUFF was decisively won by Ian Gunn and Karen Pender-
Gunn with 87 first-preference votes (Kim Huett got 19, LynC 4, Hold Over
Funds 4, No Pref 1). So they will attend THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION, poor
things. [] TAFF deadline is 29 April: this month is your last chance to
vote right, i.e. for Dan Steffan! [] DUFF: Pat and Roger Sims of
Cincinnati won the subsidized DUFF trip from America to Thylacon, the
1995 Australian National Convention in Tasmania.
AWARD SHORTLISTS. _Philip K.Dick:_ Alexander Becher, _Rim_; Jack
Cady, _Inagehi_; Ian McDonald, _Scissors Cut Paper Wrap Stone_; Lisa
Mason, _Summer of Love_; Lance Olsen, _Tonguing the Zeitgeist_; Robert
Charles Wilson, _Mysterium_. [] _BSFA_ novel award: Iain M.Banks,
_Feersum Endjinn_; Eric Brown, _Engineman_; Greg Egan, _Permutation
City_; Gwyneth Jones, _North Wind_; Ian McDonald, _Necroville_. [] _Lancs
County Library/Natwest Children's Book of the Year_ ... Garry Kilworth
gloats over the
shortlisting of his sf novel _The Electric Kid_.
RANDOM FANDOM. _Andrew Bartmess_, fresh from complaining that the
US Franklin Mint stole his _Star Trek_ 3D chess rules to go with their
_Trek_ chess set, now reports even more bitterly that since he took legal
action the Mint is wickedly short-changing purchasers by shipping sets
_without_ his rules.... [] _Rob Hansen_, demon driver, had a brief but
intense dispute with a steel post: his car lost and is off the road for
an unknown period. [] _Michael J.Walsh_ of the World Fantasy Con despairs
of fandom's sf awareness. As noted approvingly in _A91_, the WFC is
nominally organized by The Baltimore Gun Club: far from remarking `Aha!
Jules Verne!', fans tend to look blank or even become actively stroppy
about the link with `some collection of gun nuts....'
PUBLISHING FUN. I can hardly wait for _New York Smells_ by Caroline
McKeldin (Oct): `The first and only scratch'n'sniff (interactive)
postcard book of New York City ... pictures (and smells of): a pretzel
vendor, flowers on Park Avenue, Lady Liberty (complete with a smelly
Hudson River), the garlic smells of Little Italy, the smell of hanging
ducks in Chinatown, Stadium hot dogs, Deli pickles ... hay from a horse-
drawn buggy, racks of fresh bagels, the pungent odor from the Fulton Fish
market and exhaust fumes from the interminable traffic jams.' [DH]
Inspiration for a scratch'n'sniff fanzine here: the choking fumes
surrounding Abigail Frost, the rich ambience of Greg Pickersgill's beard,
the chocolate whiff exuding from Pam Wells, the ancient musty reek from
within Ian Sorensen's wallet, the confidence-compelling pheromones of any
Intersection board member....
ABORIGINAL SF, that peculiarly named US sf magazine, has suspended
publication and is returning submissions unread. However, editor Charles
Ryan hints at rescue plans. [SFC]
WIRED UK carries Charles Platt's searing account of how he competed
in a high-profile Turing test with $100,000 offered for an AI program
that convinced the judges it was a real person. None did, but by a
cunning strategy of `being moody, irritable and obnoxious', Charles
emerged as the `most human human' in the test (prize: a nice bronze
medal). For next year's competition, AI programmers will surely take the
hint and make their creations rude and annoying ... Artificial Platt.
SCIENCE WEEK featured a panel on `Are writers demonizing the new
genetics?' _Jonathan Cowie_ pukes: `Very limp and poorly organized. The
writers were Maureen Duffy (_Gorsaga_) and Stephen Gallagher (_Chimera_)
... I was surprised Paul McAuley was not there, or other sf writers we
know and love: were they even asked? The presentations were what you
would have expected at an sf con 15 years ago, with discussion tied up
in that old undergraduate chestnut "what is the responsibility of
scientists to society for their science" (analogous to a con panel
getting bogged down on defining sf). There was no speaker co-ordination:
later speakers lamented that what they planned to say had been covered.
References to sf were virtually limited to _Frankenstein_, H.G.Wells,
Michael Crichton ... and the works of Duffy and Gallagher. The Q&A
session saw a steady trickle from the auditorium to the pub. Conclusions?
There were none. Not worth the #10 ticket.'
REVELATIONS. A convivial _Ramsey Campbell_ was asked at Microcon
which UK editor caused him such pain with the first version of his novel
_The Claw_ (see Afterword in the 1992 reissue). `Wild horses would not
make me admit it was Rosie Cheetham,' he declared staunchly.
Thog's Masterclass. `Satisfied at seeing all of them go down, one
by one, through his keyhole, Morgan, fully dressed but wearing only his
socks, eased out of his room and down to Green's.' (Jack Chalker, `Now
Falls the Cold, Cold Night', _Alternate Presidents_) _David Bratman_
wishes to explain: `Nudism and the ability to squeeze through keyholes
are features of Chalker's alternate 1856 not otherwise discussed in the
story' [] `Her languid arms reached up for him, her nipples curled
convulsively.' (Paul Di Filippo, `Distributed Mind', _Interzone 94_ ...
spung!) `The soundless thrum of maneuvering thrusters rumbled through the
jumpship's deck like a dragon's purr.' (Julia Ecklar, `The Human Animal',
_Analog_ 4/95)
A92 CORRECTION.-- _Patrick Nielsen Hayden_ explains the Nebulas:
`No, the tie was for fourth place, resulting in six Nebula nominees. Then
the jury added an additional nominee, as they almost always do -- for a
total of seven. In fact, noting which works were on the preliminary
ballot, it's pretty obvious that the jury's addition was _Temporary
Agency_.'
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO ... _Brian Aldiss_ soared to fame in _Private
Eye_'s `Pseuds Corner' when he wrote of James Joyce: `this Torquemada
of tale-telling began as an insipid poet: _Lean out of the window /
Goldenhair, / I heard you singing / A merry air._ Whether or not the
first word was a misprint for "leap " has been disputed.' (_Ansible 25_,
April 1980.)
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
_Ansible's_ electronic supplement.... To receive _Ansible_ monthly via
e-mail,send a message with the single word SUBSCRIBE to:
ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
Please send a corresponding UNSUBSCRIBE to resign from this list if you
weary of it or are about to change e-addresses; don't send
such requests to me, as I don't maintain the list.
BACK ISSUES AVAILABLE:
FTP: ftp://ftp.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Gopher: gopher://gopher.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Web: http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Ansible
(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
THE NETTED STARS
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
Confabulation, confab@moose.demon.co.uk
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
Octocon, mmmchugh@tcd.ie
THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION, intersection@smof.demon.co.uk
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent),
s#alanjs@eduserv.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
Chris Terran and BSFA _Matrix_, terran@cityscape.co.uk
Pam Wells, Vacuous-Tart@bitch.demon.co.uk
THE SPIDER STRIKES
_Ansible_ ... as above
`Dark Side of the Web', with horror, Gothic and assorted
stuff, http://www.cascade.net/darkweb.html
Evolution, http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~simon/evolve/
Octocon, http://arrogant.itc.icl.ie/OctoCon.html.
THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/intersection
Worldcon bids round-up by Chaz Baden,
ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/ha/hazel/www/bids.html
CHUCH HARRIS PONDERS NET NICKNAME. `I've been thinking for hours about
this ... if Charrisma is still open grab hold of it quickly, "an
extraordinary degree of artistic genius" sums me up pretty well. If it
has already been taken, how about "Charrismatic" (would I be recognizable
as "communal worship and the gift of speaking in tongues"?), Chuchy,
Chucksaway (the ancient aviator), Chuchmilitant, Churly, or even
Charriscuro -- which isn't in my Collins but is swilling around in my
mind as some sort of painting technique, and is undoubtedly spelt
differently.' Before many more weeks we hope Mr Harris will be running
riot on the net as ... charrisma@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Thanks again to all Harris Net Fund contributors! All is ready --
computer, modem, net account, etc -- but there is a slight hitch in
transporting the equipment from here in Reading to Harris Towers in
Daventry. First designated chauffeur Rob Hansen damaged his car (as
above; now repaired, 7 April), and now there's a rash of conflicting
events beginning with the UK Eastercon....
Ansible 93 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to John Bark, Paul
Barnett, David V.Barrett, SF Chronicle, Cuddles, Diane Duane, David
Hartwell, Colin Murray, Patrick Nielsen Hayden, Chris Priest, David
Pringle, Lucy Sussex, Michael J.Walsh, Dave Wood, Martin Morse Wooster
and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan Stewart (Oz),
Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
6 Apr 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
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Date: Fri, 5 May 95 09:53 BST-1
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ANSIBLE 94
MAY 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Available for SAE or used sevagrams.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
CONFABULATION. The first Eastercon in London Docklands was overshadowed
by the weirdly science-fictional tower of Canary Wharf, its pointy top
exuding strange vapours and blinking with strobe-lights. Most
appropriately surreal conversation there: Peter Weston (Man of Wealth)
fantasizing about buying _Interzone_ for his very own and making Sweeping
Changes.... Guests: Bob Shaw revived his Serious Scientific Talks, Lois
McMaster Bujold revealed plans to film her Vorkosigan stories (leading
to an instant, discreditable rumour from Bob Day that Arnold
Schwarzenegger would inevitably play Miles), and Roger Robinson, not
content with doing a nifty booklet of the past Shaw talks, casually
raised another #4,000 for RNIB Talking Books. All this was footnoted far
more wittily than I could hope to phrase it in the con newsletter,
appropriately named _Moose Droppings_. There was also a many-splendoured
programme, but I was in the bar at the time.
### SIXTY HORSES WEDGED IN CHIMNEY ###
STEPHEN BAXTER stared pre-publication pulping in the face, but now writes
with relief: `I've come to an agreement with the H.G.Wells estate over
approval for my _Time Machine_ sequel _The Time Ships_. The estate
approved publication in return for a modest share of the proceeds, and
so the huge pulping machines have been turned back from HarperCollins's
Glasgow warehouse. The launch will now go ahead, about a month late....'
DAVID DRAKE knows all about the ghosted Newt Gingrich sf epic to be
published by Jim Baen: `I can tell you about _1945_, if you're
interested. At this point it's a pretty good book. On a scale from Tom
Clancy (because he defines the genre) at 100 and the sort of series
adventure Gold Eagle was publishing a few years ago (it's publishable
because somebody published it) at 0, I give the current draft an 85. A
previous draft (slightly cleaned up before being excerpted in the press
packets) was a 55 in my opinion. (My opinion didn't thrill Jim.)'
CHRIS PRIEST was an emergency guest at Freicon in Freiburg, at mere
hours' notice, after illness prevented both Fred Pohl and Walter Ernsting
(75) of _Perry Rhodan_ fame.... `A great time was had by all. We saved
their bacon ("we" means that Joe and Gay Haldeman rushed over at the last
minute too), and the Germans were extra-appreciative. Joe and Gay had
just come home to Florida from the Nebula banquet, tipped the dirty
clothes into the washing machine ... and found the fax message. They sat
and watched the washing go round, then tipped the clean clothes back into
the suitcases and went straight back to the airport! Freicon was an
excellent small national con; maybe 100 attendees. Beautiful city by the
Black Forest as advertised, clean, busy and cheerful....' Just one moment
of Priestly bogglement: `One of the other US writers they had invited
turned out to have been Harlan, and if he'd said yes I wouldn't have
known about him until too late.'
DAVID PRINGLE announces: `Rumours have been flying around that
_Interzone_ has lost its Arts Council grant and is in danger of ceasing
publication. Not true: we have an ongoing grant of #4,380 per annum.
Issue 96 is at the printers, and we are planning ahead to a splendid
#100. A J.G.Ballard 65th birthday issue is scheduled for #104, to
coincide with his long-awaited non-fiction collection _A User's Guide to
the Millennium_ in early 1996. So ceasing publication is not on the
agenda. What may have started the rumours is my circular letter to
_Interzone_'s 100 lifetime subscribers, reporting withdrawal symptoms
from Incentive Funding grants received in 1991-93, and arrears with
payments to our printer.... I appealed for them to donate a little more
to help clear that debt. This appeal has been a great success, and so far
has raised over #4,000. The printer arrears should not unduly alarm
anyone -- that's the way things normally work! Because some new
subscribers gained through big subscription drives (paid for by Incentive
Funding) have flaked away, the arrears had recently grown by a bit more
than we could feel comfortable with. Now we have reduced them
substantially, thanks to the kind generosity of many individual lifetime
subscribers. We owe not a penny to the bank (and never have done, in 13
years of publication) and are paying no interest. Publishing _Interzone_
has always been a tough slog, financially, and it no doubt always will
be. We soldier on: and point to our 13 years and 95 issues as proof that
we mean business. Currently, other plans are being laid for boosting the
magazine, and I feel very optimistic about our prospects. So don't
believe rumours: it's onwards and upwards to the year 2001!'
KIRSTY WATT of Ringpull is worried that easily confused fans might have
got the wrong impression from a perfectly routine liquidation, creditors'
meeting and bankruptcy: `Despite rumours to the contrary Ringpull are
still very much alive. We did, in fact, go bankrupt last week -- the
financial kick from the Cantona book affair _[see A93]_ was,
unfortunately, too much for the Company to bear and we had no option but
to call in the receivers. [] But this week Ringpull is delighted to
announce that we are joining Fourth Estate and are taking with us a
number of Ringpull authors, including Jeff Noon. We shall be based in a
new Fourth Estate office in Manchester and will continue to produce
exciting and vigorous fiction. [] You shall continue to see the Ringpull
logo on the shelves as Fourth Estate wish to keep the Ringpull imprint
with it's own distinctive identity. All editorial and publicity shall
continue to be co-ordinate from Manchester while Fourth Estate have
responsibility for sales, distribution and marketing.' [26 April, _sic_]
PAUL WILLIAMS, the expert on (and literary executor of) Philip K.Dick,
and founder of _Crawdaddy_, suffered severe skull injuries in an Easter
bike accident. Two small pieces of luck: an ambulance came in 5 minutes
thanks to a witness with a cellphone, and a fortnight earlier Paul had
bought health insurance for the first time. For a while he could
communicate only by signs, but he is now able to speak at least
occasionally. [PNH]
### CONGROID ###
8 May [] JOHN GRANT signing party at Dillons, Exeter, 2-5pm. `FREE
WINE'N'CHEESE!' the famous author adds irresistibly.
14 May [] FANTASY FAIR, Cresset Exhibition Centre, Bretton, Peterborough.
10:30am-4pm. #1 admission. Contact 58 Pennington, Orton Goldhay,
Peterborough, PE2 0RB.
17 May [] ROY LEWIS (_The Evolution Man_) talk, 8pm: Room 14, Richmond
Adult & Community Coll, Parkshot, Richmond, Surrey. All welcome. #1.00
at door. Info: (01734) 876572.
24 May [] BSFA, Jubilee pub, York Rd, London (nr Waterloo). Upstairs
room, 7pm. Hard sf panel with Steve Baxter.
27-28 May [] ALBION (_Robin of Sherwood_), Northampton Moat House Hotel.
Contact (SAE) 14 Judith Rd, Kettering, Northants, NN16 0NX.
26-9 May 95 [] MASQUE IV (costuming) ... CANCELLED. Too few members and
not enough money, apparently: all fees are being returned. Contact 20
Westhall St, Brighton, BN1 3RR.
27-29 May [] SOL III (_Trek_), Norbreck Castle Hotel, Blackpool. Contact
39 Dersingham Ave, Manor Pk, London, E12.
24-5 Jun [] INTERCEPTION, Hertfordpark Hotel, Stevenage: Scottish
Convention staff weekend (non-staff also welcome). Explores the awesome
theme: `Oh God, Less Than Nine Weeks Left!' Hotel #21.50/night. Contact
address: as Intersection.
1 Jul [] HYPOTHETICON (sf/gaming), Central Hotel, Glasgow. Contact 10
Atlas Rd, Springburn, Glasgow, G21 4TE.
11-13 Jul [] SPEAKING SCIENCE FICTION, U of Liverpool conference. #130
inc hotel. Contact Andy Sawyer, SF Foundation, Sydney Jones Library, PO
Box 123, Liverpool, L69 3DA.
15-17 Jul [] CONUNDRUM (_Trek_), Hospitality Inn, Glasgow. #35 reg (#40
at door). Contact (SAE) PO Box 1598, Rutherglen, Glasgow, G73 4HS.
19-20 Aug [] PRECURSOR, probably in Leicester: `fannish relaxacon', a
pre-Worldcon party to welcome overseas fans (especially for Brits unable
to afford The Scottish Convention). Contact 144 Plashet Grove, East Ham,
London, E6 1AB.
24-8 Aug [] The Scottish Convention (Worldcon), SECC, Glasgow. Now #90
reg, #100 at door. No advance memberships after 22 July. Contact
Intersection, Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR. Only three more _Ansible_s
before the big day....
17-19 Nov [] ARMADACON, Astor Hotel, The Hoe, Plymouth. #20 reg. GoH John
Brunner and others. Contact 4 Gleneagle Ave, Mannamead, Plymouth, Devon,
PL3 5HL. (01752) 267873.
2-4 Feb 96 [] OBLITER-8 (8th UK filk con), Forte Crest Hotel, Milton
Keynes. #20 reg, until the end of Intersection. Contact 212 Albert Road,
Leyton, London, E10 6PD.
28-31 Mar 97 [] INTERVENTION (Eastercon), Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool. GoH:
Brian Aldiss, David Langford (blimey) and Robert Silverberg. #20 reg;
cheques to `Wincon'. Contact 12 Crowsbury Close, Emsworth, Hants, PO10
7TS.
? Oct 97 [] WORLD FANTASY CON, London. No venue details. A #30 `special
Supporting Rate ... until at least 1 June 1995' reserves your membership,
with the vast undisclosed balance to be paid later. Contact PO Box 31,
Whitby, N.Yorks, YO22 4YL.
_Rumblings_ [] MICROCON aftermath: `Jane [Barnett], Microcon Advertising
Dept, received a solicitation from _The Dark Side_: for a mere #170+VAT
she can place an ad for a convention that happened two months ago! With
_TDS_ came the sister magazine, _Scream Queens_, which consists largely
of pictures of female horror-porn actresses you've never heard of
straining to reveal to view the contents of their wombs. A letter to the
advertising manager is in the pipeline: "Dear Sir, I think you may not
know that I am a 17-year-old feminist...."' [PB] [] BABCOM '95 `was
indeed "significantly non-cheap" at #20/day, although the guests put in
fine performances and were considered OK value for money. It wasn't clear
why the promoters had populated the dealers' area with unfortunates
trying to sell crayon renditions of the _Enterprise_, while failing to
notice that there was that Babbling-wossname show around for which the
admirably sparse merchandise happened to include a recently-released
first novel and soundtrack CD. Some early arrival presumably picked up
both copies of each of these rumoured to have been on sale. As for the
NEC itself, I don't think I'd go there again if I were interested in
atmosphere (hangar), acoustics (what?), food (_how_ much?) or bars
(shut). Take your own beer....' [DH] A special Heroic Public Suicide
award went to Danny John-Jules of _Red Dwarf_ for twice addressing a
_Babylon 5_ con without ever having seen the show.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
TAFF: after much toil over white-hot fax machines, _Dan Steffan_ emerges
as 1995 TAFF delegate from America to The Scottish Convention. The
initial first-place votes (NA/Euro/Other) were: Samanda b Jeude 124/18/2,
Dan Steffan 100/51/3, Joe Wesson 46/9/4, No Preference 7/1/0, Hold Over
Funds nil. Successive eliminations and reallocation of transferable votes
led to SbJ 156, DS 180, HoF 19 -- an overall majority for Dan.
(Reallocating HoF gives SbJ 162, DS 188.) Quite a close race. [JB/AJF]
C.O.A. _Simon Bisson_, 18 High St, Twerton, Bath, BA2 1BZ. _Jenny & Steve
Glover_, 24 Laverockbank Road, Trinity, Edinburgh, Scotland, EH5 3DE.
_Mike Glyer_ (tiny update), PO Box 1056, Sierra Madre, CA 91205-4056,
USA. _Tom Perry_ (yet again), 28 Sandpiper Lane, Crawfordville, FL 32327,
USA.
GEORGE E.CHALLENGER'S MYSTERIOUS WORLD is the third of Marcus Rowland's
_Forgotten Futures_ `period sf' role-playing rules and sourcebooks issued
as shareware on disk. There's also a `Forgotten Futures Library' of weird
out-of-copyright articles and arcana. Info: 22 Westbourne Pk Villas,
London, W2 5EA.
DOWN DEEP (jocularly known as _Down Under Visions_) has been drawn to my
attention as a coming anthology of the very finest in Australian sf,
edited by Terry Dowling and Harlan Ellison. It has been accepting stories
since 1983, but....
### GLITTERING PYRITES ###
Pat Cadigan became the first two-time winner of the ARTHUR C.CLARKE novel
award, receiving this year's #1,000 for _Fools_. In the usual exclusive
interview she cried, `Langford, you dog.' (`So,' said David Garnett
ominously, `5 times out of 9, the Clarke has been won by a person of
N.American origin and of the female persuasion.' Who is this person? How
can we stop her?)
Greg Bear's _Moving Mars_ won the NEBULA for best novel, and Damon Knight
was named a SFWA Grand Master. Other Nebulas: Mike Resnick, `Seven Views
of Olduvai Gorge' (novella); David Gerrold, `The Martian Child'
(novelette); Martha Soukup, `A Defense of the Social Contracts' (short).
The PHILIP K.DICK judges chose Robert Charles Wilson's _Mysterium_ as
best original US sf paperback.
Iain M.Banks bagged the BSFA novel award for _Feersum Endjinn_ (runner-up
Greg Egan, _Permutation City_). Other winners: Paul Di Filippo, `The
Double Felix' (short; runner-up Brian Stableford, `Les Fleurs Du Mal');
Jim Burns's _Interzone 79_ cover (art).
FAN ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS (voted at Corflu, USA) -- fanzine _Blat!_,
fanwriter Andy Hooper, and fanartist Dan Steffan.
CONFABULATION once again: Doc Weir award for towering splendidness,
Bernie Evans; Ken McIntyre award for fan art, Dave Harwood (_Attitude 2_
cover); the `Eastercon awards' were dropped.
HUGO shortlist ... NOVEL John Barnes, _Mother of Storms_; Michael Bishop,
_Brittle Innings_; Lois McMaster Bujold, _Mirror Dance_; Nancy Kress,
_Beggars and Choosers_; James Morrow, _Towing Jehovah_.
NOVELLA Michael Bishop, `Cri de Coeur'; Michael J.Flynn, `Melodies of the
Heart'; Ursula K.Le Guin, `Forgiveness Day'; Mike Resnick, `Seven Views
of Olduvai Gorge'; Brian Stableford, `Les Fleurs Du Mal'.
NOVELETTE Greg Egan, `Cocoon'; David Gerrold, `The Martian Child';
Geoffrey A.Landis, `The Singular Habits of Wasps'; Ursula K.Le Guin,
`Solitude' _and_ `The Matter of Seggri'; Mike Resnick, `A Little
Knowledge'.
SHORT M.Shayne Bell, `Mrs Lincoln's China'; Terry Bisson, `Dead Man's
Curve'; Joe Haldeman, `None So Blind'; Barry Malzberg, `Understanding
Entropy'; Mike Resnick, `Barnaby in Exile'; Kate Wilhelm, `I Know What
You're Thinking'.
NONFICTION Isaac Asimov, _I, Asimov: a Memoir_; Cathy Burnett/Arnie
Fenner, _Spectrum: the Best in Contemporary Fantastic Art_; Samuel R.
Delany, _Silent Interviews: On Language, Race, Sex, Science Fiction and
Some Comics_ [not _Silent Interviewing_ as on ballot]; Teresa Nielsen
Hayden, _Making Book_; Christopher Priest, _The Book on the Edge of
Forever_.
DRAMATIC `All Good Things' (_ST:TNG_), _Interview with the Vampire_, _The
Mask_, _Stargate_, _Star Trek: Generations_.
EDITOR Ellen Datlow, Gardner Dozois, Mike Resnick, Kristine Kathryn
Rusch, Stanley Schmidt.
ARTIST Jim Burns, Thomas Canty, Bob Eggleton, Don Maitz, Michael Whelan.
ARTWORK Brian Froud/Terry Jones, _Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book_;
Michael Koelsch, _Gun, With Occasional Music_ cover; Michael Whelan,
_Foreigner_ cover.
SEMIPROZINE _Interzone_, _Locus_, _New York Review of SF_, _SF
Chronicle_, _Tomorrow Speculative Fiction_.
FANZINE _Ansible_, _File 770_, _Habakkuk_, _Lan's Lantern_, _Mimosa_.
FAN WRITER Sharon Farber, Mike Glyer, Andy Hooper, Dave Langford, Evelyn
C.Leeper.
FAN ARTIST Brad W.Foster, Teddy Harvia, Linda Michaels, Peggy Ranson,
Bill Rotsler.
JOHN W.CAMPBELL AWARD Linda Dunn, David Feintuch, Daniel Marcus, Jeff
Noon, Felicity Savage.
HUGO FEETNOTE. 477 ballots were cast. Ties led to the 6 Novelette and
Short Story finalists; only 3 Artwork items appeared on the necessary 5%
of ballots in that category. Best Music was cancelled owing to `marked
lack of interest ... only one nominated item received more than 7
nominations'. [M&DM] Loud noises of `We told you so!' are predicted from
WSFS business meeting pundits who kept saying a Music category wasn't
viable. Instead, `there should be more categories relevant to
contemporary sci-fi,' grumbles _David Garnett_. `Best _Star Trek_ novel,
for example, and best sequel to a book by a dead author....'
THOG'S MASTERCLASS. `Laurent had not gasped or cried out. But Laurent's
cock was bobbing uncontrollably. Tristan was in the same transparently
miserable state, yet he looked, as ever, quietly majestic.' (Anne Rice,
_Beauty's Release_, 1985.)
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
To receive _Ansible_ monthly via e-mail, send a message with the single
word SUBSCRIBE to:
ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
Please send a corresponding UNSUBSCRIBE to resign from this list if you
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BACK ISSUES AVAILABLE:
FTP: ftp://ftp.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Gopher: gopher://gopher.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Web: http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Ansible
(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
WHERE IT'S @
_Attitude_: The Fanzine Most Recently Denounced By Chris Bell,
Attitude@bitch.demon.co.uk or jgd@cix.compulink.co.uk
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
Interception, fiona@intersec.demon.co.uk
Intervention (Eastercon 1997), interven@pompey.demon.co.uk
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
The Mexicon Hat, Mex_Hat@bitch.demon.co.uk
Obliter-8, obliter8@oreos.demon.co.uk
The Scottish Convention, intersection@smof.demon.co.uk
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent),
s#alanjs@eduserv.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
Chris Terran and BSFA _Matrix_, terran@cityscape.co.uk
Pam Wells, Vacuous_Tart@bitch.demon.co.uk
_Ansible_ grovels to Pam Wells following the Great Hardware Disaster of
Issue 93 ... which, when reconstructed from a damaged file, emerged with
a hyphen replacing the underscore in the all-important `Vacant_Torte'
part of her e-address.
THE SPIDER MOVES IN
_Ansible_ ... as above
European SF Society, http://www.metu.edu.tr/~wwwsffs/esfs/esfsmain.html
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~simon/evolve/
Klingon Language Institute (oh God), http://www.kli.org
Laurie Mann's interesting sf/fan links,
http://www.lm.com/~lmann/hot/sf.html
Octocon (minute correction), http://arrogant.itc.icl.ie/OctoCon.html
The Scottish Convention, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/intersection
Worldcon bids round-up by Chaz Baden,
ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/ha/hazel/www/bids.html
POLICY BIT. Rather than feebly try to duplicate other and better web
resources, I'm listing new and/or vaguely interesting sites according to
personal whim. Major British conventions will appear here regularly. For
serious worldwide sf/fan coverage you are commended to Laurie Mann's
excellent clearing-house pages.
HUGO SECRETS. Intersection seemingly did not prepare its own e-mail
release of the nominations; the one first seen on Usenet was typed by
plucky Patrick Nielsen Hayden from a barely legible fourth-generation fax
-- hence the spurious `Ian Burns' for `Jim Burns'. This release also
omitted one of Ursula Le Guin's novelette nominees, `Solitude'. Martin
Easterbrook, famous Scottish Convention co-chair, apparently found this
version on the net and recirculated it (uncorrected) to the committee
list server, thus giving Ian Burns a quasi-official status.... Meanwhile,
spies inform me that Shoemaker-Levy 9 was not ruled ineligible for Best
Dramatic Presentation but merely failed to get enough votes.
AND FINALLY ... is it a tiny landmark in Hugo history that Chris Priest's
Hugo-nominated _The Book on the Edge of Forever_ had its entire text (in
a negligibly different version) freely available on the net before
publication in book format? It's still out there:
FTP site: ftp.dcs.gla.ac.uk
Path: /pub/SF-Archives/Misc/Last_Deadloss_Visions-Chris.Priest
Ansible 94 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to Paul Barnett,
Jeanne Bowman, Cuddles, Abigail Frost, David Hipple, Roz Kaveney, Mike
& Debby Moir, Patrick Nielsen Hayden, Chris Priest, Jilly Reed, Chris
Terran, Thog, and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan
Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
4 May 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 95
JUNE 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Available for SAE or Maltese Falcon.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
_SFX_, `the hot new sf magazine', published its first, June-dated issue
in May. No fiction appears and the coverage is chiefly of media sf (David
Pringle can breathe again), though there's a suitably eccentric joint
interview with Iain Banks and Iain M.Banks. A weird launch party was held
in `Jim Henson's The Creature Shop', Camden Town, inside a disco-lit and
smoke-clouded indoor marquee decorated with special effects from _Dr
Who_, _Alien_, _Neverending Story_, _Dark Crystal_, etc. Here a Robocop
clone prowled the huge crowd firing a VERY NOISY gun, while lady guests
complained that the wandering Dalek was taking personal liberties with
its plunger. Thanks to a mysterious sponsorship deal, there was a wide
choice of either bottled Czech lager or Smirnoff vodka served by drag
queens. Millions of famous media folk went unrecognized by me; my one
brief chat with _SFX_ deputy editor Dave Golder was rapidly broken up by
a PR person dragging him away to -- as he later put it -- `do my duties
with Peter Davison (which was hideous -- he was in a foul mood).' Ever-
watchful Mary Branscombe also names names: `I saw Jon Pertwee leave with
a full bottle of vodka very early on, after he told the Dalek to sod
off.' Written-SF luminaries included John Clute, Mike Scott Rohan, Dick
Jude (`What have you written about Forbidden Planet _this_ time, Langford
you bastard?'), and, er, that's about it. We never worked out who all the
people in _Star Trek_ uniforms were. Why doesn't _Interzone_ hold parties
like this?
### R.I.P. ###
BRIAN ALDISS on CHARLES MONTEITH (1921-1995): `The Tibetans have just
chosen a new Panchen Lama by "a system of dreams and visions". By such
a system, maybe, Charles Monteith was chosen to be a perfect publisher.
He joined Faber & Faber in 1954, eventually to become chairman of the
company. Charles had bagged double Firsts in English and Law at Oxford;
not only was he brilliant, he was highly amusing and hospitable. And he
liked sf. A big man in every way. [] He wrote to me in the year he
arrived at Faber, inviting me to do a book, my first: _The Brightfount
Diaries_, a social comedy which met with some success. When he asked me
what I was going to do for an encore, I told him I was writing a science
fiction novel -- _Non-Stop_. `Good,' said Charles, possibly the only
publisher who would have said Good at that time. But Charles was friendly
with Kingsley Amis and Bruce Montgomery (`Edmund Crispin'), and was
publishing the latter's superb _Best SF_ series. He also published the
early William Goldings -- Bill regarded himself as an sf writer at this
time -- and John Bowen, among others. Soon he took on other sf writers,
Edmund Cooper, James Blish, Clifford Simak, and Harry Harrison, thereby
proving to the dimmer fraternity that sf was a commercially viable field
of publishing. Much is owed to his perception and enthusiasm. [] It was
a privilege to be published by the ever-genial Charles, and to meet Sir
Geoffrey Faber, another sf buff, and T.S.Eliot, as well as all the Faber
poets. I parted company with the firm only when my agent advised it,
owing to Faber's reluctance regarding _Billion Year Spree_. [] What
Charles and I had in common was that we had both read _Modern Boy_ in the
30s, and were slaves to the stories of Captain Justice by Murray Roberts;
also, we had both served in Burma, where Charles was severely wounded.
The wound dogged him for the rest of his life, contributing to his death
in May. In today's publishing rat-race, I know only one other publisher
who at all resembles the majestic and amusing Charles Monteith.' _(Later
Monteith discoveries of note included Christopher Priest and Garry
Kilworth.)_
GREGORY BENFORD on long-time US fan NORM CLARKE: `[He] died March 29 in
Ottawa, Canada, age 64. Noted local jazz saxophonist of the skree-honk
school, well known as fannish wit. Founding member of Lilapa _[mid-60s]_,
baseball fan, not well educated but well read. Survivors are daughters
Jennifer and Laura, ex-wife Gina, two brothers & a sister. Last I saw
Norm was when he visited us at MIT (I on sabbatical) 1993, and we took
in a Sox game and drank a lot. He died of kidney failure, I believe.'
_Benfordian footnote:_ `Lilapa lives on, robustly. I am still a fan, in
an APA, contribute regularly to fmz, went to Corflu this year, will be
at worldcon. See you there. Once a fan....'
DAVID V.BARRETT sadly reports: `CHRISTOPHER HODDER-WILLIAMS, author of
_Chain Reaction_, _The Main Experiment_, _The Egg-Shaped Thing_, _Fistful
of Digits_, _98.4_, _Coward's Paradise_ and many other novels, most of
them sf, died of a heart attack on 15 May (following a long illness). He
was 69.... I worked with him on the MSS of a number of novels since 1983,
and had been acting as his agent for the most recent, _Schizorama_, about
a schizophrenic and "care in the community".'
THE 8TH EARL OF CLANCARTY, famous for UFO books under the byline Brinsley
Le Poer Trench (his actual name, minus an initial `William Francis'),
died in May aged 83. Perhaps his finest hour was the 1979 House of Lords
UFO debate, whose transcript in _Hansard_ sold out on the following
day....
CHARLOTTE FRANKE (1935-95), for many years a stalwart of the UK Milford
sf conferences, died in Germany this May. [DG]
### SECRET SHARERS ###
BRIAN ALDISS had immense fun with his recent `Time Capsule caper': the
sixth form of West Buckland school on Exmoor was mobilized with metal
detectors to locate the biscuit tin of `raunchy tales' nervously buried
there by the great man while himself a hand-reared pupil, over 50 years
ago. News coverage extended as far as the _Peebles Observer_, the Hong
Kong press and Radio 4: the reported raunch-level of the `saucy stories'
varied considerably from paper to paper. `I now hope to sell the stories
to the nation,' says Mr Aldiss in an exclusive fax. `Would take anything
between ten grand and a million....'
JOHN CLUTE's _Look at the Evidence_, his second mighty collection of sf
`reviews and stuff, mainly 1987-92', will be co-published by Serconia
Press (USA) and Liverpool University Press here ... another happy
indication of Liverpool U's `growing attentiveness to sf general,' beams
John. The book features an exhilarating rant about editorial malpractice
at what JC is not alone in reckoning the world's worst professional
outlet for sf/fantasy reviews: the _Times Literary Supplement_.
JULIAN FLOOD has stepped into Rob Holdstock's long-vacated shoes --
writing scenarios and fiction for the _Elite_ computer game, reincarnated
as _Frontier_. JF brags of pillaging countless fictional sources
including, at length, a Langford story called `Blit': `this isn't ripoff,
old chap, this is respectful quoting....'
DIANA WYNNE JONES underwent four hours of emergency spinal surgery on
Monday evening (29 May), and in two days was sufficiently recovered to
display `a filthy temper'. She apparently has only two unreconstructed
vertebrae left.... [DVB/CB]
GARRY KILWORTH broke down under our ruthless lack of questioning and
repeatedly admitted that his novel _The Electric Kid_ has won the
Children's Book of the Year Award, sponsored by NatWest (so _that_'s what
they do with my bank charges) and voted on by children. The book is
`currently being translated into American, with esoteric words such as
"perhaps" being changed to "maybe"....' [DG]
BRIAN STABLEFORD's _Interzone 95_ review(s) originally contained some
nasty remarks about David Garnett's _Stargonauts_, removed (by agreement)
to spare DG's feelings -- except that editor Pringle thoughtfully read
that bit over the phone to DG.
### CONSPERSION ###
3 Jun [] PAT CADIGAN holds court at The Conservatory (London), 12:30.
6 Jun [] H.G.WELLS stamps for _The Time Machine_'s centenary out today,
looking quite remarkably grotty and unWellsian.
24-5 Jun [] INTERCEPTION, Hertfordpark Hotel, Stevenage: Scottish
Convention staff weekend (non-staff also welcomed into the parlour, heh
heh). No fee. Contact: as Intersection.
28 Jun [] BSFA, Jubilee pub, York Rd, London (nr Waterloo). Upstairs
room, 7pm. With Gwyneth Jones.
1 Jul [] ARMAGEDDON FIREWORKS, Hardwick House, Whitchurch, 8pm for 10:30.
Bar. #3.50; #4 at gate. 01734 843219.
1 Jul [] HYPOTHETICON (sf/gaming), Central Hotel, Glasgow. GoH Maggie
Furey, Tom Holt. #10 reg, #15 at door. Contact 10 Atlas Rd, Springburn,
Glasgow, G21 4TE.
14-16 Jul [] DIMENSION JUMP (_Dwarf_), somewhere. SAE to Garden Cottage,
Hall Farm, Scotton, Norwich, NR10 5DF.
4-5 Aug [] CLWYDCON (small press/poetry), Celyn Horticultural Coll,
Northrop, Clwyd. #7 `enrolement fee' to P.E.Presford, `Rose Cottage', 3
Tram Lane, Buckley, CH7 3JB.
11-13 Aug [] NEXUS (_Trek_/sf), Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza, Bristol. GoH:
John `Q' de Lancie, others. #35 reg (less for 1/2 days only) + 3 SAEs;
no advance booking after 28 Jul. Contact 26 Milner Rd, Horfield, Bristol,
BS7 9PQ. [SR]
19-20 Aug [] PRECURSOR, now moved to Hertfordpark Hotel, Stevenage: pre-
Worldcon `fannish relaxacon' party. Contact 144 Plashet Grove, East Ham,
London, E6 1AB.
24-8 Aug [] THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION (Worldcon), SECC, Glasgow. #90 reg,
#100 at door. No advance memberships after 22 July. Contact Intersection,
Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR. Only _two_ more _Ansible_s to go before zero
hour....
11-13 Jul 96 [] SPEAKING SCIENCE FICTION, U of Liverpool conference. #130
inc hotel. Contact Andy Sawyer, SF Foundation, Sydney Jones Library, PO
Box 123, Liverpool, L69 3DA. _(Accidentally listed last issue as being
in 1995 -- oops!)_
26-29 Jul 96 [] ALBACON 96, Central Hotel, Glasgow. _NB: changed dates_
owing to a titanic clash with Contagion. Contact 10 Atlas Rd, Springburn,
Glasgow, G21 4TE.
_Rumblings_ [] _Judith Clute_'s paintings are on show at Lauderdale
House, Waterlow Pk, Highgate Hill, N6, until 11 June. 0181 348 8716.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
JAPANESE WHISPERS. One cause of Uri Geller's famous failed lawsuits
against psychic debunker James Randi proved to be an interview conducted
via interpreter by a Japanese reporter who spoke no English. Randi's
remark `Geller has no social conscience' reached Japanese print as,
approximately, `Uri Geller is a loathsome social disease....' [MMW]
C.O.A. _Cat Coast & Dave Hicks_, 22 The Uplands, Rogerstone, Newport,
Gwent, NP1 9FA. _Fiona McHugh & Paul Voermans_, 11 Leinster Grove, East
Brunswick, 3057, Australia. _Jonathan Palfrey_, SITE, Mini Parc Alpes
Congres, 6 rue Roland Garros, 38320 Eybens, France. _Ringpull_
(redivivus), Albion Wharf, Albion St, Manchester, M1 5LN.
OH NO! The _Federation of Australian Writers Bulletin_ has issued a
WARNING TO CONTRIBUTORS: `An FAW member who sent work to L.Ron Hubbard's
Writers of the Future, which was promoted in recent editions of the
_Bulletin_, has advised us that her work was returned unopened. This
indicates that this publishing body has closed or changed address. We
would therefore advise FAW members against submitting work to this
publisher.'
THOG'S MASTERCLASS. `Sweat broke out on his brow as he wrestled with his
brain ...' (Julian Flood, `Control', _Tomorrow_ 6/95) [MMW] [] `They were
within two hundred meters, rocketing toward nullgrav steel doors that
could absorb a direct hit from a meson without buckling.' (Margaret Weis
& Don Perrin, _The Knights of the Black Earth_, 1995)
THE NEVER-ENDING _SF ENCYCLOPAEDIA_. Grolier's spiffy CD-ROM edition
should be out real soon now. _John Clute_ promises: `75 author entries
by me added, and a lot more than that by Peter Nicholls on everything
else. Lots of new corrections, and (at a very rough guess) about 600
entries updated by me, and about 90 by Peter.'
MILLENNIAL. Radio 4 mentioned `a proposal submitted to the Millennium
Commission: that it should fund a galactic treasure hunt, which would
involve sending pound coins into space. The details were a bit confused,
but "... this was a suggestion by a Mr Duncan Lunan." And as soon as they
heard the name, the audience all laughed.' [DG]
VOTE BRIT! _Simon Ounsley_ has been sending eloquent letters pointing out
that our very own _Interzone_ came close to winning the Semiprozine Hugo
in 1987, and that (with issue 100 approaching) it would be a shame for
it to miss out again in 1995 merely through British fans' celebrated
apathy. _Verb.sap._
THE BOOKSELLER names Pat Cadigan's _Fools_ as winner of the `Arthur
C.Clarke Award, given for the best crime novel....' [CP]
THE LAST DANGEROUS FRESCO. Broadcasting in deadly secrecy to the entire
Internet, _Harlan Ellison_ revealed a former romantic entanglement:
`Christopher Priest is no more and no less [than] a "jilted lover." I
rejected him from _The Last Dangerous Visions_ and he has never been able
to get over it.' Mr Priest, who remains under the impression that he
withdrew (and rapidly resold) `An Infinite Summer' after four months of
editorial silence, was more interested by the same bulletin's Renaissance
Editor comparison. Again HE identifies himself with Michelangelo being
nagged by a philistine Pope to finish the Sistine Chapel as a rush job.
CP helpfully comments: `The Sistine Chapel frescoes took Michelangelo
just over four years to complete. He was 33 when he started in 1508 and
37 when he finished in 1512. When Ellison first announced _TLDV_'s
impending publication, he too was 37. Now he is older than Pope Julius
II (60 when elected), who not only commissioned Michelangelo's work but
lived to see it completed.'
### THOG'S MASTERCLASS SPECIAL ###
_Chris Bell_ has been testing her editorial skills on perhaps the most
stunningly copy-edited novelization of this or any other decade:
_StarGate[TM]_ by Dean Devlin & Roland Emmerich! Enjoy.... (The comments
are hers.)
The hunter could move no faster than the stone walls of the cave that
surrounded him ... [] Daniel's nail clippers were no match, so he moved
to the desk and sat down. [] ... and a Bible in the bottom drawer that
probably came with the desk. [] The air itself was thick with people.
_(This is later made clear:)_ Skaara clucked like a chicken and flapped
his wings. [] As soon as the giant disk was revealed, the entire city
fell, its knees in one massive human wave, bowing toward the visitors.
[] The light on the scene in the entrance hall dimmed until the clean
edges of the radio began to decompose, dwindling into the approaching
night. [] ... an oblong asteroid ... that was this planet's moon. [] ...
dazzling silken costumes carrying all manner of tableware ... [] The
women met these attempts to communicate with the same aggressive refusal
Kasuf had shown. They took the mirror away and wagged their fingers at
him. _(I bet the Bosnians would like that kind of aggression.)_ [] ...
the rifle in his hands like a live eel. [] In his metal gloves, he
carried a five-foot-long weapon. _(It beats a knife down your sock.)_ []
Daniel's eyes bugged to silver dollar size, sure he was a goner, waiting
to feel the ice-hot blade slit open his throat. [] It's skin ... seemed
to glow ... emitting a ghostly pall. Daniel wondered whether he might be
made of the same unidentifiable substance as the StarGate. [] Skaara felt
his stomach nearly fall out of his mouth. [] Ra nodded once very broadly.
[] The harsh glare of three guns poured in from every angle ... [] The
shot went through Freeman's head like a soft watermelon, raining pieces
of him onto the screaming crowd. [] Still wearing his helmet, his mouth
hung open in a way that changed Daniel's expression immediately. [] He
had been staring at Skaara's large drawing for several minutes when it
fell out of his mouth. [] It was a hard thing to say to the old man she
loved so much, and then ran to catch up with Daniel. [] Holding the
recently delivered Skaara by one ankle, he lifted the spindly fourteen-
year-old as high as he could, until they were face-to-upside-down-face.
[] Just before the lid closed above him like an infant reentering the
womb, he heard the giant noise of voices erupt outside. [] _(WHO is in
charge at Penguin these days? -- CB)_
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
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(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
@KINS
Albacon 96, albacon@srian.demon.co.uk
Harry Andruschak, harry.andruschak@greatesc.com
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
Interception, fiona@intersec.demon.co.uk
Intervention (Eastercon 1997), interven@pompey.demon.co.uk
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
Precursor, avedon@cix.compulink.co.uk
The Scottish Convention, intersection@smof.demon.co.uk
Paul Kincaid & Maureen Kincaid Speller, mks_pk@cix.compulink.co.uk
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent),
s#alanjs@eduserv.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
Fiona McHugh & Paul Voermans, pendoppo@netspace.net.au
If you're receiving printed _Ansible_s by snail mail from Janice
Murray but are happy with the e-mailed, Usenet or web version, do
consider easing Janice's vast burden by asking to be dropped from her
list....
AM-WEB
Delos Cyberzine (in Italian), http://www.mclink.it/n/delos/index.htm
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~simon/evolve/
Laurie Mann's interesting sf/fan links,
http://www.lm.com/~lmann/hot/sf.html
The Scottish Convention, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/intersection
Worldcon bids round-up by Chaz Baden,
ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/ha/hazel/www/bids.html
POLITESSE. Mark Plummer's booking form for Interception contains
(after the usual name/address/phone slots) this tactful aside: `Please
note that I will not actually want to use your E-mail address but I've
included a space so you can include it because I'm sure it will make
you happy.'
Ansible 95 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to David
V.Barrett, Paul Barnett, Chris Bell, Malcolm Edwards, Julian Flood,
John Foyster, David Garnett, Chris Priest, Steve Rothman, Yvonne
Rousseau, Martin Morse Wooster and our Hero Distributors: Janice
Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget
Wilkinson (FATW).
1 June 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 96
JULY 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Available for SAE or all-purpose plot coupons.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
IT HAD TO COME: I finally got to be a virtual convention guest ... one
of several at Cascon in Slovakia, via Internet Relay Chat [1 July]. Great
hospitality, though vodka does not e-mail well.
### THE GRAVEYARD HEART ###
STEVE BAXTER enquires: `Separated at birth? I wonder if your readers have
noticed the remarkable resemblance between the comic Lancastrian idiot
"Peter" in BBC2's _The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer_ and Manchester-based
neo-cyber-guru Jeff Noon. Are they by any chance related? I think we
should be told.'
OCTAVIA BUTLER was one of the 24 winners of the 1995 US MacArthur grants,
sometimes called the `genius awards'. This means $295,000 (in instalments
over 5 years) plus free health insurance; the money can be spent as she
likes, being `intended to encourage and facilitate the recipient's work'.
A cheeringly unexpected `outside' recognition of a good sf writer. [MF]
Of course the reaction in certain generous circles of fandom was, `Ah,
she only got it because she's female and black....'
NEIL GAIMAN was alarmed on 22 June: `Phone calls received this morning
asking if it were true that I was dead. Reports of it "all over the
Internet". "I can wake him up and ask him," Mary told the callers, "But
I think I would have known."'
MIKE MCQUAY, US sf novelist, died recently of a heart attack in his mid-
forties. He had just completed a collaboration with Arthur C.Clarke,
entitled _Richter 10_. [PB]
PETER NICHOLLS enjoyed mixed blessings: `It's very embarrassing. At last
year's Australian national convention I stood up at the business meeting
and tongue-lashed the organizers -- "Who is this mad old fart?" BNF Marc
Ortlieb was heard to mutter -- about _(a)_ their failure to invite local
writers and critics on to panels, and _(b)_ the oddities of Ditmar
nominations and voting. As an example of these I foolishly laid myself
open to accusations of megalomania by instancing my own failure to get
on to the Wm Atheling Jr Award shortlist with _The Encyclopaedia of SF_.
"I can get on to Hugo shortlists," I thundered, "but can't even get
nominated in Australia." This year the Natcon was the small but hugely
successful Thylacon; there were insufficient nominations for the Atheling
award to be given at all. So the committee gave a special Atheling to me.
I accepted (as I had to) with genuine pleasure -- the award memorializes
one of the best friends I ever had in sf -- but what does it make me look
like? I'll go down in history as the person who begged for an award, and
was given it the next year just to shut me up. Australia's Andy Porter.
Greg Egan collected all the fiction Ditmars going, by the way.
Deservedly. I got drunk that night with Stan Robinson and Karen
Fowler.... [] Tomorrow I'm Best Man at the joyful nuptials of Jack Dann
and Janeen Webb. The movie will be called _Four SF Conventions and a
Wedding_.' [16 June] Spies insist that this Best Man wore a kilt.
CHARLES PLATT, man of many facets, `is best known to Washingtonians as
the architect of the elegantly neoclassical Freer Gallery of Art....
Architecture is just a part of Platt's legacy, however. This exhibit
includes many examples of his etchings and paintings,' writes the
_Washington City Paper_ ... but at this point our US newspaper clippings
agency (Martin Morse Wooster) was severely reprimanded.
DAVID PRINGLE feels unthreatened by _SFX_: `Quite impressive in its
vulgar way. They're obviously trying to do a sci-fi media version of _Q_
or _Empire_. Not a bad idea, commercially! It's the people at _Starburst_
who will be feeling green about the gills....'
BRIAN STABLEFORD, cheery as ever, had an attack of the third person:
`Thinking that the impending Millennium might cause an upsurge of
interest in the future, and sick of the hypocrisy involved in carefully
disguisiung his sf novels as horror or fantasy trilogies in order to make
them saleable, Brian Stableford prepared an outline for a six-part future
history spanning the next 1,500 years, accommodating therein such recent
successes as Hugo-nominated "Les Fleurs du Mal" and the awesomely
brilliant "Mortimer Gray's _History of Death_". His current editor (John
Jarrold) said that he quite liked the idea but that the Random Century
Sales Dept had decreed that the UK sf market is now too small to be worth
bothering with. The only other editor who nibbled (Nick Austin) was
similarly overruled in committee. Only time will tell whether this is the
death-knell of British sf or Nature's way of informing BS that destiny
has him marked down as a fantasy writer and he'd better stop
prevaricating and bloody well get on with it.'
J.MICHAEL STRAZCYNSKI of _Babylon 5_ fame, asked on the net about a
certain Hugo nominee, dropped a subtle hint as to how his vote might go:
`What I have to say about Christopher Priest and his piece of crap
_Deadloss Visions_, little more than attempted literary assassination,
from a personal vendetta aided and abetted by Groth and Feeley, would fry
your modem connection and violate just about every provision Congress
just slapped onto electronic communications.' Gosh!
ROGER ZELAZNY died on 14 June in Santa Fe, of kidney failure caused by
colon/rectal cancer, following a period of illness not generally known
to the sf community. Zelazny was at the heart of the 1960s `US New Wave'
-- a deserving multiple Hugo and Nebula winner whose best fiction (like
_Lord of Light_) still has a mythic dazzle. He was only 58 and left us
far too soon.
### CONFRAGOSE ###
14-16 Jul [] DIMENSION JUMP (_Dwarf_), somewhere. SAE to Garden Cottage,
Hall Farm, Scotton, Norwich, NR10 5DF.
15-17 Jul [] CONUNDRUM (_Trek_), Hospitality Inn, Glasgow. #35 reg; #40
at door. Contact (SAE) PO Box 1598, Rutherglen, Glasgow, G73 4HS.
16 Jul [] DR WHO TOUR, Jarvis Parkway Hotel, Leeds. #14 reg. Contact
(SAE) Tour 95, PO Box 85, Amersham, Bucks, HP7 9QH. Also Heathrow 30 Jul,
Chester 6 Aug, Exeter 20 Aug.
26 Jul [] BSFA, Jubilee pub, York Rd, London (nr Waterloo). Upstairs
room, 7pm. Guest `to be announced', probably at 6pm.
26-9 Jul [] THE TIME MACHINE:, H.G.Wells Soc centenary symposium,
Imperial College, London. Contact: HGW Soc, English Dept, Nene College,
Moulton Park, Northants, NN2 7AL.
30-31 Jul [] BROOMCON, `The Pagan Convention', University of Essex,
Colchester. #15 reg. 39 Henniker Rd, Ipswich, Suffolk, IP1 5HF. Possible
reduced rates for familiars.
13-14 Aug [] UFO RESEARCH CENTRE CONFERENCE. Contact (SAE) 30 Stonebridge
Ct, Lings, Northampton, NN3 8LY.
24-8 Aug [] The Scottish Convention (Worldcon), SECC, Glasgow. #90 reg,
#100 at door. NO ADVANCE MEMBERSHIPS AFTER 22 JULY. Contact Intersection,
Admail 336, Glasgow, G2 1BR. Steve Green is `resurrecting the "quotecard"
concept' for this event, and invites witty one-line contributions (with
sources) by 1 Aug: 33 Scott Rd, Olton, Solihull, B92 7LQ. Only _one_ more
_Ansible_ left before D-Day and Haggis-Hour.... But: `We have now passed
4000 attending members!' belches Vince Docherty ecstatically.
22-4 Sep [] 6TH FESTIVAL OF FANTASTIC FILMS, Sacha's Hotel, Manchester.
GoH Roger Corman. #45 reg: cheques to `Society of Fantastic Films'.
Contact 95 Meadowgate Rd, Salford, Manchester, M6 8EN.
21-3 Jun 96 [] FIRST INTERNATIONAL DISCWORLD CON. Venue: `England'.
Author and artist GoHs: guess who? #17.50 reg to 31 Dec. Contact (SAE)
P.O. Box 3086, Chelmsford, CM1 6LD.
26-7 Oct 96 [] WHO'S 7 (_Dr Blake_ con), Ashford International Hotel,
Ashford, Kent. #40 reg to 31-5-96. Contact 10 Fillebrook Hall, Fillebrook
Road, Leytonstone, London, E11 1AG.
_Rumblings_ [] INTERVENTION (Eastercon 97) suffered the traditional Curse
of Wincon: `Robert Silverberg has had to drop out -- he believed Easter
was at another date, which would have been just fine. At the _right_ date
for Easter, however, he had already agreed to do something else....' [HL]
[] ARMAGEDDON FIREWORKS: this traditional event (1 Jul) went noisily well
despite `a faulty multi-shot roman candle battery exploding in all
directions.... Unfortunately, the crew was less than amused by a _Reading
Weekend Post_ report attributing the entire planning and organization of
the display to Martin Hoare.' [GS]
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
SINCERE FLATTERY OF THE DAMNED. The appearance of MGM's remake of
_Village of the Damned_, based on John Wyndham's _The Midwich Cuckoos_,
persuaded fabled Thai author S.P.Somtow to spill some beans about _Kawao
Ti Bangphleng_ -- that is, _The Cuckoos of Bangphleng_ by Thailand's
erstwhile prime minister M.R.Kukrit, a Thai-language novelist of some
note. Kukrit seemingly pinched almost the entire plot of Wyndham's book,
transplanting it to a Thai village and changing the ending a bit (the
novel twist is that the alien kids are nobbled by Earthly bacteria;
subsequently, in a fit of Buddhist acceptance and tranquillity, they
decide to go `home' via UFO). Unfortunately, the Thai film industry's
first real assault on the international market was to be an adaptation
of the Kukrit novel....
C.O.A. ETC. _Brian Burgess_, Oak Hill House, Eady Close, Horsham, Sussex,
RH13 5LZ -- a permanent move to a nursing home; cards and fanzines still
appreciated. [] _John Dallman_ (temporary), c/o EDS Unigraphics, Parker's
House, 46 Regent Street, Cambridge, CB2 1DB. [] _Phil Greenaway_, c/o 1
Twelfth Ave, Galon Uchaf, Merthyr Tydfil, Mid-Glam, S.Wales. [] _Lesley
& Naveed Khan_ `are happy to announce the birth of our daughter, Ila
Elspeth Khan.' (On 3 July -- congrats!) [] _Cherry Wilder_, Behring Str
5, 65191 Wiesbaden, Germany.
OLD MONEY. After nearly four years of heroic accountancy, I.Clark,
Liquidator of Newsfield Ltd (remember _Fear_? _GMI_?), has scraped
together some #200,000 of assets, awarded himself a meagre #30,000 fee,
and paid off creditors at 8.87p in the pound. I am having my generous
#17.72 cheque framed....
RANDOM FANDOM. _Piotr Cholewa_ gloats that he won the Polish Translators'
Association award, popular fiction category, for his brain-bursting task
of rendering _The Colour of Magic_ into Polish. [] _Jacks Edwards_, good
lady of famous publisher _Malcolm_, was overheard at a party bewailing
her struggle to find a reasonably priced hotel not too far from The
Scottish Convention site. Listeners were puzzled: surely HarperCollins
could run to a room in the main hotel? `Yes, of course,' said she. `But
this is for the nanny.' [] _Dave Langford_ whinges that editors at _SFX_
magazine, trying to make him seem more knowledgeable and in touch with
the genre, like to change the odd Langfordian mention of `sf' to `sci-
fi'. [] _Roger Robinson_ reached the final round of the `15 To 1' TV
quiz, but just missed eternal glory (he came second). A collection of his
finest answers is expected soon from Beccon Publications. [] _Yvonne
Rousseau_ reports a visitor's alarm when, after consuming `Anzac Biscuits
flavoured with a hint of the Australian bush', he turned the packet over
to learn what this flavoursome hint might be, and found the prominent
words `EMU BOTTOM'.... [] _Alan Stewart_ marvels: `the latest
Intersection PR lists Alan Stewart, Zev Sero and Cathy Kerrigan as
Austrians! Here we are trying to lift the profile of Australian fandom
by joining all these foreign conventions, and....' [] _D.West_ has
submitted some strange designs for BSFA t-shirts, and modestly observes:
`I can't see anybody paying money unless they're at a convention and
fairly well pissed too. But what do I know? People buy all kinds of
rubbish.'
CLARKE AWARD JUDGES for 1995's sf novels are ... _BSFA:_ Steve Jeffery,
David Langford. _SF Foundation:_ Dr David Seed, Ian Watson.
_International Science Policy Foundation, Whatever This Might Be:_ Maggie
McDonald of _New Scientist_, Maurice Goldsmith. (Administrator: Paul
Kincaid, 60 Bournemouth Road, Folkestone, Kent, CT19 5AZ.)
IT'S THE ARTS! _Cherry Wilder_ wraps things up: `The most philistine
comments on Christo and his wife wrapping the Reichstag came from merry
old England. The big wrap was a neat Happening; the old Imperial pile
looks 200% better wrapped; a class of school-leavers in Kronberg were
inspired, and wrapped their school in blue plastic.... Isn't the Albert
Memorial crying out to be wrapped? A Foreign Correspondent -- who recalls
those dear, distant days when Christo wrapped up Little Bay in New South
Wales to roars of "_A child of four could have done it!_" -- brings to
the attention of independent wrappers _(a)_ the tomb of Karl Marx in
Highgate Cemetery, and _(b)_ the statue of Peter Pan in Kensington
Gardens.' (In fact Britain's notoriously avant-garde authorities had the
Albert Memorial wrapped years ago, evidently by a child of four.)
PUBLISHERS AND SINNERS. _HarperCollins_ launched an exciting, shit-hot
new imprint called Voyager (presided over by Jane Johnson), which to the
unaided eye seems indistinguishable from the old HC sf/fantasy list. []
_Corgi_ are zeroing in on Robert Rankin's audience, i.e. drunks, by
pushing _The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived_ as a cross-promotion with
a beer company. [] _The Bookseller_'s Sarah Broadhurst does snap
assessments of paperbacks: thus, of Robert Jordan, `The fans hunger for
him but he still needs lifting' -- possibly not a reference to the
author's alleged chair-crushing immensity or the 1,056-page slab which
is his upcoming paperback.... Likewise Charles de Lint's `covers have
done a lot to lift him, but not enough'; while of Stephen Laws the keen
insight is, `I haven't read this either but he is very good.' [CP]
UPDATES. _Paul Williams_'s horrific bike-crash injuries (see _A95_) are
responding well to treatment: `Much to my astonishment and delight, Paul
showed up at [the] American Booksellers Association convention, looking
somewhat fragile but quite well. He is up and around, under doctors'
orders to wear a bicycle helmet, since there is an open place in his
scalp from the brain surgery (eventually, the doctors will put a plastic
plate there). He seemed very much himself, memory, mood, and personality
intact.' [DN] [] _Diana Wynne Jones_ `thanks all those (too numerous to
list) who signed her "get well soon" card, which arrived on a Low
hospital day and was greatly appreciated. So Low was the day that she
spent ALL MORNING (which in hospital starts around 6am) gradually reading
the card.... She's much better now, almost up to reading whole books.'
[CB] [] _Hugo Ballot:_ under NOVELLA, Michael J.Flynn (as faithfully
reproduced in _A94_) should be Michael _F_.Flynn.
20 YEARS AGO. `How about a new definition of science fiction? It's about
things going wrong.' (Brian Aldiss, _Vector 69_, Summer 1975.)
_THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF FANTASY ART TECHNIQUES_ by Ron Tiner and John Grant
has been `fucked over something rotten by asinine editorial decisions at
Quarto,' confided JG impartially -- though `Quarto are now acting a bit
more sanely as a result of notoriously stroppy Grant becoming notoriously
stroppy.' One merry moment: `For the section on sf hardware, David Hardy
was asked to do work-up sketches towards a final piece; so he chose a
really stunning picture of his and did "preliminary" sketches and
blueprints to go with it. When he delivered this extremely interesting
set, he mentioned what he'd done -- and was promptly told that while he'd
be paid for the sketches etc, there was nothing left in the budget for
Artwork That Has Not Been Done Specially. Well, he said, pay me out of
the Artwork That _Has_ Been Done Specially budget -- I won't tell if you
don't. Nope: not allowed....' The finished artwork being essential for
the rest to make sense, DH offered his solution: he'd `repaint it, and
charge his standard fee of _n_ hundred pounds. Sudden budgetary rethink
at Quarto!' The official position is now `he's changed it a bit', so they
can permit themselves to pay up....
Thog's Masterclass. `Vivia herself was a woman. Not only physically, as
of course was Lilliot, but psychosomatically.' (Tanith Lee, _Vivia_,
1995) [PK] [] `Arias plunged his blue-grey regard into hers.' (Anne Gay,
_To Bathe in Lightning_, 1995) `I _think_ this means he stared into her
eyes' -- A.Mole.
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
To receive _Ansible_ monthly via e-mail, send a message with the
single word "subscribe" (no quote marks) to:
ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
Please send a corresponding "unsubscribe" to resign from this list if
you weary of it or are about to change e-addresses; don't send such
requests to me, as I don't maintain the list.
BACK ISSUES AVAILABLE:
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Gopher: gopher://gopher.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Web: http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Ansible
(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
@TITUDES
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
International Discworld con, discworld@cmacloed.demon.co.uk
Colin Fine, C.J.Fine@bradford.ac.uk, warns that this e-address will
shortly cease to exist ... eCoA to follow.
Intervention (Eastercon 1997), interven@pompey.demon.co.uk
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
The Scottish Convention, intersection@smof.demon.co.uk
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent),
s#alanjs@eduserv.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
Who's 7, lexin@cix.compulink.co.uk
THE PATH TO THE NEST OF SPIDERS
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~simon/evolve/
Laurie Mann's interesting sf/fan links,
http://www.lm.com/~lmann/hot/sf.html
Navegante, `a new sf mag' ed. Jorge Forte (I haven't checked what
language it's in!), http://naveg.fcaglp.unlp.edu.ar
The Scottish Convention, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/intersection
Worldcon bids round-up by Chaz Baden (changed),
http://sundry.hsc.usc.edu/hazel/www/bids/bids.html
Worldcons ditto,
http://sundry.hsc.usc.edu/lacon3-info/www/worldcons.html
YOUR CHANCE OF INFAMY. The first 30-odd _Ansible_s still don't exist
in electronic form. Having run out of suckers prepared to type entire
issues, I now invite volunteers who can face keying in just one page
(preferably both sides) and e-mailing the result to me. Usual tawdry
rewards of glory and immortality offered....
THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION had a little glitch regarding the Art Show
deadline: PR6, giving a final date of 12 June, has yet to reach
certain remote and far-flung fans in (chiefly) Britain. Aspiring
artists who get _Ansible_ by e-mail may just have time to register by
contacting Caroline Mullan on 70630.522@compuserve.com by the extended
deadline of Saturday 8 July. (Follow-up paperwork is needed by the
16th.)
Ansible 96 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to Paul Barnett,
Chris Bell, Moshe Feder, Steve Green, Paul Kincaid, Heidi Lyshol, Alex
McLintock, Debbie Notkin, Greg Pickersgill, Chris Priest, Maureen
Kincaid Speller, Gary Stratmann, and our Hero Distributors: Janice
Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget
Wilkinson (FATW).
6 July 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 97
AUGUST 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Cartoon: D.WEST. Available for SAE or large, chilled, alcoholic drinks.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
DISCLAIMER: apparent lies, libels, errors and insults are merely symptoms
of your editor's imminent death from heatstroke....
### STANDS SCOTLAND WHERE IT DID? ###
BRIAN ALDISS, having modestly called our attention to who wrote the text
in the Royal Mail's H.G.Wells philatelic presentation pack, announces a
new campaign: `to persuade the R.M. to produce a Mary Shelley stamp in
two years' time -- preferably without using Boris Karloff as a cultural
totem.'
PAUL BARNETT offers updates: `Your coverage of the new Voyager imprint
is matched by that in _Publishing News_, whose anonymous columnist
displays a deep knowledge of the field. "Indeed new talent is strongly
represented. Pat Cardigan _[sic]_ ... Certainly one quality of the genre
is that the writing is invariably of a high order _[an assertion which
caused John Clute to collapse in strong hysterics]_ ... Undoubtedly
Ballard's _Empire of the Sun_ was a turning point _[in the general
acceptance of sf]_." The article backs up its feisty evangelization of
sf/fantasy as true literature by lip-smackingly describing some upcoming
goodies. The novelization of the movie _Johnny Mnemonic_. The
novelizations of _The X-Files_. The novelizations of Gerry Anderson's
_Space Precinct_. And, er, that's it. [] Poor Jane Johnson.
Professionally she must be delighted by the splash coverage. Personally
she must be tearing her hair out.'
STEVE BROWN pooh-poohs my trepidation about his posh mag _SF Eye_: `As
to the _Eye_'s awesome standards, I have been trying for some time to
_lower_ those standards. I want _SFE_ to be the people's mag, where they
can sit back on the sofa, grunt, scratch their hairy chest through a
dirty T-shirt, pop the top from a cheap can of beer and begin to read.'
ROALD DAHL remains controversial despite being dead: July saw an abortive
attempt to ban his books from the elementary school syllabus in Virginia,
for `glorifying dangerous and disrespectful behaviour in children'. [MMW]
GREG EGAN won the John W.Campbell Memorial Award (the _other_ JWC award)
for his spiffy novel _Permutation City_.
LAURENCE JAMES was rushed to hospital in July with critical kidney
failure, cause still worryingly unknown. [CP]
KATHARINE KERR is chastened: `I've just had a card from a fan denouncing
me for the "appalling lack of a new Deverry novel" this year. He went on
to imply that I'm doing this for the crassest of reasons, i.e., to pump
up sales next year. "Just like Eddings did," he goes on to say. Surely
not.... I thought I'd reassure him and any one else wondering or hoping
if I've finally shut up that actually I've had one of the worst years of
my life for personal disasters. Money does not enter into this except for
my wishing I had the advance on-acceptance payment for the as yet
unwritten _Red Wyvern_. Things are looking up, though, and eventually I
really will finish the last part of the sequence as promised.' (We need
to know whether the postcard was written in green ink and `SINED IN BLUD'
-- these are important matters of etiquette.)
PAUL J.MCAULEY gurgles distantly, `Here's a candidate for Thog's
Masterclass; our hero seems to have unusual physiological reactions to
stress: "Moh heard the sound of blood draining from his head, like a
faraway waterfall." From Ken MacLeod's _The Star Fraction_. Of course,
_my_ books are probably riddled with this stuff, but I'm fed up after
having had to plough through this "thriller" and want revenge ha ha!'
PETER WESTON can't get on with _Interzone_ ... `Having seen some recent
issues, including the one edited by Charles Platt, explains the steady
decline of the magazine's readership. The future looks greyer, more
dismal than ever, as numbers drop to the fanzine levels. The old itch
remains, to see if a really exciting sf magazine could actually start to
_sell_ once again: after all, the BRE _Astounding_ did 25-30,000/month
for 20 years!' (But did it have racks and racks of sf/fantasy novels to
compete with? Mr Pringle, I am assured, remains Vibrantly Optimistic.)
PHILIP G.WILLIAMSON rang to seek advice: was it a social gaffe to phone
Pauline Morgan (`I got the number from my editor') and point out an error
in her _Fantasy Review_ coverage of his world-famous _Heart of Shadows_?
Why had nice Chris Morgan hung up on him? Then irate Pauline Morgan rang
me to demand the public crucifixion of whichever Legend editor handed out
confidential phone numbers and thus encouraged pained calls at
inconvenient times on hot days. (Come to think of it, _my_ number is
supposed to be ex-directory....)
### CONDAMINE ###
11-13 Aug [] NEXUS (_Trek_/sf), Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza, Bristol. #35
reg (less for 1/2 days only); no more advance bookings. Contact 26 Milner
Rd, Horfield, Bristol, BS7 9PQ.
13-14 Aug [] UFO RESEARCH CENTRE CONFERENCE. Contact (SAE) 30 Stonebridge
Ct, Lings, Northampton, NN3 8LY.
18-20 Aug [] PORTMEIRICON, 18th annual _Prisoner_ con, Portmeirion, North
Wales. Contact Six of One, PO Box 66, Ipswich.
18-20 Aug [] PRECURSOR, Hertfordpark Hotel, Stevenage: pre-Worldcon
`fannish relaxacon' party. Contact 144 Plashet Grove, East Ham, London,
E6 1AB.
23 Aug [] BSFA MEETING CANCELLED for Caledonian reasons.
24 Aug [] Some backstreet fannish outfit called Microsoft urges in very
expensive ads worldwide: `don't plan on spending the entire day at the
53rd world science fiction convention in glasgow, scotland.' Will this
inability to use the shift key (except for `Microsoft') provoke a
wrathful response from the WSFS Mark Protection Committee? [SB]
24-8 Aug [] The Scottish Convention (Worldcon/Eurocon), SECC, Glasgow.
#100 at door; _no more advance memberships_. Contact Intersection, Admail
336, Glasgow, G2 1BR. Mere weeks and, in theory, no more _Ansible_s
before It All Happens.... Late July saw a frenzied remailing of British
Hugo ballot forms as it emerged that an estimated 10-20% of UK _PR6_
packets had been devoured by postal gremlins; the Hugo deadline was
dynamically extended to 3 August.
1-3 Sep [] LIGHTSPEED '95 (_Trek_ etc), Hilton International Hotel,
Leeds. #35 reg. Contact 16 Bramwell St, Eastwood, Rotherham, S.Yorks, S65
1RZ.
28 Sep - 1 Oct [] BOUCHERCON 25 (World Mystery Con), Royal Moat House
Hotel, Nottingham. GoH Colin Dexter, James Elroy. #55 reg. Cheques to
Conference Nottingham, Business Info Centre, 309 Haydn Rd, Nottingham,
NG5 1DG.
5-8 Apr 96 [] EVOLUTION (Eastercon), Radisson Edwardian Hotel, nr
Heathrow. Lots of fabulous guests whom I forget. #24 reg. Contact 13
Lindfield Gdns, Hampstead, London, NW3 6PX.
28-31 Mar 97 [] INTERVENTION (Eastercon), Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool. _New
GoH list:_ B.Aldiss, D.Langford and, now, Octavia Butler and John Bing.
#20 reg; cheques now to `Intervention'. Contact 12 Crowsbury Close,
Emsworth, Hants, PO10 7TS.
_Rumblings_ [] _Colin Fine_ offers an Alternative Attraction, 28 Aug -
2 Sep, Greyfriars Kirk House, Candlemaker Row, Edinburgh, 1:30pm: _The
Hunting of the Snark_ by Lewis Carroll, adapted/directed by CF. #5/#3.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
CHANNEL 4's invitation to a press launch for their imminent `Sci-Fi
Weekend' indicated profound respect for the genre of Mary Shelley and
H.G.Wells: `Channel 4 hits Warp Factor Nine this August bank holiday with
a celebration of the weird and wonderful world of science fiction. This
outlandish weekend will unzip the anorak and explore ...' At this point,
passing up the chance to `Mingle with Daleks, Cylons, Klingons, & Ewoks',
your reporter made an excuse and left.
SAVOY BOOKS are still enmeshed in legal toils: on 19 July, after a 5-day
hearing in Manchester, stipendiary magistrate Janet Howard rejected all
defence arguments and decided that 4,000 police-seized Savoy comics
(copies of _Lord Horror 1-2_, _Hard Core Horror 1-5_ and _Meng & Ecker
1-3_) were (a) obscene, and (b) had no literary or artistic merit that
might support a `public good' defence. The Savoy chaps stress the `anti-
Nazi' thrust of the comics, and are also grumpy about `the Solicitor
General's assurance that these sort of summary proceedings would not be
instituted if publishers expressed a preference for trial by jury' --
which Savoy did, only to be refused.
RANDOM FANDOM. _John Bangsund_ mourns: `It is my melancholy duty to
inform you that Dylan, the only Australian cat mentioned by name in the
50th annish of _Amazing SF_ (June 1976, p129), died on 10 July, aged
almost 21.' [] _Ethel Lindsay_ boggles: `Over 4,000 members at The
Scottish Con has me well overawed. No wonder they need such a big
committee. A far cry from the Worldcon in London [1965] which had a
committee of 5 ... Ella Parker, Peter Mabey, Jim Groves, Keith [Otter?]
and myself. Fred Parkes was honorary teamaker. Ella and Fred now dead,
Jim Groves married in New York, and Peter still faithfully attends cons,
whilst I only appear at Novacons. [Intersection] will be my last
appearance at a big con....' [] _Greg Pickersgill_ had an exciting time
getting Brian Burgess's sf collection ready to be sold off: `the dust and
rubbish on the books has given me a really severe respiratory problem
that actually had me thinking serious things like Ambulances, Hospitals
and Death more than once during the sorting process.' [] _Peter Roberts_,
from the distant glades of the advertising world, confirms that his
abandoned 1977 TAFF trip report has two unpublished chapters besides the
eight published (`I spent a couple of months touring around, so the whole
thing would have been 30+ chapters, or something equally foolish.') The
existing material is enough to warrant a collected edition, if.... []
_D.M.Sherwood_ threatened me with kneecapping and worse for having
embezzled his _Ansible_ SAEs; it was all quite tense and paranoid here
until our wonderful Royal Mail returned the packet he'd unerringly sent
to 20 London Road, Reading.
PUBLISHERS & SINNERS. More razor-sharp paperback critiques from _The
Bookseller_'s Sarah Broadhurst! Bruce Bethke, _Headcrash_: `I like the
shout line: "The laptop novel with the seedy-romp drive."' Storm
Constantine, _Stalking Tender Prey_: `Signet is ultra-keen on this 688-
page extravaganza, which is the first of a trilogy, and is speaking of
an "English Anne Rice".' (Will Storm sue?) Michael Moorcock, _Blood_: `It
has been three years since his last new fantasy, so this will be good.'
C.O.A. _Mike Cheater_, 42 Elm Grove, Southsea, Portsmouth, Hants, PO5 1JG
(`The solicitors gave me details of the property going back to 1850 and
it looks likely that this is the site where H.G.Wells did his
apprenticeship as a draper....'). _Simon R.Green_, 40 St Laurence Rd,
Bradford-on-Avon, Wilts, BA15 1JQ. _Rob Meades & Alice Kohler_, 7 Vern-
ham Rd, Weeke, Winchester, Hants, SO22 6BP. _TAFF_ US administrator is
now _Dan Steffan_, 3804 S 9th St, Arlington, VA 22204, USA ... who will
be passing among us this very month.
CLARKE AWARD submissions begin to arrive.... NEL try to cover all bases
with a stack of 10 books, from well-regarded stuff like Robert Charles
Wilson's _Mysterium_ to W.A.Harbinson's terrible UFO tat in _Phoenix_;
HarperCollins pin their hopes on Steve Baxter's _The Time Ships_ and
Ringpull on the inevitable Jeff Noon _Pollen_; Bloomsbury offer the first
surprise item with Gene Brewer's debut novel _K-PAX_, seemingly a sort
of `Man Who Fell To Earth (Or Did He?) Gets Psychoanalysed'....
HARLANWATCH. _Malcolm Edwards_ gleefully passes on a _Publishers Weekly_
ad explaining that Harlan Ellison's new collection _Slippage_, though
scheduled for this month, will be delayed for an unknown period to allow
New Stuff to be included.... `Tee hee,' quoth Malcolm. `Did he know that
"slippage" is the term we use for books which have to be postponed? Can
it be a hoax?' [] _George Alec Effinger_ remarked at the recent NASFiC
opening ceremony that this was the 25th anniversary of his first ever
sale ... and, being persistently heckled by a co-guest, threatened:
`Harlan, if you don't shut up, I'm going to tell everyone what that first
sale was _to_!' Collapse into silence of _Last Dangerous Visions_
editor.... [] _Paul Wrigley_ reminisces, `My favourite Ellison non-book
is his Bibliography, hawked by him at the Portland Westercon in 1984. To
be published within the year. I foolishly bought a copy!'
DUFF. Down Under Fan Fund nominations are open, for the trip from Down
There to LACon III in 1996. Candidates need 3 Australasian and 2
N.American nominators by 31 Oct. Administrators: Alan Stewart, PO Box
222, World Trade Centre, Melbourne, Vic 3005, Australia; Pat & Roger
Sims, 34 Creekwood Sq, Cincinnati, OH 45246, USA.
TEN YEARS AGO. _J.G.Ballard_ caused fans to worry that the J stood for
Jerry after all: `I want _more_ nuclear weapons! ... I want my own cruise
missile at the bottom of my garden.' (_Ansible 44_, 1985)
MARKETRY. _Garth Spencer_ sends his `Electronic Scrapbook', a survey of
US/UK/Canadian/Aussie sf/fantasy/horror markets (including small press)
on IBM disk, updated quarterly; over 900k in plain text files; $10 US.
Stop Press, PO Box 15335, VMPO, Vancouver, BC, Canada V6B 5B1.
WEIRD TALES. _Stu Shiffman_ passes on an anecdote about the `Darwin
Awards', said to be given posthumously to people who improve the human
gene pool by killing themselves in memorably cretinous ways. A strong
contender this year was deduced by the US Arizona Highway Patrol from a
mass of smouldering metal embedded in a roadside cliff -- looking like
a plane crash but proving to be the remains of a Chevy Impala. Lab
reconstruction: the late driver was a speed enthusiast who had enhanced
his car with a solid-fuel JATO rocket (as used in heavy military
transport planes to boost takeoff on short runways), found a nice long
straight stretch of road, got up to speed, fired the JATO ... and
subsequently, with the brakes burned out of existence by failed efforts
to slow down, encountered a slight curve at 250-300mph. Gulp.
HAZEL'S LANGUAGE LESSONS: Bislama. _kakae_ ... 1 food, meal, 2 staples,
3 feast, 4 celebration, 5 fruit of tree that is bearing, 6 favourite
indulgence, 7 to eat, 8 to bite, 9 to chew, 10 (of fire) to burn up, 11
(of fuel) to use, 12 (of clothes) to chafe, 13 to speak fluently;
_k.bolet_ to get shot; _k.frut_ to get what is coming to one; _k.han_ to
get punched; _k.kalabus_ to receive a prison sentence; _k.kan_ to
practise cunnilingus; _k.kok_ to practise fellatio; _k.maot_ to kiss with
open mouth; _k.tut_ 1 to gnash one's teeth, 2 to clench one's teeth, 3
to get punched in the mouth. [KL]
SF PROPHECIES. Apt name for fiendish villain in a context of
communications media: Murdoch. (George O.Smith, _Venus Equilateral_,
1947.)
BOOMERANG ATTACK! _Peter Nicholls_'s bit in _A96_ provoked frenetic
response. _Nitpickers Anonymous_ insisted that `Nicholls's gong wasn't
a special Atheling award, it was a special committee award by those
running Thylacon.' _Marc Ortlieb_'s correction went, `I never would have
muttered "Who is that mad old fart?" with reference to Peter Nicholls.
I know exactly who the mad old fart is. He's the loud and inconsiderate
bastard who smokes foul smelling cigars at social events....' _Andrew
Porter_ was pissed off by PN's self-description as `Australia's Andy
Porter', to which Peter responds: `All I meant was that both he and I at
one time were given committee awards (his a Hugo, mine an Atheling) when
the nicest thing would be a fairer run at the award itself, and not a
committee substitute, however well meant. Since then Andrew has amply
confirmed his status with two successive Hugos.... But I can see that my
remark could be construed by Andy as offensive, and I apologize to him.
All I meant was to include Andrew in the fellowship of those who have
felt justifiably pissed off at award systems, and then embarrassed by the
gift of a nice present from the committee. But my sardonic tone, meant
to be joky, made it come out looking bitchy. I have nothing against
Andrew, well, only one thing. He recently published my photo in _SFC_ and
labelled it Damien Broderick. I don't see why Damien should be given
credit for my outstanding beauty.' _(Slightly cut -- Ed.)_
ROB HOLDSTOCK MONUMENT SCHEDULED. Seen on a hoarding: `On this site a
block-long erection will arise.' [GS]
GREAT LANGFORDS IN FICTION. `A right crabbit bastard was Langford. Once
he'd excluded me from a debate because I couldn't tell'm where the US
Seventh Fleet (or was it the Sixth?) was foregathered. "The planet's
supreme bastion of sea power and you haven't a clue where it is!" he'd
raved. "Out! Go on -- bugger off!"' (Jeff Torrington, _Swing Hammer
Swing!_, 1992) Wholly unsolicited research: John Bark.
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
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Search the web archive,
http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/scripts/global/kidofwais.pl/Ansible
(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
THIS & TH@
_Attitude_, Attitude@bitch.demon.co.uk
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
BSFA general discussion list ... ask informally to be joined:
terran@cityscape.co.uk
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), bmh@ee.ic.ac.uk
Rev. Lionel Fanthorpe, 100623.740@compuserve.com
Intervention (Eastercon 1997), interven@pompey.demon.co.uk
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
Precursor, avedon@cix.compulink.co.uk
The Scottish Convention, intersection@smof.demon.co.uk
_SF Eye_/Steve Brown, eyebrown@pipeline.com
Pat & Roger Sims (DUFF), 73473.2247@compuserve.com
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent; DUFF),
s_alanjs@eduserv.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
Late DUFF nominations can be e-mailed (see just above for
administrators' addresses) to meet the 31 Oct deadline, but a signed
paper copy should follow by post.
THE SPIDER BITES BACK
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~simon/evolve/
Laurie Mann's interesting sf/fan links,
http://www.lm.com/~lmann/hot/sf.html
The Scottish Convention, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/intersection
Science Fiction Foundation Collection,
http://www.liv.ac.uk/~asawyer/sffchome.html
_The Skeptic_ magazine (UK),
http://www.cs.man.ac.uk/aig/staff/toby/skeptic.html
Worldcon bids round-up by Chaz Baden,
http://sundry.hsc.usc.edu/hazel/www/bids/bids.html
Worldcons ditto,
http://sundry.hsc.usc.edu/lacon3-info/www/worldcons.html
NEW TYPOS FOR OLD. I was boggled by general Internet enthusiasm for
typing in boring old _Ansible_s. All pre-electronic issues are now
assigned for rekeying by bold volunteers: Joe Albert, Karen Babich,
Chaz Baden, Janice M.Eisen, Doug Faunt, Len Hatfield, Marcus Hill, Dan
Hoey, David Kennedy, Philip Johnson, Richard Newsome, Tony Smith, Jan
van 't Ent, Bill Welch, Elizabeth Willey, and Adrian Wontroba. Some of
these splendid people even came back for second helpings....
AVRAMGRAM: `I have prepared a mostly complete preliminary bibliography
of Avram Davidson (_The Phoenix and the Mirror_, _The Adventures of
Doctor Eszterhazy_, etc) and will send a text file to any interested
persons, if they send a note to my e-mail address:
hwessells@reedref.com (Henry Wessells).'
Ansible 97 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to Steve Brown,
Critical Wave, Ken Lake, Chris Priest, Garth Spencer, Martin Morse
Wooster and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan
Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
3 Aug 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 97 1/2
WORLDCON 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. Sorry about the delay in posting this one. DRL]
### STALKING THE WILD TAFF REPORT ###
_The TransAtlantic Fan Fund still magically wafts its democratically
chosen delegates from Europe to North America, and vice versa. Not all
winners have published the once traditional full-length trip report ...
but partial reports also include much nifty material. Here _Ansible
_offers tiny extracts from Great Incomplete Trip Reports (some may yet
be completed). To give the illusion of rigorous research, winners are
listed chronologically with arrows to indicate eastward (>>) or westward
(<<) transatlantic trips. _
1952 << WALT WILLIS. Technically pre-TAFF, but nevertheless the
inspiration for it all. Report: _The Harp Stateside_, 1957.
1954 << VINCE CLARKE. Could not make the trip.
1955 << KEN BULMER. Report: _TAFF Tales_, 1959-61, completed but not
collected. `1. Thorn on the Rose' in _Orion 21_, 1959: `Many of you must
have heard of the rumours that Bulmer was arrested in the States, that
he was sent for a term to Sing-Sing, that the FBI trailed him
everywhere....' _(A police car had stopped him for Pavement Walking in
Cincinnati:)_ `"What're you doing, bub?" [...] The driver was youngish,
obviously swollen-headed over the fact that he wore a uniform and had a
powerful car under his hands, a badge and a) a tommy gun down by his leg.
b) a pistol at his belt. c) a riot gun in the back seat. d) and probably
an H-bomb in a SAC B-52b on call from his car radio. I showed them my
driving licence. The youngster started to tear off each year's licence
as though the thing were a book. "Don't be stupid," I said, or something
even more wounding, and snatched the thing away. He bristled. The older
man at his side said a few quiet words to soothe him down and then
casually, as though exercising Herlock Sholmesian craft, mentioned the
word "English". [...] After that we got on like a house on fire.'
1956 >> LEE HOFFMAN. Declined TAFF trip; travelled privately.
1957 >> BOB MADLE. Report: _A Fakefan In London_, 1976.
1958 << RON BENNETT. Report: _Colonial Excursion_, 1961.
1959 >> DON FORD. Report: _TAFF Baedeker_ (in 2 parts, 1960-1).
1960 << ERIC BENTCLIFFE. Report: _Epitaff_, 1961.
1961 >> RON ELLIK. Report: _The Squirrel's Tale_, 1969.
1962 << ETHEL LINDSAY. Report: _The Lindsay Report_, 1963.
1963 >> WALLY WEBER. Partial report rumoured but not traced.
1964 << ARTHUR THOMSON (ATOM). Report: _Atom Abroad_, 1965.
1965 >> TERRY CARR. `Beyond the Mnemonic Statute of Limitations' in
_Raffles 8_, 1984: `Mike Moorcock introduced himself and insisted on
buying me a pint even though he was in his scuffling days then. We talked
about the time a few years before when he was scripting the British
_Tarzan_ comic book or some such and Tuckerized Dave Rike as one of the
characters; Mike also mumbled and muttered, in that way he had even then,
about London fan and pro factions -- the New Wave was just getting
started in 1965 -- and I never did get straight just who hated whom or
why, except that everyone seemed to hate Charles Platt. _Plus ca
change...._' [] `As a recent TAFF winner wrote to me, it's a "pain in the
ass, remembering the names of all these foreigners"....' [] `All this
happened nearly twenty years ago, in a time few people remember and even
those of us who took part in it find nearly mythic and recall it through
a pint, stoutly.'
1966 << TOM SCHLUCK. Bits in German-language fanzines only?
1968 >> STEVE STILES. Various deranged fragments (with a slight gap
between 1968 and 1984) under the overall title _Harrison Country_.
`Chapter 31, pg 147' in _BSFAN 15_, 1986, claims to be his TAFF speech:
`You're scum! _Scum!_ Every last one of you. You know, as I look out over
your sallow faces I, I ... ack! ack! ... I have to swallow very hard.
There is something quite scabrous about British fandom [...] Decency
... You've heard of decency? Are you even _aware_ of what the word means?
I thought not ... I think that if I were to take that word and inscribe
it on the head of this pin, and take that pin and immerse it in this
pitcher of water and lock the pitcher in this drawer, and perhaps wrap
the whole thing in pliable styrofoam ... why, if that word had sentience
it would scream in outrage! [] You're all damned! Damned and deserving
of those torments; deserving of the red hot gridirons blistering you up
nice and crisp, the pong of sulphur in your nostrils, and you screaming
for mercy but there will be _no_ mercy, for you ... are ... British
fandom!'
1969 << EDDIE JONES. Apparently nothing.
1970 >> ELLIOT SHORTER. Segments in _Locus_ and _Spanish Inquisition._
1971 << MARIO BOSNYAK. Published nothing, mysteriously claiming that if
he did he'd have had to tell the truth and cause offence.
1973 >> LEN & JUNE MOFFATT. _The Moffatt House Abroad_, 1974.
1974 << PETER WESTON. Segments including `Stranger in a Very Strange
Land' in _SF Monthly_, 1974: `Imagine 3,000 science fiction fans packed
into one huge hall; a hotel reputed to possess nearly four miles of
internal corridors; and total receipts of well over a quarter of a
million dollars! Yes, _everything_ is big at an American World Science
Fiction Convention!' [] `"You Dirty Old Man, Asimov," called Ellison from
a dais in the centre of the main hall. "Stand up, Harlan!" retorted
Asimov from the top table, referring to Ellison's modest height.' [] `I
noticed that as a result of the John Norman "Gor" books, slave girls in
chains were particularly abundant this year!' [] `All too soon the next
day, the WorldCon came to an end, its main arteries severed and its life-
blood flowing down the steps of the hotel....'
1976 >> ROY TACKETT, BILL BOWERS (tie; Bowers could not travel). Tackett
published a 4-page summary report in _Sticky Quarters 13_, 1985.
1977 << PETER ROBERTS. 8 chapters of _New Routes In America_.... `2. Big
City Hustle', _Egg 11_, 1978: `Ideally all fans should look thoroughly
remarkable so that it would be simple and straightforward to introduce
them; I could then say, for example, that Suzanne Tompkins was eight foot
tall with green hair, or Gary Farber was the furry bloke with purple ears
and a gold lame eyepatch. No problems then. [...] In fact, of course,
apart from a faintly luminous fannish aura, most fans look almost human.'
[] `5. Freeways and Turnpikes', _Mota 27_, 1979: `American roads go
straight ahead, oblivious of the landscape around them. Even a modern
British motorway looks like a meandering folly beside a US highway. The
Americans must have taken small maps and big rulers and drawn bloody
great lines connecting the cities. Then they simply went out and built
roads where the lines were marked. It didn't matter to them what was
there: valleys, hills, forests, rivers -- they ignored the lot.' [] `7:
SunCon and the Sea Off Miami' in _Gritbin 2_, 1980: `The architect had
apparently conceived the [hotel] as a synthesis of bus station and
barracks, but the decorator had eschewed such utilitarianism and had done
the whole thing up like a backwoods brothel. [] My favourite monstrosity
was a chair outside the lifts near my room. It was massive, high-backed,
covered in red plush, and winged with two elderly nymphs whose sharply-
pointed breasts jutted out so far that they snagged the clothes of
passers-by. I've never seen a chair with dangerous nipples before. I
wouldn't have minded that as a souvenir.'
1979 >> TERRY HUGHES. `Two-Fisted TAFF Tales' portion in _Sticky Quarters
13_, 1985. `_Bam!_ The pool cue slammed into the back of my skull. I
whirled around to face my attacker [...] I'd thought my biggest worry
would be drunken fans pissing on my shoes.....'
1980 << DAVE LANGFORD. _The Transatlantic Hearing Aid_, 1985.
1981 >> STU SHIFFMAN. Published chapter, `A Raffles Lad Abroad or The
Road to Yorcon' in _Raffles 6_, 1982: `It's hell in woman's undies.' []
`"Everyone," he called out at the boarding gate, "this man is being
deported for income tax evasion!" and "Make room -- he's running away
from his four wives!" He's a good buddy....' [] `By spectacular
coincidence, Reading [Berkshire] looks rather "British" to me. I haven't
quite figured out why -- aside from all the Britons and signs in
English.' [] `There had been other sights, like the Town Hall-Library-
Museum. The last had provided a good overview of local history, with
relics of Roman, Saxon, Tudor and later times. Material on Reading Abbey,
stuffed birds and animals, and a collection of Huntley & Palmer biscuit
tins. I can't help it -- I'm an unrepentant history freak.' [] `I read
the _Twll-Ddu_ that Dave had given me. It contained [...] the first
instalment of the Dreaded Langford TAFF report. The filthy swine....'
1982 << KEVIN SMITH. Nothing.
1983 >> AVEDON CAROL. Bit in _Ansible 33_, 1983: `They tell me that
Albacon II was Not So Hot as Eastercons go, organizationally a mess and
all that, but I couldn't tell. I had the good luck to be mostly
unfamiliar with the normal run of local fanpolitics, and I wasn't in on
the gory details, which I must say I found refreshing. [...] I had no
trouble finding the Fanroom, and therefore the fans, which is the main
thing. So as far as I was concerned everything was fine. [...] Must say
I got a bit tired of the same old fish for lunch every day, and breakfast
was too early. I certainly would have preferred a better grade of soft
drink, but the bartender who kept grabbing his crotch supplied an
interesting floorshow. I do wish, however, that D.West would take up a
game which makes a more interesting spectator sport.... And everyone was
really just absolutely triffic and you see if I write my TAFF report
right now it will be all mushy and effusive and even maudlin and not very
funny and -- shit, now I know why no one ever finishes a TAFF report.'
_(The allusion to D.West's domino-playing, at a time when he was denying
he'd stand for TAFF, may hardly seem like sabotage of D.'s 1984
candidacy. But that's how the instigator of the 1984 TAFF wars saw
it....)_
1984 << ROB HANSEN. Published report: _On The Taff Trail_, 1994.
1985 >> PATRICK & TERESA NIELSEN HAYDEN. `Work in Progress' fragments and
one full chapter: `Aspects and Inclinations' in _Hyphen 37_, 1987:
`Another day we drove from Donaghadee up to Portstewart, to have tea with
the Whites, give James his Doc Weir Award, and commit a silly oneshot on
the impressive new White word processor by way of christening it. The
official presentation of the Doc Weir Award was thorough, taking place
six times so that James could be photographed trying to look Naughty with
Teresa while she presented the cup and certificate. Our own snapshots
reveal that neither party has the least talent for visible wickedness;
the photo of James demonstrating Psneeronics is much more striking.
Meanwhile Peggy White laid out lavish quantities of food and
conversation, including a lively reenactment of the time she got stuck
on a programme item debating male _vs._ female superiority. At a loss for
points of feminist theory to argue, she improvised by marching over to
a short member of the opposing team (she's not far shy of six foot),
putting her hand on the top of his head, and announcing, "I, for one,
object to being referred to as The Little Woman!" To her great relief the
point carried the day....'
1986 << GREG PICKERSGILL. Greg intended his report to incorporate other
fans' accounts of his travels. Thus Linda Blanchard in _Scattershot 3_,
1986, sees him interviewed by Ted White: `To the question of how, after
years of speaking out against TAFF and belittling American fandom, he'd
decided to run for TAFF and come over, Greg answered that he'd finally
met some Americans "who weren't as dimwitted as we'd thought. You could
actually hold a conversation with them." There had been some good
Americans over in recent years, like Stu Shiffman, but they were rather
quiet. "And you didn't notice that retiring violet, Avedon Carol, right?"
Ted laughed. "No actually," Greg said, straight faced, "since she spent
most of her time humping Rob Hansen." It was the visit from the Nielsen
Haydens that knocked him silly. Suddenly there were these two quite
interesting fans who just dropped in seeming to know about everything
[...] and Pickersgill hadn't known them at all. Later, at home, he
hauled out all the NH fanzines he'd received over the years and read them
for the first time....' [] `Taffman in Toronto' by Mike Glicksohn in _The
Caprician 4_, 1989: `In order to demonstrate the intensity and sincerity
of his feeling he abruptly left his couch, marched through the front door
of the hotel and threw up against the side of the building.' [] `... a
Damn Fine TAFF delegate.'
1987 >> JEANNE GOMOLL. Portions under the overall title _Always Coming
Home_. `Chapter 2' in _Whimsey 7_, 1992: `Greg said that Scott and I
stood out as obviously American. Was it my backpack? Scott's jean jacket?
Something about the way we moved? There didn't seem to be a huge
difference in the way we dressed, not when you considered each garment,
one at a time. Of course, people heard our American accents and would
know, but even when we were silent, we were recognized. Toward the end
of our trip, Scott and I were riding a train south [...], and Scott
made his way to the rest room down an aisle through a group of young,
male partyers. One guy yelled at the top of his lungs and pointed
directly at Scott, "American!" Scott returned stunned and confused,
wondering how he had betrayed his nationality....' [] `"Whatever you do,"
warned Linda [Krawecke], "don't go on about the cute, little packages in
the stores." [...] A Brit within earshot of an American exclaiming over
the "cute" packages would probably categorize the speaker as a typical
American, obsessed with bigness, wealth and over-indulgence. I figured
it had more to do with the difference between American and Brit
refrigerators....'
1988 << LILIAN EDWARDS & CHRISTINA LAKE. _Lilian_ -- `I have to hang my
head in shame and say I have _never_ written any of my TAFF trip up....'
_Christina_ -- four discontinuous segments including `Voodoo Jambalaya'
in _The Caprician 4_, 1989: `Surely I would find something fabulous in
the dealer's room of a big American convention? Surely it would be an
experience not to be missed? Well, actually, no. I'd seen better
selections of books in some of the stores of San Francisco, newer
American editions at British conventions, more children's fantasy in
Horfield junior library. In fact most of the stalls seemed mainly
interested in selling Star Trek memorabilia or dragon/unicorn jewellery.'
[] `Bill Wagner, a large, amiable American who was feeling a bit morose
because he'd just split with his girl friend, began expounding his theory
on the restoration of virginity. I forget the details, mainly because I
wasn't taking it seriously at the time, but it seemed to involve nuns and
strange popping noises on aeroplanes. "Yes, Bill," I said to keep him
happy (after all, we were planning to crash at his flat in New York).
"Yes, Bill, I'm sure that we'll all get our virginity back some day." But
this seemed to be missing the point....'
1989 >> ROBERT LICHTMAN. Portion in FAPA; privately circulated synopsis;
`Doorway' in _Trapdoor 9_, 1990: `One of the fringe benefits of being a
TAFF delegate is that you can generally move between feuding elements of
the host fandom without rancour on anyone's part. Often I felt like a
Heinleinesque "fair witness" as I spent time with various of the warring
factions and got to hear their respective viewpoints of the battle lines
of British fandom. Preferring mostly to socialize and sightsee, when
interfan hassles were discussed, I usually just listened -- to scope out
for myself (if possible) the truth (ever shifting and often elusive) of
the various positions I'd seen espoused in fanzines. When I occasionally
commented, it was mostly in a general way, trying my best not to take
sides. Sometimes this was challenging....'
1991 << PAM WELLS. Nothing ... or so she _claims_.
1992 >> JEANNE BOWMAN. _The Almost Factual Fan_, condensed reports for
_Ansible_ ... `_Friday_. We must down to the sea -- hustle to
Illumination in time to be identified from the opening audience. "Hello
Jeanne." "Hello Pam." TAFF snapshots panel. 7 people attend, inc. ops
personnel. Hotel room has a gorgeous Irish Sea view, and a peculiar
plaintive wailing with the ocean breezes. _Saturday_. Illumination.
Joseph Nicholas, Green, astonished, watches Greys hoist selves on own
petards in panel debate. Ian Watson draws big crowd for "51st State"
discussion. I assert Puerto Rico first in line for the honour. Brief pang
of homesickness -- where are the dozens of hard boiled eggs to colour?
Haunting Ramsey Campbell reading. Disco sucks. _Sunday_. Illumination.
Pam Wells reveals interest in filking. "Ghosts of Honour" panel -- Don
Herron flawless laconic Willeford, Ian Watson transcendent as Olaf
Stapledon, sly double headed Wm.Burroughs characters and Bob Shaw.
Howling success. Colour Coordinated TAFF Auction. _Monday_. Indian lunch
with the Ramsey Campbells. Peter Atkins and Paul McAuley lasted till they
threw us out at 4pm. Continued illumination with D.West in Keighley.
_Tuesday_. Drag D. to Haworth (he offers to show street corner where
Bronte boy bought dope) and we wuther in the heights....'
1993 << ABIGAIL FROST. One-off fanzine _In Progress_ produced on trip,
plus `The Frost Report' fragments sent to _Ansible_ ... `You left your
heroine at Seattle Zoo, finding a bright orange slug with beautifully
crisp dotted lines on its back (I bet they don't come out in the slide,
though). Seattle turns out to be paradise on Earth. As an estuarine port
with an aviation factory, it is of course the colonial equivalent of
Bristol, but that doesn't quite cover it adequately. Mostly I lotos-ate
(Lebanese meal with le tout Seattle, party at Vonda McIntyre's where I
was billeted in her absence) and shopped (Pike Place Market, Left Bank
Books and the unutterably wonderful Archie McPhee's), but had a healthy
day walking in the foothills of Mt Rainier with Andy Hooper, Carrie Root
and Bill "I tell you it's a gigantic mutant gerbil!" Bodden. Pine martens
chased ground squirrels up trees, marmots (words cannot express how
ridiculous they are, honest) bared their teeth at Andy as he declaimed
fanzine articles to the echoing glade, glaciers crept inexorably
downwards and a chipmunk climbed up my jumper.'
1995 >> DAN STEFFAN. We'll let him finish his trip first. Maybe.
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
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(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
BUY NOW! E-mail Rob Hansen at avedon@cix.compulink.co.uk for up-to-
date details of his TAFF trip report's price and availability. As for
mine, let's call it #4.00 or $6.00 post free. Proceeds to TAFF, of
course. If in the USA, you can send the dollars to Dan Steffan
(address below) and inform me by e-mail.
THOTS. _Ansible_ enjoyed a terrific response when I invited volunteer
typists to key in old issues so all back numbers could be made
electronically available. What next? Listed above are two trip reports
whose publication in one-volume editions would surely be a Good Thing:
Ken Bulmer's (complete, running to 28pp of quarto according to Vince
Clarke) and Peter Roberts's (2 more chapters exist following the 8
that were published; although he stayed in America for months and
would need another 20 chapters to cover all the post-Worldcon
sightseeing and visits to fans, the existing material is a substantial
report as it is). There is a rumour that Paul Skelton may want to do
the Bulmer report unilaterally. What does net fandom think of farming
out the bits of the Roberts _New Routes in America_ for keying-in
(it's nothing like as voluminous as that stack of old _Ansible_s)? The
first benefit would be that we can all read it on line; the second,
that printed copies could be run off and the SCIFI $500.00 bounty for
a published TAFF report collected at last.
STOP PRESS NEWSFLASHES! Peter Roberts has been in touch, is happy for
me to do what I will with his material, offers to send the original
artwork for his self-published chapters....
I have since received the Elliot Shorter chapter from _The Spanish
Inquisition_ (1976) ed. Jerry Kaufman and Suzanne Tompkins, courtesy
of Jerry Kaufman, and located the Roy Tackett and Terry Hughes
segments (in _Sticky Quarters_ ed. Brian Earl Brown) which hadn't been
traced when the first printed edition of this special _Ansible_ was
prepared; a tiny bit from the latter has been squeezed in. And Robert
Lichtman informs me that despite her dubious claims, Pam Wells did in
fact publish one TAFF segment covering post-trip blues: `Depression
Tango' in _Saliromania 6_ ed. Michael Ashley, 1991. Lastly, at The
Scottish Convention itself, Lilian Edwards published a first episode
in her _The Wrong Leggings 3_.
Keep watching the skies!
Ansible 97 1/2 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks for help to
Vince Clarke, Peter Roberts and the `Timebinders' group. Current TAFF
administrators are (Europe) Abigail Frost, 95 Wilmot St, London, E2
0BP, and (NA) Dan Steffan, 3804 S 9th St, Arlington, VA 22204, USA. My
and Rob Hansen's trip reports are still being sold in aid of TAFF: ask
us!
August 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 98
SEPTEMBER 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Cartoon: D.WEST. Available for SAE or infallible Worldcon hangover cure.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
### THE SCOTTISH CONVENTION ###
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times: it was a Worldcon
in the hangar-like halls of the Scottish Exhibition and Conference
Centre, Glasgow. Total attendance: 4,800. All the usual desperate fun
was had, punctuated by endless shuttle-bus and taxi rides between city-
centre hotels and the SECC in its distant post-industrial wasteland amid
car parks approximately the size of Kansas. Few coherent memories remain
-- just a handful of snapshots.
First and saddest: JOHN BRUNNER bustling suavely through the fan area.
A hurried exchange of Hellos and then he's gone forever: a stroke, death
within hours, a flood of memorials and regrets. Numbness spreads. John
would have been hugely tickled by the idea of making his exit at a major
convention ... but not just yet. _Lisanne Norman_ writes: `At 9 minutes
past 5pm on Friday 25 August, while his wife LiYi, my friend Judith and
myself held his hand, John Brunner slipped peacefully away from us. The
end for him was gentle, and he went with what love all three of us could
surround him with. I will never forget him.'
DRUMMERS AND PIPERS ... marching through the SECC concourse and into the
gigantic Hall 4 with its weirdly assorted fannish litter (bouncy castles,
play areas, fast-food stalls, con bidding desks, fanzine tables,
Ukrainians selling trade goods at unbelievable prices, etc, etc) to
launch a lavish opening wine-party financed by Glasgow's grateful
ratepayers.... A partly convincing Nessie features in the parade and
nearly eats Peter Morwood.
SAMUEL R.DELANY (GoH) with a beard more genially patriarchal than ever,
encountered at a HarperCollins celebration mysteriously sited on a moored
Clyde ferry miles from anywhere. He has read my fanzine writings! I
swoon.
IAN AND JUDY WATSON telling of a fire evacuation from the Moat House
Hotel (where showers trigger alarms if you leave the bathroom door open).
`We thought you had to run to the car park in your _pyjamas_!'
gesticulates Ian, `We were the only ones! Everyone else had anoraks and
camo gear!' To make it more interesting, Judy adds: `And of course Ian
had this enormous erection.'
TERRY PRATCHETT magically converting the same fire alert into a 4am
signing session when he encountered a fan carrying (all together now) a
Rare Unsigned Copy. TP's antics with a pop-up dildo during a panel with
Tom Holt remain veiled in diplomacy.
JOHN CLUTE on the _Fantasy Encyclopaedia_ panel, miraculously conveying
his theory of true fantasy's pattern of Wrongness, Thinning and Healing
against near-impossible odds. Problem: the SECC acoustics. `Rooms' are
flimsy, non-soundproofed, roofless enclosures; voices float upward into
murmurous echoing vastness. To use the sound system is to compete with
adjacent rooms: since the entrances face one another, John finds himself
staring down the aisle at his hated sonic rival across the way, who is
Gardner Dozois. Each manically succeeds in drowning out the other. (To
do it properly, the committee explains firmly, would have cost money.)
VINCE CLARKE (FGoH) tucking into frogs' legs under the watchfully sozzled
eye of his self-appointed minder Chuch Harris: `I am here to make sure
he has fun _whether he likes it or not_.'
MICHAEL SWANWICK musing, `I like gratuitous sex and think it has a place
in fiction as well....'
GREG PICKERSGILL (fan area Grubby Eminence) blinking when a mild `Hello'
to Teresa Nielsen Hayden elicits the response `FUCK YOU, PICKERSGILL!'
-- little does he know that seconds earlier, TNH placed a bet with me
that GP would ignore her all weekend....
EVENING FAN PROGRAMME offering Moose TV, Ian Sorensen's play _Dune or The
Sand of Music_, and The Lovely Jackie McRobert (so described on her
visiting cards).
FANFUNDERY ... TAFF's Dan (and Lynn) Steffan, and GUFF's Ian Gunn and
Karen Pender-Gunn, all being jolly good guests.
PETER WESTON fulfilling a ritual Worldcon need by hurling beer over the
most Scientologist-like figure to hand -- in this case, Ted White....
### HUGO CEREMONY ###
Vast crowds filling the Extravaganzas hall amid the usual atmosphere of
sweaty paranoia exuding from nominees whose pose of Total Cool is fast
eroded by delays and minor presentations: BIG HEART award to Ken Slater,
FIRST FANDOM to Jack Speer and Harry Warner Jr; Cordwainer Smith gets a
`Japanese Hugo' (SEIUN AWARD) for the 1961 `A Planet Named Shayol' and
Dan Simmons another for _Hyperion_. Robert Silverberg's spoken memorial
for John Brunner is simple, word-perfect, and causes a four-minute
standing ovation for the late great man. This feels right -- as does the
JOHN W.CAMPBELL award for best new writer, presented to our very own Jeff
Noon.
Then the Hugos proper. FANZINE: shock horror victory of _Ansible_. FAN
ARTIST: Teddy Harvia. (Meanwhile your editor is detained in a Kafkaesque
maze backstage, until -- ) FAN WRITER, me: I can only say,
`Unfortunately, Martin Hoare can't be with us tonight....' SEMIPROZINE:
_Interzone_ -- and suddenly this award's impartial presenter Kim Newman
is leaping gleefully around `like a demented Muppet' as David Pringle
marches to the stage. ARTWORK: _Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book_ by
Brian Froud and Terry Jones. DRAMATIC: _All Good Things_ (_ST:TNG_). PRO
ARTIST: Jim Burns. PRO EDITOR: Gardner Dozois, whose shadow never grows
less. NONFICTION: _I. Asimov: a Memoir_ by the late Himself. SHORT STORY:
`None So Blind' by ever-popular Joe Haldeman. NOVELETTE: `The Martian
Child' by David Gerrold, who with memorable tackiness hauls his young son
on-stage to eulogize him as the Real Martian Child. (A voice says, `He
was worse at the Nebulas.') NOVELLA: `Seven Views of Olduvai Gorge' by
Mike Resnick -- nominated in four categories and thus, in inscrutable US
phrasing, the first person to bat .250 in the Hugos. NOVEL: _Mirror
Dance_ by Lois McMaster Bujold.
And so to wild parties, fireworks, tears, sighs of relief and, all night,
a background throb of gloating from a select few. `I'm still making the
Hugos,' confides artificer Peter Weston, `but basically it's a sideline.'
He adds in doomy tones, `This empowers me to say: _Remember, Langford,
you are but mortal_.' H'mm. Is 11 too many?
### LAST SNAPSHOTS ###
CHRIS PRIEST, bemusedly discovering that his squib _The Book on the Edge
of Forever_ ended up a mere 4 votes behind the Asimov nonfiction Hugo
winner; also that mild-mannered Norman Spinrad carried a commission from
Harlan Ellison to `punch Priest out if he wins'. (`I keep wondering why
I would become _more_ punchable for winning an award I did not canvass,
when the presumed offence remains, irrespective of winning or not
winning? In other words, why didn't Norman belt me one while he had the
chance?' Apparently because, while muttering something non-committal to
placate the great HE, NS has no intention of being silly enough to obey
instructions.)
BALTIMORE, winners of the 1998 Worldcon site selection vote, mercilessly
pursuing their `pirates' bidding theme by naming the convention
`BucConeer'. Oh dearie me. Details: PO Box 1376, Baltimore, MD 21203,
USA.
BALANCED REPORTING: the _Sunday Mail_ attacking nasty anorak-wearing sci-
fi fans in a story headed _Weirdos' Show Is Branded A Rip-Off_. This is
justified by (a) locating a woman who owing to media misrepresentation
has expected a free _Star Trek_ exhibition and doesn't like what she
finds after paying #90; (b) moving on to lengthy descriptions of oddball
fans `looking as though they were on drugs' without finding space to
report that the complainer got a rapid refund.
SCIENCE PROGRAMME organizers groaning that their early and frequent
requests for equipment went astray in the committee's management
labyrinth: nevertheless, despite the maddening proximity of a Live Aliens
promotion playing awful music and sound effects at top volume all too
near the science and fan areas, it is agreed (and endorsed by Mighty Jon
Cowie, Before Whom Mere Fans Tremble) that they do a splendid job.
BOB GUCCIONE of _Omni_ infamy being revealed, on p79 of Dorling
Kindersley's spiffily produced _Science Fiction: The Illustrated
Encyclopaedia_, to look uncannily like me. Separated at birth? `Not my
fault,' ringingly declares compiler John Clute. `This should be worth
lots of publicity in _Ansible_....'
_VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS_, the con newsletter, producing an impressive 15
issues plus many extras (can you spot the unsigned Langford
contributions?). In unwise homage to the Mexicon headline that plunged
hotel relations into war, a squib about booze running out at a
publishers' party is titled SCUM! SCUM! SCUM!. Repeated apologies (`That
wasn't _grovelling_ enough!') are demanded by massed publishers who
threaten the Ultimate Sanction of not paying the bar bill....
TYPO OF THE CONVENTION: Wizards of the Coast, purveyors of expensively
addictive card games, billing themselves in one of their own ads as
`Wizards of the Cost'.
STRANGE FRUIT: Chuch Harris exploring a fruit-bowl in the suite where I'm
holding a post-Hugo sprawl, and finding weird objects covered in thick
blue fur. Fascinated, he pops one between finger and thumb in a gooey red
splatter. A special effect from _Alien_, or a symbol of Intersection's
good things (acoustics excepted) bursting through layers of foreboding?
No, it is an elderly Glasgow strawberry.
THE END. Sore-throated and euphoric, I am toying with a final drink in
the Central Hotel and telling hungover Tony Berry all about last night's
spiffy Indian restaurant meal. Slowly he speaks: `I was there. At the
same table. You twit.' It seems time to leave.... Martin Hoare briefs me
extensively on the horrors of getting massive, rocket-shaped chunks of
metal through airport security: in fact the Glasgow x-ray operator merely
falls around laughing and beckons colleagues with noises of `We've Got
A Right One Here!' The rest is history.
### CONIINE ###
22-4 Sep [] 6TH FESTIVAL OF FANTASTIC FILMS, Sacha's Hotel, Manchester.
#45 reg: cheques to `Society of Fantastic Films'. Contact 95 Meadowgate
Rd, Salford, Manchester, M6 8EN.
28 Sep - 1 Oct [] BOUCHERCON (World Mystery Con), Royal Moat House Hotel,
Nottingham. GoH Colin Dexter, James Ellroy. #55 reg. Cheques to
Conference Nottingham, Business Info Centre, 309 Haydn Rd, Nottingham,
NG5 1DG.
Oct [] FANTASYCON ... has lapsed into oblivion this year.
27-31 Oct [] WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE (horror part of UK Year of
Literature Festival), Swansea. #15 reg. Contact 14 Cae Eithin,
Llangyfelach, Swansea, SA6 6EZ. _British Fantasy Awards & BFS AGM moved
here owing to collapse of Fantasycon._
5-8 Apr 96 [] EVOLUTION (Eastercon), Radisson Edwardian Hotel, nr
Heathrow. Now #28 reg; `very soft currencies #5'. Contact 13 Lindfield
Gdns, Hampstead, London, NW3 6PX.
_Rumblings_ [] INTUITION is a 1998 Eastercon bid: 38 Scotland Rd,
Cambridge, CB4 1QG. [] Grown men pulled their own heads off rather than
imagine the rumoured Worldcon bid CARDIFF IN 2003.
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
RANDOM FANDOM. _Jim Barker_ mutters: `What with bloody computers,
software and clip art, the graphic design area is not what it was and
I've decided to expand the cartoon illustration side of things. (The day
someone develops a program than can emulate Jim Barker style cartoons,
we can all quietly fade away....)' [] _Jon Langford_'s mighty maleness
was in the _Guardian_ `Women' pages (24 Aug): a plaster model clutched
to the bosom of `Cynthia Plastercaster', who collects, er, impressions
of rock stars.... [] _Joseph Nicholas_ was seen in deep trance at his own
pre-con party, captioned `I died in the war for people like you -- give
generously.' Sideshow proceeds went to GUFF.... [] TAFF: ballots
detailing a race between Leo Brett, Pel Torro and John E.Muller may lack
authenticity. Their origin is hinted only in Abigail Frost's eldritch cry
after receiving a vote on this form: `You Bastard, Dave Clark!' She adds:
`The 1996 (westward) race looms. Nomination deadlines to be announced.'
Those wishing a TAFF trip to LAcon should be canvassing nominators now:
3 European, 2 N.American, and no more, please. 95 Wilmot St, London, E2
0BP. [] D.WEST's _Deliverance_ (150pp duplicated A4), comprising his
awesome fanzine writings since 1985, was selling briskly in Glasgow. Now
#9/$25 (no $ cheques) from 17 Carlisle St, Keighley, W.Yorks, BD21 4PX.
Well-written, irritating, meaty, controversial stuff.
C.O.A. _Charles & Cora Burbee_, 46749 Pala Rd, Temecula, CA 92592, USA.
_Tommy Ferguson_, 42 Ava Drive, Belfast, BT7 3DW. _Sally Ann Melia_, 2
Waynflete Street, Earlsfield, London, SW18 3QE.
R.I.P. _Michael Ende_, best known for _The Neverending Story_ (whose
movie version he despised as plastic kitsch), died aged 65 on 28 Aug.
Thog's Masterclass. `The flame's hand flattened the road flat.' (K.W.
Jeter, _Blade Runner 2_) [S] [] `His chuckle seemed to come from below
his belt.' (Nancy Price, _Night Woman_, 1992) [PB]
### JOHN BRUNNER, 1934-1995 ###
CHRIS PRIEST WRITES ...
John Brunner's sudden death at the Glasgow Worldcon came as a profound
shock, but not, sadly, to those who had been in contact with him
recently, a surprise. Every conversation I had with John in the last two
or three years was spiked with his unhappiness, frustration and
disappointment. His health had become intermittently poor, his finances
generally shaky and his career seemed at a low ebb. But in earlier years
he was buoyant. John was the first major sf writer I came to know
personally, and although I often found his company uncomfortable, because
away from home he put on a defensive veneer, I never ceased to admire
him, like him and more often than not love him. Here is what I will
remember of him:
John was a passionate political liberal: he was against the bomb, against
racism, against government oppression, against corruption. Many of us are
too, but John gave up most of his non-writing life to these causes. He
lobbied, marched, wrote songs, joined committees, demonstrated.
He and his first wife Marjorie were constant and loyal friends to me
throughout the break-up of my first marriage. None but the three of us
knew this, and now only I remain.
At home: He had the largest collection of folk and jazz records I have
ever seen. He was a brilliant and adventurous cook, and delighted in
giving his guests gullet-searing soups or palate-teasing delicacies. John
liked fast, open-top cars, enjoyed wine and tobacco, revelled in the
company of women. He loved animals. He enjoyed excruciating people with
his awful and invariably unfunny puns. He was personally generous, giving
freely his hospitality, time and interest.
Professionally: He was a fierce defender of what he understood science
fiction to be -- I once saw him stoutly standing up to a film-company
executive, whose film _Zardoz_ John reckoned to betray all the things for
which sf stood, and who was threatening to drag John outside for a scrap.
His novels were highly readable, fast-moving, professionally executed and
extrovert in style; the best of his serious novels, _Stand on Zanzibar_,
_The Shockwave Rider_, one or two others, are amongst the finest, most
imaginative and best written works in the field (memorial editions must
surely appear?).
I _never_ heard John say anything bitchy or jealous about another writer.
On the contrary, he was supportive and helpful to young writers; at the
same time he always told them the truth about their writing, as he saw
it. (I recall this well.) He had an incisive critical mind, as anyone who
was at a Milford Conference with him will know. He was probably the
widest-read man I have ever met: his house was packed with books, and his
mind was furnished with their contents. John, in his literary-database
role, would delight in showing off his knowledge, always with a playful
edge, often with serendipitous results.
He was a friend, and while the world at large has lost one of its best
and most under-rated writers, our small sf family has lost an
extraordinary, intelligent, erudite and amusing man. Our loss is
terrible.
(Chris Priest)
John Brunner's secular funeral was held at Taunton Deane Crematorium on
Wed 6 Sept, with perhaps 50 in attendance. Following strange Chinese
music, John's widow LiYi Tan Brunner and others (including Chris Bell,
Martin Hoare, Pauline Morgan, Caroline Mullan, and Chris Priest) related
memories of him. Terry Pratchett was also present. [] LiYi asks that
tributes take the form of a donation to Friends of Foundation, c/o 75
Rosslyn Avenue, Harold Wood, Essex, RM3 0RG, marked as a `John Brunner
Memorial' contribution. She hopes for a memorial exhibit as part of the
SF Foundation Library. [] Before the funeral I re-read _The Shockwave
Rider_ (for a memorial appreciation) and _Traveller in Black_ (just
because) ... a rewarding way to remember John. Goodbye.
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
To receive _Ansible_ monthly via e-mail, send a message with the
single word "subscribe" (no quote marks) to:
ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
Please send a corresponding "unsubscribe" to resign from this list if
you weary of it or are about to change e-addresses; don't send such
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BACK ISSUES AVAILABLE:
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Web, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Ansible
Search the web archive,
http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/scripts/global/kidofwais.pl/Ansible
(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
@ HOME
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), bmh@ee.ic.ac.uk
Intervention (Eastercon 1997), interven@pompey.demon.co.uk
Intuition (Eastercon 1998 bid), h.steele@elsevier.co.uk
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent; DUFF),
s_alanjs@eduserv.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
GRAND TARANTULA
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~simon/evolve/
Laurie Mann's interesting sf/fan links,
http://www.lm.com/~lmann/hot/sf.html
Science Fiction Foundation Collection,
http://www.liv.ac.uk/~asawyer/sffchome.html
Worldcon bids round-up by Chaz Baden,
http://sundry.hsc.usc.edu/hazel/www/bids/bids.html
Worldcons ditto,
http://sundry.hsc.usc.edu/lacon3-info/www/worldcons.html
THOSE HUGO SPEECHLETS. No room in the printed edition, but since
people have asked:
_Fanwriter:_ `Unfortunately, Martin Hoare can't be with us tonight. I
know this will be a sad disappointment to those who know and love the
ancient fannish tradition of Martin accepting this Hugo and, every
year, telling his joke. But he _has_ promised to carry out another
part of the ritual by faithfully waking me up to tell me the good news
at four o'clock tomorrow morning. I can hardly wait! Thank you all
very much.'
_Fanzine:_ `I'm trying hard to be embarrassed. There were some damn
good fanzines shortlisted for this year's Hugo, and most of them had
_individual issues_ thicker than a year's worth of _Ansible_. I blame
my unnatural success on the people who do the actual hard work -- so
let's hear it for my distributors. Janice Murray covers North America,
Bridget Wilkinson dominates continental Europe, Alan Stewart blankets
Australia -- and, bravest of all, Martin Tudor hacks through remote
jungles to spread the gospel in the British Midlands. Finally, for the
fan historians out there, thanks to Naveed Khan for making this the
first Hugo-winning fanzine whose complete text comes free on Internet.
Thank you all!'
(Oh dear, Lilian Edwards and Christina Lake -- also Tommy McClellan
and Chris Terran -- are going to kill me. I forgot to mention their
splendid _Timebytes_ fanthology diptych produced for Intersection....
Good stuff, folks.)
Ansible 98 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to Paul Barnett,
Gary Farber, Abigail Frost, Joseph Nicholas, Chris Priest, Simo, Hugo
Voters and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan
Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
7 Sep 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk
ANSIBLE 100
NOVEMBER 1995
From DAVE LANGFORD, 94 London Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 5AU, UK. Fax
01734 669914. ISSN 0265-9816. E-mail ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk.
Cartoon: IAN GUNN. Available for SAE or nice telegram from HM the Queen.
[NET NOTE. Please see the last section for subscribe/unsubscribe
information: such requests should NOT be sent to my personal e-mail
address. DRL]
LOOKING BACKWARD. Once upon a time in 1979, Peter Roberts decided to
terminate his famed UK sf/fan newsletter _Checkpoint_ at issue 100. His
slanlike tendrils combed the ether for a sucker and, after a confused
interval well laced with beer, I found myself taking over with _Ansible
1_ at the 1979 Worldcon. This had the traditional first-issue defect of
containing no news.... Years passed in a blur of being told by kindly
fans, `It's not as good as _Checkpoint_' -- until the shock of
_Ansible_'s 1987 Hugo (and overextended subscription list) led to sudden
collapse:
`_Ansible_ passed away peacefully somewhere in the war-torn aftermath of
the 1987 Worldcon. In its best years, whenever they were, it was
generally agreed that this fanzine had done great things for semicolons.
Indeed, the entire cyberpunk movement is clearly influenced by the
seminal production values of issue 2/3 (a testament to the artistic
effect of runny duplicator ink on shiny paper). Later, though, there came
a decline. After major bypass surgery to the colophon, the sadly self-
indulgent _Ansible 666_ concerned itself entirely with flatulent
discussions about the protocol of stapling fanzines (`My teeth gritted,
and the stapler went _spung_.'). The final, posthumous issues were so
rambling, ill-written and ineptly edited that they earned the scorn of
all true SF aficionados by becoming best-sellers, and there were angry
scenes when one of these insults to science fiction was block-voted on
to the 1987 Hugo shortlist by the sinister and hateful cult of
`Britfanologists', already proven by Los Angeles researchers to have been
collectively responsible for the Holocaust and the postal system.
Although the special Conspiracy '87 _Ansible_ was a large and imposing
edifice, well suited to a Worldcon despite the poor state of repair, it
cannot be denied that its manager was drunk and behaved appallingly. Let
us pass over the later controversy and the sadness of _Ansible_'s lonely,
alcoholic end ... and look back on the period of its greatness, believed
to have appeared at the end of a sentence in issue 28.' [1989]
And then in 1991 _Ansible_ mysteriously came back to life with issue 51.
No one was as surprised as I. Where will it all end?
### SOMETHING STRANGE ###
SIR KINGSLEY AMIS died aged 73 on 22 October. See overleaf.
STEVE BAXTER continues his relentless wit: `I wonder if any of your
readers have spotted the strange resemblance between Bob Eggleton's
spectacular Jupiter cloudscape cover art for Gregory Benford's _Sailing
Bright Eternity_ (Gollancz hc 1995) and Bob Eggleton's spectacular
Jupiter cloudscape cover art for my own _Timelike Infinity_ (Roc pb
1992). Are they by any chance related? I only hope no unwary readers pick
up the book and are disappointed to find it's not Stephen Baxter.'
GREG BENFORD gloats over his Lord Award `for achievement in the sciences,
both astrophysical research ("the standard model of the electrodynamical
galactic centre") and for popularizing science, also. (If sf does
that....) [] The 1995 awards, a statue and $2,500, went to two Nobel
laureates and GB.'
MARY GENTLE was unwell and couldn't be guest at Octocon; she was
impersonated by well-known lookalike Kim Newman.
BOB SHAW is embittered: `At the Scottish Convention somebody pointed out
to me that Eddie Jones has been labelled as _me_ in the John Clute
encyclopaedia. Somebody else at the same table suggested that I should
sue. Mike Moir immediately chipped in and said Eddie Jones was the one
entitled to sue. This ill-mannered remark was equally ill-timed, because
I had been on the point of buying Mike a pint. He didn't get it, but
perhaps Mr Jones will send him a crate of whisky.'
NEAL STEPHENSON was not best pleased when _The Economist_ quoted `a
recent sf novel' (i.e. his _Snow Crash_) as saying that America will soon
lead the world only in software, movies and pizza delivery -- but without
attribution. `I found two footnotes -- but for other people's books.
Both, I note, are serious-sounding non-fiction works whose authors
(unlike science-fiction novelists, alas) are evidently thought to deserve
recognition for their work. [] _The Economist_ should feel free to quote
my ideas with due attribution, or leave them to languish in the obscurity
of mere genre fiction -- but not to enjoy the convenience of having it
both ways.' Couldn't have put it better myself.
### CONTRAPPOSTO ###
3-5 Nov [] NOVACON 25, Chamberlain Hotel, Brum. #30 reg.
3-5 Nov [] RECONTANIMETED, Grand Hotel, Brum. #26 reg.
17-19 Nov [] ARMADACON VII, Astor Hotel, Elliot St, The Hoe, Plymouth.
#20 reg. Contact 4 Gleneagle Ave, Mannamead, Plymouth, Devon, PL3 5HL.
(01752) 267873.
18-19 Nov [] ASSIMILATION (_Trek_), Friendly Hotel, Milton Keynes.
Contact 77 Holyrood Ave, South Harrow, HA2 8UD.
25-6 Nov [] THE FANTASTIC conference, Staff House, Hull University. #25
reg (#15 unwaged). Contact A.Butler, English Dept, Hull Univ, Hull, HU6
7RX. 01482 465644 (office hours).
8-11 Dec [] UK YEAR OF LITERATURE sf/fantasy section events, Swansea.
Write to mighty consultant Lionel Fanthorpe, 48 Claude Rd, Cardiff, CF2
3QA, in 35,000 words or more.
4 Feb 96 [] PICOCON 13, Imperial College, London. GoH Rob Holdstock,
Chris Priest. #8 reg, students _(correction)_ #4. Contact 13 Lindfield
Gdns, Hampstead, London, NW3 6PX.
12-14 Jul 96 [] FAIRCON '96 (small fan event): St Enoch Hotel, Glasgow.
#10 reg. Contact 3/2 226 Woodlands Rd, Glasgow, G3 6LN. The apparently
accidental clash with Contagion caused inordinate fuss, chiefly because
Faircon's organizer is the notorious Evil Fake Bob Shaw. Erstwhile GoH
Angus McAllister was `frightened off by it all', while Faircon flyers
were allegedly removed in bulk from Intersection tables. Displeasure at
Faircon is indicated in Glasgow's sf newsletter _Small Fry_: but Our Bob,
ever ready with the olive branch, claims to be inviting _Small Fry_
editor Michelle `Cuddles' Drayton as fan GoH....
13-15 Jul 96 [] CONTAGION (_Trek_), Hospitality Inn, Glasgow. Contact PO
Box 867, Rutherglen, Glasgow, G73 4HR.
8-10 Nov 96 [] NOVACON 26, Hotel Ibis, Birmingham. #23 reg _to 6 Nov 95_,
then #25. GoH David Gemmell. Contact 14 Park St, Lye, Stourbridge, West
Midlands, BY9 8SS.
28-31 Mar 97 [] INTERVENTION (Eastercon), Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool. #20
reg; _#25 from 30 Nov_; cheques to `Wincon'. Contact 12 Crowsbury Close,
Emsworth, Hants, PO10 7TS.
_Rumblings_ [] SF/FANTASY FESTIVAL at Kingston (K) and Surbiton (S)
libraries: 8 Nov, Josh Kirby (K); 9 Nov, Rob Holdstock, Garry Kilworth,
Chris Evans (S); 14 Nov, Andrew Harman (K); 18 Nov, Ian Watson (S); 21
Nov, Tom Holt (S); 25 Nov, cartoon workshop (S); 28 Nov, Paul Gravett on
graphic novels (K); 5 Dec, Simon Ings (K); 8 Dec (K) & 9 Dec (S), Storm
Constantine; 12 Dec Steve Baxter (K). Times/prices: call 0181 547 6421.
[SJ] OCTOCON: in the _Who Really Shot John F.Kennedy_ panel, `Scott
McMillan was displaying an intimate knowledge of the affair which
prompted Rob Holdstock to exclaim, "It was _you_ on the grassy knoll!"
McMillan: "I was looking for a wildebeeste." Near the end Kim Newman was
heard to murmur, "I don't know _why_ Rob and Graham wanted the key to my
room for just an hour...."' [MP] Graham?
### INFINITELY IMPROBABLE ###
WORLD FANTASY AWARDS. NOVEL James Morrow, _Towing Jehovah_; NOVELLA
Elizabeth Hand, `Last Summer at Mars Hills'; SHORT Stephen King, `The Man
in the Black Suit'; ANTHOLOGY Ellen Datlow (ed), _Little Deaths_;
COLLECTION Bradley Denton, _The Calvin Coolidge Home For Dead Comedians_
and _A Conflagration Artist_; ARTIST Jacek Yerka; SPECIAL AWARDS (pro)
Ellen Datlow for editing; (fan) Bryan Cholfin for Broken Mirrors Press.
[Announced at WFC#21, 29 Oct]
PUBLISHERS & SINNERS. More on How Publishing Works: years ago, one of our
spies (who are everywhere) saw the original MS of David Gemmell's first
Alexander the Great novel. Good stuff, thought Spy X. Nifty storytelling;
a fine historical novel in the Mary Renault tradition, which should be
marketed as such since its fantasy content was minimal. Hearing this
praise, famous (then) Legend editor Deborah Beale made a horrible face
and instantly mailed the MS back to David Gemmell, demanding a rewrite
to insert _lots more_ fantasy. The resulting book (reckons Spy X) was
much inferior to what DG had originally written. But hey, the purity of
the fantasy genre had been preserved.
C.O.A. _Mark & Vanessa Loney_, PO Box 181, Campbell, ACT 2612, Australia.
_Diane Duane & Peter Morwood_, Coolafinchogue, Tinahely, Co.Wicklow,
Ireland. _Andi Shechter & Stu Shiffman_ (not a move: house number change
only), 8616 Linden Ave N, Seattle, WA 98103, USA.
TRANSATLANTIC FAN FUND. _Martin Tudor_ is first to declare himself as a
candidate for the 1996 race to LAcon, though hampered by the dubious
support of _Ansible_. Who will step forth to challenge him before the 2
Dec deadline? Er um....
RANDOM FANDOM. _Delany's Children_ is a `British sf group for gays,
lesbians, bisexuals and their friends': #12/year. SAE for info to BM
Delanys, London, WC1N 3XX. [] _Malcolm Edwards_, according to newspaper
clippings sent by millions of fans, has been re-united with his pet
tortoise which escaped in 1960 and has now reappeared a full 150 yards
from home. I _want_ to believe this is our very own sf Malcolm Edwards,
but.... [] _R.I.P.: Eric Garber_, US fan who co-authored a gay-oriented
sf guide and edited gay sf/horror theme anthologies, died aged 40 on 8
Oct. [DF] [] _Teddy Harvia_ offers an anagram: `I Be Slan.' [] _Kim
Huett_ ponders: `Perhaps you are indeed fandom's answer to Bob
Guccione.... When can we expect to see tasteful nude studies of sf
personalities tipped into future issues of _Ansible_? Jacqueline
Lichtenberg and D.West re-enacting a scene from _House of Zeor_, Harry
Adam Knight, Andy Porter, John Clute sprawled seductively over a PC....'
[] _Lucy Huntzinger_ has a mission from God: `I rejoice to tell you I am
going to visit Mexico where I fully expect to find some trace of Mexican
fandom. I will be able to tell them all about the wonderful conventions
we had in their honour. Won't they be surprised?' [] _Cheryl Morgan_
reports from Down Under: `The queue of Jackie McRobert suitors reached
Darwin two days ago and is gradually extending across the desert towards
Ayers Rock. Please don't publish news like that again -- think how many
previously stable relationships you've broken up.' [] _The Fake Bob
Shaw_'s life is in turmoil: `I was recently the victim of a blackmail
ring led by a corrupt journalist, and his activities have cost me my job.
No kidding! They attempted to set me up, failed to do so, and made up a
daft story about me anyway. So, no money until my Industrial Tribunal =
no conventions.' [] _Ian Sorensen_ views with alarm: `What is happening
to Scots fandom? First Naveed [Khan] and Leslie have a baby, then Joan
Paterson and Tibs announce an imminent sprog. Cuddles and Ralph Harold
got married last week [29 Sep] -- how long before a Cuddlette appears?'
[] _Larry van der Putte_ spent most of October in intensive care
following chemotherapy and surgery which led to a heart attack and severe
pancreas infection -- but he's now on the mend, and was released on 1
Nov.
NET BOOK AGREEMENT. _Chris Priest_ muses: `My guess is that specialist
dealers will not be affected too badly, since they do not compete with
other booksellers for sales of bestsellers. My other opinion is that we
should let the new non-net arrangements run for a while before we judge
them. In the long run [...] publishers will undoubtedly increase the
prices so that the discount prices wil be at much the same level as full
prices now. This means the #19.99 novel discounted to #14.99 or #15.99.
I'd like to hear M.Edwards's rationalization of why his firm led the way
into this jungle, though....' (In the short run, the new `#15.99' Terry
Pratchett is widely available at #11.99 -- which might slightly worry
some fantasy/sf specialist dealers.)
AVRAM DAVIDSON AWARD ... this, established by the late great man's
estate, has a certain ironic appropriateness in being for `the best-
beloved out-of-print works of imaginative fiction'.
PSYCHIC CORNER. _Ansible_ is not afraid to record the following awesome
1968 predictions of the future! Fidel Castro assassinated by unnamed
woman, 9 Aug 1970; discovery of antimagnetic forces makes rocketless
space flight possible, late 70s; New York City inundated and moved
further inland, 21 Jan 1980; Caucasian woman becomes leader of entire Far
East, 1985; Atlantis rises and joins Africa to S.America, mid-80s; giant
meteor destroys London but subsequently becomes profitable tourist
attraction, 18 Oct 1988; Denver, Colorado, transformed to jelly-like mass
by `strange and terrible pressure from outer space', 9 Jun 1989; Las
Vegas hosts first Interplanetary Convention, 10 Mar 1990; global utopia
almost achieved, 1 Jun 1995; world ends as mysterious space force sucks
all oxygen from atmosphere, 18 Aug 1999. All this from _Criswell
Predicts: Your Future from Now to the Year 2000!_ (1968) -- it must be
good, he was in _Plan 9 from Outer Space_....
_CENTURY_ is a most impressively produced small-press sf mag in paperback
format: now up to #3. $5.95, bimonthly. Contact PO Box 9270, Madison, WI
53715-0270, USA.
Thog's Masterclass. _The Bookseller_ announces Jonathan Carroll's
collection: _The Picnic Hand_. [CP] [] `"Oh," Zoe said. She looked at
Joyce from under her eyelids.' (Stella Hargreaves in _Narrow Houses_)
[PB]
### KINGSLEY AMIS, 1922-1995 ###
CHRIS PRIEST WRITES ...
I discovered Kingsley Amis's work through _New Maps of Hell_, a book
about science fiction which in 1962 was a revelation to me and (as it
turned out) to many other people too. In particular, it had a great
impact on the book's own British publisher, Gollancz. Hilary Rubinstein,
then editor at Gollancz, realized how few of the books Amis mentioned
were available in the UK, and set about acquiring and publishing them.
This was the beginning of what was for years unquestionably the most
influential sf list in Britain.
_New Maps of Hell_ is still one of the greatest of all books on the
subject, but it is of course now dated. Many years later, when I knew
Kingsley, I asked him if he had ever thought about writing a revised
version, for instance to discuss Ballard, who is not even mentioned in
passing in the original, or the New Wave movement of the 1960s, or
anything else since. Characteristically, Amis launched into an extremely
amusing tirade against bloody secondrate American writers, who had read
his book and, sensing a good thing, had moved in and ruined everything.
Anyway, he said, he didn't want to have to read all that stuff to catch
up, only to see it start slipping out of date again.
Amis's own attempts at writing sf are not his best work, although _The
Alteration_ is a good genre novel (and nods gratefully to Keith Roberts
and Harry Harrison, whose own alternate-worlds novels had impressed him).
Amis often experimented with genre fiction, and his other sf novel, not
as good, was _Russian Hide and Seek_. He also wrote _Colonel Sun_ (a
James Bond novel), _The Riverside Villas Mystery_ (a murder mystery), and
_The Green Man_ (a superb book: a modern ghost story with a truly
frightening climax). What he excelled at, though, were his social
comedies.
_Lucky Jim_ was the first of these, the novel which made him famous, and
the one sensed by people who never really liked Amis to be possibly his
best. It was a long way from this. His writing got better as time went
by, and as he grew older, more right-wing, more intemperate, more
politically incorrect, his comedies became increasingly funny and
ideologically unsound. My own favourites are _One Fat Englishman_, _Girl
20_, _Take a Girl Like You_, _Jake's Thing_ and _The Old Devils_, but I
can also say that I never read an Amis book I didn't enjoy for one reason
or another. His essays are required reading, in my view, even the
slightest of them; `Sod the Public: a Consumer's Guide' is quintessential
Amis.
I was not a close personal friend, but I treasure my memories of my
meetings with him. He was the best of company: a wonderful mimic, a
storyteller, a boozer, a sharp-eyed observer. Men loved his company, but
so too did a lot of women -- he was not a sexist, as I've heard him
described since his death, but a misogynist, an altogether trickier
proposition for feminists to deal with. He went on about things, but
never tediously, and was sharpest of all about people who went on about
things too long. I thought of him as our best contemporary writer, and
I was distressed when I heard he had died.
### GEEKS' CORNER ###
To receive _Ansible_ monthly via e-mail, send a message with the
single word "subscribe" (no quote marks) to:
ansible-request@dcs.gla.ac.uk
Please send a corresponding "unsubscribe" to resign from this list if
you weary of it or are about to change e-addresses; don't send such
requests to me, as I don't maintain the list.
BACK ISSUES AVAILABLE:
FTP, ftp://ftp.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Gopher, gopher://gopher.dcs.gla.ac.uk/pub/SF-Archives/Ansible
Web, http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Ansible
Search the web archive,
http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/scripts/global/kidofwais.pl/Ansible
(Thanks as always to _Naveed Khan_ for all this.)
@ THE CORE
British SF Association (general enquiries), bsfa@ansible.demon.co.uk
Contagion, contagion@awayteam.demon.co.uk
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), bmh@ee.ic.ac.uk
Faircon, faircon@psyche.dircon.co.uk
Intervention (Eastercon 1997), interven@pompey.demon.co.uk
Intuition (Eastercon 1998 bid), h.steele@elsevier.co.uk
Mark & Vanessa Loney, loney@helotrix.defcen.gov.au
Janice Murray (_Ansible_ US agent), 73227.2641@compuserve.com
Picocon, icsf@ic.ac.uk
Small Fry, cuddles@srian.demon.co.uk
Alan Stewart (_Ansible_ Aussie agent; DUFF),
s_alanjs@eduserv.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
Sue Thomas, 100625.3644@compuserve.com
SPIDER KISS
_Century_, http://www.supranet.com/century/
Evolution (Eastercon 1996), http://www.tardis.ed.ac.uk/~simon/evolve/
Fan e-mail directory (see below),
ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/ha/hazel/Smofs/fannish.net
`The Fantastic' conference,
http://www.hull.ac.uk/Hull/EL_Web/english/fanconf.htm
Fanzine archive under development by Roxanne Smith-Graham,
http://www.fentonnet.com/smithway/archive.html
Laurie Mann's interesting sf/fan links,
http://www.lm.com/~lmann/hot/sf.html
Picocon, http://www.ph.ic.ac.uk/moontg/
Science Fiction Foundation Collection,
http://www.liv.ac.uk/~asawyer/sffchome.html
Worldcon bids round-up by Chaz Baden (changed),
http://lacon3.worldcon.org/www/Bids/
Worldcons ditto, http://lacon3.worldcon.org/www/worldcons.html
THE LAST DEADLOSS VISIONS. Chris Priest feels that the on-line
availability of his polemical essay has continued long enough, and
politely requests its removal from all on-line archives. (I have
already done this for the British CIX sf conference.) No one is being
asked to erase their personal copies, of course, but further public
dissemination is discouraged. The printed version _The Book on the
Edge of Forever_ continues -- I believe -- to be available from
Fantagraphics Books.
FANNISH E-MAIL DIRECTORY. A new edition of John Lorentz's directory
(Release 95-C) appeared in late October. Enquiries to
john_lorentz@planar.com ... or collect from the FTP site above.
Ansible 100 Copyright (c) Dave Langford, 1995. Thanks to Paul Barnett,
Doug Faunt, Martin Hoare, Steve Jeffrey, Locus, Marion Pitman, Chris
Priest and our Hero Distributors: Janice Murray (NA), SCIS, Alan
Stewart (Oz), Martin Tudor and Bridget Wilkinson (FATW).
2 Nov 95
David Langford
ansible@cix.compulink.co.uk